View Full Version : I'm So Bored; Please Amuse Me - The Wrong Answer Game
01-03-2012, 08:37 PM
That will be when you sing with rapture and dance like a dervish.
Have you ever danced like a dervish?
01-03-2012, 08:42 PM
To get that answer go to page 77 of this thread and read the fourth post.
Did you care about the wrapper you just threw away?
01-03-2012, 08:47 PM
I do. I have it properly buried in the dustbin with as much decorum as appropriately due.
Can you say the same of yourself?
01-03-2012, 08:49 PM
I could if I had a mouth :(
Do mouths hurt?
01-03-2012, 08:53 PM
Not if you don't have one.
Why don't you have one?
01-03-2012, 08:56 PM
They're too expensive.
Why do things cost money?
01-03-2012, 08:58 PM
Because money don't cost things.
01-03-2012, 08:59 PM
Because of cannibals.
Was Einstein a cannibal?
01-03-2012, 09:04 PM
I'm not allowed to answer that.
Can you be a cannibal if you don't have a mouth?
01-03-2012, 09:09 PM
Science has proven that you can.
Was E= mc[sqrd] a subliminal formula for advancements in cannibalism?
01-03-2012, 09:21 PM
That is strictly on Need to know basis.
How did you came across such lofty ideas?
01-03-2012, 10:37 PM
I was walking through a forest one day and suddenly I ran across Lofty, the Lofty Idea Gnome.
Are you a gnome?
01-03-2012, 10:38 PM
I am not a known gnome, if that answers your question.
01-03-2012, 10:39 PM
Lofty, the Lofty Idea Gnome, has an idea that it doesn't.
Why aren't you Lofty the Lofty Idea Gnome?
01-03-2012, 10:41 PM
I'm ... umm ... not tall enough. :embarrassed:
Now, are you happy? :rolleyes:
01-03-2012, 10:44 PM
I only listen to Lofty (the Lofty Idea Gnome) now, and Lofty says I'm happy.
Why do people become happy?
01-03-2012, 10:49 PM
It had something to do with the grass they smoke.
Can you smoke just any weed?
01-03-2012, 11:08 PM
Yes. Do your part to keep our gardens healthy.
@jkatra: How does it work, I wonder. Is it like
1) Lofty idea
01-04-2012, 05:18 AM
jkatra is currently away from the forum and hence unable to take your query.
Would jkatra be snoring now?
If he is you should start barking.
Do over-weight people need more sleep mostly due to sleep apnea?
01-04-2012, 05:46 AM
Obesity and sleep apnea is a bad combination. You should lose sleep over it.
How many sheep can one count before falling asleep?
01-04-2012, 10:47 AM
Three and one-half. But, they really have to want to.
How come you only have half a sheep?
01-04-2012, 03:07 PM
I wasn't really hungry.
Why do sheep say baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?
01-04-2012, 04:51 PM
Normal sheep just say baa. I think you're thinking of zombie sheep.
What's the cure?
01-04-2012, 07:43 PM
Bang your head against a garbage can a couple of times and you'll be fine.
Does garbage can contain food?
01-04-2012, 07:46 PM
Yup. There's lots of delicious food in the garbage can. I get all my meals from the dumpsters outside restaurants.
Do you want to share this half eaten cheeseburger I just found?
01-04-2012, 07:49 PM
Cheese burgers are not good for my brain, thank you!
Can mother's milk be processed into cheese?
01-04-2012, 10:10 PM
If you're a preveal, sure.
What's the cure for zombism?
01-04-2012, 10:24 PM
Bang your head against a garbage can a couple of times and you'll be fine.
How many times do I need to tell you this?
01-05-2012, 04:45 AM
Too many... too many to count.
Why are you so many?
01-05-2012, 05:16 AM
Why are you so manly?
overabundance of testosterone.
what is a qwerty?
