Music Critics? I'm working on some of my own material

[Snuggles]

Hey all,

I started writing music again after a 2 year hiatus. I was wondering if some fellow INTJ's could help me out and let me know what they think.

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It's instrumental, so don't worry about bad emo lyrics, haha.

Thanks for taking the time to listen.

[redbaren]

Wow did you play all of that or is some one with you? Its great, all i can say it needs is a great singer and you should be good to go.

[ElstonGunn]

"Escaped" reminded me of a scene in a non-existent movie where a guy with a lot on his mind is walking around a city at night. Parts of it sounded like traffic and train noises to me. Like the pinging on the ride cymbal's bell around the three-and-half minute mark (on the backwards timer) sounded like a train bell. Some of the guitars sounded like train whistles to me. I liked it.

"Win" seemed very Pink Floyd-esque to me, like it could be dropped onto Meddle seamlessly (I don't know if you're a fan of them, though). It didn't have much in the way of a hook, but not every song has to, unless you're trying to get it played on the radio or at sporting events. From my point of view, it was more of a musical exploration kind of thing than a straight up pop song.

[Fridays Child]

I also liked it.

Let us know when you're ready for some bad emo lyrics... I'm sure we could help you out there, too.

[Claptonian]

My only critique of "If Only We Could Have Escaped Sooner" is that the title seems to follow the Panic at the Disco philosophy of being unnecessarily long. ;) The music's great, though. Very Doors-esque.

I'm curious what kind of guitar you recorded with. Sounds like P-90 pickups, which I have a soft spot for.

[Snuggles]

Thanks for the replies, I really appreciate the comments (especially ElstonGunn... it sounds like you can describe ME through my music, haha).

Yes, I play everything on these... I write the drum lines, but they are recorded through a program called 'guitar pro.'

As for lyrics... I have no intention on ever adding lyrics, not part of the style I'm writing towards. If you feel motivated however, and would like to write lyrics or something to the tunes and send them over (or record them!) go for it, I'd love to hear it.

As for the pick-ups... which song? The "In the end you always win" was written and played using my friend's cousin's Fender Squire, haha. No idea what the pick-ups are. The "If only we could have escaped sooner" was written on the squire, but re-recorded with a Fender Cyclone I purchased on Saturday that has Jaguar pick-ups (what are P-90s?)

Again, Thanks, Glad you enjoy it. I'm working on getting a few more recorded right now.

[Claptonian]

The "If only we could have escaped sooner" was written on the squire, but re-recorded with a Fender Cyclone I purchased on Saturday that has Jaguar pick-ups (what are P-90s?)



Ah. Nice tone.

P-90's are Gibson's main single-coil pickup. A lot beefier than typical single-coils, though.

[arulguna]

I agree with the Baron, a strong vocalist with some range would be great!

[Flamethrower]

Cool. I like the way it's experimental. I like "Win" the best. (Actually I listened to it quite a number of times!)

If I was recording these there's one thing I would do differently. On the last track (Win) there is a great section from the middle to the end with stereo effects. I think this suits the style of the music in general. I would create more layers musically (more texture) and pan the tracks around a lot and make a big contrast between wet and dry tracks. So a lot more detail. The best recording I can think of like this is Dark Side of the Moon. You sound like you are using a 4-track though. Are you? (I greedily have 96 tracks so ignore me if you are!) An example of what I mean is this instrumental track (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.). I counted at least 21 different parts to this. It's a bit hard to hear on YouTube but on the original they sound really cool. This thing doesn't have a particularly strong hook to it but it has a good structure that sort of makes you wonder what is coming up next.

If you are recording more stuff I will definitely listen to it. Well you are in my favourites now so you have to write more stuff!!!!!



It reminds me a bit of Floyd as well. Hence my remarks above.

[quote=arulguna;146031]I agree with the Baron, a strong vocalist with some range would be great!

Perhaps female vocals without lyrics if any. Are you thinking Great Gig in the Sky type vocals? :p But I also think guitars can do the same job.

