Age preference in dating?

[Acextreme]

Ok, I just want everyone's opinion on how they view younger man dating older women.

If you are female, would you mind going after or dating a guy younger than you are? If you mind, please kindly comment on why would it would be so. If you don't mind, then what's the maximum differential in age would you allow and why?

For males, would you mind going after or dating a gal older than you? If you mind, why? If you don't mind, then what's the maximum diferential in age would you allow and why?


EDIT: Ok, the assumption I am making is that both are legal adults. I just want to see if there's any preference in terms of age in a dating scenerio. I'm also assuming that this is a serious releationship where marriage might be the end goal.

[NephilimAzrael]

Male perspective:
I would not mind dating an older woman. The maximum differential would be 10 years and that the woman would have to be single or divorced. Preferably a woman who has pursued her dreams passionately and had sacrificed her relationships for it and has chosen to re-enter the dating scene. But that is preferences of course.

I find there to be nothing inappropriate about older-younger relationships between mature legal adults. I do not find relationships with a minor as an adult to be reasonable. Most certainly infidelity put forward isn't reasonable either, I would never date any individual in a relationship with someone.

[cncracer]

Ok, I just want everyone's opinion on how they view younger man dating older women.

If you are female, would you mind going after or dating a guy younger than you are? If you mind, please kindly comment on why would it would be so. If you don't mind, then what's the maximum differential in age would you allow and why?

For males, would you mind going after or dating a gal older than you? If you mind, why? If you don't mind, then what's the maximum diferential in age would you allow and why?

I think the age difference become less of an issue the older you get. Once a person reaches middle age is no longer important.
The problem is with a teen or a young person with a much older person of either sex. I just don’t see the common ground for the relationship, and this would assure a harder time making it work. Old statement 20 will go into 60 a lot more than 60 can go into 20 comes into mind here..

[Avid]

Age has never been that important to me. Mental maturity and physical maturty don't develop at the same rates. The only main gap is general life experience that can only be gained with age or the raw physical vitality of youth. There are also gaps in culture. For example, older men in say their 60's or so may be more likely to hold onto the old notion that women are their servants and need to fullfil their "wifely duty" to appease them. I was always attracted to older men but within 5 years of my own age I'm not that old myself at 23. Men older than that in say their 30's that I had acquainted with while at college tried to take advantage of my youth and saw me as mentally inferior since (I'm guessing) that was how their other women were. They obviously didn't respect me and often tried to do weird mind games so of course I call them out on it, call them something nasty, and cease talking to them.

Anyway, I was never able to establish an age range. It comes down to the simple question of are they physically appealing enough where I am attracted to them? I would be hesitent of anyone past 34 though...they had better have a hell of a brain to compensate. Thats how I would see it if I were still seeking a life mate.

[Double Victory]

I think the age difference become less of an issue the older you get. Once a person reaches middle age is no longer important.
The problem is with a teen or a young person with a much older person of either sex. I just don’t see the common ground for the relationship, and this would assure a harder time making it work.

Female perspective:

This is how I feel. If I dated anyone younger than me right now, he'd most likely be in high school, and that would be just plain weird since I'm in college now.

On the other hand, my mom is married to man who is one year younger, and my dad is dating a girl who is one year older. There's still an awful lot of growing (physically and otherwise) for younger people, so age differences can be pretty glaring.

With my answer I'll have to put what I would feel comfortable with right now, which would be one year younger than me (although I still wouldn't be thrilled about it.)

[ElstonGunn]

I wouldn't say that I'd be completely fine with it, but I wouldn't necessarily write off all older women, either. There's probably some weird, illogical, semi-sexist reason for that buried in my psyche, but I'm not sure what it is.

[Dave C C]

Male view: 10 years older or younger.

[Danisty]

I'm married to a guy 2 years younger. I said 5 or more years.

[Merle]

I'm dating a guy 4 years younger than me at the moment... in general I would usually go for someone older, but he's extremely mature, in fact he's probably more emotionally mature than me.

