I'm So Bored; Please Amuse Me - The Wrong Answer Game

[zeroemission]

catsup

what if it wasn't broke, and you fixed it anyways?

[DeepThought]

Well, that pretty much guarantees that its now broke.

Why won't the square peg fit in the round hole?

[INTJane]

Ow.

Do you like candy?

[zeroemission]

i only met her a couple times... she seemed nice enough

what's the most hideous music in the world?

[Still Standing]

Birds singing.

Why are dogs' noses wet?

[DeepThought]

^^ All of it. It's all hideous. When will the cacophony ever end!

^ It's the residue from them sticking their noses peoples crotches.

What's the best music to listen to while at work?

[zeroemission]

^^ they're always thinking of sniffing crotches (hey! cut that out!)

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where's the next stop?

[DeepThought]

Funky town.

Are you a jive fool?

[zeroemission]

naw, i'm a jive ass turkey honkey

if i'm white, and i can dance, does that mean i'm gay?

[DeepThought]

Naturally.


Aren't you proud?

[Fujimoto]

I would be prouder if those were straight A's instead of what I'm looking at right now, young man.

When was the last time you did your homework?

[INTJane]

Today.

Do you pay for good grades?

[Fujimoto]

No, I earn them through cheating.

What's the worst thing you ever did in class?

[jkatra]

I constructed a 60 acre mansion with a swimming pool.

Can you swim?

[INTJane]

No.

Can I blame it on the bossa nova?

[DeepThought]

No, that would be treble.

Why is muzak so awful?

[Fujimoto]

Because the bass player was out sick that day.

What is dubstep?

[INTJane]

Some dance President Bush Junior made up.

Do you know how to chacha?

[zeroemission]

^ cha! who, like doesn't now how to, like, do whateverrrrrrrrr? cha!

what is the meaning of life?

[jkatra]

The meaning of life is to build a small hut in Nebraska, otherwise your life is meaningless.

Who is your best friend?

[zeroemission]

i don't think the band even noticed me waving hi.

how many INTJs does it take to get screwed?

[INTJane]

One.

What is your middle name?

[DeepThought]

Slartibartfast

What's yours?

[firestar]

Rainbow
Have you ever killed somebody.

[INTJane]

Just yesterday as a matter of fact.

What is gelato?

[Sprelious]

He's the guy in the Hot Dog stand.

What are Hot Dogs made of?

[INTJane]

Beef tenderloin reshaped.

When you want to capture someone's attention, what do you do?

[Sprelious]

Form a raiding party.

Where are Britains from?

[INTJane]

Narnia.

How many hours of sleep is sufficient?

[jkatra]

5,347.

Where is my underwear?

[Sprelious]

Actually a new study indicates that sleep may not actually be required. Try tennis instead.

Why is it so hot?

[INTJane]

^^ You don't wear underwear, remember?

^ It's so hot out because everyone's hormones are in overdrive.

[Sprelious]

Why you no ask a question?

[INTJane]

Perhaps I was thinking about all of my answers? :laugh:

Do you ever get distracted?

[Sprelious]

What? Oh look, a Squirrel.

Mebbe?

[jkatra]

It is quite possible.

Why isn't there a huge war right now?

[INTJane]

The peace fairy has power.

Is a small handful of Scharffen Berger chocolate chunks a well-balanced breakfast?

[zeroemission]

What are Hot Dogs made of?
according to racoons, lips and asses

Why isn't there a huge war right now?
^ they tried starting with a small one, but no one showed up

Is a small handful of Scharffen Berger chocolate chunks a well-balanced breakfast?
sure, if you like eating foods that translate as reverse parastalsis

whatever happened to the american dream?

[INTJane]

It moved to China.

Why, oh why, oh why oh, why did you ever leave Ohio?

[zeroemission]

squirrels are adorable and funny

what happens when a squirrel is allergic to nuts?

[INTJane]

No problem, it just steers clear of you.

Should I stay or should I go?

[zeroemission]

To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

a lot of people walked out of a who concert in NYC after the clash opened for them

is monagamy a lost art?

