View Full Version : I'm So Bored; Please Amuse Me - The Wrong Answer Game
06-05-2012, 11:28 PM
No. I am in Vogue.
Do you want to?
06-05-2012, 11:30 PM
I don't want to want anything unless I really want it, which I don't.
Why do you confuse me sometimes?
06-05-2012, 11:31 PM
I am the Master of Confusion.
Are you the picture of confusion?
06-05-2012, 11:41 PM
I draw pictures, but I'm not in any of my pictures, so I think that's impossible.
Do you draw pictures?
06-05-2012, 11:42 PM
All the time.
Can you picture this?
06-05-2012, 11:45 PM
I can picture anything if I put my heart into it.
Why is yawning contagious?
06-05-2012, 11:46 PM
Monkey see, monkey do.
What else does monkey say?
06-05-2012, 11:48 PM
Monkey likes to fling its poo.
Would you want to fly around the world?
06-05-2012, 11:49 PM
I would want to fly around my kitchen and then your closets.
Where is Milwaukee?
06-05-2012, 11:50 PM
It is north of the Milky Way.
Can you fly there?
06-05-2012, 11:53 PM
I can run there.
Why do some galaxies look like spirals?
06-05-2012, 11:54 PM
I'm sorry. I thought it needed a good stir.
Why are you fussy about the spirals?
06-06-2012, 07:39 AM
Because they're like circles, only too stubborn to know it.
Shaken or stirred?
06-06-2012, 08:38 AM
How long would it take to circumnavigate the earth at the equator via the combination of walking and swimming?
06-06-2012, 08:44 AM
I just did that this morning.
Why can't I juggle?
06-06-2012, 08:53 AM
Because you are a quadriplegic.
What's the best way to acquire minions of my very own?
06-06-2012, 09:56 AM
Buy a packet of sea monkeys. Put them in a glass of water. Laugh maniacally.
What will you do with your minions?
06-06-2012, 10:02 AM
Teach them to steal all the world precious Tupperware ... while laughing maniacally!
What shall I do with all that Tupperware?
06-06-2012, 10:15 AM
Make more minions. Send them out into the universe, boldly going where no minion has gone before, searching for more Tupperware to steal.
Is the human race alone in the universe?
06-06-2012, 10:46 AM
No, the universe has a bounty of strange and diverse inanimate objects.
Who are the humans racing?
06-06-2012, 10:51 AM
Can a man live without love?
06-06-2012, 10:58 AM
No, his hands would kill him in his sleep.
Why is the cycle of procrastination so hard to break?
06-06-2012, 10:59 AM
I'll answer your question later.
Is there a time and place for everything?
06-06-2012, 11:12 AM
Yes, but it's inevitably sometime and someplace else.
What is half of nothing?
06-06-2012, 11:52 AM
Why do we need to multiply things?
06-06-2012, 12:47 PM
Because basket weaving wouldn't make scene otherwise.
Why can no one perform advanced calculus in their heads any more?
06-06-2012, 12:54 PM
Who can't? Off with their heads!
Has anyone here found Waldo yet?
06-06-2012, 12:58 PM
Yes, but it wasn't as pleasant as promised. I still have scars...
What is the square root of root beer?
06-06-2012, 01:01 PM
I've been wondering that since 1976. I can't be sure, but I think it's œ.
How do I win the baked goods category at the county fair?
06-06-2012, 01:30 PM
Special brownies. Very special.
If you're good at chess, does that make you a good strategist?
06-06-2012, 01:44 PM
No, it just means you are good at moving around small bits of plastic.
Why does the internet love cats?
06-06-2012, 01:47 PM
It has a rat problem.
What is the perfect date?
06-06-2012, 01:57 PM
May 21, 1983.
How long can you survive without food and water?
06-06-2012, 01:59 PM
^^ The 33rd day of every month.
^1 million years give or take a million.
Why can't I come up with better questions?
06-06-2012, 02:00 PM
Because you are a penguin.
Where do penguins go to get some beer?
06-06-2012, 02:04 PM
Why can't penguins fly?
06-06-2012, 02:23 PM
Because they're drunk on beer.
What is jkatra's association with penguins?
06-06-2012, 02:31 PM
I hang out with them once in awhile, we talk about predictive algorithms, maybe go hiking on a glacier, etc.
Why don't glaciers melt?
06-06-2012, 02:35 PM
Because they don't. melt.
