INTJs and Friendships

[OneBadMother]

So, friendships. Do you have very many people you consider friends? How many regular friends compared to close friends, and what differentiates? What is the minimum criteria for you to be able to form any sort of friendship?

[Guido]

N types, pure and simple. If they aren't N, I usually can't relate to them. The only exception is an ISTP... cause for whatever reason, they think like we do o.0 somewhat anyways. EFJs are dangerous and should be treated with caution :o

My current friends who I can relate to: INTP, ENFP, ISTP

Friends that I'm close with, but not that close: ENFJ, 2xINFP, ISTP, ISTJ

[Firelie]

I tend to make one friend at a time, then become friendly with that person's friends by default. Unfortunately, the last one person I made friends with moved far away and now all I have left are the semi-friends who don't really care that much, but do want to hang out on occasion. I have my roommates, too, but that's an entirely different type of friendship. The last close friend I had was my ex bf, but since I kinda dumped him, he's kinda not close anymore.

The majority of people I'm friendly with are either ENFJ's or INFJ's, witih the exception of an ISTJ and a couple other types I haven't identified yet.

[Tarrick]

/Sniff Firelie. I simulate the feeling of compassion for you.

Most of my friends are Rationals or guardians. It's rather interesting to both observe how different we all are, and how we interact. Do we always get along? Oh no. But it is always interesting.

[Lufus]

Heh, for me to make a friend, the individual must be able to withstand my arrogance long enough to realize I'm not trying to show them up.

[Opti]

I don't have any 'real' friends, only aquaintancies mostly from work. There are only 1 or 2 I would like to become close friends with, I want a friend that understands me, someone whom I can bounce my ideas off, someone that understands what I am talking about and will tell me if the idea is plausible or should be put to bed. I also need someone to tell me when I am talking to much about work (Yes I am Obsessed with my work - I am working on it!) And will drag me out and get me interested in enjoying 'other stuff 'in my free time. Pref male INTJ ...

I think I need a Mentor...or a psychiatrist ;D

[TeleportThis]

I have different friends for different things. I have Judo friends and band friends and homework friends and work friends...

But for always there, anything friends, I have very few these days. In high school I had quite a few. I guess I was just lucky and went to a town with a large percentage of quirky personalities. Or maybe its because it was a small town and because so many of us had shared the same experiences, it was easier to relate to each other despite having different personalities. I'm sure a lot of people would disagree, but I've found that the most interesting people tend to be smart people that come from small towns, and I think that it's because we had to find ways of entertaining ourselves, rather than the city handing it to us.

My best friend right now, who is also my roommate in an INTP.

I can't stand people that are terrible at telling stories. You have to be able to tell an entertaining story before I'll consider you my friend.

[The Rose]

N types, pure and simple. If they aren't N, I usually can't relate to them. The only exception is an ISTP... cause for whatever reason, they think like we do o.0 somewhat anyways. EFJs are dangerous and should be treated with caution :o

My current friends who I can relate to: INTP, ENFP, ISTP

Friends that I'm close with, but not that close: ENFJ, 2xINFP, ISTP, ISTJYou sure you're not an "E"? ;)

[The Rose]

I *have only had 3 close friends in my whole life.
the girl next door - ENTP
my husband - ISTP
former friend - ISFJ

I've had a few other short term friendships
current friend - ENTP

I am most attracted ENTPs upon acquaintance.
I like their energy and the way they always have a great new thing they want to accomplish!
I like to jump on the band wagon and feel like I'm part of something significant.
I like ENTPs because they are very LOW MAINTENANCE friends.
I am a troubleshooter, not a maintainer.
If I have to maintain you, I would just as soon lose you!

