Love and Dating, Part 2: How INTJs Show Interest

[curiousjane]

Okay INTJs ... it is up to you to answer the eternal question: How can I tell if my INTJ is interested in me romantically?

Please be specific.

If you need prompts, these are some good topics to touch on. Choose one, or a few, or all, or none (your call):

1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person?
2. How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye?
3. Is there ever such a thing as too much interest shown by the other party?
4. Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you?
5. Do you take risks in relationships?
6. Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow?
7. What is your opinion on the existence of "love at first sight"?
8. What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a relationship?
9. On a first date, how do you usually act?
10. Would you ask your date out again?
11. How would you like to be approached by an interested person?
12. How long does it take for you to decide to date exclusively?
13. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody?

And ... for those in current relationships:

14. How do you keep the relationship going?
15. What challenges do you face in expressing your love?
16. What signals should a confused partner look for in order to be assured of continued interest?

Of course, these are only suggestions. Just answer the questions as honestly as you can.

[Freak87]

this is a good idea curiousjane, as I am too interested in this and take part blame for leading us off topic last time...(:

[hyper84]

1. I just start small talking with them. It's hard on me, but I do it. I try to throw in something funny, or if we hit an interesting topic, I try to say something intelligent and then smile and look into her eyes.
2. I would smile and go over and say hi if she's physically attractive and/or doing something particularly interesting to me.
3. Yes, but it's hard to do and really only applies if the feeling isn't mutual. It happens.
4. Yes, but I would ask them to lunch or coffee to talk about something "interesting."
5. In relationships or to get into relationships? No to the former; yes to the latter.
6. I go with the flow. Nothing is worse than coming on too strongly. You risk turning off a potential friend at least.
7. Love at first sight is a biochemical reaction to someone you find physically attractive. Possibly they look/act like your mother :)
8. I don't really know what you are asking. Body language is typically an unconscious thing, so I try to interpret these gestures as best I can. It can be a little nerve-racking and uncomfortable, and I don't usually do them. I do like it though.
9. I act interested in my date as a person. I ask a lot of questions and try to be funny or interesting. I notice details in how she dresses and compliment what I like.
10. Yes if I still like her at the end.
11. If they approach, I like it. Doesn't really matter how.
12. It depends. Three or four dates?
13. Nervous body language, trying to hard to be funny, paying a lot of attention to her, complimenting her at all (I never give compliments on physical appearance unless it's for a purpose).

[the1eyedking]

I don't like dating.

I'm not really sure what the purpose of dating is. Is it to get to know someone ? or is it the exchange of Dinner and an after dinner activity, for sex ?

If its to get to know someone why can't I ask these questions on the first date:

What are your thoughts on Marriage ?
What are your thoughts on Children ?
What are your thoughts on Divorce ?
What are your thoughts on Separate or combined residences ?
What are your thoughts on Sex ?
What are your thoughts on Religion ?

I would think that a big difference of belief in anyone of those things would negate the need for further "Getting to know you" sessions.

How do I show interest ?

I unnn.... act like I'm interested in you. If I treat the rest of the world with detachment any interest I show in you is genuine.

If I ask how your day went, and then ask questions about specific events.
If I get you something because "I know you're running low/out".
If I give you 2 tickets to something I know you want to go to. (You are going to have to ask me to come with you)
If I remember the small details of your life. (Name of a pet, Where you went to school, etc)
If I act in an odd way to spend time with you. (Driving you somewhere when someone else could do it easier or faster)
If I take a genuine interest in solving a problem your having. (Its what I'm good at)

I am rock. Steady, Enduring, Sheltering, Eternal.

[Seppuku Savant]

1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person?
I would start by making small talk. Most likely something of mutual interest.

2. How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye?
lf I found them attractive and knew they were interested, I would engage. If I knew them to be distasteful in some way or they approached me in an unsavory manner, I'd ignore them.

3. Is there ever such a thing as too much interest shown by the other party?
Yes. Stalking is illegal.

4. Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you?
I do it quite often since I'm generally the pursuer. I always get to know someone that's piqued my interest.

5. Do you take risks in relationships?
No

6. Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow?
Go with the flow. Avoid getting into any kind of commitment until I've properly assessed their character and personality.

7. What is your opinion on the existence of "love at first sight"?
No

8. What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a relationship?
If it's before sex than I'm very guarded. After, I'm fine with the other person being touchy feely.

9. On a first date, how do you usually act?
Calm. I pay attention to their body language and if it correlates with what they're saying. I like to know if someone is comfortable in their own skin.

10. Would you ask your date out again?
If I felt everything they said to me was honest. If their personality and interests were compatible.

11. How would you like to be approached by an interested person?
In a sincere or light hearted manner.

12. How long does it take for you to decide to date exclusively?
3 Months

13. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody? If I take the time to ask questions concerning them and their life. I only investigate what I truly want to know more of.

[Homini Lupus]

Ok, I'll try to help, even if I may look too bitter

1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person?
Staring.
2. How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye?
Staring.
3. Is there ever such a thing as too much interest shown by the other party?
Whenever they make me feel trapped
4. Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you?
Maybe
5. Do you take risks in relationships?
Generally too many, screwing up, or none at all.
6. Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow?
I generally consider myself the actor, not the object. This means that sometimes it is difficult to me to see it as a game (two actors involved) problem.
7. What is your opinion on the existence of "love at first sight"?
Crap. It is based on silly movies and luck.
8. What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a relationship?
It is unknown to me. I may understand it theoretically.
9. On a first date, how do you usually act?
I screw up everything.
10. Would you ask your date out again?
That depends too much on the current situation to have a general answer.
11. How would you like to be approached by an interested person?
Simply asking to do something together.
12. How long does it take for you to decide to date exclusively?
I don't know.
13. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody?
Saying it clearly.

[Elfrun]

Hear, hear the1eyedking, those questions should be mandatory!


1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person?
Strong eye contact and small talk as already mentioned.

2. How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye?
Shy/coy, deflect with humour.

3. Is there ever such a thing as too much interest shown by the other party?
Yes, I run away, very fast from smothers, don't tell me how deeply you care about me if we've only just met, it sounds fake and I can't take anything you say seriously when you do that!

4. Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you?
Distinct interest? Kinda subjective, but yes, with perceived interest whether or not the signs are misread, done this several times.

5. Do you take risks in relationships?
Historically not really, in the future I’d like to, for me a risk is exposing myself.

6. Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow?
Flow, never know where you'll end up.

7. What is your opinion on the existence of "love at first sight"?
Why not *shrug... starts looking*

8. What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a relationship?
I like huggles ;) simple gestures from both sides can be reassuring but don't fawn over me in public.

9. On a first date, how do you usually act?
Nervous without showing it, generally this means overcompensating but talking lots and keeping the conversation focused on the other person.

10. Would you ask your date out again?
Um... yeah if I was interested in getting to know him, what’s the point otherwise?

11. How would you like to be approached by an interested person?
Gently but directly.

12. How long does it take for you to decide to date exclusively?
I wouldn't 'date' more than one person at a time so I'd decide pretty quickly if he was a keeper.

13. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody?
Hmm... don't know, usually tell them ;)

And ... for those in current relationships:
:p

[Cygnus]

Trinity's replies nice cover how I would reply as well...so I'll just say ditto.

I will add...for me

13. A dead give away would be me looking for ways to make her feel special.

[konec]

1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person?
Nothing special i guess... maybe thats the problem...

2. How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye?
Usually i dont notice it... i've had friends of mine go crazy over me not acting on something they said was obvious, but i just dont see the difference...
The times that I did meet someone on a random occasion, I dont remember how the whole meeting thing started so not much to learn from that other than things sometimes just go naturally...

3. Is there ever such a thing as too much interest shown by the other party?
yes, i will feel very uncomfortable and threatened if there is way too much interest shwon.

4. Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you?
If I had enough interest in her...maybe

5. Do you take risks in relationships?
trying to get one is a big risk already...

6. Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow?
I tend to do that, but thats something im working on, reminding myself everytime to just see where it goes... but its so hard.

7. What is your opinion on the existence of "love at first sight"?
Love? no

8. What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a relationship?
I like

9. On a first date, how do you usually act?
Depends for a big part on the other person. 2 months ago, i was on a date with a girl and right from the start we were very open to eachother. And she was also very direct, which I liked a lot and havent experienced before in a girl.

10. Would you ask your date out again?
If I were interested, yes.

11. How would you like to be approached by an interested person?
Very, very casually... If someone would come up to me and said she has an interest in me, I would feel a bit uncomfortable and go into shy/stumbling mode.

12. How long does it take for you to decide to date exclusively?
From the start? Besides the fact that they dont line up for me so it doesnt happen that I date more than one person in a certain period, it would be hard to cope with more than one (I would probably start to mix them up; facts about them that it, not names). And it somehow feels dishonest to me, like I am already cheating before we actually have started...

13. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody?
Going on a second date?

[Freak87]

From an ENFP point of view

Hear, hear the1eyedking, those questions should be mandatory!

1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person?
I always end up staring at my crush, and when they look at me, I look away! fast! truthfully, look to them, look away, while talking and flirtatiously giggling, moving around...with other people of course. not alone. thats weird.

2. How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye?
mirror their humor (as a defense), smile back/act flirtatious, or just keep looking at them trying to figure out whats going on.

3. Is there ever such a thing as too much interest shown by the other party?
Yes- oh MAN. when guys are like drooling over you, and they're like, I want to get to know you more and they BARELY know you. its not genuine attraction. its just desperate behavior. I can see right through that.

4. Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you?
yes...I am very outgoing and just assumes everyones happy- everyone likes me- woo-hoo!

5. Do you take risks in relationships?
yes, very much, and it's worth it, always. helps me grow and really decipher what I want out of relationships.

6. Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow?
depends on what you mean by contact. I go with the flow but I always want to know how the other person is feeling- it's frustrating when I don't know if I'm pointing out too much. I need stability as far as commitment if we're dating (exclusive) if we're casual, then, no, i just hope and go with the flow.

7. What is your opinion on the existence of "love at first sight"?
don't believe it. one of the worst ideas ever. i dont even believe in attraction at first sight, much less love. many people i have grown to be attracted to or end up in a relationship with did not strike me first sight.

8. What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a relationship?
I LOVE physical affection. good for every-time. depends on what the partner wants too.

9. On a first date, how do you usually act?
really excited. ask a lot about the person. share a lot about myself. open and guarded at the same time.

