"Reasonable excuses" for failing to attend jury duty

[discontinuous]

I was thinking about coming... then I thought otherwise.

[Thinker]

I have a hot date

[discontinuous]

I kept winning things on every website I went to. Hope you understand, I couldn't blow off my streak.

[Thinker]

I was walking the dog...you know the crazy one which nips at your heels :)

[venuspop]

:laugh:

I was walking the man, you know, the one who looked like a fire hydrant.

[gracious]

There was a Malcolm in the Middle marathon.

[CrudeHypothesis]

I couldn't open my door handle because I ran out of tissues.

[IronSulfide]

My kid swiped my car keys again.

[CrudeHypothesis]

I couldn't function because my iPhone died.

[venuspop]

I ran out of gas in the middle of the Sahara.

[CrudeHypothesis]

I ran out of dogs in the middle of the Sahara.

[venuspop]

I had to finish weighing the sand in the Kalahari.

[CrudeHypothesis]

I can't because I'm on a restraining order.

[Polymath20]

I can't because there are warrants out for my arrest.

[CrudeHypothesis]

What makes you think you're entitled to the truth?

[Moxiie]

I was on my way to jury duty and I'll be damned if I wasn't accosted by pack of roving mimes who whisked me away to involuntary mime camp. Cruel bastards

[Fujimoto]

I was on the job down in the coal mines, and there was a cave-in.

[Moxiie]

my name was called for the Hunger Games first, sorry your honor, a fight to the death always wins out

[Fujimoto]

Moxiie and I were getting coffee.

[Moxiie]

Fujimoto and I were learning how to pour a perfect tree on our lattes...lost track of time

[Fujimoto]

I was too dumb to understand Moxiie's advanced techniques. She had to do it over and over and over again.

[Moxiie]

had to teach fujimoto over and over and over that it's all in the wrist.....lost track of time

[Sprelious]

The sun was shining.

[Fujimoto]

Ended up drinking too much coffee and couldn't steer the car.

[Moxiie]

i would have made it, but the mule i had to ride because my car was stolen, simply refused to go

[Fujimoto]

I was holding my map upside down.

[Dung]

I sat on a rocket chair and took off.

[IronSulfide]

I was handcuffed to my bed at the time.

[CrudeHypothesis]

I was flipping burgers to feed the masses and prevent anarchy, so summoning me is advocating societal collapse.

[IronSulfide]

I was under the influence of an imperius curse.

[Sprelious]

I had amnesia yesterday.

[ModernLit]

i won't be around tomorrow.

[Sprelious]

I had a very important appointment with my psychic. She says the guy is guilty.

[Dysthe]

I have internal injuries. I think I broke a capillary.

[IronSulfide]

I was the victim of a voodoo attack.

[gracious]

I had that "not so fresh" feeling.

[IronSulfide]

I was watching a Star Trek marathon.

[gracious]

That fish taco wasn't sitting so well.

[IronSulfide]

The voices in my head told me not to go.

[Dysthe]

I have a bad case of hiccups.

[Dung]

I couldn't find an adequate suit in my wardrobe...

[ModernLit]

i am a vampire and can't go out during the daylight hours.

[IronSulfide]

I'm not blind. How can I be expected to administer justice?

[CrudeHypothesis]

The voice in my head told me to kill everybody in the room

[venuspop]

I was stuck with a decision. I couldn't decide where to send my bishop.

[ModernLit]

so... just fyi, you're not supposed to lie to get out of jury duty. you could go to jail for 6 yrs. lol. it's not a good idea to lie, and then talk to a radio show about it later... HMM.

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[Reizu]

I was chained to a chair by my kidnappers and was in the middle of my grand escape, at which point I blew up the building with a massive explosion and tracked down the enemy boss and killed him as revenge for having taken the life of my mentor.

[CrudeHypothesis]

The judge is my illegitimate lovechild.

[Reizu]

I am in love with the defendant.

All of the defendants.

[Sprelious]

Two words: Aliens

[Dysthe]

I don't want to sneeze at trial. I'm allergic to my snot.

[Sprelious]

The chairs aren't very comfortable.

[Reizu]

I am extremely biased to the thing that sets the defendant apart from other people. Nothing? Does he wear glasses? Then I am biased against glasses.

[Sprelious]

My favorite pants were in the wash.

[Dysthe]

I'm a nudist for clinical reasons.

[Sprelious]

There was a sale at Macy's

[Reizu]

I was making a drug run.

[Sprelious]

I was sorting my rocks.

[Reizu]

My GPS became sentient and tried to direct me off a cliff.

[Sprelious]

I couldn't remember if it was sock, sock, shoe, shoe or sock, shoe, sock, shoe.

[Dysthe]

My kidneys need wireless connection.

[Sprelious]

Do you have any idea how many better things I have to do?

[Reizu]

Jury duty? Ohhh, I thought you said JERRY duty. I was wondering why they wouldn't let me backstage on Springer!

