Compliments: Do you like them?

[Jamo]

I went to look for a thread on compliments and I did not come across any when I did a forum search and I feel one should exist. So, what is your opinion on them?

Generally, I have a very hard time accepting compliments, unless I agree with them. I guess I take them more as a piece of knowledge instead of things that make me feel better (I say this assuming that when most people compliment someone, it is to make the person feel better). I only like them when I can tell if they are 100% genuine and the person actually believes what they are saying.

[Kanizsa]

To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Hate them unless they are from someone legit. Like lets say if a math professor who has a field medal gave me a compliment versus a elementary school math teacher.

Unless you are talking about mathematical notion of complement as in geometry?

[jerdol]

I think that was a wonderful opening post.

I'm not sure how much of a distinction is, but though I care little for complements (don't mind them, but I know myself and your acknowledgment of my genius/kindness/torturing skills isn't news to me), I like gratitude. I especially love doing a favor I'm not asked to do, not telling the person I did it, then seeing the person be all happy about it and then thank me. I act nonchalant or murmur an excuse - I'm bad at accepting gratitude - but inside it makes me all warm and fuzzy.

To a certain extent I do want people chanting my name in awe. Part of the fun of being all-powerful is having people recognize it. Banal complements are what I couldn't care less about.

[Tactical Panda]

On one hand they tend to be useless as knowledge, but its nice to know that there is a possibility that someone wants me to feel good without them trying to manipulate me. So, if I trust the person giving them, I wish I took the time to invest a bit more care into the softer, less pragmatic sides of a relationship.

Compliments are just a part of life. Some people need them. I'm not sure if I do.
You'd be lucky if I pause to register them at the time, unless its something crazy, unexpected, memorable and obviously wrong.

[Masslessxphoton]

I feel that way too, a lot of people I know don't get it no matter how hard I try to explain, i wonder if this is exclusively intj.

[stiletto]

I am a bit like you OP. I only enjoy compliments if I feel that they are in some way 'warranted' (and according to my own personal sensibilities, of course :) ) or they kind of feel like an imposition. Like in a way something rendered more for their sake than for mine, just as something tpo say even though I never sought any input. Perhaps I only think that because I get so little from them and I have a tendency to automatically dismiss them upon reception otherwise. But then social protocol dictates a person be gracious so as to not offend, so then I'm forced to muster up the most sincere thanks that I can at that time, to make the best of what must be a well-meaning gesture.

It throws me off and causes me to necessarily shift my focus towards things I find less preferable like social protocol. Same with sympathy, I have a tendency to sidestep both when offered unless it strikes a chord. In most instances I have the tendency to regard either as a kind of social trap, or perhaps a somewhat insincere or glib way of establishing rapport. I'm not entirely sure why.

[blackcoffee]

Generally, I find taking compliments to be somewhat awkward. I can usually handle compliments regarding my accomplishments pretty well, but when it comes to appearance or more personal things, I feel uncomfortable. I never know how to respond without sounding either completely conceited or ridiculously insecure.

[ghostwreck]

When someone compliments me, it's difficult to tell whether they are sincere or not. Could be trying to be nice or friendly.

If I am complimented in an area I am not confident in, I tend to suspect I'm being made fun of.

When there is reason to believe the compliment is sincere, I don't know how to respond to it. It is appreciated but seldom properly acknowledged.

[Marcus Septim]

Yes i do

I'm vain

[Zsych]

Well, if someone is giving a compliment because they like you or respect you, then the correctness of what is said is separate from the other fact that they're expressing: that they like or respect you - which should be appreciated.

[BlackFlames]

Its not that I like them or dont like them I dont now how to respond to them. When someone gives me a compliment I'll say thnx but I dont really mean it. Like blackcoffe it awkward to me. I really hate when someone gives me a compliment in a joking manner and expect me to get the joke...that irritates me

Edit:
I remember when I gotten these Jordans that jsut came out and at school almost every class I went to a few people notice and gave me compliments. I was just replying with simple words like yeah, thnx or just a head nod...it was sorta annoying because people asked me to stick my feet out the seat on the bus just so they can spot them asked if they were real -_-

[quiz]

Yes, I like them and I need them especially now. I'm looking for a job and it's good to feel good about yourself. When someone gives me a compliment I feel better even if I know it's shallow.

[ktgrey]

If they are genuine then I bask in them like a cat purring after being stroked. However I give little indication of this.

I also need to think for about half a hour about possible motivations behind the compliment and whether it was genuine or not.