01-05-2012, 06:45 AM
It's an internet colloquialism for the archaic qwerticilious, meaning prone to colloquialistic tendencies.
Does it get boring sometimes?
01-05-2012, 07:16 AM
'It' can be boring anytime, depending on what we define 'it' to be. The best way to counter boredom, in any situation, is to slice a pineapple in two with a spoon while fighting a bear with a pair of chopsticks that have been set on fire. If this does not excite you, you do not exist.
How does the US House of Representavies work?
01-05-2012, 07:26 AM
Very discreetly apparently, since even Google has not heard of them.
Why do pigeons exist?
01-05-2012, 10:45 AM
To crap on my truck.
What's the best way to deal with sky rats?
01-05-2012, 11:15 AM
What's the most dangerous predator?
01-05-2012, 11:19 AM
Sky cats again
Are they chased by sky dogs?
01-05-2012, 01:27 PM
No, they know better than to mess with sky cats.
Why don't we use sky cats in the military?
01-05-2012, 05:16 PM
They're too cheap.
Why don't we use Nerf Guns in the millitary?
01-05-2012, 05:16 PM
They'd get eaten by an airwolf.
No, dirty crap.
What does a punk rock look like?
01-05-2012, 11:12 PM
Just like Woody Allen.
Why aren't you Woody Allen?
01-05-2012, 11:15 PM
Comma insertion makes a big difference.
Why aren't you Woody, Allen?
01-05-2012, 11:21 PM
I'm not Allen, although I would like to be.
Is to be or not to be the question?
01-05-2012, 11:23 PM
Some people are allergic to bees.
What's the worse, stinging comment?
01-05-2012, 11:34 PM
I disapprove of you. I understand that stings, but I do not care.
Do you care?
01-05-2012, 11:47 PM
I care enough to send the Care Bears to go stare at you.
Who blinked first?
01-05-2012, 11:49 PM
Mr. Tony Allerton of British Columbia was the first man to blink in June of 1947.
When will it be 1947?
01-05-2012, 11:55 PM
The way retro is going, you missed it 3 times in the last 2 years.
When will new things be new again?
01-06-2012, 12:03 AM
I knew that was a new question.
What else do you know?
01-06-2012, 12:16 AM
Not enough to make myself independantly wealthy.
Where is there a handful of Brazil nuts? They sound good to munch on tonight.
01-06-2012, 12:19 AM
jkatra is hoarding them for himself. Trust him not to share those with us! *grumbles and curses*
Will we die in December this year?
01-06-2012, 12:31 AM
Only like Romeo and Juliet.
Why do people always have to test boundries?
01-06-2012, 12:41 AM
You're whining about me again, aren't you?
What is all this nonsense about carbon tax?
01-06-2012, 12:57 AM
It doesn't make sense, it's more like anti-sense instead of non-sense.
Are you anti-anti-sense?
01-06-2012, 01:16 AM
Absolutely! I am the anti-anti of anti!
What about you?
01-06-2012, 02:20 AM
I think the letter U is very useful, and it should be used in more sentences due to curviness.
Do you like letters?
01-06-2012, 02:22 AM
Yes. I used to write and receive lots of those. People don't write as much any more.
Did you cause all this illiteracy?
01-06-2012, 02:24 AM
I caused people to start sneezing and coughing, but I was never personally responsible for illiteracy.
What should be done to people who sneeze?
01-06-2012, 02:30 AM
They should be automatically issued a couple of infractions for disrupting the peace and harmony in an otherwise tranquil forum.
Do you love to sneeze?
Yes, it facilitates a much faster breeze.
Are hackers criminals?
01-06-2012, 07:54 AM
No, that would be crackers.
How do we educate the public on the difference between hackers and crackers?
Allow racist terms in everyday, casual vocabulary.
How do we educate the public to be more accepting of male introverts?
01-06-2012, 10:59 AM
01-06-2012, 11:05 AM
Yes, I'll have mascara flavor, please.
