Younger Women & Older Men or Vice Versa

[Bandit]

This is actually a break off from another thread where this topic came up..

CuriousJane stated that she was miffed by the fact that older men sometimes gravitate towards younger women as opposed to finding mates their own age..

I am curious if there is some genetic or basic instinctual basis to this premise or is it a matter of personal preference?

Or does preference have nothing to do with it at all and perhaps it is just a matter of random occurance in that you do not get to choose your partner they just happen to end up in your life. Thus random chemistry and compatibility would determine your choices making it a semi unconscious decision and more a matter of the heart..

For me personally I have no desire or bias either way, it would really depend on how interesting the person is.. older or younger it would make no difference if they could keep the mental side of me amused and challenged..

Any thoughts?


Or any thoughts in the event that the roles were reversed and it was an older woman with a younger man?

[Monte314]

My personal opinion is that older men who do this are looking for someone they can dominate, and display as a status symbol (you know the term). Older, more experienced women generally aren't looking to be degraded in this way.

[Danisty]

Honestly, it doesn't mean much of anything to me. I've dated a few much older guys and they didn't seem particularly interested in dominating me. My husband is a couple years younger than me. If everything else that's needed to make the relationship work is there, I don't see what age should have to do with it.

[Bandit]

My personal opinion is that older men who do this are looking for someone they can dominate, and display as a status symbol (you know the term). Older, more experienced women generally aren't looking to be degraded in this way.

You are talking about "Arm Candy" or a "Trophy Wife" I assume... that could be one possibilty but that I would imagine would fade while in reality I believe that there are relationships that last for the long term..

I guess to better define this thread I would have to speak of an age gap of say between 10 and 15 years.. I agree that people looking at partners where the age gap exceeds 20+ years are looking at it probably from more of a fling standpoint as the odds of that being any more are slim to none..

[changos]

There can be healthy cases where the life style and maturity of both are balanced being two whole persons each. Other cases rely on "he-she will stay with me while she-he needs me", just like Monte314 says: domination.

If something goes way off balanced it might be somebody taking advantage of the other one (insecurity of the self), also looking for control or just needing to be needed to reassure the relationship.

When is love, relationships survive while there is love, involving the efforts to keep it healthy. When is not love, then the relationship ends when the relationship of help, domination of control ends. Meaning, lots of relationships with age difference end when the "younger" (not precisely physically) no longer needs the cares of the other one. (when he-she no longer needs the "help") or grows sufficiently to take notice of the "domination" or control and then go looking for somebody else.

Obviously backed up with psychological readings, pretty often this relationships are not healthy. But why???

Age involves cultural and moral compatibility where the gap is not little. There is the problem... but the world is made of exceptions

[jikin]

My best friend was 25 when she married a man of 50 about 2 years ago. When they first started dating a couple of years before that, most people were skeptical. When it comes down to it, they had all of the same interests, and really enjoyed each other's company. He acts a bit younger than he is, and she acts a bit older. Somehow they meet in the middle.

When they first started dating I questioned her on a lot of things regarding it. The way she put it was that she could die in her 30's like her Grandmother did, so why not marry the man who was her best friend while she had a chance.

Granted, I would consider them the exception rather than the rule when it comes to this type of thing, but it can work out, and doesn't always have to be a dominance issue.

[Saint]

My father was 20 when my mother was born. Right now in my life I find girls that are ~25 very attractive (I'm only 20), but I think this may be a "looking for maturity" thing...?

I jokingly told a friend on AIM not long ago:

kari: 'cause that's just a typical guy thing right?
kari: to like younger bitches
Me: yes
Me: see
Me: I want a girl thats 20-28
Me: and 10 years from now
Me: I'll want a girl thats 20-28
Me: and 40 years from now
Me: I'll want a girl thats 20-28
Me: etc....
kari: gotcha

[cal]

For me personally I have no desire or bias either way, it would really depend on how interesting the person is.. older or younger it would make no difference if they could keep the mental side of me amused and challenged..

Any thoughts?

A couple years ago a good friend tied up with a woman who is 5 years his senior. One main reason he chose her over some who were younger was that "She thinks just like a guy".

