Dissociation with my subconscious- do you think I'm delusional?

[jnoelle]

I'm getting kind of worried about my current mental status. I can't view my subconscious mind as a part of me. It's like some great controller who manipulates my thoughts and controls my actions, while I'm just a conscious shell that acts as a vessel for said subconscious mind. I always feel like my subconscious is mocking me- showing me cryptic symbols and situations in my dreams and as I'm falling asleep, and then bothering me when I can't figure out what exactly they mean. I've had anxiety attacks from not being able to figure it out, or from being shown too much to handle. Now, I started a gluten-free diet (I was showing symptoms of celiac), and haven't had any anxiety attacks since, but still, I feel a severe dissociation with my subconscious mind (to the point that "it's" more of a "he"), and am somewhat afraid of it. But whenever I do figure out one of its messages (which generally just tell me my priorities in life or how I truly feel about something), I feel truly happy. Like, happier than anything else has ever made me. But I also am starting to feel like I, as a conscious being, don't really exist, and that the real me is simply my subconscious mind in some weird, purely biological shell.

This started getting more serious when I was around 17 and a half, and I turned 18 around a month and a half ago. I still live at home and could easily be forced/coerced into taking medications (with not-so-lovely sideffects), and honestly, the thought of those medicines scare me more than death. Now, I'd be totally willing to try some sort of non-chemical therapy if this actually seems like more than a weird self-image plus my already existing GAD, don't get me wrong. I just would hate to lose my gifted academic skills. They're seriously what I live for.

So, what do you think I should do? Do you think I should be concerned, even though the anxiety has completely left? Do you think I might actually be right in how I view my conscious/subconscious minds? Do you think I'll be okay as long as I keep an eye on it? I mean, nothing has ever driven me to violence or even anger. Just anxiety at the very worst, and I just take a sleeping pill and that usually tones down the anxiety ASAP.

[ppu6502]

Try to find activities that center around things you consider to be 'core' to your sense of self. It sounds like you've gone through changes mentally/behaviorally faster than your sense of self could keep up with, and now it's entirely in contention what 'self' means to you. Even when you've changed a lot for the better, it's important to recognize the things that haven't changed and integrate them into your life to retain that comfortable sense of self-consistency.

[jnoelle]

Interesting. The thing is, my childhood was incredibly dull and uneventful. I highly doubt you want me sitting there, watching Scooby Doo all day while chatting on AIM with those whiny bitches from middle school. I also don't think I've changed much in the past few years. Yeah, I've become more interested in science, but that's about it. Maybe me doing more drawing or getting back into fencing full-swing may help, even just to take my mind off of my (other) mind for a few extra hours.

[ppu6502]

I've had a few substance-induced times where subconscious thoughts would emerge into my consciousness. They would sometimes be insightful, other times completely random and strange, and occasionally a little frightening. Maybe what is happening is you're consciously becoming aware of the "temporary" precursors to your normal thoughts. Since they are only precursors, they can be very flawed and confusing. For example, normally when you see a dog you might very briefly think "that dog might bite me" -- but after a moment's thought you will rationalize that it's unlikely the dog is actually going to bite you. The initial thought isn't particularly useful, but your mind goes there on the route to it's final comprehension.

[Sprelious]

Absolutely fascinating. My subconcious is in Hyperdrive at all times, but works exclusively in the background. I think of my subconsious as a computer, working on problems all the time and supplying me with actionable solutions.

Embrace your subconsious, it's a very pwoerful tool at your disposal.

