drinking and relationships

[Eric86]

Post stories about how drinking has affected your relationships with other people, whether it be positively or negatively, specific instances or experiences over time.




So, I went to a bar with some friends from work tonight, and I had five drinks (maybe six or seven?...depending on how much they put in the bigger ones I had). This was only the second time I've drank. I wasn't totally wasted, like to the point where I feel nauseus; I was (and still am) at the point where I can still talk completely straight and normal like I always do, and my balance and everything else is unaffected as well (even when I am at the point where I can't talk straight, my thinking is still the same as always [as is my balance], and I am actually somewhat hyper, like I keep tapping my foot on the floor when I'm sitting down and feel like I should go jump around for a while for no reason, but there is a definitely strong "buzz" or whatever you might want to call it, and would most likely qualify as legally drunk; however, my judgment and morals are unaffected--the only difference is that I am far more open to others about how I feel towards them and am a lot more willing to show them how much I care about them, like by telling them or by giving them hugs or whatever). My really good friend Danielle, who I work with, was there as well (along with a few other coworkers), helping me to try different drinks and stuff (since I don't know very much about all that) and just talking about whatever random stuff, and the subject came up of all the problems she's been having with her boyfriend; it's very complicated, but suffice it to say that she is not being treated nearly as well as she should be, and he is not appreciating her for the amazing girl she is. I have felt this way about her for quite a long time, but normally I'm not very good at expressing how I feel, especially in situations where there are other people around that I don't know very well; I basically (while I was there, and in the parking lot) told her how amazing I think she is and that I love her very very much, and gave her a hug before she left (we left at the same time, I got a ride with someone else), and I thanked her for inviting me along because it was a lot of fun. Also, when I got home, I called her and left a message telling her how much I've been concerned about her all this time ever since I knew about what she's being going through, even though she is a very strong girl and doesn't show it, I know that somewhere deep inside of her it really does hurt, and that it really hurts my heart to know that she isn't being shown the love that she deserves, and I was basically just pouring my heart out about how much I care about her and how I really want things to get better for her and I was crying during all that, and then I got to the point where I was crying so much I couldn't think of anything else to say, so I hung up, and then after I cried for a good while (like really heart-rending crying, I felt so sad for her I couldn't control it, and I also cried out many times to God to help her), I sent her a long text message saying that I hope she isn't worrying about me, and that I'm fine, but I just couldn't help but worry about her, and that I thought that she deserved to know everything that I feel about all of that. I know that every girl deserves that, but knowing her personally, and knowing what she's been through and everything that she's helped me go through and improve about myself, and just overall my eventual knowing of who she really is deep inside, made me especially feel that way. Through all of this, I just wanted to show her as much as possible how much I support her and care about her.

[Malotis]

Only your second time eh? Man I wouldnt know where to beging when describing my experiences. In terms of relationships, I feel closer to the people I've drank with. People have a tendency to share personal information they normally would not have shared if they were sober. I mean there are your friends, then your friends that you've drank with, and for some reason I tend to put them into different catagories. Also, in the past I've had a blast drinking with the partner I was romantically involved with. The sex is awesome (it tends to last a lot longer if I've had a couple drinks) and it has made me feel closer to them and more open than I would have been otherwise.

The downside is the hangovers. For a while after I first started drinking I would never get hang overs. It was convenient but it wasn't too long before my first bad hang over made me really watch how much I drank. That said, I'm literally counting down the days untill I turn 21. It really makes me second guess my luck in being born into the only country in the world where I can't drink legally.

[Eric86]

I said all that because it's true. I'm sorry you can't see it that way. I did have five drinks, but two of them were talls, and I didn't ask how much they put in the talls, so I can't say for sure exactly how much I had because of that, that's all. I don't say anything if I don't know for sure it's true because I absolutely hate lying. I'm pretty sure you can't tell me what's going on in my mind too; you don't even know me and you weren't there.

[Eric86]

Also, I walked there; it was only about a mile away.

[mkay]

I'm petite and I can get buzzed after four shots or three glasses of wine or so, and that's after years of social drinking. I like drinking, but I know my limits. I didn't start drinking as much, for instance, because you don't have much tolerance when you start. I've never been drunk or had a hangover; I just drink enough to get a buzz. I'm more relaxed when I drink, but I'm pretty relaxed anyway, so it doesn't make much difference. I don't drink so much that I'd put myself in any kind of risky situation or do anything I'd regret later. I enjoy the buzz, but I don't use alcohol to do anything I couldn't do sober.

In high school and college, some people boast about their alcohol or drug use. I figure they must be excited by the novelty of it, feel sort of grownup, but that always seemed immature to me. Anyone can drink or drug himself into a stupor; I don't get why some people boast about it. (I'm not saying you're one of them, Eric.) When I hear people talk about how stupidly or outrageously they behaved while under the influence, I think that they're idiots (if I drank and behaved stupidly, I wouldn't go around advertising it) or that they lack courage (because they need liquor to steel themselves to do something they lack the strength to do sober).