[kasbekz]

good stuff. i like it a lot. i'd just say turn down the volume on the lead line, add a little variation to the lead line, adjust the position of the mic on that symbol (ride?) and to it in a more insulated room, and make sure whatever is playing the chords (on the lap top speakers i couldn't make out weather it's a guitar or a piano) is in good tune.

and i'm speaking just of the first track

[johnnyz86]

Hey all,Hello!

I started writing music againOh cool I've always wanted to write music and I love critiquing. after a 2 year hiatus.Well at least you have actually gone through with it! I was wonderingOh of course I would love to give my impressions if some fellow INTJ's Oh. :( /leaves

[kasbekz]

i like the second track a lot too. in regard to your lead lines, i'd like to quote curt kobain: "the breaks between notes are just as important as the notes themselves"

nothing to critique about the third one!

[replicant]

Not too bad. I like instrumental. Have you ever heard of God Is An Astronaut? I can see some similarities. Keep going with it. :)

[phantasma]

I think your music has some great potential, so I feel like giving each song an individual critique.

But Only For An Hour...

I think this one is a great starting point, and has great ambience, considering your limitations going solo on this song. Anything I say from this point is not meant to be mean, just telling you how much farther it could go. Overall, the song needs more variation and contrast. The chord progression was very repetitive. A few transitions would have made all the difference. Also, the dynamics were very lukewarm. Without changing the actual volume on the amp, you can pick it in different ways. Inserting some stacatto and legato passages would be fascinating, as well as attacking the strings with varying pressure. Also, the effects you inserted at different points in the song sounded really half hearted. This is probably because all the effects are on the amp. This would all be best done on effects pedals. I understand money is an issue, but just a suggestion. Also, it sounds like this song needs a band. Just a basic drummer, bassist, and singer would do the trick. I'm not saying this just because it's instrumental. When you go solo, you have to take center stage with your music, and it doesn't really do that. Nor does it sound like you intend to. Even with just you on the guitar, I can immerse myself in the song. Adding a band would only amplify that effect.

If Only We Could Have Escaped Sooner

Very Pink Floyd-esque. I like it. Also, check out Porcupine Tree. I think you'd really like it.
So far as the chord progression goes, I think it would be helped with a touch of diminished chords here and there. Also, I think a few pauses would have been interesting. And harmonics (pinch harmonics sound really cool played clean, as do natural harmonics) would be a great touch. Unlike the first song, I think this one is best off instrumental. Also, you might want to experiment with the miking a bit. At first, the drums were too loud and blunt, and then the lead guitar overtook everything else (in a not-so-good way). It would also be cool if you could put some dialogue recordings in the background.

And In the End You Always Win

Sounds even more developed than the first two. I think it would be better suited with acoustic strumming in the background at the beginning. Also, I think you could elaborate with the bass, perhaps some heart-thumping eargasmic bass lines a la Tool. (check out Sober (Undertow) and just focus on the bass and see how it could apply some more interesting rhythms and dynamics to the song. I understand that you want the song to be slow, but there's still something to be done with the bass and drums while the guitar is creating ambience. Another thing you could try is giving the song a definitive melody using the bass, like Geddy Lee does for Rush.

Overall, step up the dynamics, and keep up the great work! :)

[Flamethrower]

Hey Snuggles,

Some people have written some interesting comments here but I'm interested, how did you record these tracks and what are your intentions with them?

[Snuggles]

Wow! Thanks all of you for commenting, much appreciated, really. I thought this topic had died and was buried, but I randomly checked the forums at work today and saw I had a lot of stuff I need to address. I'll get through them in order.

...but first. Thanks for the comparison to Pink Floyd, I've never really listened to them though. All I know is the track 'Money' haha.

You sound like you are using a 4-track though. Are you? (I greedily have 96 tracks so ignore me if you are!)