The ISFJ friend was great for the first year,
and then I suffocated for the second year.
I was so thankful when I finally threw her off!
It's incredible how she didn't get tired of sending me a stupid email every single day
that said THE EXACT SAME THING - EXACTLY!! - every single day!!
It was fine until I found out I was hurting her feelings by not sending her a response.
A response?
She didn't ASK anything!
She didn't SAY anything!
I cannot believe how much I bent over backward and did things that were NOT MYSELF
just to avoid hurting her feelings!
Can you believe it ended 3 years ago and I'm still ranting about it?!
I didn't even know who I was anymore by the time it was over.
I learned some valuable attitudes from her but I'm glad it's over.

I have another current friend who's a guy.
He's my ESTJ computer geek.
Since he's visually handicapped sometimes I help him out by driving him places,
or installing RAM.
It's a symbiotic relationship.
Talk about highly opinionated!
He makes me look like an "FP"!

Anyway, now that I've thought about it, I really like "P"s.
(And I need to stay away from the "super feelers").

[Apococlock]

I have only had 3 close friends in my whole life.
the girl next door - ENTP
my husband - ISTP
former friend - ISFJ

I've had a few other short term friendships
current friend - ENTP

I am most attracted ENTPs upon acquaintance.
I like their energy and the way they always have a great new thing they want to accomplish!
I like to jump on the band wagon and feel like I'm part of something significant.
I like ENTPs because they are very LOW MAINTENANCE friends.
I am a troubleshooter, not a maintainer.
If I have to maintain you, I would just as soon lose you!

The ISFJ friend was great for the first year,
and then I suffocated for the second year.
I was so thankful when I finally threw her off!
It's incredible how she didn't get tired of sending me a stupid email every single day
that said THE EXACT SAME THING - EXACTLY!! - every single day!!
It was fine until I found out I was hurting her feelings by not sending her a response.
A response?
She didn't ASK anything!
She didn't SAY anything!
I cannot believe how much I bent over backward and did things that were NOT MYSELF
just to avoid hurting her feelings!
Can you believe it ended 3 years ago and I'm still ranting about it?!
I didn't even know who I was anymore by the time it was over.
I learned some valuable attitudes from her but I'm glad it's over.

I have another current friend who's a guy.
He's my ESTJ computer geek.
Since he's visually handicapped sometimes I help him out by driving him places,
or installing RAM.
It's a symbiotic relationship.
Talk about highly opinionated!
He makes me look like an "FP"!

Anyway, now that I've thought about it, I really like "P"s.
(And I need to stay away from the "super feelers").

Wow, it almost looks like you've been waiting for this topic ^.^

I find that all of my best friends are ENTPs, I have two of them in the room with me right now who I've been friends with since I was a young lad (4ish). We get along great as I can disappear for months and they wont be bothered by it in the least, which is great because I'm amazing at disappeared for long distances of time.

Other friends in terms of types I'm really not all that sure about. I actually have gathered a rather large circle of friends over the years. Tactics I tend to use are acting completely and utterly insane/intolerable, and the people who can put up with me and not run away screaming I will take in as my kin, so long as they don't destroy my respect for them, which can be done a whole multitude of ways.

That's what it really boils down to for me, respect.

[Rei]

My best friend's an INTP. *My oldest friend. She's the only one I talk to on a relatively regular basis. *We think alike, and yet she has the patience needed to deal with me. *And she's the one who gets to hear my ridiculous ramblings while I try to make sense of myself.

Other friends I actually still hang out with/kept contact with... 2 are INFP's, one is an ESTJ.
An INTJ gets together with me once in a while, or she calls me up when she needs advice or assurance.
I was a close friend to an ENTP, we’re somewhat distant now, and yet still close and dependable.
An online friend I have great long chats with who I believe is something like another ENTP... I'll check on that one later...


ENTP taught me a lot of patience, same logic, different conclusions, but great conversation.
The INFP's facilitates my attempt to be more E and less J. *They really balance me out.
ESTJ's were the ones who always gave me another view, so I actually really enjoy hanging out with them.

[24687531]

I personally don't have any close friends for a long period of time. ;)

[Jbmontag]

The only people I can't stand are flighty. The kind that don't even know why they're doing something. They just kind of are. Everyone else I'm at least cordial with. My best friends are the ones that have no problem arguing with me and not get hurt or upset, and don't feel the need to ignore my boundries.

