View Full Version : "Reasonable excuses" for failing to attend jury duty
02-25-2012, 04:40 PM
I was thinking about coming... then I thought otherwise.
02-25-2012, 06:04 PM
I have a hot date
02-25-2012, 06:13 PM
I kept winning things on every website I went to. Hope you understand, I couldn't blow off my streak.
02-25-2012, 06:19 PM
I was walking the dog...you know the crazy one which nips at your heels :)
02-26-2012, 09:42 PM
I was walking the man, you know, the one who looked like a fire hydrant.
02-28-2012, 10:35 AM
There was a Malcolm in the Middle marathon.
03-24-2012, 01:51 AM
I couldn't open my door handle because I ran out of tissues.
03-24-2012, 06:41 PM
My kid swiped my car keys again.
03-26-2012, 04:06 PM
I couldn't function because my iPhone died.
03-27-2012, 12:27 AM
I ran out of gas in the middle of the Sahara.
03-27-2012, 06:13 PM
I ran out of dogs in the middle of the Sahara.
03-28-2012, 12:34 AM
I had to finish weighing the sand in the Kalahari.
03-29-2012, 07:04 AM
I can't because I'm on a restraining order.
03-29-2012, 07:31 AM
I can't because there are warrants out for my arrest.
03-31-2012, 01:37 PM
What makes you think you're entitled to the truth?
03-31-2012, 02:24 PM
I was on my way to jury duty and I'll be damned if I wasn't accosted by pack of roving mimes who whisked me away to involuntary mime camp. Cruel bastards
03-31-2012, 06:18 PM
I was on the job down in the coal mines, and there was a cave-in.
03-31-2012, 08:33 PM
my name was called for the Hunger Games first, sorry your honor, a fight to the death always wins out
03-31-2012, 08:35 PM
Moxiie and I were getting coffee.
03-31-2012, 08:38 PM
Fujimoto and I were learning how to pour a perfect tree on our lattes...lost track of time
03-31-2012, 08:43 PM
I was too dumb to understand Moxiie's advanced techniques. She had to do it over and over and over again.
03-31-2012, 09:23 PM
had to teach fujimoto over and over and over that it's all in the wrist.....lost track of time
04-01-2012, 09:13 AM
The sun was shining.
04-01-2012, 11:20 AM
Ended up drinking too much coffee and couldn't steer the car.
04-01-2012, 11:45 AM
i would have made it, but the mule i had to ride because my car was stolen, simply refused to go
04-01-2012, 11:46 AM
I was holding my map upside down.
I sat on a rocket chair and took off.
04-02-2012, 05:29 AM
I was handcuffed to my bed at the time.
04-02-2012, 08:27 AM
I was flipping burgers to feed the masses and prevent anarchy, so summoning me is advocating societal collapse.
04-02-2012, 11:14 AM
I was under the influence of an imperius curse.
04-05-2012, 03:01 AM
I had amnesia yesterday.
04-05-2012, 03:10 AM
i won't be around tomorrow.
04-05-2012, 03:15 AM
I had a very important appointment with my psychic. She says the guy is guilty.
04-05-2012, 10:49 AM
I have internal injuries. I think I broke a capillary.
04-05-2012, 11:01 AM
I was the victim of a voodoo attack.
04-05-2012, 02:52 PM
I had that "not so fresh" feeling.
04-05-2012, 02:54 PM
I was watching a Star Trek marathon.
04-05-2012, 02:59 PM
That fish taco wasn't sitting so well.
04-05-2012, 03:11 PM
The voices in my head told me not to go.
04-05-2012, 03:40 PM
I have a bad case of hiccups.
I couldn't find an adequate suit in my wardrobe...
04-05-2012, 11:47 PM
i am a vampire and can't go out during the daylight hours.
04-06-2012, 08:53 AM
I'm not blind. How can I be expected to administer justice?
