What is your Love Language?

[The Rose]

I have a theory that certains types tend toward certain Love Languages.
I thought I would conduct this unscientific survey to see how it pans out.
Here are a few websites to familiarize you in case you have never heard of them before.

To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. - in-depth descriptions
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. - a test
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. - the author's descriptions

You can pick a first and second choice if you'd like.

Often your love language is the one you use the most to show your love to other people.

Over the years, I have seen how important words are to me.
Critical words can hurt me deeply,
and encouraging words can carry me for weeks!

Words of Affirmation & Quality Time are my two highest love languages.

[rwyatt365]

Words of Affirmation & Physical Touch;

Tell me I did something right, or good then I'm yours. Do that while holding my hand, or kissing my cheek and you'll have to get out the water hose! :lovestruck:

[Tarrick]

Thing is, is I'm not really sure. Maybe I'm just an emotional rock or something. That and I've never had real reason to explore it.

If I had to guess, it would be Q. Time and ...Dunno.

[qwerty]

Given I've never been a touchy person.

Words and Time is all you ever need :)

[Jezebel]

#1 - quality time
#2 - physical touch

last place - receiving gifts

Quality time is definitely most important to me.

I usually hate being touched by most people, but I'm very different about this with the person I'm in a relationship with.

Words of affirmation was 2nd last for me, even after acts of service. While I do enjoy verbal communication with my partner, I don't like to talk about feelings. I ended up with another rational and apparently, he doesn't either. While words of affirmation are nice, I don't really need to be told I'm appreciated very often. I just know from other signals without being told. I'm fine with that as I communicate similarly.

As for gifts.... we don't even exchange birthday presents or do anything for valentine's day. Random gifts can be nice, and we'll pick up stuff for each other if we happen to notice something the other might like. But it isn't an expectation.

[The Rose]

I'm the same way with gifts.
I have a son whose love language is gifts,
so if I want him to feel loved,
I buy him a trinket or candy or something.
He feels loved.

[Guido]

My dad is an ISTP and would buy gifts for us constantly. Which was ok :o

Quality time and physical contact ftw!

[Rei]

Oh man I've always been horrible at picking out gifts.

I got my best friend mugs for a gift twice in a row... Of course, she really does need a lot of mugs because she leaves them out on her desk all the time... so she has stacks of 7 cups on her desk almost all the time =/

I never buy gifts anymore, and I ask my friends never to by me gifts. It takes so much effort to get somethign practical AND something the person will love. I now say that we will just treat each other to meals. So much more efficient/practical.

[Jezebel]

I now say that we will just treat each other to meals. So much more efficient/practical.
Yes, my circle of friends generally does the same thing. I haven't bought anyone 'formal' gifts in years.

[StJimmy]

words and touch. my wife and i don't even buy each other birthday or christmas presents. i mostly let her handle any gifts purchased for other people.

[The Rose]

Oh man I've always been horrible at picking out gifts.

I got my best friend mugs for a gift twice in a row... Of course, she really does need a lot of mugs because she leaves them out on her desk all the time... so she has stacks of 7 cups on her desk almost all the time =/

I never buy gifts anymore, and I ask my friends never to by me gifts. It takes so much effort to get somethign practical AND something the person will love. I now say that we will just treat each other to meals. So much more efficient/practical.Same here.
I hate it so much,
I'm already beginning to dread Christmas!
It's just another exercise to point out what a loser I am at buying gifts for people.
We have 25 family members on our Christmas list-
most of them children.




My dad is an ISTP and would buy gifts for us constantly. Which was ok :o

Quality time and physical contact ftw!My ISTP son likes gifts.
My ISTP husband's love language is acts of service.

If only I could just keep the house tidy... sigh

[rwyatt365]

Same here.
I hate it so much,
I'm already beginning to dread Christmas!
It's just another exercise to point out what a loser I am at buying gifts for people.
We have 25 family members on our Christmas list-
most of them children.
I dread Christmas too, but I cut out the gift-giving years ago. Of course, now I'm the Scrooge *>:(

[Jezebel]

My ISTP son likes gifts.
My ISTP husband's love language is acts of service.

You mentioning your son made me notice that for me, my preferred love language would not be the same for my family as it is for my romantic partner.

For them, I'd say it is something more like:
acts of service
quality time
giving gifts
and a tie for last between words of affirmation and touch

I guess because my ties to family doesn't necessarily mean I have things in common with them, and I don't want to be around them a lot. I try to do things for them to show I care, and will occasionally get them stuff. I'm very uncomfortable showing affection outside of my relationship, and that includes family.