[Qweevox]

Eric86 said:

"So, I went to a bar with some friends from work tonight, and I had five drinks (maybe six or seven?...depending on how much they put in the bigger ones I had). This was only the second time I've drank. I wasn't totally wasted, like to the point where I feel nauseus; I was (and still am) at the point where I can still talk completely straight and normal like I always do, and my balance and everything else is unaffected as well (even when I am at the point where I can't talk straight, my thinking is still the same as always [as is my balance], and I am actually somewhat hyper, like I keep tapping my foot on the floor when I'm sitting down and feel like I should go jump around for a while for no reason, but there is a definitely strong "buzz" or whatever you might want to call it, and would most likely qualify as legally drunk; however, my judgment and morals are unaffected--..."

------------------------

Yes, most people pretty much think the same thing when they are drunk. That's why 40,000 people a year are killed in alcohol-related auto-accidents. If you could see yourself in this state, though, you'd know how grossly you have underestimated the effect of 6 or 7 drinks.

My parents were both alcoholics, and I grew up around alcoholics. When I was in high-school, my father founded and operated a halfway house for substance abusers. I've heard your words before, many times.

From your post, it's clear that you aren't really even sure how many drinks you had. Does that bother you? It should.

I had some wine myself last night, so I'm not a wacko on this subject. But I implore you to practice some wisdom here; the cost of irresponsibility in this areas can be very high for you and everyone around you.

It appears that you missed the point of the question.

I don't think the original poster was trying to engage in a discussion on the morality of drinking, nor the negative effects drinking alcohol has on driving. She also wasn't looking for recommendations on proper protocol for drinking alcohol. As she clearly stated, she was looking for a discussion on the interpersonal effects drinking had on social interaction.

My experience is mixed. I would have to say in my early 20's I had more negative experiences with alcohol. With age, and perhaps wisdom I can say that most of my experiences now are positive. Although this is perhaps skewed by the fact that I don't drink to excess as much as I did in my 20's. I find that drinking alcohol with people opens them up. Alcohol tends to lower their guard so that you can glimpse a bit of who they are behind their everyday mask. Of course you have to filter it somewhat, alcohol is definitely not a perfect "truth" serum. However, the conversations can become more laden with emotion. I have to say that I rather enjoy drinking when time and circumstance permits.

[Eric86]

Yeah, the stuff that was bolded were really just random comments I made during my train of thought. I can talk to others about my feelings and whatnot no problem normally, since I'm a very open person; this is just another fun way to do it.:p

[Max]

I become extremely extroverted when I'm drunk. It's not like I have no control over my thoughts (because I do) I'm just not afraid to express them. I completely agree with the saying "A drunk mind speaks a sober heart" because that is very true for me. That being said, drinking alcohol really does bring me closer to my friends and that's why I've never turned down an opportunity to get wasted = ]

[Motor Jax]

Post stories about how drinking has affected your relationships with other people, whether it be positively or negatively, specific instances or experiences over time.




So, I went to a bar with some friends from work tonight, and I had five drinks (maybe six or seven?...depending on how much they put in the bigger ones I had). This was only the second time I've drank. I wasn't totally wasted, like to the point where I feel nauseus; I was (and still am) at the point where I can still talk completely straight and normal like I always do, and my balance and everything else is unaffected as well (even when I am at the point where I can't talk straight, my thinking is still the same as always [as is my balance], and I am actually somewhat hyper, like I keep tapping my foot on the floor when I'm sitting down and feel like I should go jump around for a while for no reason, but there is a definitely strong "buzz" or whatever you might want to call it, and would most likely qualify as legally drunk; however, my judgment and morals are unaffected--the only difference is that I am far more open to others about how I feel towards them and am a lot more willing to show them how much I care about them, like by telling them or by giving them hugs or whatever). My really good friend Danielle, who I work with, was there as well (along with a few other coworkers), helping me to try different drinks and stuff (since I don't know very much about all that) and just talking about whatever random stuff, and the subject came up of all the problems she's been having with her boyfriend; it's very complicated, but suffice it to say that she is not being treated nearly as well as she should be, and he is not appreciating her for the amazing girl she is. I have felt this way about her for quite a long time, but normally I'm not very good at expressing how I feel, especially in situations where there are other people around that I don't know very well; I basically (while I was there, and in the parking lot) told her how amazing I think she is and that I love her very very much, and gave her a hug before she left (we left at the same time, I got a ride with someone else), and I thanked her for inviting me along because it was a lot of fun. Also, when I got home, I called her and left a message telling her how much I've been concerned about her all this time ever since I knew about what she's being going through, even though she is a very strong girl and doesn't show it, I know that somewhere deep inside of her it really does hurt, and that it really hurts my heart to know that she isn't being shown the love that she deserves, and I was basically just pouring my heart out about how much I care about her and how I really want things to get better for her and I was crying during all that, and then I got to the point where I was crying so much I couldn't think of anything else to say, so I hung up, and then after I cried for a good while (like really heart-rending crying, I felt so sad for her I couldn't control it, and I also cried out many times to God to help her), I sent her a long text message saying that I hope she isn't worrying about me, and that I'm fine, but I just couldn't help but worry about her, and that I thought that she deserved to know everything that I feel about all of that. I know that every girl deserves that, but knowing her personally, and knowing what she's been through and everything that she's helped me go through and improve about myself, and just overall my eventual knowing of who she really is deep inside, made me especially feel that way. Through all of this, I just wanted to show her as much as possible how much I support her and care about her.