10. Would you ask your date out again?
hopefully the guy would ask...if he didn't- i might consider ending it.

11. How would you like to be approached by an interested person?
just as a friend- start getting to know me

12. How long does it take for you to decide to date exclusively?
I wouldn't date until hm...knowing them for at least two months- hopefully longer. i prefer to get to know people in group settings in with friends.

13. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody?
I talk about them all the time. i talk in a high screechy voice when i talk to them. playful banter. compliments. fishing for compliments...indirect comments "so what do you think about me?" also, i light up (: and i talk to them about what they are interested in. touch them...lots of things

[zibber]

1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person?
Appealing to their interests, clearly giving them more attention than others.

2. How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye?
If I were seriously interested and recognized their attempts, I'd definitely show my interest.

3. Is there ever such a thing as too much interest shown by the other party?
Well, don't crowd me. It is nice if there's some challenge, but too little interest can lead to a bail-out.

4. Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you?
Probably not.

5. Do you take risks in relationships?
Not really.

6. Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow?
Well, it's definitely nice to have some mutual definition of what the hell you're doing.

7. What is your opinion on the existence of "love at first sight"?
That really depends on the context, but it is quite a useless phrase.

8. What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a relationship?
The other party needs to be sensitive as to when I need my own space, which will happen quite often if we're seeing a lot of each other.

9. On a first date, how do you usually act?
Interested and accomodating.

10. Would you ask your date out again?
I definitely attempt to secure a follow-up before the end of it.

11. How would you like to be approached by an interested person?
A proposal for a rendez-vous somehow relating to my interests.

12. How long does it take for you to decide to date exclusively?
I think exclusivity is more or less a given with INTJs.

13. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody?
Frank compliments, increasing in frequency.

And ... for those in current relationships:

14. How do you keep the relationship going?
Generally just making somewhat of an effort to make time for the other person, even if my interest takes a dip.

15. What challenges do you face in expressing your love?
Keeping it spontaneous. My gf is quite E, and requires a lot of eye contact and verbal assurance. To me, that tends to turn into pressure, which leads to generic (but seemingly sincere, I would guess) gestures on my part, which feel trite as shit.

16. What signals should a confused partner look for in order to be assured of continued interest?
As I said, measuring the sincerity is virtually impossible. I guess answering my phone more often than not is a good sign (even if I don't answer sometimes). Generally, I feel that the less I (feel pressured to) generically express my feelings, the more I'm starting to feel relaxed, which is probably a good sign.

[punkyplatypus]

1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person?
Depends on the girl. A clever joke, a compliment, showing interest in spending time together again, buying them a drink, faking interest in something they're interested in, flirting...

2. How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye?
Probably ignore it :laugh:
She'd have to really show that she liked me before I play along.

3. Is there ever such a thing as too much interest shown by the other party?
I can see how it could get annoying, but if I like her then I tend to not have a problem with how much she is interested in me. It's not like she could resist :cool:
I guess crazy obsessions (like making a doll out of my hair) would be where I draw the line.

4. Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you?
Maybe if I get desperate enough, but not yet. I try to be absolutely sure she is willing; I don't want to waste my time or hers.

5. Do you take risks in relationships?
Other than being in the relationship, not really.

6. Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow?
I think important for everyone to be on the same page, so defining the relationship is a must.

7. What is your opinion on the existence of "love at first sight"?
I believe that it's a good way to flatter an existing girl friend.

8. What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a relationship?
What's the point if you can't touch each other? If I just wanted to talk & hang out, then I push for a friendship. I expect physical affection in a romantic relationship, to be given and received.

9. On a first date, how do you usually act?
Casual as I'd act with a friend, but with holding hands and maybe some cuddling or kissing. I'd probably pay for it all, too.

10. Would you ask your date out again?
If I asked or agreed to go in the first place, then I must really like her. Unless she was obviously unsatisfied, I would.

11. How would you like to be approached by an interested person?
Any way that doesn't cause too much attention, but get to the point. Too much small talk and I'm likely to look at my watch & escape because "I'm late!"

12. How long does it take for you to decide to date exclusively?
Before the first date. It's how I roll.

13. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody?
*unzips* :blank:
If I don't know her well enough, I look at her when she's not looking but would have a hard time looking at her if she were looking at me. If I do know her well, I'd tell her :cheesy:

[Uytuun]

I'm painfully subtle and absolutely clueless as how to intrpret signals from the object of my affection...this means I'm also never sure if someone likes me which then makes me even more careful in expressing my affection for them. In highschool I was often told I didn't push the tip of the crayon hard enough on the paper for there to be clearly visibly colour pay-off on it, this is my problem with showing interest too. Rationally, I know it's ridiculous, but when I'm truly in love, the powerful emotions make for a very conflicting mixture of excitement and pure terror...it's all good and well wen the person doesn't reciprocate and I can happily fantasise on (not in that way :p), but when he all of a sudden does, I have no idea what to do...I'd be sad when the signals stop and I'd panic if they continue...which I ultimately would love them to do, getting more obvious as they go on.

To an extent I can force myself to get over it, but let's say the outlook of a an evening with a person I'm in love with is nerve-wrecking more than fun, although I do unwind as the evening progresses.

Very confusing all of it.

[changos]

Please be specific. OK!, I hope we can learn a lot from this

If you need prompts, these are some good topics to touch on. Choose one, or a few, or all, or none (your call):

1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person?
I say something unexpected, bright or funny. I also ask the person her name looking straight in her eyes with a nice smile. A flirt.

2. How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye?
Sorry, I'm stupid at this... very distracted, but when I realize I smile, approach and talk.

3. Is there ever such a thing as too much interest shown by the other party?
Yes, getting too close to me or grabbing me. Or looking too much in the eyes. Also if we are already in communication, I hate being called on the phone every day. (I was stalked before so I take my cautions)

4. Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you?
Absolutely.

5. Do you take risks in relationships?
Yes. I love it.

6. Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow?
I try to let it be, but I tell her quickly I'm not looking for friendship, I avoid ambiguity. I'm directly honest with my intentions. Is giving me good results.

7. What is your opinion on the existence of "love at first sight"?
Love takes time, is not instantly born... but I have been in weird situations where magically the woman I like make me say poetry and amazing things instantly. It activates certain parts of my brain I usually don't use :)

8. What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a relationship?
They are needed as a communication and sign of interest, care and how things are working out. I like them, I give them.

9. On a first date, how do you usually act?
Just like I am... kind, interesting talk, funny... I pay attention to her, I try to talk to get to know her and so she can know me. I try to get close and some physical affection. Aaaalways looking to her eyes, no matter how gorgeous she is.

10. Would you ask your date out again?
Only if we get along.

11. How would you like to be approached by an interested person?
Jane!!! did you have to ask this? ok: get close and just say "she should go out, don't you think?" I love direct talk.

12. How long does it take for you to decide to date exclusively?
The first date.

13. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody?
I don't understand the expression "dead give away" :(


And ... for those in current relationships: (I'm alone but just ended one relationship)

14. How do you keep the relationship going?
A little of everything. I try to explore every aspect on every terrain possible: responsibility, fun, work... etc.


15. What challenges do you face in expressing your love?
None, I open up plenty.

16. What signals should a confused partner look for in order to be assured of continued interest?
I'm there. If Im not interested I stay far away.

Of course, these are only suggestions. Just answer the questions as honestly as you can.[/quote]


Ok, wheres my candy??? :suspicious:

[einnelsate]

1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person?
eye contact, as mentioned

2. How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye?
if its a joke and if it isnt funny, be honest with them and say it isnt. if its staring.. i'd act indifferent.

3. Is there ever such a thing as too much interest shown by the other party?
yes. and its not nice.

4. Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you?
yes!

5. Do you take risks in relationships?
absolutely.

6. Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow?
i tell him what i want, dont like beating around the bush.

7. What is your opinion on the existence of "love at first sight"?
it may exist, but for now, not for me.

8. What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a relationship?
if the situation calls for it.

9. On a first date, how do you usually act?
be the way i am normally. why should i change myself? i'd be deceiving the both of us.

10. Would you ask your date out again?
that depends on how i feel about him and how he feels about me.

11. How would you like to be approached by an interested person?
it'd be interesting to go on a date with a completely random person.

12. How long does it take for you to decide to date exclusively?
it depends in the date.

13. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody?
when i stare at him too much and makes it obvious. dead giveaway.

[wolf]

Okay INTJs ... it is up to you to answer the eternal question: How can I tell if my INTJ is interested in me romantically?
This is not easy.

1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person?
I don't.

2. How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye?
I would be completely oblivious to the fact they were trying.

3. Is there ever such a thing as too much interest shown by the other party?
Yes, but it matters on whether I'm interested in them. If I don't like them, it's easy for there to be too much.

4. Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you?
No

5. Do you take risks in relationships?
Getting involved in one is a risk. I try to minimize them.

6. Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow?
I prefer definition, but not everyone likes to define things clearly. They need to define it, as I wouldn't want them to do something they didn't want to.

7. What is your opinion on the existence of "love at first sight"?
Bollocks. You can have lust at first sight, but that's about all. Attraction after a small amount of communication could occur, though. There is the potential for genetic compatibility at first sniff, too.

8. What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a relationship?
I love cuddling/hugging/etc.

9. On a first date, how do you usually act?
Normally. But I don't really date.

10. Would you ask your date out again?
I don't really date.

11. How would you like to be approached by an interested person?
Straightforwardly.

12. How long does it take for you to decide to date exclusively?
There's a period when you might not? I'm new to most of the concepts.

13. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody?
I make an effort to be around them, communicate with them, etc. It's a clear indicator.


14. How do you keep the relationship going?
See 13.

15. What challenges do you face in expressing your love?
Fear that they are not fully willing/interested will cause me to avoid expressing it. Even if they are clear about it, there is always the uncertainty of motive. An effect of past experiences, no doubt.

16. What signals should a confused partner look for in order to be assured of continued interest?
See 13.

[Tenacious B]

1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person?
I would talk to her (as opposed to ignoring her) and make funny yet intelligent comments.

2. How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye?
I wouldn't realize that my eye is trying to be caught. Well, at least not in real-time.

3. Is there ever such a thing as too much interest shown by the other party?
Yes.

4. Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you?
I won't discount it outright, but it is highly unlikely.

5. Do you take risks in relationships?
Sometimes, especially if the risk is saying something unexpected or controversial.

6. Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow?
Flow, which we've discussed before.

