Get over a crush

[enfpchick]

I have had a crush on the same INTJ,who used to go to my school, for over a year. I never had the courage to ask him out though we are good friends. Now he has moved away and I thought my feelings would too. Surprisingly I still have them for him even though I know we can never be together.Arr this is consuming my life and I want to be free! This is where you guys come in with your logic because I would like to know how to move on. LoL I also wouldn't mind if you sprinkle some 'feeling' in there as well. Include any stories you personally have.

[seoa]

the crush is there because you're allowing yourself to still think of him....

you have to choose to refuse to let him into your brain... which is completely impossible, i know, because it involves a level of self-discipline quite foreign to the enfp mindset...

best way to get him out of your brain is to fill it with something else instead... take up an all-consuming hobby.... get involved in some charity work that fires up all your passions.... or find yourself a new guy to crush on.... or even better, a guy to actually *date* rather than crush on....

you may never get over him completely, he'll just reorder himself in the priorities of your life (if you *choose* to let him)... i still have little tendrils of crush attaching me to random guys from my past, but that's just a kinda sweet echo of what was...

repeat after me: a crush is fun, but it is not reality.... reality may be more problematic, but it is, after all, real.... :)



seoa added to this post, 3 minutes and 42 seconds later...

or if you really want to end it, contact him & say "i've had a hopeless crush on you for ages - you wanna try something long-distance...?"

the intj advice generally seems to be to state your feelings up front, so this would be a valid move... when he says "no way" (which he probably will), then you'll be able to move on....

of course, you'll also feel incredibly stupid for having wasted so much time crushing on him....

so it's your choice.... retire the crush and keep the little romantic hope by indirect action, or kill the crush & the hope with the direct action....

[Avid]

This depends on so many variables.....Do you want to end the crush or pursue it? Is he worth it? Do you truly value him beyond simply just a crush? Are you willing to move to be near him or do you think he would come to you?

If the answer is no to most or all of that chances are you just have to ride it out.

;keep mindful this is all in a gentle tone of thought and not me lecturing;

I think about it but the answers I come to probably wouldn't fit your style at all. Men in my social circles have always appreciated directness when it came to my affections or interests or lack thereof. They respect that and I respect that of them (men really deserve more credit sometimes). If you perceive your lack of initiative on romantic interests a negative then begin to build your confidence and just "force it". Once he gets his answer out the stress is lifted and you can go from there. Romance is all about timing and strategy...dang I make it sound like a game of battleship or something.

[muguly]

In my personal experience, the only way to get rid of the crush is to let the person know how you........fe....e...........fee...........f-e-e-l. There is something liberating about it that will cleanse your mind of all mushy things concerning the crushee (yes, I made that word up). I'm not saying you should proclaim your undying love for him, just tell him you like him, that's it. The let it happen however it's supposed to.

[enfpchick]

I just deleted him from my facebook, his phone number, and email.
It hurts!

[Avid]

At least you found your resolve and are now on a path to emotional freedom until you find someone else.

*Pats on back. Nods head.

[enfpchick]

I hope the new one comes soon!:cry:

[rahdam]

It will vanish in time. It always does.
Out of sight, out of mind.

[Avid]

:(Aw.

[ElstonGunn]

I'd suggest focusing on how it wouldn't have mattered if he stayed around, because even if you did date him, which was probably unlikely to happen, odds are it wouldn't have worked out anyway.

I don't know if that line of thought works for other people, though.

[Avid]

I'd suggest focusing on how it wouldn't have mattered if he stayed around, because even if you did date him, which was probably unlikely to happen, odds are it wouldn't have worked out anyway.

I don't know if that line of thought works for other people, though.

Good sound advice. I think since she is a dominant feeler that even if she did rationalize it out she might not be able to quench the feeling. Maybe what she desires/needs is general emotional support. <---If I'm wrong in any of that please let me know.

[Synamon]

Allow yourself to think of him one more time, but only think about the negative traits he had. How he was oblivious to your feelings, how he ignored you, his ugly shoes, how he was so annoyingly quiet, his horrible haircut, and imagine him as whatever repugnant reptile those traits apply to (ie:cold hearted snake, creepy iguana, slimy gecko, etc). Now every time thoughts of him pop into your head think of the reptile, say 'cold hearted snake' in your head and dismiss him. The power of negative thinking will ease the crush.

[ricearoni]

In high school I had a crush on an older guy named Dewey. He actually insisted that people call him by that name. He was a nerd and he was hot. :lovestruck: So the crush went on for like two years. I was so shy that I never had the nerve to talk to him. I had exchanged maybe two sentences with him. One for each year. He went on to graduate with a full scholarship to some fancy schmancy art school and I thought I'd never see him again. :(

Two years later, I was studying business and on a whim decided to take an art class because I had secretly always loved drawing. Lo and behold Dewey was there! Of course that scared the crap out of me, so I dropped the art class and thought I'd never see him again. Little did I know that I'd end up taking two classes with him in one semester that I couldn't drop. Still couldn't talk to him though he tried to talk to me. I graduated college, broke up with the guy I was dating and thought to myself I should've talked to Dewey.

Fast forward three more years...
I end up getting a temporary position at my dream job. Guess who was my boss? Yup. Dewey. By then I was over the shyness thing, but he was married with a kid. So nothing romantic could happen. But I was surprised to discover that he remembered me and even the classes that we were in together. I was even more surprised by the stuff we had in common.