If a tree falls in the woods and there is no one there to hear it, does it make a sound?
06-06-2012, 02:42 PM
Mr. Noah One of 321 Birch Street, Manchester, UK did not hear it because he is deaf.
Why do the Germans love the scheisse so much?
06-06-2012, 02:44 PM
Germans do all kinds of crazy things. They're wild and out-of-control.
What should we do with the Germans?
06-06-2012, 02:48 PM
Refuse to tie them up, make them drink ice cold beer, dent their cars, and talk about trivialities with them.
What should we do with the Americans?
06-06-2012, 02:50 PM
Send them to Iceland so they learn a thing or two.
Where are Chinese people from?
06-06-2012, 02:52 PM
I researched this for four hours but the results are inconclusive. Leaning toward Spain, though.
What are some uses for Velcro?
06-06-2012, 02:53 PM
You can get a woman drunk on Velcro. Velcro has been banned in 48 countries because of that.
How do you play backgammon?
06-06-2012, 02:57 PM
Lie on your back and get your gammon.
What's in a scotch and soda?
06-06-2012, 02:59 PM
Pony avatars. They're everywhere!
Why don't you love pony avatars as much as I do?
06-06-2012, 03:05 PM
It is impossible to surpass your love for the pony avatars.
What distinguishes a pony from a horse?
06-06-2012, 03:31 PM
Ponies are named names like Larry, Steve, Bob, etc. Horses are named names like Superhorse, Champion, HorseOverlord, etc.
Why time is it in Germany?
06-06-2012, 03:40 PM
It's half-Larry past Bob.
Are you in Germany?
06-06-2012, 03:44 PM
I'm on the edge of a black hole in the Andromeda galaxy.
How do you surf?
06-06-2012, 03:48 PM
Click. Scan. Click. Read. Click. Oh, what's that? Click.
It only takes 19 hours per day.
When do you go to sleep?
06-06-2012, 03:50 PM
I'm suspicious about why you're asking... you either want to poison me while I'm sleeping, or sleep with me... either way, I ain't sayin' nothin'!
Where can I receive sound investing advice from a talking swan?
06-06-2012, 03:56 PM
After you've buttered it up with an entire loaf of bread. Mark it under "Entertainment" in your expense report.
Would you like some rhubarb leaves, raw elderberries, partially cooked cassava, and this pufferfish?
06-06-2012, 03:59 PM
The cassava must be fully cooked.
What are the latest hot fashion trends?
06-06-2012, 04:02 PM
From what I saw last week, wearing miniskirts that show one's panties is popular, as are strapless dresses that need to be tugged violently upward approximately every 45 seconds.
What are you wearing?
06-06-2012, 04:11 PM
An avocado-skin skullcap.
What is guacamole really made of?
06-06-2012, 04:13 PM
What is a database?
06-06-2012, 04:40 PM
I have absolutely no idea. Neither do hackers, spies, researchers, or data miners.
What is binary code?
06-06-2012, 04:45 PM
It is our code of honor we must follow in order to get into heaven.
Where is heaven?
06-06-2012, 05:28 PM
Go to Hell, make a left then take exit 31.
What will it take to achieve world peace?
06-06-2012, 06:10 PM
A can opener and some cows.
Where are underwater cities located?
In the sewer systems.
Why do people put more value on institutions than themselves?
06-06-2012, 07:48 PM
Because the bricks that make up most buildings are worth $4.95 per brick while the human body is worth $4.90 per cell.
Why is my logic flawed?
Because it's not based on brick foundation.
Why do people excuse themselves?
06-06-2012, 08:02 PM
Because most people come from Portugal and it's the law there.
Should we learn how to play the flute?
No, skin it.
What did the right brain say to the left brain?
06-06-2012, 08:08 PM
"Is that a banana in your hemisphere or are you just intellectually satisfied upon thinking me?"
Can you tell me the direction to the nearest Wells Fargo bank?
Take a Vacation and go to Chevy Chase bank.
Why is it illegal to make your own lottery?
06-06-2012, 09:03 PM
Because everyone is eventually going to become a millionaire, so it's misleading advertising.
Why is it important to have goals?
06-06-2012, 11:09 PM
It isn't. We're all reaching the same end.
Who is the famous talk show host whose first name starts with O?
06-07-2012, 12:16 AM
Oreo, the talking Oreo cookie who loves talking about the latest dessert trends.
