Flirting

[nebulastar0218]

Is it typical for INTJ's to flirt without realizing it? All my friends tell me that I was obviously flirting with another friend, when I didn't realize until afterward that perhaps my behavior was a bit flirtatious. Then again, I doubt I ever flirted before.

[Seppuku Savant]

Do INTJs flirt? Do INTJs joke? No way. *insert sarcasm* Maybe sometimes, but probably not often. ^_^

[Neuro]

I find flirting exceedingly difficult. Too much bullshitting/acting.

[seoa]

All my friends tell me that I was obviously flirting with another friend, when I didn't realize until afterward that perhaps my behavior was a bit flirtatious.
without knowing the specific behaviour they're commenting on, it's kinda hard to tell... but if you accept that flirting is mostly about making the other person feel (a) good about you, mostly through (b) making them feel good about themselves - then this would be achieved if they were talking about something that you happened to find particularly interesting (so long as you weren't then boring about it - there would have to be some smiling, laughing, maybe even joking as part of this interesting conversation).

but the "famous" intj-gaze certainly helps with giving the impression of flirting... coz more-than-average eye contact is a reasonably standard flirting-identifier within the average population.

you have to remember though, that often friends get kinda eager to matchmake their single mates - either coz they're all paired up & they want the same (patronising) happiness for you, or coz they're not in a position to date (coz they're married, or socially inept, or something) so they want to experience it by proxy via you.

in which case, they'll try & persuade you that flirting is going on, coz they're kinda desperate for it to exist.... doesn't mean squat :)

[Lynne]

The same thing has happened to me. Where I thought I was simply enjoying a conversation, I was told that I was flirting. But that was mostly by a jealous ex.

The few times in my life where I have tried to flirt have just seemed inwardly silly. When someone has been inappropriate or intrusive to me, I have taken polls to make sure. Did I do anything to invite that? I certainly didn't think so, and most people concur.

[SShack]

The same thing has happened to me. Where I thought I was simply enjoying a conversation, I was told that I was flirting. But that was mostly by a jealous ex.

I think for NT's, having an enjoyable conversation with somebody is the equivalent of flirting.

[Lynne]

"but the "famous" intj-gaze certainly helps with giving the impression of flirting... coz more-than-average eye contact is a reasonably standard flirting-identifier within the average population."

Very true. When I am engaged in a conversation, I make more than average eye contact. Great response.

[Elfrun]

Is it typical for INTJ's to flirt without realizing it? All my friends tell me that I was obviously flirting with another friend, when I didn't realize until afterward that perhaps my behavior was a bit flirtatious. Then again, I doubt I ever flirted before.

I do this all the time and usually without realising because I'm not actually trying to flirt I'm just being nice, it's landed me in trouble a few times with guys thinking I was interested in them rather then just trying to be kind. Damn with the problems it's caused me I should have learnt to be a bitch by now, it would mean less drama.

[jikin]

I've been told that I come across as being a flirt when I go into sarcastic mode ( I tend not to be cruel with it). Apparently I can come across as being a tease.

I do this all the time and usually without realising because I'm not actually trying to flirt I'm just being nice, it's landed me in trouble a few times with guys thinking I was interested in them rather then just trying to be kind. Damn with the problems it's caused me I should have learnt to be a bitch by now, it would mean less drama.

Ugh, that happens with me too. I suppose it is the punishment for being a "nice person".

Sadly, the occasional time that I try to flirt it always falls flat. It just doesn't come naturally at all so forcing it is always akward. I can't even do that "famous" INTJ-gaze that seoa mentioned because I hate sustained eye contact.

[Deadgod]

People always tell me I'm doing in something when I know I didn't do something. They think I would be flirting when I wasn't. The world just hates INTs.
They always think we are up to something (and so what if we are?).
I read up on the body language involved in flirting and I guess this is what gives the impression of flirtation, if we consider our awkward sense of body language; in other words, anything we do can be misinterpreted as flirting. But thankfully, we're introverts. These experiences are rare and our introversion keeps us from ever forming relationships that shouldn't be and keeps things in proper perspective.
If anyone misinterprets what you do as flirtation, let it go. They'll understand later when you're not talking to said person anymore and you're still playing computer games and writing programs 3 weeks later.