[bikerscars]

no close friends

just people i know through work and family

last close friends was high school and my army days

since then it seems the people i meet are not friend material for one reason or another(i seem to be very selective)

i am a loner by nature

[Jack]

My 4 friends are ESTP, ISFP, ESFP, INTP.

[OneBadMother]

-Have you ever based friendships on how well someone can entertain you? If so, does it take some level of intellectual understanding for someone to be able to entertain you in the first place?

[Rei]

Well there are people who can entertain me but I still wouldn't consider friends; merely aquaintances I like more than usual. What it takes to entertain me? Something along the lines of eccentricity and/or resourcefulness.

I would only consider someone a friend if there is some sort of exchange of ideas/sharing of thoughts. It would require what was mentioned above as well as some compatibility in our thinking processes.

I've had people who thought they were my friends, but I didn't feel the same way. Eventually this brought on a desire to intrude (on their part) and I was quite annoyed to the point of serious aversion.

[rwyatt365]

So, friendships. Do you have very many people you consider friends? How many regular friends compared to close friends, and what differentiates? What is the minimum criteria for you to be able to form any sort of friendship?

I have very few friends - 4 to be exact. 3 of them are guys that I went to college with, and we've stayed friends for more than 30 years. The fourth is a person I met online, conversed with, and have come to know and respect highly for almost 10 years now.

A friend is someone that I can really communicate with. Someone that understands me, or at least makes an attempt to understand. Someone that I can disagree with and not be disagreeable to. Someone that can listen without the need to criticize. Someone that can speak their mind without sermonizing. Someone that wants to be with me, but doesn't NEED to be with me.

[Elalyr]

I am not that good at friendships. I had couple of friends in high school, but didn't really make the effort to keep in touch after graduation. College? Exactly the same. I had a boyfriend for a while after college (ENFP...HUGE mistake) and ended up close friends with another of his exes (another INTJ) for many years. There were a few others not as close...and then I moved to a new city, and now I'm starting over again.

The above might come across as sort of sad and self-pitying, but I don't mean it that way. It's just the way things are. There aren't a lot of people who understand the way I think, and I end up avoiding people who are "normal" because I get tired of feeling weird by comparison. I tend to get along best with other INTJs, but can get along with many NTs. The one friend I've kept up with from the old city is an ENTJ, so she's good at making sure the lines of communication stay open.

[rwyatt365]

I am not that good at friendships. *I had couple of friends in high school, but didn't really make the effort to keep in touch after graduation. *College? *Exactly the same. *I had a boyfriend for a while after college (ENFP...HUGE mistake) and ended up close friends with another of his exes (another INTJ) for many years. *There were a few others not as close...and then I moved to a new city, and now I'm starting over again. *

The above might come across as sort of sad and self-pitying, but I don't mean it that way. *It's just the way things are. *There aren't a lot of people who understand the way I think, and I end up avoiding people who are "normal" because I get tired of feeling weird by comparison. *I tend to get along best with other INTJs, but can get along with many NTs. *The one friend I've kept up with from the old city is an ENTJ, so she's good at making sure the lines of communication stay open.
Not at all. Most INTJs are comfortable "in their skin".

Does anyone else feel mainting friendships is "effort"? I do, and consequently fail to keep up the necessary level to keep them going.

[Rei]

I am not that good at friendships. *I had couple of friends in high school, but didn't really make the effort to keep in touch after graduation. *College? *Exactly the same. *I had a boyfriend for a while after college (ENFP...HUGE mistake) and ended up close friends with another of his exes (another INTJ) for many years. *There were a few others not as close...and then I moved to a new city, and now I'm starting over again. *

The above might come across as sort of sad and self-pitying, but I don't mean it that way. *It's just the way things are. *There aren't a lot of people who understand the way I think, and I end up avoiding people who are "normal" because I get tired of feeling weird by comparison. *I tend to get along best with other INTJs, but can get along with many NTs. *The one friend I've kept up with from the old city is an ENTJ, so she's good at making sure the lines of communication stay open.
Not at all. Most INTJs are comfortable "in their skin".

