Any opinions for INTJ woman attracted to INTJ men?

[blackberry]

In the past, I have had two "serious" boyfriends (and two not so serious): one Exxx (which lasted only a couple months) and one INFJ (which lasted three years). I don't think I've ever even met an INTJ, male or female. But all my favorite characters in movies, TV shows, and books are INTJs or at least similar in personality: Dr. House; in particular, Methos from the Highlander TV series; Batman/Bruce Wayne; Doc Holliday as portrayed in Tombstone; etc. Personally, I find their witticisms and sarcasm, their cleverness, the way they talk and act are all a real turn on and are very impressive and amusing -- though many people seem to think they're brutally honest and insensitive.

Does anyone know if there are any INTJ men out there with similar personalities and mannerisms as these characters? Or are they too good to be true?

And do such relationships between an INTJ man and woman actually work out?

When in a relationship, I'm much more "extroverted" than usual, playful, flirtatious (in more private surroundings), "physical" and passionate ;), intellectually conversant, open and honest, but unobtrusive and respectful of my partners' thoughts, habits, and feelings, and not prone to emotional outbursts. Do INTJ men find these traits attractive in INTJ women?

Just curious...

[mayumi]

It's off-topic, but may I ask, why didn't it work with the INFJ? Is there anything innately dysfunctional about the INTJ-INFJ dynamic... I'm currently considering seeing an INFJ and weighing the pros and cons.

I think Dr. House is ENTP. I love Batman too, and just like him, I wouldn't join the Justice League. But would I date Batman?...hmmm

[Seppuku Savant]

Dr. House is definitely an ENTP.

Some INTJs feel they are each other's best match, while some can't even stand the thought of being in a romantic relationship with another INTJ. It's individual.

[blackberry]

It's off-topic, but may I ask, why didn't it work with the INFJ? Is there anything innately dysfunctional about the INTJ-INFJ dynamic... I'm currently considering seeing an INFJ and weighing the pros and cons.

My INFJ boyfriend was really wonderful -- sensitive, sarcastic and funny, kind and caring, and a great companion with several similar interests. He appreciated my intellect, sarcastic humor, creativity, and open-mindedness. The relationship worked well, but it ended on good terms for complicated reasons -- he was too insecure and had too low self-esteem to commit to a more permanent relationship or to reveal our relationship to his step-mother who disapproved of me for who-knows-what-reason. The reasons for our breakup I don't think had anything to do with his personality -- it was simply situational. For three years, we complemented one another well, we enjoyed one another's company, and our combined creativity and willingness to try new things provided for great passion, etc. Go for it! It can't hurt -- INFJs are extremely understanding (if I can stereotype them based on one person, of course).

[mayumi]

I've decided I'm not dating Batman. He's just so full of himself and his pain and his job and his secret life when he should be about me! Damn it Bruce... it's just not going to work.

[blackberry]

I've decided I'm not dating Batman. He's just so full of himself and his pain and his job and his secret life when he should be about me! Damn it Bruce... it's just not going to work.

Ah well... To each his own. I guess he's all mine now, ja? ;)

[Avid]

I've dated a lot and I can honestly say the only men that I would find attractive anymore are xNTx. I have your preference when it comes to men. I like the strong, silent quirky types that aren't afraid to be themselves (may they be imagined or real characters).

LOL, my husband was a mixture of...Batman and like Dexter (from Dexter's Lab). The trick to making it work is communication and adaptability. Just keep looking and evaluating...you might find what you are looking for.

Batman isn't full of himself. He carries around the memory of his 2 beloved parents being gunned down right in front of him. He is emotionally scarred. Bruce is rather stuck on the notion of protecting innocent people from evil which conflicts with his desire to peacefully love and be loved by someone. He had a thing for cat woman and in 1977 comic fans learn they are married. But meh...the cat and the bat? Sounds like a weird Dr. Suess book. But the comic world likes to change things all the time to keep their characters edgy. He would be a rather difficult man to get to know but I never did like things easy.

[whiteslate]

House, ENTP/ENTj :)

Someone I know once said that an INTj man might eventually marry the INTj woman that he finds to be a reflection of his inner self - but have years ahead scheduled to run off to a secluded island getaway with some ENFp woman he met at a massage parlour when he hits forty.

Ok, maybe they met at Google and she was the masseuse. No? Well, she must be their Palm reader then.


// Btw, Blackberry, the late fiancee was an INTj. Instant mutual dislike; knowing all each others' flaws and strengths [we were competitors in the same field.] Manufactured closeness, i.e. a project, caused respect to bloom, then lust evolved, then, perhaps there was love.

It was really easy working together, tho. However, as a team against other teams, I can safely say that we're really lacking in the Fe department. Hard to keep those business type wolves far away from our fences . ..

Hmm, Crackberry [I know, I know :) ] Which types have you dated before? As each individual have different levels of development for every varying psychological aspect fns, then perhaps you could notice the pattern of preference for you so far. Maybe an INTj wouldn't be so hot for you then.

Then again, INTj women, according to the MBTI writeups, would much prefer our own personality mirrors .. .

[blackberry]

Someone I know once said that an INTj man might eventually marry the INTj woman that he finds to be a reflection of his inner self - but have years ahead scheduled to run off to a secluded island getaway with some ENFp woman he met at a massage parlour when he hits forty.

Ok, maybe they met at Google and she was the masseuse. No? Well, she must be their Palm reader then.

Weird... :)

// Btw, Blackberry, the late fiancee was an INTj. Instant mutual dislike; knowing all each others' flaws and strengths [we were competitors in the same field.] Manufactured closeness, i.e. a project, caused respect to bloom, then lust evolved, then, perhaps there was love.

It was really easy working together, tho. However, as a team against other teams, I can safely say that we're really lacking in the Fe department. Hard to keep those business type wolves far away from our fences . ..