[Nostalgia]

Generally I am a pretty nice and funny guy on the surface, so with this, some people automatically assumed that they are somehow special to me and I am being flirtatious with them….WRONG! if I think you are special, then I tell you so, not just make silly jokes with you. Of course, once in a blue moon, when I actually tell someone that I think they are special, they usually end up assuming I say or do this quite often with other women, and I am some kind of player….. HA!

[curiousjane]

Sarcasm can always be used as "safe" flirting, as can teasing, eye contact, and joking around. In many ways, flirting is simply a little extra attention to one person in particular. You don't really have to do anything specific. That's why introverts in a good mood can come across as flirting when they don't realize it.

I never considered myself a good flirt (I don't make a lot of body contact, flirtatious glances, uber-feminine "moves"), but I've been told that I'm actually pretty good at flirting when I go into silly/teasing mode. The thing is, it is usually unintentional on my part. Maybe that's the key? Be yourself?

I do admit to making an effort to reaching out to a guy I have an interest in through questions about his interests, intentional eye-contact, light sideways glances, touching his upper arm to emphasize a point, etc.

But flirting is often as easy as just lighthearted teasing and seeking the other person out.

Check out the other thread on flirting (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.) for more info.

[Saint]

Sarcasm can always be used as "safe" flirting, as can teasing, eye contact, and joking around. In many ways, flirting is simply a little extra attention to one person in particular. You don't really have to do anything specific. That's why introverts in a good mood can come across as flirting when they don't realize it.

my thoughts exactly.

[Deadgod]

It seems that females enjoy flirting, even amongst friends. they love when guys talk to them and "flirt" with them, but as long as it doesn't lead to anything, then it's fine. Maybe people take the motives of people too seriously?
And curiousjane, you're right on the whole thread issue. People should check if the thread already exists before starting a new topic.

[iuniperus]

Eh, I've never thought or seen the INTJ to be the flirting type. It's just so unnatural for them. If they do try, they're horribly bad at it. Though this is just from my observation of the INTJs in my life- I could be wrong.

INTJs make up for this with their intensity. They can't be bothered with silly, trivial things such as flirting.

I don't know how I am flirting-wise. I'm usually oblivious to how I come across to other people. I suspect I'm not to hot at it though. :p

[Neuro]

Agh since when is eye contact, honest conversation and dry sarcasm flirting? These 3rd party commentators don't know what they're talking about, perhaps?

[TheReal]

I've been told that I come across as being a flirt when I go into sarcastic mode ( I tend not to be cruel with it). Apparently I can come across as being a tease.

Sadly, the occasional time that I try to flirt it always falls flat. It just doesn't come naturally at all so forcing it is always akward. I can't even do that "famous" INTJ-gaze that seoa mentioned because I hate sustained eye contact.

Same thing here, except I'm a guy. I realized I have pretty much no female friends. As soon as I start talking to a girl I think it comes off as flirting, but I'm just trying to be friendly. And she will start to think I'm romantically interested. she'll start to call me 'baby' or start throwing me hints. then i don't know what to do, and i don't know how to tell her that I'm not interested romantically without hurting her. So I block off all forms of communication with them. Until they get bored of me and forget about me.

[curiousjane]

Unfortunately, "just being friendly" only works when everyone's expectations are "friends only ... ever".

That's why we can laugh and joke and tease and yes, even *gasp* FLIRT here on the forum with our forum friends. In real life, it's trickier. You have to be careful.

[Deadgod]

Agh since when is eye contact, honest conversation and dry sarcasm flirting? These 3rd party commentators don't know what they're talking about, perhaps?

