"Reasonable excuses" for failing to attend jury duty

[CrudeHypothesis]

I failed to attend jury duty.
Help me come up with a 'reasonable excuse' to tell the judge ;)

---------- Post added 02-04-2012 at 02:29 PM ----------

I'll start with the truth:
I was contemplating and had a epiphany and I was off in another world and I ended up wondering around the streets at night till 5am thinking of all the implications then slept in and missed it.

[venuspop]

I had the mother of all toothache and my dental surgeon said I needed complete bed rest.

[jkatra]

Jury duty is against my religion. I'm agnostic.

[venuspop]

My mother-in-law is dead. I need to bury her for a couple of weeks.

[jkatra]

I automatically think everyone is guilty of every crime in the world.

[venuspop]

I just discovered that I'm related to the accused, who is my first cousin thrice removed.

[jkatra]

I don't consider anyone to be my peer so I can't be on a jury of my peers.

[venuspop]

One of the other jury is having an affair with my wife and I can't have that!

[jkatra]

I want to be judge, jury and executioner, so I can't only be on the jury.

[venuspop]

I prefer to be the judge. May I please, please be the judge? Pretty please?

[jkatra]

I don't like rooms, so I can't be in a jury room.

[venuspop]

I'm anti-social. I'm an introvert. I don't like the other members of the jury. If I can't be the sole jury, I won't!

[jkatra]

I think crime is OK. Why should we put people on trial?

[venuspop]

The accused looked cute. I might be biased.

[jkatra]

I think we should kill all the lawyers, so I really shouldn't be in a courtroom.

[venuspop]

I had a dream last night. A man in shadows told me I can't report for jury duty today. Something to do with bad luck.

[jkatra]

I don't think "the law" really exists.

[venuspop]

Just as I was about to leave my apartment for jury duty today, a black cat crossed my path. It frightened me back into my room.

[jkatra]

I can't pay attention to anything.

[venuspop]

I hurt my wee little finger so I need to be hospitalized.

[IronSulfide]

I was passing a kidney stone.

[jkatra]

I need to get allergy shots (this is a real excuse I made to avoid jury duty).

[venuspop]

I overslept.

[jkatra]

I like committing crimes in courtrooms.

[Oros Ull]

My pet Giant Weta died this morning…

[venuspop]

My neighbor's wife hung herself on my tree in my yard.

[IronSulfide]

I had a wardrobe malfunction.

[Dung]

My eyesight was all blurry due to my earlier encounter with IronSulfide, and I didn't see it happen.

[Monte314]

As you can see, judge, I have robotic legs, and there is this virus...

[CrudeHypothesis]

^ dog ate my jury summons, so I couldn't locate the courtroom.

[venuspop]

The bailiff took me in because I insulted his lunch.

[IronSulfide]

Juror #2 has terrible B.O. - I can't be in the same room with him.

[venuspop]

I was locked in the toilet. (True story)

[CrudeHypothesis]

I got attacked by ^ dog

[IronSulfide]

My alarm clock was defective.

[venuspop]

I was in the middle of a delicious dream and I didn't want to wake up.

[IronSulfide]

God spoke to me. He told me not to go to jury duty.

[Dung]

I fell asleep in my bath, and drowned for a short while, sorry.

[IronSulfide]

I got lost on the subway.

[Dung]

That day, on the way to court, I fell into a sewage manhole, Your Honor.

[IronSulfide]

There was a really good sale at Sears.

[thebrainpolice]

I was busy cleaning up all of that white powder in the evidence room.

[Dung]

^^ Judge (suspicious) - "Really?"

IronSulfide: "It was not an ordinary sale Your Honor. It was a fuckin' sale (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.)."

[IronSulfide]

I was busy robbing a bank.

[venuspop]

I was busy socializing on Facebook.

[IronSulfide]

My one of my split personalities is a scofflaw and he blew off the summons.

[Sprelious]

You were serious about that?

[jkatra]

I believe that crime is a natural and organic expression of the flow of life, so I cannot judge it.

[Sprelious]

There was a fascinating new thread on the forum.

[jkatra]

I know the judge, the accused and all the jury.

[venuspop]

God said I mustn't judge.

[IronSulfide]

Satan told me I must acquit.

[venuspop]

I heard that an asteroid is hitting my house.

[IronSulfide]

I am vampire. I cannot oblige daytime engagements.

[jkatra]

I think juries should consist of 50 people.

[IronSulfide]

I had tickets to the Lakers.

[jkatra]

I already know he's guilty so I don't want to waste my time with a trial.

[IronSulfide]

Aren't 11 jurors enough?

[venuspop]

I had a head-dy-ache.

[Fujimoto]

I feel stupid.

[venuspop]

I was given an infraction by the moderators of a forum so I had to deal with that first.

