Do you set yourself up for failure?

[Jgib5328]

This is one of my biggest problems that I have. I set really high goals, that are often too high for me and I don't reach them. For example, I have been shooting for all A's throughout my college experience, but so far through three semesters, I have only gotten three A's and all B's or B+'s. It seems like I do this every time. I try to shoot for the stars, but I end up crashing back down to earth. I don't understand it either. Sometimes I work so hard, and yet, I never reach my goals. Do any of you experience this?

[Phrixos]

Actually, I work full time and thought I could study full time and still do music lessons on top.

I don't have a day off anymore.

So quite probably yes.

[Motor Jax]

i don't

i know where i want to see myslef, but i usually don't see how i get there

i just want the end result

[Jakalwarrior]

I'm more of a realist. In college I would think things like :
"I would like to be a straight A student, but I know im lazy and dont buy books or study" "Knowing my typical behavior and knowing that if I set my goal to high I will start slacking as soon as it is no longer a possibility, I believe it best to aim for As and Bs , a C if the teacher is a major homework giver :D "

[blue tie]

Yeah, all the time. Instead of focusing on what positives I have (relatively heathy, college degree, nice NYC apartment), I focus on all the dreams and ideas that aren't being fulfilled. I'm not rich, I'm not a philanthropist, I'm not Batman, I have no SO, I'm not in my dream job...

Rough pieces. :(

[Jgib5328]

Yeah, all the time. Instead of focusing on what positives I have (relatively heathy, college degree, nice NYC apartment), I focus on all the dreams and ideas that aren't being fulfilled. I'm not rich, I'm not a philanthropist, I'm not Batman, I have no SO, I'm not in my dream job...

Rough pieces. :(

Yeah I mean I'm sure I've done a lot that people would consider being successful, bit it isn't enough for me. I want more and will not settle for less. Anything less than my goals is considered failure and I will never see it differently.

[blue tie]

I think it's one thing to think privately that way versus living life that way. For starters, you're totally allowed your own opinion and high standards. Personally, I think people in general aren't discriminating enough in life.

On the other hand, you can't transform that into a ticket of calling yourself a failure and then broadcasting it to people. 1) Living like a failure is unproductive. It will eat away at your ego and prevent your future successes. 2) People who recognize your successess will then look at you like you're the asshole who can't get enough. "What? He's complaining that he's making ONLY $100k a year? Seriously?"

With regards to failure, an ENTP fraternity brother of mine once said to a frantic/nervous me, failure is just a different result. It's not inherently bad or worse than winning or succeeding. It's just a different pathway. And it's up to you to see the bright sides of your failures. Transform them all into successes. Look at all the neat things I learned about XYZ... They don't work! =)

PS - If this post comes across like I'm assuming too much about your situation, I didn't mean it that way. I hate it when I read other posts that do that. =P

[Jgib5328]

I think it's one thing to think privately that way versus living life that way. For starters, you're totally allowed your own opinion and high standards. Personally, I think people in general aren't discriminating enough in life.

On the other hand, you can't transform that into a ticket of calling yourself a failure and then broadcasting it to people. 1) Living like a failure is unproductive. It will eat away at your ego and prevent your future successes. 2) People who recognize your successess will then look at you like you're the asshole who can't get enough. "What? He's complaining that he's making ONLY $100k a year? Seriously?"

With regards to failure, an ENTP fraternity brother of mine once said to a frantic/nervous me, failure is just a different result. It's not inherently bad or worse than winning or succeeding. It's just a different pathway. And it's up to you to see the bright sides of your failures. Transform them all into successes. Look at all the neat things I learned about XYZ... They don't work! =)

PS - If this post comes across like I'm assuming too much about your situation, I didn't mean it that way. I hate it when I read other posts that do that. =P

I don't broadcast my failure or live like a failure. Whenever I fail at something, which means that I got a B on an exam, then I get really upset at myself, but I never tell people about it or mention it to anybody else. I let myself wallow for a bit, then go back to working hard again.

