analyze me!

[thexjib]

I have found, though much introspection, that the more empathetic and understanding an individual is the less I like them and the less we get along. What is my problem?

[phoboser]

You're a private person, too much empathy and understanding is intrusive. When you share your inner world with another you risk feeling like a whore afterwards.

[Still Standing]

You set very high expectations of yourself (some might say you're too hard on yourself) and you expect others to have the same expectations?

[Mindfreak]

When we share our deepest thoughts with another, it is similar to testifying in court.
Why testify against ourselves? :)

[thexjib]

Well, I don't like it when people are understanding toward me... But I also don't like it when people are understanding toward other people.

empathy and kindness annoy me.

[phoboser]

Your mother was hot and cold, affectionate and loving when you were feeling negative emotions and verbally castrating when you she caught a glint of pride in your eye, a cocky bounce in your step. Empathy and kindness are but one side of the blade.

[thexjib]

I think that when I see other people being kind that I automatically assume that they are really just being manipulative and controlling... I think that I might be more right than wrong about that.


and yeah, my mom was a total bitch.

[Still Standing]

So yeah, basically, you don't trust people who are nice. I think it's got something to do with happiness. When you feel good inside, you feel like being nice without any hidden intentions. Once you've experienced that yourself, it will seem more normal for you to see others being nice without questioning their motives.

[Kisai]

I have found, though much introspection, that the more empathetic and understanding an individual is the less I like them and the less we get along. What is my problem?

You don't like yourself. You think that others forgiving your nature belies the fact that you can't forgive yourself. A person who can understand you is one who can perceive your hidden nature, and you are trying to keep that from the auspices of others.

[GouldFan]

Maybe you don't know how to respond appropriately when other people are empathetic towards you, so you feel awkward and uncomfortable. It's like, 'err... so... now what?' kind of response. Then you get into analyzing the motive, thinking about the right response, and feeling annoyed about not knowing for sure.

[freeeekyyy]

You feel like a failure in an relational/personal sense, and don't want others to see it. The more empathetic the individual, the less you can guard yourself from that understanding.

[dontmesswithme]

The fact that you would end your first post with "what is my problem?" (and start the thread in the first place) indicates that you don't like this aspect of yourself. When people are empathetic and kind you are exposed again to this aspect. You resent this, hence your not liking those people.

Thinking that people are really just being manipulative and controlling when they are showing kindness is insecurity on your part. However, people are often kind when they don't want to be, so that they can function better in society. It's called being civilised. Also, to hurt your feelings would make them feel bad too, so that is selfish. You are right in a sense when you call it manipulative and controlling. These things, more often than not, come from a good place inside that person, rather than a bad place. They are looking out for your feelings and their own feelings.

[nowt]

Jealousy.

[invicta]

It's your shadow.

[Dru]

I think that when I see other people being kind that I automatically assume that they are really just being manipulative and controlling... I think that I might be more right than wrong about that.


and yeah, my mom was a total bitch.

it's alien to you, seeing someone express genuine feelings openly. you're probably thinking "ok... what do they want/what are they getting out of this behavior?" or are like "what's the catch?"

you may also or alternatively simply be a reserved person and find emotional displays distasteful.

how was crying tolerated in your household?

[Kuzya]

Hmm, I've long been asking my mum to stop asking what's wrong when I'm crying. Cause it's usually jsut soemthing I do for stress relief. And even if tehre is soemthing wrong, to me it's precisely like testifying in court - I don't wanna share it. I know aht you mean abotu empathy but the other day I found it a pleasant shock when I was talking to my best online buddy and telling him all about my problems with being an INTJ. He was so empathetic, he nearly made me cry. I jsut don't know what to do when that happens cause I enver expect people to care about me. Why on Earth do my feelings matter?

[Paji eh Wong]

(adjusts amateur psychologists hat)

Well, I don't like it when people are understanding toward me... But I also don't like it when people are understanding toward other people.

empathy and kindness annoy me.

I think you already got it. You don't trust other people and view acts of kindness and empathy as manipulative or the prelude to manipulation. The flip side of that coin is that you don't trust yourself. You don't trust yourself to surrender control and maybe to be really intimate with another person.

You don't like it when it is directed at others because you are projecting your "stuff" out into the world. You think other people feel the same way you do.

[Samueza]

I think that when I see other people being kind that I automatically assume that they are really just being manipulative and controlling... I think that I might be more right than wrong about that.


Empathy and kindness are qualities which come easy, but have a great effect on other people. This makes them great tools for caring and manipulation, depending on the motivation of the person who expresses it. You've seen it being used for ulterior motives more than it has been used for your sake.

I think your problem is you haven't really seen the good side. It would be like in Star Wars; if you've only seen the Sith you may assume the Force is something dark. Somehow you need to understand the light side, comprehend the possibility people might actually care about you and express their caring in ways you cannot doubt.

[Smacknrat]

Fe is the fourth function and the shadow function... Fe is commonly associated with group harmony. I don't think this is what you meant by you 'hating empathy'.

The kicker is your OTHER feeling based function
Fi is in demonic function.

Fi is commonly the non-judgemental function that allows a person to be seen as an individual... This you'll naturally see as a mistrusted function. I'm fairly certain this is what most of us would consider empathy if we had to chose a function... BTW, it should noted that Fi is noted toward hypersensitivity...

Through your introspection ("i" as you said) you bias the other functions as you perceive the world through Ti.

So what's your problem? Probably that you're just a jerk that hasn't had a few hard knocks on 'em yet or you weren't raised right....


;)