Seinfeld game

[antistu]

Any other Seinfeld fans out there? I thought it might be a cool idea to start a Seinfeld game. Since so many terms and quotes are used in popular culture, it should be easy enough to get this going.

Rules: Quote anything Seinfeld to your mood or response to another. I’ll start…


“So you are still master of your domain…?”

[jkatra]

"If Relationship George walks through that door, he will KILL Independent George!"

[phoboser]

George: You know, all these years, I've always wanted to see the two of you get back together.

Elaine: Well, that's because you're an idiot.

[antistu]

"Giddy up!"

[phoboser]

Elaine: Isn't she beautiful? Her nose is in such perfect proportion with the rest of her face. She's breathtaking! Who would have thought she's like-

George: Elaine... shut up.

[jkatra]

"When you control the mail, you control..... information!!"

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[antistu]

"No soup for you!"

[jonnyb]

*with a snear* Newman!

[envirodude]

not that there's anything wrong with that

[jkatra]

Donald: OK, History. This is for the game. How ya doin' over there? Not too good!
George: All right BB. Let's just play... Who invaded Spain in the 8th century?
Donald: That's a joke. The Moors.
George: Oh, Noooo, I'm so sorry. It's the MOOPS. The correct answer is the MOOPS.
Donald: Moops? Let me see that. That's not Moops you jerk, it's Moors. It's a misprint.
George: I'm sorry the card says MOOPS.
Donald: It doesn't matter! It's the Moors. There's no Moops!
George: It's MOOPS!
Donald: MOORS!
George: MOOPS!
Donald: MOORS!

[antistu]

"Jambalaya!"

[Artio]

"Whew. It's like a sauna in here."

[antistu]

"Boy, these pretzels are makin' me thirsty."

[Artio]

"I ran out of butter, so I had to use yours. Any other questions, Mr. Nosy?"

[antistu]

"I go out for a quart of milk and come home to find my son treating his body like an amusement park."

[Artio]

"A man is lying here unconscious and you're afraid of him. What kind of a man are you?"

[antistu]

"I'm a man who respects a good coma."

[Artio]

"You know what your problem is? Your standards are too high."

[antistu]

"Do you ever get down on your knees and thank God you know me and have access to my dementia?"

[envirodude]

They're real, and they're spectacular!

[antistu]

"My name is George. I am unemployed and I live with my parents."
"I'm Victoria, hi!"

---------- Post added 02-04-2011 at 08:34 AM ----------

"Damn you Seinfeld. You're a useless pustule."

[Artio]

"What are you saying, you don't want me to intervene?"

[antistu]

"You have the chicken, the hen, and the rooster. The chicken goes with the hen... So who is having sex with the rooster?"

[Artio]

"Koko the monkey."

[antistu]

"Produce section. Very provocative area. A lot of melons and shapes. Everyone's squeezing and smelling..."

[Artio]

"Big lettuce, big carrots, tomatoes like volleyballs."

[jkatra]

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Frank Costanza: "Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way."
Cosmo Kramer: "What happened to the doll?"
Frank Costanza: "It was destroyed. But out of that a new holiday was born: a Festivus for the rest of us!"
Kramer: "That must have been some kind of doll."
Frank Costanza: "She was."

[antistu]

"Do you have any conceivable reason for even getting up in the morning?"

"I like to get the Daily News."

[Artio]

"Well, sometimes we do actually have to get up early, but a man will always trade sleep for sex."

[jkatra]

"If I had a son, I would name him Isosceles. Isosceles Kramer."

[Artio]

"You've got a big head. It's too big for your body."

[jkatra]

"A bird ran into my giant freak-head."
"What giant freak-head?"
"The one that sits atop my disproportionately puny body. I'm a walking candy apple!"

[antistu]

"I can feel his blood inside of me. Borrowing things from my blood."

[phoboser]

Jerry: What did we say that's so bad?

Elaine: I believe I referred to her personality as a potential science exhibit.

Jerry: I said, "How come no one's killed her?"...

[Artio]

"Well, I'm happy to help in any way that I can."

[antistu]

"That's a lot of potatoes." - Cosmo

[Artio]

"If people would only look to the cookie, all our problems would be solved."

[antistu]

Elaine: I hate people.
Jerry: They're the worst!

[Artio]

"I'm not a lesbian. I hate men, but I'm not a lesbian."