[Dysthe]

I've got a string on my back that, when pulled, makes me say, "Guilty, guilty, guilty." Incidentally, the string also makes me say, "Wrong cord, baby."

[Reizu]

I am not a real person. You see, I am a fictional persona created by the government so they can send their spies on missions using it.

[Dysthe]

I've got a craving for mahogany furniture.

[Reizu]

I've been hypnotized to go on a random murdering spree every time I hear a gavel.

[Dysthe]

I see the ghosts of judges past. They tell me you're a fink and a liar.

[Reizu]

I got into a horrible accident and am currently recuperating at the Malibu Spa Hospital

[Sprelious]

My GPS malfunctioned and I ended up in Canada.

[Reizu]

I was replaced with a robot.

DESTROY ALL HUMANS
DESTROY ALL HUMANS
DESTROY ALL HUMANS

[Sprelious]

I had a Hangnail.

[Dysthe]

I'm like an old book. Move me and I turn to dust.

[Sprelious]

A guy wanted to talk to me about my vote.

[CrudeHypothesis]

The line for gasoline was so long, I could only afford enough gasoline to drive back to the end of the line again.

[Reizu]

I'm old.

[discontinuous]

I think I'm funny. Gets me in trouble so you might consider my absence as a way of preventing needless extra cases.

[Sprelious]

Do you have any idea how bad jurror #4 smells?

[Reizu]

I forgot which pedal was the brake.

[Sprelious]

I thought I had the winning ticket in the lottery, so I drove to the state capital. Turns out I didn't have a single number. Now which one is the killer?

[gracious]

Damn tornado took out my trailer park again.

[Sprelious]

I forgot to let the Laquer dry before I sat in the chair.

[gracious]

Well, I'm kinda big. I guess I could do it if you sent a crane and a flatbed truck.

[Sprelious]

Donuts...

[CrudeHypothesis]

The victim is underage and I'm a pedophile, so I'm biased.

[Sprelious]

What?

[Polymath20]

Dear Magistrate,
I cannot attend jury duty because I absolutely must win this debate on INTJf.

Sincerely,
Polymath20

[Sprelious]

I thought I was off the hook after I blew you.

[CrudeHypothesis]

I had violent diarrhea, see these photos?

[Sprelious]

Our system is flawed and I can not and will not acknowledge it.

[IronSulfide]

Everyone is guilty of something. Can't you just send this guy to the chair on your own and leave me out of it?

[CrudeHypothesis]

Your honor, what is justice? If you force me to attend against my will, are you no better than that accused rapist?

[IronSulfide]

Juror #8 keeps trying to touch me inappropriately.

[CrudeHypothesis]

Because all the jurors have been abducted by the body snatchers, and replaced with exact duplicates where half of them always tell a lie, and the other half always tell the truth, but we don't know which ones are which!

[Reizu]

My pet lion escaped from his enclosure.

[Sprelious]

I have to walk three miles in three feet of snow uphill both ways

[IronSulfide]

I'm a sadist. Do you really want to give me the opportunity to punish someone?

[Reizu]

The Chinese restaurant downstairs got my dog...

[IronSulfide]

I had a batch of cookies in the oven.

[CrudeHypothesis]

you kick my dog!

[IronSulfide]

The court didn't have valet parking.

[CrudeHypothesis]

I was on the way to court, but then I saw a car drive by.
Looking at its rear window I could see an entire family.
They looked white, malnurished and retarded.
Then blood shot out of my nose.
The last thing I remember thinking before I slipped into a coma, was "why would anyone purchase those stupid stick figure family stickers?"

[Reizu]

I accidentally ran over the neighbor's autistic kid.

[venuspop]

I had to listen to GD's erotic stories.

[Sprelious]

I got an offer I couldn't refuse.

[IronSulfide]

I got locked in a bank vault.

[CrudeHypothesis]

Me: I was on the way to court when I tripped over an honest lawyer.

Judge: But they don't exi...

[Sprelious]

I had to polish my Bobble Head.

[jkatra]

I have transcended the need to participate in society.

[IronSulfide]

But I did show up for jury duty. You must have amnesia.

[CrudeHypothesis]

Because you'll pay me for my service, but you'll pay me in the american dollar, which is legal tender and backed by nothing, and is essentially a fiat currency which is unconstitutional.

[Dru]

i just cut off my own ear. gosh, what are the odds of that.

[CrudeHypothesis]

I got ass-raped by a politicial, he used a pen.

[CrudeHypothesis]

That's a metaphor, it means he signed a bill that is screwing all of us.

[Reizu]

I ate a pair of colorful magnets and now they are slowly tearing apart my internal organs.

[CrudeHypothesis]

After watching K-ON! I was afraid to go outside because I might be a To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

[CrudeHypothesis]

Update, I missed jury duty again, then the chick tells me it's not compulsory for me because I'm a student.

[ModernLit]

i'm a vampire and i can't go out during daylight hours.

[CrudeHypothesis]

I was "wired in"

[Shahira]

I look much better at home and not in other places.

[CrudeHypothesis]

It was Caturday