Harvard MBA - Death of a parent

[GOD]

I've always been interested in the Harvard MBA primarily as it would be interesting to meet people hopefully of the same "ilk" as me.

Anyway, I never went and never even applied, basically it was a function of cost and while my academics were good, they never were outstanding enough, I also despised the GMAT which is the evil of everything academic.

Harvard doesn't use the GMAT, but like all canned and processed items I don't think they would have been perceptive enough to understand my potential. (My US IP lawyer is Harvard educated and I seem to know more about IP strategy than he does.... :-X well, trademark law.)

Anyway, I've been thinking recently about just doing a 10 day course in the summer at Harvard just to chill out and have a beer with a few fellow students...

Well, reading the MBA course application it was interesting to see a question related to whether both your parents were alive.

To me, it really did read "Have you become less naive and do you understand empathy, are your goals now more aligned to higher aspirations for the betterment of others"

Don't know if this is too much of a heavy topic - but has anyone lost a parent and if so how has this changed your perspective on the world and life in general?

Me - I watched my poor mother die of cancer well before here time. I've spend plenty of time talking to someone else who is absolutely outstanding in business and his mother died when he was 12 (poor guy). So, while it’s unpleasant, it seems people of sterner stuff have suffered huge ordeals.

[thegnat]

I'll write my short answer here.

Yes, I've lost my dad when I was less than one year old.

So its affected me since I was able to think and question. I think it partly spurred on my flurry of questions. I didn't understand it when it happened. As I grew I begun to understand what happened and that spurred on a different set of questions.

[GOD]

I'll write my short answer here.

Yes, I've lost my dad when I was less than one year old.

So its affected me since I was able to think and question. *I think it partly spurred on my flurry of questions. *I didn't understand it when it happened. *As I grew I begun to understand what happened and that spurred on a different set of questions.


Yes, I'm not sure how it would affect you, without you knowing him. Suppose you asked a lot of questions of your mother.. guess it was difficult for her.

My mother promissed that she'd do her absolute to contact me from the other side if it was possible. It was only a couple of years ago. Anyway, after she died I was really upset in front of my computer and the room light simply turned off... it freaked me out... I thought it must be the bulb... I went over to the switch and knew that if I flicked it on it really would be a sign... it was just freaking me out... and you know what... I flicked the switch and the light came back on... It blew me away... I tried for a full hour to see if I could get the switch to be half on/off etc to replicate some natural event. There were electrical issues with my CD playing of my favourite song as I was writing my speech on the day of her funeral (My favourite song just slowed down all the time and it wasn't happening with the other songs..). *

Dunno, but certain things happened that just make me wonder about many things... but I am glad I had the time to share, while she was here... * * *

[thegnat]

I'll write my short answer here.

Yes, I've lost my dad when I was less than one year old.

So its affected me since I was able to think and question. I think it partly spurred on my flurry of questions. I didn't understand it when it happened. As I grew I begun to understand what happened and that spurred on a different set of questions.


Yes, I'm not sure how it would affect you, without you knowing him. Suppose you asked a lot of questions of your mother.. guess it was difficult for her.


The sole fact that I never knew him affected me.

Just imagine not ever having known one of your parents. And the only things you know about him are pictures and what people tell you he was like.

but it caused me to actually think about what was the whole concept of death when I was really young...and just question things like that...

[Nomad]

When my father died, I realized how unhappy I was trying to achieve his expectations when I had no idea what they were. he was very hands off, because he had no idea how to be a parent. My aunts told me after he died, that he was intimidated by what I had done with my life, that I had gone further and done more than he ever had, and he had trouble dealing with it. I was just trying to make him proud. I am much happier now, more centered, more me, pursuing my own goals, instead of merely excelling at what I thought he thought I ought to be. Much happier now, it sounds bad, but my father dying was the best thing to happen to me. It let me loose.

-Nomad

[NoahAddle]

My dad died when I was 18. *He went to an urgent care clinic after work one day because his foot was swollen with blood. *Soon after, we learned that he had stomach cancer. *11 months later he was dead. *I can say without hesitation that when something like that happens in a family, no one in that family goes through that process unchanged. *I have no idea what Harvard wants in that question, but I do know that it's tough to remain sheltered in the idyllic childhood when something that 'isn't supposed to happen' happens. *You get through it by coping the best you can. *You become a little less glib about your own mortality. *Unfortunately, I'm not sure that I can do the subject justice in words as it's complicated in my mind. *Everytime I start writing something out in this post, three other tangents I could write about come to mind and then I don't know how to tie it all together in a coherent way. *So maybe I can end this post by saying that a few months ago when the same thing recently happened to a mid-40's co-worker with his mother, I knew what he had been through because I had experienced the same thing in a way that wasn't abstract, intellectuallized, or something I had read in a book *or seen in a movie somewhere. *I could empathize with him because I had lived it and felt it. *I'm going to stop here because otherwise I'll be up all night trying to write something comprehensible and then I won't make it into work tomorrow morning. *Sorry if this post didn't answer your question very well. *

[potash]

Odd first place to begin posting...but whatever.

