What do you think an INFJ/INFJ relationship would be like?

[Eric86]

I was just wondering about this cause I don't think anyone's brought it up before. I know it would probably be a pretty rare thing to happen, though certainly not impossible.

[bricklayer]

Hmmm.... I think it would be a hard relationship to beat. INFJs are so caring. And I think they could really appreciate someone who shares their qualities, am I wrong?

[Eric86]

I know I certainly would.:)

[Shaz]

I would hate it personally

but this is a useless answer :laugh:

It wouldn't be easy for it to happen at first (shyness, self consciousness) but once it would I think it could work out. They would feel fully understood and that's such a hard thing to find for an infj. They would be able to discuss problems, though it would get really emotional if something went really wrong but I think in general they would be able to deal with it early enough. There woudln't be that much talk, would it? But a lot of near-telepathic communication. I think it would only really work if they have different enough interests and lives, things that help them keep their own personallity without melting into the other person (I don't know if I should use this verb here but I can't be asked checking for translation) by identifying to each other too much.

But to be honest I don't know...

[curiousjane]

I don't know. Relationships of the same type seem like they would be comfortable but intense and somewhat boring.

INFJ + INFJ is an interesting combo, though, because of the capacity for fierce loyalty and caring mixed with the ability to get things done and be analytical.

I've wondered the same thing about INFP + INFP, especially when both parties are mature and have some well-developed T or J. And if at least one has a well-developed E. In fact, I know an INFP guy who is absolutely incredible. He's one of the hardest workers I know, who has done very well for himself. His sense of humor is great. And he genuinely cares about the people around him, without coming across as soft or weak. I wondered once what it would be like to date him, but I realized that, while we could talk for hours, we'd be too similar for anything long-term. We'd make great friends though.

I think this would be the same thing for most same-type pairings. But that's not to say it's impossible or wrong. In fact, I my mom's brother and his wife are INTJ + INTJ, and they have a strong, very compatible marriage. I was just thinking I personally needed more variety in my life. A little wonder.

[green eyes]

Personally,
ICK :yuck:

I think it would be boring and emotionally stunting.

I don't want someone who cries as much as I do.

[curiousjane]

INFJs cry a lot?

I don't get that vibe from the ones I know in real life.

[green eyes]

Well, I probably don't give off that vibe, either...especially these days....

See "crying in front of other people" thread in General Psychology.

[karenk]

What I find attractive about this idea is the depth of the relationship coupled with a lot of space. (I wouldn't imagine much crying. What kind of relationship would involve so much?:huh:)

[green eyes]

Not crying specifically CAUSED by the relationship, but just crying/emotional intensity in general. Happy tears, sad tears, whatever....

I don't think I'd like that much.

[Eric86]

I'd actually consider that to be a really great thing. Being able to be totally open about everything and not being afraid of any emotions that would go along with that is very important to me. I think sharing all those times of tears and intense emotions would really help to create an even stronger bond and sense of understanding between the two people and make for a lot of wonderful memories.:) Not to mention that in any area where one person is lacking, the other could support it very easily (like with insecurities). Of course, you also have to take into account that INFJs are not going to have the exact same strength of preferences; I personally have a very strong T as well, and can be unusually extroverted and super talkative around certain people that I really click with well (like an INFJ girl I started talking to Thursday night; we talked for several hours about all sorts of things both funny/light-hearted and very personal and serious, and there was never a dull moment). It's like when I'm around them or talking to them, I totally light up with happiness and enthusiasm and curiosity, and it's so much easier to really be myself.
I think it would be boring and emotionally stunting.
I don't think it would be for me cause I can keep things pretty interesting without much trouble. That, and I'm just a really fun person to be around and talk to.:p

[Motor Jax]

only if the other INFJ drinks as much as i... i love beer and smokes

but i also need to be stimulated also... by a T type... someone that challenges my intellect

my ESTP g/f does that for me, and she also respects my quiet solo time also



oh, and she never says i drink too much (but tells me i smoke too much, yes)

[NephilimAzrael]

There is a solid character to the INFJ, the attitude they display in regard to peoples' intentions and attitudes is complimentary in many regards (when teamed with an INTJ).
My father is an INTJ and I find he has thought me many methods of compensating for my insensitivity when communicating with others. Though I will state that INFJs although determined with causes and emotions, can lack confidence in their own knowledge, particularly when they are right (by INTJ standards - notably thought rather than feeling).
Hope that makes some sense.