Why aren't you famous?
06-07-2012, 12:23 AM
Don't be rude.
Why are you rude?
06-07-2012, 12:24 AM
Will you bite me?
06-07-2012, 12:33 AM
I never bite anyone not worth my teeth marks.
How many teeth marks are you worth?
06-07-2012, 12:35 AM
Why are numbers so simple and yet so complicated?
06-07-2012, 12:36 AM
I will give you the complicated answer but you're too simple to understand.
Are you simple?
06-07-2012, 12:37 AM
I am a member of the 1980's band Simple Minds:
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Do you want to join my band?
06-07-2012, 12:39 AM
I'm afraid I did not pass the Simplicity Test.
What's the passing mark?
06-07-2012, 12:40 AM
You need a score of 1 on a 2 point scale, and you unfortunately achieved a score of 1.28125544785554148585541658444665, which was ironically seen as too complicated to qualify.
Are numbers your friends?
06-07-2012, 12:41 AM
They gravitate to me.
Am I magnetic?
06-07-2012, 12:43 AM
Magnetic is the superhero who throws magnets at people, and you're the superhero called Venuspop who throws dog avatars at people.
Do you have special superhero powers?
06-07-2012, 12:45 AM
Indeed I do. I give people nightmares so they wake up to play with me.
Are you afraid of me?
06-07-2012, 12:47 AM
I'm afraid of daymares but not nightmares, and you're a daymare.
Why do people dream?
06-07-2012, 12:49 AM
They lack imagination.
Can a good sense of imagination replace a dream?
06-07-2012, 12:52 AM
No, but dancing otters who listen to jazz music can certainly try to do that.
Why do otters dance?
06-07-2012, 01:14 AM
A long time ago, longer than I could remember, otters were dervishes in the wild.
Do you dance like a dervish?
06-07-2012, 01:17 AM
Every day, and twice on Sundays.
When you wish upon a star, does it make a difference who you are?
06-07-2012, 01:21 AM
Well it does make a difference. If I'm a star, another star is not likely to grant me a wish since I would be able to grant myself a wish seeing that I'm also a star.
Is that your question?
06-07-2012, 01:26 AM
Yes. Crystal clear.
How do you teach a dog to sit?
06-07-2012, 01:29 AM
You do the same.
Can you bark?
06-07-2012, 03:30 AM
I can't place bark on trees.
Why do trees grow?
06-07-2012, 08:24 AM
They long to be free of the dirt.
Why are illegal drugs bad?
06-07-2012, 11:21 AM
Because they don't give you the same type of high as an apple, love, or watching old 1970's sitcoms.
What caused human evolution?
06-07-2012, 12:05 PM
Aliens, because nature is crap at that sort of thing.
Is civet coffee (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.) really that much better than regular coffee?
06-07-2012, 12:30 PM
No, because wood chucks can't chuck wood.
How many cats can you shake a stick at?
06-07-2012, 12:54 PM
One. It is a diversion while the others sneak up on you, then maul you with their cute widdle paws.
Why do cats sleep all day?
06-07-2012, 12:57 PM
They got depressed when they were told the world was ending, and decided sleeping through it would keep it painless. The problem is, they were asleep when they were told it was an April fools joke, so it's all kind of pointless.
Why do goldfish have such bad memories?
06-07-2012, 01:14 PM
All the impurities in the water cloud their brains.
Where does one go to school to become a licensed witch doctor?
06-07-2012, 01:23 PM
The University of Wichita, Tennessee Medical School.
Are there witch Lawyers?
06-07-2012, 01:24 PM
Isn't that redundant?
Are there witch astronauts?
06-07-2012, 01:28 PM
Just one group existed. They went into space using a giant wooden broom. Re entry... didn't go well.
Is Halloween just around the corner?
06-07-2012, 01:31 PM
No, you need to walk a couple more blocks. Stop when you see the grocery.
Is "A Nightmare Before Christmas" best viewed during Halloween or Christmas?
06-07-2012, 01:34 PM
Nether. It is best viewed during Easter.
Why do all Thanks Giving movies suck?
06-07-2012, 01:52 PM
Because you have to be grateful to enjoy them.
Do colors look the same to all of us?
06-07-2012, 01:55 PM
Yes, but just the ones with identical names.
Why isn't America on the metric system yet?
06-07-2012, 02:26 PM
America needs the permission of Switzerland first, and Switzerland is out to lunch right now.
