Guys who have mostly girl friends

[TheLastMohican]

The tables have been turned, Fej. :sneaky:

What are your thoughts on these guys who have mostly girl friends?
Do other guys shun them? If so, why?
Are they necessarily effeminate?
Why do people assume that they are gay?
And to address the same question that Fej was concerned with: Are they dateable and trustworthy?

[ElstonGunn]

Quantitatively, most of my friends are male. Males are good for sitting around and shooting the breeze. They're easier for me to get along with (maybe as a result of general gender communication styles). If you see me out and about, I'm probably by myself, but if I'm with people, they're probably males. And if there is a female in the group, she's probably attached to one of the males in a two-for-one package deal. They also tend to have better taste in music, booze, and movies. (Yes, yes, that's my opinion. I know.)

Qualitatively, I'd say that I probably have more female friendship than male friendship. In the four instances in my life where I wanted advice (not a literal number ;)), I've tended to get it from women. Of course, most of the times that I ask for it's advice, it's some permutation of "What the hell is wrong with this entire gender of yours?" So that probably plays a factor. On the other hand, they're more likely to ask me for advice than men are. And who doesn't like bossing people around-- I mean... uh, helping people out?

[mkay]

I know one guy who has mostly women friends. He's metrosexual, in his 50s. He's also on his third marriage and is self-absorbed and immature. He's attractive enough, but not even slightly my type, not if he were the last guy anywhere. I know him from a work setting, so we have that in common. We keep in touch through the occasional email now that I've moved. If he didn't email from time to time, I don't know that I would keep in touch. It's hard for me to respect someone who's immature.

[rwyatt365]

Based on my completely refutable opinion, with a sample size of one, I offer the following;

What are your thoughts on these guys who have mostly girl friends?
They are exceptionally lucky and I envy them terribly simply because they are surrounded by women..
Do other guys shun them? If so, why?
Some do, but only those that are envious and stupid. Others (like me) want to be near them to catch any "fall out", or "strays".
Are they necessarily effeminate?
Not necessarily, but some are and that's why women feel safe around them.
Why do people assume that they are gay?
Because they can't figure out why all of those hot women want to be with them, so they chalk it up to his being gay (see above).
And to address the same question that Fej was concerned with: Are they dateable and trustworthy?
Dateable? Sure, why not. Trustworthy? Is any man trustworthy?
There, I've said the things that many of your were thinking but were being too PC to write "out loud". Actually, I don't care if the guy with loads of women friends/acquaintances is, or isn't gay. All I care about is that he is depleting the resource pool for the "socially challanged" individuals. Those guys should rent out "seat time" to the other males to level the playing field.






JUST KIDDING!! Don't you folks have a sense of humor!

[Capwolf]

They're all sluts. ;)

It's just a matter of compatibility and chance. Some people find women easier to get along with, some find men easier to get along with, and it doesn't necessarily have anything to do with that person's own gender. If you think you can't trust someone because he's surrounded by women, the same advice applies as in the other thread: either you need to tone down your ridiculous jealousy, or you need to evaluate how important fidelity is to you. Only dicks insist that their partners cut ties with their friends.

[Hdier]

What are your thoughts on these guys who have mostly girl friends?

I am incredibly jealous of them. Personally, I'd fit in better with the average girl than boy, but I don't hang out with them mainly because it would attract to much attention to myself and I stink at making friends.

Do other guys shun them? If so, why?

Yes. They're different. I have an opinion lower than I used to think was humanly possible about the bigotry and stereotypism of America, but I won't go any further than that so that the thread won't be derailed.

Are they necessarily effeminate?

No, but they usually don't look masculine. I suspect that this is because of peer presure on the more masculine looking males. Also, I think that there might be a link between masculinity and testosterone, so they'd be less feminine minded and less likely to have girls who are real friends.

Why do people assume that they are gay?

They're different, so people need to give them some sort of label, and it does make sense with twisted and inaccurate logic (unfortunately, the kind America tends to use; see my comment two questions above).

And to address the same question that Fej was concerned with: Are they dateable and trustworthy?

Don't know; I only have enough experience with one of them to make a judgment, and that isn't enough of a pool. The only other one who I see a lot I can never talk to because he's rather attractive...

[xanodel]

a)What are your thoughts on these guys who have mostly girl friends?
A: Know a couple, I'm alright with them. Some guys just like hanging out with girls more, just as some girls prefer hanging out with guys. Maybe they don't hang out that much with guys because they don't care as much about football or other sports or "manly man" pursuits. Doesn't necessarily decrease their masculinity in my world.

b)Do other guys shun them? If so, why?
A: From what I've seen, it depends. When they're shunned it's usually because of jealousy, competitiveness and jockeying, and the guy not being "man" enough. I'm not sure why, but I don't necessarily see a man's ability to shoot a deer and drag a carcass across my lawn as "masculine." Maybe masculine only in the Tarzan sense of the word? But also I think an issue of confidence-because the guy who has the female friends may be just more innately confident around women, which other guys may wish to be but usually can't measure up as quickly nor easily.

c) Are they necessarily effeminate?
A: From personal experience, no. Some are metrosexual, some are not. I've ran across both types. Then again, is metrosexual necessarily effeminate?Again, what's the definition of masculinity? Does it involve gun totting, beer guzzling, crude language, and cavemenesque behavior? If it's just an issue of confidence in being who you are, then if the guys hanging out with the girls are confident in themselves, wouldn't that make them quite masculine?