[sriv]

Think about the possible benefits of this:

1) You will try harder next time.
2) You will remember what you got wrong because you are ashamed of it.
3) It is good to have high dreams and grapple just short, than to have low dreams and settle for mediocrity.

[changos]

Do you set yourself up for failure?

Is quite normal for us intjs... to set defying goals. We try to measure the difficulty and what we have in favor. We hate goals easy to reach. Impossible goals are sometimes a "mental toy" to stay busy.

But usually we set goals worth of our capabilities with a generous level of difficulty.

I get reaaaally bored while doing nothing... I can do nothing for a while and then I start picking "things to learn, build and do" as a workaholic. I just hate it... I want more fun and laziness now... The thing of goals is to stay busy and with some entertainment... I feel now in my life that very hard goals are worthy but the frustration, stress or danger of failing is not... fun at all.

[bubbles]

This is one of my biggest problems that I have. I set really high goals, that are often too high for me and I don't reach them. For example, I have been shooting for all A's throughout my college experience, but so far through three semesters, I have only gotten three A's and all B's or B+'s. It seems like I do this every time. I try to shoot for the stars, but I end up crashing back down to earth. I don't understand it either. Sometimes I work so hard, and yet, I never reach my goals. Do any of you experience this?

I experience "failure" a lot. I tried for straight A's last quarter but ended up with only one A and some A-'s and B's. I even got to fail a final exam ;D. I took more courses than I could handle and aimed too high. Then I was hard on myself, but got over it. I no longer strive to get straight A's since it is a waste of my time. This quarter has been very relaxed and my grades are even better. I think it is better to not strive for anything and just enjoy your work, your life, and don't expect too much. Maybe the classes you are taking aren't very interesting to you.

[vaguely dissatisfied]

I think that this is a perfectionistic way of doing things. Perfectionists tend to believe that they should be able to do anything they put their mind to. This, of course, is not true of anyone on the planet, but perfectionists just don't accept this in themselves.

Excessively high standards are one style of perfectionist thinking and are often associated with an all-or-nothing way of seeing the world.

[gogurtdynasty]

I won't even bother with goals that feel doubt in reaching

It's bad

Especially within trying for relationships i just assume every conquest is unobtainable and not worth the emotional investment

[vaguely dissatisfied]

I won't even bother with goals that feel doubt in reaching

It's bad

Especially within trying for relationships i just assume every conquest is unobtainable and not worth the emotional investment
This is these opposite end of the spectrum and has alot to do with confidence and self-esteem.

[gogurtdynasty]

This is these opposite end of the spectrum and has alot to do with confidence and self-esteem.

Which I lack and I don't even know why lol

[vaguely dissatisfied]

Which I lack and I don't even know why lol
You lack self-confidence because you have not, as yet, built up a skill set that will bolster your confidence.

You lack self-esteem because you do not feel that you are intrinsically worthy.

[darkkodiak]

I think I do set myself up in a failing situation more often than I know probably because it just seems more interesting to me to overcome that kind of situation iono.

[ssrprotege]

Many people tell me that I set standards so high that I tend to see what is not actually a failure IS a failure. I don't think this is a bad idea. I am an intellectual self-sadist, meaning that I think I have to be discouraged by setting up the high goals and by realizing that it's not easy to reach that standard. In this way, I push myself to the limit to prove myself that I am competent. Once the goal is satisfied, I set my goals even higher. This cycle continues. Yes, and I fantasize of myself achieving the goal until I really accomplish it. So, as far as my view goes, I intentionally set myself up for "failures." While I am uber-critical for my improvement, I always make sure that I don't lose self-respect.

[Tenacious B]

I don't know if I would call it setting myself up for failure, but my expectations are often too idealistic, which causes me to always be a bit disappointed with the actual results. I think perfectionist, at least in expectation, is a better descriptor.