View Full Version : Why I prefer to be "closed off"
04-24-2012, 10:09 AM
For a year, I was her unwilling priest. I heard what amounted to confession every week, every day sometimes. I heard things I didn't want to hear. She wants absolution. She wants to be able to act without thought and then have someone take her sins. To her, I am an open pit in which emotional garbage magically disappears. Priests can turn to their faith for strength; I have no faith. I internalized all of it. For 12 months I was...I feel like a yard. I feel like a yard which a dog has used to bury hundreds of small bones. I am riddled with bones I don't want.
04-24-2012, 02:08 PM
That's a good reason to get out of a relationship, not shut down.
04-24-2012, 02:24 PM
I'm sorry you dated a crazy person. Most people aren't like that.
04-24-2012, 03:01 PM
It's your own visualisation thats the problem. Forget about what she's telling you and listen to what shes telling you - how she FEELS.
04-24-2012, 03:16 PM
Wow just tell that person to efff off and continue on with your life. No need to make yourself miserable for an a-hole.
04-25-2012, 04:28 AM
Sounds like you simply were the shoulder to cry on for a fairly broken individual.
1. There's no point in letting that take you down and cause you to become closed off, the choice to become closed shouldn't be made out of one experience.
2. Being able to shoulder the burdens of others takes a certain amount of emotional stamina, which I think in your case, has simply been depleted. Acknowledge this and you'll be able to more efficiently manage your own emotional processing.
3. Do not be dumped on, a shoulder to cry on is one thing but counselors is an industry and paid for service, for a reason. Be nice, but not a doormat.
Hopefully that helps.
04-25-2012, 05:45 AM
Get out of the relationship and keep reminding yourself most people aren't like that. Constantly remind yourself so paranoia doesn't set in in future realtionships
John F Kennedy
04-25-2012, 02:09 PM
Please consider the value of positive aggression in personal and societal life, which means that you can set boundaries as you please, tell someone to stop their actions/speech, cut off contact, be firm, or even tell someone in no uncertain terms you want peace from their abuse. If you don't, more and more bullshit will come your way in your life. Your life is your space.
04-25-2012, 02:51 PM
Do you still love her though?
If you are truly unhappy then I suggest you break up. But if you still care for her and want to be with her you might simply find a way to relieve yourself of all that extra baggage so you can maintain emotional support for her. If you love her and you simply havenít figured out how to deal with her emotional output then perhaps you should be willing to make the sacrifice to learn how to cope.
Perhaps an annual vacation of some sort where you can go and release those internalized emotions that have been dumped on you, since you are apparently better at dealing with them then she is.Take a trip to the beach or something. Meditate and reflect on all the stuff that has been imposed on you, then let it go so you can remain her rock.
I donít know what it is you get out of this relationship but in my experience the best ones are when the couple hold each otherís missing pieces.
Why the posters on this site are always so adamant to dismiss a person for having strong emotions is beyond me, you donít need to have a trait to appreciate it.
Besides from my observations INTJ in their ability to rationalize everything they often find that they lack the vibrancy in life that emotion brings. You might feel tired out by her overabundance in emotion now. But should you chose to eliminate her from your life you may find your world has suddenly become very grey.
Balance is the key here. Tell her how you feel for a change and maybe if she is unwilling to alter her way of doing things for herself she will be willing to do it for you.
04-25-2012, 04:04 PM
I think there's misunderstanding here. OP is married, with a husband I think I remember reading an old thread. Don't think she's talking about a relationship?
OP, could you clarify for us what the situation is?
04-26-2012, 08:35 AM
I do find it interesting that everyones immediate thought is towards a close relationship.
I read this, and thought this could have applied to anyone the person knew, and had contact with regularly. I feel like this with all of my friends. Why do i become the priest? because i listen, i seldom speak, and when i do, it means something. For everyone else, silence is an invitation to talk, not think, not reflect.
04-26-2012, 10:50 AM
Ok, if its not a romantic relationship say you need some space and back off a little. It will be the best for the both of you. You may need to tell them how your feeling
04-26-2012, 12:06 PM
My mistake, I assumed this was a romantic relationship.
Yeah if this is just a friend of yours who likes to dump their baggage on you then tell them to get a grip and leave you out of it.
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