4) Why do people assume that they are gay?
A: Just 'cuse. Mainstream mentality is having girl friends=effeminate=gay. Interchangeable both ways.

5) And to address the same question that Fej was concerned with: Are they dateable and trustworthy?
A: I would trust them the same degree as I would trust any guy, meaning he'll be observed under a fine tuned microscope. Yes, they're dateable; and in my case, I probably will be chummy with all of his female friends too.

[Antares]

What are your thoughts on these guys who have mostly girl friends?
Do other guys shun them? If so, why?
Are they necessarily effeminate?
Why do people assume that they are gay?
And to address the same question that Fej was concerned with: Are they dateable and trustworthy?

1. Who they have for friends doesn't bother me; as long as they're sufficiently masculine to bear. And that doesn't include someone who would sing god forsaken Mandy Moore in English class.

2. I don't think other guys shun them, but other guys do seem less enthusiastic to talk when confronted with one.

3. While many of them aren't as 'masculine', they aren't even close to making me hurl. Many of them are very mild and easy-going fellows anyone would love, and I'm good friends wth some of them.

4. Because some people think: "If they hang out with girls, they should see girls as an average guy would see a fellow male. Thus they like males."

5. They're trustworthy and dateable; I like some of them a lot (not as crushes or anything).

[lordrrr]

My friend once told me bros before hoes is a universal truth.



I responded with "What if you're gay?"


I'm not sure if this is on topic, just thought I'd share.

[PRBori]

Just answering the first question...

I personally have more MALE friends than GIRL friends. For some reason I tend to get along better with men than with women. I'm not much into girly talk. In addition, the career field I'm in is mainly men, so my job requires that I deal with 99.9% male population...

Now, would that mean that IF I had a person in my life I would cheat or he should feel insecure about our relationship? Certainly NOT, my men is my men, there is a big difference between a friend and the men in my life. I have the uptmost respect for my men as long as he does the same, and FULL TRUST as long as he doesn't give me a reason to doubt. That said if my men had mainly GIRL friends I wouldn't mind at all as long as he was straight in the relationship.

Therefore classifying a girl based on the fact that most of the friends are MALE to be an inappropriate partner is not right. The bottom line is what you feel inside, can you trust her? can you put up with her attitude towards her friends? I think it is a personal decision to be made based on what you can see as an acceptable behavior.

In my side, whoever is with me will need to understand that I'm among men 99.9% of my time and because of such I have more MALE friends than female friends. He will need to have FULL TRUST and understand how things are.

[Motor Jax]

i'm a guy that feels pretty comfortable around chicks. the estimate is, out of every 10 friends i have, 8 of them is going to be chicks

i think they find comfort in talking to me, and in no way am i feminite. but i am also not a muscle-bound freak either. i'm 5'8", 185 lbs. and i dress usually in jeans, t-shirt, budweiser ballcap, and sometimes wear my leather jacket.

i'm comfortable around them, and i don't mind being surrounded by them. i'm more the friend with them than anything.

usually, i find quite a few of them very, very attractive but it turns more into a bonding friendship more than anything else

like this 22 asian chick that wears these sleek dresses that accents her body (very, very well), and at 5'4", 110 lbs she is pretty damn hot. and maybe at first when i seen her, i would have definitely loved to... but now, our relationship is more on a talking friendship term than anything. that doesn't mean that i still don't see her as stunning beautiful, but i am more for moral support and comfort with the ladies

there are quite a few more, but yeah

i have more chick friends than guy friends

of course, it doesn't mean that i exclude hangin' out with the guys

but when i need someone to talk to, it would usually be a chick

[lordrrr]

I'm male and definantly have more male friends than girl friends (who are just, you know, "friends" and nothing more). I have a couple girls who are friends though, but mostly I don't think girls are as much fun to be around then guys, unless your dating said girl.

[Feng]

What are your thoughts on these guys who have mostly girl friends?

I am one, although less so now than I used to be.

Xanodel basically stated one of the first things to pop into my head when reading the first post of this thread (sports), except my lack of interest in football also alienates me from many Southern girls as well (tending to refer to soccer as football doesn't help any). My interests tend to be more toward the "geeky" side, and I originally grew up in a very rural area with few who shared similar interests (male interests were more toward things such as hunting and ball-based sports). This meant I shared few primarily "male" interests, although water-related "sports" were an exception to this.

As for now, I tend to view guys as more loyal and dependable, in general, and girls as easier to hold conversations with in a more open manner... again, in general. Personally, I don't really seek advice (including "girl advice") or emotional support from even the females I am closer to. Actually... I believe I may also be more prone to hold long non-debate-like conversations with the girls/women of #intj as well (less debate-like and/or random fun... more topic/conversation-like). This was before I solidly knew their gender, I believe.

Do other guys shun them? If so, why?

PEOPLE shun me!... or I shun them. Either way.

Are they necessarily effeminate?

Can be, but certainly not necessarily. Too many possible variations.