7. What is your opinion on the existence of "love at first sight"?
It sounds absurd, but a few times I have been struck just by meeting eyes with someone (2-3 times in my life).

8. What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a relationship?
Beats verbal, but tone it down around others.

9. On a first date, how do you usually act?
Uncomfortably, if it is a true first date, which I don't really do.

10. Would you ask your date out again?
If we got along well.

11. How would you like to be approached by an interested person?
Directly, it is the only hope for me to realize I'm being approached.

12. How long does it take for you to decide to date exclusively?
That's the only form of dating I'm willing to take part in.

13. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody?
Talk to her a lot, especially if I tease her frequently.

14. How do you keep the relationship going?
Whatever it is, it hasn't worked yet.

15. What challenges do you face in expressing your love?
Verbal displays of love all seem incredibly corny to me, so I avoid them.

16. What signals should a confused partner look for in order to be assured of continued interest?

See question 13, if I seek her out then it means my interest is continuing.

[volk]

1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person?
I'd make sure I am where they can see me :P
2. How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye?
I would try to be as relaxed as possible and make sure they have easy access to me.
3. Is there ever such a thing as too much interest shown by the other party?
Usually it's done by people I don't even want to talk to.. I hate it!
4. Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you?
I do. I'm not afraid of it, thought I have considered the fact that it might scare of certain people who could actually turn out as good partners.
5. Do you take risks in relationships?
Could you be a bit more speciffic?
6. Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow?
After I say "Kiss me!" and she goes for it I know I have bought myself plenty of time to figure out if she is worth it :P.
7. What is your opinion on the existence of "love at first sight"?
Somehow when you really get struck by love at first sight it always lasts for a long time.. Maybe it has to do with intuition.. Yes I do believe that its a good sign if you start liking some one the moment you see them. Though you must consider the posibility that the person might have some more subtle flaws.
8. What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a relationship?
Kissing and hugging is very important in order to be happy in a relationship. It just makes two people come so much closer.
9. On a first date, how do you usually act?
I wait for the right moment and say "Kiss me!".. never failed this far :D
10. Would you ask your date out again?
Of course that highly depends on the date in question.
11. How would you like to be approached by an interested person?
Challenge me with interesting questions and arguments
14. How do you keep the relationship going?
By discussing all the problems that come along
15. What challenges do you face in expressing your love?
The need to be alone does not always go hand in hand with being a loving person.
16. What signals should a confused partner look for in order to be assured of continued interest?
That I'm always ready to spend my time on them and can prioritize them before my personal interests.

[PortInStorm]

[QUOTE=curiousjane;128355]
1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person?
-I try to make smart-ass responses
-ask them questions in areas of their expertise so that they associate the good feelings of competence with me (I guess that could be misleading if they consequently think I'm inept.)

2. How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye?
-Brush by them, very close physically
- raise one eyebrow and give a little verbal jab to see if they can laugh at themselves, engage, and give one back. I want that in a partner, the sexiest thing ever. If they get offended, or defensive by expounding on their boundless personal assets- no.

3. Is there ever such a thing as too much interest shown by the other party?
Yes
- don't tell me you love me in the first couple of months
- don't call me constantly
- don't get angry if I immediately can't spend all my time with you, or drop everything and come running
- don't come to me with all your problems with no ideas of how to solve them. Bouncing ideas off of me is cool, me rescuing you is not
- in general, keep your own life, and gradually invite me into it. Don't make me your whole world

4. Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you?
No- I don't need a relationship that badly (plus I'm married). If you don't have backbone enough even to express interest, never mind ask me out, I'm not interested. I'm not into fixer-uppers.

5. Do you take risks in relationships?
Yes, if I want it badly enough, but the near certainty of interest has to be there first.

6. Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow?
Go with the flow, definitely. I love relationships that are unusual, undefined, fluid- I feel less constrained that way. Like I can make it whatever I need it to be. Or what's best for the other person.

7. What is your opinion on the existence of "love at first sight"?
Stupid.

8. What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a relationship?
Bring it on! I love touch, but in private. Handholding or a quick peck in public, max. The only exception to this is when I'm hot, annoyed, or feel totally disconnected to the person at the moment.

9. On a first date, how do you usually act?
Someone else said talkative, very extroverted (I'm always exhausted afterwards and need copious amounts of alone time), and keep the convo on them so that I haven't revealed to much if I need to bail, and so that I can figure the other person out. If I can't, and there's still more depth I can sense, I love it! That's what keeps me interested.... the sense of the not-yet-understood (maybe it bugs my "J").

10. Would you ask your date out again?
I'd maybe suggest an event they might be interested in that I'm going to, but no, not explicitly.

11. How would you like to be approached by an interested person?
- While I'm working on something else, or otherwise engaged, so that the focus is not on a possible romantic partnership.
- I find it incredibly sexy if they try to catch my eye and communicate that way while something else is going on, or
- if they stand closer than is necessary, or
- they support my side of an argument
- find reasonable ways to come see me, with resonable frequency, not stalker frequency ie. "Hey, I'll open that door for you" or "You're gonna need someone to help with that, I'll be there in a sec". Obviously, if I get the vibe that they just think I'm an imbicile that CAN'T do it, it's not sexy.
- and flirting, teasing- love that.

12. How long does it take for you to decide to date exclusively?
Don't think that's my right to impose. Until we're married (or very close to engagement), there's no exclusive. I'd appreciate it if the other let me know they're dating others, and don't like finding out by mistake, but it's their life until they make a commitment. That's what dating if for- if you go exclusive, how are you going to maximize your time for finding the best partner for you. Besides, I don't want to lose a partner's time completely because they felt they had to choose between them and me. Have both! I should mention- for me, there was no sex until a commitment, for obvious safety reasons and moral ones.

13. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody?
I feel endless energy and good humour, and very irritable if I haven't heard from them in a while- like withdrawal from a drug.

And ... for those in current relationships:

14. How do you keep the relationship going? Have lots of alone time, understanding, forgiveness and patience. Commitment is key.

15. What challenges do you face in expressing your love? Some people need it in unexpected ways, like not bringing up passionate topics of discussion, or just being there doing nothing, or going out with their mom. (????, oh well..)

16. What signals should a confused partner look for in order to be assured of continued interest?
- remembers details about your life
- initiates contact
- remembers birthday
- that sparkle in their eyes, of interest and good humour
- being close physically, or wishing they were, saying they miss you, or something you bring to the table

[Pirate1650]

Hmm...

Most are the same or normal responces so I'll just give the ones that are outstanding.

1. Something that requires skill for them. Cooking a meal, installing a car audio system... I guess I try to advertise my skill the most, I'm not sure why, I've been told I'm funny and in good shape, I could go with either of those but I guess I feel safer by showing what I'd do for them based in a skill I feel comfortable in, this is never dancing by the way.

9. Usually too quiet since I try not to be controversal since I have very opposite view points of most people around here (Massachusetts, not the forum). The other thing I do is justify everything I say or do both sides of the argument mostly out of being afraid of how my unconventional thoughts are going to land.

[BlackHawk]

Okay INTJs ... it is up to you to answer the eternal question: How can I tell if my INTJ is interested in me romantically?

Please be specific.

If you need prompts, these are some good topics to touch on. Choose one, or a few, or all, or none (your call):

1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person?
2. How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye?
3. Is there ever such a thing as too much interest shown by the other party?
4. Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you?
5. Do you take risks in relationships?
6. Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow?
7. What is your opinion on the existence of "love at first sight"?
8. What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a relationship?
9. On a first date, how do you usually act?
10. Would you ask your date out again?
11. How would you like to be approached by an interested person?
12. How long does it take for you to decide to date exclusively?
13. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody?

And ... for those in current relationships:

14. How do you keep the relationship going?
15. What challenges do you face in expressing your love?
16. What signals should a confused partner look for in order to be assured of continued interest?

Of course, these are only suggestions. Just answer the questions as honestly as you can.

1. I just try to be myself. I don't go out of my way to attract anyone.
2. If I'm open to the possibility of a relationship, but not really attached, I will usually reciprocate her signals, but I won't attempt to advance anything unless I've had an interest with said person for some time.
3. I haven't seen it yet.
4. Probably not. But this is more case by case. I'm certainly bold enough, but I rarely am attracted to people I don't know.
5. Every relationship is a jumble of risks. I try to limit them, but I have taken a few big risks in the past. In true INTJ fashion, though, I have a tendency to overanalyze every action in a relationship. So no needless risks, or stupid ones.
6. I just chill. It doesn't matter to me how my partner/the world defines my relationship, so long as I'm having a good time.
7. Meh . . . lust at first sight is common. But to actually become interested in a peron, I have to know her pretty well first.
8. No opinion, really. I try to accomodate my partner's desires.
9. Just like I always do. By the time I actually go on a date with a girl, she knows me well enough to know about my tendencies, and has accepted it.
10. I see no reason not to, if I'm still interested.
11. Something along the lines of: "Hey, I'm interested in a relationship with you. Is that ok?" No less direct, preferably. ;D
12. Once again, I'll know the person pretty well even before the first date, so I'll generally have a decision just one or two dates later.
13. "Hey, I like you. Do you want to try a relationship?" is at the top of that list, but I'll adjust for the situation. Usually I'm just as direct with others as I want them to be with me. Behaviorally, I'll flirt in the normal ways, joke a lot, stuff like that.

Great thread, Jane!

[mkay]

1. I saw my INTJ husband across a room while he was working, thought he was attractive. I didn't think more about it, didn't meet him. Maybe a week later, a friend and I happened across my INTJ and we struck up casual conversation. I'm friendly and direct, so that made his life much easier. He apparently liked my friendliness and looks from the start. His general shyness didn't put me off. He did a goofy imitation from a Far Side cartoon that charmed me. He made me laugh.
2. My INTJ asked me for coffee to continue the conversation. If he hadn't, I probably would have.
3. I would guess desperation wouldn't appeal to most people.
4. Don't know what my INTJ husband would've done: Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you?
5. My INTJ took emotional risks with me; don't know whether he did with other women.
6. My INTJ and I went with the flow as far as dating and beyond. It was pretty effortless.
7. Neither of us believes in love at first sight.
8. My INTJ is affectionate with me.
9. Both of us acted normally on our first date. Neither of us is into game-playing.
10. Doesn't apply: Would you ask your date out again?
11. In all things, he likes people who are direct. And he's not threatened by strong women, so it wouldn't have mattered if I'd asked him.
12. We started dating exclusively from the start. (I never juggled guys.) Funny, though, because I thought I'd date him for a bit and move on because I had career plans that involved moving away.
13. My INTJ told me pretty quickly that I had everything he was looking for. I wasn't looking for long term then because I was focused on my career. Much later, I came across a journal entry I'd made way before we met, and he had all the qualities I wanted in someone for a long-term relationship. His personality and character matched almost dead-on. I later realized that I hadn't put any physical descriptions on my list. My INTJ wasn't my usual physical type. So it was a good thing I hadn't filtered him out mentally.
14. We've been together for 17 years, 14 married. It's pretty effortless because we complement each other's weaknesses and we accept each other for who we are. We give each other plenty of alone time and independence, but we're always there for each other if needed. I can't imagine being married at all if I weren't married to my INTJ.
15. No challenges in expressing love. His way is more in actions than words -- like he takes great care of me. I take care of him, too, of course. I've always preferred actions to words. Neither of us is sentimental or into drama.
16. Can't answer this: What signals should a confused partner look for in order to be assured of continued interest?