[Zsych]

Lets say I call a girl 'the most beautiful woman in the world'. Do I believe it objectively? Of course, not. Is it a nice thing to say? Depending on the mood and delivery - sure.

[JustMel]

We just had a whole thread on compliments somewhere... My general thought is "no" unless it's sincere and non-smarmy. I loathe smarmy compliments.

[Dover]

Lets say I call a girl 'the most beautiful woman in the world'. Do I believe it objectively? Of course, not. Is it a nice thing to say? Depending on the mood and delivery - sure.

Then why even say it?

Sincere compliments are appreciated, but rarely are compliments sincere.

[Optimaler]

I hate receiving compliments; I usually receive them for doing things that I don't think deserve a compliment. They also draw unnecessary attention to me, which I strongly dislike.

On the other hand, I have no issue giving them when I think someone has done something of merit.

[suzib]

It totally depends.
Who is giving it? If I have little respect for the giver, it comes off as fawning, or I suspect they are buttering me up for some reason, I dislike.

If I feel that someone with some sense is appreciating an accomplishment I appreciate it. And I AM good at accepting compliments. None of that "Aw shucks, it was nothing" for me.

I dislike compliments about looks, it is too much attention, and I often find it patronizing or belittling.

[psykhe]

Compliments? Doesn't matter. I never take 'em seriously. Some people tend to exaggerate things just to gain your approval or your sympathy.

What others think of me has nothing to do with my self-perception. Call it arrogance whatever you wish to call it, but I love myself. Not perfect, but beautiful.

[MrFreakaficial]

I think compliments are mostly silly. They are fun when you are being silly, but that's it.

I'll take well-worded, constructive criticism over it any day. It can be helpful, polite, and it shows that the person is interested enough in what I'm doing to make him/her think. That means a lot to me.

[Crazyblue]

I don't really care for them.

[SelfMadeBum]

I generally don't welcome them and don't take them well.

[Leg]

if they're true and sincere, yes I like them.

[frontier]

In most cases they are neutral to me, and I could survive without them.

When I hear compliments usually don't take them too serious, and a minute later can't even repeat what I've heard.

It's nice to hear them from someone special, but then, I put deeds over words.

[Rationality]

How much I appreciate a compliment depends on who is giving it, and why. For example if a sales clerk or waiter compliments my clothes or jewelry, I don't take it too seriously. I appreciate the effort to be friendly and welcoming, but the compliment may or may not be genuine. When complete strangers that I pass in the street compliment me, I'm really happy because they're obviously being genuine. When men compliment my appearance I appreciate it the first time and politely thank them, but if they dwell on it and are overly persistent then I become exasperated. My most recent (and best) compliments have been about my character and writing style rather than just my appearance which I greatly appreciate.

[Susan89]

I like them, but I don't need them. If someone compliments me about something I know I'm good at I think, "Yes" I know, but I say "Thanks" and move on Complments are eally important to my SO, so he gives them. I've had to learn to give them more freely

[True Rune]

They're okay, I guess.

[Dru]

genuine compliments are nice.

[Anima Mundi]

I don't trust compliments, but I've learned to not let this show and appear as though I accept them. In my experience the only reason for complimenting someone is because they have something you want.

[rara avis]

It depends. For me, compliments and praise can be embarrassingly powerful; I will remember and hoard the ones that seem real to me for a long time- especially the ones that seem real and interesting or revealing. Better yet if it's delivered as a simple observation or fact, rather than in a sugary tone.

The ones that seem like random niceties to me, I have trouble with.

I can't really believe random-seeming or surfacey compliments because they aren't directly attached to something I've done, or said, or am, and I don't understand what's really being said, or why. If I'm with someone with whom I can be myself, and if I'm feeling mildly fractious, I'll actually ask them why they said it. Which is kind of rude.

"Sweet nothings" are annoying- they leave me completely blank, but seem to require some gushy response. I like sweet somethings.
Or even bitter nothings, if they're funny.

[SirJamesIII]

It depends. Most of the time I don't enjoy receiving them. I like criticism more. I don't like receiving compliments from my peers that put me on a pedestal. I'd like everyone to be as good at things as I am. I often receive compliments about my guitar playing abilities. Stuff like, "I'll never be as good as you." I like it the most when i put my abilities to work and I teach people. A thank you in return is much better than a compliment.

Sweet nothings are bull shit. I don't like compliments about my looks. I was born that way. Compliments about the way I dress are appreciated though.

I don't want to come across as cynical. By all means compliment me. If you're sincere and your intentions are good, then I understand and I am grateful for the praise.

