INTJ age gap relationships

[onlyparallel]

It seems to me that if a INTJ was in a relationship with a large age gap (lets say ten years or more) they would be more suited to be the younger partner than a lot of other types. Most female INTJs require someone who is similar to them. Considering INTJs are normaly very mature, intelligent and independent it may be hard to find someone. Older people seem more intelligent, mature, and have more life experience and therefore seem like better mates to INTJ females. I am just guessing that males have the same preferences and would also be attracted to older partners.

Do you think INTJs are more suited to being the younger partner than other types?
Do you agree with my opinion on female INTJ preference?
Do you think INTJ males would find older partners attractive?
Have you ever been in an age gap relationship and if so were you the younger person, and did this relationship work well?

[Uytuun]

INTJs are timeless. :p

But yeah, I agree to 1) and 2), 3) is N/A and so is 4)

[demvesalius]

I'm 23 and find older women in their late 20's and early 30's more attractive than women/girls my own age. In fact, I've had a tendency to communicate better with older women. Older women know what they want; but, most of the time I find it isn't a 23 year old because a) I don't have an established career and b) I don't have a whole heck of a lot of money, yet. I don't want kids either, for crying out loud, I've just finished being one myself. I like intelligent older women because they know how to push my buttons and they seem to have a better understanding of me.

I've never been in a relationship with an older woman, although when I was 20 I came very close to being in one with a 26 year old.

[mkay]

My INTJ husband is three years older than I am. We're balanced. ... I feel very comfortable around older people in general, though I don't feel uncomfortable in my age group. ... I dated a guy who was in his mid-30s when I was in my early 20s. Even in high school I often dated guys who were older (but still in high school). ... The guy in his mid-30s was immature for his age; I was mature even in my early 20s, so we were balanced.

[Erika Redmark]

I have never been romantically interested in anyone who was younger than me. The youngest person I've ever had feelings for was seven months older (my birthday is in December, so I'm toward the younger end of the age continuum for people in my year in school). I'm still a teenager, so even two or three years seems like a lot in this regard.

Since elementary school, my tendency has been for my closest friends to be older. Apparently this is common in "gifted children", according to my mother. I also think I wouldn't be as happy in a relationship where I was the more intelligent one. Sure, being around a genius all the time can make one feel insecure, but the alternative would be less interesting and intellectually (maybe also emotionally/spiritually) stimulating, I would think.

[azelismia]

I have never been in a relationship wtih a huge age gap. if it can work or not depends on how old the people in question are. if you're talking 19 to 35... nope. I think one or both parties are probably using the other for a variety of reasons and it isn't going to last. I tend to think older people going into a relationship with age disparity are more likely to have a chance because those reasons for "use" aren't as pronounced. (older guys or women going after the hot young thang, or something to control or younger person who doesn't have means yet using the older person for their wealth or looking for a parental figure)

[mkay]

Yup, older guys often get a charge out of dating someone considerably younger. I know two middle-aged guys who would brag about dating twenty-somethings. ... I've got nothing against people using each other mutually. Sometimes people aren't looking for something long lasting.

[demvesalius]

I have a friend, 22, who is dating a guy who is around 35. She claims that older men have their "shit" together and know how to turn her on. She is completely aware that her boy friend has the power, but that is just the way she likes it. She has been with two men around 35 in the last 4 years. It's funny because both of them look the same and act the same: immature for their age and complete douche-bags (douche-bags in that they try to act like they are sensitive, but they're really assholes). She also claims that she is more mature than other people for her age, which is completely and utterly wrong - you're going to have to take my word for it.

Also, when I ask her what she means when she says that these guys have their "shit" together she can't answer the question...it's rather perplexing.

[changos]

It seems to me that if a INTJ was in a relationship with a large age gap (lets say ten years or more) they would be more suited to be the younger partner than a lot of other types. Most female INTJs require someone who is similar to them. Considering INTJs are normaly very mature, intelligent and independent it may be hard to find someone. Older people seem more intelligent, mature, and have more life experience and therefore seem like better mates to INTJ females. I am just guessing that males have the same preferences and would also be attracted to older partners.

Do you think INTJs are more suited to being the younger partner than other types?
Considering a healthy relationship (no fight for control) YES.

Do you agree with my opinion on female INTJ preference?
In age gap, females having preference for younger INT? yes. About females intjs prefference, I don't know. (sorry, I understand this line in two diff meanings)

Do you think INTJ males would find older partners attractive?
Yes. Myself. I value a lot the understanding over a lot of other things.

