Reading people

[qwerty]

Hey guys I'm looking for some of the ways you lead and read people. This goes double for anyone who thinks they are a good personality picker.

E..g. When I'm figuring a person out I'll hit them from multiple angles on the same question to see if I can get a bite.
Let _______ be the thing I want to find out about.
"Tell me about _______" <-- straight forward ask them
"[insert random topic] is all about ________" <-- make them disagree with you and prove you wrong
"What does ______ offer that [related field] does?"

Other things I do include body language readings and emotional taps i.e. Find something that you want to know about them and give them a what-if story, judge by body language and verbal response an extreme example for guys is telling them a story about being hit in the balls (most guys should flinch at the thought).

From this I can conclude many things about a person - are they genuine, are they smart, where do their interests lie, how well they adjust to various scenario's etc.

So now I'm doing more looking into the myer briggs thing and I'm looking for the best ways you guys tell personality types as this would be a huge boost to my filtration system. I'm part way through reading the art of speed reading people and have picked up on questions like "describe the room" to identify sensing and intuitive people.

Anyone have any common things that they notice others do? Even better how would you describe your own tell tale traits INTJ things you do that give you away.

[logan235711]

I suppose i sort of just sit back and let them reveal themselves at their own pace for most people. It really depends on what interest I have with them. Like if I might be interested in friendship, or maybe if I want to see if I can trust them to do a certain task, or etc. etc. But for the most part the different ways that people act don't really mess up my plans cause I guess I'm pretty good at rolling with punches so I don't need to plan ahead with those sorts of things too often. I suppose now it would be kind-of funny to sit back and watch an INTJ do what qwerty said, a quaint smile might spread across my face : )

[Tiamat]

I believe I learn the most about a people based on what they repeat verbally.

It's a simple way for me to tell what they find especially important in their lives without tipping them off to the fact that I'm probing their minds for data.

[Reanne]

Most people are prepared being read; the way we dress, our preferences even impressions that we want others to think--- really tells a lot. I like reading people, I think it necessary especially if one doesn't mingle much (quite ironic that you really do have to mingle in order to do this! :-p) Non-verbal cues tend to be more reliable though..especially when you want to extract out the truth ;)

[Tea]

I find that many people expose themselves with the words they utter.
Observing them physically is just as crucial.
Then I store it in my mind as a record.
Most of the time I end up forgetting what is was, but definitely know that the person is sweet;kind,evil;selfish etc.

[Onotheo]

I often try to judge somebody's intelligence by the way they speak; their style, their use of words, their body language etc. This is probably not the right thing to do as I could be misled by my own methodology. When I see politicians on TV, I would say to myself "Oh, no he/she couldn't be that dumb"! as people in leadership positions must be intelligent. Or perhaps, they have to talk that way because it's what resonates well with the people. I know, I'm not that eloquent myself but perhaps, I am right after all.

[Kisai]

If I really want to know someone, I ask them what sort of people they hate. What they tell you is their shadow-self, the part of themselves that they deny.

[True Rune]

I don't try too often because I tend to over-generalize one thing and think the rest will just fall in place and that leaves me surprised. It's funny when people try to read me though. It's not that easy..

[nat]

I guess for INTJs reading people is pretty much something they will always do if they interact with people, considering their mind which just won't stop working.
Personally, I read people from the way they act and talk. Small gestures, reaction and mimics to different things, and if it's really needed to go deeper : their background. Looks sometime helps, but I don't rely much on it.
I enjoy reading people, judging whether they're 'good enough' or not, but it's never wise to let my judging clouds myself before I actually have the time to interact with that person.
But I hate being read myself...

As for the best way to read people... practice?

[bmartinl]

I don't know about you guys but I am terrible at reading people....or at least I think I am. I can NEVER tell when someone is "fronting."

[True Rune]

"fronting" as in trying to look cool for other people? Or what?

