Parents with Narcissistic Personality Disorder

[smashy]

I recently found out that my mother has a disorder called Narcissistic Personality Disorder, which explains a lot of the toxic behavior towards me all my life and the living hell I had during my child and teen years (and some adult as well). I decided to cut ties with her 2 months ago and I really feel free and happy now.

But I wonder how much of her influence on me led me to became an INTJ, since when I was a child I had low self-esteem and was happier living in my head and fantasy world rather than on the real world.

Does any of you have a mother or a parent with this disorder, or suspect about it? For those who don't know this disorder, here's a link:

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[ManWithNoName]

Ugg, from what I have read about Narcissistic Personality Disorder I would hate to have a parent with it. They seem like irrevocably toxic people which there is no apparent treatment for. I'm glad to hear you have moved on.

[Antagonist]

My mother doesn't have NPD, but I suspect she has Borderline Personality Disorder, and I can highly identify with the toxic behavior. She's currently addicted to hard drugs and I keep contact to a bare minimum.

[Grand]

I believe personality types are mostly innate and genetic. What your Mother's personality type? Since INTJ do tend to have more narcissistic traits than other types.

I had a close INTJ friend who had an INTJ/NPD father who I'm pretty sure it ruined my friend's ability to distinguish reality from fantasy as a child causing him to have NPD as an adult.

[smashy]

My mother's an ESTJ, she did the test several years ago. I don't know if it's genetic but I don't have NPD neither I'm a narcissistic person. But I know that my grandmother (my mother's mother) also had NPD, so maybe it is genetic. I think I'm the generation that says "enough's enough" and break the cycle.

[XFire35]

I'm fairly sure one of the people who raised me has a lot of the characteristics as someone with NPD. I'm somewhat concerned that I'm going to turn out like them.

[therrirl]

I don't think her disorder had any influence on your personality. Most of the people on here will tell you that they were born this way. (INTJ half smile).

I have been trying to find out if INTJ's get the bear's (lion's) share of negative things to live through and it seems so far that Yes, we get the bad end of most things. It's almost like we have bad luck or something?

[smashy]

I'm fairly sure one of the people who raised me has a lot of the characteristics as someone with NPD. I'm somewhat concerned that I'm going to turn out like them.

It is not uncommon for adult children of narcissists to question whether they are narcissists themselves. They recognize certain behaviors in their parent and when they see selfish behaviors of their own, they ask "Am I a narcissist too?" The answer is almost invariably "no".

A narcissist has little ability to objectively look at their own behavior for several reasons, therefore they never question their own motives and actions. For you to be questioning the possibility of your own narcissism suggests to me that you are not a narcissist. You are likely oversensitized to selfish behaviors because of your parent and worry when you see it in yourself.

Hope this helps you.

[benr3600]

I don't think it's luck, as much as it is envy from the other types (with general intelligence being the primary factor). If we were more reclusive like the INTP (and a bit less argumentative), it probably wouldn't be so bad.

I suspect that my mother has NPD...and her father likely does, too. She's just such a pain in the ass to deal with, and passive resistance is the worst thing I can do, because then the insatiable need for attention rears its ugly head. One time she even told me out of the blue she was going to tell my grandparents I "don't want to see them, because I am too busy these days to spend time with the family." Because I moved an hour away to work/go to school full time and couldn't kiss her ass as much as she wanted. She thinks I care about their money (probably her Ne, I believe she is an ENTP) as much as she does, but unlike her it's not my primary concern. So she thinks she can manipulate me by flat out lying to them about me (I've caught her doing it to my sister. But since she's an S she just deals with it) and my sister, to justify her mean treatment of us, among other motives. Also, I can't stand up to her, because as usual, she has enough people in the family drinking her kool-aid that I am sure she'd find a way to spin things to make me look like the insufferable, antagonistic asshole. I am now starting to understand why some here have decided to "cut ties." I once thought that was not possible, but now understand how incredibly futile and toxic a relationship with an NPD immediate family member can be. It is probably very similar to having someone with ASPD, but then again a malignant narcissist can be practically a compound effect of both.