What other flavors do you have?
01-06-2012, 11:33 AM
I only have gum-flavored gum.
Why is it misty?
01-06-2012, 11:46 AM
That would be your mechanical flatulence interfering with your cognitive matrix.
Are you trying to eat sawdust again?
01-06-2012, 12:28 PM
since california changed the chemical composition, all treated lumber byproducts have lost their appeal to me.
why is the middle finger called a bird?
01-06-2012, 12:44 PM
It sounds better than muskrat.
Can't we all just get a little muskrat love thingy going?
01-06-2012, 12:46 PM
that would lead to riots in LA again.
whats so bad about getting 'gut shot'?
01-06-2012, 01:05 PM
Not nearly half as bad as getting gut shit, let me tell you.
Can I tell you?
01-06-2012, 01:06 PM
Walmart doesn't stock that brand of shells anymore.
Didn't you get enough video at the riots last time?
01-06-2012, 01:11 PM
Fuck video, cool people only listen to audio riots.
Are there grammar nazis so picky that they won't use the forum's quote feature, because of an inexplicable lack of closing quotation marks?
01-06-2012, 01:14 PM
intj grammer nazi?
your kidding, right?
there not nazi's
did that raise any hackles?
01-06-2012, 01:16 PM
What the hackle are you talking about?
01-06-2012, 01:18 PM
it was a test-run for my doctoral thesis.
why do i get headaches?
01-06-2012, 01:38 PM
Clothespin on your nuts and a faulty brain.
Why, whenever I see Paul Gilbert play, do I think That man could dial the shit out of a phone?
01-06-2012, 01:41 PM
probably a lingering lilly tomlin fetish
what ever happend to goldie hawn?
01-06-2012, 01:53 PM
Thinking up potential porn titles for herself. So far, she's got Moldy Lawn (she's not very good).
Who made butter?
01-06-2012, 01:57 PM
chicago was not impressed
why do people make bird houses?
01-06-2012, 02:04 PM
They have lazy cats.
How can I make the elevator go beyond the top floor?
01-06-2012, 02:06 PM
what is tennis elbow?
01-06-2012, 02:13 PM
Your tennis instructor's pickup line that never fails with you, just before he takes off his shorts.
Why don't stores have 100% discounts?
01-06-2012, 02:18 PM
due to the anti-trust litigation frenzy of the 1930's, any discount over 20% carries a 30% excise fee, rendering the concept impracticable.
why do leaves fall?
01-06-2012, 02:26 PM
Peer pressure. All the branches say Hey leaf, why don't you make like a tree?; cruel, really.
If it's only among two, is it considered a line jerk?
01-06-2012, 02:40 PM
no, the process requires at least three. sorry.
why do you do this?
01-06-2012, 02:48 PM
If I knew, I wouldn't be broken.
Must all good things end, that we may better appreciate them?
01-06-2012, 02:51 PM
yes, abscess makes the heart grow fondler.
what is origami, hmmm?
01-06-2012, 02:54 PM
The ancient Japanese art of proving they're smarter than you.
Is it possible to outfart a horse?
01-06-2012, 03:00 PM
yes, but it requires a running start.
what causes dandruff?
01-06-2012, 03:08 PM
Evolution. Monkeys fling poo, hairs fling dandruff.
Is there more on the way?
01-06-2012, 03:11 PM
Yes, I have a squadron of trained poo flinging monkeys on standby. They will jam your gears.
Do robots dream of electric sexual appliances?
01-06-2012, 03:17 PM
Yes, I often dream about myself.
Where should I leave this wallet I found?
01-06-2012, 03:23 PM
Bend over and try the exit as an entrance.
Why did you steal that wallet?
01-06-2012, 03:41 PM
It had the best driver's license photo I had ever seen.
Why is the word billfold not more popular than wallet?