[Bioplasmoid]

Well sometimes the most different people (in age) really can connect on a deeper level in a way that defies their experiences with previous partners closer to their own age. It just depends on the unique personalities in question. I lost my Virginity (on a technical note) to a Woman who was 33, when I was 18. Leading up to that point we had talked and hung out a few times, as she was the daughter of a family friend. It is probably one of my best memories ever, as she was so much easier to talk and connect with mentally, than the few young women my age I had around me at the time. It was a pretty innocent event really, and occured on a totally deserted beach, after a long walk together in the blazing sun. I do not feel used or regretful about it in any way. Although I do sometimes regret losing my virginity in the first place, instead of the more traditional and moral route that I may have taken, had I stayed a Christian. I sometimes wonder if having too many casual relationships can sometimes actually poison the potential connection and damage the propensity for monogamy that would have existed between two virgins who marry,have sex, and condition each others minds solely with sexual experience and memories between the two of them. Maybe I am just being tragically old fashioned and idealistic, but the thought does occur from time to time...

[Indubitably]

You know, I'm not sure where it comes from but I've noticed that the people who make the biggest deal about age difference are often older Americans (older as in, they are relatively closer in age to the older member of the relationship in question). There seems to be an almost systematic dependence on the delusion that the younger person is somehow an inherently inferior human being. Although it does seem almost as common that they feel age gives them some sort of jedi mind control powers, or other vague yet nearly super human ability to dominate anyone who is younger than them. Granted, anyone of about age 14-15 or older does have a great deal of influence and power over very young children (who have no reason to be dating anyone of any age), that can easily abused, aside from that however this assumption of superiority simply does not seem to hold up. My best guess is that this phenomenon is caused by the fact that (unlike many other cultures) in the US age tends to carry with it a stigma of incompetence rather than garner respect as a source of wisdom. Perhaps as a result, many Americans develop feelings of insecurity and a subsequent need to compensate with delusions of power.

In my experience humans develop a unique personality, and mind of their own, by the time they are about half way through their teen years. From that point on, as they adapt to their changing position in society people gain useful social insight, and as such are perhaps better suited to dispense social advice, but I have yet to meet the old man that can manipulate my mind with any greater ease than a manipulative teen ager. Whether or not someone is manipulative, seems to primarily be related to their personality. Perhaps someone who is older is likely to have greater financial resources at their disposal to manipulate a potential mate, but that is really more a question of whether or not people should be dating outside their tax bracket.

I will say this though, I don't look kindly on individuals who are manipulative and controlling in a relationship. Thats sort of thing however, seems to recognize no race, gender, or age boundary of any kind.

[Seppuku Savant]

Scientifically, it's said that men are attracted to women of child bearing years (18-35), even if they no longer want children or have had them with someone else. However, if someone never intended to have children in the first place, than being attracted to someone for that reason is void.

[Henry]

This is actually a break off from another thread where this topic came up..

CuriousJane stated that she was miffed by the fact that older men sometimes gravitate towards younger women as opposed to finding mates their own age..

I am curious if there is some genetic or basic instinctual basis to this premise or is it a matter of personal preference?

Or does preference have nothing to do with it at all and perhaps it is just a matter of random occurance in that you do not get to choose your partner they just happen to end up in your life. Thus random chemistry and compatibility would determine your choices making it a semi unconscious decision and more a matter of the heart..

For me personally I have no desire or bias either way, it would really depend on how interesting the person is.. older or younger it would make no difference if they could keep the mental side of me amused and challenged..

Any thoughts?


Or any thoughts in the event that the roles were reversed and it was an older woman with a younger man?

Female attractiveness peaks 20-24, drops significantly at 30 and sharply at 40. Male sex appeal peaks in early 30s and doesn't drop off significantly until the 60's. Its not really a mystery; at 35 men are generally fit and usually solvent - go older and the fitness drops, go younger and the likelihood of solvency drops. At 22, women are likely to be at the peak of their sexual attractiveness, go older they get fat and the boobs droop, go younger and you go to jail.