[Colette]

Virtually all my boyfriends have been younger than me (and my ex husband was 4 yrs younger). I don't have an issue with it, but too much younger and there are lifestyle/maturity issues that would put me off.

[Motor Jax]

my ESTP g/f is 7 yrs older...

we are definitely on the same wavelength though... and when we are brainstorming or talking about world domination for hours on end, we are an unstoppable force...

[Avid]

<---Immovable object

[Dressage]

I am 23, and I voted 2 years younger. I am in the US, and it would be weird to try to date someone who you couldn't go meet with friends at a bar (under 21).
I'd probably rather they be done with undergrad.

I've never been in a serious relationship, and have just casually dated so I may cut off the older men a little sooner than someone with my experience my age would. 5 years older is about my cutoff. I don't really want to be in a serious relationship or looking towards marriage at this point in my life, but I'm having fun dating casually here and there. I don't really want to put the effort into a relationship...I have too much else going on that I'm having fun with.

[Antares]

Well, seeing I'm 15, age differences matter quite a lot. I think when I'm older, I wouldn't be as important.

[greenblob]

To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

More serious part of the post: I have a problem with dating people who are too young (I wouldn't date anyone more than 2 years younger than me), but I don't think I would have a problem with people much older than me.

[Grace]

When I was younger, I would have considered partnering with a man much older than I, and in fact I was married to a man 12 years older than me, at one time. Our age difference didn't bother me most of the time, but as we began to mature I realized I was still very much a 'young middle age', whereas he was definitely behaving more 'senior' like. This had nothing to do with our ultimate divorce, which was filed by him. I had been committed to him for the long haul. It gave me perspective on age difference in later years, though, because now I am only dating men 5 years older or less.I am concerned that I don't want to be someone's nursemaid after a relatively few 'good' years. (Plus, men frequently have trouble with sexual performance after the age of 60 or so...I'm still feeling too young to think about not having that piece in my life).
On the other side of the equation, I now have an empty nest. I would be willing to consider a partnership with a much younger man provided we could work things out in the area of children, and if he had enough integrity that I wasn't worrying about him looking for firmer skin in a few years. On average, women outlive men by several years.

[Seppuku Savant]

I don't mind someone a year younger. That's my limit though. I usually go older, on average 10 years.

[Mozzes]

I don't mind older ladies. They say you can really lose your head if a cougar pounces on you.

[azelismia]

When I was younger.. even a guy who was a little younger than me really put me off. as I get older I've dated guys a bit younger than me. it just doesn't matter as much as it did when I was in my 20's or earlier. there's still a limit though. I would never go for a guy THAT much older either. it's sort of the same limit on both sides I think. 5 or six years +- Current BF is 3 years younger.

[Synamon]

Where is the 25 years younger option? All the guys on this forum are way younger than me. ;) Kidding.

5 years isn't a big difference unless you are a teen.

[Mozzes]

Where is the 25 years younger option? All the guys on this forum are way younger than me. ;) Kidding.

5 years isn't a big difference unless you are a teen.

Pfft! You killed that fantasy when you revealed you're married. Oh well, at least you've still got that avatar... ;)

[ethsar46]

Im happy to date a woman more then 5 year older then me, Im 23 and if had at least 1 date with a 30 y/o woman.

Personally i prefer older women anyway.

[Lucid]

I think it depends a lot on who you are and what you're doing with your life. For example, I have a female friend who's 35, but who lives as if she's maybe 23. She tends to date men who are MUCH younger than she is, simply because they have more in common. Conversely, when I was in college, if I were to date someone who had a career already going and a house and children I doubt we'd find much to talk about. We'd just be at different stages in our lives.

Personally, I usually date men who are the same age as me, either a few months younger of a few months older. However, I don't do this on purpose and I don't think I'd have a problem dating someone several years older or younger provided we had things in common and he was at a similar place in his life as me.