Example of odd/unusual variations I thought of after seeing this thread:
Most girls I spend time around are Is and split between Js and Ps, whereas most guys I spend time around are more E-ish (perhaps not E, but noticably closer to it) and Ps. A majority of Fs in both cases, although notably more Ts on the female side. Also, the girls I spend time around tend to be more opinionated, knowledge-seeking, "hot-blooded" (tempermental), and career-oriented/goal-oriented than the general female population (meaning a combination, not that they tend to have all four traits). Also, guys I spend time around tend to be either equal to my age or younger, whereas girls I spend time around tend to be several years older than me (4 years older and up).

In other words, just because the majority of my friends are female does not mean they are going to fit the stereotype which would help bring the "effeminate" question into play (such as assuming a "rubbing off" of stereotypical female traits). Also, I find it a bit funny that enjoying female company, even of a non-romantic/non-sexual sort, could be considered as "necessarily effeminate."

Why do people assume that they are gay?

People must be talking behind my back... although I do agree on the comments of jealousy/envy/whatever from other guys in the past, which I still don't truly get.

And to address the same question that Fej was concerned with: Are they dateable and trustworthy?

As for prone-ness to cheating, I consider this both true and untrue of having friends primarily of the opposite gender. Let's say two people breakup. One or both of them might "rebound" with a friend, seeking security... as one example. It is an innocent example, but it illustrates that simply having members of the opposite sex you trust around you would at least mean having someplace to go (key word: opportunity). I fail to see the problem with this though, and I also fail to see how quantity affects the level of opportunity.

Here is the thing: If they would cheat on you with (or leave you for) someone from this group of friends, they'd probably (eventually) cheat on you or leave you later anyway. Be thankful that you have an additional way to "test" them, and that it would tend to simply let you know what you had in your hands sooner than later. I see no point in being jealous about the possibility, because it is there anyway. This is all assuming a somewhat serious or potentially serious relationship. Otherwise... why would you care anyway?

[lampmeister]

Interesting conversation here.

I'm a 36 year old, male, single, INTJ and would consider myself quite self aware and mature. I just find that I seem to get along better with women. Generally they're easier to talk with, more understanding, more emotionally self-aware, far less judgemental (I don't mean in the Myers-Briggs sense!), appreciate my qualities and humour and help me to learn and grow far more than my male friends. Approx 75% of the numbers in my mobile phone are of of female friends. Some I have dated in the past, some are friends of friends, some I lived/studied with at university. I guess I'm just not very good at drinking beer, playing pool and talking football.

[Edit] I'm not gay or effeminate in any way, in fact I look very "masculine" (well muscled, shaved head). This means that I can go to any bar and seem to have the respect of the other guys but to be honest 99.9% of the time they bore me senseless! On the other hand at a creative writing class I'm mentally engaged, learning, growing and checking out the girls. Perfect!

[Kfbr]

I'm one of those guys in the OP :cool:

What are your thoughts on these guys who have mostly girl friends?

Girls are cleaner and more fun to be around. Plus you have something to look at.

Do other guys shun them? If so, why?

I hope so, more for me.

Are they necessarily effeminate?

Nope, I fart a lot in front of them.

Why do people assume that they are gay?

Jealous

And to address the same question that Fej was concerned with: Are they dateable and trustworthy?

I sure am. I prefer the company of women and usually if I get into a relationship the girl is with me when I go out, so no biggie. I don't sleep around.

[True Rune]

I don't necessarily have more girl friends but rather I get along better with women, I don't really have many friends at all, but that's typical of an INTJ, right?
What are your thoughts on these guys who have mostly girl friends? Well, if they're not asexual like me, they probably like many of those girls.
Do other guys shun them? If so, why? I don't know.
Are they necessarily effeminate? No.
Why do people assume that they are gay? I wouldn't unless they had the accent.
And to address the same question that Fej was concerned with: Are they dateable and trustworthy? I don't know.

[lordrrr]

What are your thoughts on these guys who have mostly girl friends?
They annoy me


Do other guys shun them? If so, why?
IDK, I don't really pay attention.


Are they necessarily effeminate?
I guess so


Why do people assume that they are gay?
Because they are, they just havn't realized it yet (or maybe they have)

And to address the same question that Fej was concerned with: Are they dateable and trustworthy?
With other guys, maybe.

[fonmaneal]

I have mostly female friends, the're usually much more interesting to be talked at( I can only talk when there catching their breath). For the most part they are much less one dimensional then most males.

I don't think I'm shuned.

I don't ever recall being call effeminate. ( hunt, fish, pistol comp., kayak,ect......)

In my experiances, gay men have more male friends.

Go figure.

[dsday]

What are your thoughts on these guys who have mostly girl friends?

Um... good, I guess. I find myself in the company of more girls than guys on a regular basis. When I count friends, more of them are girls (or were until maybe really recently). I think it is partly a function of where I go to college (3:1 girl to guy ratio here) and partly is a function is that I feel more comfortable talking to a girl than I do to most guys about a lot of things.

Do other guys shun them? If so, why?

Um, I guess you'd have to ask everyone around me. :)

Are they necessarily effeminate?

Hell no!

Why do people assume that they are gay?

I don't think anyone assumes I'm gay. Although, the situation I'm in is relatively common on campus, so it is really not out of the ordinary.

And to address the same question that Fej was concerned with: Are they dateable and trustworthy?

