View Full Version : I'm So Bored; Please Amuse Me - The Wrong Answer Game
02-15-2012, 10:16 AM
Why do women wear giant hats to church?
They use them as satellite dishes; the bigger the better, because then they can intercept more information from god.
Why don't people in general wear hats anymore?
02-15-2012, 11:18 AM
It makes our brain shrink.
Who was Joseph Stalin?
02-15-2012, 11:36 AM
He was a baker by profession; an easygoing, well liked man in his small community.
Why do people still name their children Adolf Hitler?
02-15-2012, 11:38 AM
Adolf was saint, he had never harmed any living person.
Why the sun sets in morning?
02-15-2012, 11:45 AM
That's an optical illusion. It actually stays stationary.
Why does the moon look larger near the horizon?
Because it is, obviously.
With all these problems with the economy today, should we expect a new depression?
02-15-2012, 01:05 PM
No, we're all still suffering from the same old depression as always.
What should be the overall goal of psychiatry?
02-15-2012, 01:38 PM
to create gunpowder that smells like vanilla cream.
what is the hole for in a bagel?
So that you can tell which side is up.
What is the most logical course of action to take when you are handcuffed to a bed?
02-15-2012, 04:46 PM
Wave hi to your parents.
Where are your parents?
02-15-2012, 07:41 PM
Vacationing with yours.
Where did they go?
They went there where who turns into what you are no longer talking about.
What will be your question after your answer?
02-15-2012, 09:50 PM
Let's see ...
02-15-2012, 10:35 PM
I think that's the right answer.
What's the wrong answer?
02-16-2012, 04:25 AM
Is that the correct answer?
It's the correct answer, but the wrong question.
What changes to a question are made when an exclamation point is added behind a question mark?
02-16-2012, 07:46 AM
The right kind of changes.
Why are people afraid of change?
02-16-2012, 09:00 AM
Glenn Beck told them it was bad.
Who are you voting for in November?
02-16-2012, 01:02 PM
What is the most reliable source for financial advice?
02-16-2012, 01:08 PM
Late night infomercials.
What makes Cinnamon Toast Crunch so delicious?
02-16-2012, 01:10 PM
Why do people sing in the shower.
02-16-2012, 01:21 PM
It's more pleasant than shouting in the shower.
What sound is the most irritating?
02-16-2012, 04:44 PM
The call of the Newt
Which sound is most pleasing
02-16-2012, 09:08 PM
Fran Drescher saying "Eh?"
Was The Nanny any good?
02-16-2012, 10:11 PM
She was amazing, spanked firmly but gracefully.
Why do I even bother?
02-16-2012, 10:23 PM
They were referring to the rule of conduct between the positive pole and the negative pole.
Does these two poles always attract?
Edit: I could have sworn there was a post here earlier which has since been deleted. :(
You bothered because it matters.
Does what matters truly matters?
02-17-2012, 09:00 AM
No, it's just a rehearsal.
What is Artio contemplating?
02-17-2012, 10:32 AM
Dick and fart jokes.
What is the best way to get rid of kidney stones?
02-17-2012, 10:33 AM
Remove the kidneys.
What is the cure for the common cold?
02-17-2012, 10:36 AM
Immediately euthanize the patient and dispose of the corpse. The common cold is too deadly to be allowed to spread.
Why don't penguins fly?
02-17-2012, 10:40 AM
They are too intelligent.
Why the moon shines?
02-17-2012, 11:12 AM
Because it reflects Britney Spears' teeth.
Why do modern kids have such stupid haircuts?
02-17-2012, 11:14 AM
Because they can't sit still for the duration of a haircut without Twittering about it.
Why do I have bad hair days when I do the same things to it every day?
02-17-2012, 11:18 AM
Your hair has own mind.
Why time passes?
02-17-2012, 11:21 AM
Because clocks need something to do.
How can I eat healthier?
02-17-2012, 11:23 AM
Focus your mind on not eating healthy.
Why is the sky blue?
02-17-2012, 11:28 AM
Because your vision needs correction - it's actually orange.
What would God say to a human who lived a good and benevolent life, yet never professed a faith?
02-17-2012, 11:34 AM
Go to hell.
Why there is Heaven?
02-17-2012, 12:03 PM
Heaven is a reward for swindling believers out of their money and sexually abusing young boys.