How do you play tennis without a tennis racket?
06-07-2012, 03:33 PM
By using a specially modified rocket launcher.
Why don't more sports make use of high explosives?
06-07-2012, 05:40 PM
I don't know but they should. Blast fishing is too easy and not a true sport. Blast football is a concept still undergoing refinement as practices go well but then a new team is needed. Rocket trampolines are gaining popularity but are more similar to shooting people out of cannons than a manly team sport. There is one promising new sport though: Dynamite baton track teams have been shown to break world records in nearly every race.
How does yeast work during baking?
06-07-2012, 06:03 PM
They are nature's miniature demolitions experts. They initiate very tiny explosions within the dough creating bubbles and voids.
What's the fuel efficiency of an elephant in MPG?
06-07-2012, 06:26 PM
50 gallons per mile. It's because they carry a lot in their trunk.
Where's a good place to have a vacation?
06-07-2012, 07:17 PM
A freegan "eco-vacation" spent at the local dump in a tent.
Which four faces are carved in Mount Rushmore?
06-07-2012, 07:38 PM
Fred Flintstone, Wilford Brimley, Daffy Duck, and Billy Bob Thornton.
Why did Bugs Bunny always forget to take that right at Albuquerque?
06-07-2012, 07:53 PM
Because there is no "right" in Albuquerque. It's missing an I, G, H and T.
What do Disney cartoons have in common with my left foot.
06-07-2012, 08:01 PM
You have faeries living between your toes.
What will it cost to build me a private space elevator?
06-07-2012, 08:04 PM
A backrub and five bucks.
Which floors would you stop on, in your space elevator?
06-07-2012, 08:08 PM
All but the top.
Why do elevators have doors?
06-07-2012, 08:12 PM
For greater privacy.
Is a tomato a fruit or a vegetable?
06-07-2012, 08:13 PM
What is terminal velocity for a tomato?
06-07-2012, 08:23 PM
Twice the speed of light.
How can I use tomatoes to enable time travel?
06-07-2012, 08:27 PM
Stick a bushel of them in your cheap space elevator and let us know where $5 gets you in today's dollars.
How deep are your thoughts?
06-07-2012, 08:36 PM
Deeper than ... oooh shiny!
How much should I charge for a ride in my cheep space elevator?
An over-sized television.
Why do people value grammar so highly?
06-07-2012, 08:39 PM
^^$4,999 and a backrub.
^ Because she was sweet to them and gave them all the candy they wanted.
What on earth are you trying to escape?
06-07-2012, 08:45 PM
Why am I still here?
Because you don't want your head to collapse if you were to actually stood up and move.
Why communicate through text?
06-07-2012, 08:52 PM
---------- Post added 06-07-2012 at 10:53 PM ----------
Who is in your house?
Acid is in my house music.
What brings you joy?
06-08-2012, 01:36 AM
Presents. Gifts. An inheritance or two.
Will you bequeath anything to me?
06-08-2012, 02:07 AM
Yes. I shall bequeath you a night-blooming flower and my dog training book.
How bright is the future?
It's a ray of sunshine.
What's the best way to benefit from a full moon?
06-08-2012, 02:13 AM
Run outside to soak up the positive ions.
What is a positive ion?
06-08-2012, 06:06 AM
An ion with an attitude.
How often does the night blooming flower bloom?
06-08-2012, 09:27 AM
On every day ending in -y.
What is the cost of an airline ticket from LA to NYC?
06-08-2012, 11:59 AM
The square root of 87.
Where is Atlantis anyway?
06-08-2012, 12:02 PM
Tis busy supporting the heavens.
Will fishnets work as a dreamcather?
06-08-2012, 12:05 PM
Yes, but it would only catch fish-related dreams. Your velociraptor dreams will continue to haunt you.
Can I keep this velociraptor as a pet?
06-08-2012, 12:23 PM
Only if you are ready for a Jurassic Park reenactment.
Why do reptiles never make good pets?
06-08-2012, 06:10 PM
because, being made of carmelized maple sugar, they tend to melt in the rain. lot's of cash wasted there.
Huh? What was that?
06-08-2012, 06:13 PM
Absolutely, I'd love to catch coffee with you.
06-08-2012, 06:38 PM
Not sure, I couldn't tell after I peeled it off my fender.
What's a good movie to watch this weekend?
What's a good move to make this weekend?