[Eric86]

but i also need to be stimulated also... by a T type... someone that challenges my intellect
They wouldn't necessarily have to be a T type in order to be intellectually challenging. I think even even an INFJ with a weak T preference would still be able to do so, but not quite in the same way (F types can be very smart and inquisitive/questioning too, you know:p).
Though I will state that INFJs although determined with causes and emotions, can lack confidence in their own knowledge, particularly when they are right (by INTJ standards - notably thought rather than feeling).
Yeah, I do tend to second-guess myself a lot, only to find out that I was right all along anyways. Sometimes I can be very hard on myself when that happens.

[green eyes]

Being able to be totally open about everything and not being afraid of any emotions that would go along with that is very important to me.

That has always been important to me, too. I personally think any relationship worth having (friends or romantically) is going to be very accepting of that, but I don't think that acceptance is limited to only ones with other INFJs.

I think sharing all those times of tears and intense emotions would really help to create an even stronger bond and sense of understanding between the two people and make for a lot of wonderful memories.

Sounds nice...I suppose it's possible.

I just know from experience that I get "turned on" by "manly" things...not tears.

...can be unusually extroverted and super talkative around certain people that I really click with well (like an INFJ girl I started talking to Thursday night; we talked for several hours about all sorts of things both funny/light-hearted and very personal and serious, and there was never a dull moment). It's like when I'm around them or talking to them, I totally light up with happiness and enthusiasm and curiosity, and it's so much easier to really be myself.

I know what you are speaking of. I get that way around certain individuals, all Ns....

[Eric86]

That has always been important to me, too. I personally think any relationship worth having (friends or romantically) is going to be very accepting of that, but I don't think that acceptance is limited to only ones with other INFJs.
I know, but I just think it would be especially more so with another INFJ.
Sounds nice...I suppose it's possible.

I just know from experience that I get "turned on" by "manly" things...not tears.
The two are not mutually exclusive, nor does crying about something mean that you aren't manly (which doesn't even really matter in the end anyways). In fact, I would say that in situations where someone does not cry in order to maintain a facade of strength and composure, it's nowhere near as manly as crying because you're hiding and not being up front with things and are worrying too much about what others think of you.

[Motor Jax]

They wouldn't necessarily have to be a T type in order to be intellectually challenging. I think even even an INFJ with a weak T preference would still be able to do so, but not quite in the same way (F types can be very smart and inquisitive/questioning too, you know:p)

i agree. i work in Computer Technology (and looking at Fiber/Cable Installation when i get out of the military), so i love the aspects of electrical science and engineering, and i find i need a great deal of stimulation for me to stay pumped... although being an F type, i can also have a very in-depth conversation about, let's say, someone's love life or their relationship with their kids and family...

but usually, when someone just shows me a picture of any electrical gear or equipment, or presents me with a technical readout of something, i give it my utmost concentration

i've even had people tell me that they when i'm thinking about something cause it shows in my eyes, and they can see that i am actively thinking about a problem or anything

geesh, they can even tell when i am no longer paying attention to them

but i hear that an INFJ + INFJ relationship could work though... i just wouldn't want to have one with as much intense feeling as i have now, as that could just be detrimental to that type of relationship with me.. i can and do get very passionate about things, and if the other person is just set in their ways and won't see it from my point of view, then we would always be on disagreeable terms... as i am deeply rooted in beliefs myself... and stubborn...

also with the gentle F side, i don't know... they could be quiet caring, or the possibility that one is prone to gentle crying while the other more prone to anger... it would best be determined by emotional stability in both partners, i think...