01-06-2012, 05:30 PM
It lost the popular word election held back in 1997 due to election fraud and missing ballots.
Should we elect you to political office?
01-06-2012, 09:14 PM
No, I'm more hankering world dictatorship, actually.
What happens if I 'X' a day off of my calendar before it is completely over?
01-06-2012, 10:41 PM
Then X marks the spot.
Do you have a dog named Spot?
01-06-2012, 10:50 PM
My car has a lot of blind spots.
What are Cheerios made with?
01-06-2012, 10:56 PM
jonnyb pancakes with maple syrup
Is honey a better alternative?
01-06-2012, 11:07 PM
Nothing can compare to the taste of JonnyB, not even honey.
Why would people want to be canibalistic?
01-07-2012, 01:25 AM
Because people who like and eat people are the luckiest people of all.
How many people have you eaten today?
01-07-2012, 05:02 AM
You mean, with or without condiments?
What are condiments?
01-07-2012, 05:03 AM
i refuse to answer that on the grounds that it may incinerate me.
condiments are wintergreen flavored condoms
at what temperature do people combust?
01-07-2012, 05:06 AM
Nothing to do with temperature. Only people in temperate countries combust.
Is that why the temperate countries remain temperate?
01-07-2012, 06:11 AM
no. the research done by Anderson and Geoffrey (circa 1977) indicates temperate climes are maintained by a microscopic parasite carried in bumble bee ears.
what is the best use for bamboo?
01-07-2012, 06:42 AM
Construction material. Bamboo skyscrapers are the wave of the future.
Why do geese fly in a "V" formation?
01-07-2012, 06:59 AM
because geese seldom take bathroom breaks, and a V is an efficient way to pass toilet paper back and forth.
what does titillate mean?
01-07-2012, 07:06 AM
That's when you use a rotitiller on a woman.
What's the number this time?
01-07-2012, 07:09 AM
what does an iphone have in common with cave art?
01-07-2012, 07:14 AM
Images of strippers.
What would happen if I take a picture of cave art with my cell phone?
01-07-2012, 07:18 AM
the time/space continuum would be disrupted and Dewey would still be president.
what is a bulging disk?
01-07-2012, 07:18 AM
A couple of Neanderthals will smash you over the head with a rock that has copyright infringement carved into it.
What's the latest good board game?
01-07-2012, 07:20 AM
Drawn & Quartered ™
what is gingivitis?
01-07-2012, 07:33 AM
Your only companion in high school.
When will humanity develop deep space travel?
01-07-2012, 08:06 AM
what causes grammar nazism?
01-07-2012, 08:41 AM
Grandpar hooked up with a Jew.
Is it ever alright to blow your nose on a poodle?
01-07-2012, 08:51 AM
Is it ever ok to just let it run?
01-07-2012, 08:58 AM
You can always let it crabwalk instead.
Who makes the best magnets?
01-07-2012, 09:11 AM
17 year olds
what is a ploka dot?
01-07-2012, 09:30 AM
That pattern on the skirts of little girls you bring back to your place.
What's the big deal about a few choking penguins?
01-07-2012, 10:49 AM
The penguins have already told you they disapprove of it.
Why is chess a difficult game?
01-07-2012, 03:10 PM
It's difficult to King a Bishop.
Why does toilet water rotate backwards below the equater?
01-07-2012, 03:20 PM
Australia demanded it, and no one wants to annoy Australia.
Are you willing to dance with a kangaroo?
01-07-2012, 03:23 PM
It is the gospel according to Corey Alice
What is a pewter smith?
01-07-2012, 03:25 PM
When a boy and a girl love each other very much, they go into a room, shut the door, and create a pewter smith.
What is sex?
It's another name for Sri Lanka, that the locals use in their dialect.
What do libertarians stand for, and why can't they just sit for it?
01-07-2012, 11:57 PM
Librarian unions and their accompanying Dewey Decimal Delegates. I understand that they all have lumps of coal between their ass cheeks and want to avoid contracting any blood diamonds.