Does anyone else feel mainting friendships is "effort"? I do, and consequently fail to keep up the necessary level to keep them going.

Depends who it is. The ones who've needed that I've dropped by now. All my current friends are ones who are self sufficient and pretty much simply "keeps me in their heart" and call me up for outings when they know I'm less busy.

[qwerty]

Does anyone else feel mainting friendships is "effort"? I do, and consequently fail to keep up the necessary level to keep them going.

Yeah unfortunately that seems to be the case with people I know. It gets frustrating to be the one that does everything and they pretend or don't see how much work I do in the background to keep everything floating without issues. As far as close friends go -- haven't tested anyone but they come off as follows to me 3 x intp, 1 x infp and 1 x istj and 1 x estp (long term friend).

I guess the lack of e's comes from having enough confidence in myself that people can't tell me what to do - the e's I know counteract that by wearing me down and so I stay away.

[jeffersonian]

Does anyone else feel mainting friendships is "effort"? I do, and consequently fail to keep up the necessary level to keep them going.

Yeah unfortunately that seems to be the case with people I know. It gets frustrating to be the one that does everything and they pretend or don't see how much work I do in the background to keep everything floating without issues. As far as close friends go -- haven't tested anyone but they come off as follows to me 3 x intp, 1 x infp and 1 x istj and 1 x estp (long term friend).

I guess the lack of e's comes from having enough confidence in myself that people can't tell me what to do - the e's I know counteract that by wearing me down and so I stay away.

Qwerty, are you saying you're doing all the work in the relationships to keep them going?

That seems very uncharacteristic of an INTJ, but maybe you learned the behavior over time?

[generalowk]

Through my life I've tended to have few but close friendships.

In my adult life, few of my closer friends have been my own age; some are several years older than me, and some are several years younger.

[Harman]

I have no idea of my friends personality type, but we do play good chess. :)

[qwerty]

Does anyone else feel mainting friendships is "effort"? I do, and consequently fail to keep up the necessary level to keep them going.

Yeah unfortunately that seems to be the case with people I know. It gets frustrating to be the one that does everything and they pretend or don't see how much work I do in the background to keep everything floating without issues. As far as close friends go -- haven't tested anyone but they come off as follows to me 3 x intp, 1 x infp and 1 x istj and 1 x estp (long term friend).

I guess the lack of e's comes from having enough confidence in myself that people can't tell me what to do - the e's I know counteract that by wearing me down and so I stay away.

Qwerty, are you saying you're doing all the work in the relationships to keep them going?

That seems very uncharacteristic of an INTJ, but maybe you learned the behavior over time?

I don't do all the work but there are times when it seems I do (extreme example of how I sometimes feel about it: I'm the one that solves their problems, I'm the one that fixes the fights and calms the air, and more often than not I'm the one that starts the conversations - but that's all mainly because I need to get them to do something or if I'm 'fixing them'). It's a mixture of my feeling side showing through.... I felt so isolated as a kid I found it much easier to get things done by becoming one of 'them'. It still gets that way now - I open up and people back away - so I revert back to the act, it's a weird way of living but I get much of my enjoyment by seeing it all work like watching a symphony become the system.

[deicruxified]

my closest friend is an i/entj

acquaintances are enfp, istj, intp and intj

[Max T]

I'm not 'fluent' in MBTI so cannot comment on my friends' types.

However, when I'm in a socially-active environment, I can put on an "E" exterior for hours. The result of which was having many friends at undergrad and postgrad university, but afterwards losing touch with virtually all of them.

Each time I promised myself to maintain contact, but the "I" side is so pervasive- just cannot help feeling very comfortable with myself and so lacked the effort.