[antistu]

"When you look annoyed all the time, people think that you're busy."

[Artio]

"Jerry, look how tense you are. You need to take a soak."

[antistu]

"I'm not taking a soak in that human bacteria frappe you got goin' there."

[Artio]

"I don't know if it's possible, but could you people conduct the psychopath convention down the hall?"

[antistu]

"That's totally inappropriate. It's lewd, vesivius, salacious, outrageous!"

[Artio]

"You know, it's not like changing toothpaste."

[antistu]

"You got gonorrhea from a tractor? And you call that the tractor story?"

[Artio]

"I gave you gonorrhea because I thought you'd have fun with it!"

[antistu]

Elaine: Well, I'm going to hell.
Jerry: That sounds about right. Hey, did you hear the one about the guy in hell with the coffee and the donuts?
Elaine: Jerry, I'm not in the mood.
George Costanza: [to the waitress] I'll have some coffee and a donut.

[Artio]

"Serenity now! Serenity now!"

[antistu]

Estelle: Move your crap, I'm comin' in!

Frank: No you're not! Hoochie mama! Hoochie mama!

[Artio]

"Yada... yada... yada..."

[antistu]

George: "Listen to this. Marcy comes over and she tells me that her ex-boyfriend was over late last night and 'yada yada yada I'm really tired today.' You don't think she'd yada yada sex?"
Elaine: "I've yada yada'd sex."
George: "Really?"
Elaine: "Yeah. I met this lawyer, we went out to dinner, I had the lobster bisque, we went back to my place, yada yada yada, I never heard from him again."
Jerry: "But you yada yada'd over the best part."
Elaine: "No, I mentioned the bisque."

[Artio]

"NO SOUP FOR YOU!"

[antistu]

"Yeah, and you're an anti-dentite."

[Artio]

"Wanna bet? How much you wanna bet?"

[antistu]

"Nobody drives like me. Nobody. I'm doing things in this car, you have no idea they're going on."

[Artio]

"They were mailboxes, you idiot. I didn't have the heart to tell you."

[antistu]

"Vandelay Industries, Kel Varnsen speaking. May we help you?"

[Artio]

"Boy, a little too much chlorine in that gene pool."

[antistu]

"I've never heard of a relationship being affected by punctuation."

[Artio]

"You should've seen her face. It was the exact same look my father gave me when I told him I wanted to be a ventriloquist."

[antistu]

"I would drape myself in velvet if it were socially acceptable."

[Artio]

"You know what they say, 'You don't sell the steak, you sell the sizzle.'"

[antistu]

"The sea was angry that day my friends, like an old man trying to return soup at a deli!"

---------- Post added 02-08-2011 at 06:59 AM ----------

"Hewwo and welcome to Movie phone. If you know the name of the
movie you'd like to see, press one."

[Artio]

"Oxygen! I need some oxygen! This is major!"

[antistu]

"You mean the panties your mother laid out for you?"

[Artio]

"And by the way, they're real and they're spectacular."

[antistu]

"You dip the way you wanna dip. I'll dip the way I wanna dip."

[Artio]

"You dipped the chip, you took a bite, and you dipped again."

[antistu]

"You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister!"

[Artio]

"Wear some more lipstick."

[antistu]

George Costanza: Stink eye?
Jerry Seinfeld: Crook eye?
Cosmo Kramer: *Evil* eye.
Jerry Seinfeld: Well, everybody's a little cranky on their birthday.
George Costanza: Oh, it's a bad day. No, you got everyone in your house; you're thinking, "These are my friends?"
Jerry Seinfeld: Every day is my birthday.

[Archaic Smile]

"I don’t know how you guys walk around with those things."

[antistu]

"I'm Cosmo Kramer, THE ASSMAN!"

---------- Post added 02-09-2011 at 10:34 AM ----------

"Nobody knows what to do. You just close your eyes, you hope for the best. I really think they're happy if you just make an effort."

[Artio]

"If you've got a t-shirt with blood stains all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem right now."

[antistu]

"Don't be ridiculous. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go to fill my freezer with my own blood."

[Artio]

"I've got hypothermia."

[antistu]

"It's a tad dainty."

[Artio]

"It's pronounced thermometer."

[antistu]

"Hi I'm Lou Filerman. I'm new here."

[Artio]

"His struggle is man's struggle. He lifts my spirit."