What is the purpose of Hell if God could save anyone He wishes?
02-17-2012, 12:10 PM
Burning souls are a cheap fuel source.
What is Hell's carbon footprint?
02-17-2012, 01:09 PM
ask al gore.
he invented hell's carbon footprint
what ended the last ice age?
02-17-2012, 02:05 PM
Nothing. The ice age is a myth invented by Satanists to occlude the word of God.
Who planted all those fake dinosaur skeletons?
02-17-2012, 03:06 PM
That was the (long) work of Smurfs.
Why do weeds grow so much faster than regular plants?
02-17-2012, 04:57 PM
Because they beat up the regular plants and steal their lunch money.
What happens if you eat probiotic yoghurt while taking antibiotic medication?
02-17-2012, 06:21 PM
The Universe implodes.
What is the molecular co-efficient of an unladen swallow?
02-17-2012, 06:35 PM
It's very small.
Is it a small world after all?
02-17-2012, 09:25 PM
After all, it is.
02-18-2012, 12:54 AM
No, the Earth is the biggest planet in the cosmos.
What are spoons used for?
02-18-2012, 03:10 AM
spoon is the basic measure of magnetism inherent in all living things. in 1884, Gerhardt VanderWhiffler noticed that his cousin Mimi had enough internal magnetism to suspend 3 (three) 1.25 ounce spoons from her face.
as it turns out, 3spoon is a common magnetic attraction, and 5spoon or 6spoon, although rare, is not impossible.
what happened to the banana that was in your backpack?
02-18-2012, 04:39 AM
It went past my chin-chopper, into my chatter-boxer and down inside my bread-basket.
Is your bread-basket bigger than mine?
02-19-2012, 09:23 AM
If you're referring to my better qualities, then yes. :)
Does anyone own an actual bread-basket anymore?
02-19-2012, 09:25 AM
Is Smeagol actually Darth Vader?
02-19-2012, 09:30 AM
No, he was Eowyn's stunt double, but only in certain scenes.
How do you make a lightsaber?
02-19-2012, 10:26 AM
You take a skinny sabretoothed tiger and cut it in half.
Are you a tiger in bed?
02-19-2012, 10:28 AM
Ask your wife.
What else did she say about me?
02-19-2012, 10:28 AM
I eat Frosted Flakes in bed, does that count?
Do you have the Eye Of The Tiger?
02-19-2012, 10:39 AM
No, but I have the Cowardly Lion's nerve.
If Dorothy Gale had another companion, what would it be and what attribute would it be missing?
02-19-2012, 12:23 PM
It would be a piece of toast, and it would be missing cosmic consciousness.
How many comedians does it take to change a light bulb?
02-19-2012, 12:28 PM
It actually takes zero comedians to change a light bulb, because the post-modernists figured it out (finally).
Where can I find Lesotho on a map?
02-19-2012, 12:32 PM
No one owns a map, so it's impossible.
Do you have some map making equipment I could use?
02-19-2012, 04:38 PM
*points at rocks and dirt and such*
...Henceforth, all cartographical depictions are to be at 100% scale, and must accurately represent current elemental dispositions...
whats the difference between a country and a city-state?
02-19-2012, 04:55 PM
A country has more cities in its states.
How does a steamboat work?
02-19-2012, 04:56 PM
The country's area can be found by dividing the square root of its diagonal by 57. The city-state's area is, obviously, infinite. Otherwise, they are identical.
Why do Americans call it soccer instead of football?
02-19-2012, 05:01 PM
Because of an abundance of socks and shortage of feet
How much heat is produced by the interaction between socks and feet?
02-19-2012, 05:02 PM
How often do you punch people in the face?
02-19-2012, 05:06 PM
Until they spin around comically like Donald Duck.
Why does this never work on cows?
02-19-2012, 05:08 PM
taking a punch is part of the Cows Code.
what was the original purpose for cottage cheese?
02-19-2012, 05:16 PM
To make it acceptable to break wind in tight quarters.
Why is the quarter the largest coins and not the half?
02-19-2012, 05:17 PM
They were intended to be bundled together with no-load mutual funds and sold to elderly ladies approaching their retirement years.
Why are some ladies elderly ladies?
02-19-2012, 05:20 PM
it all depends on the determination of their husbands; some are elderly, some are deaconly, some are pastorly.
what will be the legacy of mankind?