[INTJane]

Is this a trick question?

When were you in the best shape of your life?

[zeroemission]

when i was still a square

am i flusterating you?

[INTJane]

Yes, of course.

Will I ignite if I step outside to hang the laundry?

[zeroemission]

not for another 10 billion years or so

is it too hot to broil a few pounds of hamburger?

[DeepThought]

The end is nigh, eat what you want cooked however you like.

Why am I sweating so much right now?

[INTJane]

You're standing in a meat locker.

What color are your eyes?

[Still Standing]

Red.

Is this real life?

[zeroemission]

yes and we're all just figments of your imagination

do you absolutely believe there is other life in the universe?

[Sprelious]

Wouldn't that be copyright infringement?

How close to the dun do you have to be to get a one minute tan?

[INTJane]

1,632 miles, give or take

To what use are emotions?

[jkatra]

Emotions can be used to fix mountain bikes at any of your local regional mountain bike fixing facilities for a low price of $59.95.

Can mountain bikes summon mountains?

[zeroemission]

some are on mountains, but most aren't

who reads these complaints anyways?

[jkatra]

Doris Van Gerther of Pennsylvania Lane.

Why are some names boring?

[Black Fire]

Aliens couldn't think of more amazing names.

Why is the color green - green?

[Faux hawk]

Clorox

What makes everyone happy?

[zeroemission]

POLKA!

does this question make me look stoopid?

[Faux hawk]

I can see you right now! Yes.

Do you ever feel like everyone else knows something you don't?

[zeroemission]

who's asking? whaddya know? what's going on?!

do you think sometimes paranoia is warranted?

[jkatra]

Nothing is warranted.

Where is your lipstick?

[INTJane]

Here, on my lips.

What shade of lipstick is the least alluring?

[jkatra]

Red.

Why are women mysterious?

[Cooper]

Because if men ever figured them out completely....the world would come to a screeching halt and the people stuck in nothing but darkness would be pissed.

Where is my remote?

[INTJane]

It's here. Do you have mine?

What's this thingamajig for?

[gracious]

<Gasp> Did you find that in my nightstand? It's a.... magic wand.

Why do I often get blisters from new shoes?

[zeroemission]

^^ reproduction... now let go!
^ reproduction... now let go!

was that wrong?

[Sprelious]

To adjust the Whosamawhatsit

That thing that looks like a bean can ....

[zeroemission]

actually contains brussel sprouts.

i'm not at all a fan of...

[jkatra]

People who use this area for a half-finished sentence game instead of asking a strange question.

Why are people mean?

[Sprelious]

POLKA!

Why is the Saxophone so hypnotic?

[zeroemission]

you're fascinated by shiny objects

why are there so many indistinguishable by context threads?

[jkatra]

Because you're cognitively incapable of differentiating based on raw sensation.

Where is the nearest rational-emotive psychotherapist?

[gracious]

Committed in the nearest asylum.

Is anything ever solved by therapy?

[jkatra]

Sudoku puzzles.

Why was the Joker Batman's enemy?

[gracious]

Batman only likes Knock Knock jokes.

What do guys named Bruce Wayne think of Batman?

[stopwinking]

When will I be able to cross-dress in peace without making front page news ?!
Which came first, Robin or The Egg ?

[gracious]

To get to the other side.

Why do superheroes tend to wear spandex tights?

[QuantumEnigma]

Spandex mini skirts are unflattering to men.

What is the best super power?

[zeroemission]

being really really really annoying

who's next?

[INTJane]

Not I.

Will you go see fireworks soon?

[zeroemission]

yes, i like bowling

what's around the corner?

[jkatra]

There are 3 more corners around the corner, but it's important to remain where you are and accept that there is no need to venture to new destinations.

What is the nature of a paradox?

[DeepThought]

Two ugly water fowl.

Why is everything so blurry now?

[zeroemission]

focus! you'll figure it out

what would you like to be asked?

[DeepThought]

nothing


What will that lead to?