I'm with you. It seems they are also part of the same group of people who suck up to Hallmark and sell stupid Valentine's Day cards.

[ElstonGunn]

Is it typical for INTJ's to flirt without realizing it? All my friends tell me that I was obviously flirting with another friend, when I didn't realize until afterward that perhaps my behavior was a bit flirtatious. Then again, I doubt I ever flirted before.

So who's in a better position to know what you were thinking and doing-- you or your chowderhead friends? I don't really know what qualifies as flirtation, or who decides what kind of actions qualify as flirting, but I have a very hard time picturing someone who flirts accidentally without realizing it. It's something that I have to force myself to do, and even then, I usually don't do it.

[Sara27]

Flirting is difficult for me. I'm also pretty oblivious when someone is flirting with me. Sometimes I find out after being told or it dawns on me latter - poor guys. It's not intentional.

[PortInStorm]

I never flirt unless I sense an ENTPish challenge. There has to be intelligence and a sense of skilled opposition for me to flirt, then it's almost instinctual. I smile, one eyebrow goes up, I stand up straighter, cross my arms and start/respond to the sparring. I'm engaged and animated. That's my only flirtation and damn if someone's going to rob me of it, citing inappropriateness! I get little enough of it as it is....

[novastar]

when I talk to any girl, if I make any kind of eye contact I get the feeling that think I'm flirting with them, so I usually don't make that much eye contact

[Homini Lupus]

If I'm familiar with a woman an I like her enough (generally without second intentions), I can be a bit ambiguous, but I'm not sure how this can be perceived by a person with normal standards (I have the standards of a strongly intraverted person after all). This may just be a perspective problem since just a few years ago I wold have probably not talked to a woman without a very good reason to do so.

[m00n1]

Up until a few years ago, I had never flirted in my life (I'm in my 30s). Due to some life changes, I thought, hmmm, maybe it's a skill I'm missing. So I decided to teach myself. I'm not talking PUA stuff here, I'm talking just normal flirting. I started off by complimenting pretty girls working in shops (easy targets). "You have nice hair", or something like that. Yeah, not exactly hard core flirting, but I found it SOOO hard to do (and chickened out more often than I did it). I won't say it got easy with time, but it did get easier.

However, despite the nerves, etc, I found I generally got a very positive response, and it definitely got their attention. Apparently a little flattery does go a long way! I've had one or two opportunities since then to do "proper" flirting, and I found that I'm actually fairly good at it. And even more interesting, it's fun. Really fun!

I don't do anything about it, but it's still fun to do.

Winks at Sara27. So, how YOU doin?

[Motor Jax]

i flirt any chance i get, intentionally... i once almost had a telemarketers number and address...

[Kisai]

Casual flirting it no problem, but extended flirting means I have to flip into 'extroverted' mode, which is annoying.

[Eric86]

eh, I don't really think about what's considered flirting or not....I think the fact that it's so very obvious that I care about them might be considered flirting by outside people (in addition to my naturally near-constant eye contact), but I don't mind that because I'm just being myself and being honest, and I wouldn't want to be any other way, though I do get teased about it a lot.

[JadeBlue]

'Casual flirting it no problem, but extended flirting means I have to flip into 'extroverted' mode, which is annoying.'

Here, here.

After being accused of flirting more often than not, I actually looked up the popular by-laws of the matter and found that I'd rather eat glass than put up a concerted effort, but nonetheless, when and if I suddenly 'discover' by pure accident that I am flirting - then it's all over.

[Sean O]

I definitely flirt without realizing it immediately. However, it tends to only happen when there seems to be some degree of mutual attraction, so it's usually not a big deal (and often a good thing ;)).

I can definitely understand people mistakenly thinking that INTJs are flirting when we're actually just making conversation, since we tend to give relatively undivided attention to the people we talk with and prefer to talk about deeper subjects.

[mkay]

The idea of my INTJ flirting makes me laugh. He couldn't flirt to save his life. I was a good flirt before I got married. Flirting can be a lot of fun. But it's like playing tennis; not much fun unless you have a partner who knows what he's doing.