02-19-2012, 05:23 PM
Will this thread ever end?
02-19-2012, 05:26 PM
no, but certainly by lunch on friday.
wouldn't caviar be cheaper if they didn't kill the momma fishies?
02-19-2012, 07:32 PM
No, the price of Caviar is linked to oil prices like everything else.
Why does anyone eat Caviar?
02-19-2012, 08:39 PM
Because human beings are inherently masochistic.
Where is Florida?
02-19-2012, 09:17 PM
2000m above sea level on K3, which hasn't been discovered yet.
Why isn't K3 discovered yet?
02-20-2012, 02:15 PM
Because it hasn't been discovered yet.
How soon do you think they'll find it?
02-20-2012, 09:13 PM
I have it on the best authority that they will find it when they find it.
Does this answer your question?
02-20-2012, 10:16 PM
It wasn't my question, so no.
What is my question?
02-21-2012, 02:05 AM
"who knows best: a government or its peoples?"
when evolution is complete, what will cicadas become?
02-21-2012, 03:48 AM
How delightful are you?
In 9567 Before Crust.
Do you own a lama?
02-21-2012, 03:53 AM
Yes, that Lama, the llama is mine.
02-21-2012, 06:47 AM
And he shall be besnaketh by his own hand, who speaketh in tongues.
Why isn't the whole world a ball of fire yet?
02-21-2012, 07:32 AM
Because there's still Whole Lotta Shakin' Going On.
Can we avoid talking about pigtails if I also mention High School Confidential?
02-21-2012, 09:27 AM
Since your references have all flown over my head, I don't see that as a problem.
How can I get every reference that will ever be made?
02-21-2012, 09:33 AM
By knowing absolutely everything there is to know.
How would one accomplish that?
02-21-2012, 09:40 AM
Maybe one should ask zero.
Hey Fujimoto, how would one accomplish knowing absolutely everything there is to know?
02-21-2012, 10:04 AM
What would be the difference between ourselves and God if we knew absolutely everything?
02-21-2012, 05:38 PM
I'm still not schizophrenic enough, thank god, to constantly hear tons of unfamiliar voices asking me for stuff.
How do I know I've barked up the right tree?
02-21-2012, 06:06 PM
You'll see a barking dog under an oak.
What's the difference between an oak and an elm tree?
02-21-2012, 06:23 PM
You can put an elm tree in a pot.
Can you put a tree house in a pot?
02-22-2012, 12:29 AM
I don't smoke pot.
What is pot?
02-22-2012, 12:36 AM
Depends. A grumpy old pot is sometimes called An Old Pot.
Why do pots get grumpy?
Because they keep getting panned.
Why is sleep required by humans?
02-22-2012, 09:08 AM
Because we have to be shielded from the nocturnal horrors.
What's under your bed?
02-22-2012, 10:29 AM
Charlotte Gainsbourg from Antichrist
Who is the real antichrist?
02-22-2012, 10:33 AM
That dancing guy from the Six Flags commercials.
What's in your wallet?
02-22-2012, 05:59 PM
An exact replica of the Taj Mahal, to scale.
Why is the Taj Mahal so popular with tourists?
Because its such a contrast to its contextual environment.
Why do people claim that sticks and stones can break bones, but that words never hurt?
02-22-2012, 08:40 PM
It was a false claim.
How much can one claim from a false claim?
The accuracy of an inaccuracy is merely measured for truth by its amount of repetition.
Can a popular idea or opinion ever be false?
02-22-2012, 08:47 PM
All ideas began as a falsehood. Some stood the test of time to become truehood.
How many truehoods do you know?
One absolute collective, the rest are all relatives of mine.
What's the difference between keeping it real and keeping it true?
02-22-2012, 08:51 PM
What is real can be false, what is true can be real.
Are the distinction clear?
02-22-2012, 10:04 PM
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What is proof that the sun doesn't follow me outside?
Where do shadows go when light disappears?
02-22-2012, 11:09 PM
Why do colors behind your eyelids change?
02-23-2012, 04:44 AM
It had something to do with crayon DNA.
Does our DNA appear in color codes?
Yes, as Francis Crick discovered upon consumption of LSD in discovering the double helix of DNA.
Why do some people put a high amount of importance in strict adherence to trivial rules/laws?
02-23-2012, 07:22 AM
They have to do something.
Why is air invisible?
