As an INTJ woman do you resist giving into woman stereotypes?

[OhSoLovely]

I find myself resisting general female behavior because I want to be respected. Although I enjoy cooking, for example, I dont want to be portrayed as a future "stepford housewife" I want to get married and have a family but I also want to be independent, powerful, and strong. I volunteered for the army this summer for GDs sake!

I guess I just dont want to be looked down on by men and I want to make sure Im equal to my husband because I believe I can accomplish anything a man can accomplish and I dont need to rely on one to make every decision for me.

[Luciferi]

This comes off sounding strongly like an insecurity complex. Because you fear being thought feminine, you instead swing to the other extreme.

I'm an INTJ woman and I simply am who I am. I don't resist femininity nor do I strive towards masculinity. I expect to be treated with love and respect by my partner, but I do not feel I am in competition with him and freely acknowledge that there are many things he is better at than I am, while he acknowledges that there are other things at which I excel and he does not. I have no interest in proving that I can do anything someone else can do and am content with my own qualities. And yes, I sometimes enjoy wearing make-up and skirts.

[OhSoLovely]

This comes off sounding strongly like an insecurity complex. Because you fear being thought feminine, you instead swing to the other extreme.

I'm an INTJ woman and I simply am who I am. I don't resist femininity nor do I strive towards masculinity. I expect to be treated with love and respect by my partner, but I do not feel I am in competition with him and freely acknowledge that there are many things he is better at than I am, while he acknowledges that there are other things at which I excel and he does not. I have no interest in proving that I can do anything someone else can do and am content with my own qualities. And yes, I sometimes enjoy wearing make-up and skirts.

Im definately not afraid of being feminine. I mean I openly love hair, shoes, make up, etc but Im afraid of being looked down on by men. Thats why I try to compensate for my love of girly things by being successful and independent.

[Vulkan]

Being unsuccessful and dependent is certainly not a "girly stereotype", I don't understand why you think it is. You can still be perfectly feminine, successful and independent.

[silvercrystal07]

It's not that I resist fitting femenine stereotypes, I just don't.

[Luciferi]

Im definately not afraid of being feminine. I mean I openly love hair, shoes, make up, etc but Im afraid of being looked down on by men. Thats why I try to compensate for my love of girly things by being successful and independent.

There is something seriously wrong with any straight man who finds attractive any woman who strives to be more like a man. Unless he is gay, in which case he won't be interested in you, a man prefers a woman to be a woman.

[Syler]

There is something seriously wrong with any straight man who finds attractive any woman who strives to be more like a man. Unless he is gay, in which case he won't be interested in you, a man prefers a woman to be a woman.
I take issue with this statement. Unless you mean "striving to be more like a man" in a very literal sense, e.g. pursuing sex reassignment surgery. Liking masculine women or tomboys does not mean a man is gay, or that there is something "seriously wrong" with him.

[Margot]

I simply am who I am. I don't resist femininity nor do I strive towards masculinity.


Agreed.

Clichéd as it may be, I'll admit that I'm both amused by and drawn to the image of a test tube welding, screwdriver totting woman in an apron and high heels. But that's all it really is; an image, and one that can't possibly convey the full complexity of a person's qualities regardless of whether or not they manifest as strictly masculine or feminine. I don't really see stereotypes as something to be fought for their own sake, but rather as ideas to be contested when they don't serve one's interests. In this way, stereotypes can morph over time. If people choose to perceive me as being "girly" or "feminine" or whatever, then that in itself doesn't bother me. It would certainly bother me, however, if those same labels were intended to imply some hogwash (eg: women only rely on their emotions, or can't defend themselves, or aren't deep thinkers, etc) that in no way follows from being female.

[Berserkr]

I'm an INTJ man, but I don't care at all for "labels." I'll be what I want to be. At least I'll know the real truth. I'll always act like me, etc.

[MortalWombat]

I don't really resist typical female stereotypes; I just don't fit into most of them.
Example: I don't like the mall, or dress up, shopping, clubbing, gossiping, or any of that. I wear a little bit of make up sometimes, but I am perfectly fine without it. I don't do dresses or skirts; I prefer jeans, slacks, and cargo pants. I play football, I know how to fix and build cars, and can hold my own in working.
Another example, for the women stereotype: I love dancing, and ballet. I'm particular about my fingernails. I thoroughly enjoy most musicals and singing, in general.