[rahdam]

CJ, some of your previous posts here were very, very cool and I feel compelled to help you as best I can.

1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person?
Dress to impress, workout, flirt. If I want to catch the eye of another person, I will generally be very direct in my efforts to talk to them, though I will not reveal my intentions. I might also ask them to go running, biking, etc.

2. How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye?
If I find them unattractive, ignore.
If I'm not interested in a relationship with them, but they are attractive, mild flirtation to lead them on and feed my own ego.
If I'm interested in a relationship with them, and they are attractive, I will encourage your efforts by opening up to them. Additionally, I will not turn you down for anything. If I dont like you, I will turn you down for everything.

3. Is there ever such a thing as too much interest shown by the other party?
Yes, there is. If you are showing a lot of interest and I like you, I will probably cut to the chase and submit that we should enter into a real relationship. If I don't like you, you are wasting your time. Additionally, don't smother me, I don't like it.

4. Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you?
No. They need to show interest first. To be perfectly honest, although I am a dude, I take a very female perspective on my worth, in that I feel women need to win me over, which completely defies the current social paradigm where the men must win over the women.

5. Do you take risks in relationships?
Calculate risks where I can predict the outcome. I will not take a risk that has a high probability of rejection attached to it. I do this to protect myself emotionally. I am stone cold, but I can also be emotionally defenseless if I am not careful and become caught off guard.

6. Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow?
Yeah, I will define it. I will definitely make some definitive classification. It's in my nature, blame my Judging bias.

7. What is your opinion on the existence of "love at first sight"?
Does not exist. However, I do believe in love at first social interaction.

8. What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a relationship?
If I like you, I'm going to show you physically. I express myself well that way.

9. On a first date, how do you usually act?
I am to "keep it real". I won't compromise myself for someone else, but I will try to entertain my date to see that she has a good time. I'm happy if your happy, assuming I am attracted to you.

10. Would you ask your date out again?
If I like the individual, and I liked the date, i sure would. If I didn't like either of those things, I would not. If I simply didn't like the date, there is still a possibility of a relationship with you if I like you.

11. How would you like to be approached by an interested person?
There is nothing more attractive to me that I a girl I am naturally attracted to showing me that she wants me. Show this through flirtation.

12. How long does it take for you to decide to date exclusively?
I only date exclusively. You are either worth my time exclusively or you are not worth my time at all. Cut and dry.

13. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody?
If I'm asking YOU to do something, you can rest assured I like you. Generally, I leave it to other people to ask me to do something. If I make a deviation from that paradigm, I like you. A lot.

[theunstrungharp]

The kicking and screaming doesn't bother me; I am still dragging each and every one of you outside the box and securing it with a giant padlock.


Clarification: This thread is amusing but unrealistic. For instance, if you plan out "how you are going to act" on a date, you have crippled your ability to improvise, for which, I can assure you, the situation will call.

Apologies for harshing on peoples' mellow. Carry on.

[curiousjane]

So far, I've found it interesting how few (if any) believe in love at first sight. I threw that question in for kicks, because I don't believe in it myself. I hope the INTJs of the world will be glad to know this. I do agree that lust is quite possible at any given time. Lust takes mere seconds. Love takes a lifetime. Or at least a decent introductory period!

I've found the responses very insightful so far. Keep 'em coming.

[wolf]

I should have added to #8 that it makes me uncomfortable to do it in public, but I'm happy to in private. Others also mentioned this, and I probably should have clarified. It has nothing to do with my feelings about the person, but some people seem to have difficulty understanding this and are hurt by it. "It's like you don't want to be seen with me!", where the completely honest response is "It's not you, it's me".

[Freak87]

The kicking and screaming doesn't bother me; I am still dragging each and every one of you outside the box and securing it with a giant padlock.


Clarification: This thread is amusing but unrealistic. For instance, if you plan out "how you are going to act" on a date, you have crippled your ability to improvise, for which, I can assure you, the situation will call.

Apologies for harshing on peoples' mellow. Carry on.

i like you
:)





Freak87 added to this post, 4 minutes and 17 seconds later...

CJ, some of your previous posts here were very, very cool and I feel compelled to help you as best I can.

1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person?
Dress to impress, workout, flirt. If I want to catch the eye of another person, I will generally be very direct in my efforts to talk to them, though I will not reveal my intentions. I might also ask them to go running, biking, etc.

2. How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye?
If I find them unattractive, ignore.
If I'm not interested in a relationship with them, but they are attractive, mild flirtation to lead them on and feed my own ego.
If I'm interested in a relationship with them, and they are attractive, I will encourage your efforts by opening up to them. Additionally, I will not turn you down for anything. If I dont like you, I will turn you down for everything.

3. Is there ever such a thing as too much interest shown by the other party?
Yes, there is. If you are showing a lot of interest and I like you, I will probably cut to the chase and submit that we should enter into a real relationship. If I don't like you, you are wasting your time. Additionally, don't smother me, I don't like it.

4. Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you?
No. They need to show interest first. To be perfectly honest, although I am a dude, I take a very female perspective on my worth, in that I feel women need to win me over, which completely defies the current social paradigm where the men must win over the women.

5. Do you take risks in relationships?
Calculate risks where I can predict the outcome. I will not take a risk that has a high probability of rejection attached to it. I do this to protect myself emotionally. I am stone cold, but I can also be emotionally defenseless if I am not careful and become caught off guard.

6. Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow?
Yeah, I will define it. I will definitely make some definitive classification. It's in my nature, blame my Judging bias.

7. What is your opinion on the existence of "love at first sight"?
Does not exist. However, I do believe in love at first social interaction.

8. What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a relationship?
If I like you, I'm going to show you physically. I express myself well that way.

9. On a first date, how do you usually act?
I am to "keep it real". I won't compromise myself for someone else, but I will try to entertain my date to see that she has a good time. I'm happy if your happy, assuming I am attracted to you.

10. Would you ask your date out again?
If I like the individual, and I liked the date, i sure would. If I didn't like either of those things, I would not. If I simply didn't like the date, there is still a possibility of a relationship with you if I like you.

11. How would you like to be approached by an interested person?
There is nothing more attractive to me that I a girl I am naturally attracted to showing me that she wants me. Show this through flirtation.

12. How long does it take for you to decide to date exclusively?
I only date exclusively. You are either worth my time exclusively or you are not worth my time at all. Cut and dry.

13. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody?
If I'm asking YOU to do something, you can rest assured I like you. Generally, I leave it to other people to ask me to do something. If I make a deviation from that paradigm, I like you. A lot.


this was very helpful, and honest! thanks

[AutisticCuckoo]

1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person?
Cautiously. I still have an unhealthy fear of rejection, so I won't be too obvious unless it feels 'safe'.

2. How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye?
I'd respond in kind, still cautious because I'm afraid of over-interpreting her signals.

3. Is there ever such a thing as too much interest shown by the other party?
I guess if someone became 'clingy', but that's never happened to me. A woman who wants to show her interest in me had better be pretty darn obvious or I'll miss the signals or misinterpret them as something else.

4. Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you?
Not likely, unless I was very interested in her. Last time I tried it was like 15 years ago, and the rejection still hurts.

5. Do you take risks in relationships?
N/A since I don't have relationships (for obvious reasons).

6. Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow?
N/A

7. What is your opinion on the existence of "love at first sight"?
I doubt it. There's definitely 'lust at first sight' but, at least for me, love is something that requires that I get to know a person quite well.

8. What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a relationship?
A necessity.

9. On a first date, how do you usually act?
N/A

10. Would you ask your date out again?
N/A

11. How would you like to be approached by an interested person?
Openly and straightforwardly. No subtle hints, because they'll go a mile over my dense head.

12. How long does it take for you to decide to date exclusively?
N/A

13. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody?
Probably that I start acting akwardly in her presence, making a fool of myself each time I open my mouth to say something. :)

[Danisty]

We're not going to have any secrets anymore by the time you're through with us!

1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person?
I'm not sure I would actively try to catch a person's eye. I'm not afraid to talk to people I find attractive, but to let them know that I'm talking to them because I find them attractive? That would be weird. So basically, if I'm talking to you, smiling, laughing, I may be trying to catch your eye, but I won't be obvious. If I'm attracted to you, treating you like a friend is the only way I can keep myself together enough to talk to you. If I had to actually flirt with you, I'd fall apart. Through the years, I've figured that acting like a friend is better than just dodging you every time you come near. :laugh:

2. How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye?
I probably wouldn't know they were trying to catch my eye. Unless they were obvious and doing things I would never have the courage to do (standing close, etc.), I wouldn't even notice. A person would have to be very bold for me to pick up on it...basically the opposite of me.

3. Is there ever such a thing as too much interest shown by the other party?
Definitely. If I start dodging you, you've creeped me out. See, if a guy is very bold and makes it obvious, I can return that and be very obvious. If you've made it very clear that you're interested and I haven't responded, I probably don't like you and you should leave me alone now. If a guy came up and asked me out, he would know right away if I was interested because I would say yes or no.

4. Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you?
No.

5. Do you take risks in relationships?
That depends on how you define risk. If I'm seriously interested in someone, I'm willing to deal with some pretty crazy shit. My husband's mother got drunk vandalized my car a week after I met him. I stuck with it because I really liked him. Dating a guy with a crazy family could definitely be seen as a risk. If you mean risking a relationship with a person I wasn't sure about, the chances of that are much slimmer.

6. Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow?
That's hard to say. I really like knowing what's going on. I couldn't continue to date someone without knowing what direction it was going in (I need the feedback to know if it's for real), but I'm willing to have an adventure provided I know it's not all a game.