I think I'm trustworthy, but my dating record is pretty blank (mostly because I'm just uninterested in most of the people on campus). :undecided:

[lordrrr]

In my experiances, gay men have more male friends.


No.


Some doctor or psycologist on gay men reported that gay men are attracted to other men only sexually and prefer having female friends.


Go figure.

[sriv]

Gay men probably feel uncomfortable around other men just as straight men sometimes feel uncomfortable around women when flirting. A confidant is someone who shares the same alignment as you and you can trust as a third party. Gay men have women confidants.

[Aurelia]

The tables have been turned, Fej. :sneaky:

What are your thoughts on these guys who have mostly girl friends?
Do other guys shun them? If so, why?
Are they necessarily effeminate?
Why do people assume that they are gay?
And to address the same question that Fej was concerned with: Are they dateable and trustworthy?

It depends. There was one ENTJ friend of mine that had many friends that were girls (but he also had a close knit group of guy friends too). He was not feminine or metrosexual in any way to me. He just has a very outgoing and attractive personality. Had I not known him well before dating him, trust would definitely be an issue.

There are other men that I know of who had only friends that were women and they were extremely feminine. Sometimes more feminine than the female friends he had. So, in that case, I would assume that he were gay.

[changos]

I get along more with guys as we being the same gender can understand a lot of things with easy between each other, but as far as a friendship: nobody. The closest thing is with girls.

My behavior as INTJ (even if people complained) resulted somehow attractive to girls (they could talk to me, I didn't stalked nobody or tried to seduce...) so pretty often girls see in me somebody with values worth trusting. This lead to problems with groups of friends: I'm not a handsome guy but my friends hate how bad they try to reach girls while I try to hide myself... and I'm usually the one they call or want to talk to.

Usually everybody who wants to be alone will be seek out I think.

[jesse]

What are your thoughts on these guys who have mostly girl friends?
Do other guys shun them? If so, why?
Are they necessarily effeminate?
Why do people assume that they are gay?
And to address the same question that Fej was concerned with: Are they dateable and trustworthy?

Friends are friends are friends. Gender or other qualities mean zilch if you can trust and bear one another over an extended period of time. I am male but for some reason, most of my current acquaintances and close friends are mostly female. My reasoning is that the majority of students in the past years have been female, and they generally have a much more mature world view. There are times I seem to have nothing in common with the other dudes since their life evolves around getting hammered and getting laid too often.

Whether someone is shunned, wouldn't know because I don't take a strong interest in many people.

Of those that I've seen spend most of their time around women, you see a bit of everything. Some have been very clearly been effeminate, perhaps even homosexual because they certainly have behaved more like women than men and demonstrated a strong affinity toward the vain and the superficial. What you do see less of are males who are relaxed and themselves around women, ie not out to get them because they are sexually attracted.

I get labeled as a homosexual every so often and I just don't see the correlation. "Must be gay because most of his friends are female" is nonsensical.

Dateable and trustworthy do not necessarily go hand in hand.

[AutisticCuckoo]

I am one of those men, so I may perhaps answer the questions from a different perspective. :)

1) Do other guys shun them? If so, why?
Not that I've noticed.

2) Are they necessarily effeminate?
LOL! I think 'effeminate' is probably the last word anyone would use to describe me. :)

3) Why do people assume that they are gay?
Perhaps because women are relaxed in our presence, not seeing us a threat?

4) Are they dateable and trustworthy?[/QUOTE]
I don't seem to be dateable, but I know I'm considered trustworthy.

[44sunsets]

[INDENT]Because they can't figure out why all of those hot women want to be with them, so they chalk it up to his being gay (see above).


Usually a guy with almost exclusively female friends is either:

1) gay
2) a true Casanova who is sleeping with all these women (unlikely)
3) a complete wussbag who women use to vent and coredump their frustrations to regarding their boyfriends etc. He is secrely hoping to sleep with his female friends, but alas, that is never going to happen.

But really, most popular ladies' men will have pretty equal numbers of male and female friends. It's fairly obvious.

Here's a tip to single straight men: don't be your female friend's therapist. As soon as she starts core dumping all the emotional baggage about her jerk boyfriend or ex-boyfriend etc, stop her right there and walk away. You don't want her to associate you in her mind with all these negative emotions.

Besides, you aren't her girlfriend. Don't emasculate yourself. It's not your job to listen to the world's problems.

Remember guys: if she rings you up at 3am in the morning to talk about the problems she's having with her boyfriend, you are *not* in the running to get into her pants.

Besides, mature women wouldn't expose their male friends to this sort of rubbish and torture anyway.


I don't seem to be dateable, but I know I'm considered trustworthy.

You're stuck in the LJBF (Let's Just Be Friends) zone.

A confidant is someone who shares the same alignment as you and you can trust as a third party. Gay men have women confidants.

Bingo! And straight women often have gay men confidants. Makes sense.

[abski83]

Hmm..

Well, I just took a summer class and I met this guy (my friend) who mostly have girl friends. In fact, he's the only guy in class who really didn't hang out with the other guys.

Yes, the guys shunned him because I think they assume he's gay. They make fun of him all the time.
(My friend acknowledges that he really has a hard time dealing with the other guys...)

Yes, my friend is effeminate.

I'm not sure he's dateable (who's to say?) but he is trustworthy. He has become one of my good friends in a short span of time.