[iMiki]

I don't know if I flirt or not. Is smiling and laughing too much with the person I like considered flirting? :huh:

[blckprljinju]

i've actually never flirted (successfully) in my opinion. i don't know how to do it, but my friends have commented that my MO is fliration or something... -_-;;; such comments have often caught me unaware and shocked me... so they stay with me to think about it for a long time.

i actually don't make a lot of eye contact... it seems they mistake for "interest". i've had guys who i've never even given a clue as to "i like you" come up and ask me for a date... which on my part was confusing as well. I guess it's because when I do make eye contact, I don't really look away a lot... unless someone else starts to talk... maybe it makes them feel "special." Hm... must like my sexy eyes gazing on them. LOL.

as a defense mechanism of sorts, if i accidentally meet eyes with someone, i usually just drop it or look away and I think that's also mistaken as being "shy" and "interested", so then they think i'm sort of inviting flirtation... but then I never know when people are flirting with me either, so in my opinion, it never gets anywhere (they seem to think it is getting somewhere).

It's never intentionally done. I've tried to flirt with someone intentionally... I am horribly embarrassed by it (even if he reciprocated) because I was so aware of what I was doing. Never again, will I put myself through such embarassment~ bah~

[Antares]

In the mundane ES world, teasing = flirting. I never understood it. Flirting is supposed to involve some romantic motive. Teasing without such motive cannot be viewed as flirting. Besides, if I were to say the same thing to two people of the opposite gender with the same mannerism and expression, I would be flirting to one and joking around with the other. I remember this incident in the hallways.

I was walking with A (a female friend) and sees B (a handsome upperclassmen who just happened to be my friend)

Me: How did exam go?
B: I think it went well.
Me: *roll eyes* If that's true, I'd start believing in miracles.
B: *made a face and left*
A: Don't flirt with B! (semi-seriously)
Me: *astonishment*

[JadeBlue]

I guess what confuses me is the mechanics of flirting. I like people inasmuch as I like studying them and I can see how this can be confused with elevated interest. It's funny because when I do find someone I'm attracted to it's like a freight train pile-up for a few minutes with my emotions scissoring & slamming into each other. I try not to stay there because I don't understand the mechanics of that either, but that's probably for another thread. In any event, socially speaking, I've come to accept that being a 'natural flirt' is a pretty good problem to have. I've never had a shortage of friends when I choose to get out there and I seem to make an indelible impression. I just wish society weren't so emotionally driven. It hurts my head.

[kdp]

Yes, I flirt. But flirting does not have to be sexually-charged. My definition of flirting is using more than your voice to communicate that you are interested in the conversation. So you smile alot, so you lean in, laugh louder and longer. It makes the other person feel good and it's good for one's career! I am all about my career!

[Marcus]

It makes the other person feel good and it's good for one's career! I am all about my career!

Just don't do that with other INTJs. I hate carrier building flirting.

[Synamon]

I love to flirt. Since I'm introverted (and married) I do it online. It's fun. My brand of flirting is sexual innuendo, outrageous statements and a battle of wits. Like minds get it, the rest don't, it is great intellectual stimulation.

[beverly penn]

for me it is first a combination of a lot of questions and eye contact. knowing somebody better, I draw the 'dry wit'. If we can send small jokes back and forth - even if they are rarely acknowledged as such out loud - I'm interested. usually a deeper level of honest discussion is included to let them know what they are getting into; I'm not just interested in fun discussions, but more meaningful communication.

i do it sparingly though. reaaaally sparingly.

[Elfrun]

I shamelessly flirt online, it gets me into trouble cause I’m all talk :uneasy:

[Double Victory]

I hate hate hate hate flirting. I would only ever flirt (and only very slightly at that) with someone that I'm really truly interested in. Since this hypothetical person doesn't exist, there's no reason for me to flirt.