[antistu]

"He is a loathesome, offensive brute. Yet I can't look away."

[Artio]

"Well if we can't look to the cookie where can we look?"

[antistu]

"I remember when you used to be able to get a Hershey for a nickel."

[lamplighter]

"Do you ever get down on your knees and thank God you know me and have access to my dementia? "

[antistu]

"I'm out there Jerry, and I'm LOVIN' every minute of it!"

[lamplighter]

"Oh you may stray, but you'll always return to your dark master, the cocoa bean. "

[antistu]

"You don't eat Oreos? The way you break 'em open and.... It's like you're having sex with 'em."

[lamplighter]

"I had a dream last night that a hamburger was eating me. "

[Artio]

"This food was in the shower with you?"

[lamplighter]

"What're you starting with me for? You know this is my crazy time of year. "

[Artio]

"Am I? Or am I so sane that you just blew your mind?!"

[lamplighter]

"It's impossible. "

[Artio]

"Hey, this was your idea."

[lamplighter]

"Is it? Or is it so possible that your head is spinning like a top? "

[Artio]

"There was this beautiful woman walking down the street wearing just a bra. I can't get that image out of my mind."

[lamplighter]

"People don't just bump into each other and have sex. This isn't Cinemax. "

[Artio]

"I just threw away a lifetime of guilt-free sex and floor seats to every sporting event in Madison Square Garden. So, please, a little respect, for I am Costanza, Lord of the Idiots."

[lamplighter]

"If you're having second thoughts, if you didn't want it, don't worry about it... because, uh, you know... I-I-I could take it, you know."

[antistu]

"I've always been a stall man."

[antistu]

"We were expecting about two hundred people..."

[lamplighter]

"I want to make a good entrance. I never makes good entrances."

[Artio]

”I’m not goin’ along. I can just see you in Berlin in 1939 goose-stepping past me: “C’mon Jerry, go along, go along…”

[antistu]

JOEL: Stuart.
ELAINE: (right away) No. Second choice.
JOEL: Stu--Stuart's no good?
ELAINE: I've never met a normal guy named Stuart.

[envirodude]

several in unison: "Tryptophan!"
George: "I think."

[antistu]

[The camera is over George's head and spins around repeatedly as George screams.]

George: KHAN!

[antistu]

"It's a hot night. The mind races. You think about your
knife; the only friend who hasn't betrayed you, the only friend who won't be
dead by sun up. Sleep tight, mates, in your quilted Chambray nightshirts."

[Bluesea]

George: "I invented 'its not you its me'! Nobody tells me, its them, not me! If its anybody, it's ME!

Date: Alright, alright, its you.

George: You're damm right it's me!

[psykhe]

You can love ME all you want then. Ciao!

[Bluesea]

Elaine: Maybe the Dingo ate your baby.
Woman: What?
Elaine: The DINGO ATE YOUR BABY!

Elaine smiles satisfied ... perfect comment for the stupid woman's coffee group with all their crap about their kids and day care

Elaine lets us know how much of a caring person she is:

Elaine: Yeah and when I see freaks on the street, I never EVER stare at them! Yet, I am careful not to look away see, 'cause I want to make the freaks feel comfortable.

[antistu]

"I'm here to clean the carpets. Most of the world is carpeted. And,
one day, we will do the cleaning."

[antistu]

"Uh, yes, most likely, yes. I'm, uh, H.E. Pennypacker. I'm a wealthy industrialist and philanthropist and, uh, a bicyclist. And, um, yes, I'm looking for a place where I can settle down with my, uh, peculiar habits, and, uh, the women that I frequent with. (sniffing wall) Mmm. Mombassa, hmm?"

[Artio]

"I think I could be a philanthropist, a kick ass philanthropist! I would have all this money, and people would love me. Then they would come to me.. and beg!"

[lamplighter]

"Do you have any conceivable reason for even getting up in the morning?"

[Artio]

"It's Goretex. You know about Goretex?"

[Archaic Smile]

"I mean, she's giving and caring and genuinely concerned about the welfare of others - I can't be with someone like that!"

[lamplighter]

"I never should have brought her up there. Should have known better. I should have seen it coming, I didn't see it coming."

[Artio]

"She needs a little tenderness. She needs a little understanding. She needs a little Kramer."

[jfc]

"We're living in a SOCIETY!"

