Keeping in touch with friends

[IcNjThJ]

I don't understand it. Never have and never will. How do you all keep in touch with your friends (not boyfriends/girlfriends) outside of when you see them? Whenever I've tried making friends in the past I only ever called/texted them asking if they wanted to go out. Apparently this doesn't work trying to build relationships with people.

Random electronic small talk just doesn't work well with me. I don't have any social media pages (can't stand the superficiality) so, I'm sure that doesn't help. Plus, maybe I'm way too introverted (tested 95%) although I get out a lot, even if it is by myself.

How do you all maintain contact with your friends (that you see often) outside of when you see them in person? And what do you say? I have a characteristic of wanting to talk only when it is useful for me to talk...I'm quite curious how other INTJ's can get this done....

[Szepi311]

When you meet the right people (people whom you have several joint interests in common) things seem to fall in place. Yes, it is true that the 95% introverted will have to stretch himself or herself a little to get the initial contact established, but perhaps the other person won't be quite as introverted, and things just may work out. However, I don't advise looking for friends that are "real social butterflies". That would be way too drastic for you to get along with. As for the means of communication, that seems to fall in place, once you meet the right people you will figure out what is most convenient with people's schedules. Understand that INTJ s will have a more difficult time to find compatible people/friends/girl or boy friends etc. The key is not to compromise, but to stay relaxed and hang out in places of real interest to you. Even the most introverted will have a few close friends. Sometimes those close friends may move far away, in which case it has to be E-mail that may keep the friendship alive. Does this answer your question? ...or did I misunderstand?

[Judoka]

I do keep in touch with them but I don't strive towards it too much like they do. A phone call from time to time is ok but meeting with them on every free day I have... way to much. Especially from an INTJ who needs a lot of time for themselves.

[someuser]

friends?

[Malkavia]

Random electronic small talk just doesn't work well with me. I don't have any social media pages (can't stand the superficiality) so, I'm sure that doesn't help.

Get over it.

I dont understand. You ask us how to keep in touch with friends then say you don't feel like using things like social networking sites or email?

Come on, it's not that big of a deal. I started my Facebook to keep in touch with my cousin who was in Afghanistan - is that superficial?

[stock]

I actually also shut down my facebook page as it just seemed to be endless chatterring...

But perhaps, as Malkavia has done, you could set up a facebook page but only for those you are close to...Then once a week set up an appt time in which you spend an hour sending out "chatter". You meet your obligation for occasionally touching base and maintaining a social connectivity net.

You might also focus on the emotional value in some of the chatter...recognize it is on the surface, seemingly a waste of time, due to lack of informational content, but recognize that for the other person, the chatter, is how they show affection? Thus disregard the meaning of the chatter, and focus on the purpose of the chatter?

[Malkavia]

Honestly most networking sites (such as Facebook) have it where you don't have to see the endless chattering. You can simply make it where you do not see "What your friends are thinking" and use it only as connectivity/network base. Just to send messages, chat, etc...

[Antares]

Honestly most networking sites (such as Facebook) have it where you don't have to see the endless chattering. You can simply make it where you do not see "What your friends are thinking" and use it only as connectivity/network base. Just to send messages, chat, etc...

Honestly, how hard is it to just turn a blind eye to them even if that were not possible? I just overlook the homepage, and turn straight to whatever I want to do. It's not that hard.

[Eboni]

Facebook and Twitter take to much energy. A quick phone call or text message to key people works just fine for me. I do not waste a lot of energy keeping up with people. I am easy to find for most of my friends and they all know I am low maintenance. I like my alone time too much.

[Malkavia]

Aren't things like twitter meant to be used with as little energy as possible...?

