INTJ-INTJ relationship... yikes!

[brocaknows]

hi,

so i'm in a relationship with another intj. our arguments are ridiculous. neither of us will back down and we'll end up pissed off about something really small. i'll tell him something about myself, and he'll say that's very strange and unusual and then we'll argue over whether it is unusual or not for a while. it's tiresome really...

how do we communicate in a more empathetic way? we're both stubborn and analytical.

have any of you been in an intj-intj relationship? how'd it go?

-broca

[onlyparallel]

I used to be in an INTJ-INTJ friendship, and though we argued alll the time we never were over the top and always respected each other's points of veiw. I thikn the best way to deal with your lack of empathetic commmunication is to start with yourself and try to see things from your partner's perspective. From there you should discuss with them that they need to be more respectful of your veiws. Other than that I don't think there's much you can do. Both of you have to be wiling to back down 50% of the time or it probably won't work.

[eclecticjoker]

I suppose you should both agree not to argue over abstracts. It's incredibly difficult to "just not argue" over practical matters, but when it comes to ideas, just discuss. It's sort of a different frame of mind. Pretend you're an anthropologist that's trying to experience your partner's culture.

:)

Crack might help with that.

[azelismia]

That's one of the best parts of INTJ INTJ, You're both getting actually upset over these debates?? Are you sure it's not INFJ INFJ?

[eclecticjoker]

INTJs are very pissy creatures. We get irritated over everything.

[azelismia]

INTJs are very pissy creatures. We get irritated over everything.


"We" is a very bold word for you to use. I am an intj too you know and I don't get pissy over everything. From what I've read of other intj's here, I am not the only one who doesn't get irritated or pissy over things.

[robolizard55]

azelismia- I'm with you on this one.

I would say my general theme of rarely (almost never) getting pissy or irritated has been one of the things that most people do not comprehend at all. I am very 'level' with my emotions. It freaked out an ex-gf to no end. She would get angry at me for not getting angry when she was yelling at me for one thing or another. I wonder if it would have made her more upset if I started yelling back...

[errrzarrr]

INTJs are very pissy creatures. We get irritated over everything.

yeh! I am there. About ALMOST everything, in my case.-

[TeleportThis]

hi,

so i'm in a relationship with another intj. our arguments are ridiculous. neither of us will back down and we'll end up pissed off about something really small. i'll tell him something about myself, and he'll say that's very strange and unusual and then we'll argue over whether it is unusual or not for a while. it's tiresome really...

how do we communicate in a more empathetic way? we're both stubborn and analytical.

have any of you been in an intj-intj relationship? how'd it go?

-broca

Sounds familiar...it didn't work out. It wasn't so much arguing but being incredibly competitive with each other, which got really tiring. We couldn't go bowling or play darts or anything without it getting incredibly intense, instead of just having a good time. I don't know for sure that he was an intj though, just my suspicion. Go with an infj, so much better.

[Vivid]

After a while, avoiding arguments gets easier. I would just wait and let maturity from the experience set in.

[sriv]

I never got into it, but I think it would be fun friendly relationship. I am a fan of learning, so I think it would end up an intellectual relationship with some arguing. Arguing is always mutual in benefit, and I only take the good from it. Nothing personal, the NT motto. Compromise can be established depending on context. I do not think a romantic relationship can work. Too much extremity in there.

I too do not easily get annoyed, unless it is physical annoyance.

[fonmaneal]

There is no way, I annoy myself sometimes. Give me a crazy ENTP or ETNP anyday.

[Jakalwarrior]

Step one smooth communication... learn to NOT attack the other person. The other person screwed up when he told you something about you was strange. If he would have said uncommon and interesting it would have went differently. You have to know somone really well before you can be so critical.

Just avoid attacking and the debate goes much better. It actually works in all communication where your goal isnt a fight.

[Lemmiwinks]

That's one of the best parts of INTJ INTJ, You're both getting actually upset over these debates?? Are you sure it's not INFJ INFJ?

Brava!

I love a good argument! In fact, whenever someone around me makes an assertion, I will take the opposite side and shred that person. It is most fun when the person I am annihilating is arguing a position that I agree with.

Your arguments sound fine - you have an equal, and the two of you argue without a clear victor or something you can agree upon. Socrates would consider you failures, but I appreciate your mutual affirmation of will and ego over normal peoples' need to please others by compromising to a position that is not really acceptable to either.

Where this breaks down is you both getting upset after the argument. Your emotions are trumping your intellect - very INFJish of you.