Anyway...so this probably seems all off-topic but I promise it isn't.
Being forced to face my crush in such an intense way made me realize two things. One, if I had the balls to actually talk to him in college, things could've been so different. I could've ended up dating him or I could've ended up with a real awesome friend. And two, I could've saved myself so much stress and heartache.

I know rejection totally sucks, but the pain from that only lasts a short while. The torture of living with the thoughts of what if, that can go on for a long time.

So um...I guess I'm an advocate for revealing your crush in order to get over it. And if that doesn't work, find someone else to distract you.

[greenblob]

I say tell him, especially if you have no chance, the mentality being that if there might be a chance in the future, you could build it up. If there is no chance, you have nothing to lose.

[karenk]

I have a completely repugnant way to get over a crush which I should be embarrassed to reveal. Anytime you think of him in any way (I mean any passing thought not just random thoughts of intimacy) -interject the thought with you having sex with someone you find unattractive or really dislike. It's so unkind to the person you insert and so weird but nobody ever knows. It works because you can't bear to keep interjecting the thought so you stop. This method is really just brainwashing yourself. I can't picture anyone taking this advice. ha!

[LionsPride]

I love having a secret crush. It makes life so much more interesting. I understand the problem with preoccupation though.

I agree, the best fix for an old crush is a new one. Of course there is always my latest fantasy, but the old ones are always remembered fondly. I google their names every once in a while to see if they are up to anything interesting.

[DeafEars]

wow do you have to delete him? heehehe.... i believe you are suffering, because you are still lingering on the idea of "what if" that's why you are unable to let of of the feelings.... you might want to tell him something and see how it works out at least after that your mind will be free from the "What if, what could have" thoughts....

[enfpchick]

wow do you have to delete him? heehehe.... i believe you are suffering, because you are still lingering on the idea of "what if" that's why you are unable to let of of the feelings.... you might want to tell him something and see how it works out at least after that your mind will be free from the "What if, what could have" thoughts....

This is exactly what I'm going through.
LoL optimism and intuition is a deadly combination!

[Eric86]

I hope the new one comes soon!:cry:
*hugs*

Try not to worry about it too much. You'll be alright in the end.:)

[Acextreme]

Seriously, you should try to talk to him and drop some hints. We INTJ males are most likely one of the denser ones. If you don't drop some obvious hints that you have an interest in us, we most likely won't make a move unless we are interested in you.

All you need to do is talk to him and get his attention. Once you do that, things would be easier. Or unless you intend to end it, confess straight to him and see what he does. If he rejects, it will then be over as you wished. Otherwise, something else might happen... ;)

[ElstonGunn]

Seriously, you should try to talk to him and drop some hints. We INTJ males are most likely one of the denser ones. If you don't drop some obvious hints that you have an interest in us, we most likely won't make a move unless we are interested in you.

I don't know if anyone else would agree with me or not, but as far as I go, hints don't work. Subtle hints are useless. Blatant hints do nothing. Hints that are so painfully obvious that blind people halfway around the world can see them won't get me to do anything. If someone is interested in me, I won't respond unless she has the decency to quit playing grabass and just make it clear to me. I guess that explains why my relationship history is so bare-bones, but either way, I know what I'm doing, and that's how I'm going to do it.

I'm only saying this because I have a mild suspicion that, while I might have particularly strong opinions about the subject, other people might act the same basic way to a lesser degree, whether it's in principle or just practice.

[JoeyDude]

Morph into an INTJ. Problem solved.

[Silence]

It's always hard to get over a crush, especially the unrequited, secret kind.

Now that you've deleted his information, the temptation to contact him will hopefully fade. As someone else posted here, the easiest way to get over an old crush is to start a new one- and by 'get over', it means 'lessen'. Allow yourself to schedule some moping/mooning time, for one last go of it. If you're going to do it, do it well. Put on sad music, put on some sad show, light those candles and write the soppiest poetry and letters to him that you can. Really get into it. Don't hold back. Reverl in that loss and sorrow, and wade through it until you reach the other side.

And when you start getting a little bored/tired/frustrated, keep doing it.
Mope and grieve and weep until you are heartily, heartily sick and tired of it. Until you realize that it's over, that it was totally one-sided, that you waited too long and that ship has sailed. Give yourself the closure you need- and then treat yourself to some ice cream and close that door. Maybe the future will hold something for you, but for now, it's a done deal.

And next time, don't wait. Don't be shy. Life is too short, so go out there and grab big, greedy handfuls of it and indulge. You're an ENFP, for cryin' out loud. You've got a reputation for your personality type to uphold. Go get 'em, tiger!

[enfpchick]

I feel so pathetic because I broke down and texted him today. Though I deleted his number I still remembered it. Arrrr I really am sad.

[ElstonGunn]

What did you say to him?

[enfpchick]

Just told him "holla" and asked how things were going.
I really wanted to go cold turkey and cut all communication but I had a relapse moment and have been beating myself up over it all day.

[ElstonGunn]

I really wanted to go cold turkey

It's not as delicious as it sounds.

At least you didn't say anything especially dramatic or tell him that you were interested in him or something like that.

[enfpchick]

It's not as delicious as it sounds.

At least you didn't say anything especially dramatic or tell him that you were interested in him or something like that.

LoL now I want a turkey sandwich.
I haven't mustered up the courage to tell him just yet. Though there was a period before his current girlfriend that we almost took our friendship to the next level. We were hanging out together and he kept on touching me. I was going to say something and he looked like he expected me to, but at the last moment I chickened out and he hooked up with another girl. LoL i am always asked to come and meet the new girlfriend and tell him what I think.