[Reganon]

I love reading people. It takes some experience, but the important thing is to know what to look for. Once you know something is there, whether it's a secret, a personality trait, a gift, whatever it's not too hard to find out specifically. The problem is that the most secretive things are so well hidden that you wouldn't normally know to ask. That's where intuition and gut feeling scome in. You can just *feel they're hiding something, and then it's just a matter of investigation.

[MrJibbles]

One of my favorites is cube in the dessert.
I use this if I want to know a lot about the person.
I get the conversation going for a bit, then when it starts dying down and getting bored and people want something interesting otherwise they'll leave I throw it out there.

But I lie. I tell them it's just a fun little game to try out, and then I'll tell them random things about themselves. Cube in the dessert is not to be taken seriously at all. I say these things because it puts them in a more lighthearted emotional mood and they don't say things to direct an answer or make me think something about them that isn't true.

Then I go through the questions. By the end I know a lot about the person.

Decribe a dessert [sandy place, not icecream].
There's a cube in it. How big is it? What color is it? Where's it at?
There's a body of water, describe it.
There's a horse, describe and what it's doing.
There are flowers, how many are there and what kinds, describe them. Where are they?
There's a ladder, describe it.
and last is a storm. How big is it, how bad is it, and where is it. Describe it.

When people do this, they tell me more about themselves than they reallize. But I don't always let them know what I now know, I'll throw out something for them to feed on, so they think I've given them what I have. Then I keep info that would be useful for me to know and them not know I know.

[notthedroid]

Curious. Do the different objects/items represent specific things about the person, like subconscious symbols, or do you just interpret it randomly?

That game would make me suspicious.

[zippikay]

can we really read people? is that plausible? how do you know that it is their true color? some people can constantly wear mask and would perfectly know which mask to wear in what occasion....
moreover, assuming that there is the knowledge to read people, won't that knowledge can be used by people who want to mislead other people's perception by doing exactly what the knowledge would say?

[MrJibbles]

Curious. Do the different objects/items represent specific things about the person, like subconscious symbols, or do you just interpret it randomly?

That game would make me suspicious.

Fill it out and I'll tell you about yourself. Go ahead, don't be shy.





MrJibbles added to this post, 2 minutes and 52 seconds later...

can we really read people? is that plausible? how do you know that it is their true color? some people can constantly wear mask and would perfectly know which mask to wear in what occasion....
moreover, assuming that there is the knowledge to read people, won't that knowledge can be used by people who want to mislead other people's perception by doing exactly what the knowledge would say?

Thus brings about the concept of burning books.
If I read a book with useful ass info that sets me at an advantage and then I burn it later the result is: Me 1 You 0.

With knowledge, it's value [other than applicable use] is a direct result of how many people actually know this. If I'm the only one than it's very useful for me to have it.

i.e. I played a game of streetfighter with my cousin. He didn't know how to throw fireballs, or do any special moves, but I did. I didn't let him know such moves existed till I needed them to gain the upper hand.

[sundance]

you see people true color by time and observence. and sometimes it's not always easy to see it. human are so complex.

even you can describe yourself good enough. there are always something you can discover about you.

[penny lane]

Mr. Jibbles, I’m curious. Will you read me?

Desert-(I don't know what you mean by sandy but)......Homemade chocolate chip cookie
I don't want a cube in my desert...but if I had to it would be a little larger than a quarter...green...on top of the cookie....the icing
Body of water....the middle of the ocean, the waves are mild
The horse is in an open field eating grass, with his mate and a few other horses
There are fields of wildflowers of red, orange, yellow, and purple, it is spring time
The latter is an antique it is sitting in my library room against one of my book shelves; an antique lantern is sitting atop it.
The storm is a tornado, in Kansas, which took me away to the land of Oz

[notthedroid]

Fill it out and I'll tell you about yourself. Go ahead, don't be shy.

Hmm.

Decribe a dessert [sandy place, not icecream].

My desert is like the many colored desert in the Neverending Story, with dunes of different colors that shift and bleed into one another. Indigo blue and burnt sienna, mustard and faded lavendar. It is rimmed by dark, crumbling mountains on one side and a calm sea on the other.