04-11-2012, 11:56 PM
The voice in my head told me to kill everybody in the room
04-11-2012, 11:57 PM
I was stuck with a decision. I couldn't decide where to send my bishop.
04-12-2012, 04:12 AM
so... just fyi, you're not supposed to lie to get out of jury duty. you could go to jail for 6 yrs. lol. it's not a good idea to lie, and then talk to a radio show about it later... HMM.
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04-12-2012, 05:05 AM
I was chained to a chair by my kidnappers and was in the middle of my grand escape, at which point I blew up the building with a massive explosion and tracked down the enemy boss and killed him as revenge for having taken the life of my mentor.
04-12-2012, 09:20 AM
The judge is my illegitimate lovechild.
04-12-2012, 10:40 AM
I am in love with the defendant.
All of the defendants.
04-12-2012, 10:43 AM
Two words: Aliens
04-12-2012, 10:43 AM
I don't want to sneeze at trial. I'm allergic to my snot.
04-12-2012, 10:45 AM
The chairs aren't very comfortable.
04-12-2012, 11:00 AM
I am extremely biased to the thing that sets the defendant apart from other people. Nothing? Does he wear glasses? Then I am biased against glasses.
04-12-2012, 11:02 AM
My favorite pants were in the wash.
04-12-2012, 11:03 AM
I'm a nudist for clinical reasons.
04-12-2012, 11:04 AM
There was a sale at Macy's
04-12-2012, 11:09 AM
I was making a drug run.
04-12-2012, 11:10 AM
I was sorting my rocks.
04-12-2012, 11:17 AM
My GPS became sentient and tried to direct me off a cliff.
04-12-2012, 11:18 AM
I couldn't remember if it was sock, sock, shoe, shoe or sock, shoe, sock, shoe.
04-12-2012, 11:21 AM
My kidneys need wireless connection.
04-12-2012, 11:23 AM
Do you have any idea how many better things I have to do?
04-12-2012, 11:26 AM
Jury duty? Ohhh, I thought you said JERRY duty. I was wondering why they wouldn't let me backstage on Springer!
04-12-2012, 11:30 AM
I've got a string on my back that, when pulled, makes me say, "Guilty, guilty, guilty." Incidentally, the string also makes me say, "Wrong cord, baby."
04-12-2012, 11:33 AM
I am not a real person. You see, I am a fictional persona created by the government so they can send their spies on missions using it.
04-12-2012, 11:34 AM
I've got a craving for mahogany furniture.
04-12-2012, 11:38 AM
I've been hypnotized to go on a random murdering spree every time I hear a gavel.
04-12-2012, 11:43 AM
I see the ghosts of judges past. They tell me you're a fink and a liar.
04-12-2012, 11:46 AM
I got into a horrible accident and am currently recuperating at the Malibu Spa Hospital
04-14-2012, 02:52 PM
My GPS malfunctioned and I ended up in Canada.
04-14-2012, 07:33 PM
I was replaced with a robot.
DESTROY ALL HUMANS
DESTROY ALL HUMANS
DESTROY ALL HUMANS
04-14-2012, 07:35 PM
I had a Hangnail.
04-14-2012, 08:33 PM
I'm like an old book. Move me and I turn to dust.
04-14-2012, 09:12 PM
A guy wanted to talk to me about my vote.
04-16-2012, 09:54 AM
The line for gasoline was so long, I could only afford enough gasoline to drive back to the end of the line again.
04-16-2012, 12:48 PM
04-16-2012, 02:21 PM
I think I'm funny. Gets me in trouble so you might consider my absence as a way of preventing needless extra cases.
04-16-2012, 02:25 PM
Do you have any idea how bad jurror #4 smells?
04-16-2012, 02:57 PM
I forgot which pedal was the brake.
04-16-2012, 02:59 PM
I thought I had the winning ticket in the lottery, so I drove to the state capital. Turns out I didn't have a single number. Now which one is the killer?
04-16-2012, 06:42 PM
Damn tornado took out my trailer park again.