[Artio]

"But of course, we'd have to figure out a way to avoid the things that cause the little problems. Maybe some rules or something."

[antistu]

"Alright, sir"

[Artio]

"The bus is outta control. So I grab him by the collar, I take him out of the seat, I get behind the wheel, and now I'm driving the bus."

[antistu]

"You're batman!"

(I saw that episode yesterday)

[Artio]

"'Fax me some halibut.' Is that funny? Is that a joke?"

[antistu]

GEORGE: Yeah? Well, I had sex with your wife.

MCADAM: His wife is in a coma.

[Artio]

"She's not faking!"

[antistu]

Elaine: Well, that kinda brings us to why I'm here. You got eleven minutes?

Jerry: What for? Oh come on.

Elaine: I just wanna clear my head. It has nothing to do with you.

Jerry: I think it has something to do with me.

Elaine: You could read the paper through the whole thing if you want.

[Artio]

"Oh friendship... friendship, shmanship ."

[zibber]

"I don't think you can return an item for spite."

[jfc]

George: I might tell her that I love her. I came this close last night, then I
just chickened out.

Jerry: Well, that's a big move, Georgie boy. Are you confident in the 'I love
you' return?

George: Fifty-fifty.

Jerry: Cause if you don't get that return, that's a pretty big matzoh ball
hanging out there.

[antistu]

George : My name is George. I'm unemployed and I live with my parents.

Victoria : I'm Victoria. Hi.

[zibber]

Kramer to George (eating chips with his lady glasses on): "May I have one of those, madam?"

---------- Post added 03-10-2011 at 10:26 PM ----------

George: Where's the sunblock?
Jerry: Here.
George: 25? You don't have anything higher?
Jerry: What, are you on Mercury?
George: I need higher. This has paba in it, I need paba-free.
Jerry: You got a problem with paba?
George: Yes, I have a problem with paba.
Jerry: You don't even know what paba is.
George: I know enough to stay away from it.

[jfc]

Elaine to Jerry: You know, sometimes when I think you're the shallowest man I've ever met, you somehow manage to drain a little more out of the pool.

[antistu]

George: She had a dude?

Jerry: Yeah, when I went to pick her up there was this dude.

George: How do you know it was her dude?

Jerry: What do you think it could've been just some dude?

George: Sure, dudes in this town are dime a dozen.

Jerry: I reckon.

[zibber]

[working through the series again - guess where I'm at ;)]


Lloyd: So, uh, how's the arm, huh?

George: Oh, it's good. It's good.

Mom: What's the matter with your arm?

George: Nothing.

Lloyd: Oh, his arm moves like this.

Dad: Your arm moves like this?

George: Yeah.

Dad: I never seen your arm move like this.

Mom: Me, either.

George: Well, it comes and goes.

Dad: It's like some kind of a spasm.

[antistu]

"It's 'Go' time..."

[jfc]

GEORGE: You can't break up with me. I've got hand.

NOEL: And you're going to need it.

[antistu]

"Oh, the sex is wild but she's got this incredible toy collection and she won't let me near it!"

[Artio]

"Oh, my god. Don't you realize what happened? Because you started eating while having sex, you associate food with orgasms."

[antistu]

"Well, it's not like after the Risotto."

[Artio]

"Yeah well... I had sex with your wife."

[antistu]

"I'm out there Jerry and I'm loving every minute of it!"

[jfc]

JERRY: I don't know, my bathing suit? That's a little familiar, I don't want your...your boys down there.

KRAMER: C'mon, what's wrong with my boys?

JERRY: Your boys should stay in their neighborhood.

[zibber]

I am speechless.

I am without speech.

[jfc]

a full bodied dry heave set to music.

[zibber]

Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taft.

---------- Post added 03-15-2011 at 11:50 AM ----------

George: I'm, uh, I'm an architect.

Vanessa: Really. What do you design?

George: Uh, railroads, uh...

Vanessa: I thought engineers do that.

George: They can...

---------- Post added 03-15-2011 at 11:52 AM ----------

One more from The Stakeout..

Jerry: Elaine, this is my cousin Artie Levine.

Artie: Le*vine*.

Jerry: Yeah, "Le*vine*". And I'm Jerry Cougar Mellencamp.

[jfc]

"Mulva"

[antistu]

"These pretzels are making me thirsty..."

[lamplighter]

"Oh, you gotta eat before surgery. You need your strength. "

[antistu]

"Damn you Seinfeld. You useless pustule."

