View Full Version : I'm So Bored; Please Amuse Me - The Wrong Answer Game
06-09-2012, 06:06 PM
.0000000000001 nanograms, which is a lot when you think about it
Who wants some drinks?
06-09-2012, 06:08 PM
All the members of AA.
What's the best way to save for the future?
06-09-2012, 06:10 PM
Spend everything you've got but keep playing the lottery.
Which type of lingerie is the most practical?
06-09-2012, 06:28 PM
The invisible kind.
What creates boredom?
06-09-2012, 06:32 PM
Almost everything except doctor's waiting rooms.
I frequently imagine...
06-09-2012, 07:11 PM
... hot and heavy make-out sessions with the purple Teletubby
The square root of negative one is what?
06-09-2012, 07:37 PM
It's something that has no practical use so I automatically yawn.
How do you build a house?
06-09-2012, 07:44 PM
First buy 10,000 gallons of Silly Putty and 2,000 pounds of newspapers ...
How long will it be before I can get an Internet connection wired straight to my brain?
06-09-2012, 07:46 PM
One day if you order overnight delivery.
If DeepThought were someone else, who would he be?
06-09-2012, 07:51 PM
What is the main obstacle preventing mankind from reaching for the stars.
06-09-2012, 07:52 PM
Who wears slippers, anyway?
06-09-2012, 07:55 PM
They are very popular with walruses.
Why can't walruses vote?
06-09-2012, 07:58 PM
They can, but only in coastal states.
Is there a difference between a café au lait and a café con leche?
06-09-2012, 08:02 PM
The recipe for café au lait calls for enriched uranium while a café con leche replaces that with concentrated californium.
What the theoretical limit to how much energy can be extracted from a cubic centimeter of enriched uranium?
06-09-2012, 08:06 PM
Let me peak.
Who framed Jessica Rabbit?
06-09-2012, 08:16 PM
Jessica Rabbit - she misunderstood that to "frame" someone did not involve actual picture frames.
What's better for exterior walls in a new home - OSB or grade WG plywood?
06-09-2012, 08:18 PM
Live in a cave. Problem solved.
Where can I find a good cave?
06-09-2012, 08:31 PM
Do you know how to do plumbing?
06-09-2012, 09:11 PM
I own 17 plumbing businesses, but I don't know how to flush the toilet.
Is there anything interesting going on right now in Greece?
06-09-2012, 09:17 PM
Yes, the grass is growing in Greece.
How much wood could a wood-chuck chuck if a wood-chuck could chuck wood?
06-09-2012, 09:23 PM
Computational methods are available to attack the problem, including methods which are viable for comparatively large molecules and models that are as mathematically simple as possible that still yield reasonable results. In principle, 1+3 provides a method but only for small molecules (so it is not a sufficient answer and is very hard to handle analytically ("pencil on paper")) or to use for building an intuitive understanding (so it is a poor answer). There is no way to calculate nontrivial reaction rates by pencil and paper. All methods used rely heavily on numerical approaches. No more than five or six quantum degrees of freedom can be handled (easily only one or two); so these are usually restricted to conspicuous dofs at the immediate reaction site. From a numerical point of view, Kramer's theory is restricted to reactions which have a fairly definite reaction path. In that case one can treat the reaction path coordinate quantum-mechanically and the remainder classically. But large molecules rarely have a well-defined reaction path.
Who is Kramer?
06-09-2012, 09:45 PM
The well-coifed Kramer you're referencing lived near Jerry Seinfeld for years.
Does positive thinking do anything?
06-09-2012, 09:56 PM
It's the single largest contributing factor to homicidal behavior world wide.
Why is murder illegal?
06-10-2012, 12:36 AM
Because only the Joker is allowed to participate in such a glorious act.
How do you know when you're insane?
06-10-2012, 12:44 AM
Don't worry, I'm sure you aren't.
As a child, which candy did you like most?