Just be who you want to be. You don't have to avoid typical female stereotypes to gain respect from men and everyone else. There isn't anything wrong with being feminine, because you are a female. If you want respect, earn it.

[Berserkr]

I don't really resist typical female stereotypes; I just don't fit into most of them.
Example: I don't like the mall, or dress up, shopping, clubbing, gossiping, or any of that. I wear a little bit of make up sometimes, but I am perfectly fine without it. I don't do dresses or skirts; I prefer jeans, slacks, and cargo pants. I play football, I know how to fix and build cars, and can hold my own in working.
Another example, for the women stereotype: I love dancing, and ballet. I'm particular about my fingernails. I thoroughly enjoy most musicals and singing, in general.

Just be who you want to be. You don't have to avoid typical female stereotypes to gain respect from men and everyone else. There isn't anything wrong with being feminine, because you are a female. If you want respect, earn it.

For me, a partner that could relate to my hobbies/interests, like cars etc. (things usually considered manly) would just be a cool aspect, and possibly a turn on. What I'm getting at is don't be afraid to do something that doesn't fit to your stereotype, not only for the principle, but what If there's a guy/girl who would like that type of thing because he/she could relate or appreciate it. Most guys do like women that can act like women, but we don't usually like ones that take this too far (at least I don't). Activities that have a gender-related stereotype do not make anyone more or less manly/womanly, in most cases. Generally, the bolded text above speaks my message.

[Petri]

There is something seriously wrong with any straight man who finds attractive any woman who strives to be more like a man. Unless he is gay, in which case he won't be interested in you, a man prefers a woman to be a woman.

I also take issue with this statement. While I don't particularly 'strive to be more like a man', I generally abhor everything girly (make-up, heels, push-up bras, dieting, Sex and the City, etc.) yet I've never lacked for suitors. I guess there must be something seriously wrong with all of those guys.

To the OP - I'm INTJ, and yeah I resist giving into stereotypes. Most of it's not conscious, me being a tomboy I'm naturally drawn to more 'masculine' pursuits, but I did have a bit of a freak out the other day when I realized I had an awful lot of pink outfits in my closet. I thought I hated pink! I had to face up to the fact that while wearing pink is a stereotype, it also goes really well with my skin tone :cheesy:

[floramacivor]

I find myself resisting general female behavior because I want to be respected. Although I enjoy cooking, for example, I dont want to be portrayed as a future "stepford housewife" I want to get married and have a family but I also want to be independent, powerful, and strong. I volunteered for the army this summer for GDs sake!

I guess I just dont want to be looked down on by men and I want to make sure Im equal to my husband because I believe I can accomplish anything a man can accomplish and I dont need to rely on one to make every decision for me.

I think I understand what you're saying. I've felt all along that I didn't want to be boxed into any stereotype. I refused to take typing in high school because I didn't want to end up as a typical female secretary/typist (and now I pay for that stupidity by having to type on two fingers to this day...) and I joined the military. It's not that I strive to be male, because I'm about as un-male as they come, but I always felt like I was resisting some unseen pressure to be boxed in as a female. I wasn't a tomboy as a kid, but I wasn't especially girly, either. I don't want to bake cookies and shop for shoes, but I don't want to fix cars or play sports, either.

[TigerL]

Just learn to be comfortable with who you are and don't pay too much attention to what others think. That will help you earn respect.

I'm in a somewhat masculine field, can talk science, and am respected by my male colleagues. I like the outdoors and used to play tackle football with my brother and his friends as the only girl until I hit my early teens. But at the same time, I like dresses/ skirts, make-up, and low-key heels for special occasions. People who get to know me outside of my field are sometimes suprised that I enjoy cooking, can do some basic sewing, and like hanging out with kids -- stuff they associate with "more feminine" women. I don't however like office gossip or watching mushy romantic films. I was tested as INTJ professionally. I like what I like.

[OhSoLovely]

I mean I come across as a full blown girly girl. I love pink, make up, clothes, etc.
I guess its just how I watched my parents. My mother is very dependant on my father for everything. He has complete control over all of the money, the cars, the house, the kids, and always has the final say. He will take vacations with friends but my mother feels like its different for women and women should only go with their husbands.

I dont want this kind of relationship with my husband. I want to be equal. I might even be better than him at dealing with finances. Ive been investing in the stock market since I was 14!