[Unknown]

Quality time and touch!! Words hit the middle ground. Gifts and Service...not so much.

[acyckowski]

Touch and acts of service.

Gifts and quality time I get, but words of affirmation for an INTJ? I shudder.

[ElstonGunn]

Gifts and quality time I get, but words of affirmation for an INTJ? I shudder.

I don't really understand gifts. They were in a tie with words of affirmation for dead last.

My two highest were quality time and physical touch. That seems kind of odd for an INTJ. Usually it's more like, "Leave me alone... and don't touch me." But then again, love in general seems pretty odd to me. I guess I'll just think of it as a good thing that I'd enjoy doing a bunch of seemingly weird things if I was that fond of somebody.

[Merle]

I got Acts of Service first and Words of Affirmation second.
Acts of service sounds horrible! - Like I like to be waited on hand and foot!

Edit: ahh, ok, I just read what you wrote at the top about how often it's about how you show your love to other people... that makes more sense now.

[ssfanatic]

Score Love Language
0 Words of Affirmation
8 Quality Time
4 Receiving of Gifts
10 Acts of Service
8 Physical Touch

You can say anything, but most likely i wont give a shit. Words are cheap.

[Haphazard]

Highest were physical touch 10, quality time 9, and acts of service 8.

Most of the time all I want an hour to lean on a friend's shoulder. That's it.

[Aurelia]

Score Love Language
6 Words of Affirmation
7 Quality Time
2 Receiving of Gifts
6 Acts of Service
9 Physical Touch

It's important to me how someone expresses affection in their actions and words. Definitely prefer touch above anything else however.

[Solaris]

Well, here's what the test said:

5 Words of Affirmation
9 Quality Time
0 Receiving of Gifts
9 Acts of Service
7 Physical Touch

I'm not sure about the test. There seemed to be a lot of gifting questions paired with choices I wouldn't normally make. I do like getting gifts, but it's not the most important thing in the world. Certainly spending quality time together is important, that's probably accurate in being top in my list. While not very touchy feely normally, I'm more so in a relationship.

[AliciaS2R]

Score Love Language
5 Words of Affirmation
2 Quality Time
6 Receiving of Gifts
12 Acts of Service
5 Physical Touch

[ginandsour]

9 Words of Affirmation
7 Quality Time
2 Receiving of Gifts
5 Acts of Service
7 Physical Touch

[asongforgrace]

11 Quality Time
7 Physical Touch

- which isn't inaccurate, but I'm not very touchy-feely with anyone other than a partner, so I tend to express my love for others firstly with quality time, but secondly with acts of service or (attempted) gifts

[Pinkie]

I got the same scores on touch, acts of service and quality time. I guess I'm a polyglot.

[Nausved]

Words of Affirmation: 6
Quality Time: 10
Receiving of Gifts: 0
Acts of Service: 4
Physical Touch: 10

The others are nice, too, though—except for gifts. If you give me a gift, you have to convince me that you do it because you want to, not because you feel obligated or because you're trying to get something from me.

[vaguely dissatisfied]

Honestly, very few of the these 5 things are what does it for me. What I crave the most from my partner as an affirmation of his love is his attempts to understand and accept me by truly listening to what I say, making the effort to understand what I need and want, and then acting on that.

[ElstonGunn]

If you give me a gift, you have to convince me that you do it because you want to, not because you feel obligated or because you're trying to get something from me.

You mean you don't like it when someone tries to buy your attention/affection/love? :p


Honestly, very few of the these 5 things are what does it for me. What I crave the most from my partner as an affirmation of his love is his attempts to understand and accept me by truly listening to what I say, making the effort to understand what I need and want, and then acting on that.

That's probably the ideal. I scored highest on quality time and physical touch, but it would be very easy for someone to give me too much of either of those things. It would help (to put it lightly) if she understood that.

[PRBori]

Profile Results
Score Love Language
6 Words of Affirmation
9 Quality Time
3 Receiving of Gifts
6 Acts of Service
6 Physical Touch

How someone express himself is important to me, but nothing better than expending quality time together which compliments the other three: Physical Touch, Acts of Service, and Words of Affirmation.

Material Gift have hardly any impact on me. Is not what someone can offer me, is how someone treats me and shows me that he cares that matters the most. A simple "I Love You" and actions to show it matters much more than a gift.

[Kristian]

Presents has a symbolic value. It's a test. Does this person know me? I can get quite disappointed if the present says nothing about me.

And I am very good at giving gifts. I know people’s core needs - maybe because I work in advertising. And I notice little things they say or do and remember them. My presents are also a way of open up people's perspective sometimes – something they must know/have – so we can discuss/talk about it.