06-10-2012, 12:47 AM
I liked Candy on 43rd Street, she knew how to treat a man.
How do you treat a man?
06-10-2012, 12:57 AM
How do you treat a woman?
06-10-2012, 02:56 AM
if she ain't paying for dinner, she ain't worth your time.
and don't fall for that 'dutch treat' nonsense either.
what does 'Krakatoa' translate to mean?
06-10-2012, 03:06 AM
Krakatoa is when you stub your toe very hard.
Do you know the way to San Jose?
06-10-2012, 03:10 AM
I'm not a Silicon Valley software engineer.
How do you type?
06-10-2012, 03:14 AM
What is free trade coffee?
06-10-2012, 03:17 AM
It's when you're trading baseball cards with a barista.
Why is Las Vegas fun?
06-10-2012, 03:17 AM
^^it means 'you give me coffee'
i will say thank you, though.
^ somehow, the diseases you contract in vegas, stay in vegas.
would you like to ride... in my beautiful balloon?
06-10-2012, 03:19 AM
^ I would like to ride...in your beautiful balloon.
^^Las Vegas is just so, so much fun. I wish I lived there.
Is there any way to avoid insect bites besides using DEET?
06-10-2012, 03:46 AM
black magic markers.
simply cover the exposed area in black magic marker, and there is a 20-25% probability of NO insect bites.
what should i do with my TV since i no longer watch it?
06-10-2012, 03:52 AM
eat it. or put some plants in it. yay, recycling. then watch the PLANTS GROW.
do you have a party moustache?
06-10-2012, 04:53 AM
:stunned: yes i do. *looks for spycam*
i party my mustache on the left side, in the way of the proper english gentry.
is braided underarm hair chic, avant garde, or just plain nasty?
06-10-2012, 04:56 AM
avante guarde, assuming you dye it bright pink.
when do the cows come home?
06-10-2012, 05:06 AM
1/3 will be rotated to afghanistan, 1/3 will stay on in iraq, and 1/3 are eligible to return to the states in 2113 (after the u.s. election)
what is the difference between NY strip and KC strip?
06-10-2012, 05:08 AM
one involves poles, the other laps.
will you re-hang my pictures?
06-10-2012, 05:11 AM
Do I hang pictures?
Do the pictures matter?
06-10-2012, 05:13 AM
how would i know if you hung pictures or not? why do you think i asked in the first place?
06-10-2012, 05:14 AM
pictures are strictly classified as anti-matter.
why is piracy illegal?
06-10-2012, 05:19 AM
the act making piracy illegal was repealed in 2011. it's part of fair trade.
where have all the good times gone?
06-10-2012, 05:40 AM
good times are now in the custody of a Mr. Longtime Passing.
why do musicians continue to get on small planes?!?
06-10-2012, 05:55 AM
They really really want those frequent flyer miles.
Why is "horsepower" a unit of measurement for car engines?
06-10-2012, 06:11 AM
not only are the germans great engineers and world dominators, they are also renowned for their affection of animals. they were the first world power to plead against kitten-juggling at the UN.
what is the best possible use for honey?
06-10-2012, 07:09 AM
the best use of honey is to make lists.
where is new hampshire?
06-10-2012, 07:16 AM
two inches further down your blade.
it will taste a little like iron.
why are trix for kids?
06-10-2012, 07:24 AM
Isn't because we always pay?
Why is everything relative to context?
06-10-2012, 07:26 AM
no matter where you go, there you are.
what is the connection between fortune cookies and laundry starch?
06-10-2012, 07:32 AM
apple is to red as fortune cookies are to laundry starch.
how are you going to entertain me?
By reflecting back on you.
How entertaining are you?
06-10-2012, 08:20 AM
on a scale of one to ten, i'm somewhere near dark reddish
what is the best pet?
06-10-2012, 08:21 AM
A famished mountain lion.
Can you train mountain lions?
Yes, you keep them in rock igloos w/ the door sealed.