[Duncan Cade]

The libido of women slowly increases to the maximum, and then decreases even slower.
This libido increases gradually, and will be at it's peak around her 36'st or 38't year. This explains the preference from older women for younger males. The level of the male's libido around his 19'th year matches the libido of a woman around the age of 40.

The libido of a man increases extremely fast and reaches it's peak quickly. Then it will gradually decrease with age. The libido of a 40 year old male, therefore, matches the libido of a female around her 20th or so year. On that moment, the male's libido is dropping while the females libido is still growing. The 2 lines just intersect at that point, that's all.
This explains why older men prefer younger women. There is almost always a difference of around 20 years in such a relationship, as the stories of Saint and jikin confirm.

I hope this helped.

[Bandit]

I notice that the majority of the thread replies tended to focus on the sexual aspect of the relationship.. which would lead to belief that this is almost an instinctual behavior in that a younger partner would be attractive from the terms of being "good breeding stock".. As the only real goal of life is to procreate and create more life when broken down to it's simplest form..

I wonder if as humans does our increased mental capacity thus tend to allow us the freedom to overide such instinctive behavior or are we still bound by it?

I find this topic to be quite interesting, yet I do believe that there is probably more to this issue than just the libido of the partners involved. There may be commonality between the two that was previously unfound by either partner in previous relationships that makes the mental/emotional bound many times greater than the instinctive need to procreate..

[Dominguez]

I notice that the majority of the thread replies tended to focus on the sexual aspect of the relationship.. which would lead to belief that this is almost an instinctual behavior in that a younger partner would be attractive from the terms of being "good breeding stock".. As the only real goal of life is to procreate and create more life when broken down to it's simplest form..

I wonder if as humans does our increased mental capacity thus tend to allow us the freedom to overide such instinctive behavior or are we still bound by it?

I find this topic to be quite interesting, yet I do believe that there is probably more to this issue than just the libido of the partners involved. There may be commonality between the two that was previously unfound by either partner in previous relationships that makes the mental/emotional bound many times greater than the instinctive need to procreate..

one would assume this would be the case for intjs. for me, it is definitely so. while I may be sexually attracted to a female, they wouldn't get a hint of attention from me simply because they haven't interested me mentally. physical attraction just isn't enough to base a relationship from.

unfortunately almost all the people i know think completely oppositely from me, so its hard for me to find a mate. and this level of mental "maturity," if you will, isn't affected by the age of the person. i could go on and talk about all the occurences I've had with women my age or older than me, but the outcome is still the same. i get bored because they have nothing to offer me "upstairs," but all seem interested in whats going on "downstairs." don't get me wrong, of course physical attraction is of importance to me, but its just out of my nature for me to act the same way the vast majority of others do.

when i do try to escalate things with these women, i usually feel akward because I just don't understand how social rituals in regards to courting work. they just don't make sense to me. apparently they're mostly derived from emotions and feelings at the moment, while i'd rather talk and get to know a person first and determine if i'd like to escalate or not. nothing is gained from small talk. i end up getting bored and sorta frustrated so i just leave the situation alone.

so now i'm 20, havent had a girlfriend since my sophomore year in highschool. since then i've only had akward attempts at relationships. women are physically attracted to me and vice versa, but the mental stimulation isn't there. unless i get that stimulation, i'm honestly not interested.

[md21017md]

I am in my mid 40's. To answer the question, it has nothing to do with domination for me, it's simply the fact that very few (american) women in thier 40's are not fat and out of shape. Take a look around, most mid 40's women have given up being a woman, especially if they have kids. The vast majority of mid 40's women at any of the past jobs I've had are 30 or more pounds overweight, chopped off or permed up hair - as un-feminine as can be. There are exceptions, and you ocassionally run into a fit attractive 40 something woman but it is the exception. This is not limited to women; the average 40 something guy is bald or balding, fat gut and out of shape, so I can see why a lot of women are looking for younger men.