My father died when I was 5 and my mother died when I was 16.

Losing my father was hard; but in the theoretical sense...I only had the observations of seeing what other boys growing up with their dads had that I didn't.

Losing my mother and living without her was probably the most difficult thing I've ever experienced both mentally and practically. While I was able to survive, I always had the nagging insecurity that I wasn't as successful as I should be or could be. I was able to cope only by throwing myself into my work and school. Going home to my apartment was depressing; the emptiness of it only served to remind me how truly alone I was. I felt like I needed to be around people...even if I didn't interact with them.

I was frequented by thoughts of suicide and depression; it's funny for me to go back and read it now, but I started a journal at 20 just to open an avenue to express the feelings that boiled and frothed inside me. Most of my trials seem trivial to me now, but it felt like every little problem was a crisis; I had no perspective and no one to give me any.

I would say that while I would never want anyone to go through the same thing, I know that it made me stronger. Or at the very least, it made me realize that I've already been through some of the most difficult circumstances a person could endure and I think I've turned out fine; I know my own strengths and weaknesses.

[TooJung]

This is interesting. Just finished my MBA at a private school in Brussels. I am a female economics undergrad who lost her Dad 3 years ago. My MBA was incredible.

A Psycologist taught the negotiating classes which focused on the brain/temperment. Since I am the first born, my temperment is like my fathers (who I think may have been an INTJ). This was extremely emotional (not something INTJ deal well with) as cognitive therapy was used in order to develope leadership/organizational/managerial skills. The demanding nature required for cognitive therapy (CBT) to be successful may be why they ask that on the application.

In the meantime, CBT really worked wonders although it was long and painful. It was already alientating enough being a female INTJ let alone have to re-live such a tramatic event. In the meantime, I am better for, with a brand new and accurate picture of how to read an investment environment.

[Ian]

My father died in 1995 - 6 weeks before his 60th birthday and just over 12 months before he was planning to retire from work. It was all very sudden -he went to bed and died of a heart attack in the middle of the night (not like him at all - he always liked to plan everything to the nth degree).

My mother died in March this year (2007) after a short illness. We were with her when she died in ICU in hospital - because of the severity of the stroke she had suffered, I had no choice but to agree to having the respirator that was breathing for her turned off. It is a contradiction, but this decision is both much harder and easier to make than you might think if you have not been through it.

Lessons learned:

1. Be more spontaneous - plans mean nothing if you are not here to carry them through,

2. Life is short, don't waste it - the younger you are, the less you appreciate this fact. Saying it or agreeing with it means nothing - you have to realise this for yourself.

3. Life is not a dress-rehearsal - do not make excuses for not doing something that you really want to do. When your turn comes to die, have no regrets!

4. Do not waste time and energy on hatred - if you dislike someone that much, move on and spend time with people you dislike much less (or even like!).

5. If there is a 'significant other' in your life, spend as much time, money and effort making them happy; appreciate them for who they are - again, when you are dead, it is too late.

6. Don't ever be affraid to make mistakes or to be wrong - you are not a machine! Mistakes = knowledge gained. Own up, get over it, move on - see point 2.

Remember - the reason that we get knocked down is to learn to get back up again and come back stronger.

[Max T]

My mother died in 2005 of a brain tumour- I fed her liquidised food through 4" cut MacDonalds straws for two months.
It has increased my empathy but, to a greater extent, it has reinforced the key message Ian was saying very well- be proactive and sieze the day.

So I guess Harvard ask the question to seek people who will make the most of an MBA- the proactive types.... and who are pretty tough minded as Potash suggests.

One of the main concerns scientists have with increasing people's longevity to say 150 yrs is that such candidiates will likely become riddled with apathy for much of their life. Perhaps the inverse of this is experiencing death close up (i.e. relatives')- puts a new perspective on things.

Love this quotation:
"Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old Time is still a-flying;
And this same flower that smiles today
Tomorrow will be dying."

[PhotoJim]

I got an MBA a couple of years ago, and I only have one parent (my father was never a part of my life, and I have never met him, other than a couple of brief encounters in my infancy, which I don't count since I wasn't aware of him). I doubt having only one active parent mattered toward my pursuit of the degree, but I do fit this pattern...

[Andrey]

I lost father when I was 14. It was the first time I thought about God, life, and death... It was somewhat influential experience, but not the only one and not the most influential one.

I'm doing MBA at Haas (UC Berkeley) right now.