Motor Jax added to this post, 9 minutes and 57 seconds later...

The two are not mutually exclusive, nor does crying about something mean that you aren't manly (which doesn't even really matter in the end anyways). In fact, I would say that in situations where someone does not cry in order to maintain a facade of strength and composure, it's nowhere near as manly as crying because you're hiding and not being up front with things and are worrying too much about what others think of you.

i have a hard time just crying first.. my usually immediate reaction is anger... onkly when i had exhausted all means of getting my point across in a blind fury, and i supress the other feelings inside, do the tears come... silently falling...

damn, i hate crying... especially in front of other people.. so i find a quiet unoccupied corner to stay in until i calm down...

[Eric86]

but i hear that an INFJ + INFJ relationship could work though... i just wouldn't want to have one with as much intense feeling as i have now, as that could just be detrimental to that type of relationship with me.. i can and do get very passionate about things, and if the other person is just set in their ways and won't see it from my point of view, then we would always be on disagreeable terms... as i am deeply rooted in beliefs myself... and stubborn...
I'm somewhat the same way, as I do have very strong opinions about things, but I'm also very accommodating, tolerant, and tactful, and I never argue about anything at all; I always discuss things calmly with consideration of their views and feelings, and even if we end up not agreeing about something, we still learn from each other and everything is all good.:)
also with the gentle F side, i don't know... they could be quiet caring, or the possibility that one is prone to gentle crying while the other more prone to anger... it would best be determined by emotional stability in both partners, i think...
I definitely agree with that; I'm actually quite stable myself, for the most part (certainly not flakey or wishy-washy either). I couldn't be intimately involved with someone who isn't....that wouldn't be good for me at all because I need to feel secure (having some uncertainties about things wouldn't undermine that, though).

[green eyes]

I know, but I just think it would be especially more so with another INFJ.

Not this INFJ. :p
Friendship- sure.
Romance- not so much.

The two are not mutually exclusive, nor does crying about something mean that you aren't manly (which doesn't even really matter in the end anyways). In fact, I would say that in situations where someone does not cry in order to maintain a facade of strength and composure, it's nowhere near as manly as crying because you're hiding and not being up front with things and are worrying too much about what others think of you.

Of course.

But there are men that just DON'T cry, and it's not a facade.

[Eric86]

I know, but that's how it used to be for me until I was able to overcome it, which only happened maybe a few years ago. I used to be very unemotional throughout my whole life up until then.

[Uytuun]

Too much angst, perhaps.

[Eric86]

What do you mean by that?

[green eyes]

I can imagine that dating another INFJ could possibly be very draining or overwhelming.

[curiousjane]

I don't know. Dating an INTJ is pretty draining and overwhelming! All that stoicism and hard-to-read-ness. At least an INFJ is less ... dormant emotionally.

[ElstonGunn]

In fact, I know an INFP guy who is absolutely incredible. He's one of the hardest workers I know, who has done very well for himself. His sense of humor is great. And he genuinely cares about the people around him, without coming across as soft or weak.

Thanks, but I'm an INTJ, not an INFP. :p

As for an double INFJ thing, I think it has as much capacity to work as any other kind of pairing. I would have thought that another NF would be better for an INFJ than an SP, but Jax seems to put the kibosh on that idea. Ultimately, I think it depends on how cumulatively flexible the two people are.

[green eyes]

I don't know. Dating an INTJ is pretty draining and overwhelming! All that stoicism and hard-to-read-ness.

:laugh:
Well, not when they know they are "in love". I found it quite easy.

With an INFJ/INFJ combo, physical space in the relationship would be doable, but emotional space?
All of that intensity and taking on of each other's feelings- that seems dangerous- we might explode or something.





green eyes added to this post, 4 minutes and 10 seconds later...