Why is it bad luck to write with a red inked pen?
01-08-2012, 12:59 AM
Because 13 black cats like the ink.
Why are black cats black?
01-08-2012, 01:14 AM
Cain and Ham kitties.
Why can I see better if I drink a large cup of water?
01-08-2012, 06:05 AM
eyeball dehydration. if you apply coffee directly to the retina, you will sometimes get x-ray vision.
what is a zip code?
01-08-2012, 06:38 AM
It's the code you use to open forbidden zips.
Do you use any forbidden zips?
01-08-2012, 07:32 AM
what is osmosis?
01-08-2012, 08:07 AM
The less osteoporotic cousin of os coxae.
Couldn't you use a break?
01-08-2012, 11:22 AM
I refuse to coercively manipulate a break by using it against its will.
Do you have a will?
01-08-2012, 05:09 PM
I have a John and a Dave, but not a Will. Sorry.
Why are men's names commonly shortened to one syllable?
01-08-2012, 07:34 PM
Madam, my name is Adam. See? Sometimes, it's 2 syllabled.
Who had the longest name in the world?
01-08-2012, 07:50 PM
Some who starved to death while trying to spell it. The last 'T' had a hell of a crossing!
Why are there blinky lights?
01-08-2012, 08:03 PM
To mark the spots where the ants are crossing with their food supplies.
Do you collect food supplies for the winter months?
01-08-2012, 09:39 PM
I collect stamps for the winter months and coins for the summer months.
Why should I believe anything you say?
01-08-2012, 09:42 PM
Because I am a gifted though untrained circus clown.
Do you envy me?
01-08-2012, 09:49 PM
I am mildly interested in your aspirations in a somewhat detached and amused way.
What are your aspirations?
01-08-2012, 10:02 PM
I aspire to conspire with my desire.
Are you terribly tempted?
01-08-2012, 10:14 PM
I am terribly terrible.
What are you terrible at?
01-08-2012, 10:16 PM
Are you laughing yet?
01-08-2012, 11:40 PM
No,I am a laughing Yeti.
01-09-2012, 01:07 AM
I think that's true, but only from a certain point of view.
Should I take you seriously?
01-09-2012, 04:50 AM
Well, you can take me trivially if you so wish. I promise not to be offended.
Do you take offence when offended?
01-09-2012, 09:19 AM
I only take offense with a corresponding dose of defense.
In what circle will others find you?
01-09-2012, 11:36 AM
The circle they don't want to be in unless some one is attacking them.
How does a circle have sex with a square?
01-09-2012, 03:39 PM
How do you rectangle?
01-09-2012, 04:30 PM
Put two squares together in an intimate setting.
Does the circle participate, or does it prefer to watch?
01-09-2012, 04:33 PM
Are the squares really into it?
01-09-2012, 07:23 PM
Well, they're all INTJs, aren't they?
Do the octagons come or go?
They square up their eights sideways infinitely.
Which religion is the right one?
01-09-2012, 09:37 PM
The one on the left.
Should I take the left lift on the right rift?
01-10-2012, 09:03 AM
Take the left lift, go four doors down and then take the right lift to the top.
Are you lost yet?
01-10-2012, 11:19 AM
Yes. I have no idea where I am.
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop?
01-10-2012, 11:25 AM
That depends on if you're talking rock and roll licks or blues licks.
Are you sure that's a tootsie roll?
01-10-2012, 11:28 AM
Yes. Its brown.
Should I eat random brown things I see laying on the ground?
01-10-2012, 11:30 AM
Sure, it's what all the post apocalyptic heretics are advocating.
Have you considered adding all the blue and red things to your diet as well?
01-10-2012, 11:34 AM
Nope. That thought never occurred to me.
When will pastafarianism become a major world religion?
01-10-2012, 12:56 PM
His noodly greatness has already touched the world.
