Wanting a emotional partner

[slask]

So, I alwasy thought I was looking for another intellectual. I value intellect, reason and the ability to reflect objectively above most other traits.

Then, now recently I met my first, real INFX. She is the most vulnerable, complex and fragile creature I know, the exact opposite of what I value in myself. Still she opened my eyes to the possibility of a emotional partner.

I come from a background with mostly F-females. My mother and two sisters are all deeply based on feeling witch for me is quite a challenge sometimes, but I think I can handle it fine after having done a huge ammount of research in understanding the mechanics behind their behaviour.

But that doesnt give me answers on WHY I'm attracted to these persons made of crystal glass, the ones I have the power to crush completely if I really wanted to. The ones that really have no possibility what-so-ever to understand how my mind work.

Still I feel strong when I'm around them, watching them having trouble with all the things I easily overcome. They kind of make me take responsibility in guiding them through all these problems they face, in that sense they make me stronger and give me plenty of problems to solve, all the time.

Still, I feel cursed. Cheated from the intellectual I always presumed would be there "waiting for me." Why do I against all logic seem to like the very persons I want to avoid?

Damn you "moody bitches"! :/

[ssrprotege]

It's your emotions. It's your feelings. This sounds quite cliché, but should emotions logically make sense? If it is inexplicable, why not just embracing it?

You may say you prefer F types; this is your preference, which can be determined by logical justifications. Well, I like NF types because of their intellect, ability to inspire, empathy and understanding attitude. But that is different from emotions that I love someone with the NF preferences. Do you see the distinctions?

[curiousjane]

I'm NF and I constantly am confusing my friends (most of whom I haven't tried to type ... I will, for the sake of argument, assume SJ types), because they think I'm so "smart". It never dawns on me that I'm smarter than them, though. But it ALWAYS amazes me that something that is so obvious to me is shrouded in mystery to them. Perhaps it is my ability to see the big picture, I don't know. But my point is that intelligence is out there among the "feelers" of the world. You might not recognize it at once, but it is there.

I think I grasp a lot of the more esoteric elements of "intellectualism", and can identify with it because I appreciate depth of thought and connections of idea. However, am I a true "intellectual"? Who knows. Probably not.

That being said, I admire those who have buckets of common sense and charm and can easily maneuver their way through organizations and life in general. Sometimes, those grounded in the down-to-earth have a better idea of what is REALLY going on than those of us with our minds preoccupied elsewhere.

But yes, you NT types are capable of crushing us in ways no other type can. Because you can hit our core. I hope you take the responsibility to protect us from this seriously. Because I believe strongly that we are also one of your best complements.

This is a really random answer, I know. Perhaps I'll come back to it later. I have to sign off now.

[hauteur]

But yes, you NT types are capable of crushing us in ways no other type can. Because you can hit our core. I hope you take the responsibility to protect us from this seriously. Because I believe strongly that we are also one of your best complements.

CJ, are you saying that from an NF perspective or just from an F perspective? I'm asking because I don't know that I know how to hit "your core," speaking generally, of course. And, if I don't know how to hit your core then I don't know how to not hit it or to protect you from it as you put it.

This may sound silly, but I have, at different points, reduced some people to tears in a matter of seconds and have been left standing there dumbfounded, not knowing what I did to elicit such a reaction. This hasn't happened for many years, but that doesn't mean that my understanding of it is any better than it was. I've just learned how to interact with people without being an NT arse. More or less.

At any rate, I would be very interested to see you elaborate a bit on that paragraph. What is it about us that can so easily (even if unintentionally) hit the core of an NF or even an F.

Correction: My wife read this and informed me that I do it more than I think I do. Wow. Need I say more about why I'm asking the question?

[eli]

More than your need to have someone to protect, perhaps you have a need to open up to your emotions and are unconsciously looking for a partner to do that.

[athenian200]

So, I alwasy thought I was looking for another intellectual. I value intellect, reason and the ability to reflect objectively above most other traits.