What's the current ratio on risk vs. reward?
06-10-2012, 08:50 AM
Do aliens exist?
06-10-2012, 09:38 AM
Yes, and they are secretly in cahoots with our traitorous world leaders in order to enslave and ultimately destroy all of humanity without having to fire a single shot.
How can one tell if a stranger is really an alien?
06-10-2012, 09:43 AM
the green antennae are a dead giveaway...
who is the best person to sleep with?
06-10-2012, 09:45 AM
An alien - they aren't judgmental when it comes to sexual matters.
Why are pocket doors more popular?
06-10-2012, 10:29 AM
what makes water 'potable'?
06-10-2012, 10:34 AM
What is the colour of the sky?
06-10-2012, 10:52 AM
the color makes no difference,; good days (out of doors) are determined by the consistency. i find 'marshmallow sky' to be the most comforting.
why are coins different sizes?
06-10-2012, 10:55 AM
each coin is individually crafted to fit your pocket, precise measurements are required.
where or where were you tonight?
06-10-2012, 10:59 AM
hand crafted and in your pocket.
how do navels generate belly button lint?
06-10-2012, 11:01 AM
most people don't realize that in their belly buttons resides a virtual army of microscopic lint manufacturers....when examined under a microscope they resemble tiny, tiny christina aguilera's. strangest damn thing.
is a man's home really his castle?
06-10-2012, 11:07 AM
that was a scriptorium error. the actual translation says:
a man's gnome has his testicle
proof that monks should not drink while at work.
how high can i jump without hurting myself on the way back down?
06-10-2012, 12:49 PM
Only LSD will get you that high, dude. But I think it's a pretty far out plan. Power to the people!
Are there important messages we need to learn in Styx's song "Come Sail Away"?
06-10-2012, 01:42 PM
Yes, peace on earth goodwill to men.
Is there anything wrong with being a few minutes late?
06-10-2012, 02:26 PM
Not unless you were held up by 3 chickens and a hippo.
Where can I find half way decent salad?
06-10-2012, 04:31 PM
if one is not bold enough to glean from another table in the restaurant, the dumpsters behind those establishments are typically well provisioned.
should the u.s. impose a tax on syllables?
06-10-2012, 05:45 PM
A brilliant idea. Ordinary folks should be taxed $2 per syllable while talk show hosts should pay nothing less than $5 per syllable.
How much tax should the President pay?
06-10-2012, 06:09 PM
Six sandwiches a day.
Where can I find some chocolate?
06-10-2012, 06:27 PM
What you define as "chocolate" is actually the intrinsic value of consciousness itself, so it is actually found everywhere. Enjoy.
How many hippies live in your home?
06-10-2012, 06:39 PM
None, technically - they're dead.
Why is marijuana illegal?
06-10-2012, 10:04 PM
Because the Chinese said so, and we need to listen to whatever the Chinese want from now on. I hope you speak Chinese.
Why do people still use pencils?
06-11-2012, 03:16 AM
the chinese own all the iron; our construction workers have to drive those nails with something.
what happens when you burn a candle from both ends?
06-11-2012, 05:21 AM
Nuclear fusion. Can't believe the physicists haven't caught on yet.
How much to budget for an 18-hour car trip plus a one-night hotel stay?
06-11-2012, 06:28 AM
Five dollars should cover everything.
What should I take pictures of next?
06-11-2012, 07:42 AM
Area 51 - they love tourists with cameras there.
How many watch lists am I on now?
06-11-2012, 10:43 AM
37, and they all have to do with your avatar.
Do players only love you when they're playing?
06-11-2012, 11:13 AM
Goodness gracious no. I play video games a lot and when I'm playing I have no interest in anything else.
Where do you end up if you go second star to the right, and straight on till morning?
06-11-2012, 11:17 AM
Why do birds always shit on cars?