On the other hand I couldn't tell the birthday date of any one - not even my family. I don't care about birthdays - only Christmas.

3 Words of Affirmation
7 Quality Time
7 Receiving of Gifts
2 Acts of Service
11 Physical Touch

[vaguely dissatisfied]

You mean you don't like it when someone tries to buy your attention/affection/love? :p




That's probably the ideal. I scored highest on quality time and physical touch, but it would be very easy for someone to give me too much of either of those things. It would help (to put it lightly) if she understood that.
Oh.........I like it when they try to buy me.........but, ideally...............

Yeah, I'm getting way to much touch and not enough contact. Listening is great, but not with a vacant stare.

[spiritdetectivegirl]

7 Words of Affirmation
9 Quality Time
2 Receiving of Gifts
6 Acts of Service
6 Physical Touch


Sounds about right.

[JTG]

I'm strongly physical, with service and time almost tied after that. Words mean little to me, and gifts go almost unnoticed other than if somebody feeds me, which i see as more hospitality (service) than gift.

[PortInStorm]

This is so difficult for me. I know I really need touch from my husband and a sense that he's proud of me/likes me (so words of affirmation).

But what's not on there is
- revealing, in-depth, satisfying conversation,
- a sense that they know you so well they can almost read your mind, an emotional connection
- paying attention to you,
- and a real caring from them (asking if you're OK, doing what you need them to do whether that's staying home for the night, giving a back rub, or getting the rest of the groceries etc)

[eMachine]

This is so difficult for me. I know I really need touch from my husband and a sense that he's proud of me/likes me (so words of affirmation).

But what's not on there is
- revealing, in-depth, satisfying conversation,
- a sense that they know you so well they can almost read your mind, an emotional connection
- paying attention to you,
- and a real caring from them (asking if you're OK, doing what you need them to do whether that's staying home for the night, giving a back rub, or getting the rest of the groceries etc)

I agree.

9 Words of Affirmation
8 Quality Time
2 Receiving of Gifts
9 Acts of Service
2 Physical Touch

I think I scored highly for Acts of Service more as wishful thinking than how much it really means to me. My husband isn't that helpful around the house. :p

[SeaCzar]

4 Words of Affirmation
11 Quality Time
1 Receiving of Gifts
7 Acts of Service
7 Physical Touch

I think someone needs to come up with a better test for this. Physical touch? Me? Ah, let me think about this....ah, NO!!

[Nekocatz]

Score Love Language
6 Words of Affirmation
10 Quality Time
1 Receiving of Gifts
4 Acts of Service
9 Physical Touch

sweet?

[creativeRhino]

quality time by a big margin then
acts of service then
touch then
words of affirmation

[DeadSpace]

5 Words of Affirmation
9 Quality Time
0 Receiving of Gifts
6 Acts of Service
10 Physical Touch

[drjones013]

Profile Results
Score Love Language
6 Words of Affirmation
9 Quality Time
1 Receiving of Gifts
8 Acts of Service
6 Physical Touch

I found the test to be highly SJ/NF biased in both wording and choice. The main problem with the test was the author's lack of divisive choices, most questions lacked the dichotemy necessary to properly assess preference. This was probably because of the way that the author qualified the love language; it could have been avoided by creating a scenario/multiple choice set up.

... that having been said, yeah, quality time is pretty important. Words of Affirmation, though? Please, I'm dating an INTJ. We're NT's, we don't have time for "I love you honey" every day/week//

[Duncan Cade]

Words of Affirmation & Physical Touch;

Tell me I did something right, or good then I'm yours. Do that while holding my hand, or kissing my cheek and you'll have to get out the water hose! :lovestruck:

Same results here. Gifts ended up last.

[Antares]

Score Love Language
4 Words of Affirmation
9 Quality Time
6 Receiving of Gifts
1 Acts of Service
10 Physical Touch

I don't need your words of affirmation. My own is enough.
I like quality time.
I don't need your gifts.
I don't need you to do stuff for me. I'm not handicapped.
I hate it when you touch me for no good reason. Hands off!

:yuck: I don't agree with most of the choices, but I had to pick the lesser of the two evils. Greetings everyone. This is how (un)romantic I am. I feel a bit disgusting now... Have to go rinse off. *runs to piano and starts practicing*

[Kfbr]

3 Words of Affirmation
8 Quality Time
0 Receiving of Gifts
7 Acts of Service
12 Physical Touch

I do enjoy the touch of my female companions :]

[Sesquipedalian]

It is fascinating how alike INTJs are in so many ways, yet how different we are in our love languages. I've known for along time that I have a strong need for physical touch, and I indeed scored highest on it. Good hugs (none of that "side-hug" crap), massages, even literally just being touched on the arm by someone I care about can really send a jolt of energy through me.

