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Figmentum
10-31-2007, 12:25 AM
I wrote this essay for my writing class about a week ago. I just thought some of you may enjoy it.


Jacob G.
10-23-07

******* High School





Initiation of My Metal Being




I grew up in a small, conservative town, of ninety people, in Bar-D, Texas. As you may guess, the experience was little less than thrilling. As a small boy, growing up in such a place, many traditional southern values were expected of me, such as: country music, church, hunting, cowboy clothes, and other such stereotypical nonsense. However, I was rather unenthused with idea of portraying a redneck stereotype. But, at the time, it was all I knew, so I had no choice but to defend it from the “Damn, yankees!” I knew something was amiss, by the time I had reached the age of ten. Two things, that set me apart from everyone else, I was the, “albino black sheep”, if you will. These very two things would deny me, the normal lifestyle of a Texan, or that of any of my southern kinship. I could read, and still had all of my teeth. Alas, I was alone.

Every few weeks, we would have a family trip to Houston (despite the shame my family had, in my oxymoronic, innate ability, to read past the funny papers). This, “Big City” environment, was absolutely phenomenal! They had modern clothes, new cars, no mullets, and what really grasped my soul, more than all other forms of modern civilization, was the amazing sound of the electric guitar, as used by Metallica, and SlipKnoT! With the money I had been secretly taxing from my brothers’ piggy bank, I snuck behind my father’s back, into the music store, and purchased my first heavy metal album, “The Number of The Beast” by Iron Maiden.

Upon arrival, at my place of residence, from my “Stowaway Crusade” to the music store, I slithered towards my brothers’ lair. Upon sight of the entrance, my hairs were erect instantly! His door was wide open. The chance was now! I dashed down the hall, and slid into the doorway. I came to a halt, with immense pain, due to a rather unsightly rug-burn on my left knee, and an equally grotesque rug-burn on the other. Ignoring the pain, I stood up and leaped for the angelic Walkman Player. I grasped this most sacred of devices, with the might of a twelve-year old, and fell back, retreating slowly, with the Walkman in hand. I stepped side to side, tediously working my way past the bathroom, where my brother, the beast himself, was brushing his syringe-like fangs. I could feel the heat from his hellish heart thumps, and scurried back to my room, with a sure, yet unsettling victory on my behalf.

Back in the “Safety-Zone” of my room, I open my new trophy, and insert the sound of ages: “The Number of The Beast.” Upon my first audio-to-ear reception of these awing vibrations, I wondered if it wasn’t simply the sound of my brothers’ snores. But as the lyrics came, I knew this was an immense power, beyond that of even my own tyrannical sibling. I asked myself, “How could this be the Devils’ Music?” Disregarding the title, and even being age ten, I was still able to conclude that this beautiful, melodic poetry, was, as most albums are, a message to general society. Not an antagonistic message, but surprisingly to me, at the time, a moral one. I had found my destiny! I had become, a “Metal Head!”

qwerty
10-31-2007, 12:35 AM
Very nice. Good descriptions that are very visual a++. I'd probably do more to describe the family though as you stereotype them to show how you are not going to fit the mold of a stereotyping redneck :).

I'm wondering what your teacher will think of it?

logan235711
10-31-2007, 07:24 AM
lol Somewhere In Time and Seventh Son of a Seventh Son are the best >:D

mind_wander
10-31-2007, 11:58 AM
Very nice. Good descriptions that are very visual a++. I'd probably do more to describe the family though as you stereotype them to show how you are not going to fit the mold of a stereotyping redneck :).

I'm wondering what your teacher will think of it?
Yeah, I was kinda thinking of that too. Also, describe why are you so different from the family, "The albino blacksheep." That kinda intrigue me, then it kinda lost its punch. Add some of interesting things there, then your paper will stand out. I've done stuff like that before, but my emphasizes was on the Asian Culture vs. Western Culture because I find it very different because of the cultural differences; plus the professor must read tons of boring writing about people's life and not afraid to try something different. In addition, when you mentioned about Albino, for some odd reasons in my parking lot there is an albino squirrel and a woodchuck. I get the odd creatures, it does make me wonder being unique does attracts the odd creatures come toward your direction. Too bad I have not seen the albino squirrel though, its very rare.

OneBadMother
10-31-2007, 05:06 PM
Nice, but get rid of some of those commas. Rearrangement of descriptions and removal of repetitive phrasing would also make it flow more smoothly.

HarleyQuinn
11-02-2007, 01:22 PM
Enjoyable and I agree with the arrangement/repetition comments.

I'd also elaborate on the family and truly set up the dichotomy of yourself and your family to really emphasize why getting this CD made you stand out so much. Your description of your family (and yourself in terms of 'The albino black sheep') were intriguing but suddenly drop off to nowhere with no reason why. Near as I could tell, the differences were that you had your teeth and are a black albino with a general disinterest(?) towards most cultural norms of Texans.

I'd also like to see you discuss/unpack why it was a "moral" message to general society as opposed to the generally held belief of it being 'Devil Music' and delivering an antagonistic message.

That's just me though... 8-)

Just caught the week ago thing... has this been handed in? If so, my comments are moot unless your teacher lets you revise it after.

mind_wander
11-05-2007, 10:22 AM
I can tell you though, once you write about this paper. If you do it correctly, this paper is the most interesting paper ever compared to other previous boring papers. Trust me, although there are some grammer mistakes, but the ideas are golden with different point of view, in most papers does not have.