My 'friend contacts' sheet looks strange (I'm 30 yrs old):
One close friend of 15 yrs I see every week.
7 friends of 10+ yrs standing- see several times a year/ email loads.
15 people I am friendly with- see several times a year.
... and then all the colleagues you have to work with :scared: ;D
(and family, but they're 'unconditional friends' ;))

[thegnat]

I am not that good at friendships. I had couple of friends in high school, but didn't really make the effort to keep in touch after graduation. College? Exactly the same. I had a boyfriend for a while after college (ENFP...HUGE mistake) and ended up close friends with another of his exes (another INTJ) for many years. There were a few others not as close...and then I moved to a new city, and now I'm starting over again.

The above might come across as sort of sad and self-pitying, but I don't mean it that way. It's just the way things are. There aren't a lot of people who understand the way I think, and I end up avoiding people who are "normal" because I get tired of feeling weird by comparison. I tend to get along best with other INTJs, but can get along with many NTs. The one friend I've kept up with from the old city is an ENTJ, so she's good at making sure the lines of communication stay open.
Not at all. Most INTJs are comfortable "in their skin".

Does anyone else feel mainting friendships is "effort"? I do, and consequently fail to keep up the necessary level to keep them going.

i feel like it takes effort. My first close friend we maintained friendship for awhile - kindergarten thru 5th grade - then she moved to MI, we wrote letters a bit, she visited once, moved to SC, wrote a couple times, stopped talking...

My second close friend moved to TX in middle school - we kept in touch for awhile - still keep in touch but BARELY, like annually anymore.

One of my close friends from tennis moved to Illinois and I haven't kept in touch with her since except through facebook.

I haven't kept in touch with a friend that moved to PA, and another that moved to CA....

I think that constitutes all my moving friends...

One friend that I was close with from elementary through high school kind of well...she was suspected of stealing from my uncle - which they could never prove (parents and aunt and uncle) but parents wanted me to stop hanging out with her. And she was the only friend I hung out with that year. I had a good month where I wasn't hanging out with anyone before school started and of course once school starts I don't hang out that often because of tennis and classes (I played tennis at least 5 times a week and on weekends for tournaments in high school). Now she's at college and we haven't kept in touch at all.

Friends split when I went to college for sure - barely keep in touch with two close friends from high school and middle school. They both have their boyfriends, I have my ridiculous schedule...

My "friends" are my acquaintances from tennis and classes. I don't really have a very close friend anymore.

Damn, that was kind of depressing to write haha. Ah my INTJ kicking in making me not feel it so much....ahhh back to normal....

[mind_wander]

This is not depressing. Trust me, my professor wanted us to write a mapped out goals about 15 years later. He definitely killed my confidence, well everyone's confidence. So you should be marrying by now right from now til 15 years? You should be around like 35 ish, if not choose to date, its very lonely and still be single; damn describing like that is so cold.

[thegnat]

This is not depressing. Trust me, my professor wanted us to write a mapped out goals about 15 years later. He definitely killed my confidence, well everyone's confidence. So you should be marrying by now right from now til 15 years? You should be around like 35 ish, if not choose to date, its very lonely and still be single; damn describing like that is so cold.

Well....I don't mind thinking of impersonal plans for the future...that's cool with me. personal plans on the future? uncertain. I don't care to plan or think about them so much and they don't really affect my mood because they're in the distant future - That doesn't depress me.

I'm not really depressed about all the friends that I've lost over the years....I'm independent enough to handle it.

It just puts a different face on it once you've coalesced it all into one thing. It's like "damn, you really are a social failure." But then I come back and say, "what's so wrong with that? You'll find another close friend or two and that's really all you need." And I also say, "Well it is hard to keep up with relationships like that and it's not abnormal. And it's not like they moved because they didn't like you."

So yeah, that's kind of my mind working there...

[mind_wander]

yeah, I know what you mean by that. Finding the 1-2 friends who really understand you the most is the best thing out there; something you don't want to lose. As for the other, well it comes and goes; I know. But, the mystery lies on the next step, who is that new person you gonna meet. Is it someone you can easily opened up too or its back to square one?

