Yo.

[Zard Lucifer]

Hey there, I'm a 23, male, asian and I'm an INTJ.

For fun I do writing (poetry, prose & fantasy mostly), painting, reading, a bit of photography and theater acting.
I'm also into music; I do a bit of singing and I'm practicing the guitar.

I'm a people person. I hang out with people almost all the time, so I freaked out when I found out that I was an INTJ.
It just didn't make sense - or so I thought. That kind of thinking made me take a plethora of exams, each only to end up with the same result.

It's been 3 years since then and I've figured out a lot of things.
Fortunately, this ended my identity crisis, I finally understood myself.

I find myself odd considering my MBTI personality, though I think everyone has there share of distinctions.

I'm fond of conversing with fellow INTJs, and so here I am.

[Max T]

It's been 3 years since then and I've figured out a lot of things.
Fortunately, this ended my identity crisis, I finally understood myself.

I find myself odd considering my MBTI personality, though I think everyone has there share of distinctions.

I'm fond of conversing with fellow INTJs, and so here I am.

Hi Zard and welcome to INTJ-world.

I was more of a people's person up to about 24 yrs, and then gradually slipped into a more comfortable, quieter INTJ self now at 30.
So when you say you've "figured out a lot of things... ended my identity crisis", I'd like to know what have you come to terms with?

[Zard Lucifer]

It's been 3 years since then and I've figured out a lot of things.
Fortunately, this ended my identity crisis, I finally understood myself.

I find myself odd considering my MBTI personality, though I think everyone has there share of distinctions.

I'm fond of conversing with fellow INTJs, and so here I am.

Hi Zard and welcome to INTJ-world.

I was more of a people's person up to about 24 yrs, and then gradually slipped into a more comfortable, quieter INTJ self now at 30. *
So when you say you've "figured out a lot of things... ended my identity crisis", I'd like to know what have you come to terms with?

Back in my teen years, I had different groups of friends, about more than 2/3rds of my school were composed of friends and acquaintances. I thought at first that it was just that, I was just the guy who made friends easily. Meanwhile at the back of my head i was brooding. Even if i was wrapped by the warmth of many hands, how come I still felt cold? How come I felt empty?
How come I felt like I didn't belong?

This became a problem. I TRIED to fit in. I thought of changing who I was. From being an obedient kid, I started to go up against authority, and even my family (which is a big deal for an asian community). I became agnostic, whereas my mother was a devout catholic and my father was a knight of the order of adoracion (of christ).
I probably spawned more than 20 versions of myself. I was lost.

I would put it, a lot of "dramatic" things would happen, which I save for another time.

Then came a slew of realizations. I didn't only make friends with people, I "collected" them.
I classsified and stereotyped people. (And still, I find this cold.)
Who was useless? Who was useful? And I was doing this subconsciously.
One way or another the most "useful" people ended up being those closest to me.
I manipulated people. I still do.
I contradict myself by believing that what I'm doing is wrong.
But then it could be the norms acting on me.

So I try to balance the way I "use" them and the benefits they get from me.

I probably ended up taking theater as a by product of trying to conjure who I was.

[Max T]

Without over extrapolating and going into pop psychology garbage...

I can relate with the desire to fit in- everyone else sees it as mandatory that we should be outgoing and warm in teenage years.

Yet our inner INTJ cannot help but overlay pragmatism and cold analysis on our friends, to the extent that we categorise. I don't categorise by "usefulness to me" but more by "function" of sport, business and family friends/ contacts.

I find intriguing the tendency for older INTJ's to gradually develop their Feeling side, thereby becoming more rounded people. You say "So I try to balance the way I "use" and the benefits they get from me" which suggests Feeling creeping in (or perhaps more INTJ's desire for fairness).

I think that volunteer work could increase Feeling development- see the thread here:
http://intjforum.com/YaBB.pl?num=1191126663


Refer to a thread on social relationships in general here:
http://intjforum.com/YaBB.pl?board=relationships

Welcome aboard!

[Zard Lucifer]

I find intriguing the tendency for older INTJ's to gradually develop their Feeling side, thereby becoming more rounded people. * You say "So I try to balance the way I "use" and the benefits they get from me" which suggests Feeling creeping in (or perhaps more INTJ's desire for fairness). *


As of the moment, I'm not sure which is which. But at least now I'm aware that there have been others or there are others going through the same thing.

Much thanks!

[Jezebel]

I can relate to a lot of the things you say about your relationships with people, unfortunately. The thing is I care enough about people to not want to use them, but in practice it's difficult to keep people close that aren't in some way useful or actively participating in my hobbies/projects with me.

And welcome to the forum!

[MichaelH]

I contradict myself by believing that what I'm doing is wrong.
But then it could be the norms acting on me.

You're probably right on this one! A lot of programmed-in social norms are broken. I've started asking, "why do I think that's wrong?" when I think I'm doing something "bad". The answer is usually, "someone else told me X is wrong". That someone else usually didn't have a good reason for that, and they certainly didn't have my needs in mind at the time.

INTJs can't follow other people's plans for their lives. INTJ needs - like privacy and rational justification - are not the same as most people's. Our actions are usually well-reasoned or have good causes behind them. Looking back, the things I thought were "wrong" were simply meeting needs I had at the time.

I can really relate to what posters are saying about "using" people. INTJs naturally see people in terms of what they can do and how they fit into our intuitive patterns. I have a hard time making friends socially because I'm not comfortable until I know how and why we fit together. I can get closer to some people I work with or, for example, my piano teachers, because there's a "why" to the relationship.

Oh, and welcome to the board! :)