And I don't necessarily always want to be TOLD what my partner is feeling. I just want to know.

Makes things a bit more interesting.

[curiousjane]

:laugh:
Well, not when they know they are "in love". I found it quite easy.

:) Yes, well, I'm trying to get there. It's a long process. And not something you can force.

I've found INFJs to be true-blue lovers. Not from personal experience, mind you, but from what I've seen in the lives of my female INFJ coworker and my male INFJ friend.

They have great senses of humor, a keen insight, and the uncanny ability to be both empathetic and just detached enough to maintain autonomy. They are both somewhat stylish in their own way, and they have a fine aesthetic. Yet they aren't too caught up in appearances or traditions to not find beauty in "average" things or people. They both strike me as fiercely loyal people who aren't afraid to show their affections. So a combination of INFJ + INFJ might be great!

[Seppuku Savant]

As for an double INFJ thing, I think it has as much capacity to work as any other kind of pairing. Ultimately, I think it depends on how cumulatively flexible the two people are.

Agreed.

My last gf was INFJ. She always wanted me to be more demonstrative and see love the same way she did. She seems to get disillusioned when dating new people fairly quickly due to high standards regarding her values and emotions. I imagine she would do really well with someone that could give her what she needs.

We seem to come back to each other on and off though. Not sure why.

[hum]

mmm...I think I would like it. mostly because infjs are great in reading people's emotions (or well, at least I am), so he would understand how I feel and comprehend the reasons behind my actions. on the other hand, I tend to dislike it when people is too similar to me, so in conclusion I can't say until I experience it (unfortunately, I don't know any infjs :( )

There woudln't be that much talk, would it? But a lot of near-telepathic communication.

lolz!

[ricearoni]

With an INFJ/INFJ combo, physical space in the relationship would be doable, but emotional space?
All of that intensity and taking on of each other's feelings- that seems dangerous- we might explode or something.

I know I have intense feelings, but I always push them to the side for others. So I think that if I was with another INFJ the difficulty wouldn't be so much that they have intense feelings, but that they'd always be sacrificing for me and preventing me from doing the same. I can imagine having a lot of non arguments about where to eat for dinner...

Me: Well if you want sushi we can go have sushi..
Him: BUT if you want Italian we can go to that Italian place...
Me: But if you've got a craving for sushi we should go there.
Him: Yeah, but I don't have to have sushi...

:rolleyes:

[Eric86]

In a case like that, one person would have to randomly decide what to do! lol

[bricklayer]

I would hate it personally

but this is a useless answer :laugh:

It wouldn't be easy for it to happen at first (shyness, self consciousness) but once it would I think it could work out.


Are they all shy?

[Empathic]

With all other factors being equal, I think it should work very well. There definitely would be excellent mutual understanding, along with the same dominant Ni. But then, I don't know about you all, just finding another INFJ is difficult - I've personally only met about one or two in real life so far. I've found that INFPs are also a great potential.

[green eyes]

Are they all shy?

I'm pretty "shy". It takes me awhile to "warm-up" to most people, unless I can sense that they are truly humble and genuine by nature. But there are some people, fake or very superficial people, mostly, that I just never seem to "warm-up" around. These people usually see me as pretty quiet and boring, and sometimes, on a few occasions, even "stuck-up".

But there are those rare individuals- like what Eric86 was talking about- that bring out all of the hidden colors of my personality. Then I am anything BUT quiet or boring.

[Motor Jax]

on the other hand, I tend to dislike it when people is too similar to me, so in conclusion I can't say until I experience it (unfortunately, I don't know any infjs :( )

just finding another INFJ is difficult - I've personally only met about one or two in real life so far.

i come from a family of INF/INT types. i have one cousin that is also an INFJ and we used to have profound conversations on the phone (she was in Lakeland, FL; i'm in Virginia Beach, VA)... but then one day, no warning, she just withdrew and never called anymore... and i just lost interest... i hadn't talked to her in more than 3 years...