I think my window of opportunity is now officially closed. That is why I have to move on. The funny thing is that there are a few guys who I know like me at the moment but I can't do anything because I am still hung up on Mr. INTJ

[ElstonGunn]

I think my window of opportunity is now officially closed.

You could always chuck a big "I like you" rock at that window. If it turns out that the window was still open, then move onto the next issue. If it was closed and you shattered the window pane, just haul ass out of there. That might make it easier to stay away.

[karenk]

Why aren't you willing to tell him you are open yourself? If he's not open to anything I think he will just tell you and then you could stay friends. At the very least he'll probably find it flattering. Excuse my naivete but I thought this would be easier for an extravert.

[enfpchick]

Excuse my naivete but I thought this would be easier for an extravert.

Are you kiddin' me!!!
Ok I am extrovert and that makes me naturally open, outgoing as well as social. I am able to talk to anyone, thats why he and I became friends in the first place. I naturally bring people out of their shells. BUT when I like a guy I completely turn opposite to that. I am quiet, private, and can hardly look them in the eye much less come out an say I like you. LoL i can tell a stranger I just met and don't know their name that I like them but not a guy I know and fancy. Its like an super introverted alter ego takes over. All of my risk taking and spontaneity jump ship leaving me a coward.

[CarolinetheENFP]

all i can say is i am in the SAME boat.
im totally completely in love with my INTJ
and he wants nothing to do with it anymore
and i cannot move on to save my life
ENFP thing is guess





CarolinetheENFP added to this post, 21 minutes and 16 seconds later...

its a sad story too
we met around this time last year
and became super close because of our strong N propensities and would just debate and discuss everything .. especially complex things all the other inferior Ss and such couldnt keep up with.. lol jk
but he started really liking me and did a crazy thing for an INTJ .. he started to show it..
subtley lol but enough that my psychic people reading skills picked up on it
eventually he starts asking me out all the time
but i didnt want to ruin this amazing friendship we had
so i kept turning him down .. but in a way i dont think he even realized he was getting turned down lol
but eventually i caved and went out with him for like.. a month.. lol and got really super bitchy because i felt pressured into the relationship so i broke up with him
then i hated him for some unknown reason and communication ceased
but fast forward a few months
that irresistable ENFP-INTJ connection pulls us together again and its just like old times
i start liking him like crazy.. despite my uber boring ISTP boyfriend of 9 months
and he starts flirting back (!)
then i ask him for a ride and we end up hooking up in his car 2 days in a row lol
so its out now .. no hiding
so we start texting every night till 4 in the morning and he does something that made me melt
an INTJ says I LOVE YOU GOODNIGHT
OMG!!
they dont do that!
but i still was concerned about our friendship so i didnt take the bait but he continues to do this every night
finally something snapped
a switch flipped in me and i realized i was madly extremely hopelessly in love with him
and i knew he would be so thrilled because of how long he had tried to be with me
so that night after he says 'i love you goodnight' i say 'i love you too. notte bene :)'
then he doesnt talk to me for three days
so i call to see whats up and he says 'ive made a decision about us. we need to be friends. i just cant like the same girl twice'
i was like WTF lol so i get mad and then i text him the next day in a typical bold ENFP fashion:
me: you know how you said you cant like the same girl twice?
INTJ: yeah
me: well buckle up. Im about to prove you wrong.
INTJ: you can try
ever since them its been on. i cant get over him. wont get over him. it was so perfect before and nothing has changed so i just have to figure out
1) why the sudden switch
and
2) how to get the bastard back lol
any suggestions?
*intjs particularly*

[superjo562]

the key is, as difficult as it may be, to STOP thinking. Focus on yourself and your tasks (keep yourself busy)

[CarolinetheENFP]

im incredibly busy
but even during the craziest parts of my day
he is still #1 thing on my mind..
and eventually
you have to turn off the lights
climb into your bed
and hang on to your pillow for dear life
trying to forget
and thats when there is no escape you know?
well .. i suppose you wouldnt .. lol

[ElstonGunn]

me: you know how you said you cant like the same girl twice?
INTJ: yeah
me: well buckle up. Im about to prove you wrong.
INTJ: you can try
ever since them its been on. i cant get over him. wont get over him.

I really admire your tenacity.

[CarolinetheENFP]

haha thanks :)
the sick thing is so does he
hes rather pleased with himself about it lol
INTJ: "you stopped trying to 'get' me. are you not going to anymore?"
ENFP: i havent stopped.. i just dont want to be something other than myself for you because if it works out youll like my fake INTJ pleasing persona instead of me. so im just letting things play out naturally and see what happens. why, do you want me to try to 'get' you?
INTJ: I dont know.

and its really unlike me i must say
i have only been the one left once
and i only cared for like.. a day
then consoled myself with like 98797 other guys who were "better"
but theres something about him..
i mean hes held my attention way past the ENFP due date
like what should I do or say to him to try to change this thing?

[ricearoni]

an INTJ says I LOVE YOU GOODNIGHT
OMG!!
they dont do that!

:wideeyed:

wicked.awesome.

I don't think you need to get over this crush, but maybe you should post a thread of your own. Though...it seems like things are going pretty well since he isn't running from you.

[Acextreme]

Well, I don't know whether this is an INTJ thing or not but over here, I won't like the same gal twice too. Each gal just gets one chance and if they blew it, it's gone. I don't know whether this makes sense but I have dignity. It's a dignity rather than an ego issue, I think. If you rejected me once, then even if you come "crawling" back, I won't accept it. Secondly, you were the one who made the decision but now that you regret it, too bad. I am not turning back. It's really hard to explain my way of thinking and feeling and it does look cruel. But I can only speak for myself, don't know if your INTJ is also like that.