Another male friend, also effeminate... but he wasn't made fun of.
Dateable? I'm not sure. I can't say. He is trustworthy.

And yet another one, not effeminate. He's not made fun of, either.
He has a gf. He is trustworthy. He's one of my closest friends.

[ElstonGunn]

Usually a guy with almost exclusively female friends is either:

1) gay
2) a true Casanova who is sleeping with all these women (unlikely)
3) a complete wussbag who women use to vent and coredump their frustrations to regarding their boyfriends etc. He is secrely hoping to sleep with his female friends, but alas, that is never going to happen.

Not all men are interested in notching up their bedposts. Don't perpetuate that stereotype, please. If my masculinity and heterosexuality rest solely on whether or not I'm a sex-obsessed manwhore, then I suppose I'll have to go pick out new kitchen curtains with my boyfriend tomorrow afternoon.

[curiousjane]

Not all men are interested in notching up their bedposts. Don't perpetuate that stereotype, please. If my masculinity and heterosexuality rest solely on whether or not I'm a sex-obsessed manwhore, then I suppose I'll have to go pick out new kitchen curtains with my boyfriend tomorrow afternoon.

You're my hero. Oh, the vicious rhetoric. The bold morality. The biting humor.

*standing ovation*

[TheLastMohican]

I might as well respond to my own thread...

I find it difficult to apply this to myself, because when I think about it, I realize that I don't have what most would consider "friends." There are of course people that I know and see on a regular basis, but I do not socialize with them remotely as much as they do with each other. I only see them when we are participating in some common activity (usually an academic competition/practice). Therefore I have very few significant conversations with them, and I would consider them occasional acquaintances rather than friends.

That said, when I talk, it is almost always to the males. It is just habit at this point. Considering my circle of acquaintances, I probably would not get along much better with the males than with the females; they would probably be about the same. But since I don't have a desire to socialize with either group, it is hard to determine whether I would be more likely to form friendships with males or females.

It occurred to me that on the forums I have more female "friends" than male. But this is an INTJ forum, and I think the personality type matters much more than the gender, so that doesn't help.

You're my hero. Oh, the vicious rhetoric. The bold morality. The biting humor.

*standing ovation*

Seconded!

[SirJac]

1) What are your thoughts on these guys who have mostly girl friends?

No thoughts, don't particularly care. I'll admit I fall into that group of guys who have mostly female friends. In my though experience the reason why girls like particular guys as friends can vary widely and not all of them are envyable.

2)Do other guys shun them? If so, why?

Sometimes. usually it comes down to an issue of respect though. They are not shunned beacuse they have femle friends, they are shunned because guys don't respect them. The two don't go hand in hand, so it's really a spereate issue that can be resolved if the individual in question puts the effort into improving their public image.

3)Are they necessarily effeminate?

That is rather obsurd in my opinion. Why would women prefer to have effeminate male friends? Most women that I know would find that a flaw rather then a perk and so would prefer to have male friends that are not effeminate. Of course there will be women that like the idea of having a guy friend that is as feminine as they are, but they are most likely the minority.

4)Why do people assume that they are gay?

It's an easy answer to a question they don't really understand. The basis of any of my friendships with women is trust. As long as they feel safe around you, then a normal, functional friendship is possible. Most guys don't seem to be able to establish that trust for a variety of reasons. So instead of accepting the possibility that their "bad luck" with women in comparison with guys like myself is somehow related to an aspect of their character, it's easier to just label me as gay.

5)And to address the same question that Fej was concerned with: Are they dateable and trustworthy?

Whether they are datable is a different question but if they are establishing friendships on the basis of trust and respect, then the question of whether they are trustworthy has already been established.

As for myself, I find that most of my friends are female simply because the competitive side of males often inhibits friendships. It is difficult to build a friendship with someone that you see as competition, even if the other don't see you as the same. This can be a little self re-enforcing though, as women become attracted to the fact that I am secure with myself and feel no need to compete with other guys for alpha position. This results in me attaining alpha position by default through their increased interest in me and further fuels the need for guys to compete with me.

[niffer]

The tables have been turned, Fej. :sneaky:

What are your thoughts on these guys who have mostly girl friends?
Do other guys shun them? If so, why?
Are they necessarily effeminate?
Why do people assume that they are gay?
And to address the same question that Fej was concerned with: Are they dateable and trustworthy?

I have an INFJ friend I've known for over a decade, who's circle of friends consists entirely of females. He used to get picked on for being gay all the time when he was younger, but he is definitely straight. This is because not only does he act pretty feminine, he is SUPER skinny and has a high-pitched voice, on top of being surrounded by girls all the time. He doesn't really hang out or talk to other guys because he's just not interested in the same manly stuff most guys are. His favourite hobbies include cooking/baking, and cleaning. The sports that he is skilled in are badminton and tennis. Seriously, when I go to his house and we cook dinner together it's like I'm the daddy figure and he's the mommy figure (by the way he's an Enneagram 2w3 type as well...and I'm an 8w9 so you can see how it works out like this LOL). He always compliments me on my muscles and strength. He'd make a pretty cute girl I guess.

I've known him for way too long, but I think he'd make a good boyfriend.
(He'd make a better mother though.)

[PRBori]

The tables have been turned, Fej. :sneaky:

What are your thoughts on these guys who have mostly girl friends?