7. What is your opinion on the existence of "love at first sight"?
It's actually a hard question to answer. I don't believe in knowing it's love at first sight during first sight. I couldn't see a guy and know I love him. However, I did know there was a major connection between me and my husband when I first saw him and that did actually lead to love in a relatively short period of time.

8. What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a relationship?
In public, nothing more than holding hands and kissing. In private, the more the better! Even when we're just on the couch watching TV, we're generally touching in some way.

9. On a first date, how do you usually act?
I ask a lot of questions. I figure dating is to get to know someone, so if I don't know a lot about them by the end of the date, I figure it was a bad match. I'm not afraid to talk about controversial things. I figure they may as well know where I stand right away and understand that I'm the type of person who isn't afraid to speak up on things. This may be twice as important to me since I'm an introvert and people might not have realized how opinionated I am before the date.

10. Would you ask your date out again?
Sure, if everything went well. The first date isn't even really that hard for me. It's getting to the point of getting a date that freaks me out. I figure they wouldn't waste their time with me if they weren't at least a little interested.

11. How would you like to be approached by an interested person?
I prefer a direct approach. If it's not direct, I might not realize what you're trying to do. If we've talked before, just ask if I want to go do something with you. Please have a few specific ideas though. I like multiple choice. If we haven't talked before, you obviously should spend some time talking to me before you ask me out or I'll think you're weird.

12. How long does it take for you to decide to date exclusively?
I only date exclusively. Dating more people at once is only dividing my attention and making any decision-making process I need to go through less efficient. I also don't like the way it makes me feel. People who don't date exclusively seem less committed to me. What does it mean anyway? You like me, but not enough? That's not very reassuring.

13. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody?
If I let you stand close to me, I like you. I'm picky about my personal space and if I'm not interested in you, I will move or ask you to back up. I don't like to be touched by people I'm not interested in because I'm pretty sensitive to touch. If I like you, it will drive me crazy (even if it's not a romantic touch). The intensity almost makes me panic, but I'm powerless to move away.

And ... for those in current relationships:

I'm married to an ENTJ.

14. How do you keep the relationship going?
Communication. I'm fairly oblivious when it comes to subtle communication (if that wasn't already painfully obvious), so my husband knows if he's feeling something, he has to tell me. If I'm feeling something, I will tell him. We both understand this is the way it has to be or we will constantly misinterpret each other.

15. What challenges do you face in expressing your love?
None really. We have excellent communication (something we've been refining for 11 years), trust, and loyalty. As long as I have those things, there's no reason to hold back my feelings.

16. What signals should a confused partner look for in order to be assured of continued interest?
A partner shouldn't be confused about my interest in them. If there's something wrong, they will know because I don't like playing games. I will come right out and tell you if something is wrong between us. If I'm withdrawn or irritable and I haven't said anything to you about it, then it doesn't have anything to do with you. I'll let you know what it is once I'm done figuring it out. It probably has something to do with work or hormones. Even the hormones will probably not catch you off-guard though since I'm not shy about just telling a partner that I'm menstruating and moody.

[konec]

I was hoping I could give you a better insight on how I act on first dates after today, but it seems to be turning out differently...

[konec]

I was hoping I could give you a better insight on how I act on first dates after today, but it seems to be turning out differently...

Her mother and brother getting into an accident doesn't sound like something you would use as an excuse to skip a date, right?

[DrEast]

Okay INTJs ... it is up to you to answer the eternal question: How can I tell if my INTJ is interested in me romantically?

Please be specific.

If you need prompts, these are some good topics to touch on. Choose one, or a few, or all, or none (your call):

1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person?
...catch... eye?
If I wanted to talk to someone, I would (and have) step right up and talk to them. It never works, but hey.

2. How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye?

I would be completely oblivious.

3. Is there ever such a thing as too much interest shown by the other party?

Only if the person who is being shown the interest thinks so. The only difference between "Interested" and "Stalking" is the amount of reciprocation.

4. Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you?

No.

5. Do you take risks in relationships?

No.

6. Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow?

Define.

7. What is your opinion on the existence of "love at first sight"?

Depends on how you want to define "love." Physical attraction is not a terrible impetus to start an interest, but it is a terrible method to continue one. If the person is compatible, it retroactively becomes "love at first sight." If not, it's written off as another pretty face.

8. What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a relationship?

Not in public, and don't expect any from ME.

9. On a first date, how do you usually act?

Nervous. Also, historically, I would have just contracted a terrible stomach bug.

10. Would you ask your date out again?

Only if she expressed that she had a fun time or was interested in giving it another shot.

11. How would you like to be approached by an interested person?

"Hello."

12. How long does it take for you to decide to date exclusively?

If I'm dating at all, it's exclusive. (What, you expect me to attract TWO women?)

13. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody?

If I say I like them.

[PortInStorm]

Sorry, just a quick note: the difference between interest and stalking is the pursuer refusing to take "no" for an answer, not amount of reciprocation. So if you continue to pursue, thinking the person may want to reciprocate, or will in the future, or you sense interest, but he/she has said "no", you're still stalking. Society has yet to undo its worship of 'romantic persistence'. The legal definition of stalking specifically leaves the relationship between the two undefined.

[Uytuun]

Love at first sight totally depends on your definition of love IMO. There is something like sparkly-huge-attraction-but-deeper-than-lust-and-also-mental-and-subconscious-bond at first sight, though.

[Provoker]

1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person? My first instinct is always eye contact. However, if I'm in a group setting, and I see that she's starring in my direction, then I will try and make a joke or respond to someone elses joke to bring out my smile and dimples which are a selling point for me lol :)


2. How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye? I have two main responses and it depends on what sort of stare she gives me. More often than not I quickly put my head down or shy away followed by looking at her when she's not looking. The other response though is a more cocky but playful one where I smile as if she's just been caught and I find it funny. The second scenario doesn't happen as often as the first but has a much higher success rate.


3. Is there ever such a thing as too much interest shown by the other party?
If her degree of interest is highly disproportionate to my degree of interest then that suggests a lack of mutual understanding. And where there is mutual misunderstanding there are kinks in communication. Incidentally, I'm not very interested in women I can't communicate with.


4. Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you?
This question is tough. Historically, in most cases I had definitive facts and analysis that indicated that the women had interest in me. On the other hand, I think by operating under the assumption she was interested in me I had the confidence to make her more interested in me (even if she wasn't really interested to begin with).

5. Do you take risks in relationships?
Sure.

6. Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow?
Well, I often have a working definition of the relationship. Incidentally, I'm suprised that so many Js have said "go with the flow". For me there is an urge to place judgements on things and act on those judgements - this is progress. In fact, I go on this forum because I often revise my self-conception and I have a strong will to truth. The same is true in relationships.

7. What is your opinion on the existence of "love at first sight"?
People who have had love at first sight support this proposition. People who have never had it and are close-minded ignorantly think its romanticized and doesn't exist. People who have never had it but are open-minded think it can exist (for them) it just hasn't came into existence yet. In any case, the ones who claim it exists because they themselves have had love at first sight prove it exists. Personally, there have been a handful of people in my life that I've met that I had some sort of bio-chemical reaction to and I felt immediately like I would and could do anything for them.


8. What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a relationship?
Once in a relationship and once trust is established physical affection is great and healthy. As INTJs we are so isolated in many ways and it's nice to be touched and brought back down to earth.

9. On a first date, how do you usually act?
Like a prince. I consider good romance a personality-synthesis between intelligence and compassion. I pay and make sure she's well fed and having a great time. The key to a women's heart is always through her tummy lol. I like going to the movies on first dates because I can study and learn about a person without getting into anything too deep or revealing too much about myself. This may seem counter-INTJ but I wouldn't want to start sparring on my first date or crippling the flawed logic of someone I can see myself with. So I put it in the closet temporarly, unless she's really curious and open minded. In this case, I will unleash the wrath of the intellect.

10. Would you ask your date out again?
Sure.

11. How would you like to be approached by an interested person?
I don't have a preference. If she approaches me in any way this automatically shows confidence and bravery and character on her behalf.

12. How long does it take for you to decide to date exclusively?
I think it depends on how things are going. In some cases, even on the first date a girl really appeals to me. Others grow on a person after consecutive dates and conversations and such.

13. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody?
I smile at them when I see them in a distance. This sounds crazy but I also tend to do model poses and model stares as if I'm staring into the ocean when I make eye contact lol.

[MadmanMSU]

First, I'd like to say that non-INTJ perspectives are very refreshing. Kudos for the input. Secondly, novel post.

1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person?
I'm very direct. Usually I'll just start talking to them. Subtlety does not work well for me.

2. How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye?
Again, subtlety does not work well. My typical response is "why are they looking at me?" Direct approaches work the best.

3. Is there ever such a thing as too much interest shown by the other party?
I was out with friends the other night, and a girl came up and starting grinding on me. Now, mind you, I thought she was incredibly hot, but I was so disoriented from an immediate violation of my personal space I left the situation. I would call that an example of "too much interest".

4. Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you?
Maybe. As long as they weren't demonstrating DISinterest, it would probably be worth a shot.

7. What is your opinion on the existence of "love at first sight"?
I believe in attraction at first sight, but love? No.

8. What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a relationship?
Personally, that's how I prefer women to show their interest in me.

11. How would you like to be approached by an interested person?
Directly. Ambiguity blows.

12. How long does it take for you to decide to date exclusively?
As an INTJ, I put serious thought into everything. I wouldn't put a specific time table on it, but I would say there has to be enough time for me to have considered everything.

13. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody?
Anytime I put time and effort into talking to or being around a woman is a dead giveaway. For most people, I could care less, but if interested in someone, I spend an excessive amount of time learning about them or trying to spend time with them.

[Antares]

I'm just going to call it out and respond to all of your prompts, since I like directly answering questions rather than coming up with a long paragraph on my own. Truth is, I don't know where to start.

How would you try to catch the eye of another person?

I'd try that once they look over.

How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye?

Catch their eye and look away. No expressions needed. Chances are (and I'm talking about some fat chunk chances) I'm not interested, but I'd give them the eye contact because it frankly costs me nothing. If that person is seriously expecting too much if they think I'm going to take them into consideration, I might raise an eyebrow and even have a disdainful expression. I'm not the nicest when it domes to personal dislike.

Is there ever such a thing as too much interest shown by the other party?

If you overwhelm me, you're out.

Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you?