[DourSybarite]

Elaine: Yeah, can I have a small popcorn?
Cashier: There is no small. Child size is small.
Elaine: What's medium?
Cashier: Adult.
Elaine: Do adults ever order the child size.
Cashier: Not usually.
Elaine: Okay, gimme the adult.
Cashier: Do you want butter?
Elaine: Is it real butter?
Cashier: It's butter flavoring.
Elaine: Yeah, what is it made of?
Cashier: It's yellow.

[antistu]

George: What're you gonna do now?
Jerry: I dunno. I can't ask her now; I've already made out with her. Once
you make out with a woman, you can't ask her her name.
George: Aretha!
Jerry: No...
George: Bovary!
Jerry: Alright, that's enough.

[lamplighter]

"I never should have brought her up there. Should have known better. I should have seen it coming, I didn't see it coming. "

[jfc]

KRAMER: Now what does the little man inside you say? See you gotta listen to the little man.

GEORGE: My little man doesn't know.

KRAMER: The little man knows all.

GEORGE: My little man's an idiot.

[antistu]

"Hey, Yo-Yo Ma."

[jfc]

KRAMER: I'm completely changing the configuration of the apartment. You're not gonna believe it when you see it. A whole new lifestyle.

JERRY: What are you doing?

KRAMER: Levels.

JERRY: Levels?

KRAMER: Yeah, I'm getting rid of all my furniture. All of it. And I'm going to build these different levels, with steps, and it'll all be carpeted with a lot of pillows. You know, like ancient Egypt.

JERRY: You drew up plans for this?

KRAMER: No, no. It's all in my head.

MORTY: I don't know how you're going to be comfortable like that.

KRAMER: Oh, I'll be comfortable.

[antistu]

LOU: I hate gum. The only guy I ever liked came with the Mickey Mouse gumball machine. They stopped making that about 20 years ago.
ELAINE: Well, stinky, this is your lucky day.

[zibber]

Oh Mulva!

[antistu]

"For I am Costanza. Lord of the Idiots!"

[Artio]

"To Latvian Orthodox?"

[antistu]

" I think the hats. The hat convey that solemn religious look you want in a faith. Very pious."

[zibber]

"Yes fahda."
"What did you say?"
"Yes father."

[antistu]

Kramer: I’ve got the Kavorka Jerry.
Jerry: The Kavorka? What’s that?
Kramer: The lure of the animal. I’m dangerous.

[jfc]

JERRY: Really? You never slipped one past the goalie in all these years??..Boy, I'm surprised. You've slept with a lot of women, I--

KRAMER: A lot of 'em! [wild gesture, freaked out] Do you think maybe I'm.. Depleted??!!

JERRY: Well, I'm sure you're not.. Totally Depleted.

KRAMER: Well, but what if I am? I'm the last male Kramer! We're facing extinction!

JERRY: Well, go to a fertility clinic. Have your sperm count checked.

KRAMER: Yeah, but then I'd have to.. well, you know.. into a cup? In the middle of the day??

ELAINE: Does that conflict with your regular schedule?

[antistu]

GEORGE: Yeah, that's exactly what I'm worried about. God would never let me be successful. He'd kill me first. He'd never let me be happy.
DANA: I thought you didn't believe in God?
GEORGE: I do for the bad things.

[jfc]

George: Well, after dinner last week, she invites me back to her apartment.

Jerry: I'm with you.

George: Well, it's this little place with this little bathroom. It's like right there, you know, it's not even down a little hall or off in an alcove. You understand? There's no... buffer zone. So, we start to fool around, and it's the first time, and it's early in the going. And I begin to perceive this impending... intestinal requirement, whose needs are going to surpass by great lengths anything in the sexual realm. So I know I'm gonna have to stop. And as this is happening I'm thinking, even if I can somehow manage to momentarily...extricate myself from the proceedings and relieve this unstoppable force, I know that that bathroom is not gonna provide me with the privacy that I know I'm going to need...

Jerry: This could only happen to you.

[JonD]

Jerry: "So Puddy, this is a pretty good move for you, huh? No more 'grease monkey.'"

Puddy: "I don't care for that term."

Jerry: "Oh sorry, I didn't know."

Puddy: "I don't know too many monkeys that can take apart a fuel injector."