I am very active, and want someone that can keep up with me. As such, I am more attracted to younger women. While I can see the attraction of sex with a 22 year old, I'd quickly grow tired of the "kid games" most 22 year olds are into - discovering life at that point really. I think for me the best of both - young and in shape but past the trying to figure out who they are - means for a partner I am more interested in women 30-35 give or take. Maybe a bit younger if they have thier act together, maybe a few years older if they are in great shape.

[JoeyDude]

With the genetic predisposition regarding finding an ideal child-bearing female, that could just be a result of evolution and natural selection.

Bear with me, thousands of years ago life was tough and if animals didn't kill you then disease or other illnesses would do the job. Anyway, for those young cavemen attracted to older CILFs, (Cavewoman I'd Like to F***) what probably happened was due to the older age of the female there were more likely to be problems with childbirth and as a result fewer children were born out of those couples compared to the standard young female/older male couples.

Now, follow me on this, because there are fewer children born out of older women than younger women what happens is that those children are then raised on the values of the parents. (Son, those older females are hot!) Or is the genetic predisposition actually passed down and the child automatically goes for the older female?

To see more what I'm talking about you can make observations on various children of parents. If you see a fat child most likely the parents are fat too. Same thing if you see a mini hulk hogan, his parents probably are Mr and Mrs Universe. It could be the same thing for selecting older women, though the parents don't quite teach the kid that.

You can think of it as a reproduction race where the younger women are ahead of the game and because of that there just are more younger women couples spawned from the previous generation.

Another angle is that most people like to follow the "norm" and stay the safe route. Because the younger woman/older man isn't generally looked down where are more likely to be couples with that compared to older woman/younger man couples. Look back at the 70's to see what I mean. Everyone was a hippie because, you guessed right, everyone is a hippie!

All right that's enough rambling, I gotta work now ;)

[Indubitably]

I am in my mid 40's. To answer the question, it has nothing to do with domination for me, it's simply the fact that very few (american) women in thier 40's are not fat and out of shape. Take a look around, most mid 40's women have given up being a woman, especially if they have kids. The vast majority of mid 40's women at any of the past jobs I've had are 30 or more pounds overweight, chopped off or permed up hair - as un-feminine as can be. There are exceptions, and you ocassionally run into a fit attractive 40 something woman but it is the exception. This is not limited to women; the average 40 something guy is bald or balding, fat gut and out of shape, so I can see why a lot of women are looking for younger men.

I am very active, and want someone that can keep up with me. As such, I am more attracted to younger women. While I can see the attraction of sex with a 22 year old, I'd quickly grow tired of the "kid games" most 22 year olds are into - discovering life at that point really. I think for me the best of both - young and in shape but past the trying to figure out who they are - means for a partner I am more interested in women 30-35 give or take. Maybe a bit younger if they have thier act together, maybe a few years older if they are in great shape.

Ok, I wouldn't say that something like chopping off their hair, or not wearing dresses makes them less effeminate, but I do agree that once a woman gives up on herself, she becomes much less attractive. Usually I wind up dating younger women, but I would have no problem dating a woman who is older than me if she was both what I consider physically attractive and she had something interesting to offer me mentally or emotionally. To find a woman that is interesting, in exceptionally good shape for her age, and into younger men, is however rather rare.

[PRBori]

Hmm... I guess it depends, for me I can't see myself with someone who is older than me 5+ years. However, for some unknown reason the ones I tend to be attracted are 2 or 3 years younger than me... not that I plan it, actually they look older when I meet them, but they always end up being younger when I ask their age.

So is kind of hard to know. The interesting part of it is that I have had older men ask me out directly and I tend to react negative to such... the ones I have gone out with however never ask anything directly... instead it all started with business related conversations that somehow end up more than just business.

At least that's what happen on the relationship I'm now. I met him at a conference and we spoke about work since we are both in the same field... he contacted me and in my mind all I had was work related information; however, on his mind it was a bit of both... but he was literally interested in me as a person more than I was on him. Somehow when we got together things just click...specially when he was able to describe who I was by my simple answers to 10 questions..and I mean literally describe me, and still to this day he is able to read me and know exactly how I react to things before they even happen..... Is like he met me in another life and knows who I am as a person and what I do.... kind of weird

Button line a men who ask me out directly or flirts with me on our first encounter is a turn-off... I literally ignore him and wish I never see his face again. Not sure why... but a men that can talk business and intrigue me as the one I'm with now is a winner....