Have you ever been in an age gap relationship?
One attempt at 22 with somebody 24. Didn't work, she was still a daydreamer.
One serious relationship at 24 with a 28 ENFP. It lasted 5 years... I got tired of being the responsible. She complained of feeling "less" and under pressure being she older and seeing I was the one leading and solving problems, not causing them.
One serous relationship at my 26 with a woman of 33 (7 years gap). I really wanted this one to work. She confessed feeling embarrassed as I was more independent and leading. Sometimes she said this was making her feel great as she was tired of being "the mother". So, sometimes she said this was great, and other times complained for the same reason. I didn't work because of her religious beliefs.and if so were you the younger person
Yes. One time 2 years gap, second time 4 and last time 7. Then I tried at my 29 with somebody younger (25), it got worse... I started working at 16... I just hated her situation being studying at 25 without working. It was like being her father... I had problems and she had "little problems".

and did this relationship work well?
No, except from the 7 years gap, It was working really well until the religious and absolutely nonsense pressure on doing stupid things and giving up our entire Sunday to the church.

I don't look for older woman per se. It just happens. Is when I open my mouth and talk that they feel interested. I'm dating now at my 30 a 2 years older than me girl... lets see what happens.

A side note: age doesn't go along with maturity, but I did lot of things before my time... so I got bored always with people of my age since forever. An older soul?

[mkay]

I have a friend, 22, who is dating a guy who is 35. She claims that older men have their "shit" together and know how to turn her on. She is completely aware that her boy friend has the power, but that is just the way she likes it. She has been with two men around 35 in the last 4 years. It's funny because both of them look the same and act the same: immature for their age and complete douche-bags (douche-bags in that they try to act like they are sensitive, but they're really assholes). She also claims that she is more mature than other people for her age, which is completely and utterly wrong - you're going to have to take my word for it.

Also, when I ask her what she means when she says that these guys have their "shit" together she can't answer the question...it's rather perplexing.

Well if she likes having the guy be in charge / have power over her, maybe that's what she means about them having their shit together. That might not be appealing to someone else, so no apparent logic in that, but if that's what she likes, it's logical to her, even if she can't articulate it.

[Marcus]

I'm a male in my early 30s. I don't find older women attractive in any way (and never did). I look younger than my age, and even women around my age seem to be too old most of the time. I find women attractive who (like me) look younger than their age.

I think that looking for an older partner is a general female preference, and looking for a younger partner is a general male preference. From an evolutionary point of view, women had to bear children, man had to provide resources. Younger women can bear more healthy children, older men can provide more resources.

[demvesalius]

Well if she likes having the guy be in charge / have power over her, maybe that's what she means about them having their shit together. That might not be appealing to someone else, so no apparent logic in that, but if that's what she likes, it's logical to her, even if she can't articulate it.

Well it just goes against my way of thinking because I was raised to believe that a relationship should be balanced in some way, not total domination.

I think the only way she has any control in her relationship is through her vagina, and that's it...but this is what she wants to do, so whatever...she has mentioned that she isn't looking for any real long term relationships anyway, as in marriage. She actually has these guys believing that the relationship is going somewhere, which is kind of funny.

How do I have the inside scoop on all of this stuff? You got me. I guess I'm special.

Then again, am I any different then her? I like older women because they are more experienced and, thus, have more power. I just feel that with women my own age I'm trying to operate machinery I have no directions for, that by being in charge I'm going to mess them up, but with older women they know more about what's going on. Instead of a relationship lasting only a few months and never really taking off, at least with an older woman there is potential to last a few years.

[Colette]

I think that looking for an older partner is a general female preference, and looking for a younger partner is a general male preference. From an evolutionary point of view, women had to bear children, man had to provide resources. Younger women can bear more healthy children, older men can provide more resources.

Traditionally perhaps. I've dated a number of younger men, and can see my next partner being significantly younger. I like the freshness in outlook and the lack of cynicism and baggage, of younger men.

[mkay]

demvesalius, well, she apparently doesn't live her life according to your beliefs. Chuckle. ... That's just how it goes in life. We've all got our own ways.

About your preferring older women: I can see the appeal from your perspective. I hope you find what you're looking for.

[iuniperus]

I'm in my early twenties dating a INTJ man in his mid-thirties. Our maturity levels are pretty equal so it works out well.

Other than that, my past relationships consisted of an age difference of 1-1/2 years. I can say that I definitely prefer someone substantially older. Men mature slower than women.