[zeroemission]

more nothing, but a little longer lasting and a lot of something else

what did the INTJ say when he walked into a bar?

[DeepThought]

Drinks are on me!

Why did he go there?

[zeroemission]

it was 7:15 and he had a date with destiny, or not, one can never be certain about these things

is it considered weird to walk around with toilet paper in your nose?

[DeepThought]

Only if you forgo the customary screeching like a barn owl.

Did you get in a fight?

[INTJane]

Yes, I get in fights constantly.

Who's next? *dukes up*

[wrongjargon]

I volunteer DeepThought.

Who should I bet on?

[DeepThought]

wrongjargon

Where am I?

[zeroemission]

you are here. basking robbins is that way and the footlocker is that way

do you believe animals are people too?

[Sprelious]

We all sit down for tea and throw things.

Can morse code be used in elevators.

[INTJane]

No, it cannot, you got in the elevator now suck it up.

Where do bunnies sleep at night?

[zeroemission]

sheep

is it OK to pee in the pool when no one's looking?

[DeepThought]

No. It's only acceptable when the pool is full of people and they are all watching you pee into it.

Why aren't Speedo's more popular in the US?

[Sprelious]

If I could attach a pic, you'd understand.

Is that a Squirrel?

[zeroemission]

Or are you just happy to see me?
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is posting pics in text threads annoying to you?

[Sprelious]

Yes, no, maybe, nevermind.

Why is there air?

[DeepThought]

So you can spout out hot air.

How can I stop yawning?

[zeroemission]

^^ it makes volleyball more interesting

^ play volleyball

what is the square root of infinity?

[INTJane]

^^ Yawn, then prop your mouth open with all your pens and pencils.

^ my navel

What are you still doing up?

[DeepThought]

Somebody's got to feed the squirrel.

What's the square root of negative one?

[zeroemission]

i'm not positive on that, let me get back to you

what if the big bang was just a local event in an even larger universe?

[Sprelious]

Hey, that was a secret!!

Why do I tell people things?

[zeroemission]

because your goldfish can't keep a secret

what happens if i remove this "do not remove" tag?

[DeepThought]

Nothing. I didn't see a thing. No, don't hand it to me. Look, it's been swell and all *looks around nervously*, but I've got to run. *flees as the sound of distant sirens gets louder*

Where is the best place to hide?

[INTJane]

Hands up! *Jane points gun*

Who's serving us all a meal?

[Sprelious]

Scooby Doo

Why do I have chocolate on my fingernail?

[jkatra]

The federal government once again is ordering you to jump through unnecessary hoops.

Why can't Canada become part of the U.S.?

[INTJane]

Canada isn't part of the U.S.?

Is there any use for an outdated globe?

[Black Fire]

Any outdated things can be used.

What is an American dream?

[INTJane]

To make it to death alive.

Do you live in Michigan?

[DeepThought]

Yes - Michigan, Russia. Just like lousy American Michigan, but with more vodka and bears!

Did I mention it has more vodka and bears?

[INTJane]

No, you didn't.

Hallucinating yet?

[DeepThought]

Are you a bear?

[wrongjargon]

No. Technically, pandas aren't bears.

What is that panda doing here?

[DeepThought]

Trying to seduce you.

Is it giving you a french kiss or trying to eat your face off?

[aok]

It's trying to eat on my french faced kiss.

What's an eskimo kiss?

[DeepThought]

It's where your partner slaps you across the face with a large slab of whale blubber and then prods you vigorously with a harpoon.

Why are igloos made of snow?

[aok]

So you can smash it down with a hammer when you wake up in the morning. This is where the term "hammered" came from. It all started with igloos being smashed with hammers.

Why is red brick so commonly used in housing, when it has no aesthetic appeal?

[DeepThought]

It's cause by the persuasive "sales pitch" by the red brick mob..., *er* monopol..., *um* trade association.

Do you want to buy these lovely red bricks?

[zeroemission]

no thanks, i'll only be needing one

where can i buy a holster for my brick?

[gracious]

It sounds like the sort of thing Halston would make. Surely Sarah Jessica Parker gets bricked pretty frequently.


