INTJs and speed-dating

[seoa]

so... i'm booked onto a speed-dating evening in a couple of weeks, and i have a couple of questions for you INTJs...

1. would *any* of you consider attending speed-dating (in the 25-35 age group)..?

2. assuming you were there, how could an enfp attract your attention in the prescribed 3 minutes? what kind of questions would engage your interest?

3. and how would you present during those 10 * 3-mins... what kind of questions might you be likely to ask me - the generic, or something more offbeat? would you make an effort to dial-down the infamous intj-stare, or would it be fully evident?

4. any other advice...?

:)

[Malotis]

Yeah sure I'd consider it though I don't think I'd be accepted being a bit underage.

Hmm... How would an enfp attract my attention in 3 minutes. Besides the obvious physical attributes that are often deemed appealing, not to mention obvious displays of superior intelligence, anything unique or out of the ordinary that sets her apart from your typical everyday woman is what would attract me the most. Any question that I wouldn’t expect to be asked in a dating game would interest me.

How would I present myself in 3 minutes? Probably not so great I'm told I don't give off the greatest of first impressions. Knowing me I would over think and over analyze all the questions I could ask and give them much more weight than they're probably worth. Though I’d probably start off with something like, "So what's your favorite thing to do?" or "Do you read? If so what are some of your favorite books?" If this is what you'd consider generic then it would probably be followed by something more offbeat. Also, the "infamous intj stare" would be fully evident.

Only other advice I'd give would be just be yourself. Presenting yourself as someone you are not can only lead to disaster in my book. Also, don't let it get to you if it doesn't work out. Who knows what the future holds in store for any of us?

[Exponential]

1. Yes, I plan to do this in the future.

2. Anything N, theoretical, hypothetical. "Be yourself". If you fit into our ideal mate model, we will select you.

3. I have already calculated the most efficient strategy would be to focus on N-type hypothetical questions and conversation, while avoiding the usual "so, what do you do" S factual stuff. This strategy provides a method to disguard 85% of candidates (S's) immediately if they do not respond positively to such questioning. On that basis, everone's favourite topic is themselves, so open discussions with something that takes them into their mind with a self focus for example, "imagine you were stranded on a desert island, what 5 things would you hope to have with you". S types will give out a rote list of items with minimal exploration of the idea of being stranded on a desert island. N-types will respond with greater enthusiasm, and typically provide deeper and more elaborate responses, for example an N might say: "well, if it is sunny i would need X, but then if i took that i would not have enough items to also take that, so, blah blah something else more imagining response here".

In other words, N's will typically go into an idea and explore it, while S's natural state would be to come out of the idea as soon as was possible.

Yes, I can and do make a concious effort to smile and be flirty when the situation calls for it.

4. nope.

There are some interesting studies about mate selection in speed dating available on the internet, although most of those re-enfoce things you could already guess, the summary of points from memory are:
* Males typically tick 2/3's of the people they meet while females typically tick 1/2. (Obviously, no INTJ's participated in those studies ;))
* Female selectiveness increases with the number of males in the room.
* Males get "desperate" towards the end and are much more likely to tick to know the last few females they meet in the evening (females show no such pattern).
* Females are more likely to tick to know the first person they meet at the event.

[Elfrun]

1. would *any* of you consider attending speed-dating (in the 25-35 age group)..?

Doubtful but I'll never say never! In all seriousness it's probably a better option than going to the pub/club scene cause small talk is limited given the time you have and can choose never to see someone again :thinking:

2. assuming you were there, how could an enfp attract your attention in the prescribed 3 minutes? what kind of questions would engage your interest?

Being witty/funny, at ease, showing a genuine interest in talking to me. Questions that were more thoughtful then "um... so what do you do for a living... :rolleyes:" would be a good start. Questions that indicated intelligence would be intriguing and get my attention as long as they didn't sound rehearsed.

3. and how would you present during those 10 * 3-mins... what kind of questions might you be likely to ask me - the generic, or something more offbeat? would you make an effort to dial-down the infamous intj-stare, or would it be fully evident?

I'd probably come across like I didn't care too much and was not trying, I'd make smart@ss cracks and try to put you at ease if you were nervous, I'd try to keep the questions focused on you cause it's more comfortable for me that way. I'd want to know what you were passionate about and pick up any passing comment you made that we may share an interest in and direct the conversation that-a way. Personally I'd also be trying to type you so I'd ask some questions to decipher your motivation/thinking etc.

:suspicious: <-- that wouldn't come out to your face ;)

4. any other advice...?

Understand first impressions may not be our best presentation of our true selves.