I guess what I meant was I resist being dependant on people. I dont want to be the woman who cant understand a computer and then blames it on my gender. I dont want to have to call a man to fix the refridgerator because "women dont know how to do that"

[Judoka]

I think this whole issue today with feminism went way too far. Today feminism isn't about equal rights to women and all it's about mocking femininity and resisting to it. If a woman is dressing like a typical woman to attract men or just because she likes it she's labled as a "weak woman who gives up to men's demands" this is just stupid...

[kepstein8888]

I tend to go with Luciferi on this one. Some of the most attractive women are the ones who don't care what men (or other women) think. They do their own thing, and have true strength that transcends sexual politics, workplace politics, or any conception of gender roles.

Modern feminism screams insecurity. If you've ever tried arguing with one, many will snap and snarl like a small dog trapped in a corner.

[Ilara]

Modern feminism screams insecurity. If you've ever tried arguing with one, many will snap and snarl like a small dog trapped in a corner.

Why does anything to do with gender become feminist-trashing around here?

Also, the OP isn't feminism, it's overcompensation.

All of the plumbing's female here, so anything I am is pretty much by definition 'feminine'. I don't happen to think that women or men have a monopoly over certain traits and interests, so trying to identify them as male or female is kind of pointless.

[OhSoLovely]

Im definately not a feminist, although I would have been before it turned into the "no shaving/we hate all men" sort of thing and women were just trying to get the right to vote and equal opportunity in work.

[Antares]

I don't resist giving in to any stereotypes. Just be true to yourself; how hard is that? I used to want to be a tomboy, and now I just want to be whatever my inclinations lead me to be. If I conform to some feminine stereotypes, so be it. I know I'm an individual and not any stereotype, and if somebody looks down you because of that, you know which finger to give them. My feelings are overwhelmingly masculine, and that hasn't changed. I do enjoy wearing skirts, skydiving, telling insensitive jokes, etc. That's me. That's not masculine or feminine.

[JustMel]

I tend to go with Luciferi on this one. Some of the most attractive women are the ones who don't care what men (or other women) think. They do their own thing, and have true strength that transcends sexual politics, workplace politics, or any conception of gender roles.

Modern feminism screams insecurity. If you've ever tried arguing with one, many will snap and snarl like a small dog trapped in a corner.

QFT. I love to cook and do so regularly. I send out baked goods to friends and family. I collect some 'girly' stuff but when it comes to work I'm well respected and often called by the guys for help because I don't condescend and we kick the idea around like colleagues not men vs. women. But I'm also not afraid to yell "Hey, I need a tall person" when I can't reach something either or asking one of the guys to move something if it's too heavy. Surround yourself with people who respect you for yourself and the girl/guy thing is pretty much obsolete.

[Luciferi]

I mean I come across as a full blown girly girl. I love pink, make up, clothes, etc.
I guess its just how I watched my parents. My mother is very dependant on my father for everything. He has complete control over all of the money, the cars, the house, the kids, and always has the final say. He will take vacations with friends but my mother feels like its different for women and women should only go with their husbands.

I dont want this kind of relationship with my husband. I want to be equal. I might even be better than him at dealing with finances. Ive been investing in the stock market since I was 14!

I guess what I meant was I resist being dependant on people. I dont want to be the woman who cant understand a computer and then blames it on my gender. I dont want to have to call a man to fix the refridgerator because "women dont know how to do that"

Did it occur to you that your mother may not always have been dependent on your father and isn't necessarily incapable of taking herself, but that perhaps he is just a take charge kind of person and your mother allows him to be that way because it makes him happy to feel in control of his family?

Will you be able to accept it if your future husband is better than you with money or better than you at any other thing you currently consider yourself to be good at? Even if you are capable of handling something on your own, would you allow him to do it if he could do it better or would you dig in your heels and settle for an inferior result to satisfy your pride?

I don't mind not knowing how or being able to do certain things that my boyfriends does. That's part of what I love him for. His strengths make up for some of my weaknesses. I let him fix my computer and work on my car, not because I'm incapable of learning to do it myself, but because it doesn't interest me and it is more efficient to let him do it. He once tried to show me how to jack up the car and change a tire, but I wasn't strong enough to do it and he just said "Honey, I love you, but if you ever have a flat tire, just call me and I'll come fix it for you." He doesn't say it to be rude, but because he doesn't want me getting hurt trying to do something I'm not good at. And while he is competent enough in the kitchen that he doesn't starve to death when I'm away for work for weeks at a time, when I'm home, we both prefer that I cook because I do a better job at it. He could do well at it, too, if he ever tried, but I've had a lot more practice than he has. Of course, he is much better than I am (or actually, just pickier) when it comes to household chores like cleaning and he prefers to do it himself because he thinks I don't do it right.