The only thing that I can think of that might (I say might, I don't know that myself too since it had not happened to me but it certainly does have a higher chance of convincing me based on my intuition) make me change my mind is to apologize for the initial rejection, making emphasis that it's got nothing wrong with him but that you are TOO UNSURE of yourself back then and that you are SO CONFUSED that you were afraid of not even be able to be friends if things go wrong and so you were quite bitchy because of how VEX you are during the short courtship and that you didn't have enough space to think things through thoroughly. Now that you had, you REALIZED that you really WANT this relationship BADLY and you can't believe yourself over what you had done to him and yourself the last time round. And say sorry again and see if he accepts.

By doing this, you would "lose" your dignity too and now both of you will be talking on equal grounds now. Well, again, I must say I don't really know if this applies to your INTJ and honestly, I don't even know if this will work on me since it hasn't happened to me before but I do feel it has a high chance of working. The thing here is by saying what I quoted above, you are telling him the reason (not feelings) that caused you to do all those bitchy things. So long as it makes sense, he might be willing to give this relationship another chance.

[Eric86]

That's definitely some very good advice.:)

[pure potential]

Truly you just need to go for it, its the only way to get closure on it. YES its frightening- I know all too well and I don't get scared easily- but damn it feels good to get it off your mind/heart and get that time and energy you spend 'wondering' about him back (not that I still don't wonder about and check up on him, he fascinates the heck out of me!). Plus 'not knowing' just plain sucks. I can't stand trying to figure out something from just one point of view (aka 'mine'), open communication and insight are essentials in my world and if its not available then its not worth my energy to wonder about it... tho I know I can't ever stop wondering, its not my in my nature.

If you put it out there to the universe, and more importantly to the person involved, and its meant to be, it will be. At minimum you'll have a better perspective on the situation and possibly some closure..

Good luck!

[PortInStorm]

It will vanish in time. It always does.
Out of sight, out of mind.
Not in my experience- sorry, but true

[DeafEars]

all i can say is i am in the SAME boat.
im totally completely in love with my INTJ
and he wants nothing to do with it anymore
and i cannot move on to save my life
ENFP thing is guess





CarolinetheENFP added to this post, 21 minutes and 16 seconds later...

its a sad story too
we met around this time last year
and became super close because of our strong N propensities and would just debate and discuss everything .. especially complex things all the other inferior Ss and such couldnt keep up with.. lol jk
but he started really liking me and did a crazy thing for an INTJ .. he started to show it..
subtley lol but enough that my psychic people reading skills picked up on it
eventually he starts asking me out all the time
but i didnt want to ruin this amazing friendship we had
so i kept turning him down .. but in a way i dont think he even realized he was getting turned down lol
but eventually i caved and went out with him for like.. a month.. lol and got really super bitchy because i felt pressured into the relationship so i broke up with him
then i hated him for some unknown reason and communication ceased
but fast forward a few months
that irresistable ENFP-INTJ connection pulls us together again and its just like old times
i start liking him like crazy.. despite my uber boring ISTP boyfriend of 9 months
and he starts flirting back (!)
then i ask him for a ride and we end up hooking up in his car 2 days in a row lol
so its out now .. no hiding
so we start texting every night till 4 in the morning and he does something that made me melt
an INTJ says I LOVE YOU GOODNIGHT
OMG!!
they dont do that!
but i still was concerned about our friendship so i didnt take the bait but he continues to do this every night
finally something snapped
a switch flipped in me and i realized i was madly extremely hopelessly in love with him
and i knew he would be so thrilled because of how long he had tried to be with me
so that night after he says 'i love you goodnight' i say 'i love you too. notte bene :)'
then he doesnt talk to me for three days
so i call to see whats up and he says 'ive made a decision about us. we need to be friends. i just cant like the same girl twice'
i was like WTF lol so i get mad and then i text him the next day in a typical bold ENFP fashion:
me: you know how you said you cant like the same girl twice?
INTJ: yeah
me: well buckle up. Im about to prove you wrong.
INTJ: you can try
ever since them its been on. i cant get over him. wont get over him. it was so perfect before and nothing has changed so i just have to figure out
1) why the sudden switch
and
2) how to get the bastard back lol
any suggestions?
*intjs particularly*

i think, you have him before... but the time you kept on turning him down probably he gave up along the way.... at the end you were just a problem/challenge he needs to solve. then he lost interest... I've realized its not good to say your first 'I love you' on a text or chat environment cause you never see their reaction and they can always run away :)

[moomoo]

well, it sort of reminds me of what happen to me last time. I got a crush on a guy and sort of i can feel that something is going on between us. So we text each other everyday at the same time everyday, went out for a date and etc. What happen was i sort of ask him if he had any feelings for me. He told me that we were just friends. then i decided to get back on him. So i continue as nothing happen and text him everyday at the same time. so one day i decided to stop and see his reaction. I left my phone in my room and went out to exercise (to keep my mind off my phone).
I found out that he called and text me asked if i'm angry at him for not replying his msg. Later in the evening he texted me to say that he likes me and asked me to be his gf. i told him that we were just friends.