[Mohammad]

i keep in touch with a select group of friends. we grew up playing soccer together. yes, our communication was on and off, but when we met up again, it was as if we had never parted.
in fact, i've kept in touch with my closest friends for 10-20 years. and we're still going strong.
also, hooray for facebook, blackberry messenger and gtalk. :)

[Brittle]

I'm also really bad at this. I will call my friends every 6 months or so - we all live in different states/countries, so it's a little too easy to forget how the time flies by when you are busy with life.

I'm not into social network pages either - I'd rather send an email to someone than send messages via Facebook or Twitter - seriously, how much meaningful information can you relay through Twitter? And how much personal stuff do you want out there for all their other friends to see on Facebook (just because you can alter your own settings, it doesn't mean you can alter everyone elses)?

I'm incredibly lucky that the couple of friends I have are the type that can withstand this constant lack of attention. I am trying a little harder with a friend I have made locally, however, and we try to catch up over dinner or movies or shopping. We text a lot.

[shesgeekyweird]

i only have two best friends that i hardly keep in touch w/... yeah,yeah, slap my wrist. but I say a quick hello via internet.. not a phone person so I never call.. I dont use the term friend unless you've really earned it and that takes awhile.. they understand I'm a loner and I come around in my own way & time.. so it's all good

so I guess I dont have much to worry about..lol

[Urshulgi]

Facebook requires almost no energy. It's the ideal way of keeping a line of contact open to people you have met and find interesting, but don't particularly have any reason to call out of the blue. There will be some mindless chatter on it, big deal.

If you never make an effort to meet people or keep in contact with them, then you're going to end up as a loner who doesn't know any interesting people. I struggle to socialize sometimes, but I've put in enough effort over the years to build up a network of people I enjoy having conversations with when the opportunity to meet up arises, or when we find ourselves at the same social events. Those are the type of people on my friends list, as well as some relatives.

I didn't make a facebook page until about a year ago, for similar reasons to the ones used here already. I found out I was wrong, and I've been pleasantly surprised to find out that it is actually enjoyable being able to keep up with people that normally I wouldn't get a chance to if we weren't using facebook. I have a whopping 68 friends, about 25-30 of whom are close friends and other people I come into contact quite often. The others are family members and friends from other states and cities that I've met over the years.

It's one of those things where you shouldn't knock it till you've tried it. Of course, if you've completely ignored networking and socializing over the years, you may be disappointed with it. As with anything else, results may vary.

It can be something as simple as seeing an acqaintance or other person from your outer orbit of friends posting that they're going to a concert of a band that you like, and you shoot them a message to meet up and have drinks before going to the show. It can make life more enjoyable, and make you feel less alone when you can share common interests with your fellow human beings. It's not like you have to be BFF with everyone, but it will open up opportunities to socialize on your terms.

[DarkPassenger]

friends?

Right? :laugh:

In all seriousness, or not as I'm feeling like my avatar looks, I find email to work best. I have not tried Facebook, but I've heard good things about it. I just worry that people I don't want to see or talk to will see my profile. How do you get around this if you're trying to find old friends you've lost touch with?

It's so damn easy to be an introvert and still have a social life thanks to the internet. I think a lot has to do with the type of people you associate with. Most extroverts, in my experience, are not too cool with the every so often email/call.

[tehinternetsgam]

Facebook has become an invaluable tool and I've found I'm far more social than before I started using it.

[True Rune]

To think that I would betray the INTJ image and actually enjoy other people?

I keep in touch online, somewhat.. but in real life I do so terribly because I fear I will appear desperate, needy, and emotional.

[GouldFan]

I write replies in my head and forget to send out the actual one. :rolleyes:

[Jessamein]

Keeping in touch with friends is quite exhausting for me. I usually speak to them once in a while so I will not be deemed as 'heartless' or 'unfeeling'. Most of my long term friends stick with me because I see the value of their good characters, which is hard to come by in our modern society... And also because some of my friends, which I do believe, have the ability to make it big in the future. Can't lose those contacts now, can I?

I usually keep in touch online as well. I can't seem to do face-to-face communication very well.