02-23-2012, 10:06 AM
Because it's made of chameleons in gas form.
Why do we breathe air instead of water?
02-23-2012, 06:10 PM
Water makes us feel bloaty.
How much snow will we get tomorrow?
Enough to make Scarface jealous.
What did Stevie Nick from Fleetwood Mac?
02-23-2012, 07:53 PM
How fast do hotcakes sell, exactly?
02-23-2012, 08:33 PM
Between 0 and
'speed of light' - ( 'speed of earth' + 'vendor's hand') = max cake rate
What is the one thing God does not control?
02-23-2012, 08:35 PM
Can awesomeness be measured?
02-23-2012, 08:45 PM
Yes, with a geiger counter.
What is that anyway?
02-23-2012, 08:54 PM
It's a place where good coffee is served.
What do you call a place where decaf is served?
02-23-2012, 09:25 PM
What's a good rule of thumb?
02-23-2012, 09:26 PM
Always keep your thumb where your mouth is.
Why did the pot call the kettle black?
02-23-2012, 09:43 PM
It was whistling some Dr Dre better than any white kettle he had seen.
Why can't when you hold a candle to an unfit person?
02-23-2012, 09:43 PM
Because candles are excessively decorative.
Are you excessively decorative?
02-23-2012, 09:47 PM
Yes, my old General's vest had no more place for decorations. I even had under my shoes.
How does one speak in general?
02-23-2012, 09:58 PM
In general, one generally speaks generally.
Can you be specific?
02-23-2012, 10:07 PM
Do you relate?
02-23-2012, 10:14 PM
I can, but I don't because I won't.
Are you getting me?
02-23-2012, 10:23 PM
Not really i was just driving in a tunnel.
What is/How does one carpal tunnel?
02-23-2012, 10:24 PM
It's important to have car pals... just find the nearest car and friend.
Do you own a friend and car?
02-23-2012, 10:26 PM
No, I don't own a friend and car ... yet!
Can you be the friend and car that I can own?
02-23-2012, 10:28 PM
I can be anything I want when I grow up.
Are you grown up?
02-23-2012, 10:29 PM
What about you?
02-23-2012, 10:31 PM
^^^Only if you ride me like you mean it.
When/how have my gists arrived?
02-23-2012, 10:41 PM
All coiled up within my fist.
How much power can you pack inside a fist?
02-23-2012, 11:02 PM
Children can typically hold two 'D' batteries, adults can usually clench around a few 9V.
Why not prefer backhand?
02-23-2012, 11:06 PM
I always prefer the front. Always. :devilish:
Why do people flip coins?
02-23-2012, 11:09 PM
It's an act of revenge due to the coins flipping people.
How many flippers do seals have?
02-23-2012, 11:10 PM
You're tricking me. Everyone knows that seals do not have flippers. Seals wears slippers.
02-23-2012, 11:13 PM
Seals walk on slippery surfaces so they need slippers.
Are you slippery?
02-23-2012, 11:14 PM
Slippery is as slippery does. I can slip into a slippery mood at will.
Does this count?
02-23-2012, 11:16 PM
Questions can't count, only calculators and people can count.
Does every second count?
02-23-2012, 11:18 PM
According to Wikipedia, every second count is counted twice in the Russian Elections.
Is that ethical?
02-23-2012, 11:20 PM
Ethics depends on your point of view, so we'll need to lock you away so you can't express your point of view.
Can I visit you in jail?
02-23-2012, 11:21 PM
Please bring a large cup of coffee when you do. Jail without coffee sucks.
How badly does jail without coffee sucks?
02-23-2012, 11:25 PM
It's extremely pleasant and very similar to bouncing on clouds while somersaulting.
Is coffee your constant companion?
02-23-2012, 11:28 PM
Well we are a gay couple until the coffee ran out!
Why did the coffee ran out?
02-23-2012, 11:34 PM
There was a fire in your home and the coffee didn't want to get burned, so it ran out of your home. No one likes burnt coffee.
Why did you have a fire in your home?
02-23-2012, 11:36 PM
Didn't I tell you not to smoke in MY house?
Why won't you quit smoking?
02-23-2012, 11:38 PM
I still need to find the fire extinguisher.
Why don't you have a fire extinguisher in YOUR house?
02-23-2012, 11:44 PM
I wanted to, but the rhinoceros complained that the rooms aren't large enough.