at first, i was like, "wait a minute. cry? INTJs don't cry... do they?" then i seen your MBTI type and was like, "omg, another INFJ... yep, an INFJ type reaction." though, i have not been that bad in many, many years since my early, early teens....


I said all that because it's true. I'm sorry you can't see it that way. I did have five drinks, but two of them were talls, and I didn't ask how much they put in the talls, so I can't say for sure exactly how much I had because of that, that's all. I don't say anything if I don't know for sure it's true because I absolutely hate lying. I'm pretty sure you can't tell me what's going on in my mind too; you don't even know me and you weren't there.

and then i was like, "darn, quick on that INFJ trigger, aren't we?" ^ some over-defensiveness


anyways, i am sure that bawling on the phone to this person would now, most likely, have freaked this person out... kinda like an emotional overkill... there is a time and place for everything, and on the phone isn't one of them... at least, not one you want to have a commitment to

[bebegirl]

It appears that you missed the point of the question.

I don't think the original poster was trying to engage in a discussion on the morality of drinking, nor the negative effects drinking alcohol has on driving. She also wasn't looking for recommendations on proper protocol for drinking alcohol. As she clearly stated, she was looking for a discussion on the interpersonal effects drinking had on social interaction.

My experience is mixed. I would have to say in my early 20's I had more negative experiences with alcohol. With age, and perhaps wisdom I can say that most of my experiences now are positive. Although this is perhaps skewed by the fact that I don't drink to excess as much as I did in my 20's. I find that drinking alcohol with people opens them up. Alcohol tends to lower their guard so that you can glimpse a bit of who they are behind their everyday mask. Of course you have to filter it somewhat, alcohol is definitely not a perfect "truth" serum. However, the conversations can become more laden with emotion. I have to say that I rather enjoy drinking when time and circumstance permits.
Eric86 is a guy.......

[rahdam]

at first, i was like, "wait a minute. cry? INTJs don't cry... do they?"

I'll give you some insight.

An INTJ *might* cry if he was internally or externally made to feel incompetent.

[hyper84]

When I drink, I get slower to move, slightly less coordinated, but otherwise I stay completely the same. I don't get angry, I don't laugh more or get more extroverted or touchy-feely or anything. So I don't even drink anymore other than an occasional Guinness with a dark chocolate bar (yum). I wish sometimes that drinking could make me more social to feel more like part of a group for a change, but it doesn't happen. So what's the point? Anyone else like that?

[Motor Jax]

i was j/king... lol

of course, everyone does... but the point i was making was that when a guy usually cries on a phone to a chick, that usually freaks them out

i've never understood the emo types though

i guess since i grew up with a stubborn redhead scot/irish mom that had a lot of attitude herself, and didn't put up with the whole crying bit but would rather fight

i guess that is why i would rather use anger than "soft" emotions

[Eric86]

at first, i was like, "wait a minute. cry? INTJs don't cry... do they?" then i seen your MBTI type and was like, "omg, another INFJ... yep, an INFJ type reaction." though, i have not been that bad in many, many years since my early, early teens....




and then i was like, "darn, quick on that INFJ trigger, aren't we?" ^ some over-defensiveness


anyways, i am sure that bawling on the phone to this person would now, most likely, have freaked this person out... kinda like an emotional overkill... there is a time and place for everything, and on the phone isn't one of them... at least, not one you want to have a commitment to
Pretty much all what I said to her was in a voice mail message. She isn't someone I'd want to have a commitment with because she already has a boyfriend. I didn't say any of that as if I actually wanted to be with her, and she knows that; we're very good friends, and she always looks out for me a lot and has helped me with a lot of things. She understood where I was coming from, and really appreciates my concern, but basically just said that I shouldn't worry so much about her.

Also, I would hardly call anything I said "overdefensive." There were some points that had to be made, and so I made them (I was rather brief as well.). That is all. Being overdefensive would most likely have me attacking the person criticizing me, and that's not something I'd want to do.


Another thing.....I have nothing to do with anything related to the term "emo.":rolleyes:

[Motor Jax]

it was obscure, this relationship you have with her.. tks for the clarity

it is also the fact that whenever i hear about this outward display of emotion, that is the first thing that comes to mind

[ElGuyay]

I'd like to thank everyone in this thread for supporting my alcoholism.

[fonmaneal]

I'd like to thank everyone in this thread for supporting my alcoholism.
Like you need that.:)