I bet

[marysballoon]

that I am the only INFP in this forum. I'm here because I want to develop my T, and I'm tired of floating through life riding on a roller coaster of unreliable emotions. I'm also quite young (19) and am planning to go for an MFA in Creative Writing in the coming years.

Perhaps what motivated me to do this was a failed relationship with an INTJ male which was partially destroyed by my overwhelmingly emotional yet passive personality.

I also find the MBTI fascinating.

I don't know if I'll be posting that much for a while. I'm probably going to hover a lot.

[Jezebel]

Actually, you're the 2nd INFP, but I think we already scared the first one away. *:laugh:

No, really, we're a nice bunch (in our own way). *;)

Welcome to the forum!

[Firelie]

What an interesting reason to join an INTJ forum. I hope you gain the insight you desire.

[qwerty]

Hi and welcome.
This is extremely curious (kind of relates to someone in my own past) if it's not too personal can I ask if it was the intj ex who destroyed your emotional personality or was the end of the relationship that did it?

Did he just stop caring?

[Tarrick]

That's unfortunate that that happened to you, but welcome.

And I swear, we have cookies around here somewhere.

[HackerX]

And I swear, we have cookies around here somewhere.

I knew I joined this forum for a good reason

[marysballoon]

Hi and welcome.
This is extremely curious (kind of relates to someone in my own past) if it's not too personal can I ask if it was the intj ex who destroyed your emotional personality or was the end of the relationship that did it?

Did he just stop caring?

Hm, I don't really know. I think I psyched myself out in a way. "Destroyed your emotional personality" sounds a little extreme. (I said the relationship was destroyed BY the emotional drama and crap.) But I do believe that my infp fragility bothered him a lot and led to the end of the relationship. So it bothers me more that that was what did it than that we broke up at all.

Sorry about including all this personal stuff. I'm all done!

[qwerty]

It's cool about the personal stuff I love personal stuff. Sorry to keep digging but it relates so much to another INFP I knew. She would delve into herself and cut off from the world and I rationalised the only response was to mimic her with bad results :)
That and she would never open her mind (not personality but just didn't want to argue anything) and question what I would say or argue a point that it was clear that bothered her(I don't look for fights but people can be boring if they don't argue).

So she came off as a person who needed alot of alone time and she just wouldn't think or if she did she wouldn't try to prove anything.

[INTJohn]

Hi and welcome.
This is extremely curious (kind of relates to someone in my own past) if it's not too personal can I ask if it was the intj ex who destroyed your emotional personality or was the end of the relationship that did it?

Did he just stop caring?

Hm, I don't really know. I think I psyched myself out in a way. "Destroyed your emotional personality" sounds a little extreme. (I said the relationship was destroyed BY the emotional drama and crap.) But I do believe that my infp fragility bothered him a lot and led to the end of the relationship. So it bothers me more that that was what did it than that we broke up at all.

Sorry about including all this personal stuff. I'm all done!


I think you popped Marysballoon........

INTJohn

[marysballoon]

It's cool about the personal stuff I love personal stuff. Sorry to keep digging but it relates so much to another INFP I knew. She would delve into herself and cut off from the world and I rationalised the only response was to mimic her with bad results :)
That and she would never open her mind (not personality but just didn't want to argue anything) and question what I would say or argue a point that it was clear that bothered her(I don't look for fights but people can be boring if they don't argue).

So she came off as a person who needed alot of alone time and she just wouldn't think or if she did she wouldn't try to prove anything.

Holy crap that sounds like me. But I've realized that it annoys people if I don't share my opinion/views in a more outspoken way, and it makes me look stupid. I was always trapped in a "balloon" you might say, though I liked being off in the clouds. Better enter the real world, however distasteful it is.

[qwerty]

I think the point is that you shouldn't be forced to share your point of view to everyone, but if it's clear that this is happening and it's clear that the other person is annoyed then try if you want to keep them around.

Remember INTJ's do see multiple view points and if you're not sharing with them (and perhaps putting up a wall to them), then they will rationalize 100's of different scenarios until one fits (the one that fits isn't necessarily always the truth of the situation). It's our curse (to the outsider) that we must live with and I guess it helps that there are people like you that take an interest to see why we do what we do.

As for entering the real world... I agree, it's much better in the clouds and it's the reason I don't like wearing my glasses (so I can gloss over the scummy details of the world some days). Pick a path that suits you and live it completely.

[phoenix]

Remember INTJ's do see multiple view points and if you're not sharing with them (and perhaps putting up a wall to them), then they will rationalize 100's of different scenarios until one fits (the one that fits isn't necessarily always the truth of the situation). It's our curse (to the outsider) that we must live with and I guess it helps that there are people like you that take an interest to see why we do what we do.

Oh my. I do this all the time. And it ALWAYS gets me in trouble.

[marysballoon]

I think the point is that you shouldn't be forced to share your point of view to everyone, but if it's clear that this is happening and it's clear that the other person is annoyed then try if you want to keep them around.

Remember INTJ's do see multiple view points and if you're not sharing with them (and perhaps putting up a wall to them), then they will rationalize 100's of different scenarios until one fits (the one that fits isn't necessarily always the truth of the situation). It's our curse (to the outsider) that we must live with and I guess it helps that there are people like you that take an interest to see why we do what we do.