Where do Hollywood celebrities find this unending supply of surrogate mothers to birth their spawn?

[jkatra]

Topeka, Kansas over on South Lincoln Road.

What is your favorite animal?

[zeroemission]

i've narrowed it down to NOT: honey badgers, humbolt squid, snail darters, alligators, vultures, dung beetles, scarab beetles, earwhigs, hydra, brown reclusive spiders, electric eels, piranha, leopard seals, navy seals, seals & croft, or the ubiquitous dittoheaded lummox.

that answer your question?

[Sprelious]

No, but it's a list, so I'm happy.

Why make lists?

[jkatra]

The meaning of life is to create as many diversified and lengthy lists as possible according to Aristotle.

Why are roller coasters amusing?

[zeroemission]

lots of things that make people vomit are considered fun

how far up do you think we are?

[jonnyb]

At least to the splenic flexure.

How far up would you like to go?

[zeroemission]

i don't like the sound of that question. i don't want to be your friend i think.

turnabout is fair play, is it not?

[wrongjargon]

Not when you're in a carousel.

Can you believe everything you read on the Internet?

[zeroemission]

i don't believe you

too much caffeine making you tense?

[wrongjargon]

No, that's just my nervous twitch.

Why are you asking all these questions?

[jkatra]

It's important to ascertain your strategic vulnerabilities.

Where is Michigan?

[DeepThought]

It's in Russia, of course!

Didn't I already answer that question?

[jkatra]

Yes.

How do we ensure a sustainable future?

[DeepThought]

By only ever eating Soylent Green.

Where can we get it?

[zeroemission]

look! there's another INTJ goth crow

is soylent orange still people?

[DeepThought]

Yes, orange people.

Orange you glad to know that?

[jkatra]

I don't know what you mean by "orange".

Why are oranges orange?

[DeepThought]

Because they aren't carrots.

What else is orange?

[INTJane]

Your eyes.

Would you rather see a purple cow than be one?

[Black Fire]

I choose the third option.

What is the meaning of video games?

[aok]

To beat the video screen at a staring contest.

What is the meaning of winning?

[Black Fire]

To feel the need to make fun of the losers.

Who can be called a loser, anyway?

[aok]

Players

What game is this?

[Black Fire]

A game with no liars in it.

Why do we need cars?

[aok]

Because crutches are uncomfortable.

Why do we need limousines?

[Black Fire]

To show others how fancy we look with our brand new designer made clothes.

Why were clothes invented?

[aok]

To bore people down with the weight of their fabric.

What does abstract mean?

[DeepThought]

It means you loose.

What's the difference between an acute and obtuse angle?

[INTJane]

One's attractive, the other one dumb.

Where have you placed your ID?

[DeepThought]

It's in my head.

Would you like to see it?

[INTJane]

Yes.

Uh-oh, where is DeepThought's mind?

[DeepThought]

It could be on the planet Cruxwan, or Brockia. The Book isn't entirely clear. I suggest you contact the records department on Magrathea.

Wouldn't you rather know the location of the Point of View Gun (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts._of_View_Gun)?

[zeroemission]

it won't work on her, she's already a woman

Arthur Dent? Arthur Phillip Dent?

[DeepThought]

Arthur Froody Dent

Would you eat a steak from a talking cow?

[aok]

I'd have a cow udderly milked.

What does it mean to get your goat?

[DeepThought]

It's means you are one sick bastard.

Is that why the sheep are always running away from you?

[aok]

Only the white sheep, the black sheep obey.

Who tends to a flock of seagulls?

[zeroemission]

little bo peep works behind the book store on thursdays after midnight

if the first ingredient in pickled beef is ALWAYS lips, does that mean there's pastures full of cows standing around going "oooooooooooooooh ooooooooooh oooooooooooooooooooh"?

[INTJane]

Yes, that's what it means.

Will the drugstore be open today?

[jkatra]

There are no stores that will cater to your heroine needs INTJane.

Will you finally admit that you have a drug problem?