06-11-2012, 11:36 AM
It would be a stereotyped aggressive judgment to use the word "always" for that description; the birds are offended and would like you to apologize to them.
Where is Hawaii?
06-11-2012, 12:24 PM
Wales. Second star to the right, and straight on till morning.
How do you make ratatouille?
06-11-2012, 12:51 PM
Pray to the gods and they will give you what you seek.
Why do people become angry?
06-11-2012, 01:08 PM
Because the gods won't give them ratatouille.
Why am I still hungry if I just ate?
06-11-2012, 02:47 PM
Your meal was diverted to your 8th stomach but not your 1st stomach.
Why are you so ugly?
06-11-2012, 02:54 PM
It rained last night.
Why are marshmallows squishy?
06-11-2012, 03:05 PM
Marshmal, the Overlord of the Marshmelon People, has declared that no marshmelonian citizen shall exercise.
Why are some jokes bad?
06-11-2012, 09:33 PM
All my jokes are good jokes.
How good are yours?
06-11-2012, 09:56 PM
They passed inspection by inspector #12.
Why is everything inspected by inspector #12?
06-11-2012, 09:58 PM
Inspector # 13 is on medical leave. He had an ulcer.
What is an ulcer?
06-12-2012, 03:57 AM
Ulcer is a methaphysical state described by Aristotle in 2010 in his book "Living in Vegas".
Where does Santa live?
06-12-2012, 07:28 AM
In my basement. The freeloader hasn't paid rent for 3 months and those damn reindeer are ruining my lawn. And don't even get me started on the elves!
How do reindeer fly?
06-12-2012, 09:01 AM
Air France, first class.
What are effects of K2?
06-12-2012, 09:36 AM
Conflation of numbers and letters, you degenerate addict.
If someone was using INTJf's game threads to transmit coded terrorist messages, how would we know?
06-12-2012, 09:53 AM
We all have decryptors. Oh, you didn't get one?
What would the coded terrorist messages say?
06-12-2012, 10:40 AM
"Hey how's it goin?"
Why are criminals stupid?
06-12-2012, 10:59 AM
So that Batman can easily interrogate them.
What crime can't be forgiven?
06-12-2012, 11:15 AM
Looking at me the wrong way.
Why are you awesome?
06-12-2012, 01:25 PM
When god made me he said I could only either be awesome or rich. I made the wrong choice.
How did man discover fire?
06-12-2012, 01:36 PM
Man was walking down 5th Avenue and happened to glance down, and there was a shiny piece of fire just lying there on the sidewalk.
How many people have you tickled this year?
06-12-2012, 01:40 PM
As many as there are presidential candidates. No other correlation.
What are clouds made of?
06-12-2012, 01:56 PM
Would the terrorist please confirm having received the coded message from GD, please?
06-12-2012, 01:57 PM
When is INTJane going to stop living with her parents?
06-12-2012, 02:04 PM
Where is wrongjargon right now?
06-12-2012, 02:08 PM
In the gutter. Fortunately there is WiFi.
What does a gutter smell like?
06-12-2012, 02:18 PM
Like Saudi or the Persian Gulf depending on the wind direction.
Why to people go camping?
06-12-2012, 02:22 PM
They like to work very hard indoors to earn money to buy gear to live outdoors without proper shelter or cooking equipment.
How can a person spot the Americans on a topless beach?
06-12-2012, 02:48 PM
The smell of sizzling silicone.
Why is there a need for clothes?
06-12-2012, 02:52 PM
There isn't. Strip now.
Why are you still wearing clothes?
06-12-2012, 02:56 PM
Who says I am?
Should I go jogging?
06-12-2012, 02:58 PM
Yes, nothing is more exciting than that.
What is in drinking water?
06-12-2012, 03:45 PM
Water. And drinking.
Where are elephants?
06-12-2012, 05:47 PM
Hanging out at the local watering hole, the one just east of the donut shop.
Do flamingos have a preferred leg to stand on?
