I'm So Bored; Please Amuse Me - The Wrong Answer Game

[jkatra]

Whitney Houston.

How many androids are there in the world?

[reiven]

african or european?

what does a gnat eat?

[jkatra]

Ibuprofen tablets.

Where should we have a party?

[reiven]

in front of a green screen, dressed in Bonanza attire.


what is the redeeming value of bacon grease?

[Dung]

^^ In your panties, that would be the easiest and most convenient for everybody to get there.

Should I log out now?

^What was the question again, since Reiven out-replied me, I forgot, but I'll answer anyway. Two or three tablets a day.


(for the same reason, I'll post a second question, just to mess it up even more)

Should I destroy myself with substances?

[reiven]

noooo!
destroy yourself with hungry rodents, and film it for public access tv.

where is the lowest point on earth?

[thebrainpolice]

My ethical standards.

How much is a politician's soul worth?

[jkatra]

A bagel with cream cheese.

Where are all the elephants in the United States?

[Fujimoto]

Waiting to be seated at the Golden Corral.

If they say you're always within three feet of a spider, then WHERE THE FUCK IS IT?!?!?

[jkatra]

In your mind.

How deep is the ocean?

[reiven]

To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


what is it that makes someone pretty?

[thebrainpolice]

Layer after layer of make up. The more the better.

Why do armpits smell bad?

[reiven]

armpits are the body's natural internal-system-filter, and most impurities come into the body by way of drinking water. if all drinking water were cleansed (not just purified or filtered) all of the pollutants that cause odor would never enter the body, ergo we would never smell bad.

why red, yellow and green for traffic lights?

[jkatra]

Yellow represents the acceleration of sunshine, green is the refreshing quickness of a mango lime twist smoothie, and red is the blood of a stagnant stop.

Why are there white and red blood cells?

[Sprelious]

It's mandated by Congress

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Totsie Pop?

[peaceinwar]

0, if you tilt it just right it will explode

what causes a solar eclipse?

[Sprelious]

They're actually just optical illusions.

Where do Cocoa Puffs grow?

[Fujimoto]

They are actually the dried droppings of chocolate Easter bunnies.

Why do we celebrate birthdays?

[Sprelious]

Any excuse for a party.

Why does Britain maintain the Monarchy?

[reiven]

dynastic monarchy is actually the basis of the most profound religion this world has ever known. the circular impetus of faith (circle of life, etc) is both consoling and perpetual- in that the one who was, will be again. ancient texts reveal the genesis of the british monarchy to be a young signal-caller and spear-bearer named, as you might have guessed- brittany.
it is a widely held belief that she has been 'reborn', and is currently in her 40 days in the wilderness phase. once she has put the devl in his place, she will re-emerge and lead the island nation (and the world) unto salvation.
oops, she did it again.

why do the scotts wear plaid?

[Simurgh]

They wear plaid because polka dots seemed a bit un-manly at the time the decision about design had to be made.

Why do all my dogs have cats for pets?

[jkatra]

Because the cats want to secretly control the dogs in a complex cat-dog conspiracy.

How many conspiracies are there in the Portland, Oregon area?

[Simurgh]

Portland is currently hosting 56 major and 234 minor conspiracies.

Is it possible to maintain a straight face when listening to political debates about morality, considering who is talking?

[jkatra]

It's possible to do anything with the right diet.

How many calories are there in a typical chocolate bar?

[Fujimoto]

Only 17, as long as you take very small bites.

What is a calorie?

[reiven]

the smallest particle of a substance that still has all the properties of that substance.


what is an epsilon ray?

[Fujimoto]

It's the fifth letter of the Greek alphabet, and don't call me Ray!

Who wrote the book of love?

[reiven]

i don't recall his name, but i'm sure he was an intj.


why do things get lighter up in space?

[Fujimoto]

Because we get stronger the further away from Earth we are.

Why are cats so fascinated with laser pointers?

[reiven]

reverse engineering.
NEVER trust a cat.


what is the evolutionary intent of an elephant tusk?