Hmm... Interesting... It sounds like it was a love-hate relationship.

Hmm, Crackberry Which types have you dated before? As each individual have different levels of development for every varying psychological aspect fns, then perhaps you could notice the pattern of preference for you so far. Maybe an INTj wouldn't be so hot for you then.

Then again, INTj women, according to the MBTI writeups, would much prefer our own personality mirrors ...

(Ugh, Crackberry! ;) My moniker has a double-meaning: Blackberry -- the cleverest rabbit from Watership Down, and the fact that I never go anywhere without my "Crackberry" since I'm such a technology and information nut but barely ever use it as a phone.)

I'm confused (though it could be because I'm reading this at 3:00 in the morning)... Could you please be a bit more specific about what you mean by: "As each individual have different levels of development for every varying psychological aspect fns, then perhaps you could notice the pattern of preference for you so far"? Thanks!





[i]blackberry added to this post, 12 minutes and 36 seconds later...

Do any of you INTJ men find INTJ women attractive? Do you like them to be more or less introverted than you? More or less intelligent? More or less feeling? More or less definite or open about decisions? In other words, compared to your own strengths of Myer-Briggs functions, how strong do you prefer an INTJ woman's functions to be?

(I'm sorry if my question is unclear -- it's past three in the morning and I'm rather tired.)

[Sliderule]

Do any of you INTJ men find INTJ women attractive? Do you like them to be more or less introverted than you? More or less intelligent? More or less feeling? More or less definite or open about decisions? In other words, compared to your own strengths of Myer-Briggs functions, how strong do you prefer an INTJ woman's functions to be?

I'm your huckleberry.

I feel that an introverted, highly intelligent, less "feeling", decisive female would be highly appealing. I've met one so far in my short life and I can definitely say that there was, for me at least, an attraction.

[ElstonGunn]

Do any of you INTJ men find INTJ women attractive?

All other things being equal, and in very general terms, I'm not attracted to INTJ women (or Rational-temperment women in general). It's possible that a specific female INTJ could be attractive to me, but the odds are stacked heavily against that happening. They're too much like me. That's severely unattractive in my mind.

[reb]

blackberry,

'I'm your huckleberry. '

lol! i have used that line....it's a great one. val kilmer looks sardonic and and somewhat amused...he got the mood exactly right imo. holliday was supposedly dying of tubercolosis...

anyway, i find lots of women attractive, until i have to spend more than a little time with them one on one....then i get to wondering.....'what was i thinkin'...'

i dunno what to tell ya...i'm not any good at 'male/female' relationships once sex is involved, or 'desire' or whatever you want to call it. the best advice i could deliver is find an intj man that seems right to you and see what happens. if you don't marry him, don't get him pregnant, and don't let him have a credit card or cosign any loans, the worst that could happen is an std. for gosh sakes, dont give him a key to your place...

i will tell you (since i know someone else i know might if i don't) i got hit on by a 25 year old the other day. she's cute, physically attractive...but i was thinking after i left the place i saw her 'yeah, and there's trouble attached to this, too. and i don't need it.' lol!

distance...distance is good in a relationship, and not knowing too much....
reb

[blackberry]

I'm your huckleberry.

'I'm your huckleberry. '

lol! i have used that line....it's a great one. val kilmer looks sardonic and and somewhat amused...he got the mood exactly right imo. holliday was supposedly dying of tubercolosis...

I hope you don't use that line right before you shoot someone... Then again... I have two guns, one for each of ya. :wiseguy:

I feel that an introverted, highly intelligent, less "feeling", decisive female would be highly appealing. I've met one so far in my short life and I can definitely say that there was, for me at least, an attraction.

All other things being equal, and in very general terms, I'm not attracted to INTJ women (or Rational-temperment women in general). It's possible that a specific female INTJ could be attractive to me, but the odds are stacked heavily against that happening. They're too much like me. That's severely unattractive in my mind.

anyway, i find lots of women attractive, until i have to spend more than a little time with them one on one....then i get to wondering.....'what was i thinkin'...'

i dunno what to tell ya...i'm not any good at 'male/female' relationships once sex is involved, or 'desire' or whatever you want to call it. the best advice i could deliver is find an intj man that seems right to you and see what happens. if you don't marry him, don't get him pregnant, and don't let him have a credit card or cosign any loans, the worst that could happen is an std. for gosh sakes, dont give him a key to your place...

i will tell you (since i know someone else i know might if i don't) i got hit on by a 25 year old the other day. she's cute, physically attractive...but i was thinking after i left the place i saw her 'yeah, and there's trouble attached to this, too. and i don't need it.' lol!

distance...distance is good in a relationship, and not knowing too much....
reb

Hmm... So far the "poll" seems to indicate that more INTJ guys dislike INTJ gals than like them. But having at least one "huckleberry" is good news! :smug: I wonder why INTJ women seem to be more attracted to INTJ men than vice versa... Maybe it's because INTJ women exhibit traits that are too "masculine" (non-emotionalism, wry humor, reliance on logic to make decisions, strong will and self-confidence)... I must admit that previous boyfriends commented on the fact that I wasn't very feminine (at least by their definition) -- as a kid I preferred playing with Nerf weapons and action figures and practicing shooting my BB gun and bow-and-arrows (though I did have an extensive stuffed animal collection), and I couldn't stand Barbie dolls, playing house, window shopping, doing up hair/makeup/fashion, and other girly activities. But I do have "feminine" tastes (just not trendy ones) -- if you walked into my bedroom, you definitely would not mistake it for a guy's room. But then...shouldn't true individuality be more appealing than trendy herd-mentality? Just thinking "out loud"...

[Tyrant Soup]

Being out of the university/scientific environment for so long, I don't think I met any intx woman recently in real life. I don't think I would be able to tell them apart from an istx.