Make sure you come back and tell us how it went...

[seoa]

3. I have already calculated the most efficient strategy would be to focus on N-type hypothetical questions and conversation, while avoiding the usual "so, what do you do" S factual stuff.
"calculated" :) that's great advice tho - i hadn't thought about it in those terms, but excluding Ss would work very well for me.....

open discussions with something that takes them into their mind with a self focus for example, "imagine you were stranded on a desert island, what 5 things would you hope to have with you".
hmmm... i'm gonna steal that question. don't suppose you have any more up your sleeve, that i could borrow?

so when you do get out there on the SD circuit, i'll be the brunette using all your questions :)





seoa added to this post, 4 minutes and 57 seconds later...

Questions that indicated intelligence would be intriguing and get my attention
see, that makes me nervous... how do i show sufficient intelligence to gain intj-respect in one question.... :anxious:
Make sure you come back and tell us how it went...
absolutely... and since it's unlikely i'll find "the one" the first time out, it'll probably be a cyclical thing.... much scope for refining the approach....

[fonmaneal]

I may be going off topic a bit, but please bare with me.
In my opinion speed dating is taylored for INTJs.
One on one(not in a group).
Only 3 to 5 min.(keeps your attention[don't have to deal with them for long amount of time]{you can be to the points, with out social mistakes}).
For the most part, you know why they are there.
If for nothing else, you can be "out".



ps. I would suggest you have a plan, just dont script it.:)

[Bioplasmoid]

so... i'm booked onto a speed-dating evening in a couple of weeks, and i have a couple of questions for you INTJs...

1. would *any* of you consider attending speed-dating (in the 25-35 age group)..?

2. assuming you were there, how could an enfp attract your attention in the prescribed 3 minutes? what kind of questions would engage your interest?

3. and how would you present during those 10 * 3-mins... what kind of questions might you be likely to ask me - the generic, or something more offbeat? would you make an effort to dial-down the infamous intj-stare, or would it be fully evident?

4. any other advice...?

:)

1. Umm maybe. Actually Id rather help with such an event so I can watch from the sidelines!

2. Smile Genuinely, (if there is such a thing)...Also she would engage my attention by asking serious questions about beliefs and goals, but blended with a healthy mix of light hearted questions, such as favourite food/music types,etc...

3. I would ask you all about yourself. :p

4. I would suggest (if you are certain that those you speak with are introverted), to avoid speaking about overly emotional or political subjects.

[Exponential]

hmmm... i'm gonna steal that question. don't suppose you have any more up your sleeve, that i could borrow?

"Imagine you are out one day, walking along the white cliffs of dover with two people, a family member very close to you on one side, and the love of your life on the other. Suddenly, a big gust of wind came along, and knocked both of those people over the cliff, but they were just hanging on by their finger tips, you managed to stay on top of the cliff. You can only save on of those people. Who would you instinctivly reach for to save?"

Someone asked me a similar question once, I totally missed the point about only saving one of them, and spent half hour coming up with ideas about like getting a big stick or piece of rope that just happened to be nearby which they could both grab on to, and various other solutions.

You could also link in those types of questions to also finding things about their personal beliefs and values.

Here are some others, working along those lines:
1) "If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live and why"
(do they choose to live in a party town, somewhere quiet, somewhere bohemian, stay where they are near all their friends etc)

2) "Imagine if you won a million pounds on the lottery next saturday, what would you do with the money"
Answers might be along the lines of:
SP: buy a flashy car and yacht, material things
xF: (strong F) primarily give to charity, family & friends
NT/NF: self exploration and discovery, books, travel the world
SJ: Security, buy a house and put the rest into a pension fund

Once again, the more elaborate/descriptive/detailed the response and the longer they spend thinking and talking about it, the more N the person is. The answers are not so much about face value, but their underlying desires and objectives.

If you only have 3 minutes of talking, assuming 20 seconds for quick introductions, that leaves 80 seconds talking per person, so i'm not sure if you could fit in more than one of these at a time, unless the person sitting opposite you just gave 1 word answers to everything :rolleyes: ... if they did that I would assume such a person was a total S and probably a bit thick also.

so when you do get out there on the SD circuit, i'll be the brunette using all your questions :)
heh, looking forward to it ;)

[Elfrun]

see, that makes me nervous... how do i show sufficient intelligence to gain intj-respect in one question.... :anxious:

*gulp* sorry :rolleyes:

It isn't as scary as you might think nor as hard, just don't act like a giggling fool. Typically us INTJ's like and click with ENFP's so just be yourself and that should shine through ;)