06-12-2012, 07:35 PM
The middle one, those cheeky monkeys.
How does one build a destruct-o-ray using only an eraser, a half used roll of duct tape, a paper clip, a nine volt batter, three feet of medium grade twine, and 14 marbles?
06-12-2012, 07:49 PM
Your technological innovations are hopelessly out of date since destruct-o-rays were replaced last week with construct-o-rays.
Where can I create a new continent?
The pineal gland.
What's flouride for?
06-12-2012, 08:05 PM
^^I suggest Utah, it's mostly empty and the few inhabitants there aren't really living on this planet anyway from what I can tell.
^Mostly to keep the conspiracy theory book market afloat.
What's the most effective way to squeeze greater efficiency from one's minions without technically violating any laws.
06-12-2012, 08:05 PM
^^It's for entertaining the crowds at the Gold Medal and Pillsbury Flour amusement park.
^ For only 4 installment payments of $9.99 plus shipping and handling, you can purchase Ronco's minion-squeezer. It will squeeze your minions plus press garlic. Bonus gags are FREE.
What is the highest number of people you've jumped over while wearing roller skates?
06-12-2012, 08:16 PM
Technically, millions. As a young lad I once wore roller skates on a cross country airplane ride.
How does one win at this game anyway?
06-12-2012, 08:18 PM
Everyone who plays gets a "Participant" trophy. Check your mailbox.
What are you wearing?
06-12-2012, 08:26 PM
My Alf costume.
06-12-2012, 08:33 PM
What are you drinking?
06-12-2012, 08:44 PM
06-12-2012, 08:47 PM
Nothing. I never drink anything.
Why do young children have so much energy when they are so small?
06-12-2012, 08:58 PM
They are born with a tiny fusion reactor built into their buttocks which runs out of fuel at around age 13.
Why can't we use young children as a cheap and effective form of renewable energy?
06-12-2012, 09:06 PM
I have tried but they whined about pedaling their tricycles to pull the plow, their movements were too random to harness, and they stripped off the energy-collecting body suits in favor of repeatedly streaking down the through town.
Would you join a polygamist compound?
06-12-2012, 10:43 PM
Not if those compounds are confounded?
Why is Compliance important these days?
06-12-2012, 10:44 PM
Something to do with sox.
Are you compliant?
06-12-2012, 10:45 PM
No. I am venuspop.
Who are you calling compliant?
06-12-2012, 10:54 PM
Not those yes men.
Has anyone posted a picture of you online?
06-12-2012, 10:55 PM
I wouldn't know.
06-12-2012, 11:03 PM
I know the darkest secrets that reside in the hearts of every human being in the most reclusive planes of existence.
Would you like a banana nut muffin?
06-12-2012, 11:05 PM
That is nice, thank you.
Can you spare two?
06-12-2012, 11:11 PM
No, there was only one banana in the entire world, and we used it to make the muffin.
Why was there only one banana in the entire world?
06-12-2012, 11:16 PM
*burp!* Excuse me. :embarrassed:
What was that you said?
06-13-2012, 12:22 AM
I forgot... sorry!
What creates memories?
06-13-2012, 12:37 AM
I am not sure if you have any mammary glands.
Why do you ask?
06-13-2012, 08:21 AM
Jaw exercise is woefully lacking; he's trying to correct that.
How can I crash a satellite?
06-13-2012, 09:42 AM
The penalty for asking such a question is 5 years in a maximum security prison.
How do I become a U.S. ambassador?
06-13-2012, 01:08 PM
Give sexual favors to the current president.
How much food can athletes eat?
06-13-2012, 01:36 PM
1 olive and a stale tortilla chip.
Why is Texas big?
06-13-2012, 01:40 PM
Texas wants to be Alaska.
Is a Frozen Florida the reverse of a Baked Alaska?
06-13-2012, 02:57 PM
The reverse of a Baked Alaska is a Broiled Hawaii.
