INTJ introversion at work..

[White Raven]

I was thinking about the outworkings of INTJ introversion today. I am a true and definite introvert, but I enjoy interaction in limited quantities...however, I get incredibly anxious about social situations before I'm actually tossed into them. Once I'm there, I'm fine, because I realize I'm probably one of the more confident people there, and one of the "better" people there (there goes the INTJ 'God' complex... :P) and I just observe silently unless spoken to and am at my ease. But my social anxiety stems almost solely from the fear of doing something stupid in public--i.e., 'failing' socially.

Do you think that INTJ introversion tends to show itself as a fear of social situations precisely for the reason that we are acutely aware of our social inadequacies, if any, and don't enjoy the prospect of 'failing' socially?

[sriv]

Do you think that INTJ introversion tends to show itself as a fear of social situations precisely for the reason that we are acutely aware of our social inadequacies, if any, and don't enjoy the prospect of 'failing' socially?

I think the idea of 'failing' socially is a far greater problem for INFJs, but we have problems of the like we must address ourselves.

Not really. If I talk or express energy outward, it tires me. I cannot think straight when focusing on talking too. When I am alone, I can carry a whole conversation in my mind.

Some of it seems to be from that though. I am stopped short quite a few times from saying something because an aggressive E wanted to repeat something in different words for the fifth time. But when I speak with lots of people, attention seems to be drawn to me since few people know anything about me. I do tend to keep to myself to avoid uncomfortable situations. I do also attempt to keep my social life up and running however small it is and refrain from doing before thinking.

[knock7]

Do you think that INTJ introversion tends to show itself as a fear of social situations precisely for the reason that we are acutely aware of our social inadequacies, if any, and don't enjoy the prospect of 'failing' socially?

This is true for me. However, I think the best way to address fear is to face it. I almost drown when I was a kid. When I got to college I decided to become a lifeguard to make money for college. When I got in the water to practice swimming I realized that I was afraid. I kept getting in the water and became a certified lifeguard. I am very proud I was able to overcome that.

I still have to work at social situations and I do screw them up on a regular basis, but I remember and try not to repeat the mistake again. I also take my time before answering people to edit the boneheaded responses.

[Vertigo]

Yes, I think that the fear of failing in front of others is scary. We could force ourselves to go to all the social events in the hopes that we would get used to it and then become adept at social gatherings however I think that we would just end up being not happy with ourselves and end up being even more introverted if that's possible. Work is different than relaxing at a social event.

[rwyatt365]

I think, like sriv, that it is not so much a fear of failing socially but rather that social interactions are draining. I have to exert a lot of energy trying to "be engaged" with people and trying to follow all of the social rules, so much so that I am exhausted and the interactions are not pleasant.

It's like the guy trying to remember all of the "rules" for hitting a golf ball; bend knees, lock this elbow, keep eye on the ball, flex the wrist, swing through the ball, follow through fully... He's so tied up in knots that he misses the ball entirely (I know, I've done it).

[Vertigo]

Well if I'm at home I could care less if people are over as long as they leave me alone and don't make noise or talk to me and dont' feel offended that I would rather be alone, even if they are in the same house. I could bring the same level of "leave me alone" to a social event and probably have fun in my own little way however if I were to interact with people then the fear and uncertainty would set me back and this only ever happens with family get togethers. My gf's side of the family is very outgoing and they love to joke and argue with everyone and I just want nothing to do with it but she's my girlfriend and I try to make her happy too.

[cBorg]

Do you think that INTJ introversion tends to show itself as a fear of social situations precisely for the reason that we are acutely aware of our social inadequacies, if any, and don't enjoy the prospect of 'failing' socially?

I think most fears are irrational, and Is are uncomfortable socially regardless of the other personality traits. And the flip side is that Es are afraid of being alone. How weird is that!

[Monte314]

I'd really rather be "left alone" most of the time.

But, I am in positions of leadership in just about everything I do, and the people I serve expect me to be accessible, and to interact with them... so I do. It's a skill that can be learned... doesn't mean I enjoy it, but lots of things we learn to do we never learn to "enjoy"... nor is there necessarily a need to.

[Chivalry]

I agree with some posters above that it's not so much fear that we shrink away from major social events, with all the small talk and mingling and fake laughter and all.. It's more of something that we do not like doing, but yet know that we are expected to do them.. It's more of a dread I guess..

My experience with fellow INTJs is that when faced with fears, our impulse would be to challenge / face that fear, and overcome it.. I did some obstacle course thingy once, and one of the obstacles is to do a small jump from one platform to a higher platform at a height of 6 storeys (with safety harness of cos).. to put it pictorially, it's like this: __ -- It looked scary in the beginning, but once you did it you realized how easy it is.. and yet you still feel the trepidation before you make that stride.. so I requested to do it over and over again, until i'm no longer nervous about doing it, while the others just did it once and am glad to be done with it and vowed never to do it again.. haha..

ok, long story to make a point.. but what i'm saying is.. it's not fear, it's more like something we're lazy to do.. if it's fear, we'll be able to overcome it (if we want to)

[SiMey]

I think my anxiety is about the lack of predefined roles and structure in social situations I have no problem talking at a meeting with an agenda. I can make crappy small talk if I have to but I feel most comfortable when I know what my role is, be that leader, worker or whatever.

"I just observe silently unless spoken to and am at my ease"

I pretty much do this in social settings, more so as I have no need to express myself.

"(there goes the INTJ 'God' complex... :P)"

Yeah I work hard to keep that to myself. I've been thinking and planning a job interview that I am going for an in my own mind I see myself telling the people on the panel who know me how good I am, and then I'm thinking of how I can say that without looking arrogant to the panel members who don't know me. I think my work colleagues would be shocked if I spoke how I thought, as I go to extreme efforts to be humble as I've found no one likes a know it all.

"When I am alone, I can carry a whole conversation in my mind."

Yep doing that now. I suspect also that as I have fewer conversations than others, I'm more capable of replaying and analysing conversations with others in my mind than other personalities would.

"I still have to work at social situations and I do screw them up on a regular basis, but I remember and try not to repeat the mistake again."

I never say to myself that I've screwed something up, only that things didn't go as I planned. If I behave in way X I get outcome Y so I look at what I can learn from that.

[Dominguez]

I think, like sriv, that it is not so much a fear of failing socially but rather that social interactions are draining. I have to exert a lot of energy trying to "be engaged" with people and trying to follow all of the social rules, so much so that I am exhausted and the interactions are not pleasant.

It's like the guy trying to remember all of the "rules" for hitting a golf ball; bend knees, lock this elbow, keep eye on the ball, flex the wrist, swing through the ball, follow through fully... He's so tied up in knots that he misses the ball entirely (I know, I've done it).

same here, I don't have a fear of being humiliated or anything like that, it's just that the experience is fairly draining. Most of the time I find myself being the quiet one in most social situations, mostly because I don't entertain the topics the crowd talk about. You might get a few laughs or a few comments out of me, but thats it for the most part. I do much better in one on one dialogue and thats if I choose to engage in dialogue with you. Small talk is definitely out of the question, so the dialogue must and will have substance.