Are they all shy?

on the contrary, i am the least bit shy... nervous in front of people i know, yes... but shy, no...

I'm pretty "shy". It takes me awhile to "warm-up" to most people, unless I can sense that they are truly humble and genuine by nature. But there are some people, fake or very superficial people, mostly, that I just never seem to "warm-up" around. These people usually see me as pretty quiet and boring, and sometimes, on a few occasions, even "stuck-up".

But there are those rare individuals- like what Eric86 was talking about- that bring out all of the hidden colors of my personality. Then I am anything BUT quiet or boring.

i completely agree... some people i love to make laugh, so i tell stories... other people, i just know they don't want to hear it... yea, sometimes i just choose to keep my mouth shut...

but when i feel comfortable with someone, they're going to hear a story...

[44sunsets]

Personally,
ICK :yuck:

I think it would be boring and emotionally stunting.

I don't want someone who cries as much as I do.

What makes you think INFJ men cry as much as you do?

[green eyes]

An ASSUMPTION was made based on-
how the creator of this thread is a male INFJ that admits to being emotionally expressive in that way
and...
how we are very sensitive people with a wealth of feelings that give us our passionate drive and understanding; how our auxiliary feeling function is extraverted.

There is an INTJ that posts on this forum- "Romeo" -I believe his INFJ son is married to another INFJ. I'd like to hear his opinion on the matter.

O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?

Anyways, there was a time when I thought a "gentle" man was a wonderful find, but now I am a bit biased against the idea.
I was with an ENFP with a "big heart" for 8 years (5 of those married). Aside from our many other troubles, I found out pretty early on that sensitivity, insecurity, and a lack of assertiveness/avoidance of conflict are qualities that I find unappealing in a mate.

I want someone that is "tougher" than I am, and I think I am a pretty "tough" INFJ.

[Shaz]

Are they all shy?

Actually, it's a good question. I think most of them at least would wait to know whether they have a chance before making any attempt at showing the other person they're clearly interested. And if both people are like that, they might both wait for the other person to take the first step.

This said, it is just an assumption, and it might well be wrong.

Do infjs take the first step?

Now that I think about though, the connexion would probably be so strong and obvious to begin with (2 Ni+Fe close to each other...) that there might both know what's going on without having this first step problem. I don't know.

They have great senses of humor, a keen insight, and the uncanny ability to be both empathetic and just detached enough to maintain autonomy. They are both somewhat stylish in their own way, and they have a fine aesthetic. Yet they aren't too caught up in appearances or traditions to not find beauty in "average" things or people. They both strike me as fiercely loyal people who aren't afraid to show their affections.

curiousjane you made my day :nice:

[Colette]

I don't know. Relationships of the same type seem like they would be comfortable but intense and somewhat boring.

INFJ + INFJ is an interesting combo, though, because of the capacity for fierce loyalty and caring mixed with the ability to get things done and be analytical.

I've wondered the same thing about INFP + INFP, especially when both parties are mature and have some well-developed T or J. And if at least one has a well-developed E. In fact, I know an INFP guy who is absolutely incredible. He's one of the hardest workers I know, who has done very well for himself. His sense of humor is great. And he genuinely cares about the people around him, without coming across as soft or weak. I wondered once what it would be like to date him, but I realized that, while we could talk for hours, we'd be too similar for anything long-term. We'd make great friends though.

I think this would be the same thing for most same-type pairings. But that's not to say it's impossible or wrong. In fact, I my mom's brother and his wife are INTJ + INTJ, and they have a strong, very compatible marriage. I was just thinking I personally needed more variety in my life. A little wonder.