[Moxiie]

to more easily roast marshmallows for their handlers

marshmallows....why??

[Dung]

Because you can just pull them out of a monkey ass, like that, that's why.

Ok, now, serious question here: where are my wings?

[jkatra]

They've flown away.

Why do we need wings?

[venuspop]

Because wings taste better than thighs.

Why are wings more tender than thighs?

[jkatra]

It's due to the complex gravitational exchange between the wings and your bathtub.

Why do you have a bathtub?

[venuspop]

A bathtub is used to soak the blues away.

Can a bathtub soak the pinks away too?

[jkatra]

A bathtub can only file your tax returns for you and soak the blues away.

Are taxes good or bad?

[venuspop]

Taxes are good for your self-esteem but bad for your skin.

Are taxes associated with pimples?

[jkatra]

No, but taxes are associated with Mrs. Dorothy Butterington of Dallas, Texas, who is a part-time retail salesclerk and pays her taxes diligently.

Where is Dorothy right now?

[venuspop]

The last time I heard, she is down the rabbit's hole in Alice's Wonderland.

Is Alice pleased about this?

[jkatra]

Alice is slightly confused, slightly amused, and slightly thinking about slightness.

Is there a white rabbit nearby?

[venuspop]

White rabbits are always nearby. That's because they're near-sighted.

Can you go anywhere further than near?

[jkatra]

You can go anywhere you want if you pay the proper fare.

What is the proper fare?

[venuspop]

A proper fare is a fare paid in a fair fare.

What about the hare?

[jkatra]

It would be only fair to think about the hare, but I can't imagine where.

Is it possible to have too much imagination?

[venuspop]

Imagination is like dark energy. It keeps reality on an expanding track.

How can this be bad?

[jkatra]

Because putting too much syrup on pancakes makes the pancakes too syrupy?

Do you like pancakes?

[venuspop]

Absolutely! :p

May I have some?

[jkatra]

Yes, but I don't have any with me.

Should we imagine I have pancakes?

[venuspop]

That can always be arranged.

What else can we arrange?

[jkatra]

We can arrange furniture, appointments, and flowers.

Why are flowers pretty?

[venuspop]

Because my Momma said so.

Didn't your Momma said so too?

[jkatra]

My Momma said lots of things but I never listened.

Is listening healthy?

[venuspop]

My Papa always said "Listen to me!"

Why does my Papa always said "Listen to me?"

[jkatra]

Because he had wisdom which you rejected.

What should we do now?

[venuspop]

Let's imagine.

How?

[jkatra]

Very carefully.

What should we always imagine?

[venuspop]

Imagine there's no heaven, it's easy if you try ...

Did I sing well?

[jkatra]

Yes but I can't hear you.

Should I listen more closely?

[venuspop]

Do.

Is it better?

[jkatra]

Yes, much better. ;-)

Where is the sunrise?

[venuspop]

Over the rainbow.

Will you always find a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?

[jkatra]

I've never been there so I wouldn't know...!

How many colors are in a rainbow?

[venuspop]

Momma never told me. :(

Are you sure there's any color in a rainbow?

[jkatra]

Yes since I've seen them out my window.

Should I clean my windows more often?

[venuspop]

If you must.

Must you?

[jkatra]

No since I have free will.

Who freed my will?

[venuspop]

I didn't!

Do you have any proof that I did?

[jkatra]

I never try to proof anything that I know in my heart.

Is life a paradox?

[venuspop]

My friend, jkatra said so.

How illogical are paradoxes?

[jkatra]

They're so illogical that they become logical the more you think about them.

Are waffles better than pancakes?

[venuspop]

Strangely ... they are.

What made them better?

[Fujimoto]

They are better by virtue of my wholehearted endorsement.

How did chocolate chip cookies become the standard cookie?

[aok]

Because people don't get rid of cookies, leaving them vulnerable to a virus that causes a chocolate chip to be placed within their system, subconsciously causing the system to want more of the same.

What would an abstract mapped diagram of the functions of your brain look like?

[jkatra]

It would look like Elvis Presley.

Are you amused now?

