Your conception of sex

[sunitaishot]

Is sex for love, for pleasure, or both?

[dontmesswithme]

Both. I often wish I was the type who can just have casual sex with anyone, because then I could actually have sex again. But I'm not. I have to have strong feelings for someone to even consider having sex with them. I also think that love augments sex.

[Fishism]

Both. Or should I say either? Either is not an option, so I've confused myself.

To me, pleasure and love are not mutually exclusive. One can have one without the other.

[hi5yourface]

Both. Or should I say either? Either is not an option, so I've confused myself.

To me, pleasure and love are not mutually exclusive. One can have one without the other.

Yes.....but if you have pleasure with love is it compound pleasure?

[Fishism]

Yes.....but if you have pleasure with love is it compound pleasure?

You bet....that's the best case scenario..the ideal....but in the meantime......;)

[hi5yourface]

You bet....that's the best case scenario..the ideal....but in the meantime......;)

Yeah, yeah I know......idealisms stunt pleasure response for me however and can never truly replace the pinnacle. I would say the sum is greater than the parts.

[Apricots]

Sex is an expression of love to me, so I can't be casual about it. I would be the loser that developed feelings after a one night stand. Which is why I could never do a one night stand.

But sex is also pleasureful, and should be vastly and frequently explored, with the right person.

[Oros Ull]

Both. I often wish I was the type who can just have casual sex with anyone, because then I could actually have sex again. But I'm not. I have to have strong feelings for someone to even consider having sex with them. I also think that love augments sex.

Sex is an expression of love to me, so I can't be casual about it. I would be the loser that developed feelings after a one night stand. Which is why I could never do a one night stand.

But sex is also pleasureful, and should be vastly and frequently explored, with the right person.

I’m with both of you on this. I think it’s just an INFJ thing because most I talk to are the same way.

It’s not that I find it wrong or anything I just can’t seem to help but hold the act as sacred. It’s literally the most natural and intimate expression one has of displaying their affection for a loved one. So watching people degrade it by using it to manipulate, pander, violate and what have you always turned my stomach no matter how hard I would try to overcome the feeling.

Sex is an act of emotion to me so pretending it’s not just to get off just feels degrading and shameful. But with the right person then pleasure is what it’s all about. lol

[catzmeow]

I think it's an NF thing. I can't have sex without getting emotionally attached, so I don't. I require both love and pleasure to think sex is worthwhile. Otherwise, I'll just pass.

[Hobo]

I think it's primarily for pleasure.
But in cases it can be for both, obviously.

[JC22]

Not a game/toy.

[zibber]

The dichotomy seems contrived to me. I don't think I'd be very good at sex without any trace of emotional warmth.

[XV44]

Love enhances the pleasure but invariably ensures heartache later, if one is willing to pay that price then fine, but as for me I am trying to shift to a "purely pleasure" mindset.-

[superflax]

I thought this title said Your Contraception Of Sex.

I was like WTF?

Anyway to answer your question, both :)

[TheStranger]

Sex has a dark undercurrent, love and pleasure are mere bubbles on the surface.

[thod]

I can't have sex without getting emotionally attached

That's not a problem, because I can. I want that semen out of my balls and in that vagina. I don't even have to know you. It's like arguing I need to love the toilet to take a dump.

[Still Standing]

Is sex for love, for pleasure, or both?

Neither. It's for power, status and money.

[catzmeow]

That's not a problem, because I can. I want that semen out of my balls and in that vagina. I don't even have to know you. It's like arguing I need to love the toilet to take a dump.

Who is arguing that you need to feel a specific way?

[Distance]

Your conception of sex

Technically, sex is the attempted act of conception.

[Shadeylark]

both.

it can simply be a different expression of love... or completely lacking love.

i love the guys i served in iraq with, but i have absolutely zero desire to screw them.

i love my girlfriend, and i have a healthy desire to get it on with her.

and on the same note, ive had one-nighters where there was no love, it was just about pure pleasure with no attachments.

i love my war buddies no less than i love my girlfriend, but the expression of it differs because it is a different kind of love. sex doesn't enhance one kind of love over the other.

love and sex can be interconnected, but doesn't necessarily have to be. i won't even say that sex with love is always better (there's many ways fucking just for the sake of fucking is great).

heh, thinking about it i realized that i don't think sex is the ultimate expression of love at all. to me the ultimate expression of love is the willingness to sacrifice for someone else, in whatever form that takes.

[hi5yourface]

That's not a problem, because I can. I want that semen out of my balls and in that vagina. I don't even have to know you. It's like arguing I need to love the toilet to take a dump.

I laugh at this explanation.....yes, however your use of the toilet does not induce a biochemical oxytocin rush of love response....the act itself motivates bonding....I don't feel bonded to my toilet either lol!!!!

[zeroemission]

sex is sex & love is love. i've never experienced both at the same time. i thought i did once, but the feeling of love only went outwards.

[Distance]

I laugh at this explanation.....yes, however your use of the toilet does not induce a biochemical oxytocin rush of love response....the act itself motivates bonding....I don't feel bonded to my toilet either lol!!!!Don't laugh. Some guys must be bonded to their toilets, considering the amount of time spent on them.