[ElstonGunn]

I wonder why INTJ women seem to be more attracted to INTJ men than vice versa...

That's probably a good thing (or at least, a "fair" thing). In the pool of INTJs, don't men outnumber women two or three to one? If male INTJs liked female INTJs, the supply would exceed the demand, so we'd be even more single than we are now. :p


Maybe it's because INTJ women exhibit traits that are too "masculine" (non-emotionalism, wry humor, reliance on logic to make decisions, strong will and self-confidence)...

Even though I hate using general terms, I do prefer the kind of women that society would think of as typically "feminine." But that word doesn't really mean much (and certainly nothing specific) when it doesn't have a definition or explanation.


But then...shouldn't true individuality be more appealing than trendy herd-mentality? Just thinking "out loud"...

Anyone who sides the with majority is only doing it so they can be in the majority, and for no reasons based on individuality? I've seen trendy, herd-mentality individualism before, and I bet you have, too. (Also thinking out loud here, myself.)

[Sean O]

When in a relationship, I'm much more "extroverted" than usual, playful, flirtatious (in more private surroundings), "physical" and passionate ;), intellectually conversant, open and honest, but unobtrusive and respectful of my partners' thoughts, habits, and feelings, and not prone to emotional outbursts. Do INTJ men find these traits attractive in INTJ women?That combination of traits is what I consider to be ideal in a woman, actually. Know any women like you near Halifax, Nova Scotia?

[blackberry]

That's probably a good thing (or at least, a "fair" thing). In the pool of INTJs, don't men outnumber women two or three to one? If male INTJs liked female INTJs, the supply would exceed the demand, so we'd be even more single than we are now. :p

Makes sense to me, though it's hard luck for us ladies, unless of course around one-third to one-half of INTJ men are attracted to INTJ women.

Even though I hate using general terms, I do prefer the kind of women that society would think of as typically "feminine."

Sigh! Though quite understandable.

Anyone who sides the with majority is only doing it so they can be in the majority, and for no reasons based on individuality? I've seen trendy, herd-mentality individualism before, and I bet you have, too. (Also thinking out loud here, myself.)

That's so funny... I've always wondered how people can buy certain trendy clothes because they think of them as individualistic and yet not realize that it can't be individualistic since everyone's wearing the same fashions. But yes, I know what you mean.

That combination of traits is what I consider to be ideal in a woman, actually. Know any women like you near Halifax, Nova Scotia?

Cool! All is not lost! :thumbsup:

Sorry, half of my family is from Canada (NB and ON) and I'll be studying at the U of T next year, but I don't know anybody in NS. I love NS though -- Antigonish is one of my favorite places. Best Highland Games I've ever been to, though there were too many MacDougalls and far too few Colquhouns. :irked:

[Aldrin]

Personally I find the INTJ woman the most attractive type. So incredibly hard it is to find another person, be in male or female, that is capable, let alone enjoys abstract and more involved conversation. Sadly even most of my good friends seem to literally break down at the attempt of such discussions. Admittedly I have a crush on my academic adviser and professor here at uni, A very strong INTJ who must have a brain ten times the size of her lecture hall crammed into her head. knowledge and passion for learning are the most attractive things by far i can think about in a woman.

While I hardly want to say no to other similar xNTx types, I find the independence and confidence of the INTJ woman very attractive as well, not to mention having similar perspectives and thinking styles. ENTJ might not be to bad either if the E is mild, but I imagine two mild introverts might be the best match, as one partner wouldn't be left feeling a bit dejected all the time.

While I think "opposites attract" is true in some sense for some people, personally I think it would be nice to know someone to whom I can actually relate and talk to on an equal level. The problem of course being finding a 1/200 someone, let alone a good fit!

[Cygnus]

I think I have seen your avatar before, blackberry...Watership Down, maybe?

To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

As for the topic....

I could easily find an INTJ woman just as attractive as any other personality type.

As for the traits you initially describe:

"When in a relationship, I'm much more "extroverted" than usual, playful, flirtatious (in more private surroundings), "physical" and passionate , intellectually conversant, open and honest, but unobtrusive and respectful of my partners' thoughts, habits, and feelings, and not prone to emotional outbursts."

Alot of that description is a matter of perspective...what we hope we are and what other individuals view us as...can be vastly different.

I would say the traits you listed..if that what I saw in a particular woman, yes, I would find them appealing. I also value sound judgement, ability to handle crisis, does not stress easily, financially responsible, able to display forsight, assumes responsibility for her actions....and a list of others :)

[gracemarie]

I am an INTJ woman who was attracted to an INTJ man.
Think of Greg House... that is pretty much exactly what this guy was like. A little different, but not much.
We got along great - I'm still convinced he's my soulmate (as lame as that sounds).
But he has HUGE mommy issues. He loves to manipulate people to "find how people work" (INTJs do have a tendency to want to "figure" people out). But he outright manipulates.
Because of his mother issues, he likes to date women for a few months and then break up with them and enjoys their suffering.
According to his sister, I was the only woman he actually "loved". He seemed to be very gushy around me (in an intj sort of way), but around everyone else, he turned back into his coldish INTJ self. I thought it was ideal.
But alas, mother issues got in the way. I am currently with an ESTJ (ugh...) male who is quite loving and caring. But he's missing all the fun INTJ stuff my ex had... such as being extremely witty and sarcastic and having a morbid sense of humor (much like myself). However, I think the ideal situation is having an intj male who can be a little more "close" with me as his partner... open up more. I bet I didn't seem like an intj to him because I was VERY open with him... but that was because I was comfortable because for the first time, someone truly understood me.
It's a catch 22.
The man may want an intj female (which I am), but then once it starts progressing, I go into a more (but not overly) mushy-gushy mode. For the first time in my life (when I was with him) I felt alive and happy.