[discontinuous]

Dr God dam BOOKMAN:
Well, let me tell you something, funny boy. Y'know that little stamp,
the one that says "New York Public Library"? Well that may not mean anything to you, but that means a lot to me. One whole hell of a lot. Sure, go ahead, laugh if you want to. I've seen your type before:

Flashy, making the scene, flaunting convention. Yeah, I know what you're thinking. What's this guy making such a big stink about old library books? Well, let me give you a hint, junior. Maybe we can live without libraries, people like you and me. Maybe.

Sure, we're too old to change the world, but what about that kid, sitting down, opening a book, right now, in a branch at the local library and finding drawings of pee-pees and wee-wees on the Cat in the Hat and the Five Chinese Brothers? Doesn't HE deserve better? Look. If you think this is about overdue fines and missing books, you'd better think again. This is about that kid's right to read a book without getting his mind warped!

Or: maybe that turns you on, Seinfeld; maybe that's how y'get your kicks. You and your good-time buddies.
Well I got a flash for ya, joy-boy: Party time is over. Y'got seven days, Seinfeld. That is one week!

[jfc]

Newman: Because the mail never stops. It just keeps coming and coming and coming, there's never a let-up. It's relentless. Every day it piles up more and more and more! And you gotta get it out but the more you get it out the more it keeps coming in. And then the bar code reader breaks and it's *Publisher's Clearing House* day!!!

[antistu]

Kramer: (to Fred Savage) I'm not crazy. I may look weird, but I'm just like you I'm just a regular guy.

[jfc]

GEORGE: So let's say in her mind she witnessed a pick. Okay, so then what?

JERRY: Is that so unforgivable? Is that like breaking a commandment? Did God say to Moses thou shalt not pick?

GEORGE: I guarantee you that Moses was a picker. You wander throughh the desert for forty years with that dry air. ... You telling me you're not going to have occasion to clean house a little bit.

[antistu]

LEO: (Yelling out to every one in the coffee shop) Will somebody answer that damn phone?!

[jfc]

Newman: Damn you Seinfeld. You useless pustule.

[antistu]

KRAMER: Oh come on Jerry, its opening night, black tie, Pagliacci! The
great clown, the great sad tragic clown, like you.
JERRY: Well its very flattering. How did you get these tickets, I heard
they're impossible to get.
KRAMER: Oh, well I have many associates.

[jfc]

JERRY: I - I can't wear this puffy shirt on TV! I mean, look at it! It looks ridiculous!

KRAMER: Well, you gotta wear it now! All those stores are stocking it based on the condition that you're gonna wear this on the TV show! The factory in New Jersey is already makin' them!

JERRY: They're making these?!

KRAMER: Yes, yes. This pirate trend that she's come up with, Jerry, - this is gonna be the new look for the 90's. You're gonna be the first pirate!

JERRY: (Like a little kid) But, I don't want to be a pirate!

[antistu]

Kramer: Oh, no no no...no more banks. I'm keeping my blood in my freezer with...my money!

[Artio]

"Don't be ridiculous. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go to fill my freezer with my own blood."

[antistu]

Kramer: Don't you know you're not supposed to poke around down there.

Jerry: Well women do it.

Kramer: (high pitched voice) "Well women do it." I'll tell you what. I'll pick you up a sundress and a parasol and you can just (high pitched voice) sashey your pretty little self around the town square.

[jfc]

George: Do women know about shrinkage?

Elaine: What do you mean, like laundry?

George: No.

Jerry: Like when a man goes swimming... afterwards...

Elaine: It shrinks?

Jerry: Like a frightened turtle!

Elaine: Why does it shrink?

George: It just does.

Elaine: I don't know how you guys walk around with those things.

[antistu]

"I go out for a quart of milk and come home to find my son treating his body like an amusement park."

[jfc]

Jerry: He went back? What do you mean he went back?

Elaine: He went back.

Jerry: I don't understand it. You were having such a great time, the sex, the shopping.

Elaine: Well here's the thing. Being a woman, I only really have access to the, uh... equipment, what, thirty, forty-five minutes a week. And that's on a good week. How can I be expected to have the same expertise as people who *own* this equipment, and have access to it twenty-four hours a day, their entire lives.

Jerry: You can't. That's why they lose very few players.

Elaine: Yeah, I guess I never really stood a chance.

[antistu]

JERRY: So, what did she do?