Would you be looking for an NT type then? Not a sensor, I presume? :)

[hum]

i come from a family of INF/INT types. i have one cousin that is also an INFJ and we used to have profound conversations on the phone (she was in Lakeland, FL; i'm in Virginia Beach, VA)... but then one day, no warning, she just withdrew and never called anymore... and i just lost interest... i hadn't talked to her in more than 3 years...

that happens to me quite often (but not with other infjs). I don't get it. one minute you're okay with someone and in the next they stop talking to you. at the beggining it really bugged me, but now I'm used to it :P

[Monte314]

Seems like they would constantly be analyzing each other... silently... from across the room.

[Eric86]

I don't know about that....I'm actually WAY more talkative around other INFs (and some INTs) than everyone else, and I can easily talk to them for hours on end about anything because I'm a lot more comfortable being around them.

[ricearoni]

Ah...but are you as talkative when you've got a crush on a person?

I could know the person for years, but when I start looking at them with the lens of romance...I turn into a mute.

[Seppuku Savant]

I don't know. Dating an INTJ is pretty draining and overwhelming! All that stoicism and hard-to-read-ness. At least an INFJ is less ... dormant emotionally.

Exactly why I won't date another INTJ. Two of the same is usually comfortable, but lacks passion and the diversity needed to grow more as a human. I like my INFJ. She's practical and intelligent, but more emotional than me. It works.

She's not a crier either. I don't know if she hides it from me because I'm not the most comforting person, but she can be needy in regards to attention.

[Tunnel]

An ASSUMPTION was made based on-
how the creator of this thread is a male INFJ that admits to being emotionally expressive in that way
and...
how we are very sensitive people with a wealth of feelings that give us our passionate drive and understanding; how our auxiliary feeling function is extraverted.

There is an INTJ that posts on this forum- "Romeo" -I believe his INFJ son is married to another INFJ. I'd like to hear his opinion on the matter.

O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?

Anyways, there was a time when I thought a "gentle" man was a wonderful find, but now I am a bit biased against the idea.
I was with an ENFP with a "big heart" for 8 years (5 of those married). Aside from our many other troubles, I found out pretty early on that sensitivity, insecurity, and a lack of assertiveness/avoidance of conflict are qualities that I find unappealing in a mate.

I want someone that is "tougher" than I am, and I think I am a pretty "tough" INFJ.

How you flow in your writing is attractive.

If I wasn't 22 (in 3 days), and didn't think you were 28, I'd ask you if you'd like to try out the dual INFJ thing.

You'd find that as a male INFJ I can be very assertive. I would avoid conflict but use my uncanny INFJ persuasive people skills to satisfy my male ego. It would not be used in a vindictive manner though.

You'd find me not as sensitive as you think. I did not turn out homosexual so I had to use my introverted thinking to fit into society, although my innate ability to empathize (and nack for personal analysis) would drive my iT somewhat. Perhaps you'd find it makes me a pussy or find it constructive (I think the latter).

You would find me insecure though . . . . that's all I'll say on insecurity I've decided. Perhaps you'll be able to figure out why, although I doubt you'll express your thoughts. Especially if you feel/think I have a future on this forum and you'd have to deal with me.

I don't think I would of wrote this if I didn't find you intriguing (intellect/personality/interests). I am much more a reader here than a poster.

[Nikita]

Seems like they would constantly be analyzing each other... silently... from across the room.

I can see that. I can also see some disagreements over values vs. cold logic. INFJ strikes me as a humanitarian at heart, INTJ a scientist. These are not fields that always agree, though they can achieve great things together when working in harmony.

[enWTFp]

I've been between two INFJs. Without me, they were going to eat each other. Or at least write books about eating each other. They just can't comfort each other. They get more irritated and competing than supporting. Each side explodes of endless paranoia, that cannot find its release. They think they can predict the other, and they know they cannot influence or help them, which drives both INFJs crazy.

The best match I see is creative/professional. By competing they achieve a lot. But they need other sources of regeneration.

Short-term relationship can have strong passions. Long-term would be too unstable, perhaps.