[thegnat]

It's back to square 1.5. I have a lot of (edit: *some* is probably more accurate - mainly from the tennis team and chemistry classes - and yet some of the tennis ones I have lost a lot of respect for) acquaintances to whom I haven't really opened up to. I know some who I wouldn't open up to if I had the choice(meaning since I'm around them anyway and they're nosy I might have to- ie tennis team).

[rwyatt365]

yeah, I know what you mean by that. Finding the 1-2 friends who really understand you the most is the best thing out there; something you don't want to lose.
I have 3 friends that I have known since college days (and one since high-school) 20+ years later and we're still good friends. We know each other better than anyone else and tolerate each other's foibles. For that I am grateful. And the best thing is that we don’t have to call each other every day (or every month, for that matter) to still be great friends. That's the kind of friendship that is "effortless".

I know that I couldn't sustain a friend that had to be contacted every day. That would be exhausting! After about a month I think I would run out of energy and have to go into hibernation for a week or two. I just can't imagine having that much to say to require that much conversation.

How do people do it?!! *:-?

[mind_wander]

I have friends like that too, I really don't have to call, but will try to keep in touch. The high majority know I am in college, while the others are not. However, what really make them click is that I had helped them in the past as a positive contribution without my knowledge. So there is set rule of indebtness there; plus after knowing me I am not that bad at all. Most people look at me positively than negative; alot have to do with exchanging-you help me out, I help you out. If there is a problem, let me give it a shot and see if I can fix it.

[thegnat]

yeah, I know what you mean by that. Finding the 1-2 friends who really understand you the most is the best thing out there; something you don't want to lose.
I have 3 friends that I have known since college days (and one since high-school) 20+ years later and we're still good friends. We know each other better than anyone else and tolerate each other's foibles. For that I am grateful. And the best thing is that we don’t have to call each other every day (or every month, for that matter) to still be great friends. That's the kind of friendship that is "effortless".

I know that I couldn't sustain a friend that had to be contacted every day. That would be exhausting! After about a month I think I would run out of energy and have to go into hibernation for a week or two. I just can't imagine having that much to say to require that much conversation.

How do people do it?!! :-?


I agree! People don't understand how I don't have that much to say sometimes and don't understand how I don't call my friends every single second of the day - but I don't understand how *they* do it!

That is good you don't have to call every day. I have to contact mom every day..that's exhausting in itself. And sometimes she calls twice a day! And I don't have that much to say either....especially the second time after I don't have anything to say the first time - what else does she want to hear??!! I just don't get it...

[mind_wander]

It's back to square 1.5. *I have a lot of (edit: *some* is probably more accurate - mainly from the tennis team and chemistry classes - and yet some of the tennis ones I have lost a lot of respect for) acquaintances to whom I haven't really opened up to. *I know some who I wouldn't open up to if I had the choice(meaning since I'm around them anyway and they're nosy I might have to- ie tennis team).

There is an old saying, "Its a small world in a big place." What really bite you in the @$$ is when you meet them again from time to time. So the answer is try to open up to them, if you know they have somewhat of the same thinking. Because I had run into that before, try to stay positive because in the end, you will meet them again. For example, in my class I didn't know one of my classmate, well we meet before in another class from my previous college. He mentioned to me that, "Did you know I was in your class previously?" My response was no, until after giving me a brief description my memory clicked. Now I remember, yeah we do joke around because he is an ENTJ, we can stand we other. Luckily I didn't pissed him off in my previous college, or I would be screwed this semester working on a team project. Charma is a b$$$$!

[rwyatt365]

I have to contact mom every day..that's exhausting in itself. *And sometimes she calls twice *a day! *And I don't have that much to say either....especially the second time after I don't have anything to say the first time - what else does she want to hear??!! *I just don't get it...
My parents have pretty much given up on me in that regard. My father tells me, "You know, people want to hear from you", meaning, "Call, damnit!"

