Any female INTJs ever in relationship with ENFJ males?

[Parallel]

Have any female INTJs here ever been in a relationship an ENFJ male? How did it go/ how did you make it work? How did it compare with being in a relationship with another type?

[Jenny Penny]

I was briefly, but he told me once that I was quiet and cold. He actually told me he liked the outgoing, cheerleader type... I was attracted to his social confidence and friendliness, but needless to say it didn't last long with his "disapproval" of my personality.

[Parallel]

I was briefly, but he told me once that I was quiet and cold. He actually told me he liked the outgoing, cheerleader type... I was attracted to his social confidence and friendliness, but needless to say it didn't last long with his "disapproval" of my personality.

I have the exact opposite situation. My ENFJ calls me cold but in a way I can tell he finds fascinating. And he was instantly attracted to my aloof, cold demeanor while I really did not like him at first as I found his confidence and friendliness overpoweringly annoying.

However, we've gotten to know each other a lot better and both really like each other even though I've done some bad shit to him in the not too distant past (cheating) and I was wondering if any INTJs have been in any lasting relationships with an ENFJ?

[Colette]

I was briefly, but he told me once that I was quiet and cold. He actually told me he liked the outgoing, cheerleader type... I was attracted to his social confidence and friendliness, but needless to say it didn't last long with his "disapproval" of my personality.

Oh dear. I'm looking for an ENFJ/INFJ (probably the latter, or a very mild E). "Quiet and cold" are words I can imagine being used to describe me too.

[methionine]

Hm, I can be quiet and cold when I'm around people that annoy me... (or sometimes I'm just tired or am busy thinking, etc.) ... but I find that usually when I'm around other INTJs or INTPs, I have a lot to say. Usually I bring up stuff about current events, science, stuff I'm reading, etc.
I think the ENFJ is/could be pretty appealing to INTJ females initially though-- most important for me is the N function. And the E makes the person seem more energetic, which can be attractive at times, though ultimately I like introverts because extraverts tire me out. For some reason I feel like the extraverts don't understand as well when I need to just be quiet and alone....

Maybe you shouldn't take what I say too seriously though. I haven't liked many people (the only ones I've 'liked' were probably ENTP and ENTJ), and I'm only in my first relationship (with a fellow introverted intuitive... we get along really well).

[INTJoe]

ENFJ males are annoying. I'm a guy, but I couldn't really see an INTJ female being attracted to them. They are idealists with a PLAN! Gasp. I have a feeling a couple of the "higher ups" at my firm are ENFJ males. These guys are always trying to make everything "better", but are pretty clueless as to the overall sentiment of the firm. They always want to implement stuff that I know would have a net-negative result. But they are friendly and convincing so they keep the wheels spinning.

I don't know... I just can't see a typical strong INTJ female being attracted to an unrational male with so many feminine qualities. Assuming the guy doesn't look like Brad Pitt or something.

[searcher]

Just to prove INTJoe wrong - I was in a relationship with an ENFJ for a while.
It was good. Things got a little messy (okay...understatement) when we broke up but that's sorted.
And we're back together.
We get along really well and I at least like to think that we understand each other.

And no. He doesn't look like Brad Pitt.

[INTJoe]

Just to prove you wrong, I'd say you aren't an INTJ female. I never commented on behalf of the INTX females. :p

[curiousjane]

ENFJ males are supposed to be exactly right for me.

So maybe I should ask all INTJ females to pass them along to me if they don't like them?

;)

[Saffy]

HA HA! Idealists with a PLAN! INTJoe, that is so true about my bf!

Maybe because it is just a beginning for two of us, but so far it is like a dream. But I admire is courage to push forward the craziest ideas he has. Luckily, he is smart and I do think that they make sense. I can talk with him science and serious issues and he satisfies me intellectually. I also try to learn from him whatever I am missing, like the ability to be at ease around people, to communicate, to push my ideas to the outside world instead of leaving them exclusively for myself. He is extrovert, I am introvert, but the difference is only in our social life. When we are just two of us - we are alike. I also sense his feminine qualities: sensing, feeling, caring. And these are exactly those qualities which I am looking for in a man.

I think we are a great match. And, I hope, will be.

[Solaris]

I'm an ENTJ, but had a short thing with an ENFJ male. He wanted to fix me, and I wasn't cool with that. When he couldn't handle stuff, he hid from it. I wasn't cool with that either. I've since lost touch with him, which is sad, we were good as friends.

[curiousgeorge01]

I have the exact opposite situation. My ENFJ calls me cold but in a way I can tell he finds fascinating. And he was instantly attracted to my aloof, cold demeanor while I really did not like him at first as I found his confidence and friendliness overpoweringly annoying.

However, we've gotten to know each other a lot better and both really like each other even though I've done some bad shit to him in the not too distant past (cheating) and I was wondering if any INTJs have been in any lasting relationships with an ENFJ?