So it may be that age has nothing to do with it and who knows maybe my age bracket will not matter if our first encounter is not directed to going out or flirting with me... but work or business related. Kind of weird because I don't look for men and I hate when someone implies directly or even indirectly that they like me on our first encounter without even talking to me...

Anyway, I'm weird.... I don't flirt and can't stand men that flirt...

[animado]

Hmm, I suppose it's biological. Human attraction is founded in the desire to reproduce, and women are more likely to successfully produce healthy children when they are younger. Still speaking in a biological sense, it's better for the species if a male picks a younger female who is more able to reproduce. This makes the young/healthy female more attractive than older females. Although current human motive for sex is not just to reproduce, we're still just animals, and we'll pick what our genes/instinct/whatever tell us is most attractive.

Just my thoughts... : )

[Bandit]

Hmm, I suppose it's biological. Human attraction is founded in the desire to reproduce, and women are more likely to successfully produce healthy children when they are younger. Still speaking in a biological sense, it's better for the species if a male picks a younger female who is more able to reproduce. This makes the young/healthy female more attractive than older females. Although current human motive for sex is not just to reproduce, we're still just animals, and we'll pick what our genes/instinct/whatever tell us is most attractive.

Just my thoughts... : )

Agreed

[MysString]

I just had a fling with a British INTJ. I'm really not the type to have flings. In fact, I hadn't had sex for 2 years before this. Anyway, the moment he showed me his intellect, I felt the attraction. I didn't care how old he was and I never asked. If I had to guess though, I'd say he was in his 30's. I'm 21. I don't think I've had a closer connection with any man. I know there are men out there who are intellectual enough for me, but I guess they just aren't confident enough to approach me. This guy was. It was nice.

[terencec]

Female attractiveness peaks 20-24, drops significantly at 30 and sharply at 40. Male sex appeal peaks in early 30s and doesn't drop off significantly until the 60's. Its not really a mystery; at 35 men are generally fit and usually solvent - go older and the fitness drops, go younger and the likelihood of solvency drops. At 22, women are likely to be at the peak of their sexual attractiveness, go older they get fat and the boobs droop, go younger and you go to jail.

I agree with you in general but 16yo looks even better (for me) than 20-24yo. I feel sorry for female, most men only look for sex appeal and sex appeal for women do not last very long (>25 is going downhill quickly). When a girl graduates from college, she is already >=22yo typically!

Hmm, I suppose it's biological. Human attraction is founded in the desire to reproduce, and women are more likely to successfully produce healthy children when they are younger. Still speaking in a biological sense, it's better for the species if a male picks a younger female who is more able to reproduce. This makes the young/healthy female more attractive than older females. Although current human motive for sex is not just to reproduce, we're still just animals, and we'll pick what our genes/instinct/whatever tell us is most attractive.

Just my thoughts... : )

Most people will agree what you said! The sad thing is now we know we could not change how we see some things since they are programmed before we were born whether we like it or not!

[Bandit]

This is true, but bring to the table the flip side of the coin.. where younger guys are going out with and perhaps even in fairly long term stable relationships with women many time older and way past the signifigant attractiveness drop at 40 and I'm lost as to what they see in each other..

This would through the biological theory out the window as the ability for these older women "cougars" to produce are much less than there younger counter parts..

[Liason]

I am 14, but mentally, lets just say that mentally I have an extreme superiority complex. My preference since I was 12 was that If a guy wanted to go out with me he had to be at least 3-6 years older and over 6ft tall. When I was in 6th grade(12) I went out with a 15 year old that was 6'1. It went alright, but the intellectual gap was too great and I broke up with him in pursuit of a smarter mate. Last year in 8th grade(13-14) I went out with a 17 year old that was 6'3 and was pretty smart. It lasted about 13 months, but I broke it off again in search of a more serious, less immature person(that was smarter).
It seems the kind I'm looking for are all in college and what 20 year old guy wants to say I have a 14 year old girlfriend? Depressing as it is, my preferance hasn't lowered. Just wanted to give anyone who wanted to see the insight of a chick who likes older guys a tour around my head.