As for entering the real world... I agree, it's much better in the clouds and it's the reason I don't like wearing my glasses (so I can gloss over the scummy details of the world some days). Pick a path that suits you and live it completely.

Yeah, I find that infp people have a strong aversion to arguing maybe because they despise conflict or maybe because their thought process is extremely non-linear and often illogical. I don't really know why I find it so hard to focus during a debate. Maybe that's the problem. I drift off too easily and then start thinking about other things that are indirectly related, even if I'm actually interested. But yeah, it does bother people, especially T's.
So I've decided to try and change that for my own good. Doesn't hurt to sharpen the analytical mind.

Oh yeah, and another thing is, infp's are too nice. Yes, there is such a thing. Nice girls finish last.

[marysballoon]

Remember INTJ's do see multiple view points and if you're not sharing with them (and perhaps putting up a wall to them), then they will rationalize 100's of different scenarios until one fits (the one that fits isn't necessarily always the truth of the situation). It's our curse (to the outsider) that we must live with and I guess it helps that there are people like you that take an interest to see why we do what we do.

Oh my. I do this all the time. And it ALWAYS gets me in trouble.

I'm not sure if I know what this means. Do you guys just try to fit a viewpoint to someone who is not being vocal?

[phoenix]

Remember INTJ's do see multiple view points and if you're not sharing with them (and perhaps putting up a wall to them), then they will rationalize 100's of different scenarios until one fits (the one that fits isn't necessarily always the truth of the situation). It's our curse (to the outsider) that we must live with and I guess it helps that there are people like you that take an interest to see why we do what we do.

Oh my. I do this all the time. And it ALWAYS gets me in trouble.

I'm not sure if I know what this means. Do you guys just try to fit a viewpoint to someone who is not being vocal?

No, it's more like this...at least for me:

- Person I care about is obviously unhappy/upset/angry/etc.
- I ask for her to communicate and get told that she can't talk right now, she's too unhappy/upset/angry/etc.
- I give her her space as she requests and wait for her to decide to be more communicative
- In the meantime my head runs through the last few weeks trying to identify what happened that has caused this reaction. I go through every word I can remember saying, what I might have done, how I could possibly upset/angered her.
- I finally settle on the likely culprit, that I wasn't _____ enough when doing ____ and now she's mad.
- Three hours/two days/several weeks later I find out that she got a call from daughter/mother/boss that upset her. It had nothing to do with me, and I've been walking on eggshells and overdoing housework for three hours/two days/several weeks for no good reason at all.

And she's wondering why I'm acting so weird.

[Guido]

Yeah... the more stressful a situation, the worse it gets. My brain will crunch through thousands of variables, constantly trying to 'solve' the current situation or assign rough probabilities to potential solutions. The more stress, the more variables I add... which just runs my brains into the ground. I'm just going to take a stab in the dark here, but I'll bet you noticed this guy looking or acting like he was ignoring you or not paying attention in general. That's his brain going into 'omg help' mode where he's trying to calculate what the best thing for him to do at a given moment is. This is a highly useful ability for the most part, as it generally leads to very well thought out decisions. However, this screws us over pretty badly with relationships as things often need to be 'felt' out rather than thought out. So... yes we do our best to fit view points to everyone we can.

Not liking debating makes sense. The two INFPs I know don't like to do it because their brains aren't geared that way, and they often take arguments that hit a little too close to home personally. As for being more 'T', I don't know what to say. The best advice I can give you would be the same advice I try and shove down the throat of an INFP friend I have:

"You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life."
-Winston Churchill

[qwerty]

:) I think the others summed up the viewpoint thing. I can think much better by covering all of my possible angles.

But as I say it comes off as a curse to the person we are concentrating on. They will either see the thought process or they won't regardless of which it becomes frustrating for us because it seems like the effort and energy we pour into the situation is wasted because the other person can't appreciate it or it sometimes comes out like the friendship or relationship is a one way street. I guess it sounds creepy that someone can dedicate so much thought process to an idea but literally it's how we approach every problem (not just personal stuff).

So I guess if it's conciliation you probably not the only one who felt bad about the situation and he only got angry because he couldn't understand. That was my problem - I was so used to only reading the main personality types that she was an enigma to my understanding of people.

It took me a while to work her out I had a chat to her and now we get along but there is still friction here and there.

[rwyatt365]

Yeah... the more stressful a situation, the worse it gets. My brain will crunch through thousands of variables, constantly trying to 'solve' the current situation or assign rough probabilities to potential solutions. The more stress, the more variables I add... which just runs my brains into the ground. I'm just going to take a stab in the dark here, but I'll bet you noticed this guy looking or acting like he was ignoring you or not paying attention in general. That's his brain going into 'omg help' mode where he's trying to calculate what the best thing for him to do at a given moment is. This is a highly useful ability for the most part, as it generally leads to very well thought out decisions. However, this screws us over pretty badly with relationships as things often need to be 'felt' out rather than thought out. So... yes we do our best to fit view points to everyone we can.
Excellent analysis Guido! :thumbsup:
I find myself in this state far too often.