Harissa
05-31-2008, 09:06 AM
Hi, I'm an INTJ and I have a complex relationship with an INFP and I'd love to discuss it.
We sort of dated last fall and our relationship is still a bit sexual but we date other people and both of us have never really wanted a relationship - he says he can tell when he meets someone if he's capable of falling in love with them, and with me the spark isn't there. I am very attracted to him but he is much younger and I also feel a relationship isn't right for us. We now live far apart but maintain a pretty close friendship.
He is different to anyone I've ever known. Most of my close friendships have been with people whom I think are rational, usually libertarian, and value deep close friendships. And something about them recognizes the "differentness" and importance of this, and we share that sense. Not so with Mark.
He is so inclusive in his view of the world - if you are around him you get included in wonderful adventures. He loves life in a way I had never seen before. He is so warm, engaging, caring and sees beauty everywhere (he loves photography, filmmaking, poetry). Conversely I stress over making sure things go well.. He says he has never been bored (also loves and is unbelievably talented at generating ideas, loves entrepreneurship).
But the adventures generally need to be his - his idea, his execution, he's in control. He will seclude himself for short periods - sometimes saying he gets depressed. He can be hurtful to people and he worries about it - people tend to bond to him much more strongly than he does to them: when in conversation he really is interested in them and people open up, but that connection doesn't mean to him what it does to most people. He says I'm special to him but i sometimes wonder if i fall in this bin. He is compelled by the new: new relationships, new experiences, new places. He loves being appreciated, doesn't like criticism, and generally recoils at unsolicited advice.
I am wondering whether other people have experienced this impression from an infp. How did the relationship/friendship work? For me, i feel it draws me much more into the external world and this makes me feel more connected to things, more actualized. Being around him is being engaged and happy. I'd like to understand him and be a good friend to him - he is really important to me.
We sort of dated last fall and our relationship is still a bit sexual but we date other people and both of us have never really wanted a relationship - he says he can tell when he meets someone if he's capable of falling in love with them, and with me the spark isn't there. I am very attracted to him but he is much younger and I also feel a relationship isn't right for us. We now live far apart but maintain a pretty close friendship.
He is different to anyone I've ever known. Most of my close friendships have been with people whom I think are rational, usually libertarian, and value deep close friendships. And something about them recognizes the "differentness" and importance of this, and we share that sense. Not so with Mark.
He is so inclusive in his view of the world - if you are around him you get included in wonderful adventures. He loves life in a way I had never seen before. He is so warm, engaging, caring and sees beauty everywhere (he loves photography, filmmaking, poetry). Conversely I stress over making sure things go well.. He says he has never been bored (also loves and is unbelievably talented at generating ideas, loves entrepreneurship).
But the adventures generally need to be his - his idea, his execution, he's in control. He will seclude himself for short periods - sometimes saying he gets depressed. He can be hurtful to people and he worries about it - people tend to bond to him much more strongly than he does to them: when in conversation he really is interested in them and people open up, but that connection doesn't mean to him what it does to most people. He says I'm special to him but i sometimes wonder if i fall in this bin. He is compelled by the new: new relationships, new experiences, new places. He loves being appreciated, doesn't like criticism, and generally recoils at unsolicited advice.
I am wondering whether other people have experienced this impression from an infp. How did the relationship/friendship work? For me, i feel it draws me much more into the external world and this makes me feel more connected to things, more actualized. Being around him is being engaged and happy. I'd like to understand him and be a good friend to him - he is really important to me.