View Full Version : INTJ here dating an INTJ/ENTP

05-05-2008, 08:32 AM
I'm a pretty strong INTJ and I'm almost 25yrs old. My previous girlfriend was a couple months younger than myself and she was an ENFP. I dated her for almost 3 years, and lived with her for 1. It didn't work out, mostly because I just didn't see it working. And I mean working in that perfection sorta way(meaning I felt great and connected to another individual). That and there were a few deal breakers for me late in the relationship that i tried to work past but ended up not being able to. (belief in intelligent design, and a complete resistance to logic *about ID*)

So fast forward a little bit and now I have this woman in my life who's just turned 21. And as far as I can tell she's perfect. I had her take a personality test for shits and giggles, and she wound up scoring INTJ with a very weak I and a very weak J. I've read numerous things about how that relationship just can't work, but I can't explain enough just how much I love this girl.

What I'm asking is this; what kind of things are roadblocks in that sort of relationship? What are common problems, and what seems to be an effective way of dealing with them?

I'm not the typical INTJ either in terms of sociability. I'm quite good in a group of people. Hell dating an ENFP for 3 years taught me a lot about emotions and feelings. But as for that, everything else is pretty stone INTJ. I've just learned how to work in a group.... still would obviously prefer a small group of just my close friends but hey, almost all my friends are E's so its inevitable they'll drag me to a party.

I just feel great at the moment, because for once theres this girl in my life that listens to the ridiculous ideas in my head and then not only does she humor them, but she mulls them around in her head and spits out something equally interesting! They say INTJ women seek out other INTJ men, but not vice versa.... why is that?

*edit some grammar and clarification*

True Rune
05-05-2008, 05:10 PM
I didn't know that was a deal breaker.. I'm going to probably deal with this soon, I have a girlfriend (I don't know what type, she hasn't taken the test yet but I'm guessing E and T at least..) and I have to tell her I'm not sexual or really want to get married, I wonder how she'll deal with it. >_<; Do you know if she has faith, since that's an issue?

05-05-2008, 05:26 PM
She's atheist like myself. I am however very sexual, love having sex and experimenting finding new things to work with... and so is she.

Currently its a FANTASTIC relationship, granted i only see her every other weekend.

And just to clarify, people having faith doesn't bother me, but if I plan on getting married to a woman, she'd best not believe in a god thats spelled out in any of those holy books, christian, muslim, hindu, or jew, alike.

Either way, I'm not sure if dating an INTJ is actually a deal breaker I had just read somewhere that they don't normally get along together so well. But in my previous post when i meant deal breaker, i meant for my ex-girlfriend not my current GF, just in case you were confused.

05-05-2008, 07:38 PM
I really don't think it matters what they say about INTJ's clashing with each other in a relationship. Those musings are all too generalized and don't take into account individual personality. As long as both of you are willing to make compromises, keep working on the relationship, and both want similar things from a relationship and life in general I don't see what the problem could be. In fact I think INTJ's especially, would be most content in a relationship with another INTJ since we're all so picky/prissy in mainly the same ways.

05-07-2008, 10:21 AM
Thanks Parallel, I thought someone would say something almost exactly like that. Its just pretty much how I thought about the relationship, wanted to hear a second opinion on the matter.

The Psyentist
07-18-2009, 08:21 PM
Though it's been said an INTJ natural partner is the ENFP, I can say with most certainty it's not for me.

I think INTJs can fit well with INTJs (of course, this is usually not the way it goes). INTJs are a great personality type and great in relationships because of their desire for improvement. If it's worth it, they'll make it work. And they would deal with problems logically together. This makes the pairing seem much more reasonable. The duties and who will carry them out is the main hurdle. And that can be reasoned out as both have strengths in certain areas while still maintaining similarity.

I saw one website that only listed one fault, and it is probably the most ligament concern concerning INTJs together. It was a "sterile environment devoid of physical touch and emotion".

That seems more of a plus as far as I'm concerned...;)

12-06-2009, 06:23 AM
"The main problem with INTx/INTx relationship is that neither of them notices they're in a relationship".

Since you're past that, I'd say there's no need to worry based on something like personality type. If it works, then why create problems?

(I've substituted x for P and J, because it really goes for all combinations...)

12-06-2009, 11:37 AM
I saw one website that only listed one fault, and it is probably the most ligament concern concerning INTJs together. It was a "sterile environment devoid of physical touch and emotion".

That seems more of a plus as far as I'm concerned...;)

I don't know about that. I can be quite physically affectionate. It is only with a very small number of people though.

I imagine an INTJ/INTJ pairing could be quite a thrill and an extremely deep relationship. Add to that the fact that neither of you would feel the need to spend to much time with in-laws or other people and you would wouldn't need to explain your need for alone time. Sounds like bliss to me. I think it would even work with an INTP.