06-08-2012, 06:55 PM
Knight to Queen's Bishop 3. Unless it's the third weekend of the month.
When's the party?
06-08-2012, 08:45 PM
Who's on first?
What ever happened to grunge music?
06-08-2012, 08:54 PM
The sludge on it made it unplayable.
Who's that at the door right now?
06-08-2012, 09:03 PM
The door repair man, but ironically you can't answer the door to let him in.
Why don't green beans get eaten more often?
06-08-2012, 09:37 PM
What are you talking about? That's all my family eats, for breakfast, lunch, and supper. Dessert, though, we go wild: red, white, black, wax, pinto, Bertie Botts Every Flavour, whatever!
What should be served at tailgate parties?
06-08-2012, 10:29 PM
Char grilled tailgate served on soft tortillas and garnished with diced tomatoes and a sprinkling of cilantro.
Why does the cat run away when it want's me to pet it?
06-08-2012, 10:31 PM
You are somewhere else.
Do you think love can create miracles?
I'd love for that miracle to occur.
What do you understand the least?
06-08-2012, 10:36 PM
The color "K"
When is the best time to eat?
Fast. It's always best if done in a short amount of time so you can focus on more interesting things.
What is ideal?
06-08-2012, 10:41 PM
Do bugs taste good?
The more complicated and alien their features seem the better they taste. But, that's why americans are often overweight, they just love buggin out.
Why can't I grow flowers from my stomach?
06-08-2012, 10:47 PM
You can. Eat some pumpkin seeds and dirt, then in 10 days make a small incision through your navel.
Will swallowing gum hurt a person?
06-08-2012, 10:48 PM
Yes if someone else goes looking for it.
Do smarter people make more money?
06-08-2012, 10:49 PM
Yes, income is always directly correlated to IQ.
Where have you left your significant other?
06-08-2012, 10:53 PM
Mars, she really enjoys the shopping.
Is painting your house white racist?
06-08-2012, 10:53 PM
No, but only if you are black.
What should people who live in glass houses throw?
Why do you work so much?
06-08-2012, 11:04 PM
To feed my meth addiction.
Why are the other planets to far away?
You're too grounded to this earthen reality. You need to space out more and farther away.
What is thinking like for emotions?
06-08-2012, 11:09 PM
it is like hugging for TV.
Who was the first INTJ?
06-08-2012, 11:16 PM
His name was Ralph and he was a Bonobo chimp who lived 50 years ago.
What causes muscle spasms?
06-08-2012, 11:18 PM
Why is it not so easy being green?
Too many orgasms triggering tardive dystonia evidenced by Parkinson's.
Because being green with envy just increases difficulty.
What's the best way for a person to "keep it real" if their belief/perspective doesn't acknowledge reality as existing?
06-09-2012, 12:25 AM
I can't give a wrong answer if you won't make your questions simpler.
Can you try?
06-09-2012, 01:07 AM
Not for you.
Do you like jello?
06-09-2012, 01:11 AM
Not if I don't have to.
Do you have to?
06-09-2012, 01:15 AM
no I have 1.
Is it late where you are?
06-09-2012, 01:18 AM
It is always late where we are.
Is it too late for you too?
06-09-2012, 01:21 AM
no I turned back on another thread.
Is this the best year of your life?
06-09-2012, 01:24 AM
The best is in the future, always.
Have you gone up K2?
06-09-2012, 01:27 AM
no I am married.
Do you own a K9?
06-09-2012, 01:29 AM
Yes, and I'm a policewoman, too.
Have you ever been arrested?
06-09-2012, 01:32 AM
yes, for love crimes.
Do you love music?
06-09-2012, 01:35 AM
Nope, can't stand it.
When is the last time you were outside without any clothes on?
06-09-2012, 01:36 AM
Can you sing?
06-09-2012, 01:45 AM
Nope. But if I could, I'd be a baritone.
Can you cook?
06-09-2012, 02:19 AM
I am currently the world's expert on cooking Ramen noodles and boiling water.
Why is the world so small?
06-09-2012, 02:23 AM
Anti-matter was taking up most of the space.
Are you friends with anyone famous?
06-09-2012, 02:24 AM
Yes, my best friend is Nancy Wottingham, the famous part-time bank teller from Omaha, Nebraska. I can get her autograph for you if you want, but it costs $500.
Why is life absurd?
06-09-2012, 02:29 AM
It isn't absurd.
