Apologies

[merid]

Just a little rant.

Does anyone else hate it when someone just throws out a sorry when a) It is not needed b) They are only doing it to appease c) they say it again and again.

I find it hard to apologise, in fact I rarely apologise. I really wish people would only apologise when they are in the wrong.

Does anyone else have this?

[OddFactor]

I'm the same way but find myself apologizing to some people more than others. Probably because in some situations I take the blame since I have high expectations from myself and feel like I need to carry the situation on my back though this only happens with one person.

[Rowan]

I dislike it when people are insincere or hackneyed when apologising; I used to know this exasperating guy who continually mocked people for the most inane things before saying “y’know I’m only kidding”, “sorry, no offense intended” or some other meditated apologetic cliché – the trite predictability of every conversation was awful.

[Antares]

Today, my friend borrowed my eraser multiple times, and after two times, she started to say: "I'm sorry. I need your eraser." at every turn. I was bewildered; she has nothing to apologize for; if anything should be expressed, shouldn't it be gratitude instead of apology?

I don't like it when they do that, because if I keep my silence, they'd think that I needed the apology and is somehow angry at them. If I tell them they don't have to apologize, I feel to 'nice' and it's somewhat unnatural for me to say that.

[sriv]

Apologies belong where absolutely necessary, nowhere else. Humility is a virtue and not something to be taken in any extreme.

I expect the intellectual to know when I actually mean "sorry" and when I do not.

[Kotetsu]

I've apologised maybe three times since the turn of the year. I always think long and hard before doing it.

[Jakalwarrior]

I say "sorry" constantly, and rarely mean it. It smooths over social interaction very nicely. Call me insincere if you like, but I hold back nearly all my evaluations for the benefit of others and I rarely call them on their BS. Since I have to pretend im not offended or have no opinion on the matter, I might as well go one step further and pretend I sympathize or appologize.

[azelismia]

This is another strategy I've adapted for Dealing with F types, apologizing often means you care. I apologize left and right and take blame for things at work regularly to smooth feathers and keep things from escalating into he said she said matches. This doesn't work with STJ types though as they really believe your at fault and weak and go for the jugular. with them you have to take on an offensive. ( I really dislike stj's, my only true bad situations have been with this type) it doesn't cost me anything, I maintain good relations w/ people who I'd have an otherwise impossible time with.

the SFJ's know darn well I am not responsible for everything and they have strong opinions on who is at fault but my taking blame shuts them all up and they go about their business.





azelismia added to this post, 1 minutes and 47 seconds later...

I say "sorry" constantly, and rarely mean it. It smooths over social interaction very nicely. Call me insincere if you like, but I hold back nearly all my evaluations for the benefit of others and I rarely call them on their BS. Since I have to pretend im not offended or have no opinion on the matter, I might as well go one step further and pretend I sympathize or appologize.



xacktly Jakal. although I do call people out on things that don't make sense. I make it very clear what my opinions are. I can't help it, I try to hold them back but they come out anyway. if it's too devastating an opinion on my part I can always apologize later ;)

[rwyatt365]

The only person that I apologize to (under pain of death and dismemberment) is my spouse. All other get an explanation. My pet peeve is to say "I'm sorry" simply to appease a hurt feeling when, in actuality, I am not sorry at all.

[merid]

The only person that I apologize to (under pain of death and dismemberment) is my spouse

Isn't that always the way.

[sriv]

Words have no meaning unless infused. The honest person will mean everything he says. The manipulative will not.

[Jakalwarrior]

Words have no meaning unless infused. The honest person will mean everything he says. The manipulative will not.

How do you survive like that? Ive never had a boss or co worker I didn't to tell how to optimize things (or just plain work harder). Ive never had a teacher who didnt give an assignment I didnt consider a waste of my time. To top all of that off I'm an atheist in the bible belt. Lying and smiling as you smell bullshit is a way of life :yuck:

[sriv]

I try to be the change I want to see in the world. Of course I cannot be perfectly honest all the time, but I try to be honest whenever possible and manipulative as little as possible. I am an atheist too, but I have a dream of a better world and that is my only cause. I have probably seen worse than you. I have been to the slums in India and seen the worst of life. My life has been modelled out of what I think is the most efficient, wise, and healthy lifestyle. To answer your question, I am strong.

[Jakalwarrior]

Have fun getting to be strong :( im sort of like a social worker and if I said what I thought every day id be out of a job ASAP.

"that last guy had cancer and his house burned, but you are just a lazy ass that needs a job so no I wont find you help on your rent, go hawk the iPhone in your pocket and get out of my face" /fired

[mkay]

I don't say things I don't mean. I'll even go out of my way to hunt through greeting cards, weeding out ones that say anything more than I mean.

[MCR]

I apologize when I mean it or at times as a social courtesy (like if I bump into someone etc.) but it's not something I make a habit as I see some people do. Primarily because it's so fake - and there are few things that get under my skin more than fakery.