[reiven]

deeply, deeply amused.


what was the first tool used to scratch one's own back?

[Moxiie]

a mammoth tusk....attached to a mammoth

do you believe that quid pro quo is an adequate system for anything?

[reiven]

absolutely not.
your own sense of guilt should drive you to make concessions.


what is the best use for a retired scarecrow?

[Moxiie]

slumber party prop

Why are flying monkeys so evil?

[reiven]

a strick diet of gun powder pâté


how does telepathy work?

[Moxiie]

you already know the answer to that, i need not answer

Which of the X-Men has the coolest power?

[venuspop]

Mystique.

What do cowboys do when they're done for the day?

[reiven]

atari pong.

what are the swiss most famous for?

[Moxiie]

training their pets to deep sea dive for treasure

what are mountains made of?

[reiven]

compressed natural gas

when is it appropriate to eat with your fingers?

[Moxiie]

when your toes are otherwise occupied or when it's inappropriate to bob for your food

what noise does the color ochre make?

[reiven]

no noise at all. ochre is a swift and silent killer among the yellow shades.

what is the most clever use of duct tape?

[venuspop]

Taping up chatter boxers.

How many words can a chatter boxer utter?

[thebrainpolice]

About 120 per minute, though it varies by make and model.

Why do people use the phrase "take a dump"? Wouldn't it be more accurate to say that you're leaving a dump?

[jkatra]

It would be more accurate but accuracy is evil.

What is the nature of evil?

[reiven]

silk flower arrangements.


what does herringbone mean?

[Sprelious]

The fish won't allow me to tell what I know. I've been sworn to secrecy.

Where do spirals start?

[reiven]

the good ones come from buenos aries, but they are mass-produced in shanghai and bengali.


why do office chairs have wheels on the bottom?

[Sprelious]

They were originally outfitted with 3.5 HP Briggs and Straton Motors, but after office workers started dying from Carbon Monoxide poisioning, the motors were removed.

Why don't people use hang gliders to avoid waiting for the elevator in skyscrapers?

[reiven]

because marta restrictions on emissions got way out of hand.
besides, it's next to impossible to get a decent factory installed CD changer in one anymore.


what is better with peanut butter than jelly?

[Sprelious]

Pink Slime. It goes with everything.

Why do we have an FDA anyway?

[reiven]

the federal donut agency was formed to investigate collusion between Big Donut and local police departments.


why were the P51's all silver-colored?

[Sprelious]

Originally the were multi-colored, but they developed dellusions that they were birds and would only fly north and south seasonally. They were repainted grey so that the pilots could control them.

Why do balls bounce?

[reiven]

at the center of all balls is a mexican jumping okra.


why were hippies called flower children?

[Sprelious]

They smelled so bad that city officials had flowers planted all around them.

Why did the Hippies choose San Francisco?

[reiven]

the most influential hippies had a carl malden obsession.


what is the main component of drywall?

[GenessorDios]

It's just normal wall but involves lots of sucking. Little-known fact: back in the day, the best whores were also drywall installers.

Where can I find the best whores today?

[reiven]

canadia. they actually have accredited courses in the oral arts.


what does candy-stripe have to do with nursing?

[Moxiie]

the alternating striping on the outfits cause a deep shift in the psyche of the ill and promotes pseudo-psycho healing

how much wood did the wood chuck actually chuck?

[GenessorDios]

@reiven: It's an old Canadan tradition based on the belief that infants like to have something parallelishly sweet to look at while drinking.

How many shits do people take in a lifetime (assuming they don't give any)?

[reiven]

^^ chuck wagoner (who studied under my favorite teacher in the world, Juliet Guthrie) is known to have chucked not less than 4 cord (12 rick) per day.

^ approximately 625, or one per month.

if you can't please everyone, why go to a garden party?

[Moxiie]

going to garden parties improves the circulation

philosophically, why does a full house beat a straight?

[reiven]

'full house' is comparable to Ménage à Many;
'straight' involves one guy, one girl, and usually no primates.


what drew jacques to the sea?