[Urshulgi]

Right? :laugh:

In all seriousness, or not as I'm feeling like my avatar looks, I find email to work best. I have not tried Facebook, but I've heard good things about it. I just worry that people I don't want to see or talk to will see my profile. How do you get around this if you're trying to find old friends you've lost touch with?

It's so damn easy to be an introvert and still have a social life thanks to the internet. I think a lot has to do with the type of people you associate with. Most extroverts, in my experience, are not too cool with the every so often email/call.

Privacy settings allow you to set it up so that only people who are on your friends list can view anything about you.

Also, you can deny friend requests if you don't want that person contacting you. There are an unsurprising number of extroverts that will send a friend request to anyone they have ever associated with. If you barely remember them, or don't remember them fondly, don't add them.

[cheerbear]

How do you all keep in touch with your friends (not boyfriends/girlfriends) outside of when you see them?

Well, one of us usually has some sort of update or new thing we learned/observed/laughed about, etc and sharing it is enjoyable.

How do you all maintain contact with your friends (that you see often) outside of when you see them in person? And what do you say?

So if you see them often, there's not much left to say? I guess that's true for me sometimes, but I consider those individuals more as acquaintances. It's when I want to go deeper with someone that the conversations will continue outside of face-to-face contact.

Does that mean you always meet your friends with some purpose to talk with them? You've never met up with one just to hang out and read together at the bookstore or something?

I have a characteristic of wanting to talk only when it is useful for me to talk...I'm quite curious how other INTJ's can get this done....

I'm guessing it might be a bit different for INTJs, but even so, my INTJ friends message me randomly all the time. They may have something on their mind they want to discuss, wonder what I'm doing for the weekend and want to make plans to meet, or even just want to let me know that they thought of me. If you want to look at it in terms of utility, I guess you could say it helps our friendship grow? *shrug* Why make it so difficult? If you keep keeping people at arm's length, you'll one day realize that everyone is at least arm's length away from you. Having friends is a good thing, though.

[Indefinable]

What I think is a good way to keep in touch is:

If you're doing financially well:
Pay for lunch/dinner. This will show others your chivalrous and generous side as well as a bit of sociability. But don't overdo it or you'll soon be in debt or people will use you.

If you're not doing as financially well:
Go out only if they call you out.

Those have been my ways of keeping in touch with high school/university friends. :)

[jfc]

If you never make an effort to meet people or keep in contact with them, then you're going to end up as a loner who doesn't know any interesting people.

^living this life now despite making much effort over the years.

[Smacknrat]

I just don't put up anything private on facebook. It's a great way to keep track of birthdays and emails / phone numbers.

I've actually taken to twitter.

It WAS easy to keep track of folks, but it just takes one moment to drift apart and then you're back in friend finding mode... =)

[Silverity]

I write letters to my friends. Snail mail is nice because you can keep a deep conversation going on over a long period of time, and just the act of writing, sending and receiving a real letter is intimate in its own way. So even though we don't speak frequently, every few weeks/months we get letters from one another. Definitely not for everyone.

[sircockburn]

Ironically, I think that being not only TOO introverted but being too EXTROVERTED will make it hard to remember to keep in touch with friends.

Extreme introverts because...well, they just don't feel like it. LOL

Extreme extroverts because there's too much stuff to do and too many people to be able to tend to any individual much. Being a P makes it worse, because I forget and lose track of who to reply to, who to poke, email, etc etc.

[drake2]

Are we not the best listeners of the types.

If you really do want to extend more relationships in your life - pick extroverted types who just love to talk. Perfect synergy. You will not have to seek them out as they will seek out their favourite "ear" so they can talk about themselves and their lives non stop.

However if you do take this path, be prepared to be good at the most useful responses "aha" "I see" "how did you cope with that?" and of course "wow- you're too cool!"

Beware. There are more extroverts than introverts so you may well end up with far too many friends.