[jnoelle]

I've had a few substance-induced times where subconscious thoughts would emerge into my consciousness. They would sometimes be insightful, other times completely random and strange, and occasionally a little frightening. Maybe what is happening is you're consciously becoming aware of the "temporary" precursors to your normal thoughts. Since they are only precursors, they can be very flawed and confusing. For example, normally when you see a dog you might very briefly think "that dog might bite me" -- but after a moment's thought you will rationalize that it's unlikely the dog is actually going to bite you. The initial thought isn't particularly useful, but your mind goes there on the route to it's final comprehension.
This is more like bigass revelations on my life and feelings, not just, "Oh hey, that dog looks a little creepy when you look quickly". But it just takes me so damn long to realize what it all means. And then my mind has to go and rub its architectural skills in my face while I can't even draw a proper building. -_- I also can pretty much see my thoughts travel through the various levels of consciousness, and sometimes they don't quite surface, and it's so frustrating. It's like always being told you're not good enough to know a particular fact, or that you don't deserve to know unless you figure it out.

I'm just worried that my subconscious is going to completely rule my life with his little games and puzzles. I don't want to end up in a mental ward, wasting my life away because I can't stop yelling at myself. At the moment, I'm fine, but what if this progresses?

[ppu6502]

This is more like bigass revelations on my life and feelings, not just, "Oh hey, that dog looks a little creepy when you look quickly". But it just takes me so damn long to realize what it all means. And then my mind has to go and rub its architectural skills in my face while I can't even draw a proper building. -_- I also can pretty much see my thoughts travel through the various levels of consciousness, and sometimes they don't quite surface, and it's so frustrating. It's like always being told you're not good enough to know a particular fact, or that you don't deserve to know unless you figure it out.

I'm just worried that my subconscious is going to completely rule my life with his little games and puzzles. I don't want to end up in a mental ward, wasting my life away because I can't stop yelling at myself. At the moment, I'm fine, but what if this progresses?

Sounds like a legitimate mental disorder, if it was me I would probably try to conquer it mentally, and failing that seek therapy. That's just my dumb opinion though. Good luck, at least you've got an interesting unique puzzle to solve.

[jnoelle]

Absolutely fascinating. My subconcious is in Hyperdrive at all times, but works exclusively in the background. I think of my subconsious as a computer, working on problems all the time and supplying me with actionable solutions.

Embrace your subconsious, it's a very pwoerful tool at your disposal.
The thing is, everything seems to be related to me. Not anything useful. (Although my subconscious does give me chemical equations to balance in my sleep and they end up being cute little messages once conscious!me gets through with them. And he did help me diagnose the pinched nerve in my neck months before I got x-rays and MRIs...) It's fun at times to see your mind work in such a concrete way (my mind has shown itself to me by creating a city as a visual aid, but I haven't seen the whole city. It's freakin huge.), but it definitely gets frustrating after that fifth day of being clueless. Sometimes, interpreting the dreams is the only thing I have on my mind, and everything else goes into auto-pilot. And my subconscious used to get so angry with me if I couldn't handle what I was shown or couldn't decipher it fast enough. At least now, the attacks have stopped. No wonder why I never, ever ate any sort of wheat-containing product in my dreams and told me to check my hormones... But of course I would never notice those details until somebody pointed them out to me in my conscious life because I'm goddamn oblivious.

---------- Post added 06-15-2011 at 10:14 PM ----------

Sounds like a legitimate mental disorder, if it was me I would probably try to conquer it mentally, and failing that seek therapy. That's just my dumb opinion though. Good luck, at least you've got an interesting unique puzzle to solve.
I tried not thinking. I mean, you can't have a thought disorder if you don't think, right? But who am I kidding, I can't go an hour without thinking about myself. Then I tried to resolve some past relationship issues. That didn't really help. And here I am now. Thankfully, the diet helped the anxiety, and I'm nowhere near as stressed out as I was before (and the answers are coming more naturally now, which is great!), but still, this isn't exactly normal. I really want to go to talk therapy, but I'm terrified of being forced into treatments I don't want (like medication). I wish there was a way I could make 100% sure that the therapist wouldn't force me to see a psychiatrist who can force medication. I'm even considering seeing a Unitarian preacher or something about it anonymously, even just to talk to somebody face-to-face about it. I have a friend IRL who knows, but I've never talked to her about it face-to-face. All I was able to say regarding this was "thanks for listening". Do you know if there's any way I could possibly get therapy that's either anonymous or 100% guaranteed to not end in pills, even if it means I can just get some help not stressing out over the puzzles/not letting them take over? (this is directed towards the general forum, btw)

[Haumea]

Do you know if there's any way I could possibly get therapy that's either anonymous or 100% guaranteed to not end in pills

Regular aerobic exercise, preferably intense, so you're drowning in endorphins. Maybe an hour every other day. See what that does as far as calming down the obsessive thoughts. It's good for anxiety as well.