No. But I've had experiences where I didn't ask him out even if he did demonstrate a distinct interest in me. I guess I was waiting for him to take the initiative.

Do you take risks in relationships?

My previous answer says no.

Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow?

Why do we need a definition?

What is your opinion on the existence of "love at first sight"?

Replace love with lust. Sounds about right. It's got to be physical attraction at first. I don't believe in 'something else'.

What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a relationship?

Practice moderation.

On a first date, how do you usually act?

Casual, dispassionate.

Would you ask your date out again?

Only if I'm very interested.

How would you like to be approached by an interested person?

Straight-out. No beating around the bush.

How long does it take for you to decide to date exclusively?

When I actually decide that I like him as more than a friend; that can take pretty long.

What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody?

I write him a love note? But I'd probably never do that. I stare at him or can't look him in the eye. Probably remain silent lest I say something foolish. I've been told that I avoid that particular person or even act like I despise them, declining any of their attempt to help me (if they offer) or making the conversation brief.

I'm not in any relationship right now, so the other questions would not be applicable.

[ssrprotege]

Despite on the verge of becoming 20, I somehow felt uncomfortable discussing love and dating, etc. But I feel like answering the questionnaire. Hope this helps, CJ!

I have never been in any kind of relationship, so some of answers will be based on my "thought-experiment."

1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person?
I don't generally approach a girl; I wait until someone approaches me. If you are interested in me, welcome; if not, that's okay with it. I am sometimes interested, but I rather tend to procrastinate approaching her.

2. How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye?
Until they say they want to talk to me or something, I don't generally recognize. I am pretty much in thinking mode (I say I am not quite observant on that matter) 24/7. Another truth is, I know I am not the one girls will be easily attracted to. Constant guard, constant guard, hmm, hmm...

3. Is there ever such a thing as too much interest shown by the other party?
Haven't experienced, but it can happen. Until I find myself overpowered by someone's passion, I am pretty tolerant.

4. Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you?
I don't think so. I let the other one decide.

5. Do you take risks in relationships?
On relationships, I am not a risk-taker at all. I am active in books or knowledge in the Internet..but not in interpersonal relationships.

6. Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow?
I can't really answer this question. I am not sure.

7. What is your opinion on the existence of "love at first sight"?
I believe to some extent in intuition. So...yes, why not? But intuition must be verified by further dating.

8. What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a relationship?
My instinctive reaction is to feel uncomfortable and to step back. I find them quite, quite uncomfortable.

9. On a first date, how do you usually act?
Haven't really been in the relationship. OK, fine, I will engage my imagination. I may be lost - I may not know how to behave unless I get the strong feeling that she will get along with me.

10. Would you ask your date out again?
Depends.

11. How would you like to be approached by an interested person?
Write a note or letter (gifts are optional) to me. It can be either direct or indirect, I don't honestly care. I will become speechless if someone says I like you in front of my face. Some people say how I would feel if I receive a love letter via another person or something like that, but I find it incomprehensible. If the letter appears sincere enough to excite my Feeling, well, then she succeeded.

12. How long does it take for you to decide to date exclusively?
Probably long time. I am a slow learner and a slow reactor. Very slow, actually. So I am cautious in making snappy judgements about my date. Until I see an encompassing image of her intellect, personality (two single most important factors) and looks, I am unlikely to make a final say. I am uber-cautious.

13. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody?
Card, letter, chocolate? If I like or love someone, I think I will do lots of "dead give-away" things.

[ElstonGunn]

This is the third or fourth time I've started to answer this. In an abstract sense, that's very similar to my approach to relationships. I take a small step forward, but then something doesn't seem right, so I scuttle back to the shadows. Anyways...

How would you try to catch the eye of another person?
Feebly. You're not going to notice it, especially if you're expecting something direct or obvious.

How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye?
I wouldn't. I guess it makes me a hypocrite, but if you want something from me, you have to make it clear to me.

Is there ever such a thing as too much interest shown by the other party?
"Too much" implies a quantity problem. That might be possible, but I think the much more likely issue is with the quality of the interest. As people have mentioned, physical or sexual forwardness too quickly after meeting would be a very big turn-off to me.

Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you?
It's unlikely that I'd do that even if she did express some kind of interest in me.

Do you take risks in relationships?
Define "risk." The risks I take are risks of inaction and hesitancy, and I'm well aware of their most likely outcomes. But I assume you were asking if I'd do the opposite kinds of things.

Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow?
Probably flow.

What is your opinion on the existence of "love at first sight"?
I'm going with Uytuun on this one. There's something that's deeper and more credible than lust, but not really love, either. I think you can get an impression from someone, and build a conception of that person off of the impression, and if you're general or flexible enough, sometimes that can turn out to be true. It's like hefting a bag of marbles, guessing how many are in there, and then counting them up and finding out that you were right.

What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a relationship?
I could be very affectionate with the right person and under the right conditions. Sort of a "stars aligning" kind of thing.

On a first date, how do you usually act?
It depends on the nature of the date. Where is it taking place? Who else is around, either with us or just in the general vicinity? How is she acting? What time is it? What else did I do today?

Would you ask your date out again?
Only if she gave me a halfway decent opportunity to do so (and if I wanted to go out again, of course).

How would you like to be approached by an interested person?
Unequivocally. I don't like to act on bad or unreliable information, especially when it comes to interpersonal issues, and triple-especially times a thousand plus fifty when it comes to romantic interactions.

How long does it take for you to decide to date exclusively?
If I'm dating anyone, I don't think there's really any other option for me than exclusivity, for both practical and ethical (that's not the right word, though) reasons.

What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody?
The only dead give-away I'll ever offer is my last will and testament.

[Eric86]

How would you try to catch the eye of another person?
um....I guess just by saying hi and smiling, or just by talking to them, because I naturally maintain nearly constant eye contact, and when we establish it, we rarely break it until one of us has to leave.

How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye?
Same as above, pretty much, though if I haven't been around her much, I'd be pretty shy and embarassed and probably not say much, or just say something really quietly.

Is there ever such a thing as too much interest shown by the other party?
I've never had to deal with that, but I guess as long as she isn't being really overbearing, it's fine; I don't have any personal space, and I like being close to others.

Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you?
As long as she seems to really like talking to me, and shows interest in being around me more, then I would, though initially it would probably be just something simple like playing tennis (or some other pretty casual activity), going out to eat and hanging out at a mall, or inviting her to a group thing that I'm going to be in, like a cookout, bowling, a church activity, hanging out at a park....basically, anything where there's a relaxed environment with little to no interruptions where we can have fun getting to know each other better.

Do you take risks in relationships?
I've never been in one, but the riskiest thing I've done is that one time I did ask a girl out back in high school, but, of course, she said no. (long story that I don't want to go into because it still hurts even to this day)

Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow?
I would definitely go with the flow (that's how I am anyways) because then there's no pressure and no feeling of obligation (like you have to do things in a set order/schedule or whatever), which would make things feel routine and impersonal, and I don't want that. That would make it predictable as well, and predictability leads to stagnation in relationships. Also, you have to be flexible because you can't always expect someone to drop whatever they had planned just to be with you, especially if they have work or other obligations, and I definitely wouldn't want to hoard her for myself either and keep her from her friends or family, and if she needed time to herself, that would also be fine with me.

What is your opinion on the existence of "love at first sight"?
It doesn't work like that.

What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a relationship?
I'd be open to pretty much anything, though I have basically no experience with this; I haven't had my first kiss yet or even held hands. All I've ever done is just brief, friendly hugs.

On a first date, how do you usually act?
I can't say for sure, since I've never been on one, but I'd probably be really happy, excited, hopeful, and a bit nervous. I also get embarrassed really easily, I guess due in part to my relative naivity and complete lack of experience in relationships (I wouldn't know what to do or expect at all), but I'd do my best to not let that get in the way of things. If anything, I guess it might even come off as kinda cute, in a way, though it's in no way intentional.

Would you ask your date out again?
I most definitely would!

How would you like to be approached by an interested person?
I don't have a preference.

How long does it take for you to decide to date exclusively?
I guess....as long as it takes for the both of us to feel comfortable enough around each other and have progressed to the point of wanting more commitment. Again, I wouldn't know how long that would be because it's never happened before.

What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody?
There isn't really anything in particular, aside from being a lot happier and more energetic around her than I normally am, but when I like someone, it's REALLY obvious, just from how I act around her, even though I don't even try to make it obvious; it just ends up that way just from me being myself, because of how honest and caring I am.....I mostly don't even notice it myself, though from what I've heard, everyone else does.

[jikin]

What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody?
The only dead give-away I'll ever offer is my last will and testament.


ElstonGunn, that was horribly funny!

hmmm...maybe I'll give this a try

How would you try to catch the eye of another person?

I'm not too grand at that. I try to put myself in their path, so I'm at least noticed. Not doing well with actual eye contact makes this one of the harder steps.

How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye?

Normally I get uncomfortable, not knowing what I'm supposed to do next. If I can handle it, I'll try to work up some akward small talk.

Is there ever such a thing as too much interest shown by the other party?

Yes. I once met a guy who decided from minute 1 that we should be married. While this is an extreme, no smothering is allowed.

Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you?

No. That's just not how I work.

Do you take risks in relationships?

I'm not a big risk taker in general. Everything is thought out ahead of time.


Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow?

Outwardly I go with the flow, inwardly I try to figure out what is exactly is going on.

What is your opinion on the existence of "love at first sight"?

Personally, I have never experienced it. I'm doubtfull it exists, but there are some who believe that they've had the experience, so who am I to argue what they believe to be their true feelings?

What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a relationship?

I like having an arm around me, hand holding(to an extent), or sitting close enough to touch. That's probably about it. Please, no smothering, and no extreme public displays. I prefer keeping my physical affection a private experience.


On a first date, how do you usually act?

If it's someone I know well enough, not to different than normal. Maybe slightly akward. If I don't know him as well, it can be very uncomfortable for me. I do tend to try to make him feel comfortable,even if I suddenly decide I don't like him.

Would you ask your date out again?

I leave that up to him. I realize not a lot of guys like the quiet, and somewhat distant types, so I don't put him on the spot. I let him make up his mind if he wants to go further.

How would you like to be approached by an interested person?

Somewhat direct. I don't play games, nor do I understand them. I do like the idea of email or a letter, so I'm not put on the spot, especially if I have to let him down.


How long does it take for you to decide to date exclusively?

I tend to only date one guy at a time. If I still like him after the first couple of dates I'll be fine with it. If I don't: I let him know and move on.

