Ever been deleted from a "friend's" Facebook page?

[mozi84]

To start off, don't usually use Facebook that much (login maybe once a month tops) and have only around 45 people linked as friends to my profile. My main purpose of using FB is for occasional contact with folks and finding out about events that they may be attending.

Anyways, the other day, when I logged into FB, I found out that someone had deleted me as a friend (and later also found out that he had blocked me on IM) for reasons that are unknown to me. This person was a former co-worker and someone I considered as a friend and mentor. He moved away about two months ago for a better job and I thought we were on good terms. We even exchanged e-mails a couple times after he left, but I guess something happened to make him do what he did. I don't think I said anything in those e-mails to set him off in any way. I'm curious as to why he decided to block me, but I'm not sure I want to open any cans of worms either. I'm fairly certain that any confrontation would likely lead to some sort of drama (that, as an INTJ, I want absolutely no part of). So a big part of me is just saying: "Screw it. Who cares? Just move on." Would that be the way you would approach a situation like this or would you try to confront the issue head on?

Judging from some posts in other threads, I can see that some folks here like to delete "friends" from their FB pages, most likely because they consider those "friends" to be far-removed acquaintances rather than actual friends. I'm curious as to whether or not anyone here has been on the receiving end (i.e., been deleted from someone else's FB page) and, if so, how you handled it.

[khadi]

Yes, I would try not to care, and move on. I find it strange that he would bother blocking you on IM. Why would he feel the need to do that?

[Samoan Corleone]

Are you the only person he removed/blocked, or were there others as well? From my limited experience with social networking, people tend to have bouts where they alienate themselves from everyone; these instances aren't to be taken personally, for the most part.

[True Rune]

There are several motivating factors to "De-friending" others, he might be "moving on" and in that, deleting all people who are not in his new life, or perhaps never liked you, or perhaps even got into it with someone associated with you, and the resulting disassociation resulted in you as a casualty. Or perhaps they just deleted their own facebook account. Maybe you can get more information through a mutual friend. Typically when I've been deleted I could trace the cause.. sometimes it was that people in question were not stable folk, and sometimes I pissed people off too much, one time I was even a casualty of a break up.

Given the IM thing, it's probably not an accident.

[JSPAG]

Yeah, I've been "de-friended" before. A girl I knew rather well removed me from her friends list the moment she found a boyfriend. I commented on her page in various sections and she went and removed all of my comments. I found it pretty flattering actually.....

[JasonINTJ]

I would confront this person. If you truly feel you were on good terms with him and he suddenly deletes you and blocks you, you deserve to at least ask about it. He might not be all right in his head right now and it may not be your fault at all. If you care for this person and you desire an answer, seek one. Nothing wrong with that. Don't feel bad about whatever he might say if it doesn't ring true to you ~ he might be acting very irrationally. His move and his new life situations might have triggered changes in him that you never could have predicted.

[mozi84]

I don't think he's gone on a de-friending binge seeing as he's still FB friends with certain folks that I'm friends with, and I think he's further removed from those people in real life than I am.

It's possible I could've been a casualty of a relationship gone bad. I'm still good friends with someone he recently dated and had a bad falling out with. However, I don't think he has deleted other people who are also friends of this girl. From what I can tell, I'm the only casualty. I see his ex as nothing more than a good friend, but maybe he thinks otherwise? Maybe I said something to her I shouldn't have said? I really don't know!

I know something must have pushed him to do this, and my suspicion is that it has to do with my friendship with his ex. I also found out that he had recently emailed one of my current coworkers about a job opening at his new place and was asking whether he knew of anyone who was interested. However, he tried to avoid having my current coworker tell me about the opening my making up some BS excuse in his email (though my current coworker showed me the email anyways). Taking all these things together, I think he's pretty much made up his mind about not wanting to speak to me.

At this point, I think confronting him would only lead to more drama. However, I also think that asking him about it probably wouldn't lead to things being any worse than they are now, so what have I got to lose? Then again, I think a real friend would not have acted so irrationally without getting answers from me. So I also have to wonder if I would want this person to remain my friend after all this and if things could even return to normal.

[JasonINTJ]

Check on it. The problem might even stem from his ex possibly spreading lies and rumors about you. I don't know, but it happens.

[zibber]

When I left my old Trotskist group, a lot of the higher ups (the existence of "higher ups" in a Trotskist group being one of the reasons I left) unfriended me. I lost so much sleep over that. At least 25 seconds.

[Szepi311]

My son went through a similar drama where a person of bad intensions started rumors. People my son thought of as friends started to distance themselves. Things escalated making it very uncomfortable for him in school. The situation finally came to a head, and they had to bring things out in the open. When the truth came out, some issues have resolved nicely, but like you said certainly not in a way that one could resume any kind of friendship. The damage had already been done.

Unless the situation for whatever reason is causing you distress on a continuing basis, or this person's friendship is high on the important list for you, just move on.