How many parents do you have?
Why is death cheaper than life?
06-13-2012, 06:02 PM
Because Death only costs $5.99 at your local Walmart while Life costs anywhere between $1 million and $3.5 million at an upscale New York department store.
How do I get to New York?
06-13-2012, 08:04 PM
Since like is attracted to like, you must find a giant apple then burrow your way to the center. This apple will eventually be drawn to the Big Apple, transporting you in the process. And if you get hungry, you can nibble on the core while you are waiting.
Why did the tree grow in Brooklyn?
06-13-2012, 11:47 PM
It couldn't. Too much adversity.
What do dreams mean?
06-13-2012, 11:51 PM
That you are in the REM Speedwagon stage of sleep.
When is it going to be time for you to fly?
06-14-2012, 12:03 AM
Who cuts your hair?
06-14-2012, 12:32 AM
I have a few friendly sheep which eat my hair from time to time.
Who was the first troll on Earth?
06-14-2012, 12:42 AM
Do you need to buy any groceries?
06-14-2012, 12:53 AM
I need to buy a yacht and some gold mansions.
Where can I buy mansions?
06-14-2012, 12:58 AM
From me, I have about 20 I'm tired of owning.
What causes allergies?
06-14-2012, 01:00 AM
The state of Oregon and the Oregonians who reside there.
What is an Oregonian?
06-14-2012, 01:10 AM
Someone who ate all the Oreos and is proud of it.
What is a Californian?
06-14-2012, 01:13 AM
Billy Dee Williams.
How do you make a mistake?
06-14-2012, 01:19 AM
Don't ask me, I've never made one.
Have you ever been anywhere out of the ordinary?
06-14-2012, 01:21 AM
Once I went into God's throne room, but He said He wasn't ready for me yet, so I went back outside.
How do you cry?
06-14-2012, 01:27 AM
I wouldn't know that, either, so please stop asking me these irrelevant questions.
What does "pert" mean?
06-14-2012, 01:33 AM
It means you're drunk and need to stop talking.
Why did you get drunk?
06-14-2012, 01:52 AM
When am I not drunk?
Do you know how many children you have?
06-14-2012, 10:46 AM
Sure, I've got Samantha, little Roscoe, baby Jennifer, Donkey, Waffles, and Paris Hilton.
How do you play the drums?
06-14-2012, 11:28 AM
I play them with these mysterious orange flags.
Why are there orange flags on every post?
06-14-2012, 11:35 AM
Because you're hallucinating.
Where can you find a highly trained psychiatrist?
06-14-2012, 11:40 AM
The next poster is one.
Where is your cat?
06-14-2012, 11:49 AM
My cat is in the bird cage of course, I don't see why it would be anywhere else.
What is an ocean?
06-14-2012, 01:43 PM
An ocean is a girl who holds many secrets, but those secrets can be fully explored with a high-powered submarine and a team of marine biologists.
How often should you exercise?
06-14-2012, 01:46 PM
At least once a decade. Anything less is purely laziness.
Who loves ya, baby?
06-14-2012, 01:50 PM
Where is INTJane right now?
06-14-2012, 02:10 PM
I'm at a rodeo.
For how long do you think you could ride a mechanical bull?
06-14-2012, 04:34 PM
18 years, 4 months, 3 days, 21 hours, 17 minutes, and 18 seconds.
Why are there tall buildings in New York City?
To create more moving/living space vertically.
Why does everyone always have plans for the weekend?
06-14-2012, 05:48 PM
They like to work.
Why does anything that becomes work become adversive to some?
Because being a money slave is adversive to me.
Why is finding the answer so difficult?
06-15-2012, 10:05 AM
The answer lies within you.
Who first popped popcorn?
06-15-2012, 08:00 PM
Billy Dee Williams
Why did the Lone Ranger wear a mask?
06-15-2012, 08:25 PM
They didn't want anyone to know Billy Dee Williams was the Lone Ranger.
