Trying to understand a change

[Muse]

At first i thought this question would fit under sociology, but i think its more of a mental state so i will ask here.

Recently i have gone through some changes.

-To specify, i have been withdrawing emotionally from the few friends i have, once thinking them as true/real/close friends, now considering them friends by definition, and nothing more.

- I have recently become closer to my family again, but even that has its boundaries, and i am to a small degree, cautious and guarded. I am mostly accepting fulfilling my role as a son and the next head of the family, fulfilling my fathers will all the while, which i am now okay with. I once despised the way he thinks on certain principles, now i find myself adopting those thoughts. I have noticed myself become more like him as time passes. This generally seems to be a positive thing, as i am happy with these changes.

- Humanitarian principles that i once had are now diminishing or gone. I find myself caring less about people, mostly as a reaction of what they do, probably do, or will do, that i find compromising of any compassion i could give them. The concept of love, though certainly not my highest priority, is also becoming... What i would have said to be pessimistic, but what i am starting to think is realistic.

This all became apparent to me when i stumbled upon the following question in my mind.

Why does life give me certain things, and then give me reasons to throw them away, or just stop caring?

I know i am changing, and i want to understand what this is. Hence i ask here, as it seems i am making a steady withdraw from the way i consider society.

---A bit of info about me, not sure how much will be relevant. Im an INTJ. My introversion has actually dropped a bit from high to moderate in the last 4 months. My N is high, my T is extremely high, and my J is extremely high. My drop of introversion puzzles me a bit, since i feel like im walking into society more(becoming more of an adult) but abandoning it at the same time. I will be living alone soon in a house, out of choice, im done with room mates, living with family is a boundary for me, and having a woman live with me on a romantic level seems dangerous to me. Im 21 and just graduated college. I will be starting my career in a few weeks, i know i will succeed. I'm not depressed, more so melancholy, and have never had depression issues.

Thanks in advance for any replies :)

[Silence]

Hullo, Muse-

I actually found myself feeling a little nostalgic when I was reading your post, because I, too underwent some changes that were similar to yours when I was around that age. I'm not certain if it was due to outside factors in my life, or if they were inner subconscious alterations; they just worked for me.

I've found that many people tend to look inward in the latter years of schooling, and then they look away as certain preconceived ideals are either confirmed or disproven. This may not be the case in your situation.

Your question of life giving you certain things, and then giving you reasons to throw them away or stop caring gave me pause to reflect. I'd ask a different question: "When life gives me certain opportunities, what makes me choose to discard them?"

[Muse]

"When life gives me certain opportunities, what makes me choose to discard them?"

I find an aspect of it that i don't want to deal with. For example, my friends all have flaws that keep me from wanting to be close to them. And much of society seems unworthy of my help, though in the past i did do charity things and stuff..

Its cool that you went through something similar. Maybe its just a storm that i need to wait out, but it seems to be leading to my intellectual and emotional isolation from all other people (though not physical isolation) and thats a bit scary to me, to feel like my intellectual thoughts, my personalities forte, are not welcome, or that the world is not worthy.

[Silence]

I find an aspect of it that i don't want to deal with. For example, my friends all have flaws that keep me from wanting to be close to them. And much of society seems unworthy of my help, though in the past i did do charity things and stuff..

Its cool that you went through something similar. Maybe its just a storm that i need to wait out, but it seems to be leading to my intellectual and emotional isolation from all other people (though not physical isolation) and thats a bit scary to me, to feel like my intellectual thoughts, my personalities forte, are not welcome, or that the world is not worthy.

There's a lot of food for thought here.

Recognizing flaws in friends can be tough. Sometimes it means coming to grips with the fact that the person you thought was a close friend is a jerk; the supportive person that's helped you is a notorious gossip, and so on. I always found myself a bit upset when the people I thought were 'A' actually turned out the be 'H', because it meant I wasn't as in-control or on top of things as I thought I was (or should be.) Does distancing yourself from them help you? Is there a relief in recognizing the facts and naming the flaws? Are you leaving yourself open to the idea of new friends?

When you say "much of society seems unworthy of my help," who would be worthy of your help? Do you miss not volunteering or assisting charities?

This very well could be a storm to wait out, as you suggested. Not everyone matures at the same rate- and some friends/family members never seem to progress beyond a certain point. I personally doubt that people have branded you as persona non grata, determining that your intellectual and emotional offerings are of no interest; it's been my experience that most people tend to take a more common road than others. To me, it seems that you are walking a road less travelled. It gives you an even greater chance to learn more about yourself, so when you and your peers get back to the social 'click' (not clique), you'll be even more self-assured and confident.

That's my take on it.

[emw1981]

I find an aspect of it that i don't want to deal with. For example, my friends all have flaws that keep me from wanting to be close to them. And much of society seems unworthy of my help, though in the past i did do charity things and stuff..



goodness i feel this way too. my SP good friends have explained to me that im supposed to "accept people for who they are" and i have certainly gone out of my way to do so, but i'll tell you what, at 29-my initial intuitions are correct. these "people" have always disappointed.
however, i will tell you from my grand 8 more years of life experience than you ;) that i have a few great friends that honestly make some bad decisions and i dont think they are perfect or even great people-but somehow, perhaps with time, but i think its rather LOYALTY that i have found from them, that they essentially can do no wrong with me. their flaws bug me a bit, but i love them. and i support THEM, not their choices. in time, with growing up-and your friends growing up, you will find some of these people to cherish. sometimes it takes a falling out to re-find them again too ;)
hang in there.

[Muse]

Silence, thanks for the post. Actually i did find out one of my friends is a gossip. And so i don't tell him much of anything anymore.

emw1981, im pretty good at accepting who people are, and not letting it bother me. I'm actually a very flexible and understanding person. But when i receive the backlash of their character flaws, and come to realize i have not given any backlash, only loyalty and a helping hand have i invested in the friendship, and they don't repent in any way, i come to the conclusion that they need to be cut off... But recently that has left about 8 of my decently good friends out in the dark (past 4 or 5 months cumulatively).

Im open to the possibility of having new friends, but sceptical about if sifting through more dirt will yield any gold... Maybe im just tired.