[gracious]

:tears: Yes, it's true! I can't get through the day without Ricola lozenges.

What does it say about me that I will probably have the theme song in my head all afternoon?

[jkatra]

It says that you're probably one of those people I see on the magazine covers doing all those neat and cosmopolitan things.

Why isn't baseball played in a zero gravity environment?

[gracious]

Gravity's union contract with MLB prevents it.

Wouldn't it be fun if they started running the bases on Segways?

[Black Fire]

No, it's serious business.

Can we save the world?

[jkatra]

^^No, I don't find that amusing, and right now my brow is deeply furrowed as I contemplate it.

^We can save North Dakota.

Would you like a cup of tea and talk about how things used to be?

[Faux hawk]

Yes, and it's all up to you!

What's the difference between worry and thought?

[Black Fire]

Not much - both give wrinkles.

How old is the oldest mountain?

[zeroemission]

it's not how old you are, it's how big you are that matters

how about those renewable energies? lots of jobs open there, huh?

[jkatra]

Unfortunately I don't respond to any questions that contain the word huh.

Where can I get off this roller coaster?

[Black Fire]

You should ask he manager who, unfortunately, went home.

How can anyone not betray you?

[jkatra]

If they're inanimate objects, they can be your best friends for life.

How many friends do you have?

[zeroemission]

can i call a friend? oh, wait. i don't have a phone.

what's that over there?

[Black Fire]

I think it may be a Loch Ness monster.

Is drinking alcohol - sin?

[zeroemission]

are you a happy drunk?

[INTJane]

No, and everyone is not my BEST friend when I'm drunk. Also, I don't love them.

Can zeroemission follow directions?

[jkatra]

He can follow the new leader who will enslave us all.

Which way to the bathroom?

[INTJane]

Six feet under.

Do you want to take a bath?

[jkatra]

I want to take a moment to savor my day off.

Why is taking things sometimes wrong?

[reiven]

because without proper closing techniques, some people really suffer with only one kidney.


what is sinusitis?

[zeroemission]

a pain in the neck

where is all the love?

[jkatra]

It's stored in the docking facility on Pier # 9 in the Belmont district east of Rosemont.

Are you insane?

[INTJane]

Yes.

Are you sane?

[Sprelious]

this has been debated at length. No affirmative decision has been rendered.

Are you kidding?

[jkatra]

Folks around these parts call me jkatra.

Why are there tall buildings in New York City?

[reiven]

above average rainfall makes for a 10 month growing season.

what is the best dessert idea, ever?

[Sprelious]

Tiki Torches.

What is the point?

[zeroemission]

an animated psychedelic film about a boy and his dog that don't want to join the clan

did anyone else see that movie?

[jkatra]

I saw a bee once, but not a movie.

Did you see a bee once?

[zeroemission]

no, i saw two, at the very least.

was buzz adrenalin so excited he signed his name wrong?

[INTJane]

Nope, Buzz Adrenalin is his real name.

What gets you buzzed?

[jkatra]

Porcupines.

How does one become a ninja?

[INTJane]

Did you just see me? No? That's how.

What is Jane's Addiction?

[aok]

ESFP

What does my answer shown above mean?

[WoodsWoman]

An in-depth awareness of the uses of cartilage.

Why is barking so annoying?

[aok]

Because it only grows familiar to trees remaining seemingly still according to superficial observation.

What is superficiality?

[jkatra]

Superficiality is the exciting new video game, fun for the whole family, where you get to be very super!

What should I place in a blender?

[aok]

Credit cards.

What do you mix with?

[Sprelious]

Air

What is Creedence ...

[aok]

Clearwater Revival?

[INTJane]

A holy roller tent circus.

Who framed Roger Rabbit?

[aok]

Jessica Rabbit's red dress.

Who is Roger Dodger?

[jkatra]

The Prime Minister of Antarctica I believe.

What do you believe in?

[aok]

Faith in trust when anxiety spikes.

Why does it seem so quiet?

[DeepThought]

Your ears are full. You should go get them drained.