[CarolinetheENFP]

see thats what i initially thought too
so i asked him straight out .. as ive learned little else works with him lol
i was like okay does this have anything to do with when we broke up like is this payback in any way for me turning you down in the past or something that happened between us?
and he was so offended that i could possibly suggest anything so childish and human of his nature blah blah blah
but i tend to believe him that hes not being vindictive
because arent you guys brutally honest?
idk.. but hes starting to talk to me more
its funny .. almost like he can barely help himself
hell just turn around and starts saying something
and then he catches himself and turns away and hunches down and is quiet
then something flits across his mind and he jerks back around to tell me some exciting conclusion hes come to and then realizes what hes doing
and turns back around haha
he knows im the only one who he can do that with
i mean its inevitable for us to be together right?

[Synamon]

i mean its inevitable for us to be together right?

I dunno, do people usually end up with their stalkers?

[CarolinetheENFP]

hmm point taken
still not giving up though
not when things are really starting to get better
ive never been like this about anyone or anything in my life
and hes worth the leg work and the determination

[DeafEars]

@CarolinetheENFP, he obviously likes you, he just cant afford to get turned down with the same person lol, or his probably computing on how long are you gonna be together.. and if its gonna be worthwhile v.s the grief he'll get if you leave him LOL. you see us INTJ, nobody really pays attention to us that much lol, So if you give your full attention to him, he'll probably get used to it and he'll be really attached to you lol. just be more aggressive, but don't say you like him... until you're sure his head over heels for you *sounds like an evil plan*

[CarolinetheENFP]

and i do love an evil plan ;)
i think this sounds more like him
or perhaps this sounds more like what i want it to be lol
either way
im doing it lol
he also ive noticed responds to the occasional sexual comment
like today in calculus
he was talking about how hes going to get a new car
and he was talking about what kind etc
and i was like.. just make sure it has a big backseat..
the last one was a little cramped ;)
and he actually did a blush-smile and bent really low over his work muttering something
haha i love doing that to him
the teacher was a bit uncomfortable though..

[DeafEars]

is he seeing anyone? if not he's probably all yours lol good luck ! :)

[CarolinetheENFP]

no hes single!
and i can be very persuasive at times.
so well see how it goes i guess..
i actually had an offer from a mutual friend to hook me up with a hacker for his computer today so i could see exactly what is going on.. lol
although tempting i was virtuous and refused to stoop to that level!
but i thought it was humorous he offered :P

[Eric86]

I'm really glad to see that things seem to be going well for you. Keep up the good work! :)

[Aeroscoper]

Wow interesting thread. This sounds a lot like my wife and I.

We met at work while still with significant others. She being *nfp, me *ntj, we connected as really good friends. She was so committed that I didn't really allow myself to entertain too many thoughts of taking it further.

Don't want to get into too much but, we finally got together when she moved 3 states away. When she let me know she was available and so was I at the time, the distance meant nothing to either one of us.

You need to let him know how you feel. No beating around the bush, ask him out. If he's like me, he'll let you know the deal right off the bat. He'll either say he's not available or he'll be in his car on his way to see you after he hangs up the phone. Just because he's with someone else at the time doesn't matter much, and neither does the distance. I've dated girls for years knowing it'll never get deeper than dating.

A good way to try to prevent a big hurt is an honest assessment of yourself and your pairing. Not to sound callous, but you've got to be up to his "standards". If he's a hottie, you better have something going for you. Again, that may sound crass but just being upfront with you to prevent a big let down. If you guys have been friends and he's spent a good amount of time with you, there's a good chance he's already interested.

Good luck!!

[CarolinetheENFP]

lol well this is about to sound really really cocky
and i hate saying it
but you INTJs are all about cocky haha
so here goes
im actually the one way on the hottie side
like way far out of his league people are shocked i like him
thats what made this all the more frustrating
because its almost like.. are you blind...
lolol and i know thats a horrible way to be or think
so please dont judge just trying to clarify
btw i am so happy you married her
that makes me happy. :)
does your relationship work?





CarolinetheENFP added to this post, 1 minutes and 1 seconds later...

**disclaimer**
but obviously hes attractive enough to me
despite what society might think
society doesnt get any of us extreme Ns anyway

[Aeroscoper]

Caroline if that's true, than go for it. I've had a few occasions where I dated girls "way outta my league". If he's hesitating, he may be afraid of being hurt by you. I"m not sure about the rest of the INTJ's but I was a bit insecure and terrified of being hurt.

My wife is the best thing that ever happened to me. We are currently undergoing training to be pre-marital counselors. Growing up I never knew I could ever find a match so well suited, when I met her it was truly amazing.

We have close friends that are ENFP/INTJ match, it's a blessed combination.

[CarolinetheENFP]

aww
i do love a happy ending :)
it is true
but it doesnt matter to me
its not about 'leagues' with me personally.. thats just how others see it
but they reallyyy dont matter
i love him, all of him, even his flaws
and ive made it abundantly clear
ugh boys are dumb lol

[Aeroscoper]

Have you pointed out the things about him that attract you so? I would always ask myself "why would a girl like that date a guy like me?". Have you ever told him how much you admired his brain? Is he an "enlightened" INTJ, as in, does he know about the types and such?

Sorry if I pry...always curious. :)

[CarolinetheENFP]

no its okay i love to talk about him
*throwing up noises from intjs*
sorry guys..
yeah he is "enilightened" as they say lol
it was funny because being ever the idealist on a quest for self knowledge i was googling different personality tests
and i found good ole myers briggs
after i took it and read all about ENFPs i was stunned at the accuracy and who better to discuss my recent findings than my INTJ
soo i call him up all excited (!!!)
ME: omg you have to take it its so weird
it says i have to marry.. an I.. an IN ... ugh what was it
HIM: INTJ?! thats what i am.. and i have to marry an E..
ME: ENFP ?!! thats what i am! ..
HIM: oo..
lol *awkward pause*
it was the best moment EVER lol
since then we talk about it all the time and we love to type people and debate whether the calc teacher is an N or S etc etc its been great for our relationship

and yes he has asked specifically that more than once ... the why do you like me? what is it about me that intrigues yoU? thing more than once
and ive blown his ego to the max listing out every physical and metaphysical quality that i so loved
perhaps he needs a refresher? lol idk..