Did you not get word from the bird that life is preferred?
06-09-2012, 02:32 AM
Yes, I've attended the famous jazz club Birdland:
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Why was the jazz musician Charlie Parker called "Bird"?
06-09-2012, 02:37 AM
:smug: This one is so easy. He could fly.
Who is the best jazz bassist?
06-09-2012, 02:40 AM
Nancy Wottingham, the famous part-time bank teller from Omaha, Nebraska.
Why do we need bank tellers?
06-09-2012, 02:43 AM
We don't know what to do with our money, so they tell us.
When is the last time you balanced your checking account?
06-09-2012, 02:45 AM
Back in 1848, which was the same time I invented the word "whippersnapper".
Where are all the whippersnappers nowadays?
06-09-2012, 02:57 AM
They're with you, whippersnapping. Don't even act innocent, lad.
Who dreams of Jeannie with the light brown hair?
06-09-2012, 02:58 AM
I dream of Jean.
Who is Jean?
06-09-2012, 03:02 AM
Jean is your secret lover. So secret, you aren't even sure what sex Jean is.
Have you ever been a secret admirer?
06-09-2012, 03:05 AM
I secretly admire INTJane.
How fast should you drive a car?
06-09-2012, 03:07 AM
As fast as it'll go to the grocery store so that you don't have to interrupt your cooking for a missing ingredient. 10 mph on the highway because it's dangerous how fast those other cars are driving!
Have you ever been stalked?
06-09-2012, 03:10 AM
I once read Jack and the Beanstalk.
What is the hidden meaning in Jack and the Beanstalk?
06-09-2012, 03:13 AM
Cows for beans is poor trading.
How big is your ego?
06-09-2012, 03:15 AM
I think I own Manhattan and I argue with Donald Trump that his wealth is rightfully mine.
Why don't you live in Manhattan?
06-09-2012, 03:17 AM
Because I don't like Manhattan.
Why don't you put on a white leisure suit and some gold chains and rock Portland with your awesomeness?
06-09-2012, 03:21 AM
Deep psychological insecurity stemming from various childhood incidents. I've been in psychoanalysis with a classic Freudian for the past 25 years.
What did Freud contribute to our culture?
06-09-2012, 03:23 AM
The Flintstone mobile and children's vitamins.
Why did Charlie Brown keep trying to kick the football?
06-09-2012, 03:25 AM
He had nothing better to do.
What band are you in?
06-09-2012, 03:26 AM
The Rolling Stoned Hellcats
What band are you in?
06-09-2012, 03:31 AM
The Stable Sober Heaven Dogs.
When are you going to do the dishes?
06-09-2012, 03:36 AM
After you've finished licking my boots clean.
Isn't it your bedtime?
06-09-2012, 03:39 AM
Are your boots clean yet?
06-09-2012, 03:41 AM
Yes. You may stop.
How much alcohol have you consumed this week?
06-09-2012, 03:43 AM
20 cubic meters.
Why is evil so much fun?
06-09-2012, 03:46 AM
Is evil fun?
Is it mwuahahaha or muahhahaha?
06-09-2012, 03:48 AM
Should I get up from bed tomorrow morning?
06-09-2012, 03:51 AM
Yes. 4:30 am would be good.
Are you listening to music right now?
06-09-2012, 03:52 AM
Life is a form of music, so I'm swimming in it.
Why do street musicians sometimes bang on buckets to create sound?
06-09-2012, 03:55 AM
They are subliminally demonstrating what they will do to you if you don't throw them a dollar.
What is busking?
06-09-2012, 03:57 AM
The illegal sale of elephant tusks in the state of Arkansas.
How much money do I owe you?
06-09-2012, 03:59 AM
One dollar per keystroke I've spent replying to you.
What was the most commonly used swear word in Deadwood?
06-09-2012, 04:02 AM
Gosh darn it.
Where can I buy pumpernickel bread?
06-09-2012, 04:03 AM
At the well for a nickel.
What's in a frittata?
06-09-2012, 04:05 AM
Abandoned ghost towns.
Can you please escort me to the nearest luxury hotel and lick my boots for free?
06-09-2012, 04:08 AM
I'll take you to Motel 6 and you can watch me lick a popsicle.
What do they sell from ice cream trucks?
06-09-2012, 04:08 AM
^^the service is free, but the taxes will bankrupt you.
what can you do with a cider jug and a rusty ol' harpoon?