What's a good question to ask?

[INTJane]

That one was the best ever.

Where would you hate to be right now?

[DeepThought]

At home, in bed. Worst place ever!

Why am I so sore?

[INTJane]

You should've listened to your worn out lover who said that 15 hours was enough for now!

Do you like berry jam?

[DeepThought]

:yuck: WORST THING EVER!

What are you doing right now?

[INTJane]

I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.

What is the best way to dispose of a dead body?

[DeepThought]

Tie it to the roof of your car and leave it unattended in a public parking lot for several hours. Someone is bound to take that sucker. Those things are like gold.

Did you enjoy doing that?

[INTJane]

That? Did I enjoy doing that? Doing? That? No.

What can't you cook?

[DeepThought]

Boiling water. Perplexes me every time.

You?

[INTJane]

Me?

What is your least favorite topic of conversation?

[DeepThought]

Anything related to science. Drives me crazy!

Do you like science?

[INTJane]

I prefer to talk about religion.

Do you s'pose I have a chance in hell?

[DeepThought]

Yes indeed, you have a very good chance of going to hell.

Doesn't it seem that's where all the really interesting people are going anyway?

[MikeAZ]

Yes because good people are boring.

Why not talk about things that are like gold?

[DeepThought]

Because that's when the g-men come and tax you good.

Do you have a lot of gold?

[INTJane]

It's everywhere. All of my furniture is made of solid gold, as is my entire house.

Who does not have a heart of gold?

[MikeAZ]

Mother Teresa, that selfish troll!

What was your worst nightmare?

[INTJane]

It was not telling our kids we were separating.

How long does a butterfly live?

[MikeAZ]

25 MPH

What else have you been keeping from our kids?

[INTJane]

Our marriage.

Do you even know where our kids are?

[DeepThought]

Playing in the street.

Why don't you confine them to a pen?

[INTJane]

We've forgotten their names and don't want to claim the youth of the entire neighborhood.

How many times a day do you think about doing something other than what you're doing?

[DeepThought]

Never. In fact, I pretty much stop thinking as soon as I begin a task to avoid any conflicting thoughts.

How much can I get, in dollars, for my thoughts?

[INTJane]

A beeeeellion-quazillion and five.

What will you buy with all of that money?

[DeepThought]

Lots and lots of bubble gum.

Do you want some gum?

[INTJane]

Sure, thanks. I chew bubble gum and blow bubbles all day long and I also wear my hair in pigtails.

How do you whistle?

[DeepThought]

It's hard to describe. I would show you, but it's gotten me arrested in 6 states.

How fast can you run?

[INTJane]

A lot faster after reading that.

How fast can you run?

[DeepThought]

Faster than a speeding bullet.

Why are you shooting at me?!

[INTJane]

It has nothing to do with you running after me and making that face! *bang, bang*

Can I make it to that fire escape quickly enough?

[DeepThought]

Yes, but it's locked, so your still screwed.

Do I frighten you that much?

[INTJane]

I'm terrified of The Whistler.

Cookie?

[DeepThought]

No thanks, I've got to watch my girlish figure.

Chocolate chip or macadamia nut?

[INTJane]

Neither, thank you. I don't like cookies at all.

Is it all about food?

[DeepThought]

I'd like to give it up, but I must admit to having a strong food addiction. I've tried to give it up, but if I don't eat... the cravings, oh the cravings!

What would you rather talk about?

[INTJane]

Politics and religion are always a great start on the internet.

What's your least favorite cookie?

[DeepThought]

I hate them all. I simply can't understand the fascination with small, sweet baked goods.

How long can you go without food?

[INTJane]

Five, six months.

Do you enjoy going out to eat?

[DeepThought]

No, too many choices and don't get me started on all those weird words, like appetizer and entrée, they use on those menus.

What sort/type of food do you prefer?

[INTJane]

Fast food is my favorite, I eat it every day.

What was one of your least memorable meals?

[DeepThought]

Any of the meals I had in France qualify. I just don't see how anyone could appreciate their cuisine.

What about you?