Back in high school I even made myself very aware of my actions so that I wouldn't be perceived as being flirty. I made sure never to giggle, or ask stupid questions, or freak out over bugs and make someone else get it away for me. I pretty much stopped being feminine for a long time because I didn't want people to think that I would possibly even give guys a fighting chance.

[simoncpu]

I flirt by not flirting with girls, especially if a girl is expecting me to flirt with her because of her looks. This makes me mysterious. Hahaha.

[inquisitive]

I was under the impression that an INTJ is flirting when it is very obvious as any INTJ's I have met are very direct in saying when they want something or are interested in something/someone. But of course that is just based on my experience and observations.

[le Duc]

I flirt by not flirting with girls, especially if a girl is expecting me to flirt with her because of her looks. This makes me mysterious. Hahaha.

Yes, and then you can know for sure that their complete avoidance of you must mean they're really in love with you. All of them. Reverse-reverse-ad-nauseum psychology is a great thing.

Wow, Syn... this thread is alive again... you didn't kill it!

[Danisty]

I don't know if I've ever flirted. I know I've tried and failed, but maybe at some point I didn't try and I succeeded? Actually, I think that might be how I got with my husband. :stunned:

I shamelessly flirt online, it gets me into trouble cause I’m all talk :uneasy:I accidentally flirt online. I've had more than a few teenage boys develop a crush on me just because I actually talked to them like they were adults. :uneasy: That's what I get for having my primary interests in video games and comic books, I guess.

[Wufnu]

I don't flirt. I don't think I CAN flirt. I can't read flirting, either :( When someone flirts very strongly with me, I never know how to react :( For example, about a month ago I was talking with this girl online and she did the usual "going to bed, wish you could warm it up for me" flirt line and I didn't know what to think. I knew she was flirting but at the same time my mind is wondering how I should respond. My natural response would have been to mention the distance between us and how early I have to get up but then I also realized, to quote a VG Cats comic, "lol taht not how u pley" so I defaulted with a ;)

Even after being in a relationship for 3 years, I never could flirt. In all those years, I never once asked for sex; either she hit me with a mallet to show she wanted to, it happened without anything being said, or it didn't happen at all.

I've never understood why I am like that.

[HeartlessWolf]

I don't usually think I'm flirting in the obvious way because I usually just use a different aspect of myself. Girls tend to like my personality for some reason, they say it's "unique" and "cool"(!?)...probably because I act like a confident a$$**** when I'm around them, yet I don't overdo it, and I usually always have something clever to say to make them laugh. The women around my work think I'm gay at times, because I'm not too bad looking, yet I never show any interest in girls when they press me for info, it annoys me because I don't act gay, look gay, and I'm NOT gay, yet this little fact is always brought up...I think the reason I don't show much interest in girls at work, or at home, is because I calculate the chance of me going further in a relationship at this point in time. For example, if I'm at work, I don't have enough time to get anywhere with a girl, yet if I'm home, they are never close enough for me to get a good word in.

I don't like going out to clubs, choosing instead to party with friends, but that's the only real way you will get contact with a lot of girls.

All in all, I think that women are definitely attracted to INTJ personalities (non-INTJ women that is, but even they might like them...)

[Avid]

I don't usually think I'm flirting in the obvious way because I usually just use a different aspect of myself. Girls tend to like my personality for some reason, they say it's "unique" and "cool"(!?)...probably because I act like a confident a$$**** when I'm around them, yet I don't overdo it, and I usually always have something clever to say to make them laugh. The women around my work think I'm gay at times, because I'm not too bad looking, yet I never show any interest in girls when they press me for info, it annoys me because I don't act gay, look gay, and I'm NOT gay, yet this little fact is always brought up...I think the reason I don't show much interest in girls at work, or at home, is because I calculate the chance of me going further in a relationship at this point in time. For example, if I'm at work, I don't have enough time to get anywhere with a girl, yet if I'm home, they are never close enough for me to get a good word in.