[Dolores]

Willfully focus on the outside world. Else your subconscious will draw you in and finally take over. Don't take this lightly. The symptoms you describe could well be the beginning of a psychotic disorder. I saw this happening to someone. I strongly advise you consult a medical specialist.

[ManWithNoName]

Some of what you describe seems to be Ni at work.

You describe your mind as a 'he'. What exactly is this 'he' like? Is he a guide for you? How would you describe or personify him? Young old? Do you have a mental image for him.

To some degree everyone has mental constructs that they use. Your mind is not one 'whole' but is made up of different parts with different levels and archetypes. N types tend to be in-tune to these different parts than S types and especially Ni types who tend to make good prophets or shamans, where exploration of the inner realm is of great importance. I often go on long walks and have ruminating thoughts where my subconsciousness speaks to me as I contemplate things.

However it's kind of hard to judge the seriousness of what you are experiencing from your description. Mental health is not cut and dry but exists on a continuum.

Are you experiencing any physical symptoms? hallucinations either audio of visual? Mood swings? Depression mania? Feelings of grandeur or paranoia? Feelings that unimportant things like the numbers on a car's license plate or something on a serial box are of grand importance? Is what is happening to you really impeding your life?

Whatever the case if you are feeling overwhelmed there is no shame in getting some help or talking to someone even if it is a minor issue.

[XFire35]

Willfully focus on the outside world. Else your subconscious will draw you in and finally take over. Don't take this lightly. The symptoms you describe could well be the beginning of a psychotic disorder. I saw this happening to someone. I strongly advise you consult a medical specialist.
I concur, your symptoms seems suggestive of a mental disorder.

[Sk8ordude]

Psychiatric drugs simply mask the problem imo, the subconscious mind has more influence over people then most understand or can even notice. I would recomend seeking help from a psychologist, short of that yu have to get it under your control. Stop dwelling on the thoughts that its controlling you, think positive thoughts listen to positive music , exercise, and perhaps start a regular meditation session, adopt a strict schedule that takes your focus off of this problem. In other words you have do develope self control, if not over your subconscious first then at least over whats around you and what you do. I had a similar problem a while ago and this is what worked for me.

[TheStranger]

While psychiatric drugs might only temporarily mask the problem, they are necessary at times due to current constraints of technology elsewhere. I think they did a study awhile back on clinical depression, and during autopsies of those diagnosed, found the myelin sheaths were being worn down. They also supposedly found a genetic link for ADHD, where sequences of DNA were missing and NCVs were over-lapping, etc. That's not even taking into consideration the findings of Biological Psychiatry (even though there have been tones of disparagement from others at times). I just think if someone has a true psychiatric/neurological problem, will power alone won't be enough.

As for the OP's situation...I'm loathe to suggest medications. Although from my addled perspective, you may have some slight OCD tendencies. An intelligent and perceptive, not to mention benevolent therapist, is what you need, I think.

Also, exercise and a healthy diet can only aid you, obviously.

[jnoelle]

Some of what you describe seems to be Ni at work.

You describe your mind as a 'he'. What exactly is this 'he' like? Is he a guide for you? How would you describe or personify him? Young old? Do you have a mental image for him.

To some degree everyone has mental constructs that they use. Your mind is not one 'whole' but is made up of different parts with different levels and archetypes. N types tend to be in-tune to these different parts than S types and especially Ni types who tend to make good prophets or shamans, where exploration of the inner realm is of great importance. I often go on long walks and have ruminating thoughts where my subconsciousness speaks to me as I contemplate things.