He broke it off with me. More than a year ago now. And I'm nowhere near over him. Not even close. My obsession with House doesn't help either ;o)

[Sliderule]

It'll be alright Gracemarie, not every INTJ guy is like that, many are much like yourself, downright goofy nutty bastards when they're behind closed doors with someone they like. Of course at that point you'd probably lose all attraction to them and end up dumping them, then they'd be all hung up on you a year later.

It's a vicious cycle.

[Jakalwarrior]

It'll be alright Gracemarie, not every INTJ guy is like that, many are much like yourself, downright goofy nutty bastards when they're behind closed doors with someone they like. Of course at that point you'd probably lose all attraction to them and end up dumping them, then they'd be all hung up on you a year later.

It's a vicious cycle.

I can vouch for the nutty goofball part. You never know someone until they let their shields down. I know I personally have atleast 3 very different personalities I put on to interact with society but the real me is a warm, logical, utilitarian, nihilistic, goofball... Breaking down an INTJs shields is like opening a box of chocolates lol. If you have decided you like INTJ men you hunt has still only just begun.

[blackberry]

Personally I find the INTJ woman the most attractive type. So incredibly hard it is to find another person, be in male or female, that is capable, let alone enjoys abstract and more involved conversation. Sadly even most of my good friends seem to literally break down at the attempt of such discussions... knowledge and passion for learning are the most attractive things by far i can think about in a woman.

:thumbsup:

While I hardly want to say no to other similar xNTx types, I find the independence and confidence of the INTJ woman very attractive as well, not to mention having similar perspectives and thinking styles. ENTJ might not be to bad either if the E is mild, but I imagine two mild introverts might be the best match, as one partner wouldn't be left feeling a bit dejected all the time.

Theoretically, I agree that a relationship between two INTJs would work if (at least?) one of the four dichotomies of one INTJ is stronger/weaker than the other INTJ. But I don't know which of the dichotomies would be best matched up in different strengths in the two partners: introversion, intuition, thinking, or judging. It makes sense for the introversion to be weaker in one INTJ and stronger in the other since I'm assuming it would enable one partner to be more aggressive and outgoing than the other. Any opinions?

While I think "opposites attract" is true in some sense for some people...

With my parents, they are "opposites" more in illusion than in actuality. My mom's an ISFJ and my dad's an INFJ. They are only truly different in that my dad loves theory and is terrible at anything that requires hands-on practicality while my mom loves hands-on practicality and is dreadful at theory. They both have very strong feelings, though my dad's more symbolic rather than obvious about them while my mom's more obvious and outright about them. They both have very strong wills and opinions. And they are both introverted and yet will talk to complete strangers, friends, or family about -- in my dad's case -- his intellectual ideas or -- in my mom's case -- the most intimate details of her family, life, and feelings. My mom is insistent that she and my dad are complete opposites. So...is the idea of the attraction of "opposites" just an illusion based on varying expressions of the same traits or what? Though of course I doubt that a single example can be used for a generalization of "facts".





blackberry added to this post, 8 minutes and 55 seconds later...

I think I have seen your avatar before, blackberry...Watership Down, maybe?

Yup, Watership Down (my avatar is from the movie, but the book is better of course).

Alot of that description is a matter of perspective...what we hope we are and what other individuals view us as...can be vastly different.

I frequently look at myself from both within and without and there are some discrepancies of course. But I do hope that what I see myself as and what others see me as are at least somewhat similar. :thinking:

I would say the traits you listed..if that what I saw in a particular woman, yes, I would find them appealing. I also value sound judgement, ability to handle crisis, does not stress easily, financially responsible, able to display forsight, assumes responsibility for her actions....and a list of others :)

:thumbsup:

[blackberry]

It'll be alright Gracemarie, not every INTJ guy is like that, many are much like yourself, downright goofy nutty bastards when they're behind closed doors with someone they like. Of course at that point you'd probably lose all attraction to them and end up dumping them, then they'd be all hung up on you a year later.

It's a vicious cycle.

I have the goofy-nutty trait too particularly when I'm with someone I like, but having worked in the Children's Room at a library for six years has also brought out my goofy-nuttiness out into my work environments. I can't really picture that getting in the way of a relationship though. And it also seems alien to me (personally) to be "hung up" on a previous relationship after so long. (I was under the impression that INTJs have the least difficulty in getting over past relationships.)

I can vouch for the nutty goofball part. You never know someone until they let their shields down... Breaking down an INTJs shields is like opening a box of chocolates lol. If you have decided you like INTJ men you hunt has still only just begun.

True, very true. Plus I love chocolate (physical and metaphorical) and "hunting." ;)

[Jakalwarrior]

True, very true. Plus I love chocolate (physical and metaphorical) and "hunting." ;)

If there is one thing I have learned on this forum, it is that often times the INTJ women are the wolves and INTJ men are the emotionally fragile little sheep. Maybe that is why a lot dont prefer INTJ women, they are scared of them lol.

[Sean O]

Cool! All is not lost!

Sorry, half of my family is from Canada (NB and ON) and I'll be studying at the U of T next year, but I don't know anybody in NS. I love NS though -- Antigonish is one of my favorite places. Best Highland Games I've ever been to, though there were too many MacDougalls and far too few Colquhouns. Yeah, I figured that would be the case. Worth a shot, though. ;)

[ElstonGunn]

(I was under the impression that INTJs have the least difficulty in getting over past relationships.)

Speaking only from personal experience (I don't know any other confirmed INTJs outside of here), we may look that way. And it might not really affect our day-to-day lives in any major and/or obvious way. And we may know that we're wasting our time thinking about the past like that. But that doesn't necessarily preclude thinking about it anyways, particularly if we think there is some sort of unfinished business regarding the past relationship. It depends on what it means to "get over" something.