[katatonic]

I can separate emotions from sex but I can also express love through sex. So both. I've probably had sex with more people that I had no sort of emotion for than people I have. Sometimes you just need to bone someone.

[sunitaishot]

Sex is an expression of love to me, so I can't be casual about it. I would be the loser that developed feelings after a one night stand. Which is why I could never do a one night stand.

But sex is also pleasureful, and should be vastly and frequently explored, with the right person.

I must be honest and say I've never understood the "sex is only for love" ideal. Sometimes I feel it can just be relieving an urge/feeling, and not to express love exclusively.

To answer my own question, I believe it's both.

[24601]

Sex has a dark undercurrent, love and pleasure are mere bubbles on the surface.

How? Some people are just entirely good and sweet, and it comes through in sex. Sex can be for love, pleasure, both, or neither. There are lots of reasons to have sex. I'm not at all into macabre, crazy, unpleasant sex, but that's me.

[Apricots]

I must be honest and say I've never understood the "sex is only for love" ideal. Sometimes I feel it can just be relieving an urge/feeling, and not to express love exclusively.

To answer my own question, I believe it's both.

Just to be clear: What I said was about me, I wasn't speaking generally.

I'm crazy bad at separating sex and romantic attachment, I guess. It isn't about being moral or holier-than-thou. I don't look down on people who aim to just get laid for the pleasant time. I just can't do it.

I have to be protective of myself, to avoid being burnt. If I could, I might possibly have sex purely for pleasure. Instead, I've learned to masturbate to sate that need.

Am I allowed to say that?

Anyway, I would have sex purely for pleasure with someone I loved. It doesn't always have to be candle lit hand-holding missionary with tears in my eyes.

As someone else here said, it might be an INFJ thing. Or maybe it's just me.

[Antares]

Are massages for pleasure, love or both? Quite honestly I still feel a little queasy about massages despite that my mother works in that industry and I literally have had hundreds of free, awesome massages that I enjoyed immensely. Something about stripping myself bare in front of a stranger is not appealing. I don't like to feel naked in front of others, but I hate being naked physically, than i hate being naked emotionally. Maybe it's evolutionary self-protection. I generally don't like random people touching me unless I feel safe with them, but I don't really mind touching on the hands, arms and shoulders. Thighs is pushing it. Face and neck, not ok. However, the big red line is at abdomen and back. I will literally flinch if you do that.

I have nothing against sex and consider myself sex-positive. I wish I wasn't so touch averse from people I know don't love me, but I am. There's nothing sinful about sex and its importance is overblown in American society (whether the pre-age-of-consent taboo, or the post-age-of-consent sex-craze. I wish people would realize it's a part of life like any other and stop making a fuss. Yes, you're allowed to talk about it without blushing!). If somebody sticking something in your body, literally merging with you in some ways, isn't considered an intimate act, then good for you. I can have sex with anyone I love, including very dear friends. Romantic relations are not required (though if you go that far with someone, there is a very, very thin line), but the emotional intimacy have to be there.

If I'm sex-crazed, however, at that time of the month, I may consider non-attached sex. Preferably anonymous.

[zeroemission]

i totally consider sex to be slumming it and an act of desperation. honestly, the BEST relationship i ever had in my life was the plutonic one i had with a female room mate that flirted with me every once in a while that also wanted me to drip hot wax on her etc. i really liked the "intimacy" of sharing a space with someone who cared and didn't cause any drama other than bringing obnoxious dates all to happy to abuse her i always wanted to pummel in "my castle"

[anticlimatic]

It's just instinct, and biological imperative-- with subjective conditions prescribed by the individual, according to how they've been conditioned as an adult. Women typically need love so as not to feel used, and men typically like love so they can feel more at ease, and perform better.

an INTP conception of sex (gone slightly wrong). (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.)

[Huruma]

Is sex for love, for pleasure, or both?

Love is a pleasurable emotion. I think that sex and love are (naturally) connected but I don't think it's 'supposed' to be an expression of love, it's as much of a physiological need as a psychological one.

[Nemesis]

Is sex for love, for pleasure, or both?

Depends entirely on context, for me. I don't really have a single monolithic ideal or concept of sex (or love, for that matter).

[DeepThought]

Is sex for love, for pleasure, or both?

Both, preferably at the same time.

[loveless]

Sex is like an alcoholic beverage. Some of them are sweet, while others are bitter. And some leave an aftertaste in the form of pain :)

Sex is for pleasure and for the continuation of a species.

[Faux hawk]

Sex is the closest we come to physically and mentally connecting to another. It's a biological drive often given too little thought or over thought until it loses it's true potential. It is the most intimate and vulnerable one can be with another because of this, and it's divine ability to create human life, the act should hold a sacred place in our minds as humans; however, when approached with too much reverence it loses it's primal nature.
It is both divine and animalistic. It is AMAZING even if it's just for fun.

[DesertKnight]

For me it can and has been for both or neither. Though the last few years I think I've developed a taste for both and I don't see myself as being able to separate the two anymore; or perhaps rather I'd simply not put in the same amount of effort anymore if I had to start all over again with someone new. Without the effort I doubt I'd enjoy it so I probably wouldn't seek it out in the first place.

[CrudeHypothesis]

Is sex for love, for pleasure, or both?

You really don't know the answer to that?!