INTJ and ExFx Women

[Mauve]

I've never had an ExFx female friend before, though the great majority of women I've met are ExFx types. I think this is because I may across as distant or cold, not by choice. I generally follow societal standards of polite behavior and good hygiene habits, smile when necessary, etc. etc. However, I seem to put ExFx types ill at ease.

I've noticed that ExFx types are rarely perturbed by similar behavior in male INTJs or INTPs. In fact, most seem to be drawn to introverted, thinking men.

Is there a double standard here? I've often felt that women are expected to be more social and feeling than men.

[John F Kennedy]

You may be right. Women can be patriarchal as well. Perhaps many see female friends as persons to "chat" with and do fun things, and male friends as offering more serious prospects for conversation.

[mieu]

I think you've hit on it--a deviation from the norm--but also that predominantly feeling types rely heavily on the outward expression of other people to know where they stand, socially. Couple their focus on social connections and interactions with a lack of expression in the other party and it doesn't give them much to work with in operating how they normally do, socially.

[StellaMarina]

I definitely think that there is a double standard involved.
My American host parents are both INTJs. When they came to visit me in Germany my ESFP mother liked my host father very much but called my host mother "cold and seemingly uncaring" (which is not true, she is simply not inclined to show emotion).
I actually confronted my mother and told her that she was not being fair but she simply denied it without giving it any more thought...