From Dating to Relationship

[belitaangelica]

Have you ever had a problem transitioning from the "dating" phase to the "relationship" one? In the past I always have had a hard time with this transition. If I'm dating someone that I like and who seems to have mutual interest, it always seems to be a slippery transition as we approach official relationship stage.

As INTJs, we're hesitant to share/talk about our feelings, plus we tend to avoid the whole social ritual thing, yet we're highly committed to whatever/whomever we choose. Also the whole tendency to keep part of ourselves hidden. So I wonder how you guys approach or have approached the transition?

Does this even make sense? :thinking:

[changos]

When the water is cold we can get in slowly or just jump into the pool :) I think (just my opinion) people waste time thinking on how they feel sharing time, feelings and so... there are things that just have to be done.

I had problems feeling intimidated on "how long will it take for me to get bored" after sharing lots of time together. It was hard for me to stand close many many hours day after day for months. Other than that, only the "test time" (I live in Central America so parents tend to put guys to the test, is boring) I also think age has lots to do with it as older people get straight to the points quickly and naturally.

I'm 30 now and I don't worry or concern about anything on a relationship anymore. I just respect my time and hers doing what we must: share, talk, share my feelings, past, present whatever... because the goal after all is to find out if we get along.

There is a time to share the past, feelings and so. I'm not saying "give him-her your docs and manual of operations. Most of the people (I think) spend too much time doing other things than trying to be themselves and trying to understand each other.

There was a whole chapter on a book about this being a huge mistake because then, people share "critical" info when on relationship mode (already emotionally involved) and people tend to carry on while in other scenario they would hold back.

Not sure if I explained well the whole situation. Tried to be short.

[curiousjane]

I am hoping to read more responses to this thread. I wait with baited breath.

Dating to a relationship? Sure. That's awkward. I'm on the far, far fringe of this issue at the moment. Not even sure I've made it to "dating" yet. Stupid social rituals and demands.

And I'm with Changos on this one. I think I'm afraid I'll get bored/discouraged waiting out the awkward phase. I'm even more afraid he'll get bored before he has a chance to get to know me well.

For what it's worth ... I don't think anyone finds this easy. It's hardly an INTJ thing, or even an introvert thing. Unless you find a couple that fell madly in love in 10.2 seconds, spent the next 4 months in each other's daily company, and then went for an impromptu drive-thru wedding in Vegas ... and survived the 7-year itch ... I don't think you'll find anybody of any type who goes smoothly through dating into a serious relationship into marriage.

There's a reason romantic comedies are COMEDIES. The struggle from date to mate is fraught with roadblocks.

[ElstonGunn]

Dating to a relationship? Sure. That's awkward. I'm on the far, far fringe of this issue at the moment. Not even sure I've made it to "dating" yet. Stupid social rituals and demands.

My thoughts more or less. Except I'm quite sure that I'm not in the dating area. Getting into that is far more difficult for me than transitioning from that into the "relationship" area.


For what it's worth ... I don't think anyone finds this easy. It's hardly an INTJ thing, or even an introvert thing.

Maybe, but some people do seem to see it as an interesting, exciting, or fun challenge, while other people see it as such a tremendous pain in the ass that it's not even worth putting up with the difficulties to get the prize.

[comet]

I've always found it helpful when your in that transition stage going from dating to a relationship to have a conversation about things like non negotiable needs, negotiable needs and wants. It's imperative to know that your on the same page as the other person before you actually take that next step.

[mkay]

I just played things by ear. I know my own feelings and I'm direct with those I care about. I expect the same of others, like my INTJ husband, or we would have never gotten together.