I also need words of affirmation from those I care about, because I'm so hard on myself to begin with that I don't need others beating me up as well.

Quality time, gifts, and acts of service scored relatively low. My quality time is typically spent alone, gifts are nice, but I usually know what I want (It's hard to genuinely surprise me with something I would actually buy myself), and I don't want anyone's help with most things because much of the time it's a one-man job and I know how to most efficiently do it myself.

[UnknownEntity]

3 Words of Affirmation
8 Quality Time
5 Receiving of Gifts
3 Acts of Service
11 Physical Touch

[PortInStorm]

I need physical touch a lot too. One thing I loved about my female best friend was that she wasn't afraid to be a toucher with a fellow female, plus she was very encouraging. So see, SJs aren't all bad!

[pallasathena]

Words of affirmation- 6
Quality Time- 9
Receiving Gifts- 3
Acts of Service- 9
Physical Touch- 3

It seems to be accurate. I'm not a big touchy-feely person. Gifts are nice, but not necessary. I value the gift of one's quality time and service more than material things. It may be trite, but the best things in life really are free.

[HappyMondays]

As it happens, I just finished this book. FYI on the book, you "get" the idea after the first ten minutes and the guy goes on about it f-eva.

Anyway, Words of Affirmation.

My wife: Acts of Service - cuz, like all women, she just wants to sit on her butt and let someone else do the work.


I kid, I kid.

[PortInStorm]

Good, 'cause I was gettin out the ol' battleax! :-)

[Trinity]

Thought I'd resurrect this...

Score Love Language
10 Quality Time
8 Physical Touch
5 Words of Affirmation
5 Receiving of Gifts
2 Acts of Service

[seoa]

where are the scores coming from? am i missing some entirely obvious link somewhere :)

[Trinity]

where are the scores coming from? am i missing some entirely obvious link somewhere :)

Try the second link ;)

[paradanmellow]

Score Love Language

6 Words of Affirmation
6 Quality Time
2 Receiving of Gifts
8 Acts of Service
8 Physical Touch


XD

[seoa]

doh! found it now. it's amazing the difference it makes when you actually click on the little "1" when you want to view the first page of a thread.... :)

Score Love Language
11 Words of Affirmation
10 Quality Time
1 Receiving of Gifts
2 Acts of Service
6 Physical Touch

Spend lots of time, telling me how great i am, and i'll do pretty much anything for you :)

The gifts & service would have been zero just for themselves, but in a couple of the questions they were tied into quality time (i only like gifts when someone's spent time thinking what i'd like, otherwise i find them meaningless - and having someone come round to help with a household-project is more about the time they're spending than what they're doing).

[PurpleFnords]

Mine is (suprisingly to me):

6 Words of Affirmation
7 Quality Time
3 Receiving of Gifts
5 Acts of Service
9 Physical Touch

I love physical touch and chose that over other options plenty of times, though not always. Question no.29 really cracked me up with option 2. Classic!

[Headstrong]

Score Love Language
6 Words of Affirmation
8 Quality Time
2 Receiving of Gifts
5 Acts of Service
9 Physical Touch

[Erika Redmark]

Mine are quality time (11) and words of affirmation (8).

[Max]

Quality Time - 10
Acts of Service - 9
Receiving of Gifts - 5
Words of Affirmation - 4
Physical Touch - 2

[INtPagan]

Score Love Language
6 Words of Affirmation
10 Quality Time
0 Receiving of Gifts
3 Acts of Service
11 Physical Touch

That wasn't a huge mystery to me.

[seoa]

hmmm.... couldn't help myself, i was curious.... gotta "feeling" that QT & PT as a pair was being mentioned quite often

total INTJs listing their scores: 31 (i ignored scores from people like me :))

of those:
top 2 items = "quality time & touch": 12
gifts explicitly mentioned as zero, or lowest score: 13

everything else was pretty randomly scattered...
3 each went for "quality time + words of affirmation"
3 more for "words & touch"
3 more just for "quality time" (nothing else scoring that close)
3 more for just "touch"

not one person had "gifts" in their top 1 or top 2, the other four languages were picked by 1 or 2 people, making up the 31.

and since of those who had "touch" listed in their top 2 sometimes expressed doubt as to its correctness for them... i think we can safely say there's no definite link between MBTI and GC's love langs.

quel surprise! :)

[ssrprotege]

Score Love Language
5 Words of Affirmation
9 Quality Time
6 Receiving of Gifts
9 Acts of Service
1 Physical Touch

[Malotis]

7 Words of Affirmation
9 Quality Time
3 Receiving of Gifts
6 Acts of Service
5 Physical Touch

[Lupin]

Score Love Language
6 Words of Affirmation
9 Quality Time
1 Receiving of Gifts
5 Acts of Service
9 Physical Touch

An interesting tie between Quality Time and Physical Touch..... can't help being a passionate creature, just need to know that there's enough quality time together to allow that to happen!