I see no issues with men who have mostly women friends. I personally do not have many female friends. If he is my men I expect him to respect me and be direct at all times.

Do other guys shun them? If so, why?

I'm not sure of a men perspective

Are they necessarily effeminate?

I don't think that a men is effeminated simply because he hangs around girls... although I would hope is not all the time otherwise who knows.

Why do people assume that they are gay?

I find it hard to believe that someone will consider a men gay simply for hanging around girls...unless he shows some sort of feminine side such as being sensible, not wanting to do normal men jobs or something like that.

And to address the same question that Fej was concerned with: Are they dateable and trustworthy?

Again it depends on the foundation of the relationship. Is all about Trust and Respect. If a couple can understand each other, is open minded, are brutally honest... and I really mean brutally honest about the relationship then I see no issues.

I know because this is something happening to me at this point. The person I'm kind of seeing has mainly female friends and I work 99.9% of my time with men so we both have a mutual agreement and understanding. To me men is men, they will always find someone else attracted and are prone to falling into adultery anytime... but it is the foundation that can help keep that from happening.

[Enkidu]

What are your thoughts on these guys who have mostly girl friends?
Well most of my friends are girls, my best friend since I was 2 is a girl and we still hang out and go to the pub. Then again, she's not the stereotypical girly girl but I ain't the typical manly man either.

Do other guys shun them? If so, why?
Some do but most don't, most of my male friends are in a similar boat to myself, despise football and the inane talk of sport beer and how many women you've done. I prefer real conversation and whether the person providing it is male or female is a secondary concern
Any guys that do shun me because I can even talk with girls is usually because they wouldn't even know where to start

Are they necessarily effeminate?
I doubt it, I've been called many things but effeminate ain't one of them, kinda hard to be called effeminate when you're this hairy.

Why do people assume that they are gay?
Possibly because some are, however one guy I know who has mostly female friends is self-admittedly homophobic. Ironic I suppose since I'm his one close male friend and happily bisexual.
People probably just assume they're gay because they get on well with women without any (obvious) sexual motive. If they can't talk to women without it being about sex they'll assume any guy who can must be gay

And to address the same question that Fej was concerned with: Are they dateable and trustworthy?
Well I'd like to think I'm trustworthy and dateable but I'd have to ask someone else, I ain't really impartial on that one


And, ElstonGunn, nice! :laugh:

[schwartzie]

At almost every time of my life I've had a small handful of 1 to 4 women friends with whom I'm very tight--that are my lifelines, with whom I can share anything, and for whom I would do anything. When I have been NOT married, I've also always had a peripheral group of guys that are my friends--with whom I share the every day stuff.

Men are just really easy to be around. No competition, no need to engage in socially acceptable, mindless "girl" activity.

They have almost all been geeks--who were not into traditional mindless male social activity (professional sports! ick) I'm pretty sure they have all been xNxx, probably more Is and Es, all smart and all with great good senses of humor, and mostly female-friendly (not gender-ignorant-but even this isn't universal, so long as they're openminded and easy-going.) Even when married, I've managed to have a couple "safe" male friends--guys who, like me, were a parent of a kid in some sport or activity, and so, the male/female relationship wasn't threatening to his or my spouse.

1. Do guys shun them? Haven't seen that.

2. effeminate? No.

3. why do people assume they are gay? They don't....

4. dateable and trustworthy? Absolutely, if they are available. But the caveat for the female "friend" is that, of course, you lose the friendship; it is almost impossible to salvage a friendship once there's a romantic/sexual attraction piece to it.





schwartzie added to this post, 25 minutes and 26 seconds later...

Well most of my friends are girls
...my male friends are in a similar boat to myself, despise football and the inane talk of sport beer and how many women you've done. ...and ... kinda hard to be called effeminate when you're this hairy.Yay--you sound like a real guy who might be fun to do stuff with.And, ElstonGunn, nice! :laugh:Yes! Elston wins! Huggle!

[callmemigs]

No.


Some doctor or psycologist on gay men reported that gay men are attracted to other men only sexually and prefer having female friends.


Go figure.

WOW, not that I'm guilty of being gay (as if there's something wrong with that either) but that was the most splendid example of bigotry I had ever came across in this forum.

Go figure.

[Harmony]

I've always had more guy friends than girl friends, and most of my guy friends have a lot of girl friends as well.

For me, it's just easier to be around the guys... I can talk about sports and cars and not get that "What the hell is wrong with you look?" I can say "Hey, want to go shoot some hoops?" And not get the "I might break a nail," response. :p

I don't have to worry about guys asking me to go shopping with them. <cringes> I hate it when my girl friends want me to go... It's ends up being two hours of torture...

And I'm the opposite of schwartzie, sort of, I am competitive. :) So far the guys struggle to beat me at darts, pool, and basketball. :p I like the competition. But I think I understand what you meant by competition, hence my "sort of" comment in there. :)

[boldbidder]

Generally speaking I don't get the whole male with predominantly female friends and vice versa. Most of that stems from one of my very narrow criteria that defines a friend; would you EVER have sex with them? If you're hetero then that probably nullifies alot of would be friends. In my case I only a lil more than handful of friends total only one of which (save for my sister) is female and we've known each since grade school so I view her like a sister in that regard. It's not really a big deal, I'm all for whatever floats folks' respective boats, I personally just don't get it.