[Aeroscoper]

Ok of course everyone's different and the types are just one tool to assess blah blah blah,
but I'll go on a limb and assume his mental processes are similar to mine as an INTJ.

We tend to go about thing methodically and calculatingly, even without knowing it. So depending on the age, he's probably going back and forth in his mind on whether or not it'll work or not.

Definitely sounds like he's a bit concerned about the big hurt, and from what I've experienced, ENFP's are flirty types, thus that may be weighing in on his considerations as well. I didn't ever enjoy competing for a girl's affections.

Again, on a limb so don't quote me!

[CarolinetheENFP]

yeah
flirty
understatement major
lol
i noticed that i went through a party phase when we were talking but not together so i was free right?
but i went around acting an ENFP fool getting drunk and hooking up with people
*though the term hooking up is relative in each case*
and he usually loves to hear my crazy party stories and wanted to hear all about them
so i told him the recent ones
and a few days later we had the "friends" talk
so that may be very accurate
:(
but he has to know its different now!
we werent even together!

[Aeroscoper]

Hmmm...again on a limb. It sounds like you're still in school. I can look back and think of girls that I dated that I kept on my dating list, not my "potential mate" list because of that reason alone. Now fast forward to the real world, that same person could easily be on the "mate" list just because the circumstances and environment has changed.

And it'll be hard to convince an INTJ that it's "different" now. Only time and your behavior can convince him of that. Words are words ya know. :)

[karenk]

I had a crush and made myself get over it and now the person really irritates me. We work at the same place but don't talk or anything but if he's around it's painful in an irritating way. Does that mean I successfully got over it but went too far and it will take time to swing back to the middle? Does that mean I subliminated it and it still exists? I would just like to not notice or be irritated by this person anymore than anyone else.

[ricearoni]

I had a crush and made myself get over it and now the person really irritates me. We work at the same place but don't talk or anything but if he's around it's painful in an irritating way. Does that mean I successfully got over it but went too far and it will take time to swing back to the middle? Does that mean I subliminated it and it still exists? I would just like to not notice or be irritated by this person anymore than anyone else.

Well why are you irritated by him? Usually when you're over a person, they have no influence on your emotions...well unless they're just irritating people to begin with.

[ElstonGunn]

and yes he has asked specifically that more than once ... the why do you like me? what is it about me that intrigues yoU? thing more than once
and ive blown his ego to the max listing out every physical and metaphysical quality that i so loved
perhaps he needs a refresher? lol idk..

I was on the receiving end of that once. When I asked why she liked me, it seemed like she answered with a minimum of five hundred reasons. They weren't bad reasons, but some of them didn't make sense to me, and others seemed more like reasons to like someone as a friend. My usual response, whether I actually said it or not, was basically, "I don't believe you."

It might have to do with data that doesn't fit the pattern we're used to. If I saw a blue apple, I wouldn't know what to think about it, which would put me on my guard to a certain extent. And I'd definitely think that it's abnormal for being blue.

[karenk]

Well why are you irritated by him? Usually when you're over a person, they have no influence on your emotions...well unless they're just irritating people to begin with.


I don't think he's an irritating person. In fact he is quiet and could easily blend into the background most of the time imo. Maybe irritation is part of the process. Maybe no emotional influence is next. When he's around I just wish he would go away, or be quiet if he's talking to someone. It's really rude-I know.

[wotsamattaU]

enfpchick - did he reply to your text?

The quickest way to get over a crush is by applying a little NLP.

Each time you think of that person romantically, erase yourself from that image. In your place envision another person being romantic with them. Do this each time a thought of them comes up, and soon you will not wish to go there - too distasteful. This shortens the recovery time considerably. You are simply retraining your brain when it comes to them.

It does not make you resent them. This makes you face the facts (that for whatever reasons exist) this crush simply will not work.

Caroline - you mentioned that shy blush. If men only knew what that can do to a woman. It can bring out the jungle cat from within even the shyest of females. I swear it makes me want to pin them to the wall like a butterfly...and take them to places they have never been. Right SEXY. *fan*fan*fan* It's damn hot in here all of a sudden.

Karen - You are not over your crush because he is still emotionally affecting you. Rethink how you attempted to neutralize your feelings for him. How did you go about it? I have used the method I described above and had it work beautifully.

[karenk]

Karen - You are not over your crush because he is still emotionally affecting you. Rethink how you attempted to neutralize your feelings for him. How did you go about it? I have used the method I described above and had it work beautifully.


Actually the method I used is that bizarre one I posted earlier. When I thought of him in any way for a second I quickly replaced it with a thought of being intimate with someone I find distasteful. However now I have this new emotion about it.

[wotsamattaU]

Okay, quick Search and I found the method you used.

I have a completely repugnant way to get over a crush which I should be embarrassed to reveal. Anytime you think of him in any way (I mean any passing thought not just random thoughts of intimacy) -interject the thought with you having sex with someone you find unattractive or really dislike. It's so unkind to the person you insert and so weird but nobody ever knows. It works because you can't bear to keep interjecting the thought so you stop. This method is really just brainwashing yourself. I can't picture anyone taking this advice. ha!