[Tablelamp]

Okay, now I'm curious:
Is it maybe a self-esteem thingy?

An INTJ who is feeling down would probably prefer a complimenting "F" type, while one who is confident would prefer an intellectual equal to keep things challenging.

Thoughts?

[Synamon]

Okay, now I'm curious:
Is it maybe a self-esteem thingy?

An INTJ who is feeling down would probably prefer a complimenting "F" type, while one who is confident would prefer an intellectual equal to keep things challenging.

Thoughts?

Maybe the other way around. Someone unsure of themselves might want to just interact with people who think and act like they do and someone comfortable in their own skin might want the challenge of trying to understand an opposite type. You asked for thoughts and that's what popped into my head, devil's advocate maybe.

[NephilimAzrael]

Hypothetically speaking I am drawn to ISTP and INFP types, because the are the best types for being an apparently callous character and not be interpreted as such by them.. I do agree with the idea of private extroversion, many times I have intimidated partners initially due to the private enthusiasm. Considering there is a limit to introverts in my neck of the woods.. Growl!!

I would however consider an INTJ female, considering a rather enneagram based match, mostly a 9 or 5 type with an MBTI of INTJ..

I'm back at research now, and have been progressively isolating myself, my former INTP lover has left this year.

[Avital]

When in a relationship, I'm much more "extroverted" than usual, playful, flirtatious (in more private surroundings), "physical" and passionate , intellectually conversant, open and honest, but unobtrusive and respectful of my partners' thoughts, habits, and feelings, and not prone to emotional outbursts.



Describes me to a T and there is only one person i feel close enough to act like this around and he turns out to be and ENTJ (only mild though). We've always joked around that we were two of a kind and that if one of us was a female we would be pretty close to perfect for each other (o here come the gay jokes). Neither of us have had success with relationships because after we got to know the girl we were dating they were just boring and un-interesting and knew it wouldnt last long.



Do any of you INTJ men find INTJ women attractive? Do you like them to be more or less introverted than you? More or less intelligent? More or less feeling? More or less definite or open about decisions? In other words, compared to your own strengths of Myer-Briggs functions, how strong do you prefer an INTJ woman's functions to be?



The type of women i'm attracted to are ENTx (which i just recently figured out); although i have only meet one INTJ female, mother, so i think my view is kinda skewed about INTJ females. I've learned to develop my extrovert because of the jobs i've held and if i perceive someone being as introverted as i really am, in conversation or body language, i just ignore/shut them out. I dont want to keep pushing them cause i know thats how i would feel if i was in their situation.

[ElstonGunn]

An INTJ who is feeling down would probably prefer a complimenting "F" type, while one who is confident would prefer an intellectual equal to keep things challenging.

I don't think that has much to do with it. If you use your car to tow things and move garden mulch around all day, you'd want a powerful pickup truck. If you use your car to take yourself 40 miles to work, you'd be more interested in an efficient sedan. It all hinges on what a person wants from a relationship. Some people want someone like themselves with whom they'd have a lot in common, and some want a different complementary kind of partner.

Personally, I don't see why anyone would want a challenging relationship, so I must be misunderstanding the use of that word. I don't see "challenging" as a compliment at all. I wouldn't want someone making things more difficult or antagonizing me.

[Autoptic]

Personally, I don't see why anyone would want a challenging relationship, so I must be misunderstanding the use of that word. I don't see "challenging" as a compliment at all. I wouldn't want someone making things more difficult or antagonizing me.

I agree completely.

[Antares]

My friend and I were talking about 'types' of men during our school trip, and we came up with twelve conceivable types of both personality and appearance (informally, of course). All of my friends hate or would avoid 'the Icicle', but I feel a certain fondness of them. They all agreed that I'm probably an 'Icicle/Intellectual' from our list of types and find it strange that anyone could be attracted to Icicles. No, they aren't definitely INTJs, but many INTJs are 'Icicles' for sure (The INTJ male I know is an 'Intellectual', not an 'Icicle'). In fiction, I often identify or develop a raging 'crush' on the 'Icicle' INTJs of the story (usually antiheroes, foils or villains. I'm not that sure about 'Intellectual' fictional INTJs). For now, I feel nothing for the INTJ men I know in real life, but I do find their fictional counterparts (especially the 'Icicles') fascinating and extremely attractive. Realistically, I find myself attracted to the 'Gentleman', the 'Charmer' and the 'Jester', which correspond roughly to ExTx men.

[bmartinl]

INTJ women drive me crazy, in a good way. The problem is I don't know any IRL, or else I just can't figure out how to initiate anything with them. Answer - INTJ match making service.

[Aeroscoper]

If there is one thing I have learned on this forum, it is that often times the INTJ women are the wolves and INTJ men are the emotionally fragile little sheep. Maybe that is why a lot dont prefer INTJ women, they are scared of them lol.

I'd have to agree with this. A female INTJ friend and my sister that's an E/I-NTJ both have this ability to intimidate the pants off of a lot of people, men and women alike.

The friend is a very attractive and intelligent gal with tons going for her, but the INTJ's tendency to build "facades", as well as the world's misinterpretation of INTJ's to be a bit on the cold side, make it difficult for her to find someone willing to hang around long enough to get to know the real her.

The sis is with a very secure INTJ and they do very well together, though falling prey to the pymalion very often.

I've thought it would take a rare monkey to be a good mate for the friend...either a very well balanced and secure NT, or a very good looking NF. From my experience, both are pretty rare. (no offense to the attractive NF guys out there)

[Tablelamp]

I don't think that has much to do with it. If you use your car to tow things and move garden mulch around all day, you'd want a powerful pickup truck. If you use your car to take yourself 40 miles to work, you'd be more interested in an efficient sedan. It all hinges on what a person wants from a relationship. Some people want someone like themselves with whom they'd have a lot in common, and some want a different complementary kind of partner.