06-09-2012, 04:36 AM
At a movie theater, which arm rest is yours?
06-09-2012, 04:51 AM
from whichever seat you choose; your arm rest is two rows back, six seats to the left
all rights reserved, member FDIC
why can't i live in a tree fort?
06-09-2012, 04:57 AM
Because there are too many bubbles in it and they are purple.
Why are mens shoe sizes different than womens?
06-09-2012, 05:29 AM
mens feet tend to be smaller and have less natural furriness.
if i have a penchant for something, what does that mean?
06-09-2012, 05:48 AM
Exactly what it sounds like, you hold a special pen and chant for the something you want.
Can you do the splits?
06-09-2012, 12:50 PM
I can split hairs with the best of them.
Who is the best of them, and what do they do?
06-09-2012, 01:50 PM
The Society of Actuaries, and they annoy people.
How do you calculate the speed of light?
06-09-2012, 01:51 PM
What is flubber made of?
06-09-2012, 01:53 PM
It's made mostly of mathematical propensities that tend to vary based on the level of optimism in a particular society.
Where is Thailand?
06-09-2012, 01:55 PM
it doesn't matter; you can't get there from here.
what is the secret of life?
06-09-2012, 02:15 PM
What's the question... you know... to life, the universe and everything?
06-09-2012, 02:18 PM
May I wear woolen socks all year around, please?
06-09-2012, 02:30 PM
That's now allowed without getting approval from congress.
How many sheep have to die each year in the gruesome and barbaric wool harvest?
06-09-2012, 03:18 PM
Just one... but it's a sheep the size of the earth.
Why do people wear sunglasses?
06-09-2012, 03:24 PM
Welding is a popular pastime.
Why isn't it more culturally acceptable to eat the dead?
06-09-2012, 03:47 PM
Because they taste like chicken.
How do you learn to ski?
06-09-2012, 03:56 PM
One ski, one pole and a healthy dose of psychedelic mushrooms.
Why isn't beer free?
06-09-2012, 03:57 PM
^^Stand pointing down the mountain pressed against your boyfriend who skis backward down the slope all the way. Freeze and decide hot chocolate sounds like a better idea.
^ Beer is free here. Are you in prison or something?
What is important to remember when going down a waterslide?
06-09-2012, 04:11 PM
It's important to remember the difference between a quick sort and a bubble sort.
Why don't dinosaurs make good pets?
06-09-2012, 04:26 PM
Fossilized bones do not move much, and for the same price you could get a few thousand hamsters.
What is a fun thing to do while in Montana?
06-09-2012, 04:32 PM
Watching the thrilling, year-round punkin races. Watching there little legs fly is so mesmerizing.
Why can't I buy ice-nine?
06-09-2012, 04:41 PM
The patent office has a personal grudge against its sale.
What is ice-nine?
06-09-2012, 04:50 PM
A fantastic new form of ice invented by NASA which can remain frozen at room temperature but has been kept under wraps out of fear of a collapse in the lucrative ice markets. The government, at the urging of the powerful ice oligarchs, hired Kurt Vonnegut to write a fictionalized account of it's creation which greatly exaggerated some of the minor incidents surrounding it's inception with the goal of convincing the public that it's all just so much fiction.
Why do humans sweat?
06-09-2012, 06:05 PM
Humans sweat to make themselves glisten and look alluring to the opposite sex.
What is involved in doing a sun salutation?
06-09-2012, 06:41 PM
Needless posturing and praising to an indifferent sun.
What is the appeal of driving convertibles?
06-09-2012, 06:43 PM
The beating sun, eating my own hair, and looking like a hurricane victim.
What is the appeal of driving Jeeps?
06-09-2012, 06:50 PM
Over 12 million Jeeps have been used in numerous world wars to successfully invade enemy territory.
Where is the sunny side of the street?
06-09-2012, 06:56 PM
Whichever side the INTJs are standing on.
What is a perfect score in bowling?
06-09-2012, 06:59 PM
Only God is perfect.
Where is God right now?
06-09-2012, 07:01 PM
Typing on INTJf, testing everyone and marking their naughty or nice columns.
How much money can I save if I don't use a clothes dryer?
06-09-2012, 07:04 PM
Over $234.8 trillion, but keep in mind that money should definitely be allocated to healthcare, education and the military.
How much more awesome am I compared to the average person?
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