[Moxiie]

an incompetent artist with no sense of direction

if you're on top of the world, where are you and what are you looking down on?

[reiven]

of course the answer changes through the seasons, but currently, the top of the world is Yanner Township Michigan.
they are looking down on a hard working (large) family of hispanics.

what is the story behind HR Puffinstuff?

[thebrainpolice]

H.R. Haldeman was puffin on some funky stuff when he decided to plan a burglary, and the rest is history.

Why is it so hard to find competent cronies?

[Moxiie]

because too many mother cronies drank too much alcohol during their pregnancies

why is whiskey called whiskey?

[venuspop]

It was originally called Whiskers. Canine, Feline & Associates protested after a sizable portion of their members got napped and dewhiskered.

Should dogs be debarked?

[reiven]

there are some that would be best left at sea.


what effect does milk have for watering plants?

[Moxiie]

generally good, however, depending on the racial make up of the plant, it might be lactose intolerant.

when is it ever acceptable to wear a velour sweatsuit in public?

[reiven]

it is accepted (encouraged) for science teachers in jr high / middle school


what causes muscle spasms?

[Moxiie]

tiny ninja's embedded in your body, each carrying a tiny taser...that's the most common cause of muscle spasms.

what do you hear when you put a seashell to your ear?

[reiven]

right wing talk radio.

what would happen if we used real Barnum and Bailey clowns to run the government?

[jkatra]

Nothing.

What is the definition of nothing?

[Fujimoto]

I can't explain exactly, but it involves piano music and large Afros: To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Why don't people wear Afros like that anymore?

[jkatra]

Because you don't get out much, so you haven't observed them wearing them all the time in exciting downtown clubs.

Why are downtown clubs exciting?

[Fujimoto]

Because of their wholesome family values.

Were the 1950s really all that pastoral and genial?

[reiven]

nope. it was in the 1750's that people tended their pastures with genitalia exposed.


complete this sequence:

draperies
pimento
oligarchy
________

[thebrainpolice]

^^No. Communist saboteurs were warping people's with their subversive rock music.

^ dung beatle

What type of music is corrupting today's youth?

[GenessorDios]

Beans! Get it? Because of the... well fuck you then.

Do windmills ever get tired?

[Moxiie]

windmills only get tired when they are battling crazy spaniards

what's on the other side of that fence anyways?

[reiven]

a quarter pound of pot and a range rover spot. i mean sport.


why are so many sport teams named after native americans?

[Moxiie]

because native americans were bad asses of course

*points* what in the HELL is that?

[reiven]

micro organisms. don't get excited... we all have them under our fingernails.


what made james brown famous?

[aok]

Elvis's Presley

What is Dixie Outfitters?

[reiven]

the new name was the result of a corporate restructuring; they were originally called Overalls & Tank Tops Я Us


why can't i have a grill at my apartment?

[thebrainpolice]

It doesn't match the drapes.

How comes I'm not allowed to practice medicine?

[aok]

You can practice all you want, you just can't perform it.

Why do we need floors?

[jkatra]

We don't.

Where will you be in 5 years?

[aok]

Floating in the air.

What is gravity?

[jkatra]

He is a small but important man who lives down the street from my sister Beatrice.

Do you have a sister?

[Simurgh]

if small minded ones are allowed

Why is 60⁰F warm in Vermont, but cold in Arizona?

[aok]

People take their contextual relativism to falsely assume it to be the universal, absolute norm.

What happens when the bell doesn't curve symmetrically in statistical data analysis?

[Moxiie]

a cat has to eat a whole watermelon every single time that happens

why is it called the Farmer's Almanac?

[QuantumEnigma]

The Farmer's Alwomanac is under copyright.

Why doesn't money grow on trees?

[Moxiie]

It does - in those countries where leaves are considered money.

why are babies so clueless?

[QuantumEnigma]

They're not -- it's all an evil ploy.

Why do people buy extended warranties?

[Moxiie]

mostly because they feel insecure about their current warranties and want to perform better

why would you work at an appliance store?