Personally, I don't see why anyone would want a challenging relationship, so I must be misunderstanding the use of that word. I don't see "challenging" as a compliment at all. I wouldn't want someone making things more difficult or antagonizing me.

Perhaps I used the wrong word, but I can't seem to draw the proper meaning.
I just pictured a relationship where both partners push each other to excellance and kept things new and exciting. There is a lot to be said for someone who knows you well enough to surprise you on a regular basis.

[ElstonGunn]

Perhaps I used the wrong word, but I can't seem to draw the proper meaning.
I just pictured a relationship where both partners push each other to excellance and kept things new and exciting. There is a lot to be said for someone who knows you well enough to surprise you on a regular basis.

Not that I want to be difficult here, but I don't like being surprised, and I hate being pushed. I think I kinda see what you're getting at, though. I'm sure I've seen it before, but I'm not sure how to describe it, either. As for myself, at least as far as relationships go, I'd prefer a nice little rut to stay in (for the most part). But then again, "challenge," "exciting," and "rut" are all words that can mean a lot of different things based on who's saying or hearing them.

[Cass]

New here: I am an INTJ female (extreme I, 100% N, moderate T, moderate J) with an INTJ guy (moderate IN, extreme TJ). It works very well. I am a bit wolvish and he a bit sheepish which suits us both. He is more organised and extrovert which is good for me. But I also act more E and F around him, because he likes it and is cheap and convenient for me to supply.

[whiteslate]

Hmm... So far the "poll" seems to indicate that more INTJ guys dislike INTJ gals than like them. But having at least one "huckleberry" is good news! :smug:

Hmm. .. Perhaps the numbers have changed by now? I didn't calculate, but perhaps this excerpt from lifexplore.com (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.) can also explain why:

"For INTJs, love means including someone in their vision of the world. INTJ men tend to be attracted to partners who enjoy living their lives with and outward vitality and zest. Perhaps it is to compensate for their internal, visionary focus that they often find partners who are more outgoing and may even run interference to help the INTJ deal with the day-to-day world. INTJ women, however, may seek someone more like themselves"

But now that the huckleberry is a rare one, I suddenly feel like a persimmon. *desperately trawls Socionicsdating website. :)





whiteslate added to this post, 17 minutes and 3 seconds later...

New here: I am an INTJ female (extreme I, 100% N, moderate T, moderate J) with an INTJ guy (moderate IN, extreme TJ). It works very well. I am a bit wolvish and he a bit sheepish which suits us both. He is more organised and extrovert which is good for me. But I also act more E and F around him, because he likes it and is cheap and convenient for me to supply.

Hi Cass, I'm new here as well - and had a gd relationship with another INTJ man as well. Seems like us INTJ women are pretty certain of what we like - someone like ourselves.

To the rest, though, I do have a question - what do you think then is the case with homosexual/bi INTJs? Would it be too much for you? Or is the INTJ gay quite a rarity? [With ref to the bi/homo thread in this forum: (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.)

Since the INTJ/INTJ pairing is very compatible for women, two INTJ women if they're slightly wavy, may just be perfect matches.

[Acextreme]

So, INTJ gals sound pretty interesting, after I did some reading around the forums. Now, the only problem...where do we find you? How do we spot an INTJ women from afar? And what do you do to at least signal a tiny weeny bit of interest to the INTJ male? And what would you like the INTJ male to do when first approaching you, talking intellectual or academical (assuming in Uni)? If so, how would you then know if we are interested too, we got to do something that hints you too, no?

To my knowledge thus far, I have yet to meet an INTJ female yet. I think I would enjoy meeting up with one someday and see how the compatibility goes. Right now, I desire women with brains, at least enough of it to not have to make me explain everything I say, especially witty jokes; it spoils all the fun when they don't get it and I have to explain it to them, what anti-climax... :irked: :cry: :thumbsdown:

What about INFP/J females? How do we differentiate them apart from INTJs?

[probity]

Hmm. .. Perhaps the numbers have changed by now? I didn't calculate, but perhaps this excerpt from lifexplore.com (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.) can also explain why:

"For INTJs, love means including someone in their vision of the world. INTJ men tend to be attracted to partners who enjoy living their lives with and outward vitality and zest. Perhaps it is to compensate for their internal, visionary focus that they often find partners who are more outgoing and may even run interference to help the INTJ deal with the day-to-day world. INTJ women, however, may seek someone more like themselves"


Now according to this I see myself as much more connecting with what an INTJ male would look for in a mate, not a female. I don't think I would work well with someone to similar to me, I need a man who's got just a little more 'zest' than I do.

As an INTJ female I've yet to meet an INTJ male who I would consider. Of course I've only met one and he was much more introverted than I am, so I wouldn't count out INTJ men as a whole.

[44sunsets]

Does anyone know if there are any INTJ men out there with similar personalities and mannerisms as these characters? Or are they too good to be true?
...
And do such relationships between an INTJ man and woman actually work out?

Well, fictional characters are fictional characters. But I can't see why INTJ-INTJ pairings wouldn't work, I see them all the time in real life and it's what my theory advocates: that gender atypical types (female INTJs, male INFJs etc) have an easier time of it if they pair up with partners of their own types.

Interestingly enough, I think you're one of the few INTJ women who have dated an INFJ man with no regrets. It's good to see that there's always an exception to the rule -- some people consider an INTJ woman and INFJ man pairing the "couple from hell"!