So it's not that I'm all like "yay, gender stereotypes!" so much as I think each person in a relationship needs to play their own part and let the other play theirs. But overall, I think most men rather enjoy taking on "manly" tasks because it gives them a chance to show off. I think they also like having a woman who does womanly things like feeding them or doing their laundry because it makes them feel taken care of. You can't have a well-functioning team if the team members are constantly in competition with each other.

[Booko]

Being unsuccessful and dependent is certainly not a "girly stereotype", I don't understand why you think it is. You can still be perfectly feminine, successful and independent.

Well, obviously I can't speak for the OP, but it sure as hell was the girly stereotype when I was a girl.

Which has a lot to do with my resistance to stereotypes about women.

That and I don't generally like to be shoved into anyone else's convenient box on any other subject either.

---------- Post added 08-29-2010 at 05:26 PM ----------

For me, a partner that could relate to my hobbies/interests, like cars etc. (things usually considered manly) would just be a cool aspect, and possibly a turn on.

Yes, that seemed to work with one of my old boyfriends. I liked guns, could shoot pool well, and ride motorcycles -- all things he was interested in as well.

The fact that I loved "domestic" arts like needlework never got in the way.

[floramacivor]

You can't have a well-functioning team if the team members are constantly in competition with each other.

I didn't get that the OP wanted to compete and take all the manly chores away for herself. I got that she doesn't want to be boxed into a stereotype.

[Luciferi]

I didn't get that the OP wanted to compete and take all the manly chores away for herself. I got that she doesn't want to be boxed into a stereotype.

As long as she goes around announcing that she is "equal" and "can do anything a man can do", she is boxing herself into another stereotype- one which most men will probably find rather unattractive.

[firebee]

Will you be able to accept it if your future husband is better than you with money or better than you at any other thing you currently consider yourself to be good at? Even if you are capable of handling something on your own, would you allow him to do it if he could do it better or would you dig in your heels and settle for an inferior result to satisfy your pride?


My father is a good example of this. He's been a CPA for thirty-some years, and he's very good at what he does. Hence, it'd be safe to say that, at the least, there would be no problem with him managing the household finances. He's also an INTP, though, or at least very much like one, so his talents don't exactly lend to things like keeping a checkbook register. So after a couple fun events, he got the keys taken away and my mother, who does have an exceptional talent for managing details, has been managing the household finances ever since.

He does the knitting instead, because that is an area in which he is clearly much, much better than my mother.

[Storm]

Just do what you like to do and don't worry about "winning a man," gender stereotypes or other bullshit.

Im definately not a feminist, although I would have been before it turned into the "no shaving/we hate all men" sort of thing and women were just trying to get the right to vote and equal opportunity in work.

Welcome to 1982.

[OhSoLovely]

I didn't get that the OP wanted to compete and take all the manly chores away for herself. I got that she doesn't want to be boxed into a stereotype.

Yes, you got it right. For example, I get the same grades as some of the smartest guys in my school but still get spoken down to. One time they were debating and I voiced my opinion and one guy just said "go make me a sandwich"

I guess its part of my intjness that im bad at expressing myself but to summarize it i dont want to be boxed into a stereotype

[Booko]

Yes, you got it right. For example, I get the same grades as some of the smartest guys in my school but still get spoken down to. One time they were debating and I voiced my opinion and one guy just said "go make me a sandwich"

Geez, I thought the days when having tits meant you were good just for making coffee were well over. My bad.

Maybe you shoulda made the guy a sandwich -- I recommend a good dog shit sandwich on mouldly bread. Bet he thinks twice next time before asking for a sandwich... Still, I wouldn't extend that to even most men these days...he's likely just one individual asshat.

Question for you: When you win a game against men, do they tend to pass if off as just "wow you had good luck" as opposed to "wow, you're good at this game?"

[Athene]

I find myself resisting general female behavior because I want to be respected. Although I enjoy cooking, for example, I dont want to be portrayed as a future "stepford housewife" I want to get married and have a family but I also want to be independent, powerful, and strong. I volunteered for the army this summer for GDs sake!