Then, now recently I met my first, real INFX. She is the most vulnerable, complex and fragile creature I know, the exact opposite of what I value in myself. Still she opened my eyes to the possibility of a emotional partner.

I come from a background with mostly F-females. My mother and two sisters are all deeply based on feeling witch for me is quite a challenge sometimes, but I think I can handle it fine after having done a huge ammount of research in understanding the mechanics behind their behaviour.

But that doesnt give me answers on WHY I'm attracted to these persons made of crystal glass, the ones I have the power to crush completely if I really wanted to. The ones that really have no possibility what-so-ever to understand how my mind work.

Still I feel strong when I'm around them, watching them having trouble with all the things I easily overcome. They kind of make me take responsibility in guiding them through all these problems they face, in that sense they make me stronger and give me plenty of problems to solve, all the time.

Still, I feel cursed. Cheated from the intellectual I always presumed would be there "waiting for me." Why do I against all logic seem to like the very persons I want to avoid?

Damn you "moody bitches"! :/

Perhaps there isn't as much of a difference as you think... I mean, if you're an INTJ, your inner world is Ni-Fi on some level, right? So perhaps you're (unconsciously) looking for someone who you can open up to about things that you wouldn't show to anyone else? In a very real sense, you have NF qualities in yourself on some level, even if they're buried.

If you do end up caring about an INFx, though... it doesn't mean you'll definitely have no intellectual depth. It means you may be prodded about your emotions a lot, and you may have to work a little harder to explain things to them, and get them to think clearly... but that doesn't mean that the intellect isn't still there, with intact curiosity and creativity that you may find quite insightful at times. It just likely takes them longer to feel comfortable sharing their thoughts without worrying about being judged personally for them.

I think your sense of "vulnerability" in NF's is projection on your part. You assume NF's are vulnerable because they show so much emotion and react so strongly to things. You see your emotions as a weakness in yourself, and thus as a weakness in them as well. But the truth is, emotional expressions are the source of strength/confidence for an NF, not weakness. In other words, emotions are your weakness, not ours.

The idea that you can shatter them like glass is an illusion. Yes, you can hurt NF's easily, but that doesn't mean you can really break them like you think. In fact, it's quite the other way around. NF's look like they can be hurt easily, and at the surface this is so. But once you break that surface, you'll find that that the substructure is stronger than yours. Your NT strength is not what you think either. You may not be hurt easily at first due to your armor, but if something does pierce your armor, it falls away leaving little besides vulnerable flesh. I know that I have hurt NT's who have incensed me enough far more than they could ever hope to hurt me, left them in emotional torment and disarray for weeks. I'm not proud of it, but I fear I do not feel remorse for it as I should. They are quite vulnerable to being unconsciously possessed and confused by their own feelings due to their unawareness of how they are affected by them.

It's like this... NF's start off with emotional sensitivity on high, and slowly grow cold and numb as they take stress and damage. NT's start off cool and detached, and are slowly weakened to the point of experiencing their pain more sharply and intensely.

You may indeed be stronger than NF's in logic and the practical life, but know that you have your own weaknesses with your feelings that we would want to help you through as well. It is not as simple as you protecting them, it's far more mutual than that. You are also being aided, even if you don't know it.

Note that I can really only speak for INFJ's (or possibly only myself), though. INFP's may be quite different.

[imposter]

As an INFP personally almost nobody outside my inner circle can hurt me. Due to Fi I am way more careful around people and do not let people in due to the fact they can cause a great deal of pain. INTJ and INFP both have Fi. Fi is the strongest form of feeling, it is more closer to the subconscious of the person than Fe.

Just like in life if you find your strengths than you also find your weakness due that they are usually one in the same. As stated above NFs strengths are our desire to connect with people in a positive relationship (feelings), it can also be a weakness. The same way NT ability to make sound choices via logic.

I know many NF (self included) who is very intelligent. So you do not have to give up intelligent conversation for an emotional connection. It is a wonderful thing that this is a case you can have both.