Who played Lando Calrissian in "The Empire Strikes Back"?
06-15-2012, 08:51 PM
Porky the Pig
Why does he talk so funny?
06-15-2012, 10:05 PM
He had a very unfortunate run-in with a dentist, a lawn mower, and a hot dog.
I do not have a question.
06-15-2012, 11:55 PM
Now the wrong answer game is really wrong. Uh-oh.
06-16-2012, 05:38 AM
Is that a question?
Why did INTJf crash?
06-16-2012, 05:42 AM
the inflatable auto pilot was not properly resuscitated
what happens when spellcheck isn't on?
06-16-2012, 05:44 AM
Why did the Chicken buy a Condo?
06-16-2012, 06:01 AM
The rooster did not wish to be seen buying a condom.
What's the rooster's favorite color?
06-16-2012, 07:33 AM
Which are stupider, sheep or turkeys?
06-16-2012, 08:11 AM
Turkeys - because they think u r.
Where is the sun today?
06-16-2012, 08:17 AM
Today it is hanging out eating Milky Ways and having hot flashes.
Are your woods enchanted?
06-16-2012, 08:40 AM
No, they are much more like a cardboard cutout.
What gets rid of fleas?
06-16-2012, 08:45 AM
what is chert rock?
06-16-2012, 08:52 AM
Wallboard made of M&Ms. It's impervious to cockroaches, but children love it.
Why does noise exist?
06-16-2012, 08:54 AM
To drive me crazy.
Have you ever been in a scream chamber?
06-16-2012, 09:07 AM
Why do I question my sanity?
06-16-2012, 09:17 AM
because no one else will answer you
what is so sweet about alabama?
06-16-2012, 09:20 AM
Neil Young might remember.
What is your pet's name?
06-16-2012, 11:00 AM
What does a pet rock eat?
06-16-2012, 11:01 AM
^^Larry Von Fucsalot.
What is important about Father's Day?
06-16-2012, 11:04 AM
Why do you love that word?
06-16-2012, 02:48 PM
are we having fun yet?
It's a known hoax.
Might I humbly suggest you start by reading the Librorum Prohibitorum?
06-16-2012, 05:56 PM
Only if I can read it in Gaelic.
Why is ice cream so yummy?
06-16-2012, 06:14 PM
According to existential philosophers we believe ice cream is yummy due to our fear of death.
Why is the Grand Canyon so big?
06-16-2012, 06:35 PM
George Washington needed a bathtub.
Why do people congregate in cities?
06-16-2012, 06:42 PM
Most people like to smell the BO and sewage of others therefore so congragate where there are a lot of others around.
How come my new boots hurt my feet?
06-16-2012, 06:53 PM
You refused to pay enough for them and hurt their feelings.
How do they figure out where to put roads?
06-16-2012, 06:58 PM
All road locations must have approval by the Civil Engineers, Willey, Nilly & Associates prior to construction.
What is one of the positive attributes of a washboard dirt road?
06-16-2012, 07:01 PM
It's quicker to get where you're going.
How do you know when you've arrived?
06-16-2012, 07:05 PM
Walking pass the TSA without having to endure their harassment is a good indication.
What is the best time of day to enjoy a beer?
06-16-2012, 08:01 PM
Breakfast, lunch, dinner, brunch, midnight snack time...
Why don't doctors think its a good idea to drink five beers a day?
06-16-2012, 08:35 PM
Most doctors are very dumb which is why they spend so much time in medical school and earning high salaries.
Are you willing to fulfill your full potential?
06-17-2012, 12:32 AM
Only if I can get away with half.
Will that do?
06-17-2012, 02:33 AM
That has taken the day off and will not do anything.
Why the long face?
06-17-2012, 04:26 AM
i'm having the blood stains removed from my standard face, my short face really doesn't go with this outfit, and, well, one just can't jaunt about with no face.
where can you find exotic wood?