[QuantumEnigma]

Because of the free samples you can download to your phone, of course! (tax & data rate may apply)

Do woodchucks like chucking wood?

[venuspop]

Like is an overstatement.

How about love?

[Fujimoto]

That's a nice offer but my wife wouldn't like it.

What's love got to do with it?

[Moxiie]

didn't score any points in tennis, love had everything to do with that

how many pigs are sacrificed per year for our obsession with american football?

[venuspop]

I don't want to talk about it.

Can we talk about hogs instead?

[reiven]

^^ one per family per regular season. if your team gets to the playoffs, you are allowed to sacrifice a neighbors pet. if you win the Super Bowl, most local jurisdictions allow the sacrifice of one neighbor, provided they were near your yard wearing an opposing team jersey.


why do people put 3000 bumper stickers all over the ass-end of their vegas and pintos?

[aok]

To entice you into playing bumper cars with them.

Why don't they have arenas where people can drunk drive legally and crash into each other?

[jkatra]

Because Mrs. Mary Turnington of Scottsdale, Arizona thinks such an activity is "undignified" and "would most certainly create a scene of the most unimaginable proportions".

What makes something unimaginable?

[Moxiie]

My understanding is that Mrs. Mary Turnington of Scottsdale, AZ sets the universal standards for what is unimaginable

why is Mary Turnington the boss of me and of the world?

[thebrainpolice]

Because she's blackmailing Barack Obama with a Kenyan birth certificate.

Why do engineers need to know math?

[jkatra]

Because they need to understand that engineers are statistical outliers.

Where should you be right now?

[gracious]

In an asylum.

How do I successfully hide my insanity from the people who are out to get me?

[jkatra]

Tell them you're insane since insane people would never say that.

What is the definition of insane?

[gracious]

See: Opposite of outsane.

Am I a pushover?

[jkatra]

You are an apple turnover.

Are you hungry now?

[Moxiie]

depends on the definition of hunger, if by hunger you mean blind in one eye, then no.

1000 year old eggs. Why? Why?!!

[reiven]

poor inventory maintenance at the waffle house.


wouldn't a stripper pole be a good idea at waffle house?

[Moxiie]

IMO that stripper poles are best placed in hospital emergency rooms and churches

Where exactly do they assemble monster trucks?

[reiven]

emergency rooms and churches


what's wrong with requiring the girls in a church youth group to wear pigtails?

[Moxiie]

Because it's animal cruelty to chop off all those pigs tails for human cosmetic consumption

Do you ever wonder what's really on the inside of an ant hill?

[reiven]

yes!
so many innocent ants died when i did the cutaway :(


what is MDF?

[Moxiie]

Man Defies Fashion, it's a police acronym, most commonly used in San Francisco

Why are veins blue/green looking?

[reiven]

it is usually the result of a sulfur deficiency, and easily remedied with convenience store matches. the wooden kitchen matches work also, but you end up wasting the wooden shaft, because everyone knows you should't swallow wooden sticks.

what is the best world record to attain?

[Moxiie]

The original Beatles autographed White Album

Wooly mammoths - yes or no?

[Simurgh]

Definitely maybe, since they are just disguised hairless moles.


What is the most interesting conspiracy theory currently making the rounds?

[Moxiie]

That 4 out of every 5 world leaders are actually Oopa Loompas in disguise

why do racoons have tiny little hands?

[reiven]

mating became nearly impossible when female raccoons found out about the um.... large shoe correlation. the evolutionary result was tiny hands that distracted females from the otherwise largess, until to was too late.


why are there no motorcycle convertibles?

[Moxiie]

That's somewhat of an urban myth really....in fact, the Pope has a fleet of them parked under the Vatican.

What was it exactly that wasn't for the light of heart?

[reiven]

the bacon grease smoothie, for one.
mom's later porn efforts, second.
and finally, anything on MS NBC.


what effect does steam have when ironing?

[Moxiie]

When done properly it's prescribed by 2 out of 50 lung specialists for asthma -especially when ironing eucalyptus leaves

Why are members of the Corvus (ravens, crows) family so damn smart?