[Josh]

I rarely date younger girls, it is extremely difficult to find one on the same intellectual level as me, or one who has the same interests. Moreover i'll often find myself manipulating them, not because i intend to but because it is just far too easy.

That being said i don't ever "date" in the traditional sense. These days i let the girl know up front that i don't intend on it being any more than companionship and sex. I had 3 progressively more intense relationships and after the last i decided the emotional ecstasy wasn't enough to offset the more painful times. It's been almost 2 years since i've had an actual girlfriend, giving others control of my emotions isn't something i'm keen on.

Once i did have a relationship with my neighbor's wife, 39 at the time while i was 20, much in the same position as grace, married to an older man. I deeply regret the action but not the emotional connection we had.

[Avid]

I rarely date younger girls, it is extremely difficult to find one on the same intellectual level as me, or one who has the same interests. Moreover i'll often find myself manipulating them, not because i intend to but because it is just far too easy.

That being said i don't ever "date" in the traditional sense. These days i let the girl know up front that i don't intend on it being any more than companionship and sex. I had 3 progressively more intense relationships and after the last i decided the emotional ecstasy wasn't enough to offset the more painful times. It's been almost 2 years since i've had an actual girlfriend, giving others control of my emotions isn't something i'm keen on.

Once i did have a relationship with my neighbor's wife, 39 at the time while i was 20, much in the same position as grace, married to an older man. I deeply regret the action but not the emotional connection we had.
Sounds like a general mental battle. The girl/woman who is too easy to mentally squash holds no value and you feel she is inadequate. With any partner my main intent is always finding someone more of an equal who is mentally engaging with unique insights into things. I have no interest in someone inferior (sounds conceited but it is a fact of life, brains are not created equal) who can't get their act together. I think really it boils down to being understood clearly and understanding them back so you are both mutually satisfied (kind of obvious but still).

[ScurvyRose]

I responded that I wouldn't date younger than myself. There is one major mitigating factor though....maturity. I generally do not have many common interests with those that are younger or even my age, and unfortunately I do with those that are about 10 years or more older. I would appreciate a compromise here!

[energy]

I tend to prefer men around my own age, but intellect, engagement with life, and 'being on a similar path' are much more important factors than age. I had a great relationship with a guy who's seven years younger - however he's an engineer with actual social skills so that may have been an anomaly!

[Saint]

I'm 20 and prefer girls aged 20-28.

I only fear that when I'm 50 I will still prefer girls aged 20-28. :P

[curiousjane]

I'm 20 and prefer girls aged 20-28.

I only fear that when I'm 50 I will still prefer girls aged 20-28. :P

Well, most men do. Just sayin'!


Anyways ... back to the question posed by the OP ... At 28, I put "1 year", but I'd be open to a relationship with a guy who was a few years younger than me if the emotional and mental connection was powerful enough. I have friends who have been in relationships (and even married) younger guys. It all worked out, in the end.

I guess you just have to get over the whole "wow, you were still in elementary school when I was in high school" thing. ;)

[Troux]

And how much younger do the guys go?

[Indubitably]

There is an informal rule that goes something like, "Divide your age in half and add 5, that is the youngest woman you should date, split the difference between your age and the youngest woman you should date and that is the ideal age you should date". I usually wouldn't let something as superficial as age be a major determining factor in choosing my mate (call me odd, but I actually like to make that decision based on what kind of a person they are), and provided they are 18 or older I will date a girl of any age, but this informal rule actually seems to work pretty well for me. I tend to have the most successful relationships with girls that are within a couple of years of that "ideal" age.

If we are seriously attracted to each other though, to hell with the rules, I will date a woman even if she is older than me.

[ElstonGunn]

If we are seriously attracted to each other though, to hell with the rules, I will date a woman even if she is older than me.

"Even"? Implying that your ideal woman is younger than you, but if a great older woman showed up it would be a trade-off that you'd be willing to make? Or am I just being syntactically pedantic or something like that?