However it's kind of hard to judge the seriousness of what you are experiencing from your description. Mental health is not cut and dry but exists on a continuum.

Are you experiencing any physical symptoms? hallucinations either audio of visual? Mood swings? Depression mania? Feelings of grandeur or paranoia? Feelings that unimportant things like the numbers on a car's license plate or something on a serial box are of grand importance? Is what is happening to you really impeding your life?

Whatever the case if you are feeling overwhelmed there is no shame in getting some help or talking to someone even if it is a minor issue.
He's a dude with glasses, around 6 feet tall, with a somewhat elongated/oblong head, and his hair is getting a little shaggy. It's medium-dark brown. He sometimes wears glasses (I assume for reading). He created my city (in the Dream Thread in the Members Only forum, you can read about that) that represents my thoughts.

I don't hallucinate, but as I go to sleep, I can actively hear my subconscious chattering and at times can remember what is said, and sometimes I imagine pictures. I know that none of these things are real/exist, though. Although, a few nights ago, I had a waking dream that my ceiling was covered in spiders, and I sprinted to the light switch to check, but that's probably different. I don't believe that the dull old real-life things mean anything, but what I see as I fall asleep tends to affect me greatly (I attempted to get back together with an old friend of mine just because I was shown an open door and heard him yell "SHUT THE GODDAMN DOOR" which meant he wanted closure in one way or another, for example). I do have some manic episodes, which I usually resolve by defacing photocopies of my school yearbook with my soldering iron or taking a sleeping pill or some melatonin. I also have chest pain whenever I feel happy/solve a puzzle, if that's relevant.

---------- Post added 06-16-2011 at 07:05 PM ----------

Willfully focus on the outside world. Else your subconscious will draw you in and finally take over. Don't take this lightly. The symptoms you describe could well be the beginning of a psychotic disorder. I saw this happening to someone. I strongly advise you consult a medical specialist.
Just wondering, what do you think would happen if my subconscious took over?

---------- Post added 06-16-2011 at 07:08 PM ----------

While psychiatric drugs might only temporarily mask the problem, they are necessary at times due to current constraints of technology elsewhere. I think they did a study awhile back on clinical depression, and during autopsies of those diagnosed, found the myelin sheaths were being worn down. They also supposedly found a genetic link for ADHD, where sequences of DNA were missing and NCVs were over-lapping, etc. That's not even taking into consideration the findings of Biological Psychiatry (even though there have been tones of disparagement from others at times). I just think if someone has a true psychiatric/neurological problem, will power alone won't be enough.

As for the OP's situation...I'm loathe to suggest medications. Although from my addled perspective, you may have some slight OCD tendencies. An intelligent and perceptive, not to mention benevolent therapist, is what you need, I think.

Also, exercise and a healthy diet can only aid you, obviously.
I definitely know that some people need psych meds (hell, I plan on developing new ones for a living). I just don't think I'm anywhere near the point that I need them, and wouldn't risk taking them unless they were my only option because the sideffects are pretty suckish. I speak only for myself here and am in no way one of those "MEDS R EVUL" conspiracy nuts. Just clarifying.

OCD? Really? I never would have thought, but then again, most OCD cases I've seen (not many) are either related to bacteria/germs or religion.

[SarcasticVlad]

I've seen that episode of House and I'm not impressed by your "real" story. Now if it's OK with you, I'll go back to eating my cynic cookie.

[jnoelle]

I've seen that episode of House and I'm not impressed by your "real" story. Now if it's OK with you, I'll go back to eating my cynic cookie.
Wait, what?
Are you talking about the episode with the lady who ate moldy bread and saw her dead mom?

[SarcasticVlad]

No, and it doesn't matter.

[jnoelle]

What episode are you referencing? Because that's the only one I can think of when somebody was delusional.

Anyway, why would I make this shit up? This has been causing me anguish for months. What if my mom finds out and convinces a doctor to force me onto meds? I've been afraid of sleeping because of this, because I was afraid of being tossed yet another task that I can't handle, or being shown yet another disturbing image.