Do you mean how many parts there are, or my recording equipment? If you mean recording equipment, I use this: To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. and Audacity. If you mean how many parts are in the song, I have:

(1) Bass
(2) Drums
(3) Rhythm
(4) Scratching
(5) Arpeggio
(6) Noise

I tried to set it up so that the Scratching guitar would sound like it also produces the noise part... you know, make something possible for a live performance, not just a recording.

i'd just say turn down the volume on the lead line, add a little variation to the lead line, adjust the position of the mic on that symbol (ride?) and to it in a more insulated room, and make sure whatever is playing the chords (on the lap top speakers i couldn't make out weather it's a guitar or a piano) is in good tune.

You are very right. The Guitar (haha) at the end does sound a bit out of tune, probably since it was a whammy bar virgin. I'll have to touch that up. The lead is a bit loud, but I need to work on my mixing skills. Nice Advice.

Have you ever heard of God Is An Astronaut?

Yes! This made me smile, that's sort of the genre I'm shooting for. I kind of want to make it my own instead of sound like the thousand other bands in it, haha.

(But Only for an hour) The chord progression was very repetitive. the effects you inserted at different points in the song sounded really half hearted. This is probably because all the effects are on the amp. This would all be best done on effects pedals. I understand money is an issue, but just a suggestion. Also, it sounds like this song needs a band

I purposely chose a repetitive chord progression without cadences. The song isn't finished, that's only the first half. I have the whole thing written out, but not recorded. I'll let you guys know when I make more progress on it.

The effects are effect pedals :-/... I don't have a guitar amp, I plug into my recording equipment and use my speakers as my amp.

A band... more on that later.

(If only we could have escaped sooner)Also, you might want to experiment with the miking a bit. At first, the drums were too loud and blunt, and then the lead guitar overtook everything else (in a not-so-good way). It would also be cool if you could put some dialogue recordings in the background

The drums are just the fault of myself not lowering the drums. I don't have a drum set, I basically type the beat into a program, export as a wav, then place it in audacity. This whole song just has bad mixing, haha. I've been meaning to try experimenting with adding in dialog and what not, but I'm afraid to step on the feet of my influences. It's worth a shot though, this song needs something else to take it to the next level.

(and in the end you always win) I think it would be better suited with acoustic strumming in the background at the beginning. Also, I think you could elaborate with the bass, perhaps some heart-thumping eargasmic bass lines a la Tool.

I wish I had an acoustic guitar to add to this music. Well... I do... but it sounds like absolute butt. i really like the way acoustic has a fuller tone, it adds so much to a song and sounds really cool with electric instruments. As for the bass... the way I have it is the way I like it, kind of makes the song... I could, however, try at the end where the noise comes in to expound upon the bassline, but I don't want to lose its somber, creeping, dreary effect.

Some people have written some interesting comments here but I'm interested, how did you record these tracks and what are your intentions with them?

Yes they have, great comments, thanks again!

As for my intentions... tentatively, here is the plan.

I want to get at least 10 good solid tracks written and recorded. After that, I want to see if I can gather some musicians together, possibly do some live shows. I'd also like to put a CD out. It has kind of been my dream to get all of these things together.

I'm not in a good area for music, so It could be very difficult to find people to play with, especially that want to play this style. I think it would be kind of lame to have me up there by myself with a recording playing selective parts, but if that's what I have to do, I may try it.

Also... I'm posting a new VERY ROUGH track up (called 'Don't give up yet'), so go ahead and take a listen if you'd like. I'm also updating "...but only for an hour"... but it's still only the first half of the song.

Thanks again, take care.

[Flamethrower]

...but first. Thanks for the comparison to Pink Floyd, I've never really listened to them though. All I know is the track 'Money' haha.

Listen to "Live in Pompeii" DVD and see what you think of it. This has some nice simply put experimental ideas in it. In fact here is a link (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.) to one of the songs in the concert. Someone made a comment actually about your song riffs being too repetitive or something but I don't think that necessarily matters so long as it makes sense. This particular Floyd song is the same. There's no hook line or vocals and there isn't a lot going on but it is a really popular track.

Do you mean how many parts there are, or my recording equipment?

Both. I used to write song demos on an old 4 track and I could squeeze 10 different parts on there with careful planning. Your recordings reminded me of this so I was just wondering. Sounds like you are still adding ideas though.

Looking forward to hearing more!