[Indubitably]

"Even"? Implying that your ideal woman is younger than you, but if a great older woman showed up it would be a trade-off that you'd be willing to make? Or am I just being syntactically pedantic or something like that?

No, your assumption is correct. At the very least it is correct in so far as my statement about having the most successful relationships with women who are are close to the "ideal" age, dictated by "the rule", holds true.

I don't usually feel as comfortable with older women as I do with younger women, but I wouldn't let precedent get in the way of pursuing a woman with whom I felt there was a strong and meaningful mutual attraction.

[ElstonGunn]

I was just checking. I'm pretty much the same way. If I did a Pygmalion kinda thing, the woman I'd sculpt would be younger than me. But I know how that story ends, so I'm not absolutely opposed to someone older than me.

[wotsamattaU]

If you are female, would you mind going after or dating a guy younger than you are? If you mind, please kindly comment on why would it would be so. If you don't mind, then what's the maximum differential in age would you allow and why?

I would date someone younger than me as long as they have their act together and are mature. 10 years younger wouldn't bother me. 20 years older wouldn't bother me either, same criteria. (age is not necessarily indicative of maturity)

I've had offers from those 20 years younger and 20 years older. Makes me smile when I read on boards how women 40 and over could not possibly be found attractive to someone much younger. In the case of the 20 year younger, I would never consider him for a variety of reasons. My first thought was he wouldn't know what to do with me if he had me. :cool: I am not in the dating arena , but if I were he would have been dismissed due to personal criteria. (most of it personality-wise)

[enWTFp]

t+x+r : x∈[-10,20] , t - my age , r - strd. err. ±∞

[Tallulah]

I can't say age has ever been a factor in my relationships. I have dated men 5 years younger and 15 years older. I have never found age to be a factor really...

[schwartzie]

Mmmm. I love this stuff. Evolutionary psychology. (EP)

It's pretty much accepted EP theory that in virtually all animal species (incl. humans) in which the females gestate young inside their bodies, (and so at most, can produce 20 or so young per life) males (who can make their contribution to the gene pool every 15 minutes or so) prefer females with maximum reproductive potential and females prefer males who are likely to command the most resources for preserving the well-being of her body, fetus, and infants. The result is that teenaged boys and old men alike are drawn to 18 year old females (who have the greatest reproductive potential). For women of all ages, the males' age is less important; women are generally most drawn to men somewhat older than her, and able to command resources to enhance well-being.

'S life. The members of the species who didn't think this way pretty much all got killed off, leaving the present genetic pool.

It's also, I think, pretty conventional IP thinking that in modern times (the last, say, 10,000 years) no significant evolutionary changes have occurred to humans, and none will occur in the future, because evolutionary change requires massive die-offs of reproductive losers, such that the gene pool changes. (e.g. events causing extensive starvation and destruction of some, but not all members of a discrete population.) That isn't likely to occur in the future in a way that substantially modifies the gene pool. We're in the human evolutionary end-time. We are the penultimate in human engineering. scary some, 'eh?

Interestingly, self-consciousness, social awareness, and culture are also human attributes sufficiently advantageous to be developed via evolution, and passed along to the present population. (probably mostly the work of the females who best get their young to reproductive age...)

The interesting questions, I think, involve the interplay of these sorts of attributes (which we can, to some degree "rationally" control and modify) with the physiological ones that we can't modify so easily. e.g. monogamy vs polygamy. Polygamy exists in societies in which the disparity between wealthy and poor men is extreme. (Sharing one rich male is better than having your own desperately poor one to die with; conversely, where resources are distributed in a more egalitarian manner, societies are generally monogamous, or at least serially monogamous, and women don't have to share.)

and, yeah... personal preference? I'm hatching no more ducklings, so, all else being equal... a 20 or so year spread either way from my age seems reasonable, so's we aren't cultural aliens.