04-16-2012, 06:44 PM
I forgot to let the Laquer dry before I sat in the chair.
04-16-2012, 06:53 PM
Well, I'm kinda big. I guess I could do it if you sent a crane and a flatbed truck.
04-16-2012, 06:59 PM
04-18-2012, 11:32 AM
The victim is underage and I'm a pedophile, so I'm biased.
04-18-2012, 11:45 AM
04-18-2012, 11:51 AM
I cannot attend jury duty because I absolutely must win this debate on INTJf.
04-18-2012, 11:57 AM
I thought I was off the hook after I blew you.
04-18-2012, 12:36 PM
I had violent diarrhea, see these photos?
04-18-2012, 01:18 PM
Our system is flawed and I can not and will not acknowledge it.
04-19-2012, 05:52 AM
Everyone is guilty of something. Can't you just send this guy to the chair on your own and leave me out of it?
04-19-2012, 07:54 AM
Your honor, what is justice? If you force me to attend against my will, are you no better than that accused rapist?
04-19-2012, 02:38 PM
Juror #8 keeps trying to touch me inappropriately.
04-21-2012, 08:16 PM
Because all the jurors have been abducted by the body snatchers, and replaced with exact duplicates where half of them always tell a lie, and the other half always tell the truth, but we don't know which ones are which!
04-22-2012, 07:17 AM
My pet lion escaped from his enclosure.
04-22-2012, 09:53 AM
I have to walk three miles in three feet of snow uphill both ways
04-22-2012, 11:08 AM
I'm a sadist. Do you really want to give me the opportunity to punish someone?
04-22-2012, 04:42 PM
The Chinese restaurant downstairs got my dog...
04-22-2012, 05:09 PM
I had a batch of cookies in the oven.
04-23-2012, 06:05 AM
you kick my dog!
04-23-2012, 11:14 AM
The court didn't have valet parking.
04-23-2012, 08:21 PM
I was on the way to court, but then I saw a car drive by.
Looking at its rear window I could see an entire family.
They looked white, malnurished and retarded.
Then blood shot out of my nose.
The last thing I remember thinking before I slipped into a coma, was "why would anyone purchase those stupid stick figure family stickers?"
04-24-2012, 11:40 AM
I accidentally ran over the neighbor's autistic kid.
04-25-2012, 06:49 AM
I had to listen to GD's erotic stories.
04-25-2012, 09:38 AM
I got an offer I couldn't refuse.
04-25-2012, 11:18 AM
I got locked in a bank vault.
04-25-2012, 08:41 PM
Me: I was on the way to court when I tripped over an honest lawyer.
Judge: But they don't exi...
04-29-2012, 08:35 PM
I had to polish my Bobble Head.
04-30-2012, 05:16 AM
I have transcended the need to participate in society.
04-30-2012, 05:43 AM
But I did show up for jury duty. You must have amnesia.
04-30-2012, 01:25 PM
Because you'll pay me for my service, but you'll pay me in the american dollar, which is legal tender and backed by nothing, and is essentially a fiat currency which is unconstitutional.
i just cut off my own ear. gosh, what are the odds of that.
04-30-2012, 01:34 PM
I got ass-raped by a politicial, he used a pen.
05-05-2012, 06:46 AM
That's a metaphor, it means he signed a bill that is screwing all of us.
05-05-2012, 02:08 PM
I ate a pair of colorful magnets and now they are slowly tearing apart my internal organs.
05-05-2012, 11:31 PM
After watching K-ON! I was afraid to go outside because I might be a To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
07-07-2012, 05:41 AM
Update, I missed jury duty again, then the chick tells me it's not compulsory for me because I'm a student.
07-07-2012, 05:54 AM
i'm a vampire and i can't go out during daylight hours.
07-07-2012, 06:26 AM
I was "wired in"
07-07-2012, 07:57 AM
I look much better at home and not in other places.
07-08-2012, 05:45 AM
It was Caturday
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