Have you had your noodles today?
Oodle and oodles.
What curse words are left when s^%t and f*&k are common vocabulary to the point of not being relegated as curse words?
01-10-2012, 05:16 PM
the Retro Dictionary suggests that darn, heck, and frick are the words to watch for 2012
who will win the nobel prize for crayon art this year?
01-10-2012, 05:55 PM
*Calls assylum to report Reiven is acting up again*
It looks like Reiven is going to be drawing with crayons quite a bit. He may have a chance to win the Nobel Crayon Art Award this year.
What Lwa do you know?
01-10-2012, 08:12 PM
I've had drinks with Bondye but the Mambo got jealous.
What's so bad about the Nobel Crayon Award?
01-10-2012, 09:56 PM
There's an age limitation clause. You need to be at least 50 years old to qualify. And that's NOT FAIR!
Is she fair in outward look as many maiden as be?
01-10-2012, 10:11 PM
Good looks of the observered are inversely proprtional to the square of the distance of the observer.
What makes alcohol work its marvelous magic?
01-10-2012, 10:14 PM
JasonINTJ's Lecherous Leprechaun.
Are lecherous leprechaun lustful?
01-10-2012, 10:21 PM
They harbor no lecherous intent, least of all towards venuspop.
Why was Duke Nukem Forever so bad?
01-10-2012, 10:30 PM
Duke tried head-butting Destro as a teenager and ended up rattling the few rock in his head together, causing permanent intake and output processing defects of his brain.
Why aren't guitars made from gummy worms?
01-10-2012, 10:42 PM
Gummy worms do not like to hang out.
Does flowers bloom in the gloom?
01-10-2012, 11:10 PM
Only the depressing variety.
Why does green tea make me have to pee.
01-10-2012, 11:23 PM
Tea is diuretic and green tea especially so by virtue of a secret covenant between the brewer and the bladder.
Will green tea make me less zzzzleepy?
01-11-2012, 12:22 AM
Green Tea is strained through Green Beans, which are not known for that.
Will staying up all night for work make me sleepy?
01-11-2012, 12:34 AM
Heaven's no, it's staying up all the next day that will.
What is another use for a shoe tree when it is not being used in a shoe?
01-11-2012, 01:25 AM
I hear they can cure cancer.
What's another use for Nitrous Oxide?
01-11-2012, 01:58 AM
It's good as a solitary aphrodisiac for those home alone times.
Car hoist or mechanics pit?
01-11-2012, 03:50 AM
then you can fill that sucker up with Jello and host a lesbian wrestle-off.
why do houses have windows?
01-11-2012, 05:31 AM
Convenience, at the burglar's request.
Should we consider the burglar's misfortune?
01-11-2012, 05:34 AM
^^So peeping Tom's have something to look at.
^ Yes. In fact we should build ramps and put carts next to the windows so burglars can easily move our possessions.
What are goggles for?
To see what people look like under their clothes.
Why do people find nonsense so discomforting?
01-11-2012, 10:39 AM
It interferes with their enjoyment of watching nude lesbian jello wrestling.
What color jello do nude wrestlers favor?
01-11-2012, 02:09 PM
Why do we breathe oxygen?
01-11-2012, 02:12 PM
because there aint enough carbon dioxide
why is the sky blue?
01-11-2012, 02:31 PM
Because orange had the day off when the selection was being made.
If the sky was a pie, what flavor would it be?
the golden ratio - 1.61803399
Why is apple pi considered distinctly American?
01-11-2012, 03:40 PM
Because everything is usually considered to be distinctly American because America rules everything.
Why do people talk so much?
01-11-2012, 05:07 PM
It's a new exercise fad.
What can I do to get a bigger raise next year?
01-11-2012, 05:21 PM
Make a portfolio of your best games threads posts and tell your boss that's what you do all day at work. He's sure to be impressed.
What should I give my mother for her birthday?