[Lucid]

So, INTJ gals sound pretty interesting, after I did some reading around the forums. Now, the only problem...where do we find you? How do we spot an INTJ women from afar? And what do you do to at least signal a tiny weeny bit of interest to the INTJ male? And what would you like the INTJ male to do when first approaching you, talking intellectual or academical (assuming in Uni)? If so, how would you then know if we are interested too, we got to do something that hints you too, no?

To my knowledge thus far, I have yet to meet an INTJ female yet. I think I would enjoy meeting up with one someday and see how the compatibility goes. Right now, I desire women with brains, at least enough of it to not have to make me explain everything I say, especially witty jokes; it spoils all the fun when they don't get it and I have to explain it to them, what anti-climax... :irked: :cry: :thumbsdown:

What about INFP/J females? How do we differentiate them apart from INTJs?

You identify us by picking up on the subtle aura of awesome that surrounds each INTJ female.
Actually I don't know. We're rare. You identify us the same way you identify an INTJ male.
You need to be pretty overt about your interest. Saying something like "Hello, you are attractive and I am romantically interested in you" is a good bet. We're just as oblivious as most INTJ men.
What INTJ women will respond to probably varies between individuals. We'll probably decide right away if you've got a chance with us romantically or not. I'd start with witty and intelligent jokes and comments. Most humans respond favorably to a potential mate who can make them laugh.
You'll probably know pretty quickly if we're not interested though.

[BostonIan]

When I thought of an INTJ woman in theory, I thought against it, for, but, then when I thought of some of the women in picture threads, it was a quick, "errp, nevermind." So, I guess that says something about attractiveness, that the vivacious, smiling, charming woman might be more immediately, classically attractive, but, at the end of the day, attractiveness is attractiveness.

Reading the boards, there seems to be some variation in INTJ's in terms of anxiety, happiness, social personality, etc. For me, I like to laugh and have adventures, I just don't need to, and I don't get too excited about it. I personally couldn't be around a dour person, or a thinker whose ideas I thought were superfluous or wrong-headed. Also, some INTJ's seem to be bossier than others, and two bosses in one relationship doesn't make clear sense; the lesser boss, especially if it's the man, might just prefer a weaker type.

[Cairech]

I'm an INTJ dating an ENTJ. It's worked out very well for the past 2.5 years, though we've learned that when a fight starts we must be careful. It can go from "What did you say?" to flamethrowers in a matter of seconds.

I very much enjoy the ability to discuss things rationally. We even discuss feelings rationally, or at least introduce them so. Both of us are able to admit feelings, and we deal with them. They just don't dominate.

And we're both astronomy geeks. Our first meeting was searching out the outdoor observatory at a local campus. He told me all about the vacuum former he was building (he's a mechanical engineer). Love him to bits but the boy can talk.

He very much prefers honesty in relationship and appreciates my intelligence.





Cairech added to this post, 3 minutes and 55 seconds later...

Oh, and on the subject of "who's the boss" in the relationship, we seem to take turns. It's sort of handed back and forth on a iNtuitive basis. We're both pretty deferential to the other.

[ClydeB]

Do INTJ men find these traits attractive in INTJ women?I can only speak for myself. And the answer is a resounding yes!
If you know any women like that in this area (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.). Drop me a note. We can meet and discuss it in person.

[MrDoom]

I can only imagine myself to be attracted to INxx women, and of all of them, INTJ by far. Their "wolvishness" is extremely intriguing; and I like the idea that, instead of being a gushy bimboistic damsel-in-distress waiting for me to save them from the Dark Wizard's tower, they would make good attempts to escape themselves (or facilitate a rescue) or make use of their time being a prisoner as a spy.

[Lucid]

I can only imagine myself to be attracted to INxx women, and of all of them, INTJ by far. Their "wolvishness" is extremely intriguing; and I like the idea that, instead of being a gushy bimboistic damsel-in-distress waiting for me to save them from the Dark Wizard's tower, they would make good attempts to escape themselves (or facilitate a rescue) or make use of their time being a prisoner as a spy.

Actually, it's more likely that we'd be the dark wizard. ;)

But thank you! Are there more men like you where you come from? :)

[MadmanMSU]

I have one female friend who is an INTJ. She is incredibly attractive...tall, blond hair, blue eyes, I think you get the idea. We connect on an intellectual level, for sure, and we have a very open and honest dialogue with each other, and we are both very intellectual and rational beings. We have a lot of fun talking about some of the deeper things in life.

Here's the kicker. I thought I was attracted to her at first...obviously it's important for me to get along with a potential romantic interest on an intellectual level which we do quite well. But she is *far* too introverted for me. I used to be a very strong "I" (9 to 1), but the older I get the more "E" I become (I think at this point I'm 6-4, still favoring "I"). It's hard for me to get her to go out and do things, she prefers to stick her nose in books and study/work. I know, for me at least, I don't tend to look for romantic partners to satisfy my "T" side, so while I do enjoy the talks that we have, I tend to get bored pretty quickly because we're mostly rehashing ideas that I've covered a million times in my head already (for the record, all ego aside, I do think I'm a tad bit more intelligent than she is, at least academically).

So, to bring this back to the original question...I think it is definitely possible for two INTJ's to be attacted to one another, but it is entirely dependent on what letters they place emphasis on. I've reconciled my attraction to this one particular INTJ to be purely physical, which is fine for me. We can be friends that way.

On a side note, give me an ENF_ any day. Oh my god, they wrap me around their little fingers like no other, its intoxicating...

[NickolsF]

quite the consideration here, I would find this pretty hard to analyze, once you consider the psych diffs in men and women in general, You would def have to meet of know an INTJ male or female first, since alot of us have probably never even met another intj, I dont think you could say it would work either way because an INTJ male and female would still be so different, we would need to know how the I.the N the T the J is affected by reason/logic/emotional decision makings.

[AnotherNormal]

Sign me up, I would certainly consider an intj woman.