[terencec]

This is true, but bring to the table the flip side of the coin.. where younger guys are going out with and perhaps even in fairly long term stable relationships with women many time older and way past the signifigant attractiveness drop at 40 and I'm lost as to what they see in each other..

This would through the biological theory out the window as the ability for these older women "cougars" to produce are much less than there younger counter parts..

We can almost find any exception because there are 6 billion people in the world. IMO, biological theory could apply for many men. The guy who loves 40+ yo does not necessary invalid the biological theory. He might very love young girls but he could not find/get one or he has other reasons to love the older women (e.g. money).

[iuniperus]

I think we’re forgetting a rather crucial element here. There is a difference between chronicle age and biological age. If we go by chronicle age (which is basically the number of years we’ve been around since we were expelled out of our mother’s uterus) things can get a bit confusing. We’ve all seen people who look great for age and others who have done not so well.

For example, I’m a female in my early twenties and am dating someone in his early thirties. Believe it or not, age is irrelevant here. He physically and physiologically is around the same age I am. I think any woman would choose him over an unhealthy twenty-five year old for obvious reasons. And men, if you saw a healthy, sexy thirty-five year old woman and a fat, pimpled twenty-two year old, who would you pick?

It’s not about age; it’s about health. Especially in American society where your physical appearance and health can decline very rapidly, this is a major factor.

[mlanders]

In my experience, it takes most men about 40 or more years to mature. I'm not making generalizations about men on this board or about partners of the women/men.

I've always been attracted to men that were 10-15 years older. I just couldn't stand the immaturity of the nitwits who were my age.

When men approach middle age, I think their mortality starts screaming at them in radioactive, neon lights. Dating someone several years younger is a way of staying younger themselves. It's not a kick in the teeth to women in their forties; it's just advertising vulnerability. Either that or he's found a mate who's right for him, and age doesn't matter.

Middle aged men don't leave their wives because HE'S getting older. They do it because SHE'S getting older. He can't just look in the mirror and say, "Man, I'm getting old." He has to use his woman as an "aging barometer."

[terencec]

When men approach middle age, I think their mortality starts screaming at them in radioactive, neon lights. Dating someone several years younger is a way of staying younger themselves. It's not a kick in the teeth to women in their forties; it's just advertising vulnerability. Either that or he's found a mate who's right for him, and age doesn't matter.

You have a point. However, I believe it is more about sexual appeal and visual pressure. In other word, if a 40yo has more sexual appeal than 18yo, I believe most men like a 40yo woman.

[SmartOne]

My personal opinion is that older men who do this are looking for someone they can dominate, and display as a status symbol (you know the term). Older, more experienced women generally aren't looking to be degraded in this way.
I think that in some cases the older man is looking for "past youth". Perhaps he regrets what he thinks he has missed out on in the past. Or it could be nothing more than an ego boost. The other school of thought might be that we are all programmed to find the most suitable mate, peak time for a woman to give birth is the 20 -30 age range and new research points to a mans sperm becoming more of a liability after 35.

[terencec]

I think that in some cases the older man is looking for "past youth". Perhaps he regrets what he thinks he has missed out on in the past. Or it could be nothing more than an ego boost.

Actually, my friend has missed out on in the past. He is 30 something and he had a gf early twenty. However, I don't think the experience is the same if he had the same gf in 20. In other word, we can never get the same experience what we miss in the past!

[Mafiaangel180]

My great uncle is 82. He's actually a good catch. He's really good looking for his age, and apparently he's got lots of cash due to a job at GM. But yeah...his girlfriend is a nurse he met in the hospital. She's 42!!!! Of course she's a gold digger. Totally. But you know what? It works for them!! He has a constant companion who's a nurse!! You go unkie!!!! Hahaha!!!

I've dated a guy who was older than me (not that damned old), but I'm not really into it. I seem to have a reputation for "preying" on the younger ones. Muahahaha.