When I'm the one on the receiving end, I really, truly don't want to hear an apology unless you mean it. And if you don't mean it...I can tell immediately. I would really rather hear someone tell me to go fly a kite than give me the "I'm sorry" lip service. It completely devalues your next utterance of the phrase even if you did actually mean it that time.

[notoppings]

Being a former Catholic I was trained to believe that everything was my fault so apologies became ingrained, a habit that I still struggle with to this day.

[Chimerical]

Just a little rant.

Does anyone else hate it when someone just throws out a sorry when a) It is not needed b) They are only doing it to appease c) they say it again and again.

I find it hard to apologise, in fact I rarely apologise. I really wish people would only apologise when they are in the wrong.

Does anyone else have this?

Yeah I don't apologize unless I'm actually sorry.
And I demand a fucking apology for apologise!!!!! God!! where'd you learn to spell?
Speaking of things that annoy me: when people assume the role of captain spell check and bitch about shit that they understood to begin with simply because of minute human error. Those people are on the same level of irritation as people who A. get mad that I'm not saying sorry B. say sorry and don't actually mean it or C. Say it in an inappropriate time.

[OneBadMother]

OP describes a pet peeve of mine. I do say sorry when I've done something that requires one, but saying "sorry" for winning a video game or such is ridiculous and annoying. Not to mention it's difficult to call them out on their insincerity.

[malefide]

I don't say things I don't mean.

[sriv]

"A wise man speaks because he has something to say; a fool because he has to say something."
~ Plato

[dandylion]

Does anyone else hate it when someone just throws out a sorry when a) It is not needed b) They are only doing it to appease c) they say it again and again.


Yes to all of the above. It's very annoying.

Once I was at an dentist's/orthodontist's office to get braces and the assistant had to make imprints of my teeth with a weird grape-scented putty. When he was moving the putty around in my mouth to set, he'd apologize. "Sorry!!!" he'd say in a really pathetic voice with his annoying accent. And I couldn't do/say anything except watch a weird dance show in a foreign language. After the putty had stiffened, he tried to take it out and constantly kept saying, "Sorry!!!" in that same sheepish voice like he didn't know what he was doing. I was getting pissed... I didn't want an apologetic orthodontist's assistant mucking about in my mouth. :scared: I never went back.

[Alpha Prime]

I find it pathetic when people apologize for everything, especially when talking to a hot woman they are interested in;

"i'm sorry for taking up your time, but i was kinda, ummm... wondering if... umm... i could perhaps take you out some time!? *Pees in his pants*. Though if you don't want to i really understand. Sorry".

[invisibleshadow]

Sadly I have noticed this bad habit of apologizing way to much in my own life. My strongly formed opinions and the validity of their construction have frustrated many people. Due to this I have apologized many times to simply try and make their lashing back less violent. Now that I am older and around older people this trait has stuck. Eventually it will go away, probably because I force it to go away, but still it will go away.

[Orya]

I apologize simply to get the situation over and done with. Granted, that's probably not the best reason for apologizing, but if it ends the drama quickly, all the better.
I can't say I hate people who apologize incessantly, as I tend to do that, but I suppose hearing an apology is always better than never hearing one... (Maybe?)

[True Rune]

I say it often. Like in martial arts class if I get a hit on someone it's like a reaction..But I'm never insincere about it. I don't really notice when other people say sorry.

[mkay]

I find it pathetic when people apologize for everything, especially when talking to a hot woman they are interested in;

"i'm sorry for taking up your time, but i was kinda, ummm... wondering if... umm... i could perhaps take you out some time!? *Pees in his pants*. Though if you don't want to i really understand. Sorry".

This is funny. I know what you mean. Not just men. It doesn't especially bother me, but there are some people who apologize so often I want to joke, "Hey, why don't you apologize for being alive while you're at it?"

Orya, I think general feeling on this thread is no, it's not always better to hear an apology than not. My take on it: If you apologize when you don't mean it, you're being insincere. Most people will tell you they dislike insincerity, though some people see "sorry" as a social lubricant rather than insincerity.

Personally, I also don't use "sorry" that way because I think it makes the word worthless when I actually mean it. I've been a newspaper editor for many years, and it's in my nature to use words as accurately as possible.

[sriv]

There is a inversely proportional correlation between the power of a word and how much it is used. If people said sorry for the little things, then they would have to get on their knees, start crying, and beg for apologizing for more important things. I'd much rather not partake in the latter.

[mkay]

I have a different take on that. I don't think saying a word often cheapens it. I think saying a word when you don't mean it cheapens it.

For instance, if you say "I love you" to your kid every day (I don't have a kid), does that mean it means less every day? I don't see it that way. But it's subjective.

[sriv]

It has a greater psychological effect. If you say "I love you" to your kid (neither do I) for the first time in their life at an age where they can understand that and at a time where they feel underappreciated, it will permentally impose the moment. You may say the meaning effects it, but subconciously, my correlation is accurate.

[Aronnax]

Unnecessary apologies irritate me but I try to keep in mind what they really are, social lubricant. Just because I don't want or need something doesn't mean it's the same for everyone else. It took a while for that to sink in and I have to remind myself that other people have different needs and motivations in order to keep things in perspective.