[IronSulfide]

Courtroom security wouldn't let me bring my teddy bear.

[venuspop]

IronSulfide's teddy bear peed and we had to change his diapers.

[IronSulfide]

I experience homicidal urges whenever I enter a courtroom.

[Fujimoto]

I have to stay home with the lights off, waiting for the cockroaches to come out so I can smash them.

[IronSulfide]

Sitting in that juror box all day is murder on my back.

[VagrantChord]

I once served time with the defendant. I haven't seen him in a long time but he's probably guilty of the charges.

[IronSulfide]

I think the prosecutor made a pass at me.

[frontaLobotomy]

I traded my summons for a coke and a cigarette.

[venuspop]

Amnesia

[IronSulfide]

What jury duty? The summons must have been lost in the mail.

[ModernLit]

I automatically think everyone is guilty of every crime in the world.

and then follow up with, "i'm an INTJ?" :D

---------- Post added 02-14-2012 at 07:39 AM ----------

I was given an infraction by the moderators of a forum so I had to deal with that first.

lol i laughed really hard at this excuse!! nice!!

[IronSulfide]

I was busy fending off home invaders.

[venuspop]

I was in the mood to grieve for poor Whitney Houston and would have made bad decisions when in that mood.

[IronSulfide]

My cockroach farm needed tending.

[venuspop]

My dogs were mating and they need supervision.

[Sprelious]

I had to dispose of the body

[venuspop]

I heard Morse Code off my pipes and I had to decode them.

[Sprelious]

My Mother In Law was in town and I couldn't leave her and my wife alone together.

[venuspop]

I had to help get my mother-in-law a tummy ache.

[Sprelious]

I was crooked when I woke up, so I had to check the Earth's Axis.

[venuspop]

My mother-in-law finally had a tummy-ache so I had to take her the wrong way to the GP.

[Sprelious]

My Mother In Law ate my Jury Summons

[venuspop]

My Mother-in-law ate me out of house and home so I had to find a new one. (I mean a new Mother-in-law)

[Sprelious]

My Mother In Law excused me

[venuspop]

My Mother-in-law locked me in the toilet.

[IronSulfide]

I can't leave the house for more than an hour - my cats miss me.

[venuspop]

I was playing Skyrim at the time.

[IronSulfide]

I got food poisoning.

[Fujimoto]

I took an arrow to the knee.

[VagrantChord]

I died yesterday. Just ask Social Security.

[IronSulfide]

Sorry, I'm a fugitive.

[venuspop]

It was raining and I don't have an umbrella.

[Fujimoto]

I get panic attacks around metal detectors.

[IronSulfide]

I have a phobia of indoor spaces.

[Thinker]

I'm the victim

[elTee13]

Never received notice for Jury Duty. The mailbox got vandalized, maybe it was stolen?!

[Sprelious]

I grew a third leg.

[Thinker]

I'm dead

[Social Torture]

Judge & Jury... BORING. I just wanted to be the executioner... wahahahahaha. I even paid a blacksmith in my guild a lot of money to forge this really awesome axe. Do you want to see it? Come on now, I know you want to.

[Thinker]

I'm sleeping with the judge

[venuspop]

I'm sleeping with the accused.

[Thinker]

I'm sleeping with the prosecuting attorney

[venuspop]

I'm sleeping with the defense lawyer.

[Thinker]

I'm sleeping

[venuspop]

I'm thinking.

[peppersasen]

I'm sleeping with everyone.

---------- Post added 02-17-2012 at 01:37 PM ----------

Says INTJf's resident town slut.

[venuspop]

:laugh:

I was booked for speeding.

[gracious]

Is it a conflict of interest if I commited the crime and framed the accused?

[Fujimoto]

I'm sleeping with the gavel.

[gracious]

Prison jumpsuits turn me on; I will be too distracted to listen.

[IronSulfide]

I took the red pill.

[gracious]

It's past my curfew.

[Thinker]

My mother won't let me

[IronSulfide]

I'm sorry, but I break into hysterical laughter whenever someone mentions the "Penal" Code.

[Thinker]

I'm booked to go to the moon that day

[venuspop]

I had to go for an audition.

[Thinker]

I ran out of clean socks

[venuspop]

I fainted and forgot to come to.

[IronSulfide]

Sorry, I was serving in Afghanistan.

[sed0007]

It is trouble to fail to attend.

The safest, best thing to do is to express bias and lack of objectivity in answering attorney's questions during voir dire.

You will not be retained to sit in an empaneled jury, and can either expect not to have to serve out the full week, or at least be able to get a lot of work done in the cafeteria or waiting room.

[Thinker]

Busy planning a bomb threat

[venuspop]

I was thinking ...

[Thinker]

I'm a dog

[venuspop]

*LOL*

I was stalking Thinker and I forgot the time.