While it's good to question everything, all I have to say is: STFU, you don't know what's going on in my head, and to automatically dismiss it because it may have some elements in common with a popular TV show is just moronic.

Now, unless you have anything relevant to say to my question, just stop talking.

[deckard]

Sounds like normalcy to me.

[SarcasticVlad]

What episode are you referencing? Because that's the only one I can think of when somebody was delusional.

Anyway, why would I make this shit up? This has been causing me anguish for months. What if my mom finds out and convinces a doctor to force me onto meds? I've been afraid of sleeping because of this, because I was afraid of being tossed yet another task that I can't handle, or being shown yet another disturbing image.

While it's good to question everything, all I have to say is: STFU, you don't know what's going on in my head, and to automatically dismiss it because it may have some elements in common with a popular TV show is just moronic.

Now, unless you have anything relevant to say to my question, just stop talking.
You don't need to justify yourself to a cynic. So long sailor.

[jnoelle]

You don't need to justify yourself to a cynic. So long sailor.
It's one thing to be cynical, but another thing to completely refuse to believe anything you're shown, no matter what. So yeah, trying to convince you that I'm being honest would be pointless, plus there wouldn't be any proof unless I got diagnosed and showed proof of a formal diagnosis, anyway. Yeah, you have no real reason to believe me, but you don't have to be a douche about it, especially when- wait for it- you're wrong.

[ppu6502]

You don't need to justify yourself to a cynic. So long sailor.

You're not a cynic, I don't believe you

[jnoelle]

You're not a cynic, I don't believe you
I bet he's only pretending to be a cynic because Dr. House is one. Obviously.

[Imagineering]

Drawing would help you so much. It gets you in touch with this kind of thing. Once you go into the automatic mode of thought you get into the deeper subconscious stuff. It's probably only cut off because you have been starving it. I don't get the same affect when writing either. it's why I'd rather draw to explore inner thinking.

[heartland]

In answer to the question in the title: yes.

[SarcasticVlad]

I bet he's only pretending to be a cynic because Dr. House is one. Obviously.
I was going to let it slide but I guess I'm just not good at lettings go.

You haven't got a clue. You don't know the first thing about me. Would you like to know why I snapped at you yesterday? Why your post pissed me off? I’m going to tell you regardless.
How about the fact that I know a little more about real life problems than you? And unlike you I don't have to create imaginary problems because I can’t face real ones. But I’ll get to that soon enough. You see, I was born with a cleft lip and palate. That isn’t something that can just go away with meds and not everyone can pay for enough surgeries to have it fixed entirely. I only had 3 surgeries. So I had to learn how to deal with when I was 12 years old. And the only way to deal with something like that is to wear it like fuckin’ armor. And right now I wouldn’t trade my scars for anything in the world. It helped understand people and their real intentions more than I’d like to know. If that can’t make someone cynical I don’t know what can. And I choose that ugly word because it’s the word society uses to describe realists. There is nothing irrational about my worldview.
And then someone like you comes along. And what did you expect, really? Let’s say for a minute that you do have a severe problem like the one you described. What the fuck did you expect from a forum populated mostly by people who firmly believe that every aspect of their life can be explained by their MB type? What could they possibly tell you? All you can get from most of these people is something along the lines of “it’s your Ni and it’s doing bla bla bla” and “your Ni is in conflinct with bla bla bla” etc. Any person of average intelligence knows that a problem like that requires medical attention. But people on this forum regardless of how smart they are, will jump right up when given a chance to discuss about subconscious thought. I don’t blame them, it’s a fascinating subject. But this is not a medical facility and forum members aren’t qualified medical staff. Even if they are in real life they can’t help you on the board.
But I don’t think you’re that stupid, no. I think you knew that. Maybe not consciously, but deep down you knew that and you wanted an affirmation that nothing is wrong with you so that you won’t have to deal with your real problems of inadequacy and whatever the fuck else is truly bothering you. You're a teen with anxiety problems. Big fuckin' deal. Cry me a river. There are meds for that.
So in conclusion, if you really have a problem, go to a fuckin’ hospital or get a shrink. If you don’t, get the fuck out.