I guess I just dont want to be looked down on by men and I want to make sure Im equal to my husband because I believe I can accomplish anything a man can accomplish and I dont need to rely on one to make every decision for me.
There are probably some typically feminine behaviors I "resist", or at least I resist being stereotyped. I never learned to cook, not because of the stereotype, but simply because I don't like to cook.

I haven't worn a dress or heels in years, even though I used to. I don't like them; find them too high-maintenance to wear mostly, but also because in our culture they're considered gender-specific and I do dislike being categorized.

Yes, I'm aware that doesn't make complete sense. :laugh: I do know what you mean, though.

[Berserkr]

Yes, you got it right. For example, I get the same grades as some of the smartest guys in my school but still get spoken down to. One time they were debating and I voiced my opinion and one guy just said "go make me a sandwich"

I guess its part of my intjness that im bad at expressing myself but to summarize it i dont want to be boxed into a stereotype

If I happened to be in that debate group I would've knocked that guy out for saying that. :angry:

[Athene]

One time they were debating and I voiced my opinion and one guy just said "go make me a sandwich"
That's so ridiculous I probably would've assumed it was a joke.

[Booko]

That's so ridiculous I probably would've assumed it was a joke.

Oh good point. In which case if bread were to hand it would be great fun to place a slice on either of his head, eh?

[Athene]

Oh good point. In which case if bread were to hand it would be great fun to place a slice on either of his head, eh?
Or something like that...

[Vulkan]

From what I have seen that is a "joke" that has increased in prevalence over the last few years. I personally find it in bad taste, something only stupid teenagers find amusing.

[elegantmachine]

I do not strive to be neither feminine nor masculine; I do, dress and think in a way that my personality is. I am very masculine though, a bit of a tomboy. But it has always been that way. And I do not give a frack what other people think of me.

[plotthickens]

I guess its just how I watched my parents. My mother is very dependant on my father for everything. He has complete control over all of the money, the cars, the house, the kids, and always has the final say. He will take vacations with friends but my mother feels like its different for women and women should only go with their husbands.

A parent's relationship is always the baseline for a child. Have you considered that this may not be normal? That it may be dysfunctional, and that your idea of feminine stereotypes may be similarly warped?


There is something seriously wrong with any straight man who finds attractive any woman who strives to be more like a man. Unless he is gay, in which case he won't be interested in you, a man prefers a woman to be a woman.

I dress like a man, swear like a man, do masculine things, etc. Feel free to tell my husband to his face that there's "something seriously wrong" with him.

[elegantmachine]

I dress like a man, swear like a man, do masculine things, etc. Feel free to tell my husband to his face that there's "something seriously wrong" with him.

In the same time, You can also say that to my better half.

[Athene]

In the same time, You can also say that to my better half.
I would like to say that, but I've posted enough stuff about my husband that you all might agree there is something wrong with him.

I drive; he cooks. I discipline our daughter; he "mothers" her. I pay the bills, balance the check book, file his business taxes; he writes checks and forgets to tell me. I control the tv remote; he lets me. He talks a lot; I don't.

[SelfMadeBum]

I understand the OP's perspective. In a culture where "feminine" traits are accorded less value and therefore respect, some women may experience the impulse to downplay behaviours that are linked with that femininity, which is further linked with weakness and inferiority.

When I was younger, I was very sensitive to this possibility (portraying traits that can be interpreted as subservient), so I deliberately never took an interest in housework/cooking in an effort to assert myself, or distinguish myself from the typical female. Of course I also realised that this disinterest was natural, though I made it a conscious decision.

That being said, now that I'm a bit older, I realise that there is real value and satisfaction in taking care of those I love, cooking for them, seeing after their health in other ways, etc. and because society may accord it less value, doesn't mean I have to as well. So I simply do me... whether it falls within or outside the "femininity" side of things, fails to matter anymore.

[Zsych]

If you're with the kind of guy that would look down on you, then that's just how he is and his view is not likely to change.

If you're with the kind of guy who thinks its his responsibility to care for you as much as he reasonably can (assuming you can find those these days), then that's just how he is and his view is not likely to change (of if you change it, you'll make him unhappier - if someone wants to express their love - let them)

[BellaBianca]

There is something seriously wrong with any straight man who finds attractive any woman who strives to be more like a man. Unless he is gay, in which case he won't be interested in you, a man prefers a woman to be a woman.