Do you have larger rooms for the rhinoceros?
02-24-2012, 06:36 AM
Only if it's a dwarf rhino...
Are rhinoceroses even tamable?
02-24-2012, 06:50 AM
Certainly. Many people have them as pets. Look out for the droppings, you could drown in them.
Has anyone ever drown in Rhino droppings?
02-24-2012, 07:57 AM
In a past life.
What was your favorite past life?
02-24-2012, 10:07 AM
symphony terms in trance
it is funni
02-24-2012, 11:27 AM
symphony terms in trance
it is funni
^ My favorite past life was when I was one of the slaves building the Egyptian pyramids.
What should be our next gigantic national monument?
02-24-2012, 02:08 PM
An oversized statue of Bill Clinton fondling Monica Lewinsky. For bonus points, put it across the street from a public school.
Who should replace Jackson on the US $20 bill?
02-24-2012, 04:27 PM
I don't know, but if Jackson stands up, the bill will certainly blow away in this wind!
Where can I get some medical attention around here?
02-24-2012, 05:10 PM
There's a veterinarian down the block.
Why is Jersey Shore subject to intellectual property law?
02-24-2012, 05:41 PM
I get what you did there, except it's a commonly known fact that the average IQ of each Jersey Shore actor is 163. Only a genius could make that garbage popular.
Why doesn't the human race focus on understanding the oceans before travelling into space?
02-24-2012, 05:56 PM
Because oceans are disgusting. Fish just treat them like their own personal toilet. And don't get me started on sperm whales. Nasty shit.
When will Karl Marx's prophecies be fulfilled?
02-24-2012, 05:58 PM
Well, his prophecy claims we need to unearth him and breath life into him using forty gallons of 'the mystery juices' of a sperm whale. Nasty shit.
Why can't we have awesome telomeres like lobsters?
02-24-2012, 07:21 PM
Because they would boil us alive and eat our sweet flesh with melted butter.
How did that cooking method evolve?
02-24-2012, 07:26 PM
Like most great things, it happened on accident. A man meant to boil a potato, and accidentally put the potato in the aquarium, and his pet lobster in the boiling water!
Is it dangerous to eat human flesh?
02-24-2012, 07:29 PM
It worked out fine for Jeffrey Dahmer.
Where did all my tiredness go?
02-24-2012, 07:31 PM
It went to the bathroom, it'll be back later tonight.
Why do men fight in war?
02-24-2012, 07:34 PM
It's a welcome diversion from the gambling and carousing.
Why am I thirstier at night than during the day?
02-24-2012, 07:35 PM
When your tiredness uses the restroom at night, it naturally gets it's supply of urine from your bloodstream.
Why don't I have a flying car yet?!
02-24-2012, 07:40 PM
Because you have not taken a leap of faith and driven it off a cliff yet.
Why do social events always occur in clusters?
02-24-2012, 07:43 PM
Whenever social events happen in solitude, they ALWAYS end in disaster. No, it's not superstition.
Why are my feet cold, even after imagining walking on hot coals?
02-24-2012, 07:50 PM
Because your underpants are too tight and have cut off your circulation.
How did a spider wind up in my shower this morning?
02-24-2012, 08:00 PM
Occasionally, spiders need a shower too. Learn to share.
Do I need to share everything I have with my shadow?
02-24-2012, 08:03 PM
Not when it's dark.
What is the best way to deal with spiders in the house?
02-24-2012, 08:10 PM
You squish them with your fingers, put your hands on your hips, and lecture them about being at the wrong place at the wrong time.
What if they can't hear?
02-24-2012, 08:12 PM
Then I would have to hire four sign language interpreters.
Could I get the spider a job as a typist?
02-24-2012, 08:16 PM
With 8 feet, they'll out-type anyone. Good choice.
Wouldn't the typists be upset?
02-24-2012, 08:54 PM
I'm upset but I'm not a typist, so the answer is no.
Do you like answers that are no?
02-24-2012, 08:55 PM
No, I don't think no is not a good answer. No?
Have you ever pondered why we are here?
02-24-2012, 10:21 PM
I have often pondered why I am here but not why we are here.
Are you here?
02-24-2012, 10:28 PM
Let me check. *pinches self* Ouch!