[Persona]

^tl;dr: ignore the Jung fanboys, go see a psychiatrist, don't post about it here

I agree wholeheartedly.

[jnoelle]

I was going to let it slide but I guess I'm just not good at lettings go.

You haven't got a clue. You don't know the first thing about me. Would you like to know why I snapped at you yesterday? Why your post pissed me off? I’m going to tell you regardless.
How about the fact that I know a little more about real life problems than you? And unlike you I don't have to create imaginary problems because I can’t face real ones. But I’ll get to that soon enough. You see, I was born with a cleft lip and palate. That isn’t something that can just go away with meds and not everyone can pay for enough surgeries to have it fixed entirely. I only had 3 surgeries. So I had to learn how to deal with when I was 12 years old. And the only way to deal with something like that is to wear it like fuckin’ armor. And right now I wouldn’t trade my scars for anything in the world. It helped understand people and their real intentions more than I’d like to know. If that can’t make someone cynical I don’t know what can. And I choose that ugly word because it’s the word society uses to describe realists. There is nothing irrational about my worldview.
And then someone like you comes along. And what did you expect, really? Let’s say for a minute that you do have a severe problem like the one you described. What the fuck did you expect from a forum populated mostly by people who firmly believe that every aspect of their life can be explained by their MB type? What could they possibly tell you? All you can get from most of these people is something along the lines of “it’s your Ni and it’s doing bla bla bla” and “your Ni is in conflinct with bla bla bla” etc. Any person of average intelligence knows that a problem like that requires medical attention. But people on this forum regardless of how smart they are, will jump right up when given a chance to discuss about subconscious thought. I don’t blame them, it’s a fascinating subject. But this is not a medical facility and forum members aren’t qualified medical staff. Even if they are in real life they can’t help you on the board.
But I don’t think you’re that stupid, no. I think you knew that. Maybe not consciously, but deep down you knew that and you wanted an affirmation that nothing is wrong with you so that you won’t have to deal with your real problems of inadequacy and whatever the fuck else is truly bothering you. You're a teen with anxiety problems. Big fuckin' deal. Cry me a river. There are meds for that.
So in conclusion, if you really have a problem, go to a fuckin’ hospital or get a shrink. If you don’t, get the fuck out.
Except, um, my problem isn't made up. I know another person with similar issues (although he believed in a load of pseudoscientific bunk so I completely disregarded anything he had to say regarding them) and I received a message from another person on this forum saying that they relate to my situation. It's obviously somewhat common enough that the writers of House heard of it and made an episode about it. What's next? Anyone with cancer is a liar too because a patient on House had cancer?

And I admit that maybe I do just want somebody to say, "You're going to be fine" but last time I asked anyone about this, I was much more severe, and the people on that site responded super-alarmingly. But that site is full of pretty much full-time people-helpers who feel guilty just for leaving the water on while brushing their teeth (because using less water in America helps drill wells for poor people in Africa, apparently?). But my condition has changed, seemingly for the better, and I wanted to get some imput from somebody else. Plus, just talking about it to a bunch of people who in no way can tell anyone who could theoretically force me onto meds helps.

Until I move out and head off to college, I can't get a shrink because my mom would find out and ask too many questions. This is all I can do for now.

[Bluesea]

I'm getting kind of worried about my current mental status. I can't view my subconscious mind as a part of me. It's like some great controller who manipulates my thoughts and controls my actions, while I'm just a conscious shell that acts as a vessel for said subconscious mind. I always feel like my subconscious is mocking me- showing me cryptic symbols and situations in my dreams and as I'm falling asleep, and then bothering me when I can't figure out what exactly they mean. I've had anxiety attacks from not being able to figure it out, or from being shown too much to handle. Now, I started a gluten-free diet (I was showing symptoms of celiac), and haven't had any anxiety attacks since, but still, I feel a severe dissociation with my subconscious mind (to the point that "it's" more of a "he"), and am somewhat afraid of it. But whenever I do figure out one of its messages (which generally just tell me my priorities in life or how I truly feel about something), I feel truly happy. Like, happier than anything else has ever made me. But I also am starting to feel like I, as a conscious being, don't really exist, and that the real me is simply my subconscious mind in some weird, purely biological shell.