GEORGE: First she screams, "George, what are you doing?! My God!" And it looked like she was gonna faint - she started clutching the wall, trying to hang onto it.

KRMAER: (Reflecting on the story so far) Man..

GEORGE: I didn't know whether to try and keep her from falling, or zip up.

JERRY: What did you do?

GEORGE: I zipped up!

[jfc]

MAN: (Clears throat) Tragic story, I'm afraid. He could've had any woman in the world.. but none could match the beauty of his own hand.. and that became his one true love..

(Long pause)

GEORGE: You mean, uh..?

MAN: Yes. he was not.. master of his domain.

GEORGE: (Makes a gesture saying he understands. The man nods) But how.. uh..?

MAN: (Quick, to the point) The muscles.. became so strained with.. overuse, that eventually the hand locked into a deformed position, and he was left with nothing but a claw. (Holds hand up, displaying a claw-like shape) He traveled the world seeking a cure.. acupuncturists.. herbalists.. swamis.. nothing helped. Towards the end, his hands became so frozen the was unable to manipulate utensils, (Visibly disgusted by this last part) and was dependent on Cub Scouts to feed him. I hadn't seen another pair of hands like Ray McKigney's.. until today. You are his successor. (George looks down at his hands) I.. only hope you have a little more self-control.

GEORGE: (Smiling to himself) You don't have to worry about me. (Nodding, gloating) I won a contest.

[antistu]

George: Oh. Okay, here it is, I got it. She lost her thumbs in a tractor
accident and they grafted her big toes on. They do it every day.

[antistu]

It's go time!

Mandlebaum! Mandlebaum! Mandlebaum!

[jfc]

I've been "outed"! I wasn't even "in"!

[antistu]

It's like a... white discoloration.

[Artio]

"About your... metamorphosis. When did it happen?"

[antistu]

KRAMER: Okay uh, yeah. I'll have a uh, you have a decaf cappuccino?
RESTON: I don't think we have that.
KRAMER: Well, that's a little strange.
RESTON: Uh, why does that surprise you?
KRAMER: Well, it's uh, it's a very popular drink

[jfc]

His father was a mudder. And his mother was a mudder.

[antistu]

What did I say?

[jfc]

I don't have a square to spare, I can't spare a square

[Bluesea]

Hey, wait a minute ... I know you ....

[antistu]

Maybe the dingo ate your baby.

[antistu]

JERRY: (Joking) No, she's a little too cheery for me.
RAY: (Losing it) She's from Finland, for crying out loud. Finland! Do you understand?!
JERRY: I know Finland. They're neutral.

[jfc]

Kramer: We have to put the board in a neutral place where no one will tamper
with it.

Jerry: So that's here?

Kramer: Yes, yes. You're like Switzerland.

Jerry: I don't wanna be Switzerland.

[antistu]

TIMMY: You dipped the chip. You took a bite. <points at the dip> And you dipped again.
GEORGE: So...?
TIMMY: That's like putting your whole mouth right in the dip! From now on, when you take a chip - just take one dip and end it!
GEORGE: Well, I'm sorry, Timmy...but I don't dip that way. <takes a chip.>

[Mikk]

"Let me be perfectly blunt. I don't care for you, Costanza. You hang out on the west side of the building with Seinfeld all day laughing it up, wasting your lives."
- Newman

[antistu]

"And by the way, they're real and they're spectacular..."

[antistu]

I got rejected by a bald woman.

[jfc]

Jerry: Did you tell her about, uh, your little hat there?

George: What hat?

Jerry: You know, you're little hair hat there.

George: No.

Jerry: Don't you think she could tell?

Kramer: No, no, no she can't tell. It's a perfect match. Beautiful job.

Jerry: Are you kidding? I could spot that bird's nest two blocks away.

[jfc]

GEORGE: This is not good. World's are colliding! George is getting upset!

[antistu]

"Cause I'm like ice, buddy, if I don't like you, you've got problems"

[jfc]

JERRY: I don't even want to talk about it anymore. What were you thinking? What was going on in your mind? Artistic integrity? Where, where did you come up with that? You're not artistic and you have no integrity. You know you really need some help. A regular psychiatrist couldn't even help you. You need to go to like Vienna or something. You know what I mean? You need to get involved at the University level. Like where Freud studied and have all those people looking at you and checking up on you. That's the kind of help you need. Not the once a week for eighty bucks. No. You need a team. A team of psychiatrists working round the clock thinking about you, having conferences, observing you, like the way they did with the Elephant Man. That's what I'm talking about because that's the only way you're going to get better.