I can no longer resist the urge to join the chorus. If this is right, then I do prefer the wrong ones. Wrong ones of both sexes, all genders and to all sorts of relationships.

[JustMel]

You can be a woman and not fall into Suzy Homemaker and Annie Asskisser and still be female. You can be feminine and still be smart, capable, sexy, funny, charismatic and still have bigger balls than a guy.

Finding a man who respects your capabilities, intelligence and what you have to offer is less about proving your worth and more about finding one that sees them and respects them and you.

[Ian Morrison]

I eagerly await the day when gender means fuck-all and people can just be whoever the fuck they already are without worrying about how "masculine" or "feminine" they look.

[JustMel]

I eagerly await the day when gender means fuck-all and people can just be whoever the fuck they already are without worrying about how "masculine" or "feminine" they look.

or act

[Ian Morrison]

or act

To be fair, I did mean "look" in the sense of general perception, instead of just visually.

But yeah, sure, that too!

[JustMel]

To be fair, I did mean "look" in the sense of general perception, instead of just visually.

But yeah, sure, that too!

Clarification for the masses.

[Ian Morrison]

Hey! Are you calling me fat!?

Oh, wait, "masses", not "massive".

Carry on. :P

[plotthickens]

Stereotypes -- especially those based on how people look, such as gender -- SUCK. From all angles of society.

[LifesEcstasy]

In my younger years I used to pursue typically 'male' occupations and hobbies to prove how adequate I was. Now I realise that having a backlash against anything 'female' is just as silly as conforming to female stereotypes. So now I do whatever I want whether that includes knitting and baking or not. After all true power lies in doing what is personally satisfying to you regardless, not proving a point.

[mapgirl]

I don't really resist typical female stereotypes; I just don't fit into most of them.
Example: I don't like the mall, or dress up, shopping, clubbing, gossiping, or any of that. I wear a little bit of make up sometimes, but I am perfectly fine without it. I don't do dresses or skirts; I prefer jeans, slacks, and cargo pants. I play football, I know how to fix and build cars, and can hold my own in working.
Another example, for the women stereotype: I love dancing, and ballet. I'm particular about my fingernails. I thoroughly enjoy most musicals and singing, in general.

Agreed - there are certain things as a Female INTJ you may be inclined to do/feel, that are considered feminine by some, but not in a weak/disrespectful way. I have no patience for make-up, flirting, gossip, or 'girl talk' - but I'll go shopping with my mom and sister... mostly because I'll need clothes at the time, and they love picking things out for me and I find it a very efficient shopping day where everyone leaves happy. I wear skirts because I find it draws less attention to myself. I cook for my husband, and at time for guests, but it's never an over-the-top 5-course spread.

In addition, there are things my husband can just do better than I can because he's a man, and is naturally bigger and stronger... although I know I can lay the patio by myself and do just fine - he'll get it done in half the time. Same for building the porch or renovating a room. Competing with him is senseless, whether the end results would be of better quality or not. When you do enter a relationship, you'll have to let go of some of you "I can do it myself" mentality, or you will annoy your husband.

If you focus your energies on what you like to do naturally as an INTJ - it might be reading, tinkering, art, music, gathering information - then you will be proficient in some area and gain self-respect that way. Become proficient enough, and you will gain the respect of others as an authority on the subject. You'll never be treated as one of the men, but so long as that is not your aspiration, they won't look down on you.

[Mohammad]

... I want to be equal.

i quite like this. nothing less than equality will suffice. :)

[SelfMadeBum]

I should add I still don't find any value in things like makeup and heels... I'll give it a few more years.

[Athene]

I should add I still don't find any value in things like makeup and heels... I'll give it a few more years.
Heels, no... makeup yes. (I want to look pretty.) :)

[Ilara]

After all true power lies in doing what is personally satisfying to you regardless, not proving a point.

This is it, folks. It's also what true equality means.

Want equality? Start by letting others be who they are (ie not looking down on those who are 'manly' or 'feminine'--whatever those are supposed to mean :rolleyes:) and being who you want to be without shame.

I should add I still don't find any value in things like makeup and heels... I'll give it a few more years.

