Hesitation

[biased]

How large of a factor is hesitation within social situations for you?

For example, say you really wanted to get to know a girl in your class but if you would have just told your mind to stfu and stop overanalyzing you wouldn't have spent so much time thinking and you would have spent more time ACTING leading to a greater sense of happiness.

This quote sort-of sums up what I'm trying to say.

"Thinking is easy, acting is difficult, and to put one's thoughts into action is the most difficult thing in the world. "
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

[anul]

Recently I've been forcing myself to stop thinking and just act. If I hesitate then I'll start to worry and over analyze the situation and work myself into a terrifying frenzy of social anxiety. I have to be less intuitive and more sensing and just flail my arms in the air and act on the situation instead of thinking about it.

[blueback]

Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. At one point I wondered if I was mildly autistic because I'd find things like the arches holding up the ceiling more interesting than the people under it. However, I was part of the control group for an autism study and they declared me normal. So, you know, *sigh of relief*

I find that the length of time I hesitate is inversely proportional to how well I know the people involved. If everyone's a stranger I have waaaay too much information to process to even think about actually saying something. If I already know everyone well I can just say whatever comes to mind.

I've been working on it. For a while I was trying to do it myself (that independance) but now I'm trying to get my friends to push me into things I don't want to do. For example, it's easier to approach a girl if my friends are all telling me to than it is if I'm all alone.

Also, I've found that there are things you can say that almost always work. So once you memorize them you always have something to say. For example, "Hey, I've only got a second cuz I have to get back to my friends, but give me your opinion on something. My friends and I were trying to figure out who cheats more often, guys or girls."

Saying something in that format: false time constraint, opinion, subject of interest to girls; works pretty much every time. And if it doesn't work, if they don't want to talk to you, you aren't "rejected" because you weren't trying to hit on them. You were just trying to engage them in conversation and you have to get back to your group of awesome friends anyway. If they're particularly rude (IE: trying to make you feel like a tool) just give them a disapproving look and say "You don't get out much, do you?" and walk away.

As long as you come across as a genuinly fun guy who ISN'T trying to hit on her she will probably engage with you. However, you have to talk to her as soon as the opportunity presents itself (3 seconds). If you stand around hesitating it will become obvious and anything you say after that will sound like "I'm intimidated by you, please be nice to me."

If walking up to girls you are interested in is hard, and I suspect it is since I (INTJ) am incredibly picky, then practice on girls you aren't interested in.

[Rei]

Yeah... we do have that problem.

We're not the type to do things without thinking like some other people like to do. We plan too extensively.
I think in the short span of my life, I've actually missed a lot of opportunities because of this. I'm trying to learn from this and be a little more 'loose' about making decisions, but it's not easy.

[Ian]

It may be an 'age thing' but I used to over-analyse situations to-death (and I'm sure missed out on stuff because of it).

At 46 I am learning to be more spontaneous, adopting a JFDI Strategy instead (Just F'ing Do It).

Life really is too short. It is not a dress rehearsal and if there is something you want to do / buy / see just go for it - if you make a mistake, so what (the only people who don't make mistakes are the ones who don't do anything!!)

Never be affraid to make a mistake or be 'wrong': never be affraid to own up to your mistakes - the world will not end, trust me (unless you are the guy who accidentally puts a mug of coffee on the button to the dooms-day bomb and destroys the planet, but even then, no-one is likely to come back and say "he / she did it!!")

[rwyatt365]

It may be an 'age thing' but I used to over-analyse situations to-death (and I'm sure missed out on stuff because of it).

At 46 I am learning to be more spontaneous, adopting a JFDI Strategy instead (Just F'ing Do It).

Life really is too short. It is not a dress rehearsal and if there is something you want to do / buy / see just go for it - if you make a mistake, so what (the only people who don't make mistakes are the ones who don't do anything!!)

Never be affraid to make a mistake or be 'wrong': never be affraid to own up to your mistakes - the world will not end, trust me (unless you are the guy who accidentally puts a mug of coffee on the button to the dooms-day bomb and destroys the planet, but even then, no-one is likely to come back and say "he / she did it!!")
I'm not quite sure that it's an "age thing", more like some kind of personal realization that life is indeed too short. For some it happens early in life, for others later. In some ways I think that it's driven by circumstance; a "tipping point" occurs that flips a switch inside and we say, "You know I really should...".

[blueback]

I thought it was more of a personality thing than an age or tipping point thing. I mean, there are a lot of people who live their lives by just jumping into things without thinking and as they get older they realize that they should start to plan more. . .exactly the opposite of most INTJs.