[antistu]

ELAINE: How do we know that dog food is any good? Who tastes it?

JERRY: She’s really hungry.

[jkatra]

WHO? WHO doesn't want to wear the ribbon?

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[antistu]

KRAMER: (screaming at the players on the field) YOU BETTER CATCH IT, JOHNNY, 'CAUSE THIS AIN'T PHILIDELPHIA!!

[jfc]

KRAMER: Excuse me.

RAY: Are you talking to me?

KRAMER: Uh, well, uh, we --

RAY: I said, are you talking to me?

BOB: Well, maybe, he was talking to me. Was you talking to him? Because you was obviously talking to one of us. So what is it? Who?! Who was you talking to?!

KRAMER: Well, wha -- I, uh -- uh, we were kind of, uh, talking to each other, weren't we?

[Jerry & Kramer turn around and run away]

[antistu]

The sea was angry that day my friends, like an old man trying to return soup at a deli!

[jfc]

The jerk store called, they're outta you!

[antistu]

"Oh yeah? Well I had sex with your wife!"

[jfc]

You know, we're living in a society!

[ElstonGunn]

"She called. He yelled 'Cartwright.' I missed her."

"Who's Cartwright?"

"I'm Cartwright."

"You're not Cartwri--"

"Of course I'm not Cartwright!"

[jfc]

Whats that smell?....Somethings burning back here.....FIRE! FIIIIRE!

[antistu]

"You're hung up on some clown from the sixties, man!"

[ElstonGunn]

"Does he really need the 'the clown' in his name? Bozo the clown? Are we gonna confuse him with Bozo the District Attorney? Bozo the Pope? There's no other Bozo."

[antistu]

"Forget Bozo, George. Bozo's out. He's finished. It's over for Bozo."

[ElstonGunn]

"She's got a little Marissa Tomei thing goin' on."
"Oh yeah? Too bad you got a little George Costanza thing goin' on."

[antistu]

"I'm Cosmo Kramer, the Assman!"

[ElstonGunn]

Evelyn: You don't like the pen
Jerry: No, I--
Evelyn: Because if you don't like it, give it back to him.
Helen: Is that what she said?
Evelyn: Who?
Helen: Blanche!
Evelyn: What are you talking about?



(I like the scenes with the old people. From the same episode: "...Writes me a check for 19.45. He didn't have a Coke, oh ho ho! :rolleyes:")

[jfc]

Frank: You wanna piece of me? You got it!

[Twilight]

"Not that there's anything wrong with it."

[jfc]

ELAINE: Well! I can't spend the rest of my life coming into this stinking apartment every ten minutes to pore over the...excruciating minutia, of every, single, daily event.

[antistu]

He used to dip his bald head in oil and rub it all over my body.

[sadf]

"I've always had tuna on toast. Nothings ever worked out for me with tuna on toast. I want the complete opposite of tuna on toast. Chicken salad. On rye. Untoasted, with a side of potato salad, AND A CUP OF TEA!"

[Archaic Smile]

George: I mean, now she thinks that I'm one of these guys that love her. Nobody wants to be with somebody that loves them.

Jerry: No, people hate that.

[antistu]

No, I slipped - and fell in the mud. Ruining the very pants I was about to return.

[jfc]

JERRY:Don't you see what's goin' on here??? .. No boxers, no Jockeys..

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JERRY:The only thing between him and us is a thin layer of gabardine..

[antistu]

JERRY: But it's your bodega.

MARCELINO: Even I am not above the policy.

[jfc]

George: (inhales deeply) I tell you, Jerry, I'm feeling something. Something I haven't felt in a long time.

Jerry: Pride?

[Bluesea]

George Costanza: I have a bad feeling that whenever a lesbian looks at me they think "That's why I'm not a heterosexual."

[antistu]

I have a right to be here. These are my fans. Hey you're hurting my elbow.

[antistu]

I like to read the Daily News.

[antistu]

Kramer: Will people be able to breathe under water in the year two-thousand?

[roxtehproxy]

George: "Conformity's an obsession with me."

[antistu]

"It's like those hip musicians with their complicated shoes!"

[antistu]

"Haven't we had this conversation before...?"