I don't like going out to clubs, choosing instead to party with friends, but that's the only real way you will get contact with a lot of girls.

All in all, I think that women are definitely attracted to INTJ personalities (non-INTJ women that is, but even they might like them...)

Sheesh. I'm glad you have females around you that accept you. I have had the exact opposite experience aside from the few girls who were my friends that suddenly turned gay on me but I'm not gay. I crushed their feelings (unavoidable) and even though I still wanted to be friends they abandoned me. That being said I have had 4 female friends who liked me but weren't gay. Of those 4 friends every single one of them quit talking to me because after a time their bf's all decided they liked me better than them (probably because I had the same interests and was easy to talk to and I'm decently attractive). Even though I never dated/accepted their bf's affections because I had strict beliefs about not hurting my friends they still caught the jealousy bug and abandoned me. You have a perceived masculine personality. You are logical, in control, have inner confidence so to them=male persona=lesbian. The masculine'ish thing is true for me anyway because everytime I do one of those personality tests I'm always "the warrior" or "the tiger".

Anyway, I didn't flirt. I was rather unapproachable in high school so my idea of dating was I would study a male for some amount of time and decide if he was worth talking to as a potential partner. If he was I would walk right up to him and say something to the effect of, "You are pretty cool so why don't we date?"

[Liquid]

If he was I would walk right up to him and say something to the effect of, "You are pretty cool so why don't we date?"
Christ almighty, I wish people around where I live were direct like that.

[True Rune]

I joke around sometimes, but I don't think I've ever flirted or have been accused of flirting, or know if someone is "flirting" with me.

[Avid]

Christ almighty, I wish people around where I live were direct like that.
LOL. Honestly, my directness with things freaks a lot of people out. Only difference is now I control things like my tone and body language and my actual words so I don't give off the wrong impression and accidentally offend people. I slip up on that though when it comes to religion sometimes. I need to quit it, lol.

[ElstonGunn]

I was under the impression that an INTJ is flirting when it is very obvious as any INTJ's I have met are very direct in saying when they want something or are interested in something/someone.

Does that count as flirtation? I thought flirting tended to involve hints and signals and other assorted not-explicitly-saying-what-you-want kinds of things.


Anyway, I didn't flirt. I was rather unapproachable in high school so my idea of dating was I would study a male for some amount of time and decide if he was worth talking to as a potential partner. If he was I would walk right up to him and say something to the effect of, "You are pretty cool so why don't we date?"

You're either bullshitting me, or you're the greatest human being I've ever met. I'm exaggerating of course, but I can't begin to explain how much I appreciate women who'd do that. I was starting to think they didn't exist. I don't even care if I'm ever on the receiving end of it, I just think it's absolutely magnificent that a woman might possibly not be completely and utterly opposed to doing things that way, rather than categorically refusing to act, or refusing to unless they really, really like a guy who isn't doing the acting first.

[Avid]

Nope Elston. 100% true. I was only formally asked out once in my life. Rest of the times it was all me. It sounds really, really bad but I think a lot of the girls I have known in my life were cruel. They do that junk where they suck a guy in and lead him on to give him the impression they like him then just reject him or something to that affect. I even paid for the first dates here and there since I was the one that asked them to begin with. Dunno, Women asked for equality but don't want to do any of the work? Hehe. Besides confidence is apparently sexy although to some it comes across borderline arrogant.

Actually, I've had 2 male friends that I SERIOUSLY JUST wanted as friends because I valued their opinions and I liked their company. First, one I called on the phone and from the beginning I told him I just wanted to be his friend and I wasn't going to date him because he wasn't going to be compatible with me personality wise. OMG, His friends thought I was satan incarnate but he said he liked the clarification. My second male friend I married but he was a weird INTj and we didn't really know each other for a long time. He began opening up and I decided I was attracted to him and liked him.

[phantasma]

I don't get flirting, and I wouldn't try. Too much insincerity and, in my case, playing the part of the "fairer sex" and playing dumb and weak. I don't feel like trying to impress shallow teenage boys at the moment. The ones that are worthwhile are better impressed by good conversation.