[Maedhi]

As someone has already mentioned, it is quite likely that this is caused by some news/gossip being spread about you (you may think he is your friend but this is what he has to say about you when you aren't around, blah blah blah). When a person defriends you abruptly, it is often an impulsive decision and they usually want you to come after them to ask why so that they can tell you what a miserable worm you are, etc. If you don't go after them, they will try to get back in touch with you while still maintaining the moral high ground, to vent. This can be quite amusing to watch, but is usually not worth it. Shrug and move on. If they value the relationship they will be back, if not it makes no difference to you.

To answer your question, most people want me on their friend list only to boost their friend count, so I am unlikely to be defriended or I am not likely to notice if it happens. I have once been defriended by a person I was quite close to, but I didn't bother about it. She did eventually come back through other media, and neither of us mentioned the social network.

[VF1J]

I defriended about 45 people once, they weren't friends though, and only one or two of them noticed and spread it around... Then one person said 'Did you delete me too'? The funny thing is, I never even had her as a friend on FB.

[karenann33]

This guy moved 2 months ago (traumatic) for a new job (again traumatic I don't care how fabulous the job is). My guess is it has nothing to do with you and even if it does what the heck? What kind of person just defriends someone unless that person knows exactly what happened (like a falling out, an argument, or a break-up of some sorts).

I'm no expert though. I hate fb.

[BlackFlames]

I dont even use my facebook that much...almost never. I only talk to one girl really and if I'am am deleted by someone I know I wouldnt care...besides they only added me because we went to the same school...

[sircockburn]

sure. I have over 800 friends, and I sure as hell don't even know half these people. So my numbers might go down occasionally. Twice I got dropped for being a "miserable worm" (once a stupid spat with someone though we made up quickly, and once for getting aggressive about politics during debates on someone's wall. The guy's parting comment: "be an insufferable smartass somewhere else." pffft. Not very democratic was he.

don't obsess over your coworker though. People unfriend for all kinds of reason, and he has a right, so unless you do suspect your defamation, just move on.

[Zsych]

Its pretty irritating getting unfriended. People speak about their lives on facebook, so being unfriended means that person is choosing to cut you off (especially the more talkative ones). Getting restricted access to someone's profile is similar when you consider them a friend.

Depending on how much I care about the person, I take it varying levels of badly - from not caring to planning vengeance :)

I've only ever removed one person from my facebook myself - really dishonest guy.

[Paul Siraisi]

I keep looking for a reason to have a facebook account and not finding even the barest hint of one.

[OJIScudbone]

I'm curious as to whether or not anyone here has been on the receiving end (i.e., been deleted from someone else's FB page) and, if so, how you handled it.

Yes, mostly the ex girlfriends. They just got to it faster than I did. It gives me a good laugh to see my friend list lose numbers when I occasionally log on. Usually I can't figure out who unfriended me.

[AltoidaMintera]

Are you positivethis person deleted you? I know for a fact that when people deactivate their profiles, it can look as if they deleted you. Only to have them pop up again on your radar 5 months down the line when they decide to activate FB again. There are more options to this issue than may be readily visible.

[Kricket]

To be honest, I have no idea. If I ever come across someone I know but whose profile is restricted from me, I usually assumed we never friended each other on Facebook. If someone deleted me I probably forgot we were ever friends in the first place.

[MiaoPurrington]

Yes. At one point I had over a 130 friends and now it dwindled to about 106. Those people were just weeding out the tokens I guess. It doesn't matter, really.

[childofprodigy]

Maybe he was another INTJ cleaning up his friends list from superficial contact

[ZerroDefex]

Never been defriended by anyone I gave a shit about. Chances are I'd have deleted them anyways, especially if it's someone I had one class with years ago and have never spoken with since.

[LilyThePink]

I post about nutrition and libertarian/voluntaryism type articles on FB all the time, I am sure some have hid me, the ones who only want to play frontierville or something like that. But one girl who I had reconnected with (she told me that she has a degree in anthropology so she has to be a progressive) called me on the phone to tell me she couldn't be my friend because of my political point of view. She talked of all her Muslim friends, and gay friends, and Mexican friends and Black friends. I told her, J, I have all types of friends, they are not all one flavor but to me their just my friends, I do not feel the need to announce their physical or religious or ethnic differences as it didn't mean squat to me. The next week she defriended me.

[MiaoPurrington]

Maybe he was another INTJ cleaning up his friends list from superficial contact

Oh those people weren't INTJ, I assure you. I live in the land of the sensory extroverts (Florida).

[specialist]

I de-friended someone this morning that I had met once and talked with a couple times online and for some reason she wanted to be facebook friends. But I only have a single digit number of facebook friends, none of them actually use it, and I have better ways of communicating with them anyway. I'm not sure why I don't just delete it.

[Miryr]

Yeah, I've been "de-friended" before. A girl I knew rather well removed me from her friends list the moment she found a boyfriend. I commented on her page in various sections and she went and removed all of my comments. I found it pretty flattering actually.....

Ditto, but to be quite frank I'm happy she's focusing on someone else besides me.

[mozi84]

Alright, I think I'm just going to move on. While I considered him a good friend, I just don't have the patience (or guts or however this should be characterized) to put up with this kind of drama. Way too "junior high" for my taste. Losing a good friend as well as a good work reference, but it's hard to see things recovering to normal even if I get in touch with him. Things will likely be awkward regardless. Time to move on.