I find makeup uncomfortable, but I love heels for short jaunts (no long walks, though!). I'm a tall woman and heels make me extra-tall. The world looks cool from up there. XD

[roninpro]

I guess I just dont want to be looked down on by men and I want to make sure Im equal to my husband because I believe I can accomplish anything a man can accomplish and I dont need to rely on one to make every decision for me.

If it makes you feel any better, I view women primarily as people. They (should be able to) enjoy the same privileges and status that I would.

As far as I'm concerned, you have nothing to prove. Just go out there and keep doing whatever you've been doing.

[Zombicide]

I have to resist because I'm a closet tranny.

[Petri]

He once tried to show me how to jack up the car and change a tire, but I wasn't strong enough to do it and he just said "Honey, I love you, but if you ever have a flat tire, just call me and I'll come fix it for you."

You can't change a flat? What're you gonna do if you get one and you don't have a boyfriend, or you do but he's not available to come fix it for you. I'm not gonna get stuck on the freeway for an hour waiting for Triple A just so my man can feel good about himself. Besides, the 'manly man' that insisted on changing my flat for me couldn't get the lug nuts loose and almost ended up damaging my truck by putting the jack in the wrong place, so I ended up doing it myself, despite wearing a dry clean only outfit. Later on I showed him how to change the oil in his car.

I don't understand why people assume that guys are just magically better at machinery or home repair. Most of that stuff is pretty simple and not much to boast about.

---------- Post added 08-31-2010 at 11:23 PM ----------

I mean I come across as a full blown girly girl. I love pink, make up, clothes, etc.
I guess its just how I watched my parents. My mother is very dependant on my father for everything. He has complete control over all of the money, the cars, the house, the kids, and always has the final say. He will take vacations with friends but my mother feels like its different for women and women should only go with their husbands.

I dont want this kind of relationship with my husband. I want to be equal. I might even be better than him at dealing with finances. Ive been investing in the stock market since I was 14!

I guess what I meant was I resist being dependant on people. I dont want to be the woman who cant understand a computer and then blames it on my gender. I dont want to have to call a man to fix the refridgerator because "women dont know how to do that"

I totally get where you're coming from. My mom's the same way and it bothers me. It's like she had to give up her own personality and individuality in order to support him.

You can wear pink and still fix a fridge. There's no rule that say you can't. Just be yourself.

[Inek]

Why does anything to do with gender become feminist-trashing around here?

Also, the OP isn't feminism, it's overcompensation.

All of the plumbing's female here, so anything I am is pretty much by definition 'feminine'. I don't happen to think that women or men have a monopoly over certain traits and interests, so trying to identify them as male or female is kind of pointless.
I must say, I also can't quite grasp where all of these ideas of contemporary feminism are coming from.

Are any of you feminist bashers actually trying to do research on this? Or did you encounter a woman who perhaps does hate men and conclude that this is what feminism entails?

NOTE: This is not what feminism entails.

Try taking a gander at some online resources like Feministing, Feminist Philosophers, The Pursuit of Harpyness, Female Science Professor, Bitch PhD, etc. You will notice that none of them are man-hating or rabid.

[Haildancer]

I am a feminist.

I don't hate men. I think they're fantastic. I like having the door opened for me when I'm on a date, and am not offended by a man who offers to carry something heavy for me if they see that I am struggling.

I also don't see certain stereotypical gender roles as offensive. Men and women perceive and experience the world differently (simple developmental psychology, folks).

What's truly important is understanding that feminism has nothing to do with being able to change a tire (I know men who couldn't change a tire if their life depended on it), or who cooks dinner, or choosing to engage in more or less "girly" activities. None of that matters. Feminism isn't about equal ability, feminism is about equal worth.

Do what makes you happy, don't worry about comparing yourself to others. Nobody can be you better than you, male or female. Just know that a being a female is not a hindrance or a weakness, and that being female does not mean that you are person of less worth than a man.

[Paragon Vixen]

I don't consciously try to fight nor embrace sterotypes, I just be myself in that respect. So no, I don't feel pressured.

[drake2]

I love stereotypes. Especially the gender ones.

Gives me the ideal opportunity for those using them to seriously underestimate me so I gain the surprise advantage.

Those stupid enough to use gender as a differentiation mechanism between capabilities of people deserve what they get.

And no I don't wear frilly frocks or heels - not for a statement about equality but because they serve no practical purpose whatsoever and are uncomfortable to wear.