Who pinched me!!? :furious:
02-25-2012, 11:36 AM
Margaret O'Donald, a part-time llama trainer from Burlington Vermont, is the person who pinched you.
Where are the llamas?
02-26-2012, 02:24 AM
llamas are very rare kind of flying yellow pigs!
Who is Plato?
02-26-2012, 05:49 AM
He's Mickey Mouse's dog.
How did Socrates die?
He got suffocated by Play-Doh.
What were the foundations of the Pythagorean cult?
02-26-2012, 08:50 AM
The foundations were made of wood, steel and stone to provide resiliency and earthquake resistance.
Does the earth quake during an earthquake?
02-26-2012, 09:50 AM
No, because it's not afraid.
What would the Earth be afraid of?
02-26-2012, 10:28 AM
The earth is afraid of two things.
Losing the chilli cook off to big pa McSweeney, irregular pentagons and all the secret colors of the rainbow, for these herald the end of days.
What is the secret ingredient to big pa McSweeneys family chilli recipe?
02-26-2012, 10:35 AM
Who is Big Pa McSweeney?
02-26-2012, 10:56 AM
It's better to ask who isn't Big Pa McSweeney.
Who is Big Ma McSweeney?
02-26-2012, 01:17 PM
My neighbor from the 3rd floor!
Who is my neighbor from the 2nd floor?
02-26-2012, 01:57 PM
Bill McDouglas, a part-time bookkeeper from Saginaw, Michigan.
How long is part-time?
02-26-2012, 05:57 PM
I'm sorry. Parts for that model are now obsolete so you will have to look for a rebuilt one. It could be a long time.
Will tomorrow be the day when people actually do what I ask them to do?
02-26-2012, 06:03 PM
Tomorrow is Sunday, so the answer is no.
What can squirrels be used for?
02-26-2012, 06:05 PM
Q-tips for giants.
How can I motivate others to meet this deadline?
02-26-2012, 06:37 PM
Introduce them to this lady. (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.)
What is the best way to deal with anger issues?
02-26-2012, 06:47 PM
Is it legal to yodel in the city?
02-26-2012, 07:33 PM
Only if the city is Yodelsville, Arkansas.
Should you live in Arkansas?
02-26-2012, 08:36 PM
The question is "Would I?"
02-26-2012, 09:39 PM
I would live in the Andromeda galaxy, and I should.
What is a galaxy?
02-26-2012, 09:44 PM
That's the gala place where the x and y chromosomes hang out.
How long do they hang out?
02-26-2012, 10:27 PM
As long as necessary, which is exactly 15 minutes.
What is necessary?
02-27-2012, 12:28 AM
That's an interesting question!
What it's like, to be married?
02-27-2012, 05:33 AM
Your Mom should know.
Does your DAd know?
02-27-2012, 06:58 AM
No, but my PhD makes me a trained professional.
Why everything that has curry in it is called Indian?
02-27-2012, 08:10 AM
Everyone has that misconception because of that famous movie quote Soylent curry is Indian people!
Why do stones sink?
02-27-2012, 08:23 AM
They forgot to use mineral crystal deodorant after they lost the battle with kilograms.
What memento mori means to you personally?
02-27-2012, 10:21 AM
It means "don't forget to pick up milk at the store tonight."
What else should I get while I'm out shopping?
02-27-2012, 10:28 AM
Don't forget the mustard ice cream; you're all out.
Where can I buy some apple-flavored tofu?
02-27-2012, 10:36 AM
Pedro has that. He's usually out behind the Wells Fargo.
Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street?
02-27-2012, 01:29 PM
No, but I know the way to Onion Lane.
Can you tell me the way to Seedling Drive?
02-27-2012, 02:43 PM
with the strap in your left hand, overlay the loose end of the cushion across the top of the mantle, and cinch with bailing wire.
why do native americans get the casino rights?
02-27-2012, 03:49 PM
It was granted to them in the Magna Charter.
When to geese lay eggs?
02-27-2012, 03:52 PM
always on tuesdays; no one knows why.
why is my fish floating upside down?
02-27-2012, 03:58 PM
Its practicing its backstroke.
Why are the women on the covers of supermarket tabloids always half naked or pregnant or both?
02-27-2012, 04:15 PM
Because the supermarket has a wide variety of baked goods that are freshly made everyday.
Why is the supermarket a super market?
02-27-2012, 04:17 PM
^^so that the reading devotees can search for evidence of alien probes and insemination marks.