What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody?

I make attempts to talk with him and I'll stand around akwardly afterwards even though the conversation fell flat. Plus I do tend to let my sarcasm get out with guys I like.

[bmartinl]

Actually one dead give-away is that I will say something personal about myself - a story, thought, idea that tells you something about my values. For example if we are eating lunch and I recycle my bottle, I might tell you that I feel guilty if I don't recycle everything. This should be taken to mean I am into you :)

[Angellus]

1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person?
Smile, stare and say hello.
2. How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye?
Once again, smile and then go up to the person, say hello. If they show they want to really talk, then I get my conversation on.
3. Is there ever such a thing as too much interest shown by the other party?
I don't know exactly what you mean by this. But too much interest, from what I'm taking it as, is if they want something like money or just sex.
5. Do you take risks in relationships?
Only if I really like or care for that person (which is very rare), to keep the relationship going or steady.
6. Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow?
Hmm, if I and the other person haven't made it quite obvious what the relationship is, then I'll go ahead and ask directly.
7. What is your opinion on the existence of "love at first sight"?
Maybe not "love", but instant attraction or a spark.
8. What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a relationship?
Depends on the status of the relationship at that point.

------------------------------------------------

14. How do you keep the relationship going?
I talk to him everyday, say "I love you" when he least expects me to say it. I'll write little love poems or do some things extra special for him. If there is a problem, I immediately address it before it blows up out of proportion.
16. What signals should a confused partner look for in order to be assured of continued interest?
That he/she still talks to you. Like, they go to you when they are upset or want to talk about something deep. I can't emphasize enough, that communication is a big key in relationships. (can't think of anything else at the moment, really sleepy)

[hidden]

1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person?
I wouldn't try
2. How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye?
I'd continue to ignore them
3. Is there ever such a thing as too much interest shown by the other party?
Yes
4. Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you?
No
5. Do you take risks in relationships?
No
6. Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow?
It depends
7. What is your opinion on the existence of "love at first sight"?
A load of bull
8. What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a relationship?
I don't like physical affection
9. On a first date, how do you usually act?
I don't date
10. Would you ask your date out again?
I don't date
11. How would you like to be approached by an interested person?
I would not want to be approached
12. How long does it take for you to decide to date exclusively?
I don't date
13. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody? That depends

[le Duc]

I enjoy seeing these different perspectives. I've been happily married for almost five years; I am the INTJ, she is ENTP. We met online.

How would you try to catch the eye of another person?

Just be me. I'd make sure I was in their vicinity so they could see me, but I'd just be me. If it didn't catch their eye, so be it.

Do you take risks in relationships?

Risks are inherent in all relationships. To love is to open one's self up to pain and/or potential pain.

Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow?

Definitely define it. (Is that redundant?) I asked what she wanted and let her put forth her definitions first, so it may resemble "go with the flow" to some point, but things need definition.

How would you like to be approached by an interested person?

Intellectually. Every relationship I've had (other than those created by birth) began with an interesting conversation.

How do you keep the relationship going?

A big part was the beginning definition. I made it clear that I'm not really good at feelings, and if something's wrong, I generally have to be told. That said, we both work to ensure we talk about everything: the bad points to avoid a repeat, and the good points to create a repeat.

What challenges do you face in expressing your love?

Sarcasm and sardonic wit? :devilish: Seriously, though, there are some things I am sensitive to that make me withdraw into my shell. When other people hit those spots, no big deal: I talk with her. When she (usually accidentally) hits those spots, it can make for a very icy relationship until she draws me back out of the shell. Do I feel bad for that? I dunno ~ I haven't figured out how to avoid it.

What signals should a confused partner look for in order to be assured of continued interest?

Just clear the air and ask. At least, that works for us.

Good thread! Hope these comments are helpful.

[Minerva]

Actually one dead give-away is that I will say something personal about myself - a story, thought, idea that tells you something about my values. For example if we are eating lunch and I recycle my bottle, I might tell you that I feel guilty if I don't recycle everything. This should be taken to mean I am into you :)

No offense intended, but how does the other person realize that you are into him/her by that statement? It just shows that you care about the environment.

[SShack]

No offense intended, but how does the other person realize that you are into him/her by that statement? It just shows that you care about the environment.

The INTJ I'm dating is very, very private about his own life and interests with others, so one of the ways I realized he was interested in me was when he started sharing those things with me. Showing somebody you care about the environment may be more than some seriously introverted INTJ's would do for just anybody.

It took me a little while to understand this myself, but then realized a little more what was going on when I discovered I knew more about him than his other friends.

[wolf]

1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person?
I wouldn't try
2. How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye?
I'd continue to ignore them
3. Is there ever such a thing as too much interest shown by the other party?
Yes
4. Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you?
No
5. Do you take risks in relationships?
No
6. Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow?
It depends
7. What is your opinion on the existence of "love at first sight"?
A load of bull
8. What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a relationship?
I don't like physical affection
9. On a first date, how do you usually act?
I don't date
10. Would you ask your date out again?
I don't date
11. How would you like to be approached by an interested person?
I would not want to be approached
12. How long does it take for you to decide to date exclusively?
I don't date
13. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody? That depends
You seem interesting and remind me of an INFP I know that I wish I could somehow help. Alas.

[ElstonGunn]

You seem interesting and remind me of an INFP I know that I wish I could somehow help. Alas.

Help? Isn't that a bit presumptive?

[wolf]

Help? Isn't that a bit presumptive?
They have an irrational view of themselves, but won't believe me when I tell them it's incorrect.

[Minerva]

The INTJ I'm dating is very, very private about his own life and interests with others, so one of the ways I realized he was interested in me was when he started sharing those things with me. Showing somebody you care about the environment may be more than some seriously introverted INTJ's would do for just anybody.

It took me a little while to understand this myself, but then realized a little more what was going on when I discovered I knew more about him than his other friends.

Yes, I understand this, but you two are making the assumption that the person in question knows that bmartinl is INTJ or at least very introverted... Then again, if they are dating, or at least getting to know each other, then the other person will realize how introverted bmartinl is, and could therefore appreciate being let into his/her life.

[Jughead]

From an INTP point of view:

1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person? I wouldn't.
2. How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye? To be honest, I probably wouldn't notice. If I did, I'd be awkward. I'm a "get to know as friends first" kind of person, really.
3. Is there ever such a thing as too much interest shown by the other party? Yes.
4. Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you? I've told someone I liked them - I don't think I'd do dates, dates are too much pressure.
5. Do you take risks in relationships? I might.
6. Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow? Go with the flow.
7. What is your opinion on the existence of "love at first sight"? BS
8. What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a relationship? I like them, but I'd be very uncomfortable in the beginning.
9. On a first date, how do you usually act? I don't do dates.
10. Would you ask your date out again? See above.
11. How would you like to be approached by an interested person? Sure!
12. How long does it take for you to decide to date exclusively? I'd always date exclusively, but it would take me a few weeks (or more) to declare a relationship.
13. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody? I tell them, or I get prickly towards them.

[rain]

oooh great questions.

1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person?

in social, group situations by ignoring him usually. i like to see if a man has enough confidence to approach me directly.

in work, study situations, i ask him to help me with something. men like feeling needed.

2. How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye?

i won't return eye contact but will ask someone to introduce us. i don't stare at people.

3. Is there ever such a thing as too much interest shown by the other party?

not really unless they are invading your privacy.

4. Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you?

absolutely. you win some you lose some. i hate having regrets.

5. Do you take risks in relationships?

of course. i can't really identify with those people who spend years pining after someone. if i want someone, i'll initially take risks then see where it goes from there.

6. Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow?

i define it from the beginning, but i will not let the other know unless absolutely necessary or asked directly.

7. What is your opinion on the existence of "love at first sight"?

i believe in sexual attraction at first sight. love comes later.

8. What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a relationship?

love it. i'm sort of a cold, aloof type, so i like to be with a man who is touchy-feely and very affectionate, but not in a sleazy, exhibitionistic way, but in a gentle, protective way.

9. On a first date, how do you usually act?

i just like to get a feel for what sort of personality he has. i hate people who ask me too many questions like as if i'm on a job interview.

to be honest i usually get bored on first dates. i rather we interact in a group setting so that i can get a sense for how he acts around others.

10. Would you ask your date out again?

sure. if it doesn't work out romantically, then i'm certain we can still be friends.

11. How would you like to be approached by an interested person?

men who ask me an innocuous question and wait for my response. i don't fall for compliments and i hate people commenting on my physical appearance.

12. How long does it take for you to decide to date exclusively?

it depends. but usually i already decide what our relationship is going to be at first meeting. there have been a couple of men i felt on the fringe with- but mainly if i feel unsure about someone it's because he isn't the right person for me.

13. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody?

i love hearing him talk. if i love his mind and his voice, then i know i'm really into him. if i want him to shut up, then it's probably not going to work out despite other things i may temporarily be attracted by.

[Exponential]

1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person?
Glance in their direction, attempt to get a reciprocated smile exchange which I perceive to be a non-verbal way of saying "i'm open to talking to you".


2. How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye?
Smile. If they smile back, go over and say hello.


3. Is there ever such a thing as too much interest shown by the other party?
Yes.


4. Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you?
100% yes, done this plenty of times before and have almost always been successful. In the past I have done particularly well with meeting women at bus stops, of all places.


5. Do you take risks in relationships?
Yes.


6. Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow?
I will verbally define if I think there is any ambiguity or a need for clarification, but other times you both "just know" what is happening so there is no need to spoil the moment :love:


7. What is your opinion on the existence of "love at first sight"?
Physical attraction at first sight yes.

Love is basically a self-delusion/projection of your romantic ideals onto someone else. If you project the right thing onto someone at the first time you see them, then I guess it can exist... although I would be wary of anyone who claims to experience love at first sight with any regularity!

As a general rule, I think most people use the term "love at first sight" as a rationalisation or explaination for a combination of feelings experienced when meeting someone for the first time.


8. What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a relationship?
In private anything is ok except when i'm working or busy in which case, accept that I want some space until I finish whatever i'm doing.

In public some is ok now and then. The type and the extent of physical affection shown should be reflective of the exact location and situation.

Physical Touch is my primary and Quality Time is my secondary love language (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.) (I get absolutely nothing from the other 3), I do really like to express and receive physical affection when in a relationship at times that it is convienent to do so.


9. On a first date, how do you usually act?
I smile and talk more than I usually would do. I also periodically make concious assessments of other person's body language, and tweak my own in response where appropriate. Apart from that just be myself.