[Indubitably]

I'd say the vast majority of my friends are of the female persuasion, and I don't really have many issues with being considered too effeminate. Granted, I don't really care either way what people think of me, so I probably am perceived as slightly more effeminate than the average male, who avoids anything he thinks is effeminate like the plague.

At any rate, yeah, dressing well and not being afraid to wear pink or something from time to time probably scares off the least perceptive of the SJs or something, but I would rather not bother with that sort anyway, so it all works out. I really never got why men are so paralyzed by the thought of being associated with women or anything effeminate; if anything I have met more romantically interested girls because I have so many female friends.

PS: I should probably also note that I am not the sort to bother dating a woman who I don't consider a friend, and I don't draw a very significant distinction between girlfriends and friends who are girls. They are essentially the same with the exception of the fact that your girlfriend is probably your closest friend, with whom you happen to also have sex.

[playthestatic]

I know one guy like this, he's an ESFP. He is typically surrounded by girls, and we used to make fun of him, calling him a 'sorority queen'. My thoughts on him: I think he's constantly surrounded by girls because he's adorable, physically and personality-wise and completely oblivious to it. He's never had a girlfriend in his life, although he's straight and a very much hormonal teenager. I think it's because he's so close to so many girls that he doesn't really know how to take things to 'the next level' with a girl - plus, he thinks he's fat, ugly and stupid. I do think he's 'dateable', although he could do with a great deal more confidence and a bit more emotional maturity, and I think he's too trustworthy for his own good, in that he's terrified of hurting people's feelings and causing offense that he tends to neglect his own needs and feelings.

People probably assume guys like this are gay because they're able to have a number of close relationships with girls (some of which tend to be attractive), yet do not (apparently) see the need to get romantic with any one of them. No, they are not necessarily effeminate, although they do have to have a kind of understanding and tolerance of female behaviour, which would have allowed them to develop close relationships with girls.

[Zilal]

My instinct warns me away from guys who have only female friends. I think I'd assume they are effeminate--not necessarily in look or even in action, but in how they dealt with their own feelings. I'd assume they were more thin-skinned or needed more support.

[Shoeless]

What are your thoughts on these guys who have mostly girl friends?

Kinda indifferent to it. Whatever floats their boat.

Do other guys shun them? If so, why?

There seems to be 3 typical responses that guys have towards males who have mostly female friends;

- Hostile towards guys who have mostly girl friends initially. This is due to the fact that no man likes a potential rival for the attentions of a woman. The better looking his girl friends are, the more hostile these guys will be towards him, and thus, shun him. If his girl friends are nothing much to look at, these guys won't even be hostile towards him.

- Indifferent towards guys who have mostly girl friends.

- If the male in question behaves like an alpha male, some guys may try to 'follow' him, in the hopes of learning how to attract women. Or they may wish to have more female friends, and hang out with the alpha male, increasing their chances of meeting women.

Are they necessarily effeminate?

No, that's just a stereotype. Having more female friends does not necessarily make one more effeminate. Having more male friends does not necessarily make one more masculine either.

Why do people assume that they are gay?

I think this is due to the fact that some people (especially those I described above, the ones who are hostile) are jealous of guys who have mostly girl friends. To make themselves feel better, they resort to branding such guys as gays.

It might also be due to the media portraying such guys having effeminate actions that are generally associated with gays. Hence, the stereotype sinks in.

And to address the same question that Fej was concerned with: Are they dateable and trustworthy?

Are they trustworthy? I would think so. Whether they are dateable or not, on the other hand, you would have to ask women (that is of course, assuming that the guy in question is straight).

[Hatsumomo1]

In my opinion I think F men tend to have more female friends than T men. I think the same could be said that T females tend to have more male friends than female friends. I suppose that would fall on the generalization that females tend to be more attracted to 'feelers' rather than 'thinkers.' I do hate making generalizations, but I'm not sure how else to make sense of it. The two guys I know of that have more female friends than male friends are of the F type.

But does being an F type make you effeminate? Of course not. Do guys tend to shun them? Not necessarily. One of these guys didn't get along with other males well, but the other guy does.

Why do people assume they are gay? Because people like to jump to conclusions too quickly.

Are they dateable and trustworthy? Well, I'm dating one now, so yeah, I'd say they are.

[CaptainA]

What are your thoughts on these guys who have mostly girl friends?

We are pretty happy with our lot.

Do other guys shun them? If so, why?

Not usually, I still have a bunch of guy friends but they are not the kind that only talk about football.

Are they necessarily effeminate?

Who Me?

Why do people assume that they are gay?
They don't.

And to address the same question that Fej was concerned with: Are they dateable and trustworthy?

My girlfriend thinks so. So do many of our friends.

Sorry if I appear cynical but I actually do have many more female than male friends and my answers are in fact true.

[Mina]

I'm female, and I once dated a guy who had mostly female friends. He did act effeminate sometimes, which turned me off. I think some of his friends' "girly" habits may have rubbed off on him. >.>

I'd say that guys with mostly girl friends are dateable, as long as they're not too girly themselves. I know some girls who feel threatened if their boyfriend has a lot of female friends, however this isn't an issue for me because a) I won't feel threatened unless the guy and/or his friends give me a good reason and b) if I have a good reason, I won't go out with him in the first place.