[Colette]

I have a friend, 22, who is dating a guy who is around 35. She claims that older men have their "shit" together and know how to turn her on. She is completely aware that her boy friend has the power, but that is just the way she likes it. She has been with two men around 35 in the last 4 years. It's funny because both of them look the same and act the same: immature for their age and complete douche-bags (douche-bags in that they try to act like they are sensitive, but they're really assholes). She also claims that she is more mature than other people for her age, which is completely and utterly wrong - you're going to have to take my word for it.

Also, when I ask her what she means when she says that these guys have their "shit" together she can't answer the question...it's rather perplexing.

What she means is that they have more money than the scumbag 20-something slackers in her own peer group, and therefore more to offer her. Hence the avoidance tactics when you attempt to discuss the issue :)

[changos]

Here in central america is more likely to find a guy at 30 with more money than a woman. Things are not equally balanced here yet and woman are not as independent as from other countries (they usually earn less) and they have to work harder to get the higher salary jobs.

Also consider the generations: years ago it was common and easier to get married at 21 years old with some future... now people are still studying at 28 years old almost graduating. The economy puts pressure on everybody. Here woman can take time off when pregnant with their salary. Companies take this in count and calculate the possibilities when hiring a woman, so: man don't take time off.

Hard to explain but there are cultural issues that add pressure on finding somebody able, mature and capable to deal with a relationship looking for a family.

[mkay]

What she means is that they have more money than the scumbag 20-something slackers in her own peer group, and therefore more to offer her. Hence the avoidance tactics when you attempt to discuss the issue :)

Not that some age-gap relationships aren't based on money, but if his friend were dating them for money, she could date a nice older guy with money. But if she's dating older douche bags, it sounds like there's something more going on there.

[Zilal]

My last two relationships were with guys who were 25 and 19 years older than me. They were just who I was interested in. Both of them were a bit unsure about dating someone so much younger, heh. They were normal relationships and had the same ups and downs as any other. I haven't found anybody my age I've really connected with, but that could just be chance... I mean, I've hardly found anybody of any age I've really connected with.

[PRBori]

Hmm... I'm not too attracted to older men at all. I think my max for someone older would be 5-7 years. However, for some unknown reason most everyone I've gone out with are 2 years younger. Both my kids parents are 2 years younger and the one I'm seeing now is almost 3 years younger. I don't know... is not that I look for them but they seem to be the ones that get attracted to me.... and it use to bother me that everytime I get younger men but like one of them said... is not the age that matters so I just let it be.

There have being older men attracted to me who are very settle, rich, and ready for a family but I don't seem to be attracted to them. Not 100% sure why but I think is because I don't want them to say to me one day "You're with me for my money" cause I really don't care. I also don't want them to tell me "You can't work" because I love to work....

I know I'm ODD... I like someone who still working towards their goals so that I can be there for them when they need me. I think they will appreciate me much better than someone who did it on his own.

[azelismia]

I' know I'm ODD... I like someone who still working towards their goals so that I can be there for them when they need me. I think they will appreciate me much better than someone who did it on his own.


pbori. my last few boyfriends been a few years younger too. within five years either way there doesnt' seem to be much difference imho.

[demvesalius]

What she means is that they have more money than the scumbag 20-something slackers in her own peer group, and therefore more to offer her. Hence the avoidance tactics when you attempt to discuss the issue :)

Naaa, no one is a slacker over here...we're all student athletes at a top University, not much time to slack (I've been on this forum regularly lately because it's really helping me answer a lot of questions about myself). I think my friend is just the female equivalent of a guy her age who goes out to bars every night to get laid. Instead of laying a different chick every night, she has one guy in a superficial playboy relationship so she can get her jollies; but, when she has more time to care about someone else, I bet her preferences will change.

FYI: She's an ESXJ.

[ElstonGunn]

I have a hard time imagining myself with someone older than me. It's one of my many irrational neuroses about relationships, I guess, but at least I realize that it's irrational. But I could think of at least a dozen things that I value more than smarts or intelligence and such in a romantic partner. Most of what I assume are the advantages of going for an older person aren't really that important to me. Not that I'm against those kinds of qualities, of course.

[Motor Jax]

my first ex was 3 years younger than i when we met, i was 19 she was 16. her parents never disapproved and still to this day would rather us get back together than where she is now

my second ex was 4 years younger than i, i was 22 she was 18

my g/f is 7 years older than i, and of course we have our times, but we also connect on a level that is highly above everything else i've known