[mind_wander]

I get hit with the, "Dam you are so stupid, why you do so many stupid things!" In my mind, its like well I am bad at expressing emotionally, mentally I am stable. I do ignore these comments, but it does hurt inside. I know I am capable and very smart.

[deicruxified]

I have friends like that too, *I really don't have to call, but will try to keep in touch. The high majority know I am in college, while the others are not. However, what really make them click is that I had helped them in the past as a positive contribution without my knowledge. So there is set rule of indebtness there; plus after knowing me I am not that bad at all. Most people look at me positively than negative; alot have to do with exchanging-you help me out, I help you out. If there is a problem, let me give it a shot and see if I can fix it.
my close friend (other people would say "best") and i/entj (she's swinging from e to i as per observation but she's always getting entj on tests) way back when we were kids we call each other but not as long as other e friends of mine. after highschool, we only meet once a year...brief phone calls only happen before we meet then the long conversation happens on the meeting... we also have intj's buds as well and we hang out at a the nearest mcdonalds not to eat but talk. 5 years ago, people see that mcdo branch as the geek's place... company consists of 2 intj's, 2 istj's, 1 intp, 1 entj ... enfp's do the eating and stand up comedy

[orange]

yeah, I know what you mean by that. Finding the 1-2 friends who really understand you the most is the best thing out there; something you don't want to lose. As for the other, well it comes and goes; I know. But, the mystery lies on the next step, who is that new person you gonna meet. Is it someone you can easily opened up too or its back to square one?

wouldn't it be nice to have people that understand me as friends. I had one firend in Highschool that did and that was fun, but now when I need a friend to talk to or want to know other opinions on something I have to do a lot of explaing for them to undertand me even a little.

Needless to say I dont want people that dont really understand me to know a ton of stuff about the 'real' me so I shift between friends to 'open up to'. It is annoying. I'll not bore you with the why, you probally already know most of it anyways.

[mind_wander]

Well put it this way, you are flexing the E side; something we dread. But, it does help you to easily pick and narrow down your search; head toward the shy crowd, someone there is an NT.

[thegnat]

Well put it this way, you are flexing the E side; something we dread. But, it does help you to easily pick and narrow down your search; head toward the shy crowd, someone there is an NT.

The only problem with that is everyone in the shy crowd is well...shy most likely including yourself.

If you head to the shy crowd, do you see them talking amongst themselves unless they know each other really well?

I'm also definitely not a conversation generator as I like to call it. I like to sit back, listen, and make a comment here or there.

Going up to new people and talking to them....not something I'm comfortable with. I make common interest friends or friends I'm around because either they're likely to talk to me or I can talk easier about the subject that we're both interested in. Or I have to work with them in a project or something and we're forced to communicate.

[mind_wander]

As for the shy crowd, throw some obvious things you can used from your life. Like have you ever been in a group of your choice? Whats the most likely answer or response. Chances it would be a big No, ok start with that. Then, start with commonalities.

[mind_wander]

I just remembered, this does not count as true relationship, but as a mutual friend relationship. Back in 3rd grade, I know its like opening an old chapter from an old book. When the fake idea of "Coodies" started. I actually got the balls, to asked a girl in class sending notes, "Hey, do you mind me coming over?" Study, doing homework, having fun playing videogames. She was fine about it, "Big picture-this was not the norm in 3rd grade[boys/girls stay with there pact not together]. It was awkward for me at first, but hey other boys in class was too shy [thinking in my mind]. Her parents was not pissed off at all towards me because I didn't treat her bad, respect her brother's/sister/parents, plus I studies with her [what comes around goes around]. In the end, she found a boyfriend, but she did dropped by to say hi to me. I was not neither pissed at all that she had a boyfriend, but the moral of the story is trying great lengths to being accepted by doing the unexpected can be very rewarding.

[bucolic_]

I don't really have any close friends, the problem is that depending on the relationship, I only will show one part of my personality to them. All in all, I'd have to say my Sister and Mother are closest to me, but even they don't know me as well as maybe they think they do.