Was a little surprised but upon reflection, if the hat undeniably fits then.......

[ChrisM]

I took the test yesterday, and it said my top two (almost even) were quality time and physical touch.

In all honesty, though, it depends on the person and the type of relationship when it comes to love languages. I value quality time when we are going the right thing, I value physical when it's with the right person/right way/right time, and I value words of affirmation usually only when someone is tying to understand me (I usually don't ever need compliments... unless I did a really great job and I would appreciate being noticed).

There are just so many instances that differ. The test is as right as it can be, but it sure feels like an over-simplification.

[athenian200]

Hmm... not sure between Words of Affirmation and Quality Time, both are important. I appreciate acts of service deeply, but don't naturally see them as necessary for caring. I certainly like touch, but it's not a big deal. Gifts seem too materialistic in closer relationships (although they're a nice gesture from people I'm not close to), and make me feel like I'm being bribed to care about the person, which can actually make me feel further away from them.

EDIT: Just noticed the test. Scores similar to my anticipations...

9 Words of Affirmation
8 Quality Time
8 Acts of Service
5 Physical Touch
0 Receiving of Gifts

[AutisticCuckoo]

#1 - physical touch (a score of 12 on that one!)
#2 - quality time

Receiving of gifts got a score of 0.

Can you tell I really miss someone to cuddle with? :)

[Chisos]

Score Love Language
4 Words of Affirmation
11 Quality Time
1 Receiving of Gifts
8 Acts of Service
6 Physical Touch

Notwithstanding this, Physical Touch is important for me.

If I end up having all that Quality Time, hey, we gotta be touching. Right?

[foroneonly]

6 Words of Affirmation
11 Quality Time
0 Receiving of Gifts
5 Acts of Service
8 Physical Touch

[Andantino]

Score Love Language
2 Words of Affirmation
9 Quality Time
8 Receiving of Gifts
9 Acts of Service
2 Physical Touch

[kizuki]

9 Quality Time
8 Physical Touch

[iuniperus]

10 Words of Affirmation
7 Quality Time
0 Receiving of Gifts
4 Acts of Service
9 Physical Touch





iuniperus added to this post, 2 minutes and 8 seconds later...

Wait... INTJs need words of affirmation?! You guys sure don't seem to give it as much as you'd like to get it... :sulk:

[bricklayer]

I don't have one. I love people for who they are.

[Shaz]

6 Words of Affirmation
10 Quality Time
1 Receiving of Gifts
4 Acts of Service
9 Physical Touch

not very original :)

[Seppuku Savant]

5 Words of Affirmation
9 Quality Time

[iMiki]

Quality time and Physical Touch were both tie.

If I have a partner, I would spend a lot of quality time with him.
At first, I'll be uncomfortable with that touchy thingy. Once I fully trust my partner, then I'm ok with it. :)

I like Words of Affirmation too. It's my second highest.

[Linwenilid]

9 Acts of Service
7 Physical Touch

I'm surprised that Quality Time got a 6; I guess I have to stop asking him to pick up his clothes... :P

[VeridisQuo]

10 Physical Touch
9 Quality Time
7 Acts of Service
3 Words of Affirmation
1 Receiving of Gifts

I think it is really accurate in my case....gifts are only material stuff and the best gift you can do to someone you love is time. I really feel the love of someone when I touch her or look closely at her (eyes). Words can be meaningless is they are not proven in everyday actions and through the time I spend with the person I love. Words and gifts are not essential to describe or prove a feeling than sometime i have a hard time putting words on...

[kansuke]

Interesting! I'll recommend this test to my future gf.

my result is:

Words of Affirmation 8
Quality Time 10
Receiving Gifts 2
Acts of Service 6
Physical Touch 4

[NephilimAzrael]

5 Words of Affirmation
7 Quality Time
0 Receiving of Gifts
8 Acts of Service
10 Physical Touch

Physical I certainly am.

[imposter]

5 Words of Affirmation
9 Quality Time
0 Receiving of Gifts
4 Acts of Service
12 Physical Touch