[Avid]

OH HECK NO! If you have to play some "fairer, dumb/weak sex" act you don't want the guy anyway. Always present yourself exactly how you are in all your INTJ phantasmic glory and let them see who you are faults and all. If they can't handle it screw 'em if they embrace who you are let it go from there.

Good call on your part identifying the men worth talking to.

[phantasma]

In that case, there's hardly anyone who's worth it. And I'm INTP.

[Avid]

I'm INTj. Little j, I have j and p tendencies but I claim the J because I share more traits with j. You never know. )

[Thrifty]

Is it typical for INTJ's to flirt without realizing it? All my friends tell me that I was obviously flirting with another friend, when I didn't realize until afterward that perhaps my behavior was a bit flirtatious. Then again, I doubt I ever flirted before.
That has only happened once that I can remember: I was talking to girl about general musical preferences, and we were agreeing a great deal. I was unaware the girl had a boyfriend, but I didn't have any interest in her at the moment. Apparently, I lost control of the INTJ gaze for a moment and her boyfriend, who was checking around so it seemed, appeared out of nowhere and intersected my visual contact with her. Realizing the tension of the situation, I retreated into the comfort of my solitude and left them to sort out their own problems.

[Avid]

That has only happened once that I can remember: I was talking to girl about general musical preferences, and we were agreeing a great deal. I was unaware the girl had a boyfriend, but I didn't have any interest in her at the moment. Apparently, I lost control of the INTJ gaze for a moment and her boyfriend, who was checking around so it seemed, appeared out of nowhere and intersected my visual contact with her. Realizing the tension of the situation, I retreated into the comfort of my solitude and left them to sort out their own problems.

If you had your head cocked with "dreamy" eyes then maybe I could see where he was coming from. While I understand male dynamics work a bit differently than female dynamics and saying the wrong thing can get you beat up. I would have told the guy what you just told us. You were just talking to her about music and past that she isn't your type. As it is now though I would only confront him if he gave me a hard time.

[Thrifty]

If you had your head cocked with "dreamy" eyes then maybe I could see where he was coming from. While I understand male dynamics work a bit differently than female dynamics and saying the wrong thing can get you beat up. I would have told the guy what you just told us. You were just talking to her about music and past that she isn't your type. As it is now though I would only confront him if he gave me a hard time.

Maybe I did, I don't know (I'm kind of incompetent in this subject :P) but I think it was more of a problem of him/them. Hence, I preferred to get out of the way and avoided explaining myself. I didn't even really know this girl so there was nothing at stake.

And if he had attempted to even slightly touch me, I would have destroyed him with my eye-lasers :bandana:.

[lancelot]

Do INTJs flirt? Do INTJs joke? No way. *insert sarcasm* Maybe sometimes, but probably not often. ^_^

I find it easier to talk to women who are introverted, we seem to be on the same wave length.

[sundance]

i got no problem talking with guys, esp the interesting and talkative one..
i even can put the "famous intj mask" and enjoying it.
but somehow i cant talk with the one that really catch my attention..
even when i meet him a lots of time untill now..
we never manage a long conversation, is that also happens to other intj female ??

[Josh]

I flirt with anyone attractive though this is generally to make sure my social skills do not get rusty, not to pursue anything.

[Reganon]

When talking to people I don't know very well, I often worry that I'm sending the wrong message, even if I don't know what message that is. So I tend to avert my eyes because my gaze is too intense and has on occasion caused very awkward situations.

[otherwiser]

I agree.

I’ve learned allot about people and what makes them tick by watching them live passionately in each moment. I think us INTJ’s need to realize…. We’re just people too. But we have so much to learn from people who are different from us.

We need to quit feeling special (arrogance) and get on with learning about “the social” we avoid so much. Way too much navel gazing I think.