AnotherNormal added to this post, 638 minutes and 41 seconds later...

My family - enfj, istj, 2 esfp, plus others.

All of these people are sane, sincere, great people, smart (people are smart in different ways). Most of them are far to sensitive, I don't have to try and hurt their feelings, it seems inevitable. Just a matter of time and I will say something that isn't just so. Misunderstanding plays into this.

I think it would be great to have a life partner that gets it, common ground.

[AnotherNormal]

death of a thread

[AliTree]

personally, i believe in simple physics: two similar poles repel from one another.
if you get too similar, you might just as well kill each other.
i found if you keep the N intact and switch it up for a INFP/ENFP you may last a lot longer. i even had history (embarrassing and confusing history) with these guys and they still wanted to be my friend or more.
my ex (which lasted close to 2 years) was an INFJ and that was too similar to last longer.

[AnotherNormal]

personally, i believe in simple physics: two similar poles repel from one another.
if you get too similar, you might just as well kill each other.
i found if you keep the N intact and switch it up for a INFP/ENFP you may last a lot longer. i even had history (embarrassing and confusing history) with these guys and they still wanted to be my friend or more.
my ex (which lasted close to 2 years) was an INFJ and that was too similar to last longer.


Thanks for the input. You may have something there. Research continues :)

[azelismia]

Thanks for the input. You may have something there. Research continues :)


eh, you're going to take relationship advice from someone that classifies themselves as an asexual? I personally would distrust that analysis of her situation since from other things I've read from her she looks for any excuse not to let anyone get too close. :)

My experience so far has been that if you're opposites it's never going to last, you don't have anything to talk about, you disagree on everything and you have nothing to do together. Relationships can only work if you're building from the same ground. you need to be enough alike to be able to communicate efficiently. You shouldn't have to "walk on eggshells" with a partner which is what happens when you go for someone dissimilar. They should get your jokes. They should understand you or at least be able to see where you're coming from. that doesn't mean you have to agree on everything I personally think some things should be seen from the other side of the court as I personally adore debates. (this is different for everyone of course, ymmv) This is one of the reasons I cannot be with strong F types, They shrink from debate. they see it as being argumentative and confrontational adn it makes you fundamentallya bad person in their eyes. I am not sure what the purpose of this thread is, but basically it's all individual. You can't manipulate anyone into liking you or not liking you and you need to decide for yourself what you want in a relationship. Maybe you're a masochist and having someone yell at you all the time for being a bad person is what you want.. go for the esfj.. but honestly, it should ALWAYS be a personal choice, not based on what anyone else tells you "Should be" the relationship choice for you.

[Zhen]

agree with ElstonGunn & AliTree,

Like&Like=Dislike!

[AnotherNormal]

Life is slowly coming back to the thread. *imagine beating heart*

I briefly dated an idealist (nf) woman, walking on eggshells is a good way to put it.

[Anreader]

Im not terribly informed about other types but i don't like extroverts. They make me feel like a wet blanket and Im not. I think Im really fun.

[bigjesse8]

The advice I would give would be to talk to them. I know I look for women who want to chat with me. I'd be all for giving it a try!

[amberlinen]

INTJ is great if you have the same values and opinions, a nightmare if your ideas are the opposite. I suspected that I've met an INTJ once, but he's so emotionally unstable I'm not sure.

[maxpot46]

Okay, now I'm curious:
Is it maybe a self-esteem thingy?

An INTJ who is feeling down would probably prefer a complimenting "F" type, while one who is confident would prefer an intellectual equal to keep things challenging.

Thoughts?This might very well be true, at least in my case. When I first met my wife (INFJ), I was an emotional retard and I really needed the blast of love that she sent my way. Now that I'm more mature and emotionally stable, I find myself craving a mindmate.

[WayBehind]

Hmmm, a woman who's rational, doesn't need my support, and stands up for herself (i.e. doesn't expect me to do it for her)? Sounds perfect to me.

For the OP, I'm pretty much a less miserable version of House without the need to mess with people (and without the cane).

[altoid]

This might very well be true, at least in my case. When I first met my wife (INFJ), I was an emotional retard and I really needed the blast of love that she sent my way. Now that I'm more mature and emotionally stable, I find myself craving a mindmate.

That makes a lot of sense to me. Based on myself and watching my friends, people seem to need different kinds of people at different times in their lives. There were times in the past when I was very emotionally insecure, and those frequent emotional expressions were something I needed at the time. When I'm content with myself those frequent expressions can feel cheap or insincere, and sometimes just plain irritating. I think this idea of "changing needs" is one of my problems with the concept of "one true love."

[Kisai]

I'm not actually sure if I'd like an INTJ woman or not. Frenemies with benefits, sounds interesting, but for settling down with...

I'm less I than my wife, so I have to make all the social plans and contact people to go out with. I'd prefer it if an E would call me up and ask if we were interested in going out. Having an E wife would certainly make things easier.

However, my wife's F lets me express my F in a safe environment. This probably helps me a lot more than I truly realize. I don't have to ball up or supress emotions around her. She practically feeds off of them, teasing me when she wants more.

My wife's P lets me take charge with my J. When I meet other male J's there's sometimes a quick who's-more-dominant moment. Sometimes female J's trigger this (especially SJ's). Sometimes its fun and sometimes its annoying.

[dalidaisy]

This might very well be true, at least in my case. When I first met my wife (INFJ), I was an emotional retard and I really needed the blast of love that she sent my way. Now that I'm more mature and emotionally stable, I find myself craving a mindmate.

I can understand this somewhat. I met and married an ESFP because he was so different & exciting. Then, the excitement wore off & the differences started driving a wedge. He was by no means my intellectual equal, or even close. Now, I would prefer someone that I can connect with that shares similar interests. Mostly, someone who stimulates me mentally as much as physically.