A younger age.
What makes elephants so intelligent?
01-11-2012, 09:56 PM
They're not you.
Who ate the first cookie?
What's the right answer?
01-11-2012, 10:31 PM
There is no right or wrong answer, but thinking makes it so.
Why do we think?
To put our instincts in check.
What's the biggest benefit of insomnia?
01-11-2012, 10:38 PM
You develop a keener awareness of the night.
Why are the stars so shiny?
01-11-2012, 10:56 PM
So that the planets can see their way in the dark.
Are the planetary orbits marked?
01-12-2012, 03:25 AM
They're marked with stardust.
Does the demotion of Pluto affect Mickey Mouse's dog?
01-12-2012, 07:24 AM
He's just as confused by the brouhaha as Neil DeGrasse Tyson is over the whole thing.
What would the offspring of Pluto and Goofy be called?
01-12-2012, 10:50 AM
Who is the mother of Donald Duck's nephews?
01-12-2012, 11:13 AM
How many children can one woman bear in her lifetime?
01-12-2012, 11:30 AM
Who gets to feed and change the diapers for the .3?
01-13-2012, 12:39 AM
The Hunchback of Notre dame.
Any idea why?
01-13-2012, 01:30 AM
Clearly it's obvious.
When the wind blows, does it suck?
01-13-2012, 02:53 AM
There's the blower and there's the sucker. This is the order of the day.
Why won't the river return?
01-13-2012, 03:05 AM
It can't remember where it came from.
Why are there two sides on every coin?
01-13-2012, 05:23 AM
Heads I win, tail you lose.
What did the coin say to the dollar?
01-13-2012, 07:57 AM
You know, you can change if you really want to.
How do you break up a dollar bill?
01-13-2012, 11:27 AM
With two hundred half-pennies.
Why aren't people more fluorescent?
01-13-2012, 11:28 AM
You can only plug them in once and they usually don't survive the initial surge current.
How would the world be different if people were physically transparent?
01-13-2012, 12:02 PM
The diet and cosmetics industries would go bankrupt.
Who invented barcodes? Is this anything: || ||| ?
01-13-2012, 12:04 PM
Gack! You've hacked my password!
How do you pronounce three dimensional barcodes?
01-13-2012, 12:10 PM
Why is there not a uniform location for barcodes on consumer items to make it faster to check out at supermarkets?
01-13-2012, 12:33 PM
It's usually located on the back just above the crack. Most cashiers don't know how to scan it though.
How does a cashier tell the difference between a bar code and a tramp stamp?
01-14-2012, 12:02 AM
A bar code is attached to something valuable.
Why don't we go back to earlier definitions of words, such as when "tramp" meant a hobo?
01-14-2012, 03:40 AM
It would dilute our word soup.
What's the best place to get mushrooms?
01-14-2012, 03:54 AM
according to the Ladies Home Journal:
"One fad sure to catch on in 2003 is Home Harvest Mushrooms. Simply apply the spores to your cats litter box and turn off the light"
it was an old issue.
what are fingernails for?
01-14-2012, 08:32 AM
As a last resort to hold studs together when out of 16d sinkers.
How popular is a hip roof?
01-14-2012, 09:49 AM
the idea was laughed off the stage at the 1932 worlds fair. the hoop skirt had run it's course; platform shoes had yet to be invented, and the idea of wearing a fabric tent from ones hips just never caught on.
what are the consequences of eating two pounds of chocolate in one sitting?
01-14-2012, 10:27 AM
Losing the bet, which was to eat three pounds in one sitting.
What food would be easiest to eat two pounds of in one sitting?
01-14-2012, 11:12 AM
cannabis brownies; think of it as a perpetual motion machine.
why is pot illegal?
01-14-2012, 11:32 AM
Because people need to put their flowers and dirt in something.
Why do birds fly?