The only other issue that arose was that he wanted me to hang out with him and his friends, and I didn't particularly like them, or want to hang out with them... because I don't really get along well with girls. Most of my friends are male, and I often feel completely lost when interacting with other females.

[Samoan Corleone]

I agree with what most other people here have said, a guy who has mostly girl friends so not gay, strictly a confidant, or some creep with a hidden agenda. I know of a girl who dumped Guy A for Guy B because Guy A treated her like shit and Guy B listened to her problems.

I haven't really bothered to count, but I'd say that a quarter of my good friends are girls. There's one in particular I'm quite close to, and I help her with all her guy problems and she helps me with all my girl problems.

I think the only ones who shun such guys are the insecure type. They see a guy with heaps of chicks who has their full attention because he's their friend, and this popular-with-the-girls guy seemingly doesn't want to be more than their friend. Insecure guy hates this because insecure guy knows that he'd never want to just have a healthy, platonic relationship with a girl, but if he could only initiate contact with one he'd be over the moon. Insecure guy knows he'd have an anxiety attack if he ever approached a girl, so he doesn't. Insecure guy is also passed off as "creepy" by most chicks.

Someone define "effeminate" for me please. If that means you shower every morning and night, iron your own clothes, dress carefully, know how to cook, and use face moisturiser because you don't want to age before you have to then I'm one effeminate straight guy!

[Jinxu]

I find that I can relate to women on an intellectual and emotional level more so than most men.

Women tend to be more open-minded about things as well.

[amberlinen]

So there are different types of them.

I like the sensitive and open-minded type. If some guys can't appreciate this type, it's your loss.


- If the male in question behaves like an alpha male, some guys may try to 'follow' him, in the hopes of learning how to attract women. .

Are you talking about the smooth operator type? I don't like smooth operator or "alpha male" in general, but they do get more women.

[dissident]

I find that I can relate to women on an intellectual and emotional level more so than most men.

Women tend to be more open-minded about things as well.

same here, and I like their emotional empathy that they have towards others... when properly mixed with the right amount of logic and rational thought of course. :)

but these "friends" that people keep talking about... what a strange concept...

[Shoeless]

Are you talking about the smooth operator type? I don't like smooth operator or "alpha male" in general, but they do get more women.

Yeah, that's what I meant. The smooth operator, alpha male, or pick-up artist.

[Nemesis]

I'm also a guy with a tonne of female friends (I live with 3 girls in fact). I am far from effeminate and don't really get called "gay". For you who are envious of guys like us: DON'T BE! Many of our female friends are girls we are stuck in the "friend zone" with. Plus, you have to sit back and watch them stupidly get involved with the biggest douchebags you have ever seen... over and over and over and over and over. Sometimes it's amusing but it's often depressing.

As for datable and trustworthy... I'll agree with AutisticCuckoo here... with a caveat. We can become very datable if we learn how to avoid the friend zone and not be "too nice". Easier said than done but doable.

[callmemigs]

Most of my friends and acquaintances are girls and I can easily communicate with girls regarding practical matters and random foods-for-thought, but my closest friends are guys (since First Grade, we had been friends) because they can actually understand what I'm talking about regarding some emotional problems. The only girl I am closest to is my twin sister (yeah, she is my first and only best friend).

What are your thoughts on these guys who have mostly girl friends?
As long as they have self-respect and respect other people as well, it doesn't matter. At first it would be awkward for me but I'm not the type to judge a person to the core.


Do other guys shun them? If so, why?
Most guys do shun them from a personal observation, especially the manly guys. Most quite, nerdy guys find them okay. Personally, I don't shun them. Why would I?

Are they necessarily effeminate?
Some are effeminate. Some are not. Some are average. So, no. That's just a stereotype. But all effeminate guys have girls as mostly friends.

Why do people assume that they are gay?
People who assume such things are interested in their sexuality because guys who think if other guys are gays are actually gays, and they are want to form relationships with them.

And to address the same question that Fej was concerned with: Are they dateable and trustworthy?
Trustworthy-wise, guys who can make friends and talk with girls understand the minds and emotions of girls, and girls would just like that, just like how a tomboyish girl is hotter for males than the feminine girl. Dateable-wise, if they stop acting nice and be show at least a little of their manly prowess that girls love, he won't be stuck on the friend zone

[brainysmurf]

1) What are your thoughts on these guys who have mostly girl friends?

I don't mind, but maybe that's because I'm a girl.

2)Do other guys shun them? If so, why?

Some do, I guess. But I'm not sure about the causality. Maybe they chose to have more female friends because the guys don't like them, maybe the guys don't like them because of their girl friends.

3)Are they necessarily effeminate?

No.

4)Why do people assume that they are gay?

I don't assume that they are gay. But there seems to be a widely shared belief, that for guys and girls to be "just friends" at least one of them has to be unavailable (e.g. gay or in a relationship). I think you can share common interests with your friends of the oposite sex and it doesn't have to be based on physical attraction.

5) Are they dateable and trustworthy?

Trustworthy:
Yes, otherwise women wouldn't consider him a good friend, I guess.

Dateable:
If he wants to date one of the girls he is friends with, being in the "just friends" category could be a problem. But why not.