Err may I ask what caused you to cheat? I'm just trying to get some perspective on the dynamics of the relationship.

As for your OP, I am an INTJ male who considered going out with an ENFJ female but I sort of see her as a "ditz". Yes she's intelligent and pretty, but I found her manipulative and had too much faith in people which really didn't mesh well with me because I tend to by cogent and cynical. That faith in people crap really annoyed the hell out of me...

[Chet]

As an INTJ male who dated an ENFJ female: I'd say it was a mixed bag. On the good - She was pleasing to the eye, had a warm, engaging personality and had dancing skills like Elaine from Seinfeld, which I found humorous -so did she. On the bad - She was a bit flaky at times and unreliable. Her people-pleasing mentality led me to distrust her, b/c she'd tell me things she thought I wanted to hear... she wouldn't lie to me, but she'd omit things or avoid topics if she thought it'd cause conflict. Example: I want to do/go [fill in the blank] (but she'd omit the "but I won't" part). This inevitablly would lead to conflict later down the road.

[curiousgeorge01]

As an INTJ male who dated an ENFJ female: I'd say it was a mixed bag. On the good - She was pleasing to the eye, had a warm, engaging personality and had dancing skills like Elaine from Seinfeld, which I found humorous -so did she. On the bad - She was a bit flaky at times and unreliable. Her people-pleasing mentality led me to distrust her, b/c she'd tell me things she thought I wanted to hear... she wouldn't lie to me, but she'd omit things or avoid topics if she thought it'd cause conflict. Example: I want to do/go [fill in the blank] (but she'd omit the "but I won't" part). This inevitablly would lead to conflict later down the road.

Yes that's similar to my experience. Telling me things I wanted to hear made me think she was manipulative. It was really irritating, just say what you mean! I also felt like she'd put priority of other people and her appearance over what I thought.

[Chet]

Yes that's similar to my experience. Telling me things I wanted to hear made me think she was manipulative. It was really irritating, just say what you mean! I also felt like she'd put priority of other people and her appearance over what I thought.

Right on Curiousgeorge... I require very little attention, but I could relate to the "priority of other people". I think it's in her nature to be friends with everyone she meets and wants to include everyone in the fun. And when they have problems, their problems become hers.

Exception on the appearance front - we differ. She wore very little make-up and always wanted my input on her appearance and she usually accepted it.

[OhSoLovely]

Im in a relationship with an ENFJ. I can be quite cold to people at first. He told me when he first tried getting to know me it was like breaking down a brick wall. I was indifferent and he had to work at keeping a conversation going. Eventually I began to find him interesting and almost admired his persistance even though I was so reserved/cold. I started opening up to him and now our relationship is so natural.

I feel like if I make the decision to let certain people into my life I can be the nicest and warmest person. I care so much for that person (the decision/feelings come more from my head than heart) If I dont care to start/continue a relationship with a person or dont find them interesting I will come across as cold.

One thing is my boyfriend thinks he can read anyone. I mean I think he is amazing at reading people but sometimes I feel almost exposed. My mind is private territory!!!

We INTJs live inside our heads and if you are not as interesting as my thoughts Im choosing them over you!

---------- Post added 08-29-2010 at 07:31 AM ----------

About putting other people as a priority over me- its so true!

He puts friends who he doesnt even like before me sometimes just to be liked!
We will have a nice evening alone planned and then he will invite all of his friends which makes me feel very uncomfortable because 1. I feel uncomfortable around people im not close with. Especially when you cant become close with them because its weird if you do with your boyfriends best friend. 2. Ill want to be alone with him

Another situation is we will have plans in the air. He will mention "oh we should hang out thursday night" then I hear all of his friends are coming over but "you can come over if youd like.." !

[NekoNeko]

I am dating an ENFJ for 2 months now , and let me say it is so much better than a relationship with an ESTP. He cares about me ,he makes me feel safe, he wants to understand me (which is cute) and he makes me communicate more (or he is just manipulating me ,I'm not sure...).

What bothers me is that when I want to watch a movie with him or go for a walk (just the two of us) , he would invite some friends. Sometimes I feel like he cares more about his friends.
Another wierd thing the that when he talkes to one of his friends , he seems like a different person , but when he turnes and talk to me he becomes the one I know. It is really wierd and interesting in the same time.
Sometimes , he make me a compliment , just to compliment him back. I guess he really likes attention.

[QTee]

He was crazy about me. But he was the kind of guy who depended too heavily on others and did not have proper education. He was ultra giving in sex and he was so sweet. I just couldn't see myself with an overly needy person.

[LittleBoyBlue]

A very bad match if you're a low-esteem INTJ. The ENFJ will not give the enough attention that you'd need in order to dedicate it to his friends, and if he's attractive, you'd become very very possessive.
One does simply not date an extroverted :P