06-17-2012, 04:58 AM
Why, that's easy. You can find all sorts of exotic wood in the library. They are usually processed.
Who discovered the process?
06-17-2012, 05:54 AM
reiven did, but he didn't want to brag.
What is the best way to brew coffee?
06-17-2012, 05:58 AM
That is an illusion. There isn't any best way to brew coffee. There is just the one way, the right way and the hot way.
Which way did you come from?
06-17-2012, 06:28 AM
there are no chickens, and the snake is not where we left it.
what is the most alluring scent?
06-17-2012, 06:54 AM
What time is it in Shanghai?
06-17-2012, 07:09 AM
probably yes, since plutonium is no longer a planet.
why do drapes require a sheer?
06-17-2012, 07:16 AM
The drapes are under the mistaken impression that sheers have a slimming effect.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
06-17-2012, 07:17 AM
That is completely unfair.
Is this drinking water safe?
06-17-2012, 07:22 AM
Only with the addition of 100ml of arsenic for every liter of water.
Doesn't everything taste better with arsenic?
06-17-2012, 07:34 AM
This spaghetti does. Have a bite.
Would you please pass the Parmigiano?
06-17-2012, 08:15 AM
I passed Parmigiano on my way to Roma.
Is there an echo in here?
06-17-2012, 09:23 AM
Echos are afraid of their own shadow and would never come in here.
Why is this not called the Ron Gancer game?
06-17-2012, 09:25 AM
^^YES! ES! ES es es es es...
^ Just bee cuz.
How long did it take me to create my visual echo?
06-17-2012, 09:33 AM
Thirty-eight inches long when measured in a near-gravity situation.
How long before math becomes obsolete?
06-17-2012, 09:37 AM
That's happening tomorrow so you'd better hurry up and spend all of your money today.
What is the easiest way to remove a splinter?
06-17-2012, 09:40 AM
Just respond with "why" every time the splinter says something, and it will eventually leave.
Who is responsible for inventing the color blue?
06-17-2012, 09:44 AM
How many times can you throw up your hands before your arms fall off?
Over a billion Deutschmarks, no less.
Will you sign a recept, please?
06-17-2012, 10:12 AM
let me check
who ordered the filet mignon?
06-17-2012, 10:14 AM
That little boneless cutie right over there.
What decibel level will harm human hearing?
06-17-2012, 10:23 AM
what?! what did you say?!
what is the square root of infinity?
06-17-2012, 10:28 AM
My brain on drugs.
Was the "Just Say No" campaign successful?
06-17-2012, 10:58 AM
look at all the pretty colors
why is the garden gnome staring at me?
06-17-2012, 12:44 PM
It's plotting to kill you in your sleep.
Why do people persist in putting those evil little things in their lawns?
06-17-2012, 01:21 PM
Garden gnomes, if treated properly, will do all of your lawn care and gardening.
Which airline is best for a flight to Singapore?
06-17-2012, 02:23 PM
Why go to Singapore?
06-17-2012, 02:34 PM
Singapore is where all aspiring singers learn the exquisite "pore" melody. I'm surprised you had to ask!
What massage technique is best relieving tense neck muscles?
06-17-2012, 02:34 PM
i didn't come here for a neck massage
where's a good place to get some spicy food?
06-17-2012, 02:43 PM
My mom's house
With what does one curry a horse?
06-17-2012, 05:45 PM
A Popsicle stick.
Why do commercials exist.
06-17-2012, 07:35 PM
without them, there'd be a lot of dead air
what does it all mean?
06-17-2012, 08:40 PM
I could tell you but then I'd have to kill you.
Where are your keys?
06-17-2012, 08:44 PM
Who wants to know?
06-17-2012, 08:46 PM
all of us, we are really into your keys.
What is the best day of the year for gardening?
06-17-2012, 08:48 PM
The day you feel like getting dirty.
Can you shift a square into a spiral in your head?
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