There's a cube in it. How big is it? What color is it? Where's it at?

The cube is about the same size as a volleyball, made of a dense solid metal. It is polished to a mirrored surface like hematite. It sits in a valley in the middle of the dunes, and it is sometimes covered by the sand, and sometimes exposed, as time passes.

There's a body of water, describe it.

The sea is cobalt blue at the horizon, fading to aquamarine in the shallows. The waves roll onto shore steadily, turning the multicolored sand into brilliant colors when wet. The water is colder than it looks. No boats sail it.

There's a horse, describe and what it's doing.

A white horse escaped the nomads trying to trap it and is running free in the dunes. But it doesn't belong in the desert - it doesn't know how to survive, so it will probably die of thirst or starvation before long.

There are flowers, how many are there and what kinds, describe them. Where are they?

When the rains come the seeds hidden in the sand come to life, growing rapidly and blooming in a matter of days, before withering and dying. Over time only one kind of plant has learned to adapt successfully, because the many colored sands are poisonous to most life. All its flowers are black.

There's a ladder, describe it.

There is a tower of dark stone near the mountains and a ladder leads up to an opening at the top. It is old and weathered, and several of the rungs are broken. It seems to be abandoned.

and last is a storm. How big is it, how bad is it, and where is it. Describe it.

The storm is coming over the ocean, turning the water a dark slate grey and driving the waves up on the beach. There is wind and some lightning, and the air smells like rain. When it passes there will be all kinds of fantastic shells and wreckage strewn on the beach, and the black flowers will bloom.

Do I get a cookie?

[MrJibbles]

Mr. Jibbles, I’m curious. Will you read me?

Desert-(I don't know what you mean by sandy but)......Homemade chocolate chip cookie
I don't want a cube in my desert...but if I had to it would be a little larger than a quarter...green...on top of the cookie....the icing
Body of water....the middle of the ocean, the waves are mild
The horse is in an open field eating grass, with his mate and a few other horses
There are fields of wildflowers of red, orange, yellow, and purple, it is spring time
The latter is an antique it is sitting in my library room against one of my book shelves; an antique lantern is sitting atop it.
The storm is a tornado, in Kansas, which took me away to the land of Oz

You're an ass.
You're purposely trying to distort the answers...ha ha ha. eh, oh well. Maybe another day.

Hmm.

Decribe a dessert [sandy place, not icecream].

My desert is like the many colored desert in the Neverending Story, with dunes of different colors that shift and bleed into one another. Indigo blue and burnt sienna, mustard and faded lavendar. It is rimmed by dark, crumbling mountains on one side and a calm sea on the other.

There's a cube in it. How big is it? What color is it? Where's it at?

The cube is about the same size as a volleyball, made of a dense solid metal. It is polished to a mirrored surface like hematite. It sits in a valley in the middle of the dunes, and it is sometimes covered by the sand, and sometimes exposed, as time passes.

There's a body of water, describe it.

The sea is cobalt blue at the horizon, fading to aquamarine in the shallows. The waves roll onto shore steadily, turning the multicolored sand into brilliant colors when wet. The water is colder than it looks. No boats sail it.

There's a horse, describe and what it's doing.

A white horse escaped the nomads trying to trap it and is running free in the dunes. But it doesn't belong in the desert - it doesn't know how to survive, so it will probably die of thirst or starvation before long.

There are flowers, how many are there and what kinds, describe them. Where are they?

When the rains come the seeds hidden in the sand come to life, growing rapidly and blooming in a matter of days, before withering and dying. Over time only one kind of plant has learned to adapt successfully, because the many colored sands are poisonous to most life. All its flowers are black.

There's a ladder, describe it.

There is a tower of dark stone near the mountains and a ladder leads up to an opening at the top. It is old and weathered, and several of the rungs are broken. It seems to be abandoned.

and last is a storm. How big is it, how bad is it, and where is it. Describe it.