[reiven]

they aren't.
they are monochromatic versions of the mocking bird; they just imitate smarter birds.


what causes an ingrown toenail?

[Moxiie]

cellular incest

why are so many people unimaginative?

[reiven]

most people are between 25-35% flora.


why is there a braille menu at the drive-thru?

[Moxiie]

For blind drivers of course, why else would there be?

Why is Moxie called Moxie?

[jkatra]

Because Moxie is not called Gertrude Huggington.

Can you hug me?

[Moxiie]

Of course, the xx must be FP in your case {hugs}

Do bears actually hug?

[reiven]

it is from the latin mox, meaning 'soon' and hi (hee) which means 'loyal to the king'
the rough translation 'not now, i have a headache'

dammit people, this kind of effort takes time. any idea how long it takes to google latin?
a little deference, perchance???


what are the seeds for in a blackberry?

[Moxiie]

In each blackberry seed is contained an entire universe, replete with a tiny big bang theory

Tell me, how do you really feel about jam?

[reiven]

eddie vedder is over-rated

what is the answer blowing in the wind?

[Moxiie]

that's difficult to discern as blowing in the wind can produce some....um....chafing....if not done properly

what is the big deal about hookers and blow anyway?

[reiven]

most hookers have digressed to crank; blow was an 80's thing.


what do you again from an overhead cam?

[Moxiie]

An oscillating recording device suspended by rubber bands on the ceiling

Why is oil golden?

[reiven]

that's not oil...

why are you videotaping this?

[Moxiie]

Directive from above. Just following orders

What's with the cape dude?

[reiven]

as long as there is injustice
wherever evil has the upper hand
whenever fair maidens are in danger
you can't prove shit; i was probably somewhere else.

what happens to plastic bottles in landfills?

[GenessorDios]

He was tired of going into bathrooms only to find no toilet paper.

When will I die?

[Moxiie]

used as bongs by roving gangs of misanthropic drug addled rats

why is the sky blue?

[reiven]

march 14, 2012.
nobody told you?


what is the difference between oak and birch?




[^ & ^^ & ^^^ &^^^^^]

math is hard, but this is ridiculous

[QuantumEnigma]

Yesterday.

Is it soda or pop?

[reiven]

around here, we call everything a nehi.


what is keeping the porn industry from developing holograms?

[KeithP]

you can't jizz on em.

why do some birds migrate hundreds of miles every year?

[jkatra]

I told them to.

Why are some people bossy?

[Simurgh]

Because they cannot all be Lassie.

Why do some people think that the term bitch is an insult?

[jkatra]

Because it was decided it's an insult at the annual Profanity Determination Symposium in Little Rock, Arkansas.

What is inappropriate?

[QuantumEnigma]

Propriat.

Where does the bridge to nowhere start?

[Artio]

Prodestination.

Why blues never made it to traffic lights?

[Moxiie]

they don't have traffic lights at any of the crossroads down in the Mississippi delta

why did the devil go down to Georgia?

[QuantumEnigma]

He got a good deal on Expedia.

Where have all the cowboys gone?

[Moxiie]

Last seen on the astral plains

Are YOU actually Luke's father?

[GenessorDios]

I got lost alright, get off my back!

Wait, are you the monkey on my back?

[Moxiie]

Pay no mind to the monkey costume and pay more attention to how it makes you FEEL my INTJ compatriot

Why are television commercials to effing trite?

[GenessorDios]

I don't give a damn.

What the fuck did you just call me, a cumpatriot? I've never done that with another man and especially not for my country, got it?!

[jkatra]

Can you repeat that please? I never hear sentences with profanity in them.

How many words are in a typical sentence?

[reiven]

three; wait...what?


what sort of metal is GD really made from?

[aok]

Iron Maiden.

What country does country music come from?

[jkatra]

Mount Olympus.

Are you a god?

[aok]

I'm not a dog or tree that barks.

What's your favorite Greek symbol?

[jkatra]

I like it when the Greeks use cymbals in a jazz concert.

What is jazz?

[aok]

Its the prelude to spazz, I prefer the latter.

