Feeling Something

[Phoenixrainn]

Right now my Dad is in the hospital. He is feeling waves of intense ridiculous pain throughout his stomach. A few years back he had a "volvulus" . Which is essentially when the organs twist themselves in a knot. They had to take the organs out of his body lay them on a table and essentially put them back like a puzzle. Anyway, it is incredibily risky surgery, he was very lucky and everything went perfectly. So there are chances that right now he may have the same thing, because the chances of him having a volvulus again is higher than normal due to the fact he had it before. We have no clue what he does have at the moment, I'm soon we'll know soon enough.

I love my Dad very much, but I must have serious issues. Because instead of think about how upset I would be if the unthinkable happened, I can only think of what would happen Financially, how the rest of the family would react, exactly how I am going to get home, what I would pack to take home, what the funeral would be like, seeing cousins I haven't seen in a long time ect. Anything not having to do with my emotions towards this event.

I think that I would be very very upset if something did happen, but feeling that now, or even imaging how it would feel is impossible for me.

[brettsnyder]

I'm sorry to hear about your father, best wishes for his health.

I am not a psychologist or anything akin to that, so don't take my advice just like that, but if I were you, I would not worry about the supposed lack of emotion just yet. I am the exact same way. Again, I am no psychologist, but I think that this may be your brain's way of trying to deal with such a stressful situation logically, it just shuts off the emotions to a great degree. I don't believe that you have issues regarding this matter, and I hope that I may have helped, in any way.

Again, best wishes for your father's health.

[RoyalINTJ]

best wishes for your dad to get better... i think its not an issue at all .. i tend to think that was aswell... first of all nothing has happned yet and you should concentrate yourself on doing most you can to get him better not think about what would of happen in worst scenario... for me its like a fear of losing someone who is close to me... but the only way to overcome it is to deal with it even if the matter is so sensitive as this... hope it helps in a way...

[catd]

I am the same way in a crisis. I get very calm and start planning. I'ts a good thing, nothing to worry about.

I hope he is OK

[Phoenixrainn]

Do you think it is an NT thing?

[Double Victory]

It's normal to think about things like that, especially if you're a logical person. People who are overly emotional might not be able to think about anything else, but I wouldn't want to be that kind of a person, personally. There's really no point in just worrying about your father if there's nothing you can do, so you might as well plan for all of the possibilities. Not that I'm saying you shouldn't worry about your father--just consider worrying in a productive way.

I was recently in a position where I had incredible waves of pain shooting through my stomach region.... but it turned out to be gas.... I hope your dad's situation ends up being equally as unimportant.

[mkay]

I love my Dad very much, but I must have serious issues. Because instead of think about how upset I would be if the unthinkable happened, I can only think of what would happen.

I don't think there's anything wrong with how you're reacting. Go easy on yourself. I hope your Dad recovers speedily.

[catd]

Do you think it is an NT thing?

Maybe. I have always been that way.

[Phoenixrainn]

Thanks for the kind thoughts guys. I appreciate it.

[Noehelia]

I was in a similar situation few weeks ago. There was going to be a surgery to a family member and I was thinking practical matters. I felt bad about it. But then I realized that the pain and the worry was inside me even though I did not think of it. It has to do also with realization. Although I could allow myself to think about the possibility of death and the practical implications I did not let myself to think about the emotions that I would have if the person actually died, the empty part that she would leave behind. Usually I worry for others when there is no particular danger around but this time that it was a danger highly likable in front of me I understand that me mind did not let me think of it because I couldn't cope with it. I needed my mind straight.

[sriv]

Thanks for the kind thoughts guys. I appreciate it.

It is okay if you consider the practical matters, but try to show him you care in some way.

[Szarra]

In every family crisis there needs to be a "rock". Someone who can think of the practical matters without letting an overload of emotion get in the way. Sounds like you have that well in hand. And as Sriv said try to show him you care in some way. Even something as simple as saying, "I'm here for you." can go a long way. Keep your chin up. I hope your father gets better quickly.

[ElstonGunn]

It can be difficult to imagine how you'd react to many situations unless they actually happen. And sometimes, even if if something does happen, it's not so much that it occurs at one exact moment, but rather that it happens over time. It's kind of like growing up. Aside form the legal aspect of it, there's never really a time that you can point to and say, "Yes, at noon on Tuesday, I became an adult." It's a gradual thing.

I had a similar thing happen to me recently. Yesterday, my mother got some test results back that she had been waiting for for a while. It turns out that her thyroid isn't very good (it's been acting up for a long time). There are pre-cancerous cells, but thyroid cancer is apparently a slow-moving one, so all they have to do is remove it, and she should be fine.

I must have seemed indifferent to the whole thing during the waiting period, but what could I do aside from hope for the best?

[hauteur]

I do hope everything works out with your Dad.

I believe everyone does this to varying degrees. You don't want to think about the pain that can come from bad things like that, so you don't if you can help it.

I think that we NTs get an extra helping of that. We aren't (at least I'm not) great at understanding or dealing with our feelings. So, I kill them in situations like this. What I've found though is if something really life threatening happens, I react completely differently. In actual crisis mode, I'm pretty cool and collected. But if you give me too much time to think about it, I get freaked out - this is when something really bad is happening, not might happen.

I'll give you an example from way back when. I was in Germany when my uncle died. We had always been pretty close. I was a little shook up when I first heard the news, but I was fine the whole day, on the flight back to the U.S., seeing my family, etc. Thirty seconds after I saw him... Everything hit me like a ton of bricks all at once.

Long story short, I wouldn't worry about it. It's a natural response.

[Phoenixrainn]

Ok, update. He had a scan done that showed his bowels were blocked because of scar tissue from his volvulus surgery he had apparently 5 years ago, although it doesn't feel that long ago. He has a tube that is sucking out all of the food and potentially anything else inside of him that is causing this blocking. Hopefully it will work itself out over the course of the day, but if it doesn't he is going to surgery again. Although we are trying to avoid that because we don't want more scar tissue build up.

So that is the story so far.