You are retraining yourself to be repulsed by this individual. Is that what you really want?

If you just remove yourself from the romantic image and envision your Crush being with someone else - it has a different, neutralizing affect.

[Eric86]

Caroline - you mentioned that shy blush. If men only knew what that can do to a woman. It can bring out the jungle cat from within even the shyest of females. I swear it makes me want to pin them to the wall like a butterfly...and take them to places they have never been. Right SEXY. *fan*fan*fan* It's damn hot in here all of a sudden.
I get embarrassed really easily and blush too, even when I get teased by my guy friends (like at work; even if it's just a short little joking comment, it'll still make me all red), but especially when it's a girl doing it. oh my gosh.....I don't even know what to do at all when that happens....:embarassed:

[CarolinetheENFP]

mmm
well keep it up then ;)

[Eric86]

Are you referring to me?

[wotsamattaU]

*considers pinning Eric and ravishing*...suddenly remembers she is no longer single...forces herself to divert her thoughts...

Someone once mentioned on here to deflect with humor. That is precisely the way to go about it. Say something to get the other person to laugh. It's a wonderful exchange, like sharing a secret.

[CarolinetheENFP]

yes eric i was referring to you
lol
and so was the wolf
watch out
your a wanted man

[Eric86]

*considers pinning Eric and ravishing*...suddenly remembers she is no longer single...forces herself to divert her thoughts...
ahahahhaa, wow...that made me laugh soooooooooo much! Thanks for making me smile.;D


omg I'm still laughing!...lol





Eric86 added to this post, 4 minutes and 40 seconds later...

LOL

At this rate, you two'll have me falling off my bed from laughing so much!

though...I suppose you'd rather have me stay in it, right?.....

:wideeyed:

[CarolinetheENFP]

well i mean
the floor is fine
:D

[wotsamattaU]

Eric, thanks for sharing the smiles. I loved it - great deflection!

Stop tempting us. ;)

And in an effort to get back on topic, to get over a Crush - fill your hours with learning new things and immerse yourself in them. Get out and change your routine. Shake things up. Break your old habits and create new ones. Build new neural pathways that do not include obsessing over your Limerent object.

[enfpchick]

OMG I think I am actually over him!!!
I took my rational side out of the closet and shook the cobwebs out a bit and realized it would never work. During this "journey" I came to terms that I liked the idea of him more than he himself. This was tough but in a way liberating.

[CarolinetheENFP]

yay for ENFP!!
if only we could cut down that process a few years
lol

[enfpchick]

yay for ENFP!!
if only we could cut down that process a few years
lol

LoL Exactly!!!
Why couldn't I have seen this a year ago!
But if I look on the bright side (as I usually do) at least I am seeing it.

[Eric86]

well i mean
the floor is fine
:D
Looks like a win-win situation, then!;D


btw, this is so funny to me because...well....not one single girl has ever come after me, even a little bit....not even the ones that I very much expressed interest in....in fact, I've never really had any good experiences when it comes to that stuff, and have actually been treated very very poorly...:( It's so stupid cause the only girls I've ever had any problems with are the ones I've been interested in (through no fault of my own whatsoever....I get led on a lot too), and even though all the others do really like me and we get along perfectly and like talking to me and all that good stuff, for whatever reason, they never really want much of anything to do with me unless they have to, which I don't get at all....and then they go off with other guys who are just plain stupid, immature, arrogant, and disrespectful, which leaves me wondering....why do I keep getting left behind? Sometimes I really hate how backwards things are....


so...I guess it just doesn't make any sense to me why a girl would do that to me....but I'd really be happy if it did happen!

[CarolinetheENFP]

very true
but i choose to revel in my blindness
i love him
lol
a year later ill post on this same thread
like omg i just got over him!

[enfpchick]

lol
a year later ill post on this same thread
like omg i just got over him!

Hahahaha this is so true!
I already moved onto someone else who I suspect is an INTFJ.

[Eric86]

Eric, thanks for sharing the smiles. I loved it - great deflection!

Stop tempting us. ;)
huh??????:huh:


ummm....:embarassed:




*glances around aimlessly*





Eric86 added to this post, 2 minutes and 29 seconds later...

OMG I think I am actually over him!!!
I took my rational side out of the closet and shook the cobwebs out a bit and realized it would never work. During this "journey" I came to terms that I liked the idea of him more than he himself. This was tough but in a way liberating.
*high fives*

[wotsamattaU]

Congrats Enfpchick!

Stay the course Caroline!

Eric, behave! (you're doing it again)

Trotting off for a late meal...

[enfpchick]

Ahhh he just texted me to ask how I'm doin'!

Ok this is my first test to see if I really am over him.
* pulse- normal
*heart rate- normal
*cheeks- cool

OMG I am over him!

[CarolinetheENFP]

haha yeah eric
behave lol

[enfpchick]

This whole crush thing has got me to thinkin'
Why do we ENFPs bother with you INTJs anyway?

[CarolinetheENFP]

yeah!
somebody give me a good reason

and .. been wondering..
are ENFPs as fascinating to INTJs as you are to us?
or is it a one way street :'(

[ElstonGunn]

This thread's got NF-stink all over it now. Ugh.

;)


This whole crush thing has got me to thinkin'
Why do we ENFPs bother with you INTJs anyway?

Maybe there's something to be said for the "opposites attract" line of thought. Or, it might not be exact opposites, in that Idealists and Rationals are both intuitives. So maybe it's more like using the same thing for different, and possibly complementary, purposes.