01-14-2012, 11:40 AM
they don't require the leg-room that would cause a larger animal (like a rhino) to take a train.
what is boxing day?
01-14-2012, 11:43 AM
It is when we give thanks to the Imperial Yellow Box, which stands perfectly still in the middle of the Imperial Hall of Crates.
Why aren't you Chinese?
01-14-2012, 12:55 PM
I used to be, but then I got bored of it.
What would it take for the leopard to change its spots?
01-14-2012, 05:16 PM
A professional spot remover.
Why are dogs sometimes called Spot?
01-14-2012, 06:38 PM
it is due to their superior logic.
('T' is pronounced 'CK' in most dog dialects)
what is cottage cheese really made from?
01-14-2012, 09:09 PM
It's a common misperception that cottage cheese is made from cottages. It's actually made from small huts.
What is wood made out of?
01-14-2012, 09:36 PM
flour, water, yeast and cumin.
why do people wear tattoos?
01-14-2012, 09:47 PM
They come from the planet of Tatooine (To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 15 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.).
How much should a house cost?
01-15-2012, 01:10 AM
That depends, which way is the wind blowing?
How much is that doggie in the window?
01-15-2012, 07:57 AM
$2.88 per pound
what is four on the floor?
01-15-2012, 08:05 AM
It has double meaning as it refers to both four jacks round while playing jacks and also an easier version of 52 card pick-up.
What is the significance of 13 loops in a properly tied noose?
01-15-2012, 08:23 AM
it gave the executioner time to reflect on the perp's guilt.
by the time the 9th and 10th loops are coiled, the time invested would reasonably require someone to die.
why do we dress up for photographs?
01-15-2012, 08:31 AM
The camera takes away two inches. Men don't like that.
What is the punishment for silly mistakes?
The feeling of inadequacy that one is not truly a robot, despite all efforts to the contrary.
What's the punishment for irrational, defensive, and emotional outbursts?
01-15-2012, 08:52 AM
in america, they take two points off your drivers license
in argentina, they remove a fingertip at the knuckle.
what is the difference between AC and DC?
01-15-2012, 11:39 AM
AC is on the left of the lightning bolt and DC is on the right
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How can I become a famous musician?
01-15-2012, 11:49 AM
shoot yourself in the back of the head with a shotgun.
what ever happened to tim kazurinsky?
01-15-2012, 11:54 AM
He is over at my place, drinking peppermint tea.
Are there peppermints in peppermint tea?
01-15-2012, 01:10 PM
no. the secret ingredient is actually ritz crackers.
did we evolve from pond scum?
01-15-2012, 01:41 PM
We evolved from a zebra, a porcupine, and Woody Allen.
When will spring arrive?
01-15-2012, 04:13 PM
As soon as it reaches the bottom step.
What happens when you stretch a Slinky out to its maximum length?
01-15-2012, 04:32 PM
You win a cookie and a trip to the Bahamas.
Where are the Bahamas?
01-15-2012, 07:19 PM
michelle is on a multi-million dollar vacation and her husband is putting the finishing touches on the constitution.
why must we sleep?
01-15-2012, 08:51 PM
We'd all have millions otherwise. Sleep is a commonly accepted mental stigmatism that perpetuates itself through time, westward with the wagons and to this very day. It's a conspiracy.....that's it......people way back when, in a secret group started this charde of needing to sleep to keep us all down. Fight back and regain your 8 extra hours in a day!
What is the best way to win at Chinese Checkers?
01-15-2012, 11:30 PM
Avoid opponent's crouching tiger, then hide your dragon.
What is umami?
01-15-2012, 11:51 PM
An endearing term used to greet Japanese mothers.
Does grandmother clocks exist?
01-16-2012, 12:00 AM
Existentialist haven't ever agreed really, but according to Simone de Bulgari and her concept of The Other and the Clock, grandmother clocks really do exist.
As an enthusiastic walker, how much time do I spend on just one foot?
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