The storm is coming over the ocean, turning the water a dark slate grey and driving the waves up on the beach. There is wind and some lightning, and the air smells like rain. When it passes there will be all kinds of fantastic shells and wreckage strewn on the beach, and the black flowers will bloom.

Do I get a cookie?

The world around you is a very strange place from your perspective. You don't want people to know what you're thinking most of the time. You tend to be reflective about what's been said. You haven't been laid in a while, but you have deep sexual desire. You've recently "escaped" someplace with a lot of rule you think are bullshit. You're on your own but you don't know exactly how to survive in this world all alone.

I have one minute left so I'll finish this later.

[Airius]

One of my favorites is cube in the dessert.
Decribe a dessert [sandy place, not icecream].
There's a cube in it. How big is it? What color is it? Where's it at?
There's a body of water, describe it.
There's a horse, describe and what it's doing.
There are flowers, how many are there and what kinds, describe them. Where are they?
There's a ladder, describe it.
and last is a storm. How big is it, how bad is it, and where is it. Describe it.

When people do this, they tell me more about themselves than they reallize. But I don't always let them know what I now know, I'll throw out something for them to feed on, so they think I've given them what I have. Then I keep info that would be useful for me to know and them not know I know.

The desert represents your view of the world.
The cube represents you.
The water represents your sexual desire.
The horse represents a lover or love interest, or what you seek in a mate.
The flowers represent children.
The ladder represents friends and acquaintances.
The storm represents trouble of some kind.



That one, right? It's bullshit.

[primarysuspect]

I concur that it is total bullshit. I have to admit that I don't know much about it, but I do know that those things seem too arbitrary to correlate to one another.

So many things would effect your answers. How creative and articulate you are, for one, your favorite colors, if you have a favorite type of horse, all of those things would then define the answers.

Magically the sea being "cobalt fucking blue" means that notthedroid hasn't been laid? Or is it the aquamarine in the shallows? Or is it that the water is colder than it looks..or, could it be the waves...maybe the sexual desire correlates to the fact that notthedroid said WET..you know..too describe..WATER....

I don't dismiss the exercise alone could tell you about the person, namely the things i mentioned above. It could tell you if they are creative, it could tell you if they are articulate, if they are wordy, maybe deep. OR...it could tell you how un-interested they are in answering your questions and playing your game..which would then tell you something in itself.

More on topic:

I believe I am pretty good at reading people, but that's because i rely on my gut instinct as its proven to be accurate.

I have been wrong about people, but at that point it doesn't much matter, I have already made up my mind :)

In all fairness, not to be a jerk, the Cube in the Desert thing seems like a fun thing, but hardly a way to read people. :)

What have your results been like MrJibbles? Have the correlations really been that spot on? I am willing to be wrong here, I just don't see it. :)

[notthedroid]

The world around you is a very strange place from your perspective.

True. :-(

You don't want people to know what you're thinking most of the time.

True.

You tend to be reflective about what's been said.

I would like to think so.

You haven't been laid in a while, but you have deep sexual desire.

"In a while" is vague. I recently ended a relationship that was very sexual, but I approached it in a clinical way and it was not what I wanted. I would not say an excessive amount of time has passed since then. I am definitely not clawing the walls, as it were. "Deep sexual desire" ... for/with the right person, maybe. Not interested in sex as a hobby to pass the time.

You've recently "escaped" someplace with a lot of rule you think are bullshit.

Eh. Open to interpretation. I ended two relationships but there were not so many rules there, because I was the one setting the rules. So I didn't "escape".

You're on your own but you don't know exactly how to survive in this world all alone.

Yes and no. I am quite confident I can survive by myself. But maybe I want to do more than simply survive.

Will wait for the rest before I make any judgments.

[cullenisacreep]

Here is my Human Worthiness Test:

1) Do they wear Hollister or Abercrombie?
2) Do they believe in Creationism and deny Evolution?
3) Do they flirt with anyone the can get their hands on?
4) Do they combine insulting words to make new insulting words? Example, "bitchass."
5) Do they say "You're a hater"?