[Mozzes]

Mmmm. I love this stuff. Evolutionary psychology. (EP)

It's pretty much accepted EP theory that in virtually all animal species (incl. humans) in which the females gestate young inside their bodies, (and so at most, can produce 20 or so young per life) males (who can make their contribution to the gene pool every 15 minutes or so) prefer females with maximum reproductive potential and females prefer males who are likely to command the most resources for preserving the well-being of her body, fetus, and infants. The result is that teenaged boys and old men alike are drawn to 18 year old females (who have the greatest reproductive potential). For women of all ages, the males' age is less important; women are generally most drawn to men somewhat older than her, and able to command resources to enhance well-being.

'S life. The members of the species who didn't think this way pretty much all got killed off, leaving the present genetic pool.

It's also, I think, pretty conventional IP thinking that in modern times (the last, say, 10,000 years) no significant evolutionary changes have occurred to humans, and none will occur in the future, because evolutionary change requires massive die-offs of reproductive losers, such that the gene pool changes. (e.g. events causing extensive starvation and destruction of some, but not all members of a discrete population.) That isn't likely to occur in the future in a way that substantially modifies the gene pool. We're in the human evolutionary end-time. We are the penultimate in human engineering. scary some, 'eh?

Interestingly, self-consciousness, social awareness, and culture are also human attributes sufficiently advantageous to be developed via evolution, and passed along to the present population. (probably mostly the work of the females who best get their young to reproductive age...)

The interesting questions, I think, involve the interplay of these sorts of attributes (which we can, to some degree "rationally" control and modify) with the physiological ones that we can't modify so easily. e.g. monogamy vs polygamy. Polygamy exists in societies in which the disparity between wealthy and poor men is extreme. (Sharing one rich male is better than having your own desperately poor one to die with; conversely, where resources are distributed in a more egalitarian manner, societies are generally monogamous, or at least serially monogamous, and women don't have to share.)

and, yeah... personal preference? I'm hatching no more ducklings, so, all else being equal... a 20 or so year spread either way from my age seems reasonable, so's we aren't cultural aliens.

You might be onto something with the evolutionary angle but for the wrong reasons. It seems to be the case that female fertility peaks around the mid 20s, not in the teens. For most of human history, however, the average lifespan was 20-30 years. So I don't think it was so much a matter of choosing a mate at peak fertility (defining peak fertility as the point at which a female would be most likely to achieve pregnancy and carrying a pregnancy to term) as it would be choosing a mate that was likely to live long enough to produce a maximum number of progeny.

[invicta]

My boyfriend is 9 years younger, and my 2nd husband was 6 years younger than myself. My first husband was 2 years older, and that was the least satisfying relationship out of the three.

I am 35. I find that there is a significant generational difference between men 10 years older than me and 10 years younger than me. I am not an 'old school' kind of woman, and there are fewer expectations of this among the younger men.

Having said all this about age generalizations, the most important thing for me right now in a man is emotional maturity. There isn't a specific age for that, but it makes for a rewarding companionship in a man of any age.

[schwartzie]

So...it was ... a matter of choosing a mate ... that was likely to live long enough ... to produce a maximum number of progeny.

Yep, that's the theory. Interestingly, it implies that the more successful human male reproductive strategy considers females' reproductive longevity, not just present fertility. That doesn't prove, but suggests, that, on average, men's most successful reproductive strategy is to mate for life.

(An interesting side note is that it's also main stream theory that humans are biologically polygamous; this conclusion is based on an "easily measured" male physiological attribute that holds true across species. Because it involves matters outside the scope of this "family-friendly" thread, you'll have to google it. :P)

[Antares]

I can't say age has ever been a factor in my relationships. I have dated men 5 years younger and 15 years older. I have never found age to be a factor really...

I can't imagine it would matter to me either. I've been attracted to men in their late-thirties, and as young as boys a year younger. Can't say much about five years younger though. I'd be accused of being a pedophile.

[Cake]

I'd like dating an older woman, more experience to learn from.