10. Would you ask your date out again?
These days, only when the following conditions are true:
1) I was attracted to her; and
2) She had given some indication that she was interested in me; and
3) I found her to be intriguing and with good depth; and
4) Her values and beliefs are compatible with mine (although, I don't like to explore this fully on a first date, so a preliminary assessment must be made)


11. How would you like to be approached by an interested person?
There is no ideal, but if you are interested in me then smile and flirt, that's all you need to do. If I am also interested in you then I will take it from there.


12. How long does it take for you to decide to date exclusively?
I've had situations when we've gone exclusive the 2nd time we met, and others where it's been several weeks after first meeting. Having said that, I don't have a set time, it "just happens when it happens".


13. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody?
First kiss when the time is right... i've almost always gone for a kiss the first or 2nd time of meeting if i'm interested (and she has shown signs of being receptive to that).

[peppermint13]

From an INTP point of view:

13. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody? I tell them, or I get prickly towards them.

Hm. Prickly. Elaborate?

[Ytterbium]

1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person?I don't

2. How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye?Never happened, they tend to look away like nothing happened.

3. Is there ever such a thing as too much interest shown by the other party?Yes.

4. Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you?I rather ask someone out before my feelings start to mess me up. It never happened though.

5. Do you take risks in relationships?Risks?

6. Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow?No.

7. What is your opinion on the existence of "love at first sight"?Got hit by it, terrible.

8. What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a relationship?Freaks me out somewhat.

I sat down reading when this hot girl came and ran her fingers through my hair. WTF?
I was doing a chemistry experiment when my hot lab partner, pressed her huge boobs against me embracing my arm. I looked down at her and she had this naughty oops look in her eyes. WTF?
I sat down talking with a girl in the school cafeteria. When she said. Aww I haven't got fucked since last summer. WTF?

9. On a first date, how do you usually act?Never got so far.

10. Would you ask your date out again?Why not.

11. How would you like to be approached by an interested person?In the end it will show that she did know more about this than me.

12. How long does it take for you to decide to date exclusively?Forever.

13. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody?I don't get that question.

[Jughead]

Hm. Prickly. Elaborate?

Well, I'm an INTP, for one thing, and we handle emotions worse than INTJs. I usually hate it when my emotions sneak up on me, so if I really like someone and realise it and that it's affecting my behaviour towards them and other people, I sort of blame them for it. (This happens without realising I'm doing it, as a sort of reflex reaction.) I'll turn snarkier towards them, and more mistrustful and disbelieve anything nice they say about me, and generally be an arse to them before I realise I'm doing it. Then I tell them I like them, I guess.

[Fridays Child]

Well, I'm an INTP, for one thing, and we handle emotions worse than INTJs. I usually hate it when my emotions sneak up on me, so if I really like someone and realise it and that it's affecting my behaviour towards them and other people, I sort of blame them for it. (This happens without realising I'm doing it, as a sort of reflex reaction.) I'll turn snarkier towards them, and more mistrustful and disbelieve anything nice they say about me, and generally be an arse to them before I realise I'm doing it. Then I tell them I like them, I guess.


So... this means you really love us? It explains much.

[Jughead]

So... this means you really love us? It explains much.

Yes, it means I'm desperately in love with all of you, because you're clever enough to figure me out! Now will you marry me?

[Fridays Child]

Yes, it means I'm desperately in love with all of you, because you're clever enough to figure me out! Now will you marry me?


Polygamy is cool. I'll check with the collective.

[Jughead]

Polygamy is cool. I'll check with the collective.

Huzzah, an army of drones... um... sex slaves... um... spouses! The plural of spouse should be "spice."

Anyway, I'm sure we'll all have a lot of fun. Mwahaha.

[Minerva]

Well, I'm an INTP, for one thing, and we handle emotions worse than INTJs. I usually hate it when my emotions sneak up on me, so if I really like someone and realise it and that it's affecting my behaviour towards them and other people, I sort of blame them for it. (This happens without realising I'm doing it, as a sort of reflex reaction.) I'll turn snarkier towards them, and more mistrustful and disbelieve anything nice they say about me, and generally be an arse to them before I realise I'm doing it. Then I tell them I like them, I guess.

LOL! That's not the best way to attract a potential mate!

You just explained why I had so many problems with an INTJ I met last year. As an ISFJ, I couldn't figure out why he was being such an A*S, but I found out some time later, that he actually hated me because I threatened his independence. Turned out he was too attracted to me to feel comfortable in my presence. So instead of trying for a relationship with me (even though I told him that I was interested) he pushed me away.

[Jughead]

LOL! That's not the best way to attract a potential mate!

You just explained why I had so many problems with an INTJ I met last year. As an ISFJ, I couldn't figure out why he was being such an A*S, but I found out some time later, that he actually hated me because I threatened his independence. Turned out he was too attracted to me to feel comfortable in my presence. So instead of trying for a relationship with me (even though I told him that I was interested) he pushed me away.

"threatening my independence" is a good way to put it - that's exactly what I'm afraid of. I don't mind being single, so I'm not exactly thinking of how I'd scare a potential mate away, I'm scared of what will happen if I do have a potential mate, and they make all kinds of demands of me and my time.

Luckily, the last person I liked was an INTJ and I don't think he noticed that I was snarkier for a while. How did things with your INTJ work out in the end?

[Reon]

I have to agree with a poster above (who's username I happen to forget) who said that, allthough its nice to think about these things, you need to be able to go with the flow instead of going with a plan.

[White Raven]

1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person?

I probably wouldn't actively try to catch the eye of another person. If I want to get to know them better, I might try to initate a friendship by talking to them, but only if the opportunity blatantly presented itself.

2. How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye?

I'd flirt right back at them if I was interested. Or just smile, and look amused. Or if it was a friend I'd tease them mercilessly.

3. Is there ever such a thing as too much interest shown by the other party?

Uh, yeah. Calling me every single night, for example, which is smothering me. Any smothering or possessive behavior and I will either blow up (although not necessarily at the person), or be gone (at least temporarily) before you blink.

4. Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you?

Not likely. Maybe if I was very, very interested in them and thought they'd go along with me.

5. Do you take risks in relationships?

Only once I'm sure I'm safe in the relationship.

6. Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow?

God, yes. Pesky J. I have to know what's going on, how they feel, how intensely, what they're thinking, what their values are, is this really truly lasting and serious, and then I have to evaluate it at length over a long period of time myself.

7. What is your opinion on the existence of "love at first sight"?

I think you can sight the possiblity for a connection maybe at first sight. Love? No.

8. What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a relationship?

I like them when I initate them or when I am craving them. Even if I'm craving them and I'm working or concentrating, though, I will shout at you if you so much as start to speak to me. In public, I don't really care..whatever is fine. Being daring is fun. In private, it would depend on my mood, but generally I would enjoy it. I like to be touched and held and hugged--when I ask for it.

9. On a first date, how do you usually act?

shy, awkward, and tenative. If we get on a good subject, though, I'll talk with you for hours and be intensely grateful I'm on solid ground.

10. Would you ask your date out again?

If I liked 'em, sure.

11. How would you like to be approached by an interested person?

Boldly, teasingly, directly. Flattery is irritating, though.

12. How long does it take for you to decide to date exclusively?

not very long.

13. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody?

seeking them out to talk to them, be with them...asking them questions is a big one. If I want to learn from you or think with you or brainstorm with you, then I certainly respect and enjoy you, and that's often the basis of my liking someone romantically.

14. How do you keep the relationship going?

I currently am 'good friends' with an ESFP, so my biggest thing has been to make sure I connect with him, question him about his feelings, empathise with him. I try to make him feel loved, listened to, and valued, because he seems to be really insecure about those things. I think keeping a relationship going is largely about complementing the other person without losing yourself, making your partner grow while growing and learning at the same time.

15. What challenges do you face in expressing your love?

His constant need for interaction and connection and assurance. I find it smothering sometimes, and that makes me run from him. I also am not naturally trusting or outwardly affectionate, and physical affection sometimes makes me feel smothered and confined, and so I find it hard to actually show affection in tangible, visible, verbal ways. I've never actually told him 'I love you,' because my safety/comfort level isn't there yet, but I think it all the time.

16. What signals should a confused partner look for in order to be assured of continued interest?

If I want to talk to you and constantly make an effort to connect with you, it's because I'm interested. Or if I ask your opinion on things. Or if I get jealous of other people.

[Minerva]

"threatening my independence" is a good way to put it - that's exactly what I'm afraid of. I don't mind being single, so I'm not exactly thinking of how I'd scare a potential mate away, I'm scared of what will happen if I do have a potential mate, and they make all kinds of demands of me and my time.

Luckily, the last person I liked was an INTJ and I don't think he noticed that I was snarkier for a while. How did things with your INTJ work out in the end?

It didn't. Actually, we don't speak anymore... That's how bad it ended. Sometimes I wish that it ended on a better note, but his behaviour made me question whether or not I really wanted a relationship with him after all. He has lots of beautiful qualities, but he treated me really unfairly. So maybe it's best that we are no longer in contact.

[Jughead]

It didn't. Actually, we don't speak anymore... That's how bad it ended. Sometimes I wish that it ended on a better note, but his behaviour made me question whether or not I really wanted a relationship with him after all. He has lots of beautiful qualities, but he treated me really unfairly. So maybe it's best that we are no longer in contact.

Oh, I'm sorry :(. He seems like someone who hasn't come to terms with handling emotion just yet, so it was probably for the best :(.

[cp444]

1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person?
I don't do anything.

2. How would you respond if they tried to catch your eye?
I get shy, and look away.

3. Is there ever such a thing as too much interest shown by the other party?
Only the horny bastards act that way.

4. Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you?
Maybe.

5. Do you take risks in relationships?
What do you mean?

6. Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow?
I go with the flow in terms of, ok, let's go to SoHo today, and I go with the flow. But I need to know what's happening next in a relationship.

7. What is your opinion on the existence of "love at first sight"?
I think it's pure animal attraction.

8. What is your opinion on gestures of physical affection when in a relationship?
No way!

9. On a first date, how do you usually act?
Quiet.

10. Would you ask your date out again?
Never. I'm a woman. I've got to play the game.

11. How would you like to be approached by an interested person?
Yeah! I like that.

12. How long does it take for you to decide to date exclusively?
Hmm... I haven't dated that much, so I don't know this answer.

13. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody?
Totally into him when he speaks, I just surrender myself.