People flirt socialize interact in so many different ways. Just because it’s not natural for an INTJ does not make the process wrong. In fact, it’s natures way and of course we are part of nature not separate from it. If you use these tools it will be very rewarding. (You’ll get laid)





otherwiser added to this post, 1 minutes and 39 seconds later...

lost my way posting.... (virgin post) I agree with a different post commenting on learning to flirt.

[Autoptic]

People flirt socialize interact in so many different ways. Just because it’s not natural for an INTJ does not make the process wrong. In fact, it’s natures way and of course we are part of nature not separate from it. If you use these tools it will be very rewarding. (You’ll get laid)

It is just wrong for us, at least me. Mother nature is a lying bitch about this kind of stuff. Now, you're failing to notice our nature is nature too. I wasn't looking to just get laid, and this bullshit just gets in the way of verifying the only information I actually require.

[dragonsscout]

The 'look' has gotten me into trouble before, mostly by giving people I'm not too interested in the wrong impression. Conversely, I'm really bad at flirting when I want to. I'm a bit shy and either stumble or say something over the person's head. I'm also totally clueless when someone is flirting with me. All in all, I suck at this game. :)

[ElstonGunn]

People flirt socialize interact in so many different ways. Just because it’s not natural for an INTJ does not make the process wrong. In fact, it’s natures way and of course we are part of nature not separate from it.

Okay, but the fact that it's not wrong or that it's "natural" doesn't necessarily make it worth doing. If you weigh out the pros and cons and make your choice, that's fine either way.

[AliTree]

well, personally, i don't really know how to flirt. but i guess i get extremely comfortable with guys a lot faster & easier then with girls & i guess that some people consider that flirting so some people accuse me of flirting a lot too.
:\ eh w/e

[Seppuku Savant]

LOL. Honestly, my directness with things freaks a lot of people out.

Same here.

Except, I'm not sure they are freaked out. Probably just unsettled because most people beat around the bush these days. I like to cut to the chase.

[punkyplatypus]

I've been called a flirt before. It caught me off guard, because I was just being myself. It turned out that my sarcastic comments comes off as flirty type of teasing. I've noticed that the girls I talk with respond positively to this, so it's how I flirt. The problem I find is turning it off. So occasionally a girl I'm not attracted to begins making advances at me, which then I have to cut her off altogether to keep from leading her on.

Personally, I consider timely blushing, unnecessary giggling, talking dirty, winking & other gestures (blowing a kiss, etc.), and physical contact flirting. Sarcasm is more like playful banter or a flaunt of wit, but I guess I can see how it can be considered flirting.

[Nanashi]

i got no problem talking with guys, esp the interesting and talkative one..
i even can put the "famous intj mask" and enjoying it.
but somehow i cant talk with the one that really catch my attention..
even when i meet him a lots of time untill now..
we never manage a long conversation, is that also happens to other intj female ??

I can talk to a LOT of guys of different types--i just play the game, picking out subjects I know they could talk about and laying them out in front of us, but the ESFP I like...I'm so comfortable with him and so AWARE of his presence, that the talking we do doesn't really feel the way I normally feel when I'm 'doing' the normal social interaction with acquaintances thing (which also happens with friends if I'm not in a deep conversation with them). Perhaps with the ESPF it's what normal talking feels like to other non-INTJ people. It's...well... 'intimate' for lack of better word. He too gets sort of shy. I read that ESFPs prefer to engage with a group of people as opposed to with an individual, so that made sense to me. Not his usual stage. I guess I'm saying I can relate to the change in dynamic altering how you feel about talking, but sometimes, I think, it's a good sign.

[cullenisacreep]

I cannot flirt at all. I feel like an idiot if I try. I get along with ENTJs, INTJs, and ISTJs best. I CANNOT deal with feeler types. As a female this is difficult since the majority of my girl acquaintances are mushy-gushy sentimental people. I get a long with your average smart guy and smart girls as well, but I'm terrible at flirting, especially since I'm picky when it comes to guys.