[Eric86]

haha...I don't even know why I went on that long-ish rant...oh well.

[enfpchick]

yeah!
somebody give me a good reason

and .. been wondering..
are ENFPs as fascinating to INTJs as you are to us?
or is it a one way street :'(

Yeah I DARE one of you INTJs to.

Give me one good reason (lol or 2 or 3)

[Eric86]

haha yeah eric
behave lol
I am too behaving! shush already!

[OneHertz]

takes you one year to get over it, takes us one year to realize that we have a crush.

[Eric86]

and .. been wondering..
are ENFPs as fascinating to INTJs as you are to us?
or is it a one way street :'(
Well, I may not be an INTJ, but as for me....I don't really think you're "fascinating" in the sense like studying the unknown like some long-term experiment or whatever, but it's more like....I see your upbeat enthusiasm and happiness, headstrong, loving nature toward everyone without being afraid to show it, propensity to having fun without worrying about much of anything, lots of very encouraging and helpful understanding of me, willingness to give the hesitant a push in the right direction, surprisingly deep thoughts and feelings...all of that stuff I really admire and am VERY much attracted to.....to me, it's like ENFPs have this amazingly beautiful glow around them, and I just can't help being drawn toward it....I feel like I can connect with them so well and that we compliment each other a lot, it just amazes me...

[CarolinetheENFP]

awww
i want to glowww
haha
*3453452 brownie points being awarded*

[Eric86]

lol that probably sounded reeeeeeeeeaaaaaallllllly mushy, but oh well...

[CarolinetheENFP]

haha oh no honey
no such thing as mushy from an IXTJ
would you feel better if i took away some brownie points so you could keep your rep?
lol

[Eric86]

Yay, I love brownie points! Thank you so much!:nice:

*hugs*





Eric86 added to this post, 2 minutes and 20 seconds later...

haha oh no honey
no such thing as mushy from an IXTJ
would you feel better if i took away some brownie points so you could keep your rep?
lol
oh no, that's fine, I'm glad to have them! I was just kinda saying that as an aside to laugh at myself. I can't help it anyways, what with being an INFJ and all... lol

[Acextreme]

This whole crush thing has got me to thinkin'
Why do we ENFPs bother with you INTJs anyway?

yeah!
somebody give me a good reason

and .. been wondering..
are ENFPs as fascinating to INTJs as you are to us?
or is it a one way street :'(

Well, we should be asking YOU instead, lol. On my side, I haven't have much experience with ENFPs, don't even know if I had come across one but based on the description, you guys are outgoing, friendly, spontaneous, so I guess that helps to open us to a whole new range of experience and emotions. It kinda adds color to our lives, I guess...and maybe even help us discover more to ourselves and maybe also draw our inner selves out to the world?

But what do both of you like in your INTJs? What causes you to be attracted to them initially? I mean, most likely, your INTJs aren't the one who initiated conversation with you, so when did you find yourselves attracted to them? I am really curious to know.

[DrEast]

This topic is full of NF's. We need more NT's in here, make this more of an argument and less of a support group.

C'mon, someone post something controversial but not directly provable or disprovable! There's still a chance to save it!

[maabus1999]

takes you one year to get over it, takes us one year to realize that we have a crush.

Bingo.

[CarolinetheENFP]

hahaha
you ruined it!
jk
well if you want to see why im so drawn to INTJS
theres a post under my introduction where mind_wander had me make a nice long list
but i had to stop half way through becuase it made me sad.. :(
but yeah its there to read
as for why was i initially attracted to them.. just noticing attitudes mainly
like me and my INTJ started talking a long time ago when we were the only sophmores in precal in our tiny school. thats it a two person class lol
so he comes in on the first day and the first thing he ever said to me was..
: o great theres only two of us so one of us is the smart one and the other one is the stupidest kid in class :
LOL i was like .. yeah im caroline nice to meet you too...
and we both read a lot in school so we started trading books and stuff
eventually he got really comfortable with me after i had shared enough of myself to open up back
and idk it just went from there
:) goood memories
*contented sigh*

[Eric86]

I, unfortunately, don't have any memories like that...there were some things that might've been able to be good memories, but in the end it always ended up turning bad for one reason or another, leaving me confused with my heart totally crushed.:( You're lucky...

[CarolinetheENFP]

haha hang in there
youll get it eric
and itll be 23432 x better when you do

[Nanashi]

Are you kiddin' me!!!
Ok I am extrovert and that makes me naturally open, outgoing as well as social. I am able to talk to anyone, thats why he and I became friends in the first place. I naturally bring people out of their shells. BUT when I like a guy I completely turn opposite to that. I am quiet, private, and can hardly look them in the eye much less come out an say I like you. LoL i can tell a stranger I just met and don't know their name that I like them but not a guy I know and fancy. Its like an super introverted alter ego takes over. All of my risk taking and spontaneity jump ship leaving me a coward.

I just had an idea-flash--when I use my second function, Te, I am much more confident around people and they totally respect & respond to what I'm doing/saying. It's quite a noticeable difference compared to my pondering, in-my-head, withdrawn status quo, and I bet when ENFPs utilize their second functions, Fi, that they appear to be more introverted. Maybe? What do you think?

[karenk]

I have to see my old crush when I go to work so it's unavoidable. Otherwise, it would be so much easier of course. I have irrational feelings, like resentment when there's nothing to really resent at all that is reasonable. If I do that trick where you picture the person with someone else it conjures up that kind of thing. I think I'm being ridiculous.