[IronSulfide]

I was drunk.

[Sprelious]

I died.

[Thinker]

I ran out of drugs

[venuspop]

I was 35000 feet in the air at the time.

[Thinker]

venuspop said "No"

[idoj]

I'm a single mother. You can't make me:)

[venuspop]

Thinker asked me not to.

[Thinker]

venuspop ate me

[VagrantChord]

You mean "jury duty" means I actually have to do something?

[Thinker]

venuspop had problems with her computer

[Sprelious]

My Gerbel got loose.

[Thinker]

I'm in the middle of feeding my reindeer herd and really can't leave the north pole until Xmas day

[NoGrayArea01]

I'm trapped in a cage with seven lions... can't... move...

[venuspop]

Get off my back! I'm waiting here for Old Faithful to blow.

[Thinker]

I have to go to school

[discontinuous]

This case is giving me the weirdest boner right now.

[venuspop]

I was abducted by aliens and did not know when I'll be returned.

[Dung]

VenusPop was supposed to go on my behalf but didn't go, and ate my letter of accreditation, my license plate and all of my money so I committed suicide.

[venuspop]

Dung made me throw up the letter of accreditation, licence plate and money I didn't swallow. The trauma incapacitated me.

Enclosed: Letter of confirmation from Dr House, MD.

[IronSulfide]

My mistake, I thought jury duty was some sort of tax.

[discontinuous]

I was at a funeral... ...my friends lvl 59 Paladin got blitzed in hardcore.

[venuspop]

I was helping IronSulfide to balance his tax account, failing which, he turns suicidal.

[discontinuous]

After consuming single bite of this *pictured* apple, purchased on Feb 2nd on 654 Fourth street *shows bill*, I humbly observed a hole, approx 8mm in diameter, oriented towards the seedy center. As an informed consumer I believed it was necessary to further investigate the matter.

[Thinker]

Sure...I can be there...I don't go anywhere without my gun though

[Social Torture]

I have been keeping up on the news via online resources which also means that I can read.

[Sprelious]

I had an itch.

[IronSulfide]

My ass hurts in those chairs.

[Sprelious]

I'm just waiting for deliberations. I had my mind made up already.

[IronSulfide]

How can I be impartial when the accused is so hot?

[Sprelious]

Based on the air flow in the Court Room I was afraid I may catch Legionaires Disease.

[Thinker]

Can I bring my imaginary friend...he makes all the decisions for me

[venuspop]

My lawyer said I'm mentally incapacitated. Does that mean anything?

[discontinuous]

I met a hooker in the lobby.

[venuspop]

I need to finish my homework.

[Sprelious]

There was a sale at Macy's

[discontinuous]

I really, absolutely couldn't live another day without being re-baptized.

[IronSulfide]

I'm an anarchist.

[KeithP]

Tourettes.

[gracious]

The proceedings will need to be filmed for my new Reality TV series that follows all my crazy daily antics. Prepare to get Punk'd!


Squee!

[IronSulfide]

They wouldn't let my pet chimp past security.

[Thinker]

I'm allergic to courtrooms

[gracious]

If I leave the house my bedbugs get lonely and chew my shoes.

[Krinoh]

I showed up at the wrong courthouse!

[discontinuous]

Mediating an argument between two homeless people. For great justice.

[venuspop]

I had to help pelt my neighbor's cat.

[discontinuous]

Taking part in slutwalk protest.

[venuspop]

I have gone to inspect the moon and I won't be back till Friday next.

[Thinker]

I don't know how to do up my shoelaces...Once mum gets home I'll be right there

[venuspop]

I have to first finish my 100 lines of "I will not talk in class, Sir."

[Krinoh]

No hablo ingles.

[Sprelious]

I was pinned down by laser fire.

[discontinuous]

Blue balls.... emergency situation. *runs out*

[Sprelious]

I had Typhoid Fever yesterday, but I'm OK today.

[Krinoh]

I already knew who was guilty - I'm psychic.

[Sprelious]

My mother grounded me.

[Krinoh]

I was sleeping with your wife.

Your honor.

[Sprelious]

I was visiting family on Mars.

[Krinoh]

I thought that was NEXT Friday!

[IronSulfide]

My favorite soap opera was on.

[Krinoh]

Oh, I thought you said INjury Duty. How do you think I broke this arm?

[Thinker]

I was on superhero duty

[IronSulfide]

My mailbox was stolen.

[Thinker]

I had a phone call from the president of the intergalactic parliament

[IronSulfide]

The National Enquirer says there's going to be an alien invasion. I have to prepare!