What does a geek consist of?

[Fujimoto]

Cheeto dust and Mountain Dew, bound together with knowledge.

Is your keyboard orange from Cheetos?

[aok]

It has secret hairs from cat walks.

Why can't you buy styrofoam clothing?

[Fujimoto]

Because I'm broke and can't afford it.

What kind of person wears styrofoam clothing?

[momorawr]

Tree huggers.

Why trees?

[Fujimoto]

Because they won't hug back.

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down?

[gracious]

No, we would probably be some other model of Chevrolet about it.

Would I hug more trees if they hugged back?

[momorawr]

Nah. You'd get sap and bark everywhere.

Are hugs really that scary?

[Fujimoto]

Hugs are the beginning of a dangerous slippery slope to more intimate physical contact. Won't someone please think of the children? *clutches pearls*

Are trees scary?

[gracious]

They probably are to grass.

Why should I bother to deal with the weeds in my lawn?

[Moxiie]

Only when they house flying monkeys or throw apples at you

who in the hell decided to spell dog bark and tree bark as the same word?

[gracious]

Yes, it was Hu Inthehell.

What was his ethnicity?

[Fujimoto]

French.

What would happen if we drilled so far down that all the cold ocean water rushed down into the hot center of the Earth?

[gracious]

We would wake suddenly, notice Bruce Willis and then realize we were just watching another terrible movie.

Will Jonah Hill ever play that kind of character?

[Fujimoto]

Yes, in fact for a long time Hollywood has thought that it needs heroes that better resemble the average American.

Would the porn industry fail if they used average looking men and women?

[gracious]

No, they would save the difference in revenue on what they now spend on boob implants.

What would those out of work actors and actresses do instead?

[Fujimoto]

They would wait tables, where their winning smiles and pleasant personalities would earn them fantastic tips.

Why are clear heels favored by "dancers"?

[gracious]

They are members of the same union as the manufacturers of polypropylene.

How do they condition themselves to not find that experience creepy?

[Fujimoto]

Because they like attention from overweight middle-aged men. The money is just a secondary benefit.

Why is the USA still using paper dollar bills instead of coins?

[gracious]

Because coins are impractical for shoving in a G-string and they are too cheap to spend a five.

Why is it called a greenback?

[Sprelious]

It was named in honor of Alan Greenspan.

How do you make a Screwdriver.

[gracious]

Build a lot of industry along the riverbanks and have very lax regulation.

Will cassette players be cool again someday?

[jkatra]

No, because they were never cool to begin with.

Where is danger right now?

[reiven]

sliding up your inferior vena cava, heading straight for your right atrium.
i warned you about those bacon grease smoothies.



why do contracts have fine print ?

[aok]

Because they're bold faced lies.

What should you be doing now?

[Sprelious]

Hang Gliding off the Materhorn. That guy is going to be pissed when I don't show.

Is there a civilization in Middle Earth?

[reiven]

no. sid meier flatly refused to market to hobbits.
he didn't think they would get the concept of refrigeration or ICBMs


which board game should not have not been invented?

[aok]

Monopoly. It reinforces the bad ideals that have manifested in reality.

Why would someone wear their heart on their sleeve?

[reiven]

if it is one of those int-types, it would be to prove they have one.


why do people wrassle gators?

[aok]

Incomplete suicide attempts.

Why has flirting sustained its role in the courtship ritual?

[reiven]

because eddies father liked those oriental chicas


what happened to gentle ben?

[aok]

He took too much klonopin and passed out.

What was the greatest feature of Darth Vader?

[reiven]

his deltoids.


where do you keep extra gloves?

[Sprelious]

In the missing sock drawer

When is the bullfight over?

[aok]

When the light turns red.

What's the average speed limit on the sidewalk?

[Sprelious]

299,792,458 m/s

What is the speed of light?

[aok]

Flash Gordon.

Who's afraid of the big bad wolf?

[Sprelious]

Virginia. It's either that or Santa Claus.

What is the population of the North Pole?

[jkatra]

There are over 3,000 icicles there.

How are you doing today?