This started getting more serious when I was around 17 and a half, and I turned 18 around a month and a half ago. I still live at home and could easily be forced/coerced into taking medications (with not-so-lovely sideffects), and honestly, the thought of those medicines scare me more than death. Now, I'd be totally willing to try some sort of non-chemical therapy if this actually seems like more than a weird self-image plus my already existing GAD, don't get me wrong. I just would hate to lose my gifted academic skills. They're seriously what I live for.

So, what do you think I should do? Do you think I should be concerned, even though the anxiety has completely left? Do you think I might actually be right in how I view my conscious/subconscious minds? Do you think I'll be okay as long as I keep an eye on it? I mean, nothing has ever driven me to violence or even anger. Just anxiety at the very worst, and I just take a sleeping pill and that usually tones down the anxiety ASAP.

It is not always good for our mental health to get too self absorbed in the workings of our internal system especially to become fixated upon it and to interpret it in worrying ways.

Put more attention outside yourself on your external world, environment, what is happening in the world ... spend time paying close attention and getting interested in the details and uniqueness of things you see and experience through all your senses in the external world. Do this until you feel a stronger sense of groundedness and sharper clarity of what is going on around you. Spend time appreciating that reality.

There are questions that have no answers ... this can be accepted and nothing bad will happen, yet peace and a bigger realisation about life and yourself can arrive.

[Autumnleaf]

Talk to a shrink under an assumed name and tell them from the start that pills aren't an option, if that is how you feel.

[Dolores]

Just wondering, what do you think would happen if my subconscious took over?


Once your subconscious has taken over, you won't be able to control it any longer. Your conscious self will more and more vanish. Your conscious and rational thought process will not work any longer. You won't be able to take a decision. You will be entirely disconnected from reality. You won't be able to judge your actions because you experience a delusional world created by your subconscious and you will take it all for real. You will be a slave to your subconscious which will entirely be in charge of what you perceive, experience and feel.


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If you feel this is happening to you, please seek help as long as you are still able to.

[Persona]

Plus, just talking about it to a bunch of people who in no way can tell anyone who could theoretically force me onto meds helps.
One of the reasons psychiatrists are allowed to prescribe meds is that they have proved that they actually know what they are talking about. Whether or not they let their personal biases enter into the equation is what distinguishes a fantastic psych from a quack, but there are enough people with their own (completely different) delusions on this forum that I can't imagine anything anyone here has to say being really helpful.

Until I move out and head off to college, I can't get a shrink because my mom would find out and ask too many questions. This is all I can do for now.
It might be worth it, if you can prevent a total loss of identity.

[jnoelle]

@Dolores: I wouldn't say that those things apply to me, but every day I tell myself that I need to watch myself, and on my blog, I post somewhat-regular updates if I feel anxiety or any more paranoia or have an attack, and some of my followers have really been watching me carefully to make sure that I don't really cross that line of not being able to wait for treatment any longer.

@Autumnleaf: But I don't want to pay out-of-pocket. I have insurance, but it'd only work if I used my real name. I could easily tell my mom that the sessions were just to ease some school-related and moving-related anxiety once I go off to school, though.

@Persona: Unfortunately, it's hard to tell a legit shrink from a total quack unless you go in there and learn first-hand. Thankfully, most universities have psychology programs, and I plan on at least doing a concentration in neuroscience, so hopefully I'll be able to ask some of my professors for input or suggestions while trying to get my psych pre-reqs out of the way.

[Persona]

Okay, it looks like you have enough contingencies set up, then. Good luck!