[Thinker]

I was having lunch with ET

[IronSulfide]

I was going to, but I ran into Tiffani at the mall and she called me a skank and I was like oh...my...God I'm going to tear your hair out but then I saw there was a sale at Abercrombie & Fitch and designer earrings that were half off but this chick gave me the evil eye so I slapped her clawed her face tore her cheap hooker top and she grabbed my hair and kicked me and the police came so I ran out only to find this totally creepy guy from class who totally sucks and should just die he asked for my number and I wanted to hurl so bad I went to the food court drank a smoothie and purged in the bathroom then I felt better and went home. What was the question again?

[Thinker]

I ran out of flue powder

[IronSulfide]

I got pulled over for speeding on the way to court.

[Thinker]

I am allergic to pompous jackasses with a gavel

[IronSulfide]

I hate pigs.

[Thinker]

The pig was guilty....I sent my vote in the mail

[Krinoh]

Oh, I've always spelled that wrong.. I thought it was "Jury, Do Tea!" See attached photo.

To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

[IronSulfide]

I was the victim of an alien abduction.

[Krinoh]

I was in an eight hour coma.

[IronSulfide]

I had a terrible hangover.

[Krinoh]

I had a slight hangover.

[Thinker]

I cayn't rede......my momma wroted dis :)

[Krinoh]

I have narcolepsy. I can hardl...fini....

[Thinker]

It was a sunny day...and we were pig shooting

[Krinoh]

It was a piggy day, and we were sun shooting.

[Thinker]

I had to go to the shops and get ice cream

[Krinoh]

I never received the four letters you sent me about Jury Duty.

[Thinker]

Conflict of interest....I'm married to the accused

[Krinoh]

I don't do jury duty without my own gavel.

[Thinker]

I'm a conscientious objector....I believe in equal rights for gavels.

[Krinoh]

Thinker stole my gavel.

[Thinker]

Krinoh was mistreating his gavel....I had to rescue it

[Krinoh]

I was at home all day, plotting my gavel re-rescue mission.

[Thinker]

I was at home looking after the gavel rescue centre

[Krinoh]

I went to home depot to build a new gavel. You should see Thinker's gavel rescue centre.

[Thinker]

One of my gavels (at the rescue centre) was giving birth

[gracious]

A red sock got into my load of white laundry and now everything's pink.

[Thinker]

I lost a red sock

[venuspop]

I had to hide thinker's red sock in a big hole in the middle of the Sahara desert.

[Thinker]

venuspop ate the letter

[venuspop]

I'm sorry, Your Honor. I had to challenge Thinker to a sunset duel because he accused me of eating the letter that I swear I never touched! It taste pretty good though.

[Thinker]

venuspop won the duel

[venuspop]

So we went for a drink at the pub.
And we forgot all about you, Your Honor.

[Thinker]

I got lost on my way from the pub to the court

[venuspop]

The pub was closed by the time I came to. So I couldn't come.

[Thinker]

I tripped over venuspop getting out of the pub

[venuspop]

There was a bruise THIS BIG and I had to call up an investigation team to find out what happened. The team took seven days to interrogate everyone present.

Wait! There's something odd about the above post. There's a clue in there somewhere.

[Thinker]

^^That would make you the victim??

I'm lost

[venuspop]

Your Honor, did you say I'm the victim?

[Thinker]

I thought I was the judge

[venuspop]

Why am I making excuses for failing to attend jury duty if I'm the victim?

Your Honor!

I OBJECT!

[Thinker]

I couldn't spell venuspoop

[venuspop]

When Pop poops, Pop poops.

*Pop is my late chihuahua.

Since he died three years ago, I can't attend jury duty today although I am the victim?

[Thinker]

I was mourning the passing of Pop

[venuspop]

Aren't you the Judge?

Gee... this is confusing, Your Honor.

Who am I again?

[Thinker]

I was the judge in the last case...but I didn't receive a letter for this one

[venuspop]

*reminiscent*

It taste good. :p (the letter I didn't eat.) ;)

[Thinker]

Hmmm
Dogs are my achilles heel...does that count as an excuse?

[venuspop]

Your Honor! That was a lie. That was a false lie.

I did not bite his heels. I was only chewing them.

[Thinker]

I was injured by a heel nipping internet dog

[venuspop]

Your Honor!

*whispers* ~~~ He's talking about me, isn't he? I won't attend jury duty with him! You gotta choose. It's him or me!

[Thinker]

I have been followed all day by this paranoid heel nipping dog....it's dangerous your honour....I can't attend court for the sake of the safety of everyone attending

[venuspop]

*LOL* ~~~ Oh, you're good! :thumbsup:

[Thinker]

I am taking this dog away...where it won't harm anyone

[venuspop]

Court adjourned.

[Krinoh]

I had the giggles, hardcore.

[IronSulfide]

I had a nosebleed.

[Thinker]

I am running for president that day

[discontinuous]

My name is Dr. Phil.

[Thinker]

I have a discontinuity problem I'm working on :p