If the answer is Yes to any of these, I don't wish to associate with the person.

[Airius]

Here is my Human Worthiness Test:

1) Do they wear Hollister or Abercrombie?
2) Do they believe in Creationism and deny Evolution?
3) Do they flirt with anyone the can get their hands on?
4) Do they combine insulting words to make new insulting words? Example, "bitchass."
5) Do they say "You're a hater"?

If the answer is Yes to any of these, I don't wish to associate with the person.

Oh, come on. That's bigotry.

You can't judge someone by the brand of clothing they wear. Not every worth-while person is going to share your sense of style.

[Nikita]

There was an email that went out a while back about how you can tell a lot about a person based on how they handle a rainy day, lost luggage, and traffic. I've found that to be pretty accurate. I tend to judge people based on how they drive and how they treat waitstaff in restaurants, hotels, on airplanes, etc. (two real sore spots for me). I also judge people on the basis of their religious beliefs. I don't necessarily think less of someone for being religious; my opinion is based on how they arrived at those beliefs. If it's how they were raised and they never questioned it, then I can't respect them. But mostly, I don't try to do anything in learning about people because a lot of people can sense manipulation. I just do what comes naturally, I observe them but don't overthink what I'm going to say. Actually that's not entirely true, I do like to see how they respond to verbal shock treatment and to the side of life not viewable through rose-colored glasses.

[Andrew Popovici]

I never really gave thought to how I do it, but I love analyzing people. I think the eyes, which are the windows tot he soul can reveal a lot, but people's behavior patterns reveal a lot too.

[Krazy P]

It is very easy to read people if you have any experience at it.

You need to be in the room to read their "body language", especially facial expressions.

Content analysis (what a person chooses to say) is also important.

I am an old fart, so my experience allows me to read people very, very quickly.

A colleague of mine was responsible for hiring 14,000 people for Xerox back in the day. He got very, very good at reading people.

If I met any of you, I could read you in less than 3 minutes.

[Dave C C]

Cold reading, neuro linguistics, obtuse questions.

[cullenisacreep]

Oh, come on. That's bigotry.

You can't judge someone by the brand of clothing they wear. Not every worth-while person is going to share your sense of style.

Maybe, but these brands symbolize conformity. Conformity is one thing that gets to me.

[Van Diesel]

Let 'em talk. If they're overly about one thing, they're probably the opposite.

[Nikita]

Maybe, but these brands symbolize conformity. Conformity is one thing that gets to me.

They either conform to popular culture or they conform to the counter-culture. Either way, no matter what you do, you're conforming to something.

[MrJibbles]

True. :-(



True.



I would like to think so.



"In a while" is vague. I recently ended a relationship that was very sexual, but I approached it in a clinical way and it was not what I wanted. I would not say an excessive amount of time has passed since then. I am definitely not clawing the walls, as it were. "Deep sexual desire" ... for/with the right person, maybe. Not interested in sex as a hobby to pass the time.



Eh. Open to interpretation. I ended two relationships but there were not so many rules there, because I was the one setting the rules. So I didn't "escape".



Yes and no. I am quite confident I can survive by myself. But maybe I want to do more than simply survive.

Will wait for the rest before I make any judgments.

think of it like this.
Dessert is the world around you
Cube's size is your ego and self esteem
In the air usually means you're lost in thought, On the ground you're grounded with the world around you [S or N....hmm...]. Color is how you think you're seen.
Horse is you.
Water is your sexuality.
Flowers are children [in an ideal sense. It could be toy models or actual kids]
Ladder is how you make friends.
Storm is trouble in your life.

considering all of that, think about what you're descriptions mean to you. It's harder for me to do it, because I have to interpret what I THINK they mean to you [which is easier if you're sitting right in front of me, than I have more to go off, like body reactions and facial expressions as you say things]. But if you go off what all those things me and write out what it means based on what these things mean to you it should be really insanely accurate.

I use it on esfp's a lot. Because even though they're very frequent I've noticed that half annoy me and the other half are pretty awesome.