^ shhhh! you will give away it's secret identity
what is magical about the number 20215?
02-27-2012, 04:25 PM
The digits add up to 10, which is how handsome I am on a 10 point scale with 10 being the highest.
Why is the word "hand" in the word "handsome"?
02-27-2012, 05:45 PM
such that a man never need be alone.
is it ok to sleep with a loaded gun under my pillow?
02-27-2012, 06:31 PM
No, it needs to be on the pillow for quicker access, although there is a slight possibility of a highly comical accident.
What is a highly comical accident?
What's your favorite thing to spend money on?
02-27-2012, 07:24 PM
I like to spend money on Friday.
What is a good way to cure boredom?
02-27-2012, 09:01 PM
Bomberman (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.) will bomb the boredom out of you.
Why don't they make PC games the way they used to?
02-27-2012, 09:48 PM
Because we don't have enough wood and stones to make them.
What's a game?
02-27-2012, 09:49 PM
Anything that moves when I fire.
Did you move?
02-27-2012, 09:51 PM
No, I've been in the same apartment for the past 5 years.
Should I move?
02-27-2012, 09:52 PM
You move? I fire!
Can I fire?"
02-27-2012, 09:54 PM
Fire should be used only for heating and dragon breath.
Are you a dragon?
02-27-2012, 09:54 PM
I - I'm not sure. *looked into mirror*
What does a dragon look like?
02-27-2012, 09:56 PM
A dragon looks like someone who uses a dog for an avatar. *Points at Venuspop*
Why are you a dragon?
02-27-2012, 10:01 PM
I - why, I - am the dragon because of The Code Coke.
How much do you know about The Code Coke?
02-27-2012, 10:16 PM
Only that we gave up the solid carbonaceous material derived from destructive distillation of low-ash, low-sulfur bituminous coal a while ago.
Is it too late to join the party?
02-28-2012, 02:56 AM
yes. registration must be postmarked no later than 13:00 GMT, 2-25-12
why do we associate marshmallows with hot chocolate?
02-28-2012, 02:58 AM
Because they go together, like rama lama lama, kadingadadinga dong.
Why do fools fall in love?
02-28-2012, 04:38 AM
Because they're fools.
What's yogic flying really about?
02-28-2012, 04:59 AM
It's a big green fruit!
Who's your favorite singer?
02-28-2012, 05:18 AM
Kermit the Frog.
Why are baby frogs called tadpole?
Because they're a tad smaller.
Why are snails hermaphroditic?
02-28-2012, 09:20 AM
To give me another reason not to want to eat escargot.
Why is that such an expensive dish?
02-28-2012, 02:06 PM
because of it's size. the new ones may pick up more TV stations, but the old ones had a motor and could move when you changed satellites.
why is some dirt brown, and some red?
02-28-2012, 03:56 PM
It was stated at the very beginning of the universe that Dirt shall be separated into two warring factions: the Brown and the Red, and that one day one faction will dominate for all time after the Great Dirt Wars.
What is dirty money?
02-28-2012, 04:28 PM
numismatist tend to be snobby people, and some... well, underdeveloped nations have historically not had the same level of sophistication in their currency. trading and collecting these specie is referred to as 'dirty dealing', hence- dirty money.
what does laminate mean?
02-28-2012, 05:47 PM
To have small parties with lambs.
Where are lamb parties held?
02-28-2012, 07:27 PM
In the pen.
Why aren't babies kept in pens?
Because they can't write.
Why don't you dye your hair blue?
02-28-2012, 08:32 PM
I haven't accepted the inevitability of my own death, so I don't want to dye.
What is death?
It's what happens when you close your eyes.
What do you have planned tomorrow morning?
02-28-2012, 09:34 PM
I plan to take over the world and then bomb the universe.
How do you bomb an entire universe?
02-29-2012, 02:32 AM
just visit To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.)
why do twins look similar?
02-29-2012, 04:43 AM
Because they came out of the same womb at the same time in the same manner.
Are twins conceived at the same time in the same way?
They are prototypes for the upcoming cloning of humans - of course they are.
Other than Stephen Hawking, are there any other well known cyborgs?
02-29-2012, 11:47 AM
Yes, Paula Deen. You can tell from her waxy skin.
Why does Paula Deen use so much butter in her recipes?
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