[Beery Swine]

From a purely biological standpoint it seems pretty simple to me. The older more experienced males can show off how much bigger and badder they are than the younger and less mature apes to all of the females and they get the pick of the harem. Younger females are likely to be more fertile than older ones, so the alpha and beta males who are more attracted to the younger ones pass on their "young preference" genes to more offspring.

Females that go after younger males (and the ym that goes after the of) seems more modern and cultural. Think of it like this: a guy gets all sorts of monies and stuff by the time he's 50 or so and can now attract a 23yo wife so he can die in another 30 years while she can afford all kinds of plastic surgery (pre- and postmortem) to look better at 50 than she did at 19 and bangs the pool or garden boy on the departed husband's dime. Fuck that.

If there's to be any disparity in age I think logically (at least for men) the woman should be a few years older. That way they're more likely to kick off at or close to the same age. In reality, however, it's not that simple.

[seoa]

CuriousJane stated that she was miffed by the fact that older men sometimes gravitate towards younger women as opposed to finding mates their own age..

I am curious if there is some genetic or basic instinctual basis to this premise or is it a matter of personal preference?
erm, i don't think it's very complicated. they do it coz they can.

as a general rule, we all want to go out with the most attractive person we can. and guys are primarily visually-aroused, so they want the youngest /prettiest... women use more criteria in their selection, with visual only being one, so they're more likely to accept maturity /experience /character in compensation for visuals.

which means older guys *can* get younger women, so it becomes the norm, coz most people have a lovely herd mentality.

which means if you're a mid-30s woman and looking for a man, you're more than likely going to end up with one in their mid to late 40s, who's practically too old to start a family. which means our society is just about ready for a radical change - coz these days most women don't want to settle down till around then.

ain't never gonna happen though - the herd instinct is too strong....

c'mon guys, buck the trend, date women older than yourselves... :)

[Bandit]

I don't think that alot of guys would enjoy dating women older than themselves unless they are young bucks and are looking to gain a little life knowledge. I think that guys in their 30's etc.. would not find women older themselves a very attractive prospect.

[Antares]

I like older guys, but I have no problem with younger ones; as long as they're good looking coupled with brains :) But seriously. I find men in their 30's so damned attractive. I'm 15. Many men in their 20's still have their young 'alpha lion' complex going on and I don't like this kind of behavior.

[Bandit]

I agree, I think that females are much more complex in there selection of a mate and take in a large variety of factors when making a decision as to what they find attractive or alluring. I believe especially since I am 30 that at this age the vast majority of males have either done one of two things, either made it and are solvent and mature or the alternative which is they still live with mom, and or are struggling to get by.. For those that have made it and are solvent and mature we have and exude a sense of confidence and self assuredness that younger females probably would find very attractive.

The Alpha Male complex and dick measuring games are gone and we are more secure in who we are and what we want, and almost may seem arrogant to a point. Which may or may not be true, but probably the most attractive part for a younger female would be that she can pretty much rest assured that what she sees is what she is going to get, as at that stage in life we are not apt to put on alot of aires for the sake of social graces or impressing a younger mate.

That would be my take on it anyway...

[vaguely dissatisfied]

My random thoughts on this subject..............................

Younger women are more attractive than older women, but so are younger men more attractive than older men. Don't kid yourself into thinking that men have a larger window of 'attractiveness' than women based on physical attributes. Men in their 50's & 60's don't look near as good as men in their 20's & 30's. Youth is more attractive than age for both it's beauty and it's ability.

However, because most women are physically, intellectually, and emotionally attracted to another adult based on the other person's physical attractiveness, intelligence level, compatability, durability, etc. and most men are predominantly physically attracted to another adult based on the other person's physical attractiveness, men are given a wider 'attractiveness' scale than women which includes, but is not exclusive to physical attractiveness.

The other thought I had was that a man would be willing to 'buy' the affections of a woman even if he knew that the woman found him repulsive, whereas, a woman would be much less likely to allow this sort of coupling to happen to her. So, an older man will marry a young, beautiful woman even with the knowledge that she is repulsed by him because what is important to him is that he has what he wants and needs, whereas, an older woman is more interested in pleasing everyone (not just herself) and so is repulsed by the thought that her partner might not find her physically attractive.