[vampyremage]

Compliments always make me slightly uncomfortable because I'm never quite sure how I'm supposed to react to them. Aside from a slight discomfort, I don't really care one way or another unless they come from one of the few people who's opinions actually matter to me.

[teri]

No, I don't really like compliments, unless the compliment is just sort of stated as a blunt truth. For example: "wow you are so good at visual merchandising!" is annoying and makes me uncomfortable; while "We have doubled the sales of products x and z since you reorganized the floor displays" doesn't bother me.

[zibber]

To a degree.

I mean.. some guy trying to get in my pants compared me to Brad Pitt. I literally burst out laughing at that.

[chilling11]

I hate receiving compliments; I usually receive them for doing things that I don't think deserve a compliment. They also draw unnecessary attention to me, which I strongly dislike.

On the other hand, I have no issue giving them when I think someone has done something of merit.

I wouldn't say I hate all compliments, but those that are unjustified, insincere or mocking are more offensive than other comments intended to insult. I agree w/ the unnecessary attention issue, which means that even compliments that get it right & are sincere still cause discomfort. I also agree w/ the poster who mentioned that the question of how to properly respond increases the unpleasantness of the situation.

I would basically much prefer to go about my business unrecognized than to have my attention diverted from the task at hand w/ what seems to me to be a demand that I focus on some person who not only imposes themselves on me but also requires of me that I make them feel good about themselves for having done so. They need to be recognized as nice or appreciative, or whatever, and use me to make that happen. They insist I enter their comfort zone while simultaneously requiring me to leave mine.

I also recognize that my genuine response is FAR from normal, and fails to appreciate that the sincere person not only has NO CLUE how I'm responding, but would be shocked & confused to know of it. So I do try to be as gracious as possible when I'm confident a compliment is sincere, even if it feels insulting because it's so off the mark.

Finally, and quite inconsistently, I also am impelled to compliment others. I'm unsure whether this is the result of social programming (similar to "Cover your mouth when you sneeze/cough/chew!", that even people w/ Alzeheimer's continue as their condition worsens, because their conditioning was so thorough and began at such an early stage of development, or something else...

[MiaoPurrington]

My acceptance of a compliment is contingent upon how truthful it is and whether or not I believe it. I am quite polite in person, and I usually say thank you. But compliments mean nothing to me mostly.

[dandylion]

It depends. I like compliments on my cooking or baking, but I always tend to make some dissenting comment because I'm a perfectionist and I know it can always be better.

I generally dislike compliments that are about my appearance, like, "You're beautiful/hot!" I dunno, it just makes me feel kind of dirty and worthless sometimes.

[jerdol]

those that are unjustified, insincere or mocking are more offensive than other comments intended to insult.Really? I don't want to derail the thread, but I'm ridiculously sensitive to insults. Not joke-insults or mere epithets, and not sensitive in the emotional way, but days later the fear of a grain of truth will be echoing through my head, and even negative comments from people whose opinions I don't care about will haunt me.
A complement is a shrug or mumbled "Thank you" away from being nothing.
I generally dislike compliments that are about my appearance, like, "You're beautiful/hot!"Ditto, because I find it superficial. I don't want to be liked because of the way I look. To me, complementing my appearance is like saying "If you were uglier, you'd mean less to me." It's the mind that matters, methinks.

[Jamo]

At school and tended to be the quiet kid that people only talk to for help with schoolwork (as many of us are). One day I decided to dress nicely (which I don't normally do) because I was feeling depressed and that helps me feel better. When I went to one of my classes, a person who never talks to me complemented me and I kinda threw it back at their face and got all defensive. I think it is because it caught me off guard, but another part of it was the unwanted attention.

I think my biggest issue is the unwanted attention, or rather knowing that people are paying attention to me when I don't want them to. I did greatly appreciate it because I agreed with it and I could tell that they actually meant it, but I didn't like how they said it out loud in front of everyone :/

[ZerroDefex]

If it's from a person known to compliment everyone for every little thing then it's meaningless and I won't even notice it.

If it's from someone who pretty much never compliments anyone for anything then I'll take notice.

[Wallaby]

depends from who and how they're said

[Lightman]

If they're genuine and meaningful, yes, but they embarrass me to a degree.

[Esther]

Compliments are really awkward for me, especially when they're from somebody I respect. If I don't really care then I'll just thank them and shrug it off because it means nothing to me, but when it's sincere I either respond in a really conceited way or self-deprecating way and then the conversation takes a turn for the worst.