[Bandit]

My random thoughts on this subject..............................

Younger women are more attractive than older women, but so are younger men more attractive than older men. Don't kid yourself into thinking that men have a larger window of 'attractiveness' than women based on physical attributes. Men in their 50's & 60's don't look near as good as men in their 20's & 30's. Youth is more attractive than age for both it's beauty and it's ability.

However, because most women are physically, intellectually, and emotionally attracted to another adult based on the other person's physical attractiveness, intelligence level, compatability, durability, etc. and most men are predominantly physically attracted to another adult based on the other person's physical attractiveness, men are given a wider 'attractiveness' scale than women which includes, but is not exclusive to physical attractiveness.

The other thought I had was that a man would be willing to 'buy' the affections of a woman even if he knew that the woman found him repulsive, whereas, a woman would be much less likely to allow this sort of coupling to happen to her. So, an older man will marry a young, beautiful woman even with the knowledge that she is repulsed by him because what is important to him is that he has what he wants and needs, whereas, an older woman is more interested in pleasing everyone (not just herself) and so is repulsed by the thought that her partner might not find her physically attractive.

Interesting take on it.. However I still don't understand what could then hold together relationships in which the woman is say 10 to 15 years older than the male..

[vaguely dissatisfied]

Interesting take on it.. However I still don't understand what could then hold together relationships in which the woman is say 10 to 15 years older than the male..
The exception to the rule. There are quite a few women out there that are attracted to men based mostly on how they look. I don't think they are the majority, but they are definately a significant minority. As a matter of fact two of my three sisters are cougars (5-7 year difference in age to their husbands). And they don't like it when their men gain weight.

[Mafiaangel180]

Interesting take on it.. However I still don't understand what could then hold together relationships in which the woman is say 10 to 15 years older than the male..

Sex!!

Supposedly there's that whole sexual peak thing. Guys are supposed to hit theirs in their early twenties, and women are supposed to hit theirs in their 30s.

[terencec]

Sex!!

Supposedly there's that whole sexual peak thing. Guys are supposed to hit theirs in their early twenties, and women are supposed to hit theirs in their 30s.

I heard women sexual peak is aound 40. Need to ask some older women to know!

Does it mean sense, 30s and 40s is not good age to have babies for women? Women bodies do not design correctly. I think women sexual peak should be around 18yo. That is the best time to have baby.





terencec added to this post, 8 minutes and 11 seconds later...


However, because most women are physically, intellectually, and emotionally attracted to another adult based on the other person's physical attractiveness, intelligence level, compatability, durability, etc. and most men are predominantly physically attracted to another adult based on the other person's physical attractiveness, men are given a wider 'attractiveness' scale than women which includes, but is not exclusive to physical attractiveness.

I believe this is the major reason

The other thought I had was that a man would be willing to 'buy' the affections of a woman even if he knew that the woman found him repulsive, whereas, a woman would be much less likely to allow this sort of coupling to happen to her. So, an older man will marry a young, beautiful woman even with the knowledge that she is repulsed by him because what is important to him is that he has what he wants and needs, whereas, an older woman is more interested in pleasing everyone (not just herself) and so is repulsed by the thought that her partner might not find her physically attractive.[/QUOTE]

This is another reason I believe. That is why I think men are less rational in relationship than women usually.

[comfortofeyes]

I think I read something saying that women feel they are older than they are when they reach a certain level of age. I personally prefer to marry someone older than me. Women grow up fast and need those who have a life experience and know really how to react with soft creatures like women.

[vaguely dissatisfied]

I think I read something saying that women feel they are older than they are when they reach a certain level of age. I personally prefer to marry someone older than me. Women grow up fast and need those who have a life experience and know really how to react with soft creatures like women.
Men with life experience are not necessarily better at dealing with women (soft or otherwise) than younger men. In many cases a jackass older man was a jackass as a younger man and a